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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] so what happened at the anderson orientation? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.25.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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I heard very... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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well, the principal dropped his pants after one too many drinks. It was a hoot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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LOL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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surprisingly diverse as I said after the picnic. is it possible the doe looked at names, and went for diversity? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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gosh, maybe it's possible that there are actually some smart dcs who aren't white!! nah. never mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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yes, but they were picked preferentially it seems. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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tinfoil hats! tinfoil hats! Get yours while they last! Tinfoil hats! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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no they didn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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On what basis do you say this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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she has no basis. but like every other anderson mom, she thinks she knows everything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:54 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone know a good relationship/marriage counselor in Manhattan who accepts insurance? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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what kind of insurance? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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Aetna [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
[ - ] Question for adoptive moms: A single friend of mine has just begun the process for adopting internationally. A bunch of us want to throw her a shower, but now are wondering if we should donate cash toward the cost of the adoption instead of giving gifts (she has said that money is tight). If you adopted, would this offend you or would you appreciate the money? 60 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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why don't you ask her what she would like or maybe a combo of both. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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We want it to be a surprise. We'll ask her if it comes down to it, but I'd rather surprise her if we could. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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I think I would appreciate the "bring xx home fund" created by my friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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how much money do you think you could pull together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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Not a ton--maybe $1,000-2,000. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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I don't think that 1 or 2 k is that significant. i would go with the shower and lots of presents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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If she's having to put out thousands of dollars in order to "bring home her child" sooner, then there is something wrong with her adoption, and she is basically buying a child. This sounds fishy to me (I'm the one whose sister has adopted 3 times) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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Oh shut up! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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I'm sorry, but this just doesn't sound like a good situation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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you don't know squat about the situation, you are simply debbie downer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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No, I don't know about this situation, but from what the OP has written it does not sound good. I have been very close to several adoptions and I know what the process is, I'm not being debbie downer, I'm just being realistic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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then you know it is expensive to adopt... she didn't say it was to bring them home sooner. Most international adoptions cost at least 15k [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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OP: I don't actually know how the process works so maybe I'm wrong. She just said she was going to have to spend the next year being as frugal as possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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np: if money is tight for them 1-2K is significant. that would buy place tickets for them. I think OP should ask her friend what she wants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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are you asking me or the OP? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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after she has gone through the (expensive) process, it will be nice to have gifts to welcome dc home. The process can take a really long time and having a party for her at the end of the rainbow will be wonderful. But I wouldn't do anything until DC is legally hers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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We would do the gifts after regardless....but they would be less expensive than if we didn't also give money beforehand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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do the gifts...it woudl sort of be like paying for some one to give birth, IMHO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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I think giving her money to help her buy a baby (this is basically the way you're making it sound) is just wrong. if you and your friends want to organize a fund to purchase things for the baby (crib, stroller, etc) and maybe make a plan to decorate the nursery, that is great [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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OP: Of course this is my fear, but she's not buying a baby--she's just paying the exorbitant fees involved in adoption. It seems like helping her with those is more meaningful than a lot of fluff. Also, she's adopting an older child so it's not as straightforward what she will need. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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she'll need a lot of stuff then, too.....books, clothes, toys....it doesn't get cheaper.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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I say give the money. Its fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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Ask her what things she will need for the child (what age, just wondering, my sister has adopted 3 kids), and then offer to help supply those [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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She's a 3 yo girl (although there's some discrepancy about her birthdate). She's sort of reluctant to get things before hand because she wants to see what the girl's personality is like. She'll get a lot of basic stuff--a bed, clothing, etc.--as hand me downs from her family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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What country is she adopting from? This all sounds a little fishy to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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OP: Haiti--it's a legit adoption agency and friend is a social worker so I doubt it's fishy--maybe I'm just misunderstanding how it works. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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Ok, it just does not sound legit from what you've posted, and I know a lot about adoption at this point. Don't give her cash, that is tacky, but a gift card to someplace like Macy's (clothes, bedding etc) or more general AmEx is fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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semantics - an am ex gift card is cash - and A WONDERFUL IDEA OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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WHY is it such a great idea? Here, you adopted a kid, have a bunch of money? Why don't we do that for people who give birth as well? Or maybe you do? tacky, imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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OP: I don't want her to feel like we're highlighting the adoptive process as different from the biological process, but I also think it's naive to pretend the costs are the same. International adoption is a lot more expensive than a typical biological birth (with insurance). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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but she's adopting a 3yo, so there go 3 years of things she doesn't have to worry about paying for! (bright side...) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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hey, we adopted and this is what I we told ourselves. 2 years of daycare = adoption costs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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OP: Well, a 3 yo who has lived her entire life in poverty and who is a "waiting child" which means there's probably a health issue of some kind. I don't think that's a realistic bright side. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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because she is a single mom who has expressed a finacial belt tightening is necessary. That's why. You pay attention to what people say and if you want to help them, you help them. Are you jealous that you pushed and no one gave you cash? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:57 AM Flag
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No, I would have been offended getting cash from my friends. And I am a single mom as well, tyvm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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and you probably didn't share with your friends when you were single and giving birth alone that money was tight. Funny thing, people are all differnent. they all don't like you or appreciate the same things. Did you use a sperm donor? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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No, I got pg at age 20 from a date rape [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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Insurance pays the lions share of a biological birth. Is this a hard concept for you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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not for people who don't have insurance [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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yes, for people who don't have insurance and can't afford to pay - its called medicaid. and then you get NYChildcarePlus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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My work gave me a shower and presented with a large giftcard to BBB. This was very much appreciated and I was able to get a large ticket item with it. Maybe you could do that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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She's adopting an older child, so I'm not sure a place like BBB is the best place...that's part of why this is so complicated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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Then ASK her what she will need [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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But that's the thing...she doesn't really know (beyond the basics, which she'll get as hand-me downs). She has seen pictures of the child, but hasn't met her yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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How old is this child? If you have kids, or know anyone with kids, you'll know what is important. Books, toys, clothes, bedding, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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As posted above, she's a 3 yo girl, but her birthdate isn't entirely clear. My friend will get basic stuff--bed, bedding, generic toys, books--as hand me downs from her family (she has a lot of nieces and nephews). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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OR here: so then I would present her with an AmEx gift card. Tell her you didn't know what she would need and wanted to let her pick things out for herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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don't think she's adopting a baby. nice thought tho. i would still say gifts and party over cash. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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I completed an international adoption recently. You could either chip in to an Amex gift card or someplace like Target (I agree BBB might not be that necessary if she is bringing home a toddler.) I had an older child, so already had a lot of things, but have still appreciated the hand me downs from a friend who had used the stuff more recently. When you start out with a toddler, a brand new stroller etc isn't as important to me, I know I will use some of these things a short time. Also, when she is closer to travelling, if anyone can help her out with hotel points that would be great (airline pts harder to use on short notice.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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not everyone travels to get their adopted dc, remember that. Find out if she plans to, and then give points/tickets accordingly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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that is true. I'm not sure about Haiti (I think you do travel). But even chipping in for a car service from the airport (with a car seat) or meeting her at the airport would be a nice gesture, and money-saving (we ended up spending quite a bit on that) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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traveling anywhere is a personal choice and also depends on the situation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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to my knowledge only Korea and Ethiopia currently send dc home with escorts. most people have to travel, some more than 1x [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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My friend adopted from China and her dc was brought to her (this was in Jan) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:57 AM Flag
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OP: As noted elsewhere, in this case, she will be traveling to Haiti to pick up her daughter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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OP: She will travel to pick up DD in this case. This is a good idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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OP: Thanks all. I have to get back to work. I'm still leaning towards asking her what she'd like and offering to donate $$$. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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We adopted a 2 1/2 year old internationally last year -- I would suggest you throw her a shower where everyone brings a book or two or small toy AND you all chip in for a Target GC. She's about to become a mom (her first child?) so she needs to be spoiled by a big party and have a chance to open presents. We have biological kids and then adopted and I could never tell if the lack of enthusiasm compared to #1 and #2 was because he was adopted or because he was #3. So I always say -- SHOWER THE MOM!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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My daughter was adopted and I loved our shower (it made me feel like people were as excited about the adoption as we were). The money can be tough, but it won't help her bring the child home any quicker. A three year old girl will need clothes, books, bedding, toys, and all kinds of other goodies. Ask your friend if she'd be comfortable having a shower and then just let guests know the situation and what she might need. If she'd rather wait until the child is home with her, then wait until then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 01:02 PM Flag
[ - ] is chicken pox vaccine a requirement to go to school in NYC (public or private)? 63 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.25.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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it should be. signed pregnant mom of entering K kid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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Oh, get over it. The more we vaccinate and anti-bacterialize our kids, the more they die from stuff like asthma and peanut allergies. Life=germs, and chicken pox kills a statistical miniscule number of people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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ew [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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Then get a dog for your kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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i think you're talking about overuse of antibiotics. chicken pox is pretty deadly to the very small ones (babies), not to be taken lightly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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How many people were actually killed by chicken pox? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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100 per year, half kids, half adults. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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ITA - its insane, all the relatively minor illnesses we don't allow our childrent to get anymore. Anybody ever heard of risk vs. reward? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 08:14 PM Flag
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This was my thought, until my kid got chicken pox that left terrible scars all over his face. Every new situation, he gets asked about it (by other kids). My next kid got the vaccine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 08:27 PM Flag
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Why on earth? You should have been vaccinated if you haven't had chicken pox as a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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i think religious exemptions are made only if you refuse all vaccines. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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yes you have to have the shot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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nope. you can get a religious exemption. though as poster below points out there is legislation pending to make all vaccines mandatory. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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which hopefully will never pass. Good luck making everyone get flu shot every year, they run out even with the people who actually want them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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no vaccines are a "requirement." you can get out of any of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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np: there is currently legislation being voted on in NY state that would make vaccinations manditory for all children, including HPV and annual flu shots. this is completely scary to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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so keep your little wall flower home. you people are nuts. do you realize how hysterical you are? do you realize you are raising dcs to be afraid in the world? all of that anxiety cannot be good. I feel for them...and you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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you actually believe that making flu shots for all children (and HPV vaccine for all girls) in NY state manditory is a good idea? i'm not saying that people shouldn't protect their kids, and i'm so not raising my dc to be afraid of the world...but these vaccines should be a parent's choice. it should not be manditory. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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Why wouldn't it be a good idea? Keeping society healthy is one of the governments mandate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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Because we don't all agree with you, YOur HIghness, on how to keep our kids healthy. I do not believe that flu shots make for a healthier population...not by a long shot. I bet you walk around with one of those bottles of hand sanitizers in every purse, pocket, and backpack too, don't you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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eh, no. again, this is personal hygiene. has nothing to do with passing around the flu or chicken pox. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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If YOU get a chicken pox shot, YOU can't get it, right? So why should you care if I don't get a shot and do get it? I still can't give it to you. So pump yourself full of loosely-tested viruses and chemicals, and leave the rest of us alone! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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ew [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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Because you get it an give it to folks that have not had the shot, yet, for example. The shot is relatively new (it's been available since 1995) and there are still generations out there that are still preceptive to the virus. Imagine one of them is pregnant and your child caught the pox (because he wasn't vacced) and passes it on to that poor woman? It would not have happened if your gave your kid the shot (well, there is still a 20% chance that your kid could get the pox, but that's better than 100%). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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With something like polio, you maybe have a case. Chicken pox? Flu? I'm not doing something I don't believe is safe or necessary, to my child's body, because someone else isn't getting a shot. We still have a few personal freedoms over our own bodies, and those of our children, but you crazies want us to give up what little we have left so someone doesn't itch for two weeks? Insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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The chicken pox can be really dangerous for unborn children. The flu can be really dangerous for many people, especially the young and the elderly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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np: But the shots are not even all that effective, and you have to do them every year. I am not doing it, for anyone in this family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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Me neither. We have freedom over our own bodies in this country, thank God, and I'm going to exercise that freedom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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np. Do you have any idea how many people die from the flu? You really can not equate influenza with chicken pox. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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from op: if a woman who is planning to get pg nowadays never had chicken pox, she should be tested to see if she is immune, and if not she should probably get vaccinated. i never had chicken pox and was tested. i'm immune, but definitely would have gotten vaccinated if results were otherwise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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if a woman has never had chicken pox, she should get tested to find out if she is immune, and if not, she should get vaccinated before becoming pg. it's her responsibility to do this. i was tested, and it turns out i am immune, thankfully...but i would have gotten vaccinated if not b/c i understand the risk i could potentially face as an adult getting chicken pox. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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np: Some people do actually get pregnant without planning it. So, yes, not vaccinating your dc does put other innocent people at risk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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ok...but imagine you are a woman of childbearing age and you haven't had chicken pox. you should be responsible for getting yourself vaccinated if you don't want to get it, no? it's up to everybody else in the world to not get you sick? i'm not saying at all that people shouldn't vaccinate their dc for chicken pox. i'm saying that you, as an adult, should be vaccinated if you know you haven't had it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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Life is fraught with risks. It's called "living." Driving puts other innocent people at risk, too, but that's not illegal. People have to be allowed some autonomy over their own bodies and own lives. We simply cannot eliminate all risk of anything and everything. Some of us do not feel that certain vaccines are safe, or even effective, and we have the legal right to skip them. Your 1 in 1000000 chance of contracting chicken pox, and having it hurt you, during your 9 months of pregnancy, should not eliminate my right to skip a shot that could have lifetime health implications. Get over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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Let's go back to the statistics. 100 people per year die from chicken pox complications. 100. Out of over 300,000,000. Please, calm down. You have a better chance of dying from an infected paper cut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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I agree! mandatory vaccinations is crazy. chicken pox is not really a life-threatening illness (only extreme cases). some vaccinations have ingredients in them your kids can be allergic too--how is giving your kid an allergic reaction healthy. It isn't raising children to be afraid... or making them a wall flower (that one doesn't even make sense) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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Dude, if your child is allergic to an ingredient the doctor will either find an alternative or you will get a waiver from the DOE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:06 PM Flag
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it's not about that - Parents need to make informed choices - and have the right to do so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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your post was all about that! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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That's ridiculous - who says she is raising her kids to be afraid of the world. how about just letting families make INFORMED decisions. No state should mandate what we do with our bodies in anyway. I plan on vaccinating but I would much rather live where it's not a $ incentive for state mandates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:01 PM Flag
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uhm, that is correct. The state should not make decisions on what YOU are going to do with YOUR body. Totally agreed. Vaccinations and contagious illnesses, though, are way beyond your control and affect the general population. And that's where the state has all rights to jump in and tell you what to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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HPV? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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did you die from chicken pox [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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get ready - a posters dh did in recent years. Besides, in 15-20 years we are all going to find out that the vac didn't protect as well as the disease. Heck, my measles vac didn't work (along with thousands of other people my age) and we all had to get revac in college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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Exactly. It doesn't work that well, and they're finding that the people who get cp after the shot wears off get much, much sicker. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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no, but it still is a very uncomfortable illness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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So what? Having it gives you much better immunity that the vaccine actually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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Why? If you're worried about the disease, YOU get vaccinated. Then if I get it, you won't catch it anyway. How does my decision to not get vaccinated, have anything to do with you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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ew [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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yes, but your child would still spreading the virus to folks who haven't gotten the shot, yet. This is not about me. It is about taking the responsibility not to contract it and spread it around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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People have responsibilities over their own bodies. I have responsibility over mine's, and my child's. I do not have responsibility over someone else who doesn't get a shot. I shouldn't be forced to do something I feel is medically unnecessary, and untested in terms of long-term risk, just because someone else doesn't do their research and decide for themself if they need a shot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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you have social responsibilities. Just because you do not believe in something does not mean you have the right to opt out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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Oh yes you do and you should have. I am just not getting a crappy flu shot every year, forget about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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Yes, you do. That's why we live in a free country. I suggest you move to China or Cuba, you'd obviously be more happy there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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you're the one who sounds nuts and over the top. And I'm a vaxer, by the way--and you still sound nuts. Parental choice is the issue here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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Nuts? Over the top? Here at UB? Never! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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I know and it's DISGUSTING--it will never pass. Totally criminal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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Let's hope not, it is pretty insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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Yes, it is unless you get a religious or medical exemption (allergic to eggs, for example) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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No, not chicken pox or flu. Neither is required yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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From 1990 to 1994, before a vaccine was available, about 50 children and 50 adults died from chickenpox every year. Let's compare that 100 deaths to the 41,611 people killed in auto accidents in 1999. 17,000 died from slips and falls in that same year. So millions and millions of kids are going to be forced to be vaccinated, many against the wills of their parents, because of 100 deaths per year? That is statistically 0, by the way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.26.08, 10:26 AM Flag
[ - ] Potty training q's: My 2.3 yo DS is doing really well with this. He's peeing the potty and out in underwear all day, diapers only for naps/night. So, a few questions: 1) how do I get him to poop in the potty, too and 2) when do they learn to hold it? Right now he can easily pee 2-3 in a few hours. Any tips/experience appreciated. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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wait until he is older and it will come naturally to him, will come rapidly and without accidents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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what do you mean wait until he's older? He's already doing great, we haven't pushed, just wondering about next steps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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he will "learn to hold it" when he is ready. he will want to poop in the toilet when he wants, not when you want. not that difficult. you don't get golden stars for early training. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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Talk about pooping on the potty, read books about it, flush the poop from the diaper. My ds loves "Everybody Poops" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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I heard they can hold it after 2, and it takes a little while for them to learn the concept, but is he's in underwear, he will learn through his accidents. I think you're right on to train him in terms of age and these are normal questions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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My boys trained at 2.9 and 3.6. I let them do it when they were ready. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:50 AM Flag
[ - ] For those who have experienced a tragedy in the family, what was the most supportive/helpful things your friends did? What did you most appreciate, what did you resent? Need advice for helping a good friend right now. TIA 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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my bil died in a car crash at 32. Hundreds of his friends converged on my mil's house in the country for the service and it was very memorable. It helped her quite a bit. There's a limit though... aside from being there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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ok, don't say what dosen't kill you makes you stronger, don't say God has his reasons, don't say, its time you snapped out of it, don't say good things will come out of this or look for the silver lining. don't say what can I do to help. Just get in there, roll up your sleeves and find unobtrusive ways to help. Leave messages on the answering machine that say, I'm thinking of you. Or I'm running to the store and want to know if you need anything, I won't have time to visit - I'll just drop it with the doorman, OK. buy thank you notes and stamps and leave them on the door. If they are spending time in the hospital put together a basket with a journal, pen, chapstick, tampons, toothbrush, etc. Support, listen, listen, listen, be there, and if at a loss for words you can never go wrong with "I'm so sorry this is happening to you" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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Don't be one of the many people who will reach out right after the incident and then disappear for months. Call regularly, even if you feel like you are being intrusive. Don't just offer help, be specific - "I'm bringing dinner over tomorrow and would be happy to take your kids in the afternoon if you want" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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Meals (salad, entree, dessert, drinks, paper plates, plastic utensils) -- right away and then a bit later, when there was less help. Household stuff -- have cleaning help, but neighbor handled our dry cleaning (drop off and arranged for it to be delivered), shopping for things like toilet paper, dishwasher soap, etc. (things that you need, but forget about). Offers to sit in the hospital with me (even though I didn't take them up on it -- I knew who was genuine). People who remembered the dates of surgeries/tests and called with good wishes (even if I didn't speak to them -- I appreciated the calls). Personally, I wanted space (didn't want a ton of company) -- but I also wanted to feel supported. Find a way to reach out -- b/c, surprisingly, not everyone does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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death or grave illness? it's different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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infant death [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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Thats funny, I posted above and my baby died too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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and please never say, "you will have another child" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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Oh, good heavens I would never say that. I'm truly sorry for your loss, and can't imagine what you have been through. I'm at a distance from my best friend, have left her a message and have been e-mailing w/her husband. I will do whatever she needs me to. (It is actually her nephew, although I am friends w/her sister (the mom) too.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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someone actually said that to me. I was floored. I secretly hoped that her dh would die so I could respond in kind, not to worry - she would find a new husband - but came to my senses in due time :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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And write down the birthday of the child - your friend will be having a terrible day and a card from you letting her know that her child was not forgotten will be welcomed. Same with anniversary of the death. Just a simple, I'm thinkin of you today, I know its hard card [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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Okay, will make note of that. Thank you so, so much helping w/suggestions. I'm not sure what to do right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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right now, you send food. If they live far you send gc for local takeout. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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Got it. It's where I grew up, so I will call the local caterer and send it. Thank you again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag
[ - ] Can kids starting K in 2009 take the erb's in fall 2008 for the first time? I know I sound clueless, but we are zoned for 199 and thought we were totally set but are having second thoughts due to some issues and have obviously missed the spring erb. TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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erb season begins in april. you can take it over the summer. test dates are about 4 weeks out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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of course they can..the child could take them any time from now through December and still meet the deadlines. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
[ - ] FIL has pancreatic cancer, diagnosed last Nov. with mets to liver. Has been on several therapies, seen significant shrinkage in major tumor, and is now doing really well (after a scary few months with very low WBC and trips to hospital with infection). DH wants to plan a trip for him to go back to Europe (where he was born) in September. I agree that this would be good for him, but worry how he'll be doing in Sept. Anyone BTDT, have experience to share? (Yes, I know that most people with pancreatic cancer are dead before a year, many before 6mos, but we've made it this far...) 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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sounds awesome, hopefully he'll be able to go but make sure to max out the travel insurance just in case [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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That's the plan... booking through an agent to ensure best possibilities. I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed for the next 3 months! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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I hope he gets to go! Surely will be an unforgettable trip. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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good grief diagnosed last Nov? Pancreatic cancer usually takes them very soon. That is amazing! Yes go to europe by all means. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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Yes, last Nov. On GTX (very toxic, he couldn't take) for 3 aborted rounds, now just on Gemzar and stable, with shrinkage in pancreas, no further mets. Now on a new drug to help him eat (that was the worst - he's lost @ 40lbs) and he's eating like crazy, which helps his energy and overall feeling better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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I'd plan the trip. He may not be around for it but knowing it's there may also help him get there. It will be hard for you if he doesn't make it, but so wonderful if he does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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I guess its hard to think given how well he's doing that he won't be here, but I know I need to be realistic. We obviously won't go unless he is able to come too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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I hear you. My father died of cancer, and when he was diagnosed, it was inconceivable. He seemed fine. Unfortunately, he died 3 months later. I feel for your situation and wish you calm in taking things as they come. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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Sounds like a great plan. Can you book it for July? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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No, for a variety of reasons, it needs to be in Sept. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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Go for it. Cross your fingers. My MIL and FIL booked a trip to Europe shortly after she was in remission from a huge brain tumor. Nobody was sure she would be ok for it, but they went, had a great time, and that was a year or two ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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. . . and she's still traveling (against all odds) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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That's great! I am hoping it will be something for them to look forward to. The past 6 months have been SO hard, but the past few weeks have been much much better. They're both seeing a good psychiatrist and he's able to eat, which makes a HUGE difference [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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Wow - that's fantastic! Best of luck!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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Thanks. I'm just hopeful he'll still be doing this well in Sept, don't know how realistic this is. They're at the hospital today for treatment, and they're going to ask their doctor about it too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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I have direct experience with this dreaded disease...I am happy you are on a positive upsweep on the rollercoaster that pancreatic cancer brings...unfortunately I believe he will have passed by Sept...if it makes your DH feel better then by all means book it...they can talk about it/provide hope etc...but I think he will not be getting on a plane then...the weight loss/vomiting gets dramatically worse and I hope and pray you cna help your dh get through it...unfortunately he will be a skeleton by the end of this...good luck with the gemzar and I wish you and your family the best...I'm sure you already know this but pancan.org and lustgarden foundation are great resources...I'm so sorry if this sounds negative but I sometimes wish we as a family were given more realistic ideas about the finality of this dreaded diagnosis.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 06:22 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone have an au pair? What are the "real" costs, IYE? Au Pair in America says $300/mo. for 40 hrs. but there will also be food, gas, etc. I'm looking for a realistic amount. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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You should check out www.AuPairMom.com-- there is a post there that breaks out the fixed, variable and implicit costs of having an au pair-- eye opening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.23.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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plus the fact that an Au Pair is by no means the same thing as a discount nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.23.08, 06:56 AM Flag
[ - ] Is a PALI crib worth getting? I'm prepping the nursery for DS#2 due in september, and I'm debating on whether to shell out the cash for a PALI crib or to buy a different brand at half the cost. Would appreciate any advice / suggestions! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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it's all in how much you want to spend. you can get a perfectly safe and functional crib for less than 200 bucks, or you can spend thousands. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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get the crib you want. I bought a Stokke, and dh and I agree it was worth every penny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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I bought a Pali crib and totally regret it. I would have been just as happy, if not happier, with an Ikea crib. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:50 AM Flag
[ - ] what do you love/hate about your nanny? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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love that she is organized and generally on time, reliable and hard-working. hate that she does not answer me honestly about how she deals with the kids at times and actually seems to be in denial to herself with how convinced she is of her answers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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op: we have the same denial issue with ours. also, she engages in all these nanny wars and then denies it and doesn't talk about us favorably to other nannies. if she takes good care of our son but does all this other stuff, do you think that's a reason to fire her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:44 AM Flag
[ - ] Just wanted to share: individual therapy 2x / month has really made a difference in my life, my marriage and who I am as a mom 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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ITA. Weekly therapy while I was pregnant was wonderful! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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I love therapy there is just no downside to it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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going today at 4:45 and looking forward to it. good for you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
[ - ] just got the call from ps41. we're in! (parade-rainers need not respond.) 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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congrats! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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why is PS41 so much more popular than PS3 despite the fact that both do a great job educating children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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PS3 too progressive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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progressive in what way? Is it similar to the progressive schools in D1 (Earth School etc.)> [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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arts-based curriculum, mixed-age classrooms, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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yes. extremely progressive in approach [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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41 is whiter, richer and has a modern building - PS3 has an old building, divesity and a progressive curriculum with mixed age classes that turn people off. In a nutshell [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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ps3 will be much whiter and richer going forward. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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that wasn't the question I was answering. And yes, it will because of all of the 41 rejects - unless they end up going private. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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it's because they can no longer take dcs from outside of the zone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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and because the zoned minorities tended to go to 3 instead of 41. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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eh. i know asian-americans at 41, and the truth is 3 will be really, really white as compared to past years. this was addressed on the tour i was on in the fall. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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They sat you down on the tour and told you the school was getting whiter? Really? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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someone raised their hand and asked why every face but one in the room was white. the principal said that while they are very committed to diversity, their hands are tied. they have to take who lives in the zone and that's mostly white people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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I know, it sucks, they served a population not everyone wants to serve and they did a good job of it. doe can screw up anything if you give em time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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i'm pointing out that the rich/white reason for choosing ps41 is essentially moot at this point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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PS3 is more progressive than 41 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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agree 3 is a great school, but more progressive and it seems most parents want a more traditional approach. also, some are turned off by mixed-age classrooms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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thank goodness they are finally telling!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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New to all this - where is 41? assuming its same district as 3? and why if it is a public school do you need to "get in" (I know about Anderson and NEST but not all these others)... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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it's in the west village, as is 3. this year was the first year a lottery was used rather than parents choosing between the two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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I see. But if you live in district you're guaranteed to go to one or the other? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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its zone not district. how old is your child? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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My eldest is 3 but we just relocated to NYC after living abroad for 6 years. Thanks for the friendly welcome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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Lots of talk about 41 vs 3. I have 2 kids at 41 and love it. 3 seemed too chaotic. A lot of kids with "no boundaries" gravitate towards 3. 41 is more disciplined. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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are you still on? what do you love about 41? it seems to get bashed a lot here and we live in the zone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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nowadays there is nothing guaranteed anymore. if a zoned school is extremely over capacity it can turn you down and the DOE is going to send your child to the next closest school that still has room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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sorry, mispost. it used to be if you lived in the zone you were automatically in at the zoned school, but things are changing. doe has a loophole, which is that k is not required, so they don't have to guarantee you a seat anywhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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for K. They are not yet turning people away for first either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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why do you call this a loophole? K is optional. Period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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np probably because she is zoned for 234 and she's pissed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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it's an option that many feel their tax dollars entitle them to. no reason to jump down my throat. i'm just pointing it out. and no, i'm not zoned for 234. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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At this point in time yes. No D2 school has turned students away "yet". 234 is suggesting they will for K, but K is not required in NYC [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:30 AM Flag
[ - ] Is it normal to have some cramping when you're pregnant (early like 5 weeks)? Feel like I have cramps but don't have period because I am pregnant? Normal? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 06.25.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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yes, gets worse with each pregnancy too ime [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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does a previous c/s make it worse? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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not sure [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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well thanks, I will chalk it up to this being my second then [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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yes- for first 8 weeks or so I constantly was checking to see if I had gotten my period. The cramps feel exactly the same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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ok. i just don't remember this the last time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:17 AM Flag
[ - ] my dad's dog was old, sick with terrible quality of life (blind, deaf, unable to walk, incontinent). After much agonizing they put him to sleep. MIL is similarly ill (incurable cancer, riddled with mets, unable to pee or poop, doesnt get out of bed.) 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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It is very sad in this country that we can do more to help our animals than ourselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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^it's strange how we treat the death of pets more 'humanely' than the death of our humans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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yep. sad. unless you live in oregon I guess... hopefully other states will follow [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:18 AM Flag
[ - ] If a babysitter is going to take DD to the Aquarium next week, will she get in easily using my WCS membership card (we have a Family Membership for two adults and one child)? I'll give her cash too but I was just wondering if they will let her go with my card. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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Should be fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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we have to show photo ID with our membership cards, not sure what they do at your aquarium, but if it's the same she will have a hard time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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OP: I guess the answer to that is sometimes they check ID, sometimes they don't. All we can do is try. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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should be fine, I think sometimes my dh hands a cc with his name on it along with the membership but they usually hand it back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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