UrbanBaby

06.25.08, 11:21 AM General Topics
14 replies

For those who have experienced a tragedy in the family, what was the most supportive/helpful things your friends did? What did you most appreciate, what did you resent? Need advice for helping a good friend right now. TIA [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.25.08, 11:21 AM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

my bil died in a car crash at 32. Hundreds of his friends converged on my mil's house in the country for the service and it was very memorable. It helped her quite a bit. There's a limit though... aside from being there. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:25 AM Flag

ok, don't say what dosen't kill you makes you stronger, don't say God has his reasons, don't say, its time you snapped out of it, don't say good things will come out of this or look for the silver lining. don't say what can I do to help. Just get in there, roll up your sleeves and find unobtrusive ways to help. Leave messages on the answering machine that say, I'm thinking of you. Or I'm running to the store and want to know if you need anything, I won't have time to visit - I'll just drop it with the doorman, OK. buy thank you notes and stamps and leave them on the door. If they are spending time in the hospital put together a basket with a journal, pen, chapstick, tampons, toothbrush, etc. Support, listen, listen, listen, be there, and if at a loss for words you can never go wrong with "I'm so sorry this is happening to you" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:25 AM Flag

Don't be one of the many people who will reach out right after the incident and then disappear for months. Call regularly, even if you feel like you are being intrusive. Don't just offer help, be specific - "I'm bringing dinner over tomorrow and would be happy to take your kids in the afternoon if you want" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag

Meals (salad, entree, dessert, drinks, paper plates, plastic utensils) -- right away and then a bit later, when there was less help. Household stuff -- have cleaning help, but neighbor handled our dry cleaning (drop off and arranged for it to be delivered), shopping for things like toilet paper, dishwasher soap, etc. (things that you need, but forget about). Offers to sit in the hospital with me (even though I didn't take them up on it -- I knew who was genuine). People who remembered the dates of surgeries/tests and called with good wishes (even if I didn't speak to them -- I appreciated the calls). Personally, I wanted space (didn't want a ton of company) -- but I also wanted to feel supported. Find a way to reach out -- b/c, surprisingly, not everyone does. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:27 AM Flag

death or grave illness? it's different [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag

infant death [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:35 AM Flag

Thats funny, I posted above and my baby died too. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:37 AM Flag

and please never say, "you will have another child" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:38 AM Flag

Oh, good heavens I would never say that. I'm truly sorry for your loss, and can't imagine what you have been through. I'm at a distance from my best friend, have left her a message and have been e-mailing w/her husband. I will do whatever she needs me to. (It is actually her nephew, although I am friends w/her sister (the mom) too.) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag

someone actually said that to me. I was floored. I secretly hoped that her dh would die so I could respond in kind, not to worry - she would find a new husband - but came to my senses in due time :) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:43 AM Flag

And write down the birthday of the child - your friend will be having a terrible day and a card from you letting her know that her child was not forgotten will be welcomed. Same with anniversary of the death. Just a simple, I'm thinkin of you today, I know its hard card [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag

Okay, will make note of that. Thank you so, so much helping w/suggestions. I'm not sure what to do right now. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:40 AM Flag

right now, you send food. If they live far you send gc for local takeout. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:44 AM Flag

Got it. It's where I grew up, so I will call the local caterer and send it. Thank you again. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 06.25.08, 11:48 AM Flag