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07.14.08, 06:44 AM General Topics
32 replies
I am so frustrated with my 5 year old. He disrespects his father, throws his toys, and has meltdowns. This morning, I told him we're taking away all his toys, except for 2 of his choice. Each morning he can pick 2 more toys and exchange yesterday's toys. His other toys he is not allowed to play with. I don't know if this is helpful, or not but I don't know what to do. I am PMS-ing, which makes it worse. And yesterday, I vowed to not punish my child anymore, but rather try and figure out why he's acting so volatile. Sigh. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:44 AM Flag
 

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If he disrespects his father then his father needs to gain his respect by setting boundaries and sticking to them. As for confiscating toys I would take away the 2 he would most like to play with not leave him with these otherwise it's not much of a punishment. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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OMG - you and the OP are complete shaming control freaks, imho. he's FIVE. has he always been this way or is this new behavior? what else is going on in his life? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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I am not trying to be this way. This is sort of new behaviour, maybe the last 3 months. It's getting worse. He backtalks continually, throws temper tantrums. He will be 6 in 2 weeks. He always says he has "no toys". If you have suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them. I don't need to be guilt-trippeed, however. I do that enough myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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point taken. my comments were triggered more by the or than you, however. so sorry. has anything changed in his life in this period? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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no, not really. I know he's jealous of his younger brother, though I don't know why. He feels like he can't get "enough"--can't get enough of his father (who plays with him ALOT, takes him out solo etc) not "enough" toys, not "enough" love. I rub his back every night, play with him, tell him storeis, take him to the park, do everything I can think of to make him feel loved. I don't know what to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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I like the book how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. My oldest is 3.5 so I have not experienced your stage but I have used some of the techniques and surprised how it worked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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np: love that book, haven't got that much experience using it, but makes a lot of sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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123 Magic is what I'm starting with my just turned 6 yo. He is unbearable. I've started reading it and it's great. You give one warning: 1. Then say 2, then if kid does bad behavior again, he gets time out or privilege revoked with NO explanation, no talking, no emotion from you. No lecture, no nothing. Just immediate unemotional consequence for his behavior. In a week, you will not have to get to 3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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A lot of the point being that your emotional reaction, the attention of your anger, is half the point of the behavior. It's power, in a way for a 5-6 yo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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I don't want to punish my son, or put him in timeouts. I am an Unconditional Parenting mom, which is why my reaction to his misbheaviour this morning was so bad. (on my part) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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WHAT? So he does what he wants with no consequence? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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not exactly. You talk about things, and set standards, but don't punish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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oh good grief. Kids feel more loved when they have firm boundaries, and obviously op hasn't had any up until now. DS will probably feel more secure when he knows his parents are going to step up to the plate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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np: sing it sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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oh, blah. You way is just as good as hers. There is no wrong or right way to parent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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obviously if her kid isn't feeling secure and is a complete pita, then her way isn't working so great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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i only adopted UP recently. I had before been your typical time out, punishment and reward oriented parent. Read the book before you go off on it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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I'm not going of on the book, just on op; she doesn't discipline than she goes nuts taking away most of an insecure child's toys? She need to find a way that actually works for her, obviously UP is not really working. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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it's a new development in OP's family. WHo knows what the cause is. Saying that it is because of her way of parenting is quite inappropriate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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it's been 3 months, that's not exactly new, and it's not like she said that he was wonderful before, so we really don't know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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my son does have firm boundaries, but he's also a human and I talk with him about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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unconditional parenting is not parenting. you reap what you sow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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that's ridiculous. I use Unconditional Parenting techniques too (not the OP) have you even READ the book? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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you are talking out of your backhole [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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I wouldn't ask for advice here wrt Unconditional Parenting. You need advice from people who have the same goals as you and are more experienced. If you want to get back on track with that journey, here's a Yahoo group that might be a good place to start: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnconditionalParenting/ ...Good luck! And respect your son, be honest with him about how you feel when he [does whatever], ask him for suggestions as you look for win-win solutions, apologize for taking his toys away (if you are sorry and committed to finding a non-authoritarian approach) and also look into what triggers him so you can try to head this stuff off (nutrition, sleep, particular situations, etc.) You might be interested in Naomi Aldort's work, as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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thank you so much. I will join that group. I am really trying to respect him, his wishes, his frustrations etc. Thank you for that link. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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FWIW I found 5 to be a tough age. Plus you are PMSing which adds to the frustration. I've totally been there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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totally. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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You should not let your kids run wild and then tell them you're taking away all their toys because they misbehave. I think that you need to start with the basics of discipline, not run head long into taking away all of his toys. That's going to make him feel much more insecure. I agree that he desperately needs discipline, but you're going about it very haphazardly, so he's not going to understand at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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reading this with interest, as my 1.5 y/o seems to have a very similar temperment...i know she's young, but still, she has a mean streak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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you are fine. at that age she just starts her tantrum phase. nothing to worry now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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look at the unconditional parenting yahoo group that was refernced above, I am on it, and it's priceless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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