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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] anybody here in tune with what is going on on wall st.? are the layoffs still occuring? what is the general feeling? thanks 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.03.08, 09:58 AM Flag
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mood is black. still plenty of l/os to come [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:00 AM Flag
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thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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there are always layoffs on wall st-they don't always get publicized, but I htink it will still be painful for next few months [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:00 AM Flag
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wow, thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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There is more trouble to come. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:07 AM Flag
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do you have time to elaborate at all? thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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I know people working in a few different IBs and they are all gloomy about the future. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:12 AM Flag
[ - ] My DH works all the time, when he's overly stressed he's always in a bad mood, (typical dh, I know). However, he is constantly asking me if I still love him and if I love him as much as I ever did, etc - is this typical behavior when a dh is under stress? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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he must be scared and needs your support. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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I am supportive, and I understand he's under stress, but it is agravating to constantly be asked if I still love my husband who I clearly do anything and everything for - i.e., he gets home really late, I not only leave the light on but I stay awake for him, help him to bed if he's exhausted, clean his face for him (he loves this for some reason), stretch him (he has very tight legs), etc, etc. When he's not home late I make dinner, help him relax, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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wow, sounds like you take good care of him. honestly, it makes me wonder if he's done something he wouldn't want you to know about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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op - really? that is SO far from my mind. I just think he's needy but I wish he would stop asking that. Every time I tell him I do love him and sometimes I ask him why he asks me, he just says he wants to hear it (though I tell him multiple times a day) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:07 AM Flag
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so this is something new? has he always been this needy? i certainly don't mean it has to be something sexual that he's done "wrong" but it sounds like he's asking for forgiveness and acceptance -- maybe for some reason in particular, maybe not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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it is relatively new, but then again, we are also recently married. We're also dealing with his dad's illness which might be a factor [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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poor guy. sounds like he has too much going on and just needs to know that you're solid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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just wish i knew how to convince him that we are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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i know. you can't convince him, though. all you can do is keep sending out the love and hoping that some of it gets through to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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thanks, I guess I'll keep doing it. The bad side is, whenever I feel like i need extra support of love I hate to ask for it because I know he is more stressed overall, so i just suck it up and deal... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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np. You have a lot going on at the moment so dh may be feeling insecure. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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np. that's what my first thought was. I hope not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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no, typically they relieve their stress with a mistess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:07 AM Flag
[ - ] is lindsey lohan gay? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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She's fucking a woman. Doesn't make her "gay". Just pathetically trying to stay in the rags. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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i think it's kind of interesting how the rags themselves haven't made such a big deal out of the fact that she's with a woman now. they're covering what she's doing, of course, just like they would if she had a new boyfriend, but it doesn't seem to be a big ol' scandal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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i think she is a sex and love addict and will take whatever and whoever she can get. love is love. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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op: she's def an addict. i've never known a sla. at least that i know of. interesting perspective [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:03 AM Flag
[ - ] anybody here in tune with what is going on on wall st.? are the layoffs still occuring? what is the general feeling? thanks 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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predictions are the year ahead will be worse than what we've been through this past year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:43 AM Flag
[ - ] I think my DH hates me. Or, doesn't love me anymore. What do I do? 47 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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come on, how do you expect anybody here to reply sensibly to something like this. we don't know the first thing about the situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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he says he feels like I put the kids before him and he's always so snappy with all of us. he talks down to all of us (never used to) and says he does it to the kids because his anger at me is dripping over to them. this makes me defend the kids and the cycle continues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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np: Have you guys tried some time alone together, like a weekend away? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:00 AM Flag
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i think we need this desperately, but we have no one we can trust to stay with the kids that long. and money is a little tight now -- we could do it but it would be a stretch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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Try to figure something out. I don't mean to sound financially irresponsible, but flying in your parents to watch the kids will be a whole lot cheaper than a divorce next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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np. ITA - it will be worth it if it saves your marriage. Do you have date nights? Even if you don't feel you can go away overnight take time out together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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We do this really silly but fun thing of picnics in bed after the kids go to sleep. I get fried chicken or sandwiches, bottle of wine, and we spread a blanket over the bed. Put on music or a DVD. It's really fun, always leads to sex. Maybe you could try it, OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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np. That sounds like a great idea. I might try that :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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np- it sounds like a lot is going on her and I'm not sure a weekend away is going to solve the problem. No matter how angry he is at you is doesn't justify his behavior towards the kid. He is an adult they are children. He needs to grow up on that score. As for your relationship, you need to come up with a repair plan together. You need to set aside time for one another. Therapy is one option. Finding a reliable sitter for date night, picking one night a week, and really going. Even just opening a bottle of wine and ordering in after the kids go to bed can work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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^^ also if your dh hated you he would be out the door. He sounds hurt which means he still cares so there is hope. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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That isn't always true. Divorce is a long time coming. Most people don't just pop up, out the door - espeically when you have children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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Yes it is a long time coming and op is not there yet hence "there is still hope" the way I see it could go either way so try and fix it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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interstingly, it was our therapist who first said what I have said to OP. Divorce is an option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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So you went to therapy and tried to fix it. That is all I'm suggesting. It is a process and you are in a different place. Let OP have her chance to get there. She may end up in a different place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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And why is it so offensive to people to let OP know that it just might not work out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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and that that is OK and there may very well be nothinng she can "do" about it - she did ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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No one is saying do x, y, and z and everyone will be happy again. She asked what her options are. She know is might not work out, it is not working now. I think you are letting your own feeling cloud the way you are reading this post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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well, that doesn't sound good. is it possible that he is overloaded and overly neglected? otherwise, that doesn't sound good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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sounds like he is stressed. can you try therapy? He probably doesn't hate you, but misses the days when it was just the 2 of you and you could devote more attention to him, and he's still adjusting to being a dad (this can take years) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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for example, last night he yelled so disrespectfully at 5 yo for doing something annoying, but ultimately not a big deal (squirting a bunch of toothpaste in the sink) then told 8 yo she was acting like a baby (again, the tone was terrible) then chided me when I couldn't find the checkbook fast enough for him. it's like everything he says to everyone is dripping with hatred and he didn't used to be like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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sounds like he's having issues outside of the home that need to be addressed. Will he go to therapy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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np, OP, I am your dh. I don't love my spouse, therapy isn't going to change that. People fall out of love and that is the reason we divorce. So, while others may paint a nice picture for you - consider divorce as an option too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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It doesn't sound like her dh doesn't love her, it sounds like he is angry and stressed and has other issues he needs to work through [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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I guess you interpreted what she wrote one way and I another. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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you have the opposite side of a different relationship - you can't know or assume that her dh hates her from what she has written. I'm sorry you no longer love you dh and you're divorcing but dont' assume that is best for everyone, especially without trying therapy first [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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?? i dind't assume anything, I gave OP another view. Nothing different than any of the other responders did - shared what could be going on, it just rubs people the wrong way - people tend to be hopeful and say - he loves you! try therapy. When, in reality 50% of marriages end in divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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sorry you're divorcing miss bitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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I'm not bitter and don't understand your need to label me that way [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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Have you divorced your dw [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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not yet, moving August 1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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and its dh. I am dw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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Does she know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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Does he know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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yes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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So that is your situation and not this one. Sorry it didn't work for you that doesn't it won't work for someone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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LOL. OK, so anyone who posts about picnics in bed and therapy "knows" this situation and anyone who says, hey, he might not love you, he might hate you doesn't. Funny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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It sounds like you are in the middle of a painful time , good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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No, you want to make it like that (society gets so weird about divorce). It isn't painful. As a matter of fact, the way we knew it was time was that there was NO hurt, no pain, no regret and we can both leave freely. So, while I understand that someone posting about divorce as an option gets people rattled - don't project feelings and experiences that simply are not there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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I'm sure there is a lot of pain for your children, you selfish woman [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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some people beleive staying together for the sake of the children is the thing to do. Some people don't. It isn't black and white. Life seldom is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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oh, I completely agree, but saying that it isn't painful at all isn't true - I am pretty confident it is painful for the kids no matter what [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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You sound awfully unhappy. Next time you go to therapy, I would talk about this post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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Society gets "weird" about divorce? Yeah, I guess it's tough to see that 50% of people that get married are liars. (Remember the whole "I promise" thing?) Marriage is a choice. You decide to make it work or to take the easy road and get out to f** others (or f** them over). You don't care about what your decisions do to anyone but yourselves. Divorce hurts. Unless you are completely self-absorbed, you know this. And while the adults in the situation may not care, the kids will always have issues with abandonment and fear that their own spouses/sig others will someday leave them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 05:07 AM Flag
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So, do you torture your poor spouse and berate your children too while you figure out an exit plan? Nice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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no, but I am human and make mistakes. I wish I were perfect like you, but that isn't the hand I was delt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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I'm nowhere near perfect. But I think what OP's DH is doing is despicable. "Falling out of love" is no excuse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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i have tried to get him to go. I don't know why he won't go -- i do think he has anger issues. when he is in a good mood he is a fantastic father and husband. when he turns cranky it's awful and I worry about the long-term relationship with the kids (as well as me). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:52 AM Flag
[ - ] PS166 principal just resigned. Nice. 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:52 AM Flag
[ - ] Wow, finally! "The Corcoran Group reported a 38 percent year-over-year drop in sales in the second quarter in New York city" 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.03.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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so what does this mean, on the ground? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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to me it is just the beginning of a significant downturn in sales as well as prices. 38% is a huge amount. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:57 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know how they figure out the results for Lyme Disease testing? My test results show several of the categories as "positive" but the lab notes that I am one short of the threshold for being considered to have Lyme Disease. So why would any of it be positive, then? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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Lyme disease dx is process of elimination. You can test + on the lyme titer, that means you have been exposed to lyme, built up antibodies, but may not have active lyme. You should rerun the test with both the titer and something called the Western Blot, much more telling test combo. Ideally run these tests at the same lab that just ran last test so they can compare lyme titer numbers - are they gooing up or down. How do you feel? If you still feel rotten you should have these tests run and consider runnign other tests for other things that look like lyme, as I said, good dx of Lyme involves eliminating other things such as arthritis, lupus, ms, and all sorts of other things if you are really feeling "off". Don't mean to scare you. Just had a REALLY bad case myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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Thank you. I did get the Western Blot, combined with the titer. The titer was positive, but I only had 2 categories positive on the Blot - so the lab says the CDC considers it negative. I am feeling worse every day, don't know what to do. Am in a new town, the doctor I went to says I probably just have a virus (it's been almost 6 weeks). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:07 AM Flag
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What symptoms do you have? I was literally temp paralyzed (had nerve damage), but also had the persistent horrible headaches, lock jaw, stiff neck, and exhaustion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:09 AM Flag
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^^^Also have you had ANY antibiotics? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:09 AM Flag
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No antibiotics. Terrible joint pain (typing with two fingers here, cannot open a door with my right hand, can only go down the stairs a half-step at a time), running fevers every night, headaches, just so very tired. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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OK, you need to try antibiotics. so stupid they did not even put you on a trial dose. I saw a lot of doctors during this process and the 3 who were most helpful include: John Cahill - SLR - he is a travel medicine doctor, but know a lot about LYme, he accepts insurance, his office staff are horrible, but he nice - 212-492-5500. Carolyn Barley Britton is up at Columbia - a neurologist that knows a lot about the neurological impact of Lyme 212-305-5220 and Steven Phillips - he is an internist up in CT who really only deals with Lyme. He is a self-admitted pessimist, but knows his stuff, he does not take insurance - 203-544-0005. I am so sorry he feel this way. I know it is scary and frustrating not knowing what is going on. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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TY. Sounds like you went through hell, hope you recovered well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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what about testing form something simple, like mono? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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They tested for everything, inc. RA and lupus. I came back positive for parvovirus, but that is supposed to last only 2-3 weeks. When I called the doctor, he said I probably just caught another virus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Dh and I having a horrible time lately and I just told him on the phone I thought we should separate and he agreed, which was the last thing I expected. I am devastated and stunned and can barely breathe. I can't believe I'm going to get divorced, omg I think about my kids and can't stop crying. I just wanted them to have parents who stayed together, unlike mine. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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sorry, have you tried counseling maybe talk about this issue with counselor? how old are kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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have you tried counseling? that seems like a good step to take before separating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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I know it does. I've been in therapy, but we have two jobs each and literally cannot find the time or money to go to counseling. It's pathetic. Could it really help THAT much, when we're this unhappy? (though we really do love each other.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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it could totally help that much. if you each have two jobs then you're probably not seeing each other very much, or spending much time as a family, which could be contributing to the problems. any way to cut down on working a bit? (i know, i know...) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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No. We're broke, and sending dd to private school on major FA; we both work hard because we desperately need the money, but it's true we hardly ever see each other, we have very little family time :-((( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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Well divorce will increase all financial problems 10fold. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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Yes it could. You need to find the time for it. You owe it to your kids to make the effort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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why wouldn't you try to work through it before making a phone call and separating? That is not the way to go - try counseling [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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We've tried. It's been bad for a year, maybe more, and when I look hard I can see that the issues have been there since the beginning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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maybe you're both just angry and lashing out. nothing is written in stone at this point. either of you willing to consider counseling? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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maybe I should really insist on this. I thought I wanted to be apart from him but now I feel totally opposite of that, like I didn't want this at all, I wanted him to say "NO, we shouldn't separate. I love you, let's try to make each other happy." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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right, i've been there, almost daring the other person to agree with my ludicrous plan, which wasn't really what i wanted. but when you said you should separate, he might have been hurt and wanted to hurt you too. hard as it is, give him and yourself some time to cool down and then tell him what you really want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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np: say that to him then! he probably feels the same way. no reason to make this a stand off. fight for your marriage! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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you could tell him that: "i'm sorry i said this awful thing that i didn't really mean and don't really want. I know we are unhappy now, but i love you and want to remain a family with you and our kids." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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thank you all. These are very kind and thoughtful responses. Of course they're making me cry more but I still appreciate them ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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i am sorry. not trying to hurt you more, but i have to ask - why did you suggest separation if it wasn't what you wanted? in my opinion (i would do this if i were you), i'd tell him that i didn't mean to say that, a separation is not something that i really want, but that we cannot go on the way we've been. make it clear that you are not in the habit of making idle threats. i wish you luck. really [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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I did it because I just felt so incredibly frustrated, lost, hurt, sad.... I have told him over and over we need counseling if we're going to make it, that I sense that we're on the brink, and I just don't feel like he REALLY responds. He's so damn overworked, I get that. But I just lost it. I wanted to spur him into actually DOING something about our marriage, not wanting it to end. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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i understand you completely. i have said things i didn't really mean in order to get dh's attention. you just have to own up to it and say that you didn't really mean it and fron now on will only say what you mean. it's hard when you are unhappy and feeling unheard. try asking him calmly if he still loves you and wants to continue as a family. good luck. i mean it. you sound like a nice person who just made a mistake out of frustration, not a compulsive manipulator. i hope things work out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:56 AM Flag
[ - ] i have a nasty case of toenail fungus on my big toe. can't take the pill for it bc we're ttc. what can i do to make it look halfway decent? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:43 AM Flag
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cover it in vicks every night before bed and put a sock over it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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vicks vaporub? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:07 AM Flag
[ - ] so we are going on vaca w/o DS - our live-in nanny will be taking care of him. what is standard comp for this - I was thinking she should get her daily pay plus one-half daily pay for the overnight period. is that fair? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.03.08, 09:42 AM Flag
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what do you pay per week for a live-in? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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$525 (not in NYC - in W'chester) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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I would up it a bit, but not that much. When I was a fulltime live-in I got $600/wk (this was 3 years ago) and when they were away I got an extra $100. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:52 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone out there who built a wall to convert dining alcove to additional bedroom - how much did the construction cost? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 07.03.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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This is not so hard to do. Studs are 16" on center. Get a pre hung door. Unless you are running electric you should be able to do it in a weekend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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op: dont want to diy. plus I dont think the board will allow. also want french doors [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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FYI: all that glass means a lot of noise between the rooms. Do you need approval for non structural stuff like that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:18 AM Flag
[ - ] DD missed two days of camp this week because of the holiday and being out sick today. I could make up these two days on a monday/tues before we go away for a few weeks or I could pay for 3 more days and do an entire week at the end of august. not sure if I should keep that week open or if I'll be dying to have her busy and entertained at that point! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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i would do the last week in august unless you need the time before you go away to get ready and don't want her in your hair. but ime, you need some thing at the end of summer for them to do or else boredom (and driving you nuts) sets in [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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yes, you are right, I think. we are so tired of the park/sprinklers, etc. and all the concerts, events. are pretty much done by then, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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the last two weeks in august are always stretches for me to find something to do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Someone please tell me about how you tried and tried to get your child into a school better than your "crappy zoned school" and couldn't test out, couldn't get a private, couldn't afford a private, didn't win a lottery spot and couldn't get a variance. After all that, tell me how you just shrugged your shoulders and sent your dc to the crappy zoned school anyway because that was the morally correct thing to do. Please tell us how it all turned out! 69 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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we didn't go through all that hastle, just put our dd in our zoned school (not a great one but really no school is that "crappy" if you don't think of it that way), and she's doing very well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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all schools are what you make of them. Your bad attitude will not get you or your kids very far anywhere, be it at Anderson, PS38, or Yale [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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Your whole statement rests on "crappy zoned school." That is so subjective. There are parents here who think anything less than Anderson is a crappy zoned school, not good enough for their precious child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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that's why I put it in quotes, because I've read over and over on here about parents disappointed about the G&T results because they have a "crappy zoned school" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:43 AM Flag
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we are in that situation and will not send ds to zoned school. still working on other options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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why not? seriously? It is school - your kid will succeed if you give him the tools to do so [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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I've toured my zone school and talked with the principal. The school has zero parent involvement and basically serves children from the near by housing project (principal said this). We were not even shown the general ed classrooms on the tour. The teachers were hard working, class sizes were great, but I would not be comfortable sending dc there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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parent involvement can start with one- you. There is nothing wrong with children from the housing projects unless you're determined to raise your child in a diversity-free environment. With hard-working teachers and good class sizes, I think you're 80% of the way to a great school experience for your dc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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np-stop being such a fucking pollyanna. There is a LOT to be concerned about here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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why the attitude? I have sent my dcs to a "not great" school for the past 4 years because it was our only option. We weren't thrilled at first but they are excelling in school, making good friends from all walks of life, and we are very happy with where they are now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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which school is that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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not outing myself because i know other moms UB, but it is in Brooklyn, not one of the ones mentioned below [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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261? I don't think that's it, because that's a great school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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no, but nearby. The school we're at is constantly making strides and improving, but is still not considered "good" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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PS 38? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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perhaps ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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Are you in the G & T at whatever school it is? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:09 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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np: We were at 261 until recently. 7 years ago when we first moved to Brooklyn, 261 was NOT a sought-after school. It's because parents stopped pulling their kids out getting a variance to 29 and/or private that the school became popular. And I don't think a thing changed about the teachers or the school - it was all about how UMC families thought about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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NNP: this is often the case, but sometimes (and I've seen this first hand) you will find principals who don't want change. They want to marginally improve scores for the kids who are getting 1, because they know this will move them right up the DOE food chain. They are NOT receptive UMC parents and their concerns. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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the doe is also being sued by a parent because her kindergartener was sodomized by another 6 year old in the bathroom. And being the one involved parent is not going to turn it around for the 200+ kids in the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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this is at the school you toured? THAT is a very different story than "kids from the projects" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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how do you know about this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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or--read it in the newspaper [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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a 6 year old can sodomize someone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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np. Yes. Go look up the definition of sodomy. Technically oral-genital or oral-anal contact are sodomy, not just genital-anal, which is what I expect you're thinking of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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do you have the details of this story? What school? Link, what type of sodomy? Where they in the same class? Thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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or--yes, they were in the same class and sent to the bathroom together. the mother felt that if the school knew the sodomizer had issues, he should not have been sent to the bathroom unsupervised. don't have a link; the article was from the fall. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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have you considered that the school probably did NOT know the 6yo sodomizer had issues? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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sure, but I used to be a school social worker at a low income school. there were certain kids that could not be alone with other children or sent places on their own. I don't think you molest your friend in the bathroom without other warning signs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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its probably hard to differentiate between a normal hi-strung 6yo and one with more major issues. The poor child is probably being sexually abused at home as well [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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having worked in schools, it's not that difficult to separate the two. I assumed that he had been abused himself. I still am not comfortable sending my dc to this school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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that's your choice, but going to morally questionable means to get out of it seems bad to me, especially if your dc would be in G&T classes and likely not interact with troubled children like this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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or--not sure what you mean by "morally questionable means"; my dc would be in the gen ed, not the g&t [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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oh, ok. I meant the buying a studio in a good zone or faking an address [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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we're considering all options--another year in prek, moving or renting an apartment in another zone. you would be happy to send your dc to a gen ed school like this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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I wouldn't be happy and would probably move, but if I had NO options I would - it sounds like the school/teachers are now very alert and aware and such an incident won't likely happen again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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because they are being sued? I'm sure they will do what they can to prevent such an incident from happening again, but that doesn't make the atmosphere of that program any better. Nor does it change the attitude of the support staff who spoke harshly to the children (and me). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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ok, you keep bringing up more issues that weren't clear before. Clearly you're not sending your kid to this school, I probably wouldn't either, but from the op it sounded like it wasn't that bad with small classes and great teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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That's because I really wanted to give the school a chance and not just dismiss it because of it's location/reputation. Having worked in similar schools, I know how hard the teachers work and how many social issues they have to contend with. I've even considered volunteering there, but it would not be a good place for my dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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^^or the poor dc who are stuck there with no options [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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and how did the school know that this child was a sodomizer? Had it beeen done in the past? This "issue" word is far too vague. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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the school described above, with all kids from the projects, doesn't sound very diverse to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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I doubt they are all from the projects. almost no schools are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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she said the principal told her that. it is what it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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no, she didn't say that actually. she said it basically serves children from the projects [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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or--the principal said the gen ed is all project kids; the g&t gets some none project kids. I've observed recess and been on the tour; it is not a diverse school [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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^^92.5 % qualify for free lunch [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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We lived in an area (Bklyn) with a mediocre zoned school. It wasn't crappy or failing, but certainly not great, and every older parent we met in the neighborhood had managed to get kids in the neighboring good schools via a variance or some other method. Then DOE stopped giving them. A group of parents decided to try the pre-K year at our zoned school, thinking we'd try for lottery somewhere else if we hated it. It was great, we all decided to stay and worked hard to make school better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:42 AM Flag
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exactly - this is why some selective schools in newly "gentrified" areas are becoming steadily better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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^^^now school is very desirable. This is the story of many schools in Brooklyn (PS 8, PS 58, PS 39, PS 107, PS 154....and so on). But if my zoned school hadn't worked out, we would have kept calling the charter/magnet schools in September to try for a spot -- I mean, constantly keep calling and applying and often a spot opens up. At last resort, we would have moved to better zone or suburbs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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OP: this is an awesome story! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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Thanks! And lots of those parents had kids who would have very likely qualified for G&T programs, but in Brooklyn, they weren't that desirable and none of us even had our dcs tested because we preferred a mediocre zoned school we could make better to a G & T in a completely failing school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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ps59 mom? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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OP: No, it's in response to the thread on "cheaters" getting into schools they aren't zoned for [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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FWIW, I am the end-result of a crappy elementary and JHS education in the NYC public school system in the 70s, which was worlds worse than today. My parents were immigrants and did not have time or knowledge to work the system to get a better school. Eventually tested into Stuy, as did both of my brothers who also had similar experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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and I'm sure you turned out completely terrible (j/k) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:58 AM Flag
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OR: Yes, illiterate, drugged-out, and pregnant in high school. All because I didn't get a variance! ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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aww, poor you! lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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Why is it the morally correct thing to do? Sending your kids to a school other then your zoned public school is not immoral. Nor does it it make any better a person or parent it you do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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No, it's not immoral to send your kid to another school if you do so honestly. But it is immoral to fake your address instead of following the legal channels. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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i wholeheartedly disagree and the OR on this thread is a great example of why. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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Refusing to lie doesn't make you a better person? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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We did. It worked out fine. The school worked with us, we got involved. Glad we made the choice we did and we can hold our heads high. And this is 4 years now, so it was back in the day when it was much easier to fake your address. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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what school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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Sorry, not outing myself! D6. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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how could you out yourself? is your child the only one at the school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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No but I don't want to insult other parents who were happier to go there than we were. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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lol, got it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:59 AM Flag
[ - ] Question re: P/T babysitter who works 29 hours week on weekdays at $15/hour requested $20/hour for weekend babysitting. Is this standard? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:34 AM Flag
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That's what we pay...she is giving up her weekend after all... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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No, ours charges same rates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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I was a p/t babysitter and never would have thought of charging more for weekends. That seems ridiculous [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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It seemed a bit strange she has been with us since January-she has sat on a weekend at the same rate in the past and just came back asking for $20 for a Saturday night. 1 child 11 months old. I don't want to be cheap with the person who cares for my kid but it seemed a bit much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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I would just tell her that you can't afford that, and find another sitter for weekends if nec. $15/hr for 1 db is a very good rate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:02 AM Flag
[ - ] how long to hamptons (east ) today at 4pm ? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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4 hours with one potty break [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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i cant even imagine making that trip at 4pm? anyway you can go later? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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