• Filter the conversation
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] My father passed away last year from cancer. My mother has been struggling with living alone especially during this pandemic. I was hoping she would speak to a therapist but she refuses. I don’t know what to do. She brings up my father every conversation which I am fine with but I worry when she does this with strangers. She went to get her brakes fixed the other day and the mechanic called DH to tell him what he was going to do to the car and he mentioned that my mother broker down crying. She does this often enough to family, friends, or strangers. I don’t know what I am looking for other than input. Thank you in advance. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
Does she live alone? Look for 55 and older community that has events and place to eat for social stuff [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:23 PM Flag
»
Yes she lives alone but she lives part time here and part time in Europe [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
She won’t want to move. She says that if anything she willlive in Europe 100% of the time because we are too busy with our life at the moment (school, work, activities) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
It's just hard for her - I'm sorry [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:31 PM Flag
»
Thank you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:33 PM Flag
»
I mean, she's grieving. It can take a while to process. I wouldn't say she's being "normal" but it's also not abnormal. You never know what could trigger grief like that. She obviously misses your father a ton. I would get her "A Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion and also some other books about loss of spouse. If she won't talk to a therapist, maybe she will read them. Keep encouraging her to do therapy and maybe call it "counseling" or something easier for her to accept- people from that generation have a tough time with therapy as they were thought to internalize their feelings and be stoic. Best of luck to you and her!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:45 PM Flag
»
Thank you so much for your advice and the book title. I have posted about my situation before. She lost her sister a year and a half ago to cancer. She lost her father, my grandfather 2 1/2 years ago of natural causes and my father a year ago to cancer. It has been a lot of loss for our family. I do feel like she expects us to fill the void in her life but it’s not possible. Quite often I feel like she makes me feel bad for living my life. Both my husband and I work full-time. The children go to school full-time and both are in sports and other activities. The second half of this year was different circumstances. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:57 PM Flag
»
imagine being in her shoes. You lose your DH, and your kids and grandkids too busy for you. I imagine that dealing with the mechanic is something that your own dad would have done, so she must have felt very alone taking care of that herself. The fact that you learned of this from the mechanic, and not her signals that she has no support network. You need to treat your mother the way you'd want your kids to treat you, if you were alone later in life. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:25 PM Flag
»
Op- we treat her well. My husband always helps her with things my father would typically do. She did not handle the mechanic by herself other than driving the car to the mechanic. DH referred her to this mechanic. He made the calls and he truly helps her with everything she needs that my father would have done. If you read my original post you then read she cries to family, friends, AND strangers. She needs help. DH and I work. The kids are in school. I have no control over the pandemic. We can’t do more than what we do and I can’t wave my wand and make this virus go away. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:39 PM Flag
»
How old is she? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:08 PM Flag
»
Only 62 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:17 PM Flag
»
I'm sorry to hear about your father. Your mother is grieving. My husband passed away from cancer too and whenever I need to do the things he would normally handle, it would trigger memories of him. It's not a bad thing because this is part of grief. Support from family and friends really help me. It's been three years and grief does not go away. The worst was when my bathroom apartment had a leak in the ceiling and then caved in. I knew if I husband were here that he would have handled it. I had to call on close church male members to help. After the call I would break down. I also had a car and gave it to a church member. Now I rely on uber which has taken a lot of stress away. I outsource a lot of things (handyman, putting things together etc). Keeping myself busy also helps. I hope your mom finds something to occupy her time and outsource things where she can. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:18 PM Flag
»
Op- My husband helps a lot as does my brother. When it comes to anything my father would typically help with my husband helps and my brother does as well. My brother is not married and is not much of a handyman so he helps with other things. Ironically when my mother’s family or friends became widowed she was able to give advice but does not take ours. She would tell me to tell my widowed mother in law to join church, take up a hobby etc. I reminded her of this and instead I get snapped at so I dropped that conversation. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Looking to buy a home cappuccino/espresso machine to make fancy coffee at home. Any recommendations/ Would like to keep under 1K. Thank you 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:02 PM Flag
»
Nespresso!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:15 PM Flag
»
This! Love my Latissima one [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
So wasteful and expensive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:25 PM Flag
»
Different strokes for different folks. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:27 PM Flag
»
Same landfills though. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:49 PM Flag
»
I actually recycle my pods so.... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:56 PM Flag
»
Sure you do. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:17 PM Flag
»
Planet killer mom? Is that you? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:27 PM Flag
»
Not her, but you are right, I have been on an eco mission lately. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:21 PM Flag
»
NYC allows you to put nespresso pods in the regular metal recycling. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:42 PM Flag
»
I do! It's super easy. They actually give you a free recycling bag when you order the pods online, and shipping is pre-paid. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:08 AM Flag
»
I admit I used to like the old school Nespresso machines (but DISLIKE the newer models that use the larger cartridges). But I have been rethinking about being wasteful. It's just a massive amount of garbage, and the energy required to delivering your cup of coffee is a terrible waste of resources even if you recycle the pods. So wasteful, so useless, I view them as a modern convenience for people who can't think properly. Now I have grown to hate them. Get a Breville instead. Nobody recycles the pods and they are a landfill disaster. You shouldn't have to fill up a waste facility in order to enjoy a cup of coffee. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:24 PM Flag
»
OP: I agree, I think those pods are wasteful. I am looking at something more involved than just pressing the button, like Breville [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:29 PM Flag
»
I have both--dh uses nespresso and I use regular espresso machine. Both are good. And we recycle EVERY nespresso pod. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:43 PM Flag
»
Also, got the nespresso off neighborhood list for $30. They still make the original size, you don't have to get the big pods. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:44 PM Flag
»
I got my Nespresso in October and it's the original size. They're definitely still available [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:09 AM Flag
»
I have a Breville Barista and really like it. My previous one had an automatic grinder which was a huge convenience, but led to espresso overdosing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:17 PM Flag
»
OP: yes, I am looking at that one. Does it make cappuccino and latte too? Are you happy with it? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:52 PM Flag
»
Yes, I occasionally make cappuccinos, but not quite often. they come out just as good as the coffee shop or the previous machine (it's been so long I don't remember the brand, but it cost about $1,300 15 years ago). Overall very happy with it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:14 PM Flag
»
We have a ninja coffee maker. Well we’ll under 1k and we love it. Check amazon [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:19 PM Flag
»
I just bought a Delonghi Dedica and like it. I looked at the Breville Barista but it takes up so much counter space. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:50 PM Flag
»
This is why we are going down in flames. $1000 budget for a home espresso machine is nuts. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:22 PM Flag
»
Ha, I thought the same looking at all these people wearing $1,000 Canada Goose coats. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:28 PM Flag
[ - ] What is it about old people and lines? I brought my car in to be fixed and happened to see an older lady I know in line in front of me. We chatted for a moment and then the mechanic came to talk with her. She's been going on for 15 minutes about this and that, oh I have another problem I didn't mention, and my husband's car is doing this other thing, and hold on, let me write that down, but wait, tell me again whats wrong, and should I buy a new car, how much would that be, and so on. She knows I'm standing here but couldn't care less. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:01 PM Flag
»
She's lonely. She just wants to talk to someone. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:03 PM Flag
»
Too bad. Move along. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:05 PM Flag
»
That’s my mom. She was introduced me to someone in a long bathroom line after I’d stepped away for a few minutes. I thought they were old friends from work or something based on how well she seemed to know her. Nope, just a poor rando who’d been standing near my mom for 10 minutes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:07 PM Flag
»
*once introduced. Not was. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:07 PM Flag
»
awwww [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:31 PM Flag
»
Don’t paint us “older” people with such a broad brush!! This woman has probably always been chatty and as a result, somewhat inconsiderate. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:11 PM Flag
»
Older people have a different sense of time. They have forgotten how it is to be working and juggling a million things. Like how my retired dad says he's so busy, but what he did that day was go out for groceries and trim the hedges. You'll get there too someday (if you are lucky). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:13 PM Flag
»
op, my mom used to be the same way, she just loved people and would connect and talk to anyone, often ask their sign... As a teenager and after young adult I was always bothered by this. I was much more reserved. My mom developed Alzheimer 7 years ago, at just 65. I am 50 and more often these days I find that I talk to the lady at the cash register, or happily reply to someone standing in line with me and make small talk... I often remind myself of my mom and find this funny. Until a few years ago, I would have never talked to just anyone... Nowadays my mom is still alive, but not herself anymore. Not a person. Alzheimhers is terrible. I would be so happy to have my wonderful chatty mom back. Please think that these people may feel lonely, or simply love being around other people... and be patient. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
This made me tear up. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:32 PM Flag
»
That's my dad and there is no reasoning with him. He goes and talks to people when they work, pays visits just to say hi when it doesn't seem appropriate to me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:18 PM Flag
»
I would just wait, as I would like someone behind me to wait while I find out what I need to know, too. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:22 PM Flag
»
My DH does this shit and he's in his early 40s. Talks with EVERYONE. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
She can't remember things as easily. I have little patience for stupidity and for people who don't try to mitigate with preparation. Old people can't always do that. You just have to be kind. I assure you, you would drive me crazy with the questions YOU asked and how slowly and redundantly you discussed your issue. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:12 PM Flag
[ - ] We are in the process of hiring a new nanny. Previously have had native Spanish speakers as that is DH's first language and we are raising our DDs bilingual. However this time around we aren't finding a lot of options that work for us (through an agency) who speak Spanish. If we put that aside our strongest candidates right now are from Togo and Ivory Coast. Does anyone have experience with West African nannies? DDs are 9 months and 3 years old. Thank you! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:31 PM Flag
»
Why don’t you go with a different agency if speaking Spanish is important [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:38 PM Flag
»
How will my recommendation of my nanny from West Africa will have any bearing on the women you are considering hiring? They don't speak Spanish, that's all I know about them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:53 PM Flag
»
This. There isn’t a general standard/trend that is true for all people of a certain ethnicity. Really? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:18 PM Flag
»
Holy insensitive, Batman! Just like all other people on this planet, some are better than others. Their country of origin isn't a qualifier. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:39 PM Flag
[ - ] Thanks to the OP below who posted about the screaming and slamming doors and the other OP a day ago who posted about wanting advice about her 12 year old dd who was really rude all of the time. It makes me feel better that I’m not the only one going through these things. :-) 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:30 PM Flag
»
We're all in the same boat. No one who is working from home with kids doing remote learning is happy about it and thriving (at least no one I know). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:47 PM Flag
»
Ha. I'm the screaming/slamming. Some days it rolls right off of me. Some days I head to my room for a quick breakdown. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:04 PM Flag
»
IME, girls are the worst at 12/12, boys at 15. They both go up from there. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
Good to know! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:33 PM Flag
»
+1. DS just turned 16, and he's been moody, negative, disrepectful... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:48 PM Flag
[ - ] So it seems like Covid cases are spiking in Arizona, Florida, Texas but no one is closing anything anymore. Guess we’ll just ride this out 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:26 PM Flag
»
It's spiking around the world right now. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:41 PM Flag
»
no, Italy has reopened before us and for the past 8-10 days had less than 30 ppl infected per day. Hospitals Covid departments are now empty. But then again, people there (all people) have taken this seriously and do not gather in huge groups, all wear masks etc. In the state I live in, although lower density, very few people are wearing masks, even in stores. It really bothers me, I follow the rules... but can't control others. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:29 PM Flag
»
Yes. Check other countries besides Italy. Brazil, India, Indonesia etc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:52 PM Flag
»
we tried it the other way, and it was unsustainable. now, on to the next method. we'll be fine, just continue to protect the vulnerable (over 60 and/or underlying conditions). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:44 PM Flag
»
Wearing a mask and staying 6 ft apart isn't unsustainable in the short term. Those states just went 100% back to normal overnight. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:42 PM Flag
»
ITA [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:46 PM Flag
»
the question was about closing down. that is unsustainable. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:58 PM Flag
»
You can close for a year, things will spike as soon as people go out. This has gone on for too long [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:20 PM Flag
»
probably not if it was closed for a year as the virus needs hosts to survive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:55 PM Flag
»
It's because they don't bother with taking any precautions anymore, if they ever did (say my friends in texas and florida). I think NYers will still wear masks and wash hands like crazy even once everything is lifted. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
No- one lives for ever! It’s about quality of life while you have it [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
Florida and Texas have hospital capacity. Arizona is the only one that does seem worrisome at the moment. I've seen numbers like 85% of ICU beds occupied. But there are officials talking about it, i.e. that they may need field hospitals or a new lockdown. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:44 PM Flag
»
Going to be interesting to see how people in red states react to the "hoax" of covid19. Same people who previously thought this was a "new york problem" [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:52 PM Flag
»
there's not enough mask wearing there. if everyone wore masks, it would help tremendously. I'm quite worried about the lack of mask wearing. talking to friends in other places, and they're saying that many are not wearing masks in their area. it's pretty scary. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:57 PM Flag
[ - ] How will scrapping admissions screening next year affect citywides? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:22 PM Flag
»
? What grade [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
Doesn't matter. What will become of NEST if they can't screen? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:13 PM Flag
[ - ] NY Times article talks about how the DOE is using Coronavirus to eliminate screening/testing. Oldest DD is at Anderson which apparently will shut down. We have 2 more kids 2 and 3 years old. I think this is the final straw for us leaving the city for good. If we owned a place I could see us staying but we are paying astronomical rent and child care, and I'm not going to let my kids rot with substandard education. 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:17 PM Flag
»
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/11/nyregion/coronavirus-nyc-schools-admissions.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:18 PM Flag
»
Are you looking for validation to your feelings? Just do what's right for your family-- no other opinions needed. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:20 PM Flag
»
This! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:22 PM Flag
»
op - Sorry, I know this topic has been beaten to death. Just voicing my view which is that eliminating screening will cause irreparable harm to our communities by incentivizing families to flee. I think the DOE is about to conduct a social experiment that will have significant negative impacts on the city itself. It just seems insane that the DOE would shut the best performing schools in a city that desperately needs more good schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:24 PM Flag
»
Cool. Thanks for making your view known on an anonymous message forum. Are your real friends tired of the topic, too? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:44 PM Flag
»
So go. Many people want diversity. I want less segregation so I am fine with the changes/. Do what you want. It seems that some UMC white women act like they are doing us a favor by staying in NYC [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:45 PM Flag
»
Seriously. We would not miss a couple hundred Anderson families. Bye-bye! Enjoy Scarsdale! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:15 PM Flag
»
They are. They are the tax base for all the broke people [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:22 PM Flag
»
You think Anderson families are the tax base? The tax base is much more significantly composed of corporate tax paying entities and billionaires who have their kids in private school. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 11:09 AM Flag
»
She has posted this before (unless there is more than one person on this board with three kids, an oldest at Anderson , and who keeps insisting that is closing down). I'm sorry, OP, but if you're not happy, agree - just go an do what you feel is right. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:52 PM Flag
»
Haha I am not OP but also have oldest of 3 DC at A. Just want to put that out there, in case anyone thinks it’s me... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
LOL - that's the worst when you get "outed" for someone else's psycho post just because you fit the profile [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
It will not shut down but become a gen ed school. I think the suburbs may relieve a lot of stress for you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:24 PM Flag
»
op - I think most families in my school will also leave the city. Makes me sad. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:27 PM Flag
»
Nothing in this article says A is going to close. The DoE recently approved A’s plan to try to increase diversity for the current admission cycle. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:35 PM Flag
»
This OP either has some kind of agenda or is a the-sky-is-falling type. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:03 PM Flag
»
She has posted that over and over on here (and other online forums as well). It's clear it is the same person using the closing of Anderson as hyperbole. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:04 PM Flag
»
Why don't they put money into the so called underperforming schools. Invest in teachers, invest in after school programs, invest in reading and math programs... the type of help that the so called rich kids are getting? It is also ridiculous that you need all this help to get into and stay in school. Then what's the point of school? Certainly not teaching. It's just a marker for resources. Why should you have to already know the material before school? I think there is a problem with the whole education and testing culture that does serve to segregate. But this solution is not helpful either for the kids they are trying to help. It will lead to white flight and a downgrade in the quality of the magnet schools when all the resources leave the schools with the white flight. It is helpful for no one. The system is just perpetuating itself. You really have to look out for yourself. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:48 PM Flag
»
They did that with the Renewal program. 1 billion dollars in wrap around services. While there were non academic benefits to the children served, there were no academic improvements. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
They really like to bring everyone down to a lower level. It’s sad [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:23 PM Flag
»
White flight is real , you are spot on. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:23 PM Flag
»
shut down charters for a start. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:00 PM Flag
»
why do you think anderson is closing down? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:20 PM Flag
»
They will use this as excuse to scrap screening, learn from home, sell school buildings and fire half the teachers. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
We've already decided to keep our youngest in her private all the way, and believe me, that would not be our first choice--we love our older DC's public high school. But no screening, no thanks. Why won't they do the actual hard work of lifting all the schools across the board? Reinstate honors classes in middle school--when they existed (until the 90s), the student profiles of the top high schools showed way more diversity. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:27 PM Flag
»
Because they don't know how to fix the elementary schools. Education starts at home and you need families who are motivated and have the resources and time to support their kids in their education. School can only do so much. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:30 PM Flag
»
Underfunded schools can't do much at all. Intervention and opportunity in the middle schools would at least help. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:31 PM Flag
»
Why can't we have opportunity and intervention in ES? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:36 PM Flag
»
Ask the DOE. This was a great article about the elite high schools and how they ended up so segregated, in case anybody is interested: https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2018/06/new-york-high-schools-stuyvesant-brooklyn-bronx/562772/ [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:41 PM Flag
»
Older dc when to top g&t. Younger going local gen ed- was tired of commute. Gen ed really really is fine! Lots nice families and not type AAA parents who prep few days a week for everything. Most of g &t kids are really not much brother just prepped and prepped!! Been there done that and have seen it. Plus testing 4 yr olds not reliable especially when only 200 spots at top schools when over 1000 get nothing with the same score. It’s really a lottery and not based on who should get it [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:29 PM Flag
»
ES is a whole different ball of wax compared to MS and certainly HS. I agree, mine went to our local gen ed es, were fine, but for MS and HS we would have never sent to gen ed. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:46 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:58 PM Flag
»
this is so depressing. we pay a LOT in nyc taxes and for the schools to be such a mess is a shame. our kids are still young but we had hoped that the screened schools would be a good solution. it seems there is a big push to do away with them. i dont know why anyone would keep their kids in the public schools then who can afford private. only other option is to leave. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:07 PM Flag
»
omg - this is nuts. schools will not be a mess. screened schools just perpetuate segregation and are not better. get over your self. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:01 PM Flag
»
you're equating elimination of screened schools with substandard education and that's just untrue. really, you're in a bubble. there are plenty of great schools that aren't screened. I have a teen and know tons of families with dc's in many different schools. the kids are doing well. you're just talking nonsense. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Random sidebar. I really enjoyed Space Force. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:00 PM Flag
»
Did you? I watched the first episode and didn’t like it. Does it get better? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:09 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:50 PM Flag
»
OP: Yes, when the last episode ended, I was sad. I wanted a few more. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:00 PM Flag
»
Me too , but I like silly shows like that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:12 PM Flag
»
I rather liked the first episode; his wife reminds me of an idealized Inmate Mom. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:18 PM Flag
»
Lol [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:21 PM Flag
»
OMG, she's right! Funny, blonde, jumpsuit ... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:22 PM Flag
»
Was it explained why she is in jail? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:25 PM Flag
»
OP: Nope. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:59 PM Flag
»
Me too. Fuck Tony steaks every scene he’s in. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:12 PM Flag
»
'I got run over by a lexus.' He's so amazing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:18 PM Flag
»
Love the scenes with the FLOTUS uniform suggestions [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:27 PM Flag
»
I love Noah Emmerich as a bad guy. He seems so so sweet, I have seen him walking around with a young kid. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:27 PM Flag
»
I laugh a little every time I see a husky in the park. Or another dog with a very fluffy tail. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:39 PM Flag
[ - ] We're at the slamming doors and yelling portion of our morning. How's everyone else doing? 29 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:56 PM Flag
»
That's basically all day every day in our house. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:02 PM Flag
»
This. We don't discriminate based on time or location. Np [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:03 PM Flag
»
Unfortunately this. :-( [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:09 PM Flag
»
Zero sleep, two travel sized mugs of coffee and yelling at one of my kids to do the very bare minimum of an assignment for remote learning-- it's awful over here. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:05 PM Flag
»
haha. that happened a little earlier here. now everyone is in their own corners on their own devices. one person is probably still in pjs [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:11 PM Flag
»
DS finished his work for the day and is quietly playing PS4 in the living room. DH started his workday at 10:30 at the dining room table. I'm in bed chilling with Netflix. Just got my $782 weekly payment. So, not bad. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:12 PM Flag
»
What’s the payment for? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:18 PM Flag
»
NYS Pandemic Unemployment Assistance, which I qualified for because DS is out of school and I am technically his caretaker. Plus my clients dried up right around mid-March. It's buttressed by $600/wk from the federal government through July. It adds up. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:25 PM Flag
»
^^ If you qualify they'll pay you retroactively to the beginning of the pandemic: https://www.labor.ny.gov/ui/pdfs/pua-factsheet.pdf [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:27 PM Flag
»
Yep. Screaming at each other. No slamming doors yet. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:20 PM Flag
»
I took half an edible because work melted down this morning [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:48 PM Flag
»
+1. Thankful the no eviction order goes through June. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:58 PM Flag
»
are you in NYC? It goes well into August [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:00 PM Flag
»
In NYC and good to know! Just hoping the bulk of the frustration ends with remote learning (my kids are only 6 and 10, so not even surly teens yet) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:01 PM Flag
»
PS you won't get evicted for having noisy kids. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
I know, just joking because we went from literally never being home (kids always out at activities, sports, etc. until dinnertime and all day on weekends) to 4 angry people stomping around, screaming, slamming doors daily. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:39 PM Flag
»
Same [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:58 PM Flag
»
When school starts, I leave. I suddenly have errands to run! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:58 PM Flag
»
Kids just woke up and refuse to help with house. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:59 PM Flag
»
Put him in 4-points and have a mimosa. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:00 PM Flag
»
OP: Thank you everyone. It really helps to know so many other people are in the same boat. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:01 PM Flag
»
Glad our suffering brings you comfort! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:22 PM Flag
»
We're in the completely given up phase. Fine, go play, create a complete mess of crafts, and eat a popsicle for lunch. I don't care anymore. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:03 PM Flag
»
I would be thrilled if thy kids wanted to do something crafty / messy. Instead they are in dark rooms w iPads [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:23 PM Flag
»
^^ my [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:23 PM Flag
»
mine do that too. They are just completely feral at this point. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:25 PM Flag
»
ha same! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:39 PM Flag
»
so is my 15 year old dd [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:45 PM Flag
»
I’ve given up! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Is your middle schooler prepping for SHSAT? What if there isn't one? Money out the window? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:54 PM Flag
»
De Blasio can't remove the SHSAT and Cuomo will vote to keep it. Don't worry. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:57 PM Flag
»
one can only hope. I have BDB and like CUomo more and more. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:49 PM Flag
»
There will be one and we are prepping but I doubt my dd will get in. Her practice test scores are not good. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:11 PM Flag
»
Its still early. SHSAT practice is good, but DC needs a solid foundation on the material first - use the summer to build that. The asian cram schools know what they are doing - teach the foundation and practice practice practice every week. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:24 PM Flag
»
what were her practice scores? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Golf moms, how fast can I learn some basics to play for half a day? I have average hand-eye coordination (play tennis well). 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:51 PM Flag
»
It takes quite a while to learn to play well. However, the key to being able to play with a group of any skill is being able to play quickly. This means being willing to pick your ball if you're slowing the group down, keeping a very close eye on your ball so that you don't spend a ton of time looking for it, etc. And, even more importantly, LEARN THE ETIQUETTE! I'll play golf with people of any skill level. I have zero tolerance for people who don't walk into other peoples lines on the green, talk when others are swinging, don't rake their sand traps, etc. When you're learning, ask someone who has played for a long time just to take you out to learn the etiquette...if you get that down, you'll be golden! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:19 PM Flag
»
Typo: People who DO walk into other people's lines. Sorry!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:20 PM Flag
»
+1. Do your best to be ready to hit your ball, and if your shots are errant, just pick up the ball and move forward to the green (putting is the easiest stroke)... don't hold up play. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:28 PM Flag
»
You won't learn much about golf in a hurry, but you can sure have fun hitting some good (if lucky) shots and taking a great walk with people you like. Lower your expectations and just have fun out there while you keep play moving. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:42 PM Flag
»
You should take at least one lesson. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:02 PM Flag
[ - ] week two of eating healthy, working out 5 days a week (3rd week of not drinking) weight seems to be up. I need to just keep the faith, yes? 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:24 PM Flag
»
Yup. Are you in your 40s? Keep it up! Also make sure that by eating healthy, you're not consuming more calories than usual. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:26 PM Flag
»
this. it is so easy to increase calorie intake and not even realize it. working out makes you hungrier [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:27 PM Flag
»
Also, even making healthy moves like swapping out a muffin or breakfast pastry for something like avocado toast can add calories to your morning routine if you're not watching portion sizes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:34 PM Flag
»
54! oh my, but I want to age healthily, being overweight does not help with that goal [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:29 PM Flag
»
You'll get there! Don't let the scale discourage you - keep going! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:34 PM Flag
»
Are you sore from the workouts? You could be retaining water. Keep it up! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:28 PM Flag
»
Same. And yes, we just need to keep the faith! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:33 PM Flag
»
I am you. My weight goes up and down by 4 lbs per day! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:40 PM Flag
»
If you only have like 10-15 lbs to lose, it will take months to see the change on a scale. Find non-scale victories instead. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:51 PM Flag
»
+1. For me, I stopped drinking wine every night (3-4 glasses) and after a week I noticed my pants fitting more comfortably and my face looks slimmer, even though the scale hasn't moved. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:55 PM Flag
»
that much drinking would definitely increase bloating [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:04 PM Flag
»
Seriously. I can't believe I did it. Started doing this early in the quarantine... would start earlyish in the evening and stay up til like 1 or 2... so I never really felt "drunk" - but so much damage done. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:16 PM Flag
»
Don't beat yourself up. Many of us could easily slip into a routine like that with the current circumstances. And if alcohol is not your thing, it could be an evening ritual of cookies or ice cream or something. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:26 PM Flag
»
It's all the food intake. What are you eating and when? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:56 PM Flag
»
OP: 54 y.o, 5'2, 149 as of today. Smoothing around 10AM (berries, natural pb, 1/2 cup almond milk) salad with protein, apple with cinnamon for a snack, dinner protein and veggies. Snacks popcorn and about 2 ounces of dark chocolate. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:29 PM Flag
»
Why are you having snacks? Useless calories. Just eat your meals. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:03 PM Flag
»
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what the OP is eating. Those snacks are small and if she didn't eat those, she would likely eat more at meal time OP, I am you almost exactly (52, 5'1, 143 pounds). And I eat very similar to the way you do (today I had 1/2 cup greek yogurt with a small apple chopped up and mixed in and 1/2 cup granola on top. Lunch was a fish taco bowl -- baked tilapia, black beans and rice -- 10 oz total. Dinner will be baked salmon and steamed vegetables). It is just really hard to lose weight once you hit menopause. I actually had a virtual meeting with a nutritionist today. I am going to do a food log for her and meet with her again in a week, so I will post then and let you know what she recommends. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:59 PM Flag
»
Drink lots of water / I bet you’ll be down 2 lbs by Monday morning [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:04 PM Flag
»
hi op. I am 52. Even though I have always been eating very consciously and healthy, I was 134 (at 5'4 and pear shape it was a bit too much on bottom half) when this pandemic started. By always eating at home, walking 3 miles every day (suburbs) and a few barre videos, I am now 126 and probably in the best shape I've been in years. I do wish I could get rid of some cellulite, but that's Ok... just to say that you will get there. My typical day in food: I start every morning with a glass of warm water w half lemon squeezed in. I drink a liter and a half to 2 every day. breakfast is either oatmeal with some mixed berries and almond butter or one egg with a slice of cheese on a sprouted bread toast (Ezekiel). I will try to eat breakfast around 9:30 or later, so I feel full longer. Around 2:30 I'll have a little bit of tuna or turkey with some almonds or other nuts and a piece of fruit. Or I will make "savory" greek yogurt with mixed arugula, a bit of salt, olive oil, some nuts or other veggies. I try to have dinner around or before 7 - usually some chicken or seafood, sometimes a very small serving of whole wheat pasta or farro or quinoa with the protein. I use olive oil primarily and some grass butter. I will have a small piece of dark chocolate as a treat. Not into wine or alcohol, will maybe have a half glass once every few weeks (but that is just me). Keep up the good work :) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:42 PM Flag
»
try to not eat after dinner and eliminate the chocolate. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:29 PM Flag
»
Are you actually counting calories with an app like Lose It? I found that to be very eye opening. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:33 PM Flag
»
On days you don’t work out, make sure to get at least 10k steps. Also, lower the sodium so you don’t retain water. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:02 PM Flag
»
Eating healthy is great for your overall health, but for me the only thing that works to lose weight is IF [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:04 PM Flag
»
wow thanks all! I feel inspired to take it up a notch now instead of giving up which I could feel myself starting to do! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:47 PM Flag
[ - ] There are certainly a lot of downsides to our new COVID life, but right now I'm sitting in my car while my daughter has a dentist appointment and it is such an improvement. Instead of cramming into a little room and making small talk with a hygentist, I'm sifting through work emails and enjoying a coffee. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:17 PM Flag
»
+1 my DS has has first orthodontist appointment next week since Feb and for once it's not a drudge like you described. I'll be chilling in the car. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:23 PM Flag
»
I took dc to a dr. appointment the other day. No waiting, no one else there, in and out. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone think that if they remove screens for middle and high school, that things will be fine? I want to hear from those people. 74 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:14 PM Flag
»
I don't even understand what that means. No computers at all? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:17 PM Flag
»
OP: academic screening tools in admissions (grades, test scores). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:19 PM Flag
»
Oh. haha. I have young kids so I haven't been following. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:22 PM Flag
»
Lol [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:33 PM Flag
»
omg. where have you BEEN woman! new to UB? lol :-) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:30 PM Flag
»
no. Not at all. But they are not fine now either. The difference is who has to expereicen the "not fineness." So my question is what do we do to make it better if they remove screens. I want to look at Ed Opt schools like Murrow in Brooklyn, which many people like, as an example of what a version of unscreened would be (though Murrow actually does screen -- but for a bell curve of student performance). But it's a huge school, which makes it easier to meet needs of a spectrum of learners at least in terms of course offerings. And I don't have a kid there, but there is tracking, which has to happen in high schools, I think, though maybe there are better ways of implementing tracking. I think middle schools can be easier, because curriculum is really much more uniform across all middle schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:22 PM Flag
»
Define 'fine'? Spreading resources out (which is what is happening here) will probably raise the mean but there may no longer be tip-top public education that rivals private schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:26 PM Flag
»
The experience of attending a strong, diverse public school vs an elite private school is different and I think people discount the educational benefits of the experience of the former. I'm not saying there arent trade-offs, but there are trade-offs both ways. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:34 PM Flag
»
How do you know the MS and HS will be strong after removing screens? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:19 PM Flag
»
I am thinking of schools like Murrow that are intentionally diverse or public schools in other parts of the country. I know that all these larger schools track in some and figuring how to do tracking well is part of managing a strong, diverse public school. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:53 PM Flag
»
The key point is that it screens. No one is against diversity, people simply want standards and screens. The strong student body is what makes the successful HS great. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:10 PM Flag
»
But it screens to accept a student body that include 16% students who are high performers, 68% middle and 16% low. I think most people would be ok with screens like that. performance level was historically determined by state ELA test score; high performance cutoff was generally in the high 3s range. I;m not sure what the low range encompassed. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:00 PM Flag
»
Both my kids attended an unscreened NYC middle school and it wasn't perfect and had ups and downs but they had a strong (untracked) education and had good high school prospects. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:54 PM Flag
»
Were these zoned? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:08 PM Flag
»
No, but they were diverse, so mix of students by race, academic ahcievement. ABout 40% free and reduced lunch. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:59 PM Flag
»
^diverse means plurality Black but sizable white and Hispanic minorities. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:07 PM Flag
»
But did kids have to apply to be in it, even if it had no screens? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:15 PM Flag
»
No. It was "unscreened" so admission was by lottery. No diversity preferences. Pure lottery. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:26 PM Flag
»
But you have to submit for the lottery. So that in itself is a screen because it attracted families who really care, have the time and determination to find a good school for their kids. they bought into whatever the philosophy of the school was. The problem with our system is not how to educate those kids, but what to do with the ones whose families simply do not care enough. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:08 PM Flag
»
Not really becuse the only way you get into a middle school in NYC is by putting in an application and ranking schools. So all families do put in applications. Some may not educate themselves about choices and just put a school they know about. But all students/families submit an application. It's not a separate application like charter schools. People rank choices and then students are admitted based on whatever criteria the school uses (test scores+grades, onsite test+interview, doversity preferences, pure lottery, etc.). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:36 PM Flag
»
Exactly my point, some just put the nearest school, some don't care what they get. I bet the kids at your school do not all live around it, which means all those parents decided it is worth it for them to commute to school. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:32 PM Flag
»
It won't raise it because there will be a drain - families with resources and high-performing kids will leave the system. BASIS added a full 6ht grade class to accommodate D15 student fleeing the MS system. Some people left, charters saw interest some have never experienced before. Some people left. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:18 PM Flag
»
A very interesting article, the DOE person who implemented the matching system for HS (D15 algorithm is the same), lives in D15 and chose to send his child to a charter vs a low performing MS. The charter is not that high-performing either. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:37 PM Flag
»
https://www.wsj.com/articles/school-choice-expert-has-unique-take-on-brooklyn-districts-new-admissions-system-11569070802 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:38 PM Flag
»
Yes. So did Josh Wallack, head of enrollment. His D15 child is going to a screened D2 school. Look up every DOE buerocrat, they all sent their kids to selective schools despite their striving to remove such screens. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:31 PM Flag
»
I'm in this position this year. I don't think I can defend screens but my son is in 7th and there are schools to which I would not send him if that's where he matched. I don't think these things are necessarily at odds. If we keep screens, it's more likely that DS would match to a school to which I would feel comfortable sending him, but the fact that eliminating screens means he may get a placement I can't accept doesn't mean the system as it is is fair or right and that I should fight to keep it in a way that advantages him? My situation does mean I am also thinking about what else we can do beyond eliminaing screens so it's more likely that DS would get a match we are comfortable with . . . [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:05 PM Flag
»
Sorry but you are the epitome of hypocrisy, just like all these DOE officials who sent their kids to screened schools already. You are for removing screens while you admit you may not send your DC to some of the schools. Lucky you to have options. What about parents and students who do not favor removing screens but have no other options? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:26 PM Flag
»
But that's the same situation now for all of the families of students who don't do as well in school or on state tests -- (which is a larger and generally less empowered group than those they do well by those screens)? I'm a hypocite regardless, right, simply because if I didn't like the match my kid gets, I have another choice -- probably (you never really know how life may change). But the system as it is now makes it much more likely that my kid will get a good match and the system that I am advocating for makes it less likely that my kid will get a good match. My situation is the same regardless of the system, and so I try to take myself out of it and advocate for a system that would do the most good for the larger number of kids. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as a saint or virtuous. I;m just looking at the situation and trying to be honest about what I feel I can advocate for and also how I would behave since I have a kid in the process. Do you think I'm not a hypocrite if I advocate for the system that advantages high performing kids like my own but say I want a better world and more equity? That feels more hypocritical to me -- empty virtue signalling. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:42 PM Flag
»
^I think the real argument is whether removing screens does improve things, in the sense of making access to school quality more equitable. The rejoinder seems to be that it doesn't because the only thing that makes schools good is having strong students, and so fewer strong students means worse schools means more people with choices leaving the system meaning fewer strong students. Vicious cycle. I don't think that the only things that makes schools "good" is having strong students though I do think having some strong students is probably important. With that in mind, I think avoiding the vicious cycle is something that planning can minimize . . . [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:10 PM Flag
»
When over 50% of NYC kids are not reading/doing math at grade level (which is a low bar to start with), removing screens for a few schools will do absolutely nothing to improve that # or help the majority of children. How will removing screens help the kids in Bushwick or in Bronx where there are barely any screened schools (and schools sit half empty because anyone who could escape is in a Charter)? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:51 AM Flag
»
A lot of words to say you push for a change, but if it doesn't work for you, your family will not participate to make the changed system better. But you want to force it upon other people. It won't work for many other families and they will all leave the system, which will lead to a mass exodus. So who will work to make the changes give results? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:04 PM Flag
»
But what's the alternative? Some group doesn't get access regardless; change just changes the rules about who has access. It's not like what we has now is better. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:46 AM Flag
»
The change has to start at ES school level. Call a spade a spade. This is not about race but about kids who start falling behind in K already. If we educate all kids well in ES we won't be stuck with undesirable MS and HS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:58 PM Flag
»
Take yourself out of it and advocate for a system that would do the most good for a larger # of kids, but that good is not good enough for your kid. Wow. Just like our hypocritical bureaucrats using your privilege to escape. Its OK for you force this lack of choice onto poorer families who cannot take themselves out of the system?? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:49 AM Flag
»
But poorer families now are disproportionately adversely affected by the current screening. More so than without screening. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:47 AM Flag
»
I could advocate for the status quo but if my kid didn't get in a school I liked I could opt out then too. Is that less hypocritical? People do this now all the time with NYC schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:53 AM Flag
»
What about those who do favor removing screens because they have no good options now? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:48 AM Flag
»
Interesting. People who had tried Basis out from D13 a few years back mostly seem to not like -- leave for HS and not send younger kids. Not everyone, but def the majority. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:48 PM Flag
»
I think certain demographic really likes it. For some it's a temporary measure to get through MS and they apply for different HS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:23 PM Flag
»
this, at least the child will get a decent shot for HS. some MS do not prepare the kids [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:22 PM Flag
»
This!! More choices for HS, including SHS and kids are older and can travel. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:51 AM Flag
»
If they remove screens, they need to add tracking. Period. For ALL schools, especially in traditionally lower-performing schools in low income neighborhoods. Give every single child in this city the specialized learning they need (whether it's remedial or accelerated), and I guarantee the demographics of the applicant pool for SHS (where test screens should ABSOLUTELY be kept) will broaden dramatically. This shouldn't cost much money or be a massive initiative - it's just rejiggering classroom assignments. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:30 PM Flag
»
Do you think you need tracking in middle school? My kids' unscreened middle has simply offered ALgebra and Living ENvironment regents for ALL students. Not all students wind up taking the regents (so they effectively choose to take the class again in 9th grade). There are pluses and minuses with this approach, and we may try to tweak it. ELA and SS aren't tracked, but I think those classes are much easier to differentiate in a mixed achievement classroom. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:38 PM Flag
»
I think it depends on class size. In a group of 32 kids needs of mixed achievement, how can every ability be addressed? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:44 PM Flag
»
They aren't comepletely. In ALgebra a couple years ago when my kid was there, the class probably didn't get to as much as they would have had it been a tracked group and I think that translated into lower regents scores, but maybe more high 80s for students who otherwise have gotten 90s? Is that the biggest deal? Is the trade-off worth it? The bigger issue is how are struggling student supported -- and in those advanced classes, that's the piece that our school is stil working on. You def need more pull-out, individualized support. But I think it is doable, at least better than we have done until now. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:48 PM Flag
»
High 80s in Regents Algebra is nothing to get excited about (the curve is ridiculous - the new passing grade on the Algebra 1 Regents test, newly aligned with up-to-date standards, is 31.4%. Out of the 86 points, high school students have to get 27 right - from 2017). Most HS won't even put you in Geometry if you scored below an 85. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:54 AM Flag
»
np. My MS daughter says her math teacher has no time to answer her questions because she prefers to allocate time to her lowest performing students, who are also quite disruptive, hence miss more of what is being taught. When she has a question, she is told to go to after-school math help group, led by HS students, who are not always good at helping the younger kids. And the teacher is great btw. So having 32 kids all over the map clearly doesn't work. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:06 PM Flag
»
I had this same experience with DC in elementary. My DC is higher performing (not a genius, but does great on tests, grasps concepts quickly, loves going deeper in various subjects independently) but is rather quiet and shy and not self-directed or self-motivated. Can basically get all 3s with zero effort (and is fine with this), so gets easily lost in the shuffle in a larger, more disruptive class. Bright kids who are more outgoing and self-motivated can do outstanding in any environment (and maybe even benefit from the "big fish, small pond" experience where they stand out) - these are often the parents who put down screened or G&T programs (because their kids thrived in mixed/Gen Ed programs, and got into top middle schools, etc.)... but many kids need to be in an environment that pushes them. I would argue this is even MORE true in lower performing schools, where parental involvement and outside enrichment might be lower. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:47 PM Flag
»
I have one of each kind of these kids (though my quieter kid is a better test taker, which has helped her in NYC with all its test-based screening). I think both kids have learned more from being in a diverse classroom, even with the disruption and imperfect differentiation, than they would have in a more curated environment. And I say this based on them having been in both screened and unscreened environments. Part of this is because I'm an engaged parent and can follow what they are doing and push them a lot when needed and supplement. This is unrealistic for many families. I think no matter what we decide, there will be trade-offs and different trade-offs may make sense at different moments. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:58 PM Flag
»
Totally agree with you that being an involved parent is key, whether a child is struggling or accelerated. Maybe I'm misguided, but I feel like for that reason, a tracking system actually benefits students in areas where there may not be as much parental involvement? My reality is that I'm very privileged, live in D2, have children who learn and test easily, and am able to provide enrichment. Screened schools are nice to have, but certainly not necessary for my children's ultimate success. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:25 PM Flag
»
np. Put your kids in a school with a bunch of disruptive kids, and let's see how well they learn. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:09 PM Flag
»
I'm actually making the case for tracking as a way to benefit all kids, not just the privileged, which ultimately improves diversity into the screened MS and HS (which is the supposed goal of the current admin). My point above was that in a disruptive classroom, my kids have a better shot of coming out ahead than a child whose parents are unable to be as involved (often due to systemic failures/factors such as housing insecurity, having to work multiple jobs, incarceration, language barrier, etc.) I don't have hard stats handy to fact check, but a few weeks ago I saw someone note stats about Charter Schools being largely AA/Hispanic in the city. What this tells me is that involved parents of high performing students of color are finding ways of getting their kids in tracked programs anyway. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:37 PM Flag
»
pp. Yes, I absolutely agree with you reg tracking, but DOE is so opposed, I doubt it will happen. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:40 PM Flag
»
Somehow the chancellor has somehow conflated any sort of tracking or grouping as contributing to inequality... when the reality is, the kids who would benefit most would be the neediest children in schools that are currently low performing. And THEN you could easily switch to a lottery system for schools, and nobody would bat an eye. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:06 PM Flag
»
100%. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:25 PM Flag
»
i think they got rid of some of the tracking they had in D15 MS when they switched to lottery. They dont want to make "a school within a school". Where kids that went to higher performing ES ( white) are all in the same classes, excluding POC. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:24 PM Flag
»
My question - what is happening in the D15 highly sought after schools like MS 51 , New Voicers, etc. now that there is a mix of ability but no ability grouping? How are the schools handling the kids coming in below grade level, lack of home supports , etc. if at all? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:57 AM Flag
»
I disagree. Disruptive classrooms affect the non disruptive children, and depending on the child, can have major negative impacts. One of my kids went through this in ES, it was a nightmare, caused massive anxiety, bored, and eventually acting out. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:56 AM Flag
»
this is the biggest issue. There are a couple of disruptive kids in my childs class and they ruined the year. So much wasted time in the classroom. Some kids cannot behave, they get poor grades because they arent doing the work or paying attention, and they shouldnt be in a class with top performers. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:27 PM Flag
»
Tracking is like adding screening within the school. It is well documented that class averages and overall learning will improve by mixing a broader range of students. The top half brings the lower half up, and the top half tend to do well regardless. There may not be as much differentiation at the very top of the class, so extracurricular or interest clubs (athletes, chess, debate, model UN, etc) hopefully provide enough. For those that disagree with this model, they often leave and look for schools with a smaller range of students or academic privates where their DC is possibly in the lower-middle and can rise upward. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 08:40 PM Flag
»
Ah yes, the old "the smart kids will be fine" approach. Their needs do not need to be met. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:58 AM Flag
»
You are equating the performance of the upper half of a class with being smart, and I am not. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:06 PM Flag
»
I am ok with removing screens for middle schools. At least in District 3. I think it would solve a lot of problems. Agree that some tracking needs to be implemented instead. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:56 PM Flag
»
I agree but they would do tracking either which is frustrating. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:34 PM Flag
»
I do. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:30 PM Flag
»
the crazy part, is that if we were really trying to prevent COVID spread, they would assign MS & HS kids to the school closest to their home. People would freak. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:29 PM Flag
»
Why? Maybe it would be a good solution for kids to attend a school very close to their home, and it could also help stabilize neighborhoods and rents. There would only be a few school options per address. I don't know of any other place where your K address allows access to the school through 5th. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:45 PM Flag
»
Other places are not prone to rapid gentrification the way it happens here. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 11:09 PM Flag
»
I guess I was thinking about SF, where we lived when DCs were younger. Most of us would have preferred going to our neighborhood school, rather than commute young kids up to 45 minutes or more. If there are issues with coronavirus spread, made worse by public transportation and density, maybe it makes sense to temporarily stop the grandfathered in K address. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:14 PM Flag
»
NYC was like that in the 80s. But, each ES/MS had tracking in the building (slow, gen ed, adn SP) and the zoned HS were the big schools (kind of like Murrow now) with different levels and the size allowed different academic needs to be met as there were enough bodies to fill a class at that level. Then some of the large HS became dangerous failing places and thus the era of small boutique HS was ushered in. If DOe wants to remove screens, they need to do away with all the small schools, and bring back the suburban style large zoned HS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:00 AM Flag
»
This! No screens and no tracking means one-size-fits-all. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 02:52 AM Flag
»
That wouldn't solve for diversity in affluent neighborhoods [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 01:48 AM Flag
»
thats why i said people would freak. the same reason many have issues with zoned ES. BUt from a health standpoint, it makes sense [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 04:34 PM Flag
»
thats why i said people would freak. the same reason many have issues with zoned ES. BUt from a health standpoint, it makes sense [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.20, 04:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Real talk: G&T exams are safe for 2021/22 academic year. Mayor has his hands full with dismantling selective middle and high schools (and also dealing with BLM). There is no time/bandwidth to mess up with G&T for next year. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 01:58 PM Flag
»
Makes sense but he’s missing the fact that elementary schools are the ones in dire need of fixing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:00 PM Flag
»
He's not missing. He's intentionally avoiding - easy to move bodies vs. deal with actually fixing real issues. BTW dont assume G&T is safe. They can easily say we can't do G&T testing this year because of COVID. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:04 PM Flag
»
I feel that if they were to do this, they would have already taken steps to do it. They cannot say in September SURPRISE! ANDERSON/NEST/TAG ARE LOTTERY! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:06 PM Flag
»
For 2021-2022 they can. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:10 PM Flag
»
I mean students stadting school September 2021 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:11 PM Flag
»
Why can't they say that? They can definitely do that. Its very easy to say come January that it is not safe to administer the G&T exams to 4 years given the current state whatever it may be. I have faith that the DOE will find a way to do this, especially if they push through removing screens for MS/HS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:33 PM Flag
»
To clarify the kids who are already admitted no they can't. But for the kids applying next fall, yes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:34 PM Flag
»
I agree [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:11 PM Flag
»
I don't think they will, but I would love to be a fly on the wall at the Anderson PTA meeting when those smug parents discover that their school is about to be overrun by the poors. So much for the $30k auction projects! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:59 PM Flag
»
THIS. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 07:10 PM Flag
»
If you're claiming that academic screens for 14 year olds is racist, then screening 4 year olds is pretty tough to justify. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:53 PM Flag
»
so this [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:06 PM Flag
»
In one year it won’t matter bc the school will be flooded with non G&T [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone on that is close to their tween dd? Do you have something that is your "thing" if so what is it? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 01:54 PM Flag
»
Shopping, bike riding, baking, competetive gymnastics (just her, but I take her to all practices, meets, etc). Our dynamic is helped by the fact that I have an older son and dh who are very into boy stuff; it puts dd and I on a team. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:20 PM Flag
»
My DD is 11. We watch certain shows together. She's artsy-craftsy like me, so sometimes we craft together and chat. I feign interest in certain Youtubers she likes lol. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:22 PM Flag
»
My dd loves singing and theatre so we go to shows together. I have learned so much about singing. My ds talks to me about sports all day. I try to learn about the things they ate interested in. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:29 PM Flag
»
When dd was tween I took two steps to try to build our relationship: 1) We joined a Mother/Daughter book club. 2) I started watching her favorite TV with her. (Reality TV. It was awful by my standards, but I gave us a common thing to talk about.) At that age, you need to make an effort to meet them where they are -- show interest in the things that interest them. It pays off. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:27 PM Flag
»
where did you find a mother/daughter book club? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:14 PM Flag
»
I was invited to join by the founding mother/daughter team. Our girls were classmates. She started the club by recruiting five mother/daughter pairs. Each pair took turns hosting -- that meant suggesting the book, hosting the meet up and leading the discussion. DD is in college now. I honestly miss the M/D book club. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:21 PM Flag
»
what a great idea! I am not sure my dd would be into it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:02 PM Flag
»
this is very true. I read books my DD suggests because she wants me to, though I have no interest. She enjoys discussing them with me and it gives an insight into issues that really resonate with her. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 06:06 PM Flag
»
Just turned 13 here, and we're very close (we have our fights too, though!). We watched Gilmore Girls end to end together when she was 11, and it was a great jumping off point for all sorts of more "grown up" discussions (and it signaled to her that I understand that she's growing up and can watch more grown up things). She's watching Friends now, and we often watch episodes together. We do a lot of puzzles, which is a great way to spend blocks of time together without really needing to talk much (but some great talks have happened). We see a lot of shows too. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:28 PM Flag
»
+1. Watched some of Gilmore girls and friends. Currently watching vampire diaries together! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 09:26 PM Flag
»
My dd is 22 and we stayed close throughout the tween and teen years. I purposely did things to keep us close. We had shows we watched together and discussed (Freaks and Geeks and My So-Called Life were good for conversation, reality shows, baking shows). We often stayed up late after dh went to bed and baked. The biggest thing was our animals. We had a dog and chickens, and found that when it was hard to talk, we could always talk about the animals. We also listened to podcasts like Mortified and The Moth in the car, another thing to talk about. Mortified especially. We did crafts together and listened to podcasts or audiobooks while we worked. Took day trips -- gave us a lot of time in the car, that seems to be the easiest place to talk. Started a sport that we did together. Went to museums. Helped that we liked to do a lot of the same stuff, but also, I forced myself to learn and like some of her interests. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 05:31 PM Flag
[ - ] My birthday is next Thursday. We are stuck in the city and have been for 3 months but have a car. WHat can I do with my dcs 8 and 11 that is a day trip that day? TIA 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 01:54 PM Flag
»
Big fancy picnic and take it out to he beach? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 01:59 PM Flag
»
op - any ideas on a beach? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:15 PM Flag
»
My friends have been going to rockaway fairly regularly. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:35 PM Flag
»
are the ferries running to the rockaways ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:00 PM Flag
»
This! The ferries are so nice and outside traveling [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:02 PM Flag
»
NP: They have a car - even easier [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:14 PM Flag
»
Beach, easy [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:00 PM Flag
»
go to Ridgefield, CT! walk Main Street, go to the park (on Main Street) get dinner and eat outside and have ice cream or get a cake and have it with a picnic in the park! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:01 PM Flag
»
Pick a good day to go to Jones Beach and go to one of the farthest beaches open. Bring everything you need. No concessions. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:20 PM Flag
»
Six Flags drive-through safari [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:25 PM Flag
»
I wanted to do that and DH said too much driving. You have to drive there, drive thru the safari and drive home he said. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:45 PM Flag
»
Whose birthday is it again? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:01 PM Flag
»
SHould have said NP sorry. I brought this up the other day at home. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:08 PM Flag
»
Hmm, my other idea was Art Omni but that would still be 4 hours of driving. I'd just +1 the beach then. I prefer Lido or Long Beach to Jones or Rockaway though. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:04 PM Flag
»
I asked a similar question yesterday, maybe you'll find some helpful suggestions here: https://secure.urbanbaby.com/topics/55947448. I'm watching this thread for even more ideas. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 04:05 PM Flag
»
beach is great during the week because it won't be as crowded as on the weekends. Pack a picnic and go to Robert Moses. That is my favorite beach near NYC. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 10:24 PM Flag
[ - ] My 9th grader took the psat and did really well without any prep. Any parents on with older kids? Were your kids SAT scores similar to their psat scores? Better? Worse? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.11.20, 01:52 PM Flag
»
Most kids go up at least a 100 points. I believe the scoring on the PSAT is slightly lower so the equivalent is 20 points or so higher without any improvement. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:16 PM Flag
»
yes i think its 1520 max for PSAT. but its a good indicator [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:46 PM Flag
»
I think it’s what you put into it. My score improved over 200 pts [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 02:45 PM Flag
»
OP here - Wow thanks. That’s good to know. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.11.20, 03:12 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions