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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Anyone know where I can buy Bensimon sneakers here? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 07.14.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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YES YES YES.... You can buy them at www.shoploveyoubaby.com or at The Shoe Garden www.shoegardennyc.com 152 W 10th St New York, NY 10014 (212) 989-4320 Get directions [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.07.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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you can also get a ton of information from the bensimon girls, the sales agency for la tennis bensimon - located in nyc. www.thebensimongirls.com [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.07.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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SPAM! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.08.08, 06:32 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone ever successfully get something off of their credit report? I moved out of an apt. 7 yrs ago. More than 6 yrs ago, I guess Verizon sent a bill for a remainder of a phone bill. I never got it. No bill ever came to my new address, and now, more than 6 yrs later, I get a bill from a collection agency, and its already been reported to credit agencies. I am happy to pay what I owe, but I don't want to pay it without assurances that this will be deleted from credit reports. PO'd big time that Verizon couldn't manage to get a bill to me, but somehow the credit agency could? Any advice? It is for 85 bucks, which I can easily pay. Most annoying is that verizon won't help me--we have 3 phone lines, dsl, and cell phone from them, which I will happily dump if they don't help me. So far, Verizon does not seem to care. TIA. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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yes, we had this exact issue with Verizon. dh spent hours on the phone with them getting things sorted (it was messing up the refinancing of our mortgage). So annoying, but it did get fixed. gl [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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thanks. Can you tell me who the collection agency was? Mind is AFNI. I don't know whether I owe this or not, but to not get a bill for nearly 7 yrs, and open other verizon accts w/o trouble makes no sense. Was the acct pulled from the collection agency? Any specific advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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I'm sorry, I guess our situation wasn't exactly the same -- the reason we knew it had been reported to the credit agencies was b/c dh's credit score was suddenly too low for us to refinance our mortgage, so he dealt with Verizon directly, we didn't have to deal with a credit agency. OTOH, I have dealt with collection agencies before; they should be able to get the back up you need, and get your name cleared with the credit agencies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:15 AM Flag
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I had this with MCI -- after it went under. Still on my credit report since company is out of business -- just listed as "disputed" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:18 AM Flag
[ - ] WOHM confession: It amazes me that so many brilliant women with MBAs, JD's, etc. quit completely to stay home with their kids... I think it makes it harder on those who stay because bosses think we too will quit. 128 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 07.14.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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oh shut it. I will do what I think is best for my family. You do the same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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np: This is the attitude that keeps things so hostile toward women in the workplace. If more women decided to stay in, together they could collectively change things for the better. I'm a biglaw attorney and in my 8 or so years, almost every woman I started with is gone, for these reasons, primarily. If more women stayed in, and put on more pressure for a lattice-structure rathter than ladder-structure partnership model, women could have the same footing as men, and still be able to go for partner but on a longer, less direct timeframe. You wouldn't see the droves of women having to leave because they can't do both (though you would still see those leaving who don't WANT to do both). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:12 AM Flag
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Come on, do you really think women should try to bill 2,000 hours a year while raising 1 and 3 yo if they have an alternative? I am all for women working but that particular job is absolutely nuts if you have a family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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its nuts for a man, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:52 AM Flag
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I think the problem is with the bosses' attitudes, not with professional women who decide to stay home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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it's the grind- life is more than making money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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itta [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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np: Those bosses are often women too. And honestly I have not seen that much attitude about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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Good point. Neither have I. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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me three- my boss is a woman & was totally decent about me reducing schedule [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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me four [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:36 AM Flag
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ITTA. I think staying home with the kids is great if the mom is cut out for it-and I don't think having an MBA/JD/Ph.D/high-powered career and being capable of caring for small children well are mutually exclusive. It is regrettable that the choice to stay home makes it harder on those who stay. By the same token, I think it is regrettable that those who stay don't always work harder to make it easier for parents to care for their small children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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Actually- OP here - I think FT SAHM is MUCH harder than ANY job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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Totally depends on number of kids and their ages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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Thank you for that. I sahm (wahm p/t, but very little, and very lucky to have the opportunity to do so w/ a good consulting gig). I love being w/ my kids, but it is definitely enervating in a way that wohm is not. On the rare days I have wohm, I have much more energy! Luckily, my dh says the same thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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totally depends on the person, their kids, their circumstances [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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What better way to apply the education than in raising a human being? All of the knowledge gets passed on... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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So I have the education of my mother (an MD) and should be able to write Rx's? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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I read recently that 75% of female Harvard MBA are either not working at all or only part-time 10 years after getting the degree. I thought that was pretty high number. But then again, most of them likely have partners who make loads of money so making more is not a big consideration. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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It is a tough decision, I totally agree - but working full time keeps me whole, helps me contribute to our bottom line and shows my son that a woman can do it, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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I don't understand why you need to mull about what other women do- if you are happy with your decision, great. One size doesn't fit all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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It affects me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Why? How so? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Why would it? If anything, there should be less competition if other women leave. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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That makes great sense to me (and I'm a SAHM). To each her own. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Wow, if I had a Harvard MBA I would be so motivated to keep going. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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np: You know, I finished my PhD and wasn't in love with my job options, so I wasn't sorry to stop and SAHM for a while. I thought I'd be so motivated with this professional & educational accomplishment, but I just wasn't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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Me too. I think its gross that women are just abandoning their careers and education. Signed - mom with a very mediocre education and career path [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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Why? I think it's near impossible to have two partners both doing a high profile career with 80 hour work week while raising children. One of them should scale back. It can be the guy of course but for majority of couples it is still the woman. Bearing children may well have something to do with it too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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Ok then scale back - don't coast. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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I have, but to be honest I am wondering about quitting entirely on weekly basis. We don't need the money, the job is not really that satisfying, so why am I still there? I can totally see why women quit entirely. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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no matter how shitty your current job is? or how much you actually hate the career you are in? Just because you got a degree from Harvard you are supposed to keep pushing? Bollocks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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i wah and sometimes agonize abt not being out there in the 'real' working world. dh tells me to put it into perspective this way: he has 1 life, he doesn't want to spend all of it stressing and striving. if he can help me avoid this, he's happy to. his aim is to make as much $$ as quickly as possible until he feels comfortable we can coast comfortably, then he's going to quit the grind and experience the world with his family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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I agree to a certain point - the mommy track does exist (and I am on it...having 2 children and taking 6mo leave each time.) I am hoping now to start to be taken seriously and hope for a promotion soon. However I would certainly encourage my DD to get as much advanced degrees and experience as possible. If she decides she wants to stay home - fine but then she may have more options later. My sister has been out of the workforce for 6 years and is now coming back in as a financial planner 3x week - she was hired b/c she has strong education, columbia MBA, worked at McKinsey and has good contacts. (if she did not have this pedigree I am sure it would be much more difficult to get back in.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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Interesting point. I went on the "Mommy Track" at my IB firm and was treated so poorly I had to switch departments - no way would they promote me after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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the term 'mommy track' makes me want to vomit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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do you have a better way to describe it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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I work p/t, sah p/t and I'm not on a track. I have a career that I am well trained for and love and I also love having the flexibility to stay home half time to raise my daughter. I'm a mom and a worker, that's how I would describe myself. I'm not running on a track [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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ah...you don't understand what I mean by "mommy track" this is a term to describe when you are at a company and want to progress etc. but end up going nowhere b/c either you take time out or the company "assumes" that you will be out again due to children, or they assume you can't put in the "hours this job demands" b/c of family responsibilities. Y [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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^^your decision was exactly that - your decision which is great! For some of us the decision is made for us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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np: I don't buy that at all- we have free choice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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not exactly - I couldn't "choose" to be the one in the family to have the kids. I guess I could choose not to have children but that doesn't seem fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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Actually, you could chose whether you want to have kids or not. You could also chose with dh to have him stay at home or chose to both work p/t or make any number of arrangements. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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I chose to have kids and stay in workforce (having DH stay home not an option as we need both our incomes unless we want to living in a shack (I don't live in NYC) - but despite coming back both times I have fallen behind on the promotion ladder. This is the "price" that I pay to have children but why should I? I am more of the mind of scandi countries which mandate men to take 3 mo paternity leave to try to level the playing field. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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A shack? Fallen behind? Sounds like you're in the grind. It's all a big competition to you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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you really don't get it do you? If I don't get a promotion soon people (internal and externally) will assume something is wrong with me - when the only thing is that I have had 2 children and took 6mo off. yes it was a choice but now I am paying for it. Regarding the shack comment - I don't have huge dreams - we rent a small apt now and are saving to buy a small house - I don't think that is too much to ask. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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I don't get it at all- if you are good at what you do and enjoy it, who cares if people think that having kids makes you 'wrong'? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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its not that having kids makes me "wrong" its a question of resources for my family. I need to work for $$ - promotion means I have more for my family - if I don't get promotion I still have to work the same number of hours for less. Why will I not get it? b/c I am behind already and competing with men, single women and gay without children who have been able to stay in and grind ahead. It is fustrating to still have to work but watch as people who are good but not as good as me just fly ahead - its not the time I took off before but all during my preg (6 mo) that I am not "discounted" for good projects b/c I am leaving. Someone has to populate the world but why can't society/companies give us some credit and maybe a bit more flexibility. Now when I talk with HH they say ...o you are already 36 with no management experience hmmm it is starting to look bad for you. this does not seem fair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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this is why scandinavia / western europe appeals so much to me and dh. seriously. we are thinking of emigrating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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well don't leave yet - I live in [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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^^^to fast to hit enter - I live in France and it is not so great here for women to advance - but very supportive of women working! I don't know if it is better or worse than US [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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There is a serious bias against women in workplace in much of Europe (I grew up there) because employers know they will take off for long periods of time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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np: I have also fallen behind the promotion ladder, but it's mostly about the fact that I don't want to work that hard any more. I am not putting in the hours I used to, nor do I plan to again. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:34 AM Flag
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Yeah, ok. I worked at a place where it was thought that if a woman took a leave to have a baby, she wouldn't come back. It was a bad company culture there. But, who cares? Do what you have to do [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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ita -- having worked at two different big law firms -- the culture at each one as very different. One (the lesser fimr, incidentally) it was assumed that you were outta there after baby and the other, everyone comes back. It is just a better culture. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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me, too. i'm in that awkward no-man's-land. when people ask me if i work, i tell them p/t, but it's not entirely correct. sometimes i'm working my ass off and not sleeping for 2 wks straight, sometimesi have nothing to do (freelance designer, work from home. have nanny only p/t, and it's TOUGH!) however, people can't seem to grasp this idea and just decide for themselves that i'm sah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:36 AM Flag
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I did this. Part time was not an option at my firm, and their idea of "full time" was way more time than I was willing to spend away from my dcs. I don't regret it at all. OTOH, I was a partner for 8 years, so it's not like they didn't get their moneys' worth out of me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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Ding ding ding. I have a "pedigree" and WOHM FT but many of my friends have DH's that make nice money and when faced with their options (having children w/o a parent for 9, 10 hours a day if they wanted a house outside the city) they felt they would rather be with their kids. I think OP is belittling motherhood. I want my DD to know it's honourable to WOHM or SAHM - I have nothing to prove to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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I agree, I think OP is belittling being a mom and also feeding into the idea that having a work title is the most important thing in life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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ita. if you love your career and think it's worth it to be wohm, by all means, go for it. if your career is mediocre, or tormenting you (as it was in my case), i don't think it's worth it. both are honorable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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I agree. I have the best for me- p/t in a career I love & p/t with dd [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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or: that's what i'm doing. i love it now, so much more than when i was WOH. i have been freelancing from home for a long time...i don't have any ladder to climb, which sometimes makes me feel like i'm a slacker compared to my friends, but at the end of the day, i think i've been able to pack in so much more than work into my life this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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I don't look at the ladder as something to envy. What are you climbing for? What's the contest? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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ita (unless you are good at climbing the ladder.) at the end of the day, i'm going to remember my time and travels around the world w my dc more than the highest rung i climbed (and what it took to get there.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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I'm with you. My goal in life isn't to be rich, it's to be a good person and be of some use [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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i put it this way: i have mom friends who really can change the world and help people in their careers (doctors, etc.) i, however, just make things look pretty (graphic design) and add to unnecessary things being printed and produced in huge quantities. and i'm not a superstar at it. however, i think my skills can be put to better use helping my children see the world, and maybe raising them to become people who really will change the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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You're right. Bosses do worry you'll quit. It does make it harder. On the other hand, everyone has to make their own choices. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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yup. signed, i had someone tell me that directly. and i have a harvard mba and am still working. you get painted with that one brush. its very very hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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Fields requiring professional degrees are pretty demanding. Unless one has solid help and a supportive spouse (i.e. he shares the load of household tasks including kids), it's all exhausting. But I have to say, those moms who choose to work probably work harder than they would have before because time is shorter and they feel compelled to perform. The bosses just don't see the lessened downtime, less idle chitchat. Quiet high capacity functioning just isn't very noticeable in the workplace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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It's not all exhausting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:22 AM Flag
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I don't know about you but my husband doesn't do ANY housework, never takes the kids out. In fact, I have to do all the home improvement too as well as car maintenance. He does absolutely NOTHING but work, I have to do everything else. Not having a supportive spouse feels pretty exhausting to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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I worked out an agreement with my dh regarding housework. Since he commutes 2 hrs each way to work in nyc traffic, I do the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I willingly do this. He does things like repairs and car maintenance. If you feel exhausted, you can sit down and work out a better situation- you don't have to play victim if you don't want to [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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well, my dh doesn't have the technical gifts most people have so yes, i end up doing most everything because if we relied upon him it just wouldn't get done. e.g. we bought an a/c for the children's room 2 months ago, he waited until my mom came to visit last week which gave me time to install it while he "helped". oh yeah, he desparately needs a new mobile phone, destroyed 2 of my backup phones, but won't get another phone until i escort him to the store to help him select one. i still backup his computer, he can't though he's scared to death of losing his data. he's technologically handicapped which is a big problem in this day and age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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That's my DH. He has a high profile job and while he does great deal of playing with kids on weekends, he is absolutely useless on weekdays, many days he won't make it home before bedtime. If I had similar job, kids would not see us at all during the week. And I am not even talking about travel... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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amen sister - since kids I have become a machine at work, I get the same amount done in 1/2 the time of many of my colleagues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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i decided to stay home bc--even though i have the pedigree--i realized i'm mediocre at what i do...i just studied completely the wrong thing, maybe even went to the wrong university, mainly bc i wanted to stay 'on-track' and excel with everyone else. that caused 1.5 decades of angst and agonizing over why i was so miserable working. dh recognized this (and i was making home life miserable for him, too). now i am an artist, doing my own thing, producing my own work, out of the corporate world...complete emotional turnaround. corporate / career track is not for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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Yes, I WOHM FT now but if I go to your funeral I'm not going ot say "Wow, what a waste. She could have used her degree and been a senior person at a large conglomerate or an equity trader." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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-- I mean your funeral in MANY MANY MANY years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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you're awesome. thanks for undertanding my side! on the other hand, if i'm at someone's funeral and they were a sr exec or an equity trader, good for them! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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Ok but how do you plan to pay for college, other expenses etc.??? Without my healthcare plan (FT WOHM) we would not have been able to afford DS's surgery, and many other things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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dh is more than glad to take that role. his career choice brings in many times the amt of $$ i could ever make, even if i were in a top position (him, finance. me, creative.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 03:18 PM Flag
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I envy you your decision and your husband's support. I still haven't figured out what I'm good at [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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In the current climate, are men really more "loyal" to employers (ie, less likely to leave for greener pastures?) I doubt it. Workers expect to have mobility in their careers rather than staying w/ one employer. There are both benefits and downsides to this. But I think it perpetuates sexism to say that women who leave to SAH are making things harder for you. What about men who leave? It doesn't make sense to blame women... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:43 AM Flag
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This is an excellent point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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Because it's reality. Men are compared to men and women to women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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NP: I agree with OP's general surprise about the number of moms who walk away from professional careers (don't agree with bosses comment). I have been surprised at the number of my friends who have chosen to give up professional careers and SAH 100% [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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I have a PHD and work full time--never thought I would want to SAH but now i have a delightful 14 month old and feel terrible about not spending more time with him--I have managed to take fridays off so have a full three day weekend with him but it still doesn't feel like enough. I also enjoy my job. I want to know, those who work part time--what do you do? Do you make enough to pay for child care while you work? How do you find these set-ups? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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I work p/t- I'm a museum worker, which does not pay well but is enough to cover p/t daycare & still contribute something to the household. I put in years of unpaid internships & took out loans to get a graduate degree (which I will finish paying off at 65!). But, still, I'm doing what I love and get to have some flexibility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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funny because my degree is in art history! also still paying off loans. Do you work as a docent? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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no, I work as a curator [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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how is that part-time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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I have a part time curatorial job. It's a rarity, that's for sure! And I can become full time whenever I want. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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wow, you are so lucky. Your situation seems ideal to me. I am thinking of having a 2nd dc and simply can't imagine working the way I did when I had my first. I am a university professor and this is the dream job I worked towards for years, but it is so hard to balance all of this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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Yeah, I like it, although I don't make much money, but that isn't my goal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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np: here's another consideration - even if working PT is a break-even proposition (just covers childcare and costs of working) there's still the tenure in your field, the benefits, the retirement savings, the raises and the fact that if when your children are older - even 12-15 years from now you are ready to go back FT, you are in a much better senior position. And childcare costs are big ONLY in the early years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:44 PM Flag
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What shocked me more is that there were women in my MBA who acknowledged that their goal in life was to be a SAHM. Now, I have nothing against SAH, and I know that things don't always work at as planned in life, but why or why spend $100K+ on a education you most likely won't use? Sure, there are people who say that an education is never wasted, but an MBA is really not all that helpful if you plan on doing nothing with it. Read a good personal finance book and call it a day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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You use the education in raising your child- as the mom, you're a teacher. Or maybe you use the professional training when the child is a certain age and you plan to go back into the workforce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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Well, maybe the latter but an MBA, sorry to say, does not help you be a better teacher or mom. Most of these women already have more than enough education (and given that this is a top program, from good schools). It really is just a waste of money. These MBA programs charge top dollar and you give up two year of salary that could be saved (and again, most come into the program from well paying jobs so the opportunity cost is more like $250K+). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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I hate to say this, but are those MBAS using the time to meet a husband with earning potential? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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eww [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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yet oh-so-ickily true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:10 AM Flag
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Yes, getting an MRS degree [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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i spent $100k+ on a JD that i haven't used (yet) and am somewhat regretting it. but kids eventually grow up, and you never know what can happen in life down the road. and it's certainly better to get your degrees while you're young/single. i had ds#1 5 months prior to taking the ny bar, and that was absolutely the hardest time of my life (thus far). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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I have hired JDs who didn't practice right after law school but stayed home with kids and looked for work years later. I find that they are much more responsible at work and much more interested in their job. Just be prepared to start at the bottom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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How many years between law school and looking for work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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I have an MBA from Kellogg and I always knew I would stay home (and probably never return to work full time) once I had kids. In fact, the first time I applied to B-School (w/ only a year under my belt), I got waitlisted at Stanford GSB and the feedback was they were worried about my commitment to a long term career based on some long term goals I talked about in my essays. I ended up getting in to Kellogg and Stanford, started at 24, graduated at 26 and worked for 3+ years until I had my first kid. I cycle back and forth b/t part time contracting and full time SAHM. My DH is a software entrepreneur (former BCG consultant, PhD) and my contacts and my ability to help him when he's raising VC $$ have been super valuable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:49 AM Flag
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I agree. I am one of those JDs and I hate working. I only work because I need the money and I didn't marry a filthy rich man. I would be totally happy being a mom and taking care of a man and my home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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I think that priorities just change when you have kids. I went back full time after DC 1 but the time has not been satisfying. I feel like I am giving up a lot (I spend 1-2 hrs a day with DD, at best) for something that is not very rewarding. Luckily, DH makes more than enough for us to live on. He just doesn't want me to waste my MBA and potential on being a SAHM (no flames please, I was home for a year after DC 1 and I was truly starting to lose myself). Now I am expecting DC 2 but I will not be going back to my job. There's no point in getting another job since I will still be a slave to it if I want to achieve anything I will be satisfied with. We've saved a lot and have decided that the best plan for us once I am ready is to start my own business or work for myself. That way, I can start off slow when the DCs are little and really dedicate myself to it once they are in school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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I agree. There is no way for us to make the working environment more kid-friendly and parent-friendly and equal for women if there's no one left to stay in there and push for changes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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To clarify (OP here) - I think SAHM is harder than WOHM. But with all this experience, degrees etc... don [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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don't you have more power? why quit while ahead? I know there is no simple answer but I am envious of womenw ith more power, money,e ducation than I - I would go to the wall for some of those jobs, slots for MBA etc. - and they shafted it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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You think you would, but in reality you have no clue what you'd do if you were in their shoes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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np: ITA - most people I know in "prestigious" "powerful" jobs are miserable and feel trapped. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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most of my friends are miserable in their high-paying, high-power jobs. they are just stashing away as much money as possible until the the great thing that will be worth leaving job for comes along. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 03:25 PM Flag
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I went to a crappy suny school and barely graduated. I marvel at all these women who went to great schools and then went on for MBA's, JD's, MD, etc. I enjoy working and make quite a bit of money in sales. I never understand how after working so hard to get these degrees, you just give it up. In a million years, I could not have done these degrees, I didn't have the smarts, nor the money to pay for it. I always marvel at how they can give it up. To each her own, but I am still perplexed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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Here's the dirty little secret about advanced degrees, even "fancy" ones -- you don't necessarily have to work very hard to get them and not everyone who has one is especially bright. Don't sell yourself short -- you could do it too. Signed, Ivy undergraduate and Ivy JD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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True, Signed Ivy MBA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:56 AM Flag
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BS- There is no way to lay the blame for attitudes toward and difficulties in the workplace, on the choices of some women, to full-time parent. There are many brilliant women-w/or w/out advanced degrees, whom make this choice. There is an equal , if not greater number of candidates available for consideration. Many of the brilliant women leaving, have done so and nurtured their kids as the well-rounded, hardworking next generation of minds, bodies and spirits whom will join the collective adult workforce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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I have a Ph.D. I had a one-year postdoc after I filed, and then I stayed home with dc for 4 years. I published 2 articles in that time to keep myself current and marketable. I am now back full-time as a professor. I probably didn't have as many opportunities and interviews as I would have had on the job market if I had not had the gap in employment. But I only needed one job, and I got it. After I was hired the department chair told me that he and the other committee members had guessed that the gap in employment was due to having children. I guess what I want to say is that wohm/sahm is not some permanent life choice, and it is perfectly possible to choose one and then the other, if you remain flexible and think about future goals. I was willing to change careers if I had to, because staying home for a few years was what I wanted. Have I reduced my lifetime earning potential? Yes, because I started four years later than I could have. But in academia, it's not such a big difference : ) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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We're all our own people with our own needs and fears. You do what you think is best, and let others do what's best for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 03:23 PM Flag
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I had a miserably hard time going back to work. I went right from maternity leave to 70 hour weeks and was ready to quit on the spot. I'll never judge a woman who makes different choices than I did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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blame the bosses then. not the women who make the choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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I understand why people have trouble understanding this. I have had so many people question why I would be a sahm after a jd. Really, every person has a different personal reason. For me, I worked nearly full time through college to put myself through. I never got to choose the classes I wanted but had to take what was available around my work schedule. The stress was awful, mother died-father an alcoholic. Law school on the other hand was an amazing experience. I loved the classes and had the luxury to study without working to support myself. I chose a public school to lessen my expenses and worked 5 yrs after-long hours and low pay as a prosecutor. LOVED IT. My ds was born and I fully intended to continue working and did so for one year. I would see him for one hour at night and 15 min in the morning. DH and I were very fortunate in the stock market. Work was not about $ but something I loved doing. But I missed my son more. PT was not an option in this office. Been home 10 years now. Will never regret for one minute the blessing to have this choice. The flip side of the above argument is that I made room for one person who perhaps really needed a job. I went to law school (top 20) with full intent to work. Life changes and we adapt based on our personal needs. My dc are both in school now. Life is again changing and time to adapt again. Going back to work... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.19.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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... looking at it from the company's perspective, the purpose of the company is to either generate revenue (corporation) or to provide a service (government). In my line of work (government) 87% of our budget pays for staffing and benefits. When a company spends thousands of dollars to train thier employees, thousands of dollars in benefits, and thousands of dollars to pay thier employees it becomes a serious financial inconvience when said employee can be out of work for 6+ months and then may or may not return to work after that. It has nothing to do with management being heartless or chauvanistic its the financial reality of the situation. You do what you feel is best for you and your family, but you have to understand that on the same token the company has to do whats best for the company. In my current job, 3 of my co-workers are pregnant at the moment and are unable to physically do 90% of our assigned tasks. Now I'm not saying they should think of thier co-workers before they make a family decision like that but it really does make everyone elses job that much harder. No one should be angry when you do whats best for your family, but you have to understand that the company has to do whats financially best for the company also. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 12:04 AM Flag
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I am also in govt, and I have yet to see any serious money spent on training. It is all "on the job" training. In addition, we don't even get paid maternity leave! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 03:13 AM Flag
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why do people resurrect 6-month old threads??? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 03:26 AM Flag
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In my dc's grade at ongoing school, 10% of the mothers have Harvard MBAs (there might be more but I don't know everyone's background). None works outside the home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:27 AM Flag
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If they have these degrees then chances are they are smarter than the average bear. Thus they know that their child's well-being and future mental health has increased chances if they (the smarter, more invested caretaker) will take care of their children. It's an evolutionary decision for the well being of her progeny. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.05.09, 09:42 AM Flag
[ - ] have you been to an RE? If so, what did you go for and what was your experience like. was it successful? I am going to an RE due to a 2nd miscarriage. Have gotten pregnant 3 times, due to low progesterone and not sure what else, i am miscarrying. have 1 successful pregnancy without the help of an RE but had to be on clomid and progesterone. Not sure why it didn't work this time. 2nd D&C - do not want a third. please share your positive experiences. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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I had an awful experience with RE- picked him b/c he was the only one covered by my insurance. I got discouraged & went to Dr. Yan Wu for acupuncture & it was like night and day for me- but that was just my personal experience [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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I did 3 iui's through my regular ob/gyn then switched to an RE. Did the full work-up and found out my FSH was really high. Did one very unsuccessful IVF and switched immediately to adoption. The RE was nice & the experience was okay, all things considered. I was frustrated at the end that they started pushing DE really hard (because I was relatively young) as sort of the only desirable option. I did not try acupuncture but I think it's probably a good idea. I have friends for whom that worked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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NYU IVF is the best. I have a beautiful 6 month old - against all odds. See Dr. Grifo. They have the best lab in the city and that is what matters when it comes to ivf. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Attention UBers: If you can't afford NYC, MOVE OUT. Thank you. 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 07.14.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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You know what, though, sometimes if you are really broke, you can't even afford to move. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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You're lovely [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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You must be an excellent role model for your dcs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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What is so wrong about moving to burbs?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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nothing, it's a preference of urban vs. suburban lifestyle. i think the post about "move out" is snarky and sends a message that nyc should just be for the rich and elite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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also, there is more out there than just urban/suburban- any number of variations [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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in case you haven't figured it out yet -- NY is just for the rich elite and has been so for 15 years. It is disneyland. I grew up here and I've seen it change I hate it now, it is so inauthentic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:20 AM Flag
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This is totally true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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That's such a crock. It's sad you're experience of the city is so limited--as a native, no less. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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NP: listen you transplant, your experience of our city is 5 minutes old. Give a rest or better yet go back to where you came from [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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Its suburban idiots like you who aren't comfortable with anything less than a mall who has made manhattan a poor ghost of its former self [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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ita. i grew up here too and as much as i hate what's happened, i honestly wouldn't know where else to go. plus we have four grandparents to help us out since they're local. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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NP: I also grew up here, and hate what Manhattan has become. Some parts of the outer boroughs are very old NY-like, though. I moved to Brooklyn to the dreaded Park Slope, and although it is also gentrified, I still find it to be like the old NY that I knew and loved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:35 AM Flag
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Ok but don't be that couple I saw walking down Broadway, where she is recounting how she wants it to be and he is repeatedly telling her they can't afford it, end of story. Just move! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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Hey, I did, and am much happier in Brooklyn. You can keep Manhattan and what it's become. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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np: There's nothing wrong with the burbs. There is something wrong with the attitude that teachers, police, social workers shouldn't be able to live in the city where they work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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hear that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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OMG everything. Not a single friend who has moved is genuinely happy [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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that's what we did. but, you know, the city culture is really going to suffer the loss of non-IB families and professionals. it's sad. what makes NYC so great is its richness of diversity, not its monetary richness. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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Right, but why put up with all the crap?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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In a city of 6 million, there are at least a million different reasons for living in Manhattan, Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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I am talking about boro of Manhattan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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NYC is more than Manhattan. Do you live in Manhattan? Do you love it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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Maybe harshly put, and I live in Manhatt. now, but I agree with the sentiment that the city is wonderful, and they should make sure there is a % of affordable housing for people of low incomes/artists, but it's expensive to live here comfortably with a family (as it always has been) and the world is not cheating you if you can't live here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Who is "they"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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Where is this coming from? Are you just sick of all the whining? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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Yes, to an extent I am. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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So you are whining about the whining? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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nah. please, stay. stay and complain all day long. it makes you a hoot to be around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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agree. we couldn't afford what we wanted for our dc (each a room of their own, good school, vacations, etc) so we moved to the burbs. so much happier (tho now i complain about the cost of gas and oil) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:54 AM Flag
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Where'd you go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:55 AM Flag
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fairfield ct. a somewhat longer commute for dh, but i WAH and we save so much on food, schools, etc. love the town, have made some great friends. couldnt be happier [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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How far is the commute to NYC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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when you total up all expenses and factor in the time you or DH commute now how much did you really save? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:12 AM Flag
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^^^you have to weigh the options of what's more important to you, make choices you are comfortable with and do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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it's not just NYC is it? it's about living within your means. lots of people within and outside of NYC are living beyond their means and maxing out their credit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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ur so wise and sanctimonious and condescending. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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I grew up here, went to Spence (since that probably means something to you) and DH is an artist so it is indeed hard for us to live here. Who do people really want to move out--me or you?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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excuse me? How are the burbs any more affordable than living in the city? How long is my commute going to be to find a place for $3000/month in the burbs? Include maintenance of one or two cars, a couple hundred extra for a monthly train ticket, higher property taxes... boom. There is no checp living any where close to NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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Also, it's important not to lose time with your kids on a communte. So if you have to work in the city, then it makes sense to me that someone would want to live there, close to their kids school so they could jet over for a school play or pick them up if they get sick or get their feelings hurt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:20 AM Flag
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The only thing you get by moving out of the city is more space and lost time. There is no way that it makes much sense from a financial point of view only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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ITA and when you do PLEASE don't waste our time being defensive and pretending you didn't leave for financial reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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MEAN!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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TRUE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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OP- I'm sure you're here because they wouldn't let you back in wherever you're from. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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I meant-" Dear" OP-You're clearly not from here and I applaud your town of origin for being well rid of you. Perhaps, one day, we'll be able to have the same luxury. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 12:09 PM Flag
[ - ] I am so frustrated with my 5 year old. He disrespects his father, throws his toys, and has meltdowns. This morning, I told him we're taking away all his toys, except for 2 of his choice. Each morning he can pick 2 more toys and exchange yesterday's toys. His other toys he is not allowed to play with. I don't know if this is helpful, or not but I don't know what to do. I am PMS-ing, which makes it worse. And yesterday, I vowed to not punish my child anymore, but rather try and figure out why he's acting so volatile. Sigh. 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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If he disrespects his father then his father needs to gain his respect by setting boundaries and sticking to them. As for confiscating toys I would take away the 2 he would most like to play with not leave him with these otherwise it's not much of a punishment. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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OMG - you and the OP are complete shaming control freaks, imho. he's FIVE. has he always been this way or is this new behavior? what else is going on in his life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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I am not trying to be this way. This is sort of new behaviour, maybe the last 3 months. It's getting worse. He backtalks continually, throws temper tantrums. He will be 6 in 2 weeks. He always says he has "no toys". If you have suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them. I don't need to be guilt-trippeed, however. I do that enough myself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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point taken. my comments were triggered more by the or than you, however. so sorry. has anything changed in his life in this period? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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no, not really. I know he's jealous of his younger brother, though I don't know why. He feels like he can't get "enough"--can't get enough of his father (who plays with him ALOT, takes him out solo etc) not "enough" toys, not "enough" love. I rub his back every night, play with him, tell him storeis, take him to the park, do everything I can think of to make him feel loved. I don't know what to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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I like the book how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. My oldest is 3.5 so I have not experienced your stage but I have used some of the techniques and surprised how it worked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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np: love that book, haven't got that much experience using it, but makes a lot of sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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123 Magic is what I'm starting with my just turned 6 yo. He is unbearable. I've started reading it and it's great. You give one warning: 1. Then say 2, then if kid does bad behavior again, he gets time out or privilege revoked with NO explanation, no talking, no emotion from you. No lecture, no nothing. Just immediate unemotional consequence for his behavior. In a week, you will not have to get to 3. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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A lot of the point being that your emotional reaction, the attention of your anger, is half the point of the behavior. It's power, in a way for a 5-6 yo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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I don't want to punish my son, or put him in timeouts. I am an Unconditional Parenting mom, which is why my reaction to his misbheaviour this morning was so bad. (on my part) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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WHAT? So he does what he wants with no consequence? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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not exactly. You talk about things, and set standards, but don't punish. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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oh good grief. Kids feel more loved when they have firm boundaries, and obviously op hasn't had any up until now. DS will probably feel more secure when he knows his parents are going to step up to the plate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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np: sing it sister. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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oh, blah. You way is just as good as hers. There is no wrong or right way to parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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obviously if her kid isn't feeling secure and is a complete pita, then her way isn't working so great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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i only adopted UP recently. I had before been your typical time out, punishment and reward oriented parent. Read the book before you go off on it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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I'm not going of on the book, just on op; she doesn't discipline than she goes nuts taking away most of an insecure child's toys? She need to find a way that actually works for her, obviously UP is not really working. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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it's a new development in OP's family. WHo knows what the cause is. Saying that it is because of her way of parenting is quite inappropriate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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it's been 3 months, that's not exactly new, and it's not like she said that he was wonderful before, so we really don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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my son does have firm boundaries, but he's also a human and I talk with him about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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unconditional parenting is not parenting. you reap what you sow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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that's ridiculous. I use Unconditional Parenting techniques too (not the OP) have you even READ the book? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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you are talking out of your backhole [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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I wouldn't ask for advice here wrt Unconditional Parenting. You need advice from people who have the same goals as you and are more experienced. If you want to get back on track with that journey, here's a Yahoo group that might be a good place to start: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnconditionalParenting/ ...Good luck! And respect your son, be honest with him about how you feel when he [does whatever], ask him for suggestions as you look for win-win solutions, apologize for taking his toys away (if you are sorry and committed to finding a non-authoritarian approach) and also look into what triggers him so you can try to head this stuff off (nutrition, sleep, particular situations, etc.) You might be interested in Naomi Aldort's work, as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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thank you so much. I will join that group. I am really trying to respect him, his wishes, his frustrations etc. Thank you for that link. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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FWIW I found 5 to be a tough age. Plus you are PMSing which adds to the frustration. I've totally been there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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totally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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You should not let your kids run wild and then tell them you're taking away all their toys because they misbehave. I think that you need to start with the basics of discipline, not run head long into taking away all of his toys. That's going to make him feel much more insecure. I agree that he desperately needs discipline, but you're going about it very haphazardly, so he's not going to understand at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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reading this with interest, as my 1.5 y/o seems to have a very similar temperment...i know she's young, but still, she has a mean streak. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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you are fine. at that age she just starts her tantrum phase. nothing to worry now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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look at the unconditional parenting yahoo group that was refernced above, I am on it, and it's priceless. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:27 AM Flag
[ - ] Typical Day on UWS: Overheard beautiful couple walking 10-month old baby in Bugaboo, fighting on Broadway and 74th: 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 07.14.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Sorry - [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Her: We need a bigger apartment. Him: We can't afford it! What are you thinking? Her: We are going to have another baby, we need a bigger place. Him: When exactly are we having this other baby? I can't afford it. Her: within 3 years. Him: Sure, right. Her: definitely within 3 years. What do you want to do, rent a 1-bedroom? Let's just buy already... Him: We can't afford it!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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focus on the positive [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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missing the forest for the trees. but, you know, that first year is sooooo hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:38 AM Flag
[ - ] Last try. I feel like an idiot. Trying to get this question right and post correctly. Maybe this time will work! Here is the question. We were in a 2nd tier private. Lovely but so not impressed. Our ds was happy but also happy to look around. Went to an open house at a citywide. He loved it and got in. We have made the switch and not it is summer, I am on UB, and getting nervous that I made a mistake. Not as worried that leaving the school was a mistake....but nervous that I went citywide after reading these posts. Any thoughts? 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 07.14.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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YAY!!!!!!!!!! Great job!!! You did it! Now I hope you get the info you need ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Thanks. I certainly wouldn't get into a TT or G&T! Good thing I am old! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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Hope I'm posting a similar post in a few years ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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We are applauding her because she downgraded her ds's education? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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Why do you consider going public downgrading? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.16.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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Congrats on posting. You have done the right thing for your dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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I expected to be "railed on" for leaving private. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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Not everyone on UB is obsessed with status over sense! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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we are experiencing something similar...hhi, all our friends have dc in private...they think we are seriously doing damage to our dd by choosing to send her to our local neighborhood PS, which isn't even 'the best' in brooklyn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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your decision makes perfect sense to me. i have never understood why someone would choose a 2nd or 3rd tier private if they had a good public as an option. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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Boy, you all made my day. I just want everyone to know that the 2nd and 3rd tier private's can be great for a kid who really needs it BUT not what everyone says they are. I keep reading post's from my school (old school) and they just aren't the truth. I hear about all the great specials etc. and laugh. They have them by name but they are really nothing! Same with languages. My ds took a language since K but learnt nothing (yes, got great grades) but it was just singing songs etc. It is not like these specials teach much...at least at this private. They didn't even have a language lab? Anyway, lovely place, and great for some, I just know that posters are writing a sales pitch....not the truth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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Sounds like the old school was more progressive. FWIW kids do learn by singing and playing, not only through workbooks. But it sounds like the public school is a better fit for your DC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 02:18 PM Flag
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My dd isn't old enough for school yet, but your thinking sounds a-OK to me. I'm glad your son likes the school so well! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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Well he hasnt' started yet! That's why I am so concerned! But thanks for your thoughts. My ds is in middle school. If your child hasn't started school yet be careful reading these posts....helpful BUT can get you worried for nothing. Depending on who's posting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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what grade will your ds be in? Do not let those angry Anti- Anderson moms discourage you. you did the right thing and think of all the $$$ you will be saving! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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Not Anderson.....NEST....do you all feel different now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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I would have chosen NEST over the 2nd tier private DD will be going to in September, so no! Congratulations! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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or: Not really. NEST=m is K-12, so you are set. Congrats again. And don't listen to the jealous Nest bashers either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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I know someone who has two kids at Nest and one in top tier private. He said the reason why they pay for the one kid to be in private is because that kid would not be able to handle accelerated curriculum and needs more teacher attention (due to lower student to teacher ratio in privates. Just think of all the money you are saving not paying that private school tuition. Now maybe you can pay off some bills or start banking it for DCs college which will be coming up before you know it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.15.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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What year did you make the switch? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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sixth [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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Was hoping that it was earlier...am worried about paying six years of private school tuition before being able to move my DC! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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What school was DC in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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Congrats but I would not do anything based on UB posts. Do what you think is right. Don't rely on UB posts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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Thanks. I would rather not say the school as to not be outted. Popular 2nd tier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 11:55 AM Flag
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go with your gut and don't second-guess yourself. you can always do something different for hs if this isn't right either, and if ds is excited, that's half the battle. i'm suprised you liked nest based on the open house, btw. many people were turned off by it. [ Reply | More ]