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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] DS starts camp tomorrow and is taking the bus for the first time. I am afraid i am going to be a mess when he leaves. I need some valium!! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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Yup, my DS went for the first time last Tuesday (I wasn't ready to send him on Monday, the real first day). I waited until bus pulled away before crying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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i cry when i even talk to someone about it! How old is your ds? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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6 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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I never understood why people send their kids to camp. So sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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So horribly sad to give their kids time to explore and learn some independence. Really, what could op be thinking? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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why sad? I went when I was 13 and had the time of my life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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day camp or sleepaway camp? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:44 AM Flag
[ - ] can anyone reccomemend a good freeware art program (drawing, etc.) for kdis that i can download? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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Tux Paint (I think its tuxpaint.com but Google if not). Amazing program - kept my DS busy for days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:12 AM Flag
[ - ] hi, i posted the other day about my dh having an affair and it seems that we are headed for divorce after talking for hours last night. i am curious about what the next step is - should we file for a legal separation or can we just get the divorce going? i have so many questions and i have not decided on a lawyer or anything bc this is all happening too fast. just need some advice from those that have gone through a divorce before. 92 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.29.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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I'm sorry. Don't have experience, but get a lawyer fast. I cannot believe he actually thinks he has a future with the freaking babysitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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np ITA! Ouch! The babysitter? That is so idiotically stereotypical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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yeah and op's babysitter was more of a nanny it seems - a 21 year old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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yikes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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yeah, i need to find one but i havent even processed yet. it is happening faster than i can comprehend and now i am going to have to talk to the kids about what is really going on. my dh wants to start getting his things from the house soon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Please protect yourself even though you are in shock. You will regret later it if you and the kids are not protected. I think you should tell them the truth - that you are separating but you love them very much. Don't get into the details. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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ITA and it might be better (if you can deal with it) for you and DH to tell them together so that you can both answer questions and assure them that you both love them. Very sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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yeah, he was very insistent that he be there and we tell them together, which we plan on doing later today. i am terrified of their reactions, they are so young. i barely even understand, so i dont know how they will. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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how old are they? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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6, 3 and 2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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ugh. I'm so sorry. That would be so hard. No advice since I havent' been through it but GL to you. Maybe get some books about talking to kids about divorce. I'm sure there are some good ones out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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he really needs to be there when you tell them. It should not be just you under any circumstances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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Separate first. Neither of you are in a position to divorce now. He needs 6 months to understand what he has done and you need 6 months to get everything lined up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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oh i think they are both in the position to divorce - this guy had a year long relationship with another woman in op's home! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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No - he had a few clandestine, forbidden quickies with a virtual teenager. When the financial repercussions hit the wall along with the loss of his kids, etc. he will feel differently. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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from her post yesterday though, these weren't quickies - it went on for a year and i assume she and dh discussed the relationship in length when they talked about the divorce [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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np too bad. OP should drop him like a hot potato! Who cares what he thinks or feels after that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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ita - he can go have some kids with his jailbait then she will cut him dry and eat all his money [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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3 kids is why OP should care. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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so she should let a man who sleeps with the caretaker of her children for a year and asks for a divorce once she catches him just waltz back into her life? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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look - I'm a huge advocate of working on a marriage and sometimes even staying if things aren't perfect for the kids. This situation is ridiculous though! He slept with the nanny in OP's house. He risked his family, not her. She should not put up with that! It's sad for the kids, but better for them to see their mom stand up for herself than to just take whatever this guy dishes out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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why is he going for the nanny? i can't belive this guy. she must be pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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Hey she is a piece of hot young ass - she will be fascinating for 6 months and then he will get tired of going to parties with her friends and pre-gaming in their parents basement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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unless OR is right and she is pregnant - then this hot young piece of ass is going to be a tubby young piece of ass that he will be forever tied to now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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why do you assume tubby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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most pregnant women do gain weight [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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exactly - and imagine a 21 year old nanny getting knocked up - i bet she'll be the most miserable pregnant lady - she will drive him crazy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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I want to know what the DW did to drive the DH into the arms of the nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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who said she did anything? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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np: Oh, yes. It must be all OP's fault that her DH not only broke their marriage vows but had sex with the nanny, in their house, with their kids there. All OP's fault. You misogynistic horror. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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ita - no dh has an affair for a year if his wife is doing everything right [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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np: What does "everything right" entail in your world? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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yikes! Have you never had anyone do something bad to you before? Some people are just unthinking mean idiots and do bad things. I'm sure OP is not perfect but I don't think anyone deserves this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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OP: listen, i know i am not perfect, but our marriage was strong i thought, the only real issue we ever faced was that he wanted to try for a fourth child right after i gave birth to our third. i told him i might be open to having one more, but i would rather wait a bit so there was more of an age gap between our kids for many reasons - especially having to put four kids through college so close to each other. after we had a long talk about the reasons i wanted to wait, things were fine again. he was always a wonderful father and enver showed any signs of being unhappy and never spoke of anything bothering him so much that he would leave me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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please ignore this idiot. There is an especially evil troll on today. No one here blames you for this at all. She has been stalking the board and making mean comments for the last hour or so. I'm sorry you are in this mess. Do what you have to to protect yourself and your kids and send his sorry ass out the door. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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you have all been so helpful, really. i haven't told anyone about this yet so it is good to atleast have somewhere to get my frustrations out until i am ready to talk to someone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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GL to you. I think you probably should call a divorce lawyer and get some basic info about what happens next. Again, I'm very sorry this happened to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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OP, you do not have to defend yourself against this nasty and bitter person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:17 PM Flag
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yeah bad things - but not having a passionate affair with another woman for a year - that isn't something you just do on a whim [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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do shut up. You know nothing of her situation and are just being mean for no reason. His lying and cheating are NOT her fault. She trusted her DH. Is that a bad thing? I think not. Bow go crawl back into your hole [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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i am not being mean, i am just saying what you are all too afraid to say [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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not true. I don't agree with you. I have been fooled and lied to before in life and never saw it coming. It happens and this is not her fault. You are just trying to hurt someone who is obviously already in a great deal of pain. Well played [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:55 AM Flag
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I totally agree. I wish that this troll would go away. It is usually so friendly around here. Honestly, who would lash out at someone that is going through what op is? I can't imagine being that mean spirited. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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yet there are many like that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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well - I must admit that I often like the trolls. They can be pretty funny sometimes, but when someone is hurting, it's just mean. I like to pick on people who are whining about stupid things - not real life upheavals. I feel for OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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there's a difference between being funny to a stupid post, and being just plain nasty and mean. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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yep. ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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not here lately, thank god. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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I have been on UB more years than I care to ponder, but that was the meanest comment I have ever read. You should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously. You should get off line now and ponder how you became such an unkind and vicious person. If you have a religious figure in your life, go talk to that person. Your comment was beyond the pale. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:16 PM Flag
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i am pretty sure she is gone bc we havent read a nasty comment in a good 15 minutes, phew [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:17 PM Flag
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thank you Church Lady [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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I'm really thinking Combatant, Offensive, Ignorant Poster, that you either ARE or have been that nanny-or are her confused friend or relation. Stop posting crap that will karmically jump up to bite you in the ass, you Ninny. Dear OP- That prick is SO f*ed up that I'm praying you get your legal counsel retained by tomorrow-Latest- and immediately get a therapist referral for your self before you get crazy. Good Luck with getting that piece of work out of your home. Your kids and you really need that right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 04:08 PM Flag
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np: ITD. You really are an idiot. I don't usually call people names but my god, woman, you need to chill on this. My hunch is that someday you'll learn the hard way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:01 AM Flag
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You are misguided, to put it mildly. That's the biggest myth in the world -- that an affair is proof that the wife did something wrong. Talk about blame the victim! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 03:58 AM Flag
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pure evil, your post. you should hang your head in shame. i feel sorry for every member of your family, to be saddled with a judgmental, cruel hideous soul like yours [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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divorce atty here (not in ny)-if you are certain there is no chance of getting back together i would file for divorce first and move for a temporary order for child support/custody to protect yourself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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Isn't this all happening really fast? Wouldn't it be easier on the kids if she got legal advice, they separated, and let the dust settle a bit? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:04 AM Flag
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can you tell us any details of the conversation you and dh had? about the future of your relationship, kids, what went on with him and the nanny? it might help us to help you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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well, there was a lot of ground covered. he stated that he wanted the kids atleast 3 days a week once he moves into a new place until we have custody set up. he said that as much as he wishes our marriage were something that could be repaired, it just wasn't in him and the end has been inevitable for far too long. he told me that he just didn't see a future for us, that we had both grown and changed and that it was too important to him to have more children etc etc etc etc. i asked him the intimate details of the year they were together because as much as it pained me, i needed to know every last detal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:13 PM Flag
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he wants to divorce you because you want start ttc immediately after giving birth to your last child? you must be kidding me. i just see a midlife crisis here - going for a hot young fertile girl to restart his life as if he were 25 again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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did they ever sleep together in your marital bed? how did they go about this - shouldn't dh have been at work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:15 PM Flag
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he said that they never slept in our bed because he didn't want to disrespect it which is where i started to scream at him. he said they would typically do it in the shower or the pool or the guest room or his home office because they were private from the kids. it just sickens me that they were doing this everyday. he would stop home during his lunch breaks or while i was out of the house. i paid this girl to sleep wth my husband basically. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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so not only is she a homewrecking whore, she's an irresponsible babysitter. who the fuck was watching those very young kids while they were going at it? Thank god nothing serious happened to the kids! Please bring this up when you ask for custody -- that he would put the kids in unsupervised danger just for sex. For pete's sake, my kids are about that age and it's almost impossible for dh and i to find time for sex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 03:47 PM Flag
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how did they initially start their relationship? she must have been 20 when this began right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:16 PM Flag
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yeah, it started when she was 20, he said that he came home early from work late one night when i was out of town for the weekend at a teacher's conference. the kids were asleep and he offered to order dinner for her since she stayed later than planned. the two of them talked and realized they had a lot in common, they ate dinner and she stayed there afterwards, they flirted with each other and he kissed her, they took off their clothes and they had sex all that night in our guest room and they continued together the entire time i was gone. that is how they met. i forced him to give me every part of the story bc he just kept telling me it wasnt something i needed to know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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I bet that was the only time they really talked. It is just his excuse for why it happened. If it had been about anything but the sex, he would have come clean about this before and left for her. I can't imagine if she thought they had a real connection that she wasn't asking him constantly when he was going to leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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I kinda agree with him. You really don't need to know all the details. It's just rubbing salt in your wounds. Maybe other people who've BTDT have a different opinion? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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i have btdt and it just eased my mind to know everything - i wanted to know every piece of the puzzle - why eh was leaving me, and also part of the reason my ex didnt want to talk about it was bc the more he spoke the worse it made him sound - plus incse the divorce gets nasty you would rather know ahead of time than hear it in the courts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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ita - coming from the other side, being the one who had the affair - i did not want to tell my dh bc it made me feel like scum, i did not want to tell him for my own selfish reasons, but i told him he would only be in pain if he had to hear the sordid details bc i needed a cover [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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OK, OR retracts her uninformed advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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ouch. What a jerk. He really wants more than 3 kids? I could maybe understand if you had none or 1, but I've never heard that with 3. Does he think that he's going to be with nanny? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:16 PM Flag
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yes, he ideally would love to have 6 kids, he comes from a big family and really loves kids, he always wanted a house full of little feet and i told him i would definitely consider 4, but i couldn't handle more than that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:29 PM Flag
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He is not in a position to make demands. He should instead be making amends. OP, PLEASE, call a divorce att'y first thing Monday morning. UBers, can you give OP a referral? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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Ita! He sounds like he has thought about and is already moving on the divorce proceedings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:20 PM Flag
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It sounds like he is only thinking about himself and how to meet his needs. OP needs to move fast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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i am definitely going to make calls on monday, i needed the weekend to breathe [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:24 PM Flag
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good. I'm glad that you had the weekend to collect yourself, but I'm really glad that you're going to move on this. I was worried for you, because so many women screw themselves by not seeking advice as soon as possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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OP, BEST wishes to you and your children. I had a friend who was a divorce attorney, and when I asked him why, he said because it was spending time with people who had to really figure themselves out. So, I hope you find this painful time an opportunity for renewal. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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and call every single great atty you can call for a consultation so that they cannot take your husband's case. Get to every big hitter and shark there is ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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op - you actually managed to make me laugh! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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I would have never thought of that! Brilliant advice! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:37 PM Flag
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I have to say that it is perhaps one of the WISEST things a woman can do. Do not for a minute think that the man who did this will not stoop to the lowest levels to keep all that he feels is his. It is a very important thing to do and I believe many other attys would tell you the same. make all those calls, go to all of those meetings, and do it quickly. Call around and ask which attys out there have the reputation for going all out and getting huge settlements for their clients and get them on the phone ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:40 PM Flag
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yep, there was an episode of the Sopranos where Tony did this to screw over Carmela. I say go for it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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it's hard ball, but - to make an obvious joke - he's been playing with his balls for a long time now ! Let her put his in a vice if she can ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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op - i definitely will be doing that. i am starting to move on from depression to vengeance, which maybe isnt the healthiest, but i jsut want to bring him down, i am starting to just get angry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:59 PM Flag
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go you avenger, you ! Take care of yourself in everyway that you can, and assuring yourself the best Post-Marriage situation is good. Screwing the nanny on the guest house my ass ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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You go girl. Take everything from this ass! A 21 YEAR OLD NANNY? He should be in jail. Like hell is he getting three days a week with the kids. I'm thinking a weekend a month...at most. He can go fuck 20 year old girls on the other weekends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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ITA. What a fucker. He wants a family of 6? He just lost his family of 3 kids. How can a kid ever respect a father who does this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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This is what I'm thinking too -- your husband is Not In His Right Mind. In the world of affair-talk, he's in the "fog." I think you're right to walk away without looking back, and to fight for everything you can get in terms of the best deal for you and your children. The man is temporarily insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:10 AM Flag
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^^Seems to me that the tricky part is going to be dealing with his custody when Ho-nanny is still in the picture. Lawyers, is he likely to be allowed to have her with him when he has the kids after what they've admittedly done together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:12 AM Flag
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the nanny is a ho. your dh is a prick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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i am sorry for what is happening to you family, but i belive that there [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 08:38 PM Flag
[ - ] my 8mo's favorite toys are an empty plastic poland spring bottle and an almost empty tube of sensidyne toothpaste. she teethes & gums both forever. but i wonder--could either of them not be so good for her? they're always in her mouth. tia 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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My 9mo is into water bottles too. I'm not worried about him playing with them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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I wouldn't want her eating the Sensodyne. Can you really squeeze it out? All the babies LOVE the water bottles. I'm sure it's fine. Another great baby "toy": Oxo whisk. It has a big rubber handle that is a delight to chew on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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My DS was obsessed with water bottles, too. However, I found out that plastics made out of no. 1 platic is only good for one use because it can degrade. So, I wouldn't let him play with it for too long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:58 PM Flag
[ - ] should i be brushing or swabbing my 8mo's 2 little teeth? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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it's never too early to start taking care of the teeth. i used to use gauze to wipe down with warm water. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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ita - a quick wipe over with a cloth is fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:06 PM Flag
[ - ] is it okay to bring a nursing baby to a day time wedding even though my dh and i were the only ones listed on the invitation? 50 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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absolutely not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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how old? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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4mo. it's in nj and i live in brooklyn and my db isn't taking bottles right now. don't know what to do. don't feel comfortable leaving him at home for that long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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++with a sitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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You could stay home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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op: yeah, that's what i'm thinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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I stayed home in a similar situation. DB had colic anyway so I doubted he'd sit through the ceremony. I was sorry to miss it, but there you go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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you stay home, einstein [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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is that really necessary? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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can you call and ask? Some people are fine with it and others not so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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np: I think it's really awkward for the bride to even ask. They know you have a 4mo, if they wanted the baby their, they would have invited. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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not always. I have gotten invitations addressed to me and DH and not brought DD. Then every one asks where she is. I agree that it could be awkward to ask the bride, maybe the mother of the bride or a bridesmaid etc could answer it. People are not always clear about this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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NNP: I disagree. When I was planning my wedding, I wasn't thinking this far ahead. I had the envelopes done ahead of time and might not have had DB's name. Would not have cared if a guest had asked me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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op: can't decide if it's appropriate to call. she's probably busy. i know she's into kids, but not sure if other kids will be at the wedding... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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Email? When's the wedding? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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it's 7/19 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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np: Plenty of time to get DB to start taking bottles (you'll be grateful he does even if you skip the wedding). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Ita... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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do you know a bridesmaid or soemone else who could answer? I agree with above poster who said it might put the bride on the spot [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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I'd ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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op: this is just for the service, not the reception -- probably not going to that at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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but if they are taping the service, it makes a ton of sense not to invite children. one crying baby ruins the whole thing. I don't think that it is fair to ask that of the bride unless you are really close. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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you're prob right. this is my dh's friend, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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Then DH could ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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DH should be the one to ask if it is his friend. Maybe he can start out by asking if other kids are coming. That way if answer is no, or only family, then you have you answer without directly asking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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she could sit in the back and be ready to get up and leave. Also she could try to time it so that DB is fed and sleepy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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she cannot bring dc unless she asks. Showing up without asking is unforgivably rude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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ITA, I'm just saying there are things that can be done to ensure that db does not disrupt things - after she asks. Even if the bride says bring DB, you dont want to be a pest [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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sorry, it looked like op didn't want to ask, and I thought that you were backing her up. From her initial post, she was asking if it was ok to just go ahead and do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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NP: Not the same thing at all, but when I got married, as I was walking down the aisle, I noticed someone had brought their kids (without their having been invited), and I spent a lot of my ceremony wondering where the kids were going to sit. I think it's rude not to at least ask the bride first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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^^Wondering where they would sit for the reception [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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as I said above, I'm not advocating bringing DB without asking. Just saying it doesn't always have to be disrutptive. Not to mention that a 4 month old won't need a seat at the reception anyway ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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Well I feel bad for you for being so negative that you would allow this to occupy you during your marriage ceremony. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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np: Oh shove it. It can be a nervous time (I was shaking as I walked down the aisle), so OR didn't need yet another thing to worry about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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np LOL! I was freaking out that my flowers weren't set up perfectly. We all worry about soemthing stupid - most of us anyway [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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sad [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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NNP: Sadder than someone being rude to a stranger on a message board? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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LOL! Why sad? I was nervous. I worried about details - wanting everything to be perfect. Most brides are like that hon. I'm glad you are so evolved that you were able to concentrate on the sacred nature of the occasion and not on the appetizers. Most of us are not as perfect as you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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oh good grief. don't you have anything better to do than pick on strangers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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You know, when you scrimp and save for a wedding reception, 2 unexpected guests are a big deal. Didn't ruin the day (or the ceremony for that matter), but I wish I hadn't had to think about it. I feel bad for you that you are incapable of understanding that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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I wish you had the grace not to let yourself think about it either. So so petty. I couldn't be bothered wasting 2 seconds of my life over a couple of plates of chicken. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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Spoken like someone whose daddy paid for her wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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LMAO! So true! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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np: LOL, you calling someone else petty! Do you remember where you are, and what you are doing right now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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I feel bad that you're so negative that you have to be nasty on a chat room because you have no friends left [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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op: thank you all for your advice. I think I'm just going to send my dh to this wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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Sounds good--have him bring you back some cake! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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of course not, you jackass! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 06:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Need medical advice: Why would an 8mth old have a fever for 2 weeks? He had a blood test last week. Nothing. He had a lung x-ray friday and they found a little reactive airway disease (no surprise since he had RSV a few months ago) and possibly early stages of pneumonia. Ped gave us antibiotic, started friday and still has fever today. WHAT ARE WE MISSING? No ear infection or UTI. I'm waiting to talk to ped again on Monday but really want a second opinion w/out dropping my ped completely first. Any thoughts? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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How high is the fever? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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Low. 99 to 101. His standard should be 98.5. I did see that a symptom of pneumonia is a low grade fever, but like I said I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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Honestly could be teething. Could be a viral infection of some kind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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Thanks, I really hope so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Does he seem sick, or just the fever? That's not a very high fever. What else concerns you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:40 PM Flag
[ - ] I stopped offering seats to pregnant women on the bus adn subway b/c 2 tmies I have and the woman got all bent and it turned out she was just some fat sow with a big belly. Not happening again. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.29.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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I have stopped holding doors open for women with big strollers coming in and out because they never, ever say thank you. Just march on by like I was hired to serve them. figure they can fend for themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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I always say thank you, but I can count on one hand the number of times people have held doors for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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ITTTTA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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I am always grateful for people holding open doors for me... but it doesn't happen very often. I usually just struggle with my son's stroller. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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I never offer my seat to a pregnant woman. Big deal. She's got a bun in the oven. Who's fault is that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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so mean! i have a long ride on the subway to work. it's hard to stand for a long time! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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why is this on the schools board? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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I was on the bus when a woman started bitching that no one was giving her a seat although she was pregnant. I thought she was just fat. It's hard to tell these days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:55 AM Flag
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preg or fat or disabled or old or just someone with a lot of baggage, if i'm in better shape than someone who needs a seat i give mine up (most of the time). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:25 PM Flag
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I'm an "apple". I have been offered so many seats when not pregnant that I want to cry. A woman almost got in a fight with another woman who took a seat in front of me....thinking I was pg. Pondering lipo. I just carry weight in my middle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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OR- I give my seat up for elderly all the time. They seem to be thankful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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score another one for NYC being the most narcissistic place on earth... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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when I was pregnant, I did not feel especially tired or unable to stand. I sometimes wished for a seat, as I do when not pregnant. But I didn't want it because i was pregnant. I mean, you would have to be really ou of shape or old to require a seat wwhen pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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have you ever been 8 -9 months prego? What doeds it have to do with being out of shape. There is swollen feet, Hormones making you feel tired, A weight that is not centered which carries a 5-6 pound child, amniotic fluid, extra blood. Prego ladies need a seat! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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yes, twice. just didn't feel like a big deal. being in shape helps a lot, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 03:17 AM Flag
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I'm so glad I didn't have to ride the subway when I was 9 months pregnant (was pg in another city). I was so huge and miserable I would have just sat in someone's lap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 09:03 PM Flag
[ - ] i am looking for a cute store somewhere around east 22 that i can get to quick - need to pick up a gift for my sister's new baby and his 4y brother - i also got my sister some bath accessories for herself, so i figure i should get a little daddy gift since everyone else will get soething - any ideas? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.29.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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isn't lil folks on 23rd and park? and I think there is a bath and body works near there too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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what is lil folks? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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Homefront Kids onE. 29th street for baby and 4 yo, Cosmic Comics on 23rd for Dad (and 4 yo), Space Kiddets on E. 22th for baby and brother [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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A Playboy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:31 PM Flag
[ - ] So we told our kids if they screamed in the car onw more time they were not going to the pool (the 6 yr old was the ring leader in obnoxious behaviro for the previosu 2 hours). and so the 6 yr old screamed so we turned around and he and I got out of the car and DH took the 3 yr old to the pool. 6 yr old screaming and rying but starting to clam down. Take to pool later (missing 1 hour and having bro have more pool time punishment rnough) or don't let him go for the rest of the day? ruined my day two, i should add, as I was looking forward to some fun family time before it is back to work tommorrow. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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Sucks that the day is ruined - but you have to follow through with the punishment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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OP - sorry for all the typos - touch typing skills are rusty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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probably fine this time. If it happens again though, you might have to say no pool at all. This might be enough to make an impression though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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so -we have 1 yes and 1 no - so far [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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don't let him go today. You set a rule you have to follow it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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1 yes and 2 no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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if you give in, you are setting a pattern. Be proud of yourself for sticking to your guns. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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OP - so it is settled we don't go. maybe i can read the paper! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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good for you! Sorry that your day was ruined. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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no pool for the rest of the day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
[ - ] PS 261 or BNS? Which do you like better, and why? TIA. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.29.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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We are very happy at 261, with the exception of the crowded classrooms (class sizes have got much bigger since Zipp took over). BNS was not for my DS because it was not structured enough - it would be great for a child with a lot of initiative and focus though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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^^We really love the academic approach they use - it's holistic and thematic, so kids are shown how different subjects are related to one another. Also helps them put extra effort in areas they struggle with, because they are excited about the subject already. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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261. I toured both and found BNS to be really chaotic. Plus that story about them leaving K students on a subway platform scares the hell out of me. I loved the nurturing feeling at 261. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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OR above: I agree. It is a testament to Zipp how she can make a school with 800 kids seem so personal. And we have had the most amazing teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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OP: Thanks for the thoughtful responses! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:15 PM Flag
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no question -- PS 261. It's the best kept secret in Brooklyn! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 04:51 AM Flag
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hated 261. the best kept secret full of discipline problems. you can have our spot, we're not returning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.30.08, 10:22 AM Flag
[ - ] When can I start using the ergo without the infant insert? Dd is 15wo and petite... 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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have been using it without it since dd was 9 months [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:23 AM Flag
[ - ] any russian moms on? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:21 AM Flag
[ - ] i am getting married for the first time and my fiancé is quite a bit older than me and has two older sons and an older daughter - his sons have warmed up to me, but his daughter has not. she is civil to me, but i know she is not happy about this and i don't know what to do about it. i do not want her to feel that her family is being destroyed and i do not want to ruin her relationship with her father, but i am in love with him and he and i have been together for quite some time and have a dd. do you think she will eventually have a change of heart? i feel terrible about this 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.29.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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did your fiance leave his dw for you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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no absolutely not - he and his ex have been divorced for 11 years [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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oh, well until now have he and his ex remained unmarried? this might just be the final nail in the coffin to show her that her parents aren't going to get back together [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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no her mother remarried 8 years ago [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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well then, beats me, perhaps she was just closer with her father and was hoping that he would stay single and keep focus on her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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I really doubt that this has much to do with her relationship with her dad or with you and has way more to do with the age difference and the fact that her father gets to start a new family by marrying a much younger women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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yeah, she probably realizes that your marriage isnt going to last since you could be df's daughter and is already anticipating the bitter divorce [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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now that's just not called for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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it is the truth though, do you really think this girl is going to stay married to a man she could call daddy? please, once the thrill is gone she will be out of there for a young guy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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do you always think in such stereotypes? NP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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it is true though - come on - the age gap wont workl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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oh you are right. People with large age gaps NEVER EVER stay married. Sheesh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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well come on - you are all telling that woman with the cheating dh that he wont last with the nanny bc she is younger, why is this different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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oh come on you jknow that isnt the same as dating and getting married and having a child together [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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because he wasn't cheating, has been divorced for 11 years, and has been with her for 4. Certainly not the same thing as sneaking around for a year breaking trusts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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but the age gap is still there - both husbands are going for twenty-somethings - age gap is even bigger for this op, as oppsed to the nanny and dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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My issue w/ dh and nanny is cheating for a year. Obviously, they both have the morals of a roach. So no, that does not speak very highly of their abilities to have a real relationship. The age difference is probably not ideal (in my mind), but this is not at all the same situation as nanny story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:57 AM Flag
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Not to mention op and df have a real relationship and been through a lot together; nanny and dh never have, they've been sneaking around which is not real. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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ITA. Someone has some issues herself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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she makes a good point, though in a negative way [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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not really. Sure - half of marriages end in divorce so I guess you could say that about anyone who is getting married. Who is to say if this one will last or not? She is being really negative and mean for no reason other than I think she has some issues with the situation that have nothing to do with OP (who sounds like a very nice caring person BTW) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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her dh probably left her for a young girl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:07 PM Flag
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that is not true - i am 36 and my dh is 55 - we have been married for 17 years and have three gorgeous children together. my step-son is now 28 years old and though it took him 4 or 5 years of our marriage before he finally warmed up completely, he is like a son to me and we are one big happy blended family through thick and thin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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I think that the best advice is to give her as much space and time as possible. Most likely she will warm up eventually, but there is nothing you can do to rush it. How long have you been together and how old is step-dd? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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we have been together for three years - she is 21 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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*four years sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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Oh... since you posted in newborn, preschool and toddler, I assumed she was much younger. My best advice is back off totally. I can't stand my stepmom because she acts like my best friend whenever I see her, and she doesn't give me enough alone time with my dad. If she's 21 and you're much younger than df, are you closer in age to her than df? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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oh sorry i forgot to switch it - i have young dd so i typically stick to those boards! and yes, i am closer in age to her and her brothers than df, so i definitely don't force the step-mom thing or best friends on her at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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I hate to say it, but she probably isn't going to really warm up to you then. I would be totally creeped out in her situation (at least my step-mom is dad's age). It will probably get easier once she mellows out with age, once she gets married and has kids, but if it has already been 4 years, I wouldn't expect much and just give her a lot of space (assuming she's not actively nasty to you all the time). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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i totally understand, it just hurts knowing that it is my fault that there is a riff between her and my df. i do not want to force anything on her, i just wish there were something i could do to ease the blow. i am madly in love with her father and we make each other happy - i just want her to know that i am not there to hurt him or her family and i would love for her to be a part of my dd's (and future kids we may have) life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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I know it sucks, but it is up to her. There is nothing you can do, so I really wouldn't waste much energy trying to make it better. The more you try, the worse it will be probably. Good luck with the wedding and be grateful for you df and dd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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thanks, i hope that she can come around because i do not want my df to lose his daughter, his sons have been onboard from the beginning [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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maybe because you stole away her father, ever think of that, you are taking him away from her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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LMAO. Can you read? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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oh hey - maybe because dear old dad is marrying a young trophy wife who could be his daughter, let's throw that one out there [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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how old is your dh and how old are you? and how old are his children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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i am 28, dh is 45, his sons are 23 and 17 and his daughter is 21 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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normally i am quick to disregard these may december romances, but you and your guy have been together quite some time, he has been divorced many years and you seem liek you genuinely love him and it shows by your concern for his relationship with his kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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I don't think I read this earlier in the post, but could DD be worried about her inheritance ? I have to admit that when my dad remarried (my mother passed away) his new wife had three DC of her own. I was worried that all that was once my mother's and father's (mom was an atty) would pass to his wife and her kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:46 PM Flag
[ - ] Yeah, my ds made the Delta cutoff! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.29.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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Is the cutoff always 1385 or it fluctuates every year?? My DC scored 1435 in 3rd grade, so we should be OK for next year if the cut-off stays the same [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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