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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Oh, 3 yo DS... Please stop whining about every little thing. I am not enjoying you these months. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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my 22 mold has just started this. He has a limited vocabulary so right now it is a lot of whining, with us left to figure out what he wants. Driving us a bit crazy so I hear you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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Is there a trick anyone has found to curb this? I try saying when you ask without whining and that lasts abouta minute. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:54 AM Flag
[ - ] Getting a bike for my b-day. Budget around $400. Any recommendations? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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I just got a Fuji hybrid (Absolute 3.0) for $450. There are less-expensive Fujis (there's a sturdy, very comfortable hybrid for about 300) that are also very nice (especially for city riding), but I went up in price so I could get a lighter bike, since getting a bike in and out of my building is difficult. People like Trek bikes as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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at that price point I'd say first decide if you want a road bike or a mountain bike. (I am not a fan of hybrids. They have the disadvantages of both "breeds" but the advantages of neither.) Once you know what kind of riding you are going to do, find a nice local bike shop. Some will give you free tune-ups for a year -- or for the life of the bike -- it is worth it to them because they want you in the store to buy stuff. I find that the highest end bike shops are often not the best for casual gear. Last year's models can often be had at a steep discount, you should consider that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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I posted above. I really should have bought a used bike or an old model, so I agree. I also agree with the local shop advice. My "hybrid" is really more of a road bike with mountain bike handle bars and just slightly wider wheels, which I like for city riding, especially with ds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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they often call those flat bar road bikes. The problem is most of the entry level bikes are built more on road frame than a touring frame. For all around city riding (at least in NYC) if you are not looking for speed -- I'd look for a cyclocross bike. If the idea of drop bars gives you the shakes, go Mtn with road tires. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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I remember that next time. No, I didn't have a problem with a drop bar; I always had a road bike before this, but I need to be prepared to jump off the bike quickly if ds gets into trouble on his bike, and this just seemed better for that. And when I get to ride alone, I do like the speed! Thanks for the advice. My purchase was too spur of the moment (and it's a lot of money for us), so I should have spent more time.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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My current frame was like that. It was a "bargain" $2,000 frame for $575 -- but it is too small and on centuries I really suffer for it. The cyclocross would have a better standover too. (Like a mtb.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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interesting. The guy at the bike shop insisted that I should have a 15", and I think it's too small. He did order me an extension for the handlebar so that I don't feel as if I'm sitting on a unicycle. My friends do 100+ mile bike rides, but I rarely do more than 20. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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There are lots of ways to make a bike fit but you can only do so much. They say the pros ride frames smaller than a bike shop would say they need but that is because they want a stiffer bike. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:19 AM Flag
[ - ] was your child's transiton from pre-school to K tough 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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surprisingly easy. He had six kids in preschool class and 24 in K, and he seemed to have no adjustment problems at all. Loved it from the first day. We did do one week of "kindercamp" at the school a few weeks before school started, which may have helped. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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lol my first day of kindergarten...my mom stayed the whole day. The second day of kindergarten was awful, I cried all day until they finally had to call my mom and have her spend time with me. At least I wasn't the little girl who was in my class who stayed in a refrigerator box in the classroom the whole week [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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DS did pretty well. Transitions are not his strongest thing, but he got a truly wonderful teacher and a nice bunch of kids, and that made a big difference. Also his teacher met w/ him in the classroom before the week before school started so he knew better what to expect. And she definitely ended up "getting" him a lot better than his preschool teachers did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 09:19 PM Flag
[ - ] confession - i don't enjoy playing with my 3.5 yo ds. he's great at playing with his toys by himself. enjoy going on outing but do not like playing with him. anyone else 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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This is me w/dd. She wants to play ponies & princess ALL DAY long and I just want to hide. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:46 AM Flag
[ - ] I made a decision not to take a friendship into affair territority. Now he (friend) has stopped talking to me, and I feel sad. I know I made the right choice but I am feeling sort of rejected and depressed about it. Help. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Preschool/Kids 07.22.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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Well now you know what he was really after in the first place. Good riddance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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give it time. you will replace him with other more appropriate friends and never regret having passed up the affair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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I hope so. The fact is, we both are married with young children. He could see me when traveling on business, and that seemed like a raw deal - to me, to our kids, to our spouses - I guess at the heart of it this is just not who I am. I have problems in my marriage, for sure, but I love my DH. Maybe it will never be passionate sparks like with proposed affair guy, but, it is reliable and he is a very loving father to our DC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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passionate sparks fade. Your dh sounds like a good man. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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He is. A great man. It hit me when we went on a family vacation ... I think I miss getting more attention from him, but would not have it any other way (i.e., priority is attention to our DC). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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And they esp. fade if the person you are sparking with turns out to be a huge jerk! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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good choice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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good for you, says something about your friendship. like any breakup it takes time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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why did he think it was going there to begin with? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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We both admitted being very attracted to each other. The difference was I had no intention of acting on it. He wanted to act on it and I twice had to tell him that could not be. I said maybe if we had met in different circumstances, but now would not be the time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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And I just get angrier and angrier about it - at him and at me - can't stand being led on, then dumped, etc. - so when it came time to "act" I was just too annoyed as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:37 AM Flag
[ - ] any accountant moms on? i have a bs in math and experience on wall street. it's crazy but i've always wanted to be an accountant. can i just study for the CPA or do i have to do schooling...w/2 dc will be hard. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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honestly, accounting has nothing to do with liking math. i thought that and studied accounting only to find out that I HATED it. not sure what is required to take the cpa, but i doubt you can pull it off without the classes and/or work experience in accounting. friend just got her masters in accounting (which i told her was a mistake) and she works for a big firm and is miserable. the hours suck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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^^btw I did work for a big six (at the time 6) company for a year and it sucked! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:34 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone had a similar experience? After 3 years of easy separations at preschool, my 5 yo had a meltdown when I tried to drop her at summer "camp" - an easy 4-hour play session, similar to her preschool but at a different facility. I made a mistake and tried to be firm byb leaving the room, and it backfired big time. Very embarrassing and now she insists either her dad or I stay in the room. What to do? I'm worried that kindergarten will be a tough adjustment. She's been clingy in the past but not when it's a fun activity. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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Yes. DD did that at a ballet class out of nowhere. Then it was like it was tainted. She never did well with that particular ballet school but has since done another and loved it. She has never had other separation issues including preschool. It seems like if they don't get a good start it sticks. I would talk to her about it the night before and get her psyched for it. Maybe promise something for afterwards. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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Thx. I'm promising some books that she really wants (already acquired by DH) and today she was better (let me wait outside the door), but it's slow going. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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Good luck. Sounds like it will work out over time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
[ - ] how old was dc when they started pre school? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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2.4yo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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2.9 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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2.3 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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2.9 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:29 AM Flag
[ - ] Do we know if this year will be tougher in terms of applying to pre-schools in NYC. More kids this year than ever? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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Can't be worse than last year, seriously. With economic downturn, many families that might have tried last year won't try at all this year. Last year was guinea pig year for DOE's change of G&T - it'll be more organized this year (hopefully, they can't do it worse than last year)... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:32 PM Flag
[ - ] Middle name suggestions for Elizabeth? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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eve, eden [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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Jane [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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Mary [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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anne, claire, joy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:37 AM Flag
[ - ] the theripist has the hots for my dh post is driving me nuts 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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Me too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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yeah, i think she needs to see someone about that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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haha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:26 AM Flag
[ - ] DS seems to be acting out unappropriately in camp lately. Hasn't really acted like this before. Seems to be a difficult kid in the group that he finds frustrating. I've already talked to the teacher, talked to him, taken away prividges, etc. Don't know what else to do to get it to stop? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.22.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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how old? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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5 and a half [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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Anything going on at home? Move? New baby? More fighting? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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No, nothing really. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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maybe stop blaming the other kid in your mind. there are kids who will be difficult from time to time or much of the time everywhere. right now, yours is one of them. maybe just take a hard line about hitting or aggression, but otherwise back off. camp should be fun, not the source of punishment and tension. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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He's not usually all that difficult at least not with other kids and teachers. He complains a lot about a particular child at camp and doesn't want to go now. Usually loves school and loved camp last year. So, somethings up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:07 PM Flag
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ah yes. it is someone else's fault. your dds is usually an angel. now he has been corrupted by the bad kid. funny thing is, he's the one getting in trouble. maybe you need to get out of denial. like I said, sometimes it will be someone else's kid, and sometimes yours. the sooner you realize it the better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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I agree. I have an occasionally difficult kid, who seems to do well in school and camp, but less so on playdates. sometimes another mom will blame her kid's bad behavior in class on my dc. But I know he is well behaved in school by all reports. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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I agree that she shouldn't blame the other kid for her son's behavior however maybe something happened between the two kids and now her son is acting out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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she said her son was frustrted by the other kid. maybe his frustration tolerance is lower because he is in a new environment. a bit different than the other kid did something to cause him to act out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:24 PM Flag
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op:ds complains that the other child spits, kicks, calls him names, takes toys and the usual garden variety of behaviors. It's been awhile since he's dealt with a child like this. He doesn't seem to know how to deal with it. And yes, the teacher has mentioned that this particular child is frustrating children in camp. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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and what is your dc doing?? sounds like he is doing things to get in trouble as well. also, the way you posted this made it sound like you were asking about how to help your dc. now you sound like you are blaming another, and saying your kid's behavior is only related to the other kid. I really finbd this annoying. if there is a problem between the 2 kids, the teachers/.counselors should sit them down and work it out. far more productive than blaming, saying your kid never did it before etc. he is doing it, maybe having a bad time with another kid. the focus should be on helping them get along if they are not. the blame is useless. he is not in preschool anymore, and has to be helped to learn to deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:04 PM Flag
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I would like to know what to do to help my child deal with this. It's not just my ds and the other child. It's between the other child and many kids. But, I haven't heard what I could do so my ds doesn't act out when confronted with this situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:09 PM Flag
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tell him to ignore the other kid. tell him to tell the counselor if the kid spits at him or whatever. tell the counselor to sit them both down. you still haven't said what your ds is doing. perhaps the other kid is acting out in response to him. obviously if they are the only two getting in trouble there is a problem that ivolves them both. I would have the counselors sit them down and try to work on making them get along. play a game together, or whatever. this happened at our school. one dc said something mean, but it turns out the other kid wouldn't give him any space. the teacher handled it brilliantly by putting them together and setting the ground rules. they became great friends. this is camp, so no long term possibility, but they should be made to deal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:48 PM Flag
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NP: Good advice. It is true that it is unclear whether its just a bad dynamic. Perhaps, working on the dynamic will help Op's dc calm down and behave better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:57 PM Flag
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They aren't the only two getting in trouble! I think it is effecting several kids. I think bad behavior can be infectous. I am trying to drill him to move away from the child, tell the teacher, don't respond or lash out, taking away prividges at home when he does. It's a very difficult situation, I don't want my child to misbehave, but also don't want him to get use to it either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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np: get used to what? if its such a problem, affecting so many, whay aren't the counselors dealing with it? If your dc and this other boy are harming other kids, why is the camp tolerating it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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geeze! The other child isn't necessarily harming just very frustrating for some of the other children to be around. Camp is suppose to be fun, the question is how to teach my dc how to deal with kids like this? I don't want my dc to act out, I certainly don't want him to join in, but I don't want him to tolerate it either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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loosen up. its camp, and will be over soon enough. it sounds like you are more upset about it than anyone. if the camp is laid back about it, it probably isn't serious. these are 5 yo boys who are thrown in together and have a negative reaction to each other. hardly a tragedy. your kid won't even remeber this is a few months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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And what do you do when it's your kid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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is he going to camp because he has to go for daycare? if not, just take him out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:09 PM Flag
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Yes, I work part time. But thanks, I have thought about keeping him home a few times to mix things up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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Just try to be as consistent about discipline every single time. Other than that, what can you do except love him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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Does your name start with an E? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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no, but I wouldn't tell you if it did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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dc=M? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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op: no. Sounds like this happens a lot? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:13 PM Flag
[ - ] any tips or suggestions for buying big boy bed? Do I need pillow top? Soft, firm, mattress and boxspring. Have no idea what I am looking for but know my ds is just about too big for his crib. Any advice would be welcomed. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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I found our ds would not sleep in his big bed as the mattress was too hard. We put on a padded mattress saver which solved the prob. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 AM Flag
[ - ] My 4 yo ds has stopped wanting to go to school/camp and I think I finally figured out why. According to a teacher, a boy in ds's class told my ds that he is not his friend. That apparently bothered my sensitive ds so much that he has decided to withdraw from all socializing, whether with kids who clearly want to be his friend or this kid who doesn't. I realize my ds is more sensitive than the average kid. What's the best way to deal with this situation? And how can I toughen up my kid a bit so he isn't so bothered by random meanness which he will encounter throughout his school career? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.22.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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I think there is no easy answer for this. My DC is like this. It has gotten better as DC is older but is an ongoing issue. I found having seperate playdates with nice kids helped for form a stronger bond. I think being supportive while not acting like it is the worse thing helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:15 PM Flag
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You can't do anything - your ds is who he is. You let him figure it out. I know you don't want to hear it, and people will flame, but thems the breaks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Need some advice please. I have a 2.5 year old who is amazing and so much fun. For some reason though when we go out to, lets say a bday party, he becomes super clingy and doesnt want to participate. If I walk away (just to throw something out) he starts screaming and makes a whole scene. It makes me sad to see that he doesnt want have fun. Hopefully this is just a stage?? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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one of many to come. Don't worry about it. Normal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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ita. how socialized is he, btw. is he in camp or a 2's program? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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I'm the mom of the 5-yo above; this has happened at bday parties occasionally; I find it helps to arrive early, but it persists, it might be better to accommodate and not make a big deal about it. I'm familiar with the embarrassing scene, but for me, being firm didn't work at all. Now I act far more casual and it seems to be helping a little...but you can see I'm still seeking advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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OP: thanks...I know its normal, but I guess I needed to hear it from other people. thanks! And hoepfully it passes soon! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:51 AM Flag
[ - ] Help! I was given a promotion that was supposed to have a 3 month training period at our main office (1.5 hour drive from home, not near a decent hospital), then told boss I was pg shoirtly after I accepted the promotion. That was in March, he is still unconvinced I am "trained." The more I try to work from my local office, the more he thinks I am "resisting supervision" and that I "lack humility." I probably do have a bad attitude, I think his remarks are often sexist and he is very condescending. If I try to show competency to stop the commute madness, he takes it as demanding unearned respect. I wouldn't have taken the promotion if I had known this. I am now 6 mo pg, and one of our remote offices I have to drive to most doesn't even have a hospital, its about an hour to Portland, but I live on the coast, so if there were problems or I went into labor, I'd make it to Portland probably but DH would be 2 hours away!! WTF do I do!!!!! I have no $ for all this gas cost either. 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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what a jerk. what do you do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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Document everything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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OP: nonprofit housing development, grant writing, community organizing. I have a masters is in Public Admin, really need to find a new job, but few prospects on the coast and we own a house that would be stupid to sell right now. Also, thought of interviewing pg scares me- seems like it would be a disaster. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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don't show a bad attitude any more. be nice as pie and start making note of everything he does. you may have a pregnancy discrimination claim. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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how would i pursue that and wouldn't it make me unable to get a future job? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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Maybe I will end up a better person and learn how to act humble. But how do you demonstrate competency and humility at once? If I lack either, its back to the road for me. I did undergrad in psychology, why is this so hard for me? I'm going to be a horrible parent! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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Take a deep breath or two after everything he says to you. "OK. Thank you for letting me know. I really appreciate your comments." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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Its gotten worse. He sent me a nasty email at 5:30pm very nasty about how I had sent the environmental review for the grant we are working on directly to the state rep, saying I should have gone through the guy thats "supervising" me (although technically we are coworkers on the same level). But at the meeting I had with the "supervisor" and the state guy they detrmined I was supposed to send it to him via email. Boss says it was ride and unproffessional for me to send it via email, and its the reason our funds are delayed. This guy is crazy. Meeting Friday. Guaranteed I will cry, hormones not helping [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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sorry, "rude" and unprofessional [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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Aie, sounds like he is really upsetting you & that is not good for the baby. Are you going to take a maternity leave? Can you not just sail through the next 3 months breathing deeply & saying soooo soon this will be over. Honestly, don't worry about being right near a hospital, the chances of your needing to go to an emergency room in the next couple of months are the lowest at any point in the pregnancy. At this point you just need to cook the baby a little longer but he/she is basically developed & if you haven't had any complications by now you prob won't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:22 AM Flag
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OP again: Oh, and we don't have an HR dept! Boss is deputy dir, and the executive dir is kind of in his own world, I'd have to go to the exec. dir. who is in this guys pocket or to the board of directors, one of whom is a state senator! My dr said she could write me a note to avoid a commute if needed, but I thought that issue was winding down, so told her not needed. At what point should I get the note? No health problems yet (just stress, lol). Does he have to honor the dr note by law? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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I posted above to relax about hospitalization but if the doctor is willing to say commute is dangerous & it will get you out of this miserable situation I would go for it in a heartbeat. Present it as a fait acommplie - say "so sorry, I had hoped it wouldn't come to this but my doctor says this commute is not medically feasible" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:24 AM Flag
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OP: Boss will be so angry though if I give the dr. note, so what legally can he do/ what are my protections? I just want to make it through with the most $ (which means the least commuting) because we are so out of $ right now and owed taxes last year (we are in debt), maternity leave not paid (we will soon be more in debt), and then I will try to have a new job lined up for after leave [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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well, it sounds like he is already pissed at you so what diff does it make? Especially since you are not planning to go back to work for him. But put a call into the legal aid society & find out your rights. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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...and of course the situation gets really crazy once my due date approaches. Going into labor far away in a little town only accessible by crap mountain roads that was flooded recently not in the proverbial birthing plan! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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Again, relax - that is not for 3 months. Don't stress over it now, you are making yourself crazy for no reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:09 AM Flag
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OK, thanks everyone. I'll be nice as pie, do whatever he wants even if he's a jerk, take notes and call legal aid. Then I'll get a doctors note and give it to him as nice and convincingly fait acommpli as I can muster. Then I'll get a better job hopefully on time so I don't have to work for him after maternity leave. And maybe I'll get some $ from a lawsuit, but lets not count on that. And its true, he obviously hates me, so I guess no need to not do reasonable requests that will make him hate me more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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did you do the three months of training? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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OP: boss said I would be trained for 2-3 months, then wouldn't have to commute because I'd be trained (figured I'd not worry about the gas because it was temporary). There is no official training, just hanging around wasting time sitting in on some meetings here and there with no assignments. New position offered March 14th, so its been 4 months. No benchmarks to show I'm "trained" exist. Haven't really learned anything new in this time. I did some moonlighting without bosses knowledge before the promotion, so some of the stuff I've already done for other ppl with success, but my boss is unconvinced I am competent and is micromanaging and not giving me projects (but then why did he promote me?). He gave me some "ways he would measure how the training was going" but it had stuff like "I will need to be sure that you understand the importance of adverse events. We are entrepreneurial...I cannot give you increased authority until I see buy-in from you on this essential point" and "being too assertive is very destructive" but there is nothing about what I should learn, more be humble and meek and say nothing. And how do you show you have buy-in to an idea if you have already said you agreed and he doesn't seem to believe you agree? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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... "ways he would measure the training" but it was stuff like "being too assertive is very destructive, show more humility and willingness to learn" and "I will also need to be sure that you understand the importance of adverse events. We are entrepreneurial...I cannot give you increased authority until I see buy-in from you on this essential point." But I already said I agree with him on this point (repeatedly, every time it comes up) so I don't know what else he wants from me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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Listen to him reflexively. Everything he says, translate it back to him for confirmation. When you do that, do it in concrete and measurable words/sentences. Then email him your follow up or at least make notes of same. Then you can document, for him and for yourself, how well you are meeting the goals HE laid out for you. (That is what I would do.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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it will be a 3 month mind game! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 03:00 PM Flag
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With that attitude, yeah. Or you could try and learn something over those three months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 03:10 PM Flag
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That would seem true to a point, but boss wants me to "learn" to agree with him on a certain shady land deal that I think is immoral (he claims I only know the old way of accounting, and this is a new, perfectly valid way, although I am too young to know any "old" ways!)... it involves labeling funds dishonestly to make the deal work in the organizations favor and against a certain small city and the people that city is trying to help (that may be too much, but I'm the youngest person involved and certainly the only female, so really doubt anyone is on UB!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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I think "understand risk" is code for "agree to pad the deal without labeling the funds as a contingency so they don't notice" and "listen and be humble" is code for "don't make waves and show the other ppl that the deal is wacky." I think I'll call in sick the day of the mtg to avoid putting my name on it and to avoid having to disagree with boss. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:56 AM Flag
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Why has no one mentioned the genders? Seems like a lot of dh are more likely to act like this to a son than a DD. Is he trying to teach ds not to cry? This would be a different issue altogether. My dh I have only seen cry once (in 5 years), which I think is weird and I'm kind of glad we are having a DD because I would worry he'd try to teach a ds to be too unemotional. On the other hand, I wish I could control my emotions better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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oops, wrong post [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:22 AM Flag
[ - ] Where do democrats retire in FL? Trying to figure out where to settle. Would love walkable community with sense of history nr beach. Still have a few yrs, but would like to start exploring. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.22.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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why does it matter what political views you have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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I agree. DH's don't understand how draining it can be [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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oops wrong post. sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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b/c OP wants to be near people like her. makes sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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What impact does it have on your life to be surrounded by Republicans? Political views are things to talk and discuss and not really manifested in the physical world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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Huh? People like to be around people who share like views & experiences, be it political leanings, religion, or economic status. While I am an architect, I think that is more important in finding a community than what it is like physically. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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I guess I would never make my political affiliation a life style that is obvious to everybody around me. I wouldn't give a toot if somebody is Democrat or Republican. There are more important things that I care about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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I don't think pol'l affiliation needs to be obvious to be important. I abhor talking everyday politics myself, but I do strongly believe in certain issues: pro-Choice, against Iraq war, promotion of public transportation, nationalized healthcare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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Do you really discuss this with neighbors? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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No, it is a given. Don't need to discuss. That is the whole point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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Actually, I do discuss this with neighbors, because my neighbors are well-educated leaders in their fields & the community. What do you discuss with your neighbors? Hey, when you retire your neighbors become a lot more important. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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Hah, I have lived in Texas & believe me, it matters. i will never again live anywhere people just matter-of-factly believe of course the gov is right when they sentence someone to the death penalty (bec mistakes are never made), that no-one in any situation should be allowed an abortion and everyplace, even a church is suitable to carry a concealed (loaded) semi-automatic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:43 PM Flag
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But that has nothing really to do with being a Republican. Those are values that many (not all) Reps have nowadays but it doesn't really have anything to do with the original ideals of the Republican party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:19 PM Flag
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Is this a joke? If not, most NY Democrat Jews are now settling in Boynton Beach/Delray/West Palmish areas. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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OP: I know. I should have said not there. Looking for something more low key & less sprawl. I am not Jewish, but that isn't really any issue. I am from New England, don't golf, but sail & swim a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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sarasota [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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sarasota is nice and has good history. i also think naples (west coast) may be a good choice or the Vero Beach/Cocoa Beach/Melbourne (east coast) area. my parents used to live there (latter) and it was beautiful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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thx. I think Sarasota could be good & I will check out the others, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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