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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Any Dems voting for McCain? If so, why? 78 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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not me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:47 PM Flag
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nope, and my republican parents are voting for Obama as well [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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same here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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you are a rep? and you are voting Obama? You aren't a real republican then [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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I'm a dem voting for obama, my parents are republican voting for obama [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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well a dem voting for him makes sense. A rep voting for him does not. He is pretty far to the left. I do like some of what he says but he kind of scares me. Of course so does McCain so I don't know who to vote for! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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Neither of my parents like what he is saying about the war, especially regarding Iran. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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np: OBAMA! I'm ready for the war machine to slow down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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I wonder how much will really change though? I think there are things that only the president and very high ups are privy too. Once Obama gets briefed, he might change his tune. Interesting to see [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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I doubt that he is going to be nearly as likely to start a war with Iran without exploring all possibilities, which McCain seems totally willing to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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It won't be a 100% about face, by any means, but I don't expect things to stay the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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hip hip hooray [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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sweet! there is hope!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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yes- hate his tax plan, and obama keeps moving to the right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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hardly! He wants to take more $$ from those evil rich people and give it to other people. That's hardly right [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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oh lord. It was so infuriating when my independently wealthy bf paid significantly less in taxes b/c all of his were capital gains instead of income. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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ok here is the real issue to me. When you tax capital gains, you are really taxing someone for being a smart investor and saving his/her money. Indepenantly wealthy people may get a break too but most millionaires started out middle class or less and are self made. I think it is wrong and works against human nature to punish behavior we should want to encourage - like working hard, saving and investing $$ etc etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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but why should they pay any more or less than people who had to work for their money. And I'm afraid that most of the independently wealthy that I know inherited their money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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life isn't fair. Some people have more and pay less and vice versa. I think it's shortsighted to punish people for being smart even if Paris Hilton benefits too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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but I don't see a reason to reward them either. It just means that it is hard for others to save. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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how is punishing someone who was good with their money and time make it easier or harder for someone who was not good with decisions etc? If anything, the rich person, even Paris Hilton types, are consuming and creating jobs for poor slobs like me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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but having capital gains be lower than most income tax brackets is "punishing" the working class; I don't see any justification for that either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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I think everyone's taxes are too high. I think they need to cut spending and lower taxes all around. Also, capital gains are paid on money that has already been taxed so in a way it's double taxation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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ok, so would you cut public funding pretty much totally or would you get out of the wars we're in? Do you have any idea how much more we're already spending than we bring in via taxes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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oh yes. I think we spend far too much and spending should be drastically cut. Don't want to argue about the war but there is plenty of pork that can and should be wiped out. Makes me so mad! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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You are kidding me. The pork McCain talks about is a drop in the bucket, and besides he has no prayer to get his GOP collegues to give it up. He has not offered one sensible idea on what to cut. So much for balancing the budget. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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that pork doesn't amount to the trillions in debt that we are getting. It is a lot, yes, but not as much as education, transportation costs. Studys show that the % federal taxes go down, state taxes go up the same amount because the funding needs to come from somewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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The education budget is minimal on federal level, it's all states. Look at military spending, social security, medicare, and debt repayment as major drains on the budget. Which ones will you cut? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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Lets cut out debt repayment, our kids can figure it out later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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You don't somehow seriously believe that the Paris Hilton-types are creating jobs for the average person? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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"You know what assholes congenitally wealthy people are - it never fails" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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Not evil rich- people who are self employed, make over $200 a yr, wants to up the tax bracket. And everytime I hear him speak, Obama is backtracking his own views to be more conservative. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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you do know that "self employed" small business owners create the majority of jobs for us regular people in this country right? What will happen if you raise their taxes? Fewer jobs. Pretty simple really. The dems want to kill the goose that lays the golden egg [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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thank you! My dh employs 8 people, and planned to hire 2 more, but is now waiting until the election to see if he can afford both. Time for a change, huh? And the whole Reverend thing is unsettling. He knew what the guy was like for years, and then dropped him once the press showed his true colors. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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I am much less concerned about where he went to church (even if some of what is said there is nuts!) than what he says he is going to do. I like some of what he says. I like the fact that he is encouraging people to take responsibility for themselves etc. But he leans too far to the left for me financially speaking. I worry about teh economy under his leadership [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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hmmm GW has done such a stellar job. It just proves Republicans are better at this... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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Well McCain already said he does not know much about the economy. His chief economic adviser called us 'nation of whiners'. What more do we need? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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Well, it would also be nice to have someone who has his head in the sand about inflation and the housing bust;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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200,000/year is not rich, but it is significantly higher than the majority of Americans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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Yeah, after taxes now, 200 is 120, and if Obama gets his way, it will be 98. That is the difference between me staying hime with our dcs and working. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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home [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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fantastic point! ANd then of course eveyrone will scream that we need "free" child care so that you can go to work and they will take even more $$ from people! Crazy! Why don't we just tax people less and let them take care of their own familes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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What will people that make under 50K do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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be able to use some of the $$ that would have gone to taxes to go to night school and get a better job maybe? I make just over $50K so don't call me an slitist either. I know why I am sort of poor and am not bitter about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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So, they can stay at home with their kids and use what money for school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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what? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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That is what poster is saying. It makes no sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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I doubt that will happen, but you also have to feel lucky to not HAVe to work. (I am not saying that it shouldn't be a choice that we should all have for some time, and it is a shame that it is more like a luxury these days. Saddens me.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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maybe she was smart about finances and saved her money (which would tehn be taxed AGAIN when she makes money on her investments) Maybe her DH worked his butt off getting a good job. Luck has very little to do with it. We are all lucky to live in a country that has incredible opportunities. Don't let jealousy ruin your outlook because you made some bad choices [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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I didn't make BAD choices, honey. However, people have to realize what most people make and what median income is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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I do. My HHI is just a few 1000 $ above median income. I made some bad choices. I accept that fact and don't expect anyone else to bail me out of it. I'm just saying don't be jealous of someone who has more than you. It's not becoming [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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I am not being jealous just saying the reality for most people. Stop putting words into my mouth. I was more criticizing the state of child care in this country and the change that has happened in the last 50 years that it has now become a luxury when it was not before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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2 things have heavily influenced what has changed. One is higher taxes. The other is higher expectations of what we "need" to live. The size of the avg starter home has tripled (I think - saw some stats months ago and it was huge!) in the last 50 years. Crazy what we expect just to have just because we want it and want it now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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What about health care? I live in 550 square foot apartment with stepson and dd and don't complain, but health care drives most of my decisions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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there are a lot of good ideas out there about how to fix that. I'm too tired right now to go into it but google free market solutions health care crisis orsomething and I'll bet you can find someething. Giving more power to the govt and taking more $$ out of our pockets is not the answer IMHO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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I am not suggesting that. However, the system is broken. The one thing that I feel like my family must have is that. I could never stop working because dh doesn't have coverage. FWIW, he did become a sahd for 1 year and, and we lived in Manhattan off of less than 50K and supported our family and dh's children from first marriage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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My DH staretd his own firm and it has been a long bumpy road, and now when we thought it would get easier, we are now waiting to see who gets elected before making the next step. We did what we were supposed to, save money, live in a small apt, pay off debts,a dn now to realize that we would have been better off living more like the avg American family with crazy debt is frustrating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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I'm sure it is. I hope everything will turn out ok and if Obama gets in, he won't do too much damage. I vascillate between feeling like everything is going to be fine and feeling like it's the end of western civilization!! LOL! I'll bet you guys will be fine since you have done such a good job of planning etc. We are in debt. Oh well. ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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We are at the edge- we are getting ready to buy a house, and will soon be in the debt trenches like everyone else! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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yeah but house debt is ok. I (hanging head in shame) have manages to accrue some credit card debt. I just went back to work pt and we are working on it. Sigh. Again! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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We just bought a new table because we could not keep using the chipped one that my fil had for 30 years- my dd could get hurt; dont hang your head in shame; people want nice things, and sometimes forget that you cant have all nice things right now! GL getting the cc paid off- you can do it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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thanks! Done it before and I know we will do it again. Just sucks right now. good night! ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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At this point, I do work. It was our plan that I would stay home after we have our second dc, we have a 9 month old dd, but now we may not be able to do that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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I wasn't criticizing you. The economy is bad despite what happens with the election. Above poster made me sound like I was flaming you. I hope that you can stay with your dcs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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flamer from above here - when you tell someone they are "lucky" it kind of negates their hard work and decision making. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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Whatever, lady. I consider myself lucky too. I am telling you that most people don't have the luxury of that choice. End of story. IT IS THE TRUTH. You seem bitter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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I'm not bitter at all. It is not a luxury. It is something you work for and plan for. Or you do like I do and go into debt temporarily. It's a choice. We sacrifice a lot for me to SAH. It's worth it for us. I doubt you could live on what we do. Whatever. I'm lucky in the sense that I live in the USA and that we are all healthy. The rest we do ourselves [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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Hmmm. I bet we do. I bet you'd be shocked at who we support as well. Stop talking like you know me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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LOL! point taken. I hate when people do that to me. Good night! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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You too. I like a nice chat. Otherwise, it is boring. ; ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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Do all you people complaining about taxes realize that this is the first war in US history that we have had that we didn't raise taxes to pay for? It is also, consequently the first war that we have lowered taxes as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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that's because the reps are as bad or worse than the dems about spending what we don't have. Just one reason I won't be voting rep this year (but I'm not voting dem either) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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np: GOP is no more fiscally responsible than the democrats these days, and money is spent on far worse crap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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exactly/ Well not worse but just as bad. They all need to go on a fiscal diet. I say vote them all out of office! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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So tell us what are you going to cut? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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huh? Obama's tax plan is moving to the right so you're going to vote for McCain? That makes very little sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Pre-school HELP --- i love 3.6yo ds pre-school, they let the kids be very independent, however so independent that they don't help kids clean themselves after making #2. my ds came home w/ filthy underwear and butt the other day. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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continued sorry. how can i ask the teacher, in a nice way to please help my kid wipe his a*s. TIA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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I would just call or go in and ask what their policy is for helping with toileting. There might be a legal reason for this, but it's totally bs if you ask me. I'd be pissed if my child came home with a dirty butt--it was probably sore, too. God, it's not like it's first grade for God's sake [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:45 PM Flag
[ - ] If traveling with a 3yo in a taxi without a carseat, do you belt dc in? I've never done it and am not sure how to best manage it. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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no because it's yet another task that will cause me to lose focus and forget to get the stroller out of the trunk while her unclosed juice bottle is seeping thru my bag meanwhile i've accidentally squashed her lunch bag... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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lol. So do you hold your child in the cab or just don't use the belt? Really, never not used car seat and don't know what to do with the lap belt etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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well, i don't ride cabs often, and when i do it's at the most inopportune time - naptime. she drifts right off. yup, i end up holding her somehow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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Thanks. Knowing my dd, she will end up in my lap. I just can't deal with the car seat on this trip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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Depends on the size of the child. Smaller kid-Fasten your seatbelt and hold them in your lap. Otherwise, buckle them in a seat on their own but put the shoulder belt part fully behind them and rely on the lap restraint only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone taken a mortgage lately? I have a client who needs a $125k. mortgage (30 yr. fixed, 6% First Time Buyer program). She is being quoted $4k. in closing costs? That seems high to me??? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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Actually, right on the mark- mtg tax 1.8%, title bill 1.5%., bbank fees 1,000. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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`unfortunately, some bank fees are set, so whether she got a 125 mtg or a 500 mtg, she still pays the saem app fee, bank atty fee, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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I am in Mass, attorney does title search and I don't think we have a mortgage tax...is this federal or state. Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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NY state mtg tax. DOnt know about Mass. Usually bank fees are a thousand, so I would get a good faith estimate from the broker to show the breakdown, federal law states they must get one when commitment is issued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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Thank you v. much [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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she must be buying down the interest rate a point or two or paying origination fees which is not usually nec [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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In NY, closing costs are approx 3-5% of the purchase price. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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ah - it does vary greatly by state [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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Isn't that totally unsanitary? Maybe you could tell the teacher that your ds scratched his behind and got a hand full of pooh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:46 PM Flag
[ - ] our 9 month old dd is just about growing out of her graco snugride infant car seat...which one should we get next? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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I like the chicco [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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The chicco is also an infant seat so it will only last a little longer than the seat you already own. Look at the Britax line for a convertible car seat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone use a playmat they love? Not really into the interlocking foam. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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found an interlocking foam one for my mil that was 4 ft squares, so it is alot easiewr to use than my one foot interlocking squares at toys r us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:40 PM Flag
[ - ] My 14 m.o. is not walking and does not at all seem interested in it. She crawls like a champ and loves to cruise the furniture but has no interest in walking without support. Is this common? Starting to get a little worries. TIA. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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What are you worried about...? Do you think she is never going to walk? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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That this might be some indication of a developmental delay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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My 13 almost 14 month old is exactly the same way. A few people have told me that when they are really good crawlers they just don't see the need to walk right away. My ped didn't seem at all concerned. I know how you feel though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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I think you should be concerned if dd is not walking at 18 months. But I know it's hard to see all of these little kids zooming by her and wondering. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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dd did not crawl until 11 mths and walked at 15 mths. totally fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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DD was a champion crawler, had no interest in walking until 18 months! I didn't worry because my mom said I was a really late walker, too, and just content to crawl everywhere. My ped was going to suggest PT if she wasn't walking by 18 months. She's almost 3 now and RUNS everywhere. Don't worry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Gross question, but can old mouse droppings carry any diseases? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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Hantavirus [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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I don't know how long it takes for the droppings to stop harboring disease, but they definitely can for a while. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:26 PM Flag
[ - ] New nanny starting tomorrow - how much time should I spend at home w/ her & dd before leaving? TIA 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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one full day and 2 half days if you can [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Can I have a quick lesson in all these Abbreviations? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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db - dear baby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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Dh (dear hubby) ita (I totally agree) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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dd, ds, df- dear son, daughter, friend [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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BTDT: been there, done that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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wtf-what the fuck/ wwyd-what would you do/ btw-by the way/ LMAO-laughing my ass off [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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near the end of the left hand collum is a link to a list of most of the abberviations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 07:15 PM Flag
[ - ] I bought a huge box of Thomas trains/tracks at a yard sale today. The mother said her boys were six up. Do I need to worry about any of the recall stuff? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Toddler 07.13.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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I've seen a home lead test for testing toys at Linens and Things I think - I would do that to be sure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] My 15 month old is not walking. Should I be worried? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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My oldest didn't walk until about 18 months. But that was 16 months adjusted age (he was premature). Is this your only child? What's his/her temperment like? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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OP: This is my second daughter. She is a go getter. Crawls like a racehorse! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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ask your dr but late walking is pretty common these days. A lot of kids I know didn't walk till 18 months [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:11 PM Flag
[ - ] looking for recommendations for an OB in NYC who delivers at St Lukes Roosevelt... friend is 4 months along and moving to NYC, interested in possibly using the birthing center, possibly just the regular obstetric wing... If you delivered there with an OB, did you like your doc? TIA 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Newborn 07.13.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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columbus circle practice is good: dr. jew and dr. moritz are both excellent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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will she use a midwife? ABC Midwife and Manhattan Midwifery both deliver at St. Luke's at the birthing center. Not sure if OB/GYNs deliver at the birthing center. They may only deliver on regular floor, but not sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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^^ they both cover for midwives in the birthing center at times and i believe use it themselves. dr. jew is asian, btw. only drawback is that their practice is very crowded. but all the docs are good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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Dr. Jew????? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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he's asian? probably should have been spelled Ju. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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or: no. that's why i said he's asian. people always think this name is a joke. it's his real name. he covered for my midwife and performed a procedure for me later. great doc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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dr. kim is great. i think the practice is westcare medical. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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Yes. I don't see her, but I like them all, which is important since any of them might deliver db. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:28 PM Flag
[ - ] please, please help- i am in major need of advice. i am 26 and my mother is 52. she was recently (2 yrs ago) remarried after being a widow for quite some time. her husband is verbally and emotionally abusive and she is miserable. we also think he is an alcoholic. i'm not sure if this started before the wedding - they were together for three years before and seemed to have no problems, but i guess that is neither here nor there. the problem is that my mother is basically afraid to leave him (and afraid he is going to divorce her) because she thinks she is going to end up "in poverty." while she wouldn't actually be impoverished, she certainly would need to make some serious lifestyle changes. anyway, she is so upset and depressed about all of this that i truly believe she is suicidal. she is also asking me to get involved in ways that i feel extremely uncomfortable doing... so basically (and thanks for reading this far) my question is, would you suck it up and do something uncomfortable if your potentially suicidal parent is crying on the phone begging you to do it? at what point can you say no? i am wracked with guilt and extremely stressed out about this.. 63 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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Do you have money to help her? She is scared of her DH but more scared of being poor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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no, i don't have the money unfortunately. but like i said- she wouldn't be POOR. she makes about 100k/yr with one kid in college. but she also would be living a very different standard of living than the one she's lived for her entire life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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I am guessing she isn't leaving him so I wouldn't get yourself so worked up. She needs therapy because venting to you is so unfair and unhealthy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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yeah, you are prob right, but he might leave her. i think he is pretty screwed up and desperately wants to be single. the thing is, i KNOW that this is unfair and unhealthy but what can i do? i can't tell her she can't talk to me? and i keep suggesting therapy and she comes up with every excuse in the book, then promises to do it, and never follows through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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I think you need to start laying down some boundaries with your mom. Two calls a week and otherwise screen the calls. Your mom sounds very troubled and you are way over your head. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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you've gone this far - what is she asking you to do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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she wants me to fly halfway across the country (she'll pay for the whole thing) to confront his parents, who i have only met a handful of times, about the situation, and say that their son is ruining my mother's life and ruining my and my brother's life, and that i think my mom is going to kill herself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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that sounds kind of insane. [said with compassion, btw] does it feel that way to you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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OR above: Your mom has no boundaries. Not only is her request downright silly it would be wildly inappropriate for you to do this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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to both of your posts- i realize the whole thing is crazy and i know that boundaries should be set, i just feel so guilty about the whole thing and if she actually did commit suicide i would just be a mess for the rest of my life. i don't know how to tell her i won't go and confront these people. every time i try to explain, she just starts hysterically crying about how her life has no meaning anymore and how she is better off being dead. the worst part is that i think she means this stuff, i don't think she's just doing it to get what she wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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she needs to see a dr- and she needs meds [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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thats what i told her. i am going to keep pressing this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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she's trying to guilt trip you. sounds kind of manipulative. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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Was she a teen mother when she had you? Were you more the adult than she? Such a disfunctional relationship. Please take care to notice how this is affecting your relationship with your dh and your dc. They are you priority - [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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no, she was totally fine until my father died when she was 35. and then things went a little downhill, and now that she is remarried its just become god awful. thanks, i am trying to keep this to myself and not talk about it a lot to dh etc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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I'm sorry about your dad most of all. How old were you? I'm sure that was hard [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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thanks, i was young (dont want to give too many details). it was hard. but i can truly say, she is much worse now than she was when all of that happened... which is scaring me a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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How is your college sib dealing with her through this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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he knows nothing. and i don't think it's right for me to tell him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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I agree- does he live there with their mess at all? in the summers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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nope, not at all. he's in his college town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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YES!!! YES!! it is so insane that i cannot even bring myself to discuss it with my husband, bc i know he will go crazy if i do it. but how do you say no to someone who literally IS on the verge of suicide? i have NEVER seen her like this before and i am so worried about her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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I am pretty sure your mother is not going to kill herself. I don't want to be mean but she isn't even willing to bear (imaginary) discomfort in a lower standard of living. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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can she come visit you? (thinking this would get her away from the situation and into immediate safety and give you a chance to get a better sense of what's going on with her - because her suggesting you do this is really bizarre thinking and completely inappropriate in terms of boundaries, as the other pp said.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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yes, have her visit you (and stay in a hotel - your kids don't need to see all this drama) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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she was actually with me all last week. this is terrible to say but it's just been such a drain. and she comes up with these plans and i get sucked in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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OK now I see that YOU need help to deal with this f'ed up relationship you have with your mother. Do you get therapy now? Please cosnider this...you have your own children too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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thanks. i'm in therapy but bc of summer timing/vacation issues it has been very spotty so i'm sort of desperate for guidance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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I think you need to visit her and see what her dh is actually like [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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i have, a few times. he is nice enough in public but i do think he definitely has a drinking problem. i also heard one of his voicemails to her that sounded emotionally abusive and he was clearly drunk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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Such bad advice...please do not get further embroiled in this drama [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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it's not terrible to say. i know what you mean. and the fact that you recognize it's a drain means you are healthy. so hold on to that part of yourself. if she is really suicidal, then she needs to see a psychiatrist or go to an emergency room. if she calls you again threatening suicide, then let her know that you will stay on the line with her while you call an ambulance on her behalf on another line. you have to throw in a little tough love here with the empathy. some of what your describing sounds very manipulative - not saying she's not truly in distress as well - but - now pay attention, this is important: YOU CAN'T WORK HARDER AT HELPING HER THAN SHE IS WILLING TO WORK HERSELF. remind yourself of that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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thank you for the advice- i will definitely follow it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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i just hope it helps. it is so hard to have a mother who is crazy (even if it's just temporary). know you are not alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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your mother needs to deal with her marriage problems herself, not thru you. it's one thing to be empathetic and supportive, it's another to be an agent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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God Lord are you serious. Maybe your mom is the one with the mental issues. She is a grown woman in her 50s I'm guessing who wants her dd to confront her dh's 70+ parents _ and what in the world does she expect his mommy and daddy to do about it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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well she is clearly severely depressed, maybe more mental issues, i have no idea. all i know is that this entire thing is scaring me half to death because i have never seen her like this. she thinks that her dh only listens to his parents and no one else can convince him to get the help he needs and to stop abusing his wife (that is what she said to me anyway). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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You said your mom is 52, how old is her DH that he's still listening to his parents? Does he have children too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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i dont want to give too many details. he is older than she is actually. and yes, he has adult children, who are basically half the cause of all of the problems (they are HORRIBLE). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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No offense but they see your mom as a gold digger so of course they dislike her [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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Odds are they are unhappy about the possibility that some of their father's money may go to her rather then them. Funny thing is someone posted about that on UB just a few days ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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oh geez haha hope it wasn't them. theres also a big dramatic backstory but i can't post it here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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Was your mom involved with him while he was still married to their mother? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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no, but she knew the family while they were still together. i know for a fact that they were not involved until WAY after the divorce, AND the wife left him, but who knows what his kids know and think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:39 PM Flag
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i don't understand how she will end up in poverty - he'll go after her for alimony? a 3 year marriage? do they have a lot of joint assets or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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no, she basically has been very irresponsible with money and is now dependent on him for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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money is usually at the root of marital problems. he's unhappy with her financial irresponsibility? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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no, its a weird situation. they have kept their money separate and she's been BLOWING through hers. so she is about to run out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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she put herself in this situation. and she's looking for someone to bail her out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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So she wants him to support her...which it appears he is not willing to do. Is your mom super manipulative, could she be doing this to illicit his resources and pity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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Sorry but this does not sound like her DH's doing at all. Your mom needs to get control over the situation. Complaining to her dh's parents (who are probably in their late 70s at least) sounds totally insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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It sounds like she's not such a joy to be married to either. Very hard to know how she is contributing to their problems [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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yes, i am sure that she is at least partly responsible. basically, without getting into details, he is doing some bad stuff, but she is responding VERY inappropriately (totally over the top) which is pissing him off more, etc etc and its a vicious cycle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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i'm reading all these posts and your mother sounds like a perfectly awful person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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agree - sounds like they are made for each other [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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op: does anyone know, is there any way i can delete this post? i'm a little worried that i've outed myself, esp now that the post is linked on the side. if my step-siblings saw this i would be totally screwed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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I honestly don't think you've outted yourself [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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I wouldn't worry too much. The other story that has been talked about around here involved very little money and the couple was together for ages. (the first wife had died when the kids were really young). Also, believe it or not, there are a ton of people going through similar things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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op: ok thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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Whoa...Do not go. Do you have other sibs? does she? If yes, Where are they? Your Mom sounds seriously unstable and completely emotionally disturbed. I'm assuming, because of your age- that you're not a health professional; in the case that you were, it would be inappropriate to diagnose and treat your mother. The one person I'm not hearing much about is the one I'd be more concerned about-the college kid. Are they living in the home? financially dependent on that couple? If yes to either, save any resources you'd otherwise offer to your Mom and try to help your sib. Your Mom is not your child. Don't dive into her mess and DO NOT approach her H's parents! Next suicide threat- call EMS in her area. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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my only other sibling is the college age kid, who knows nothing and does not live at home. yes, he is financially dependent.. but he doesn't know that that is in jeopardy and i think it should stay that way. she has siblings and i told her that i think she should talk to them, i guess she's already tried and they said they wanted to "stay out of it".. sigh. i don't feel comfortable contacting them about this. and i don't want to talk to her dh's parents but i just feel guilty because i DO think she is being abused, as crazy as she is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:47 PM Flag
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not or, but you absolutely should not feel guilty, his parents can not do anything, and it shows how little your mother is willing to take responsibility for her own happiness. There is NOTHING you can do to help in this situation except call the EMS next time she threatens suicide. You can't fix the horrible situation that she got herself into. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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Well then, you should help in sensible, proactive ways. Research helpful organizations in her area and make a list of Mental Health, Women's Empowerment Centers, Financial Planning Assistance and Abuse Hotline Resources. You can be supportive while setting a precedent of not giving over your life to her poor choices. While you're at it, add a suicide hotline # to the list. I'm not trying to be cold but don't fool yourself- the college kid knows more than you assume. At most you can tell her to call the cops-she should call them before you- or a grown man's parents- anyway. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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