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06.29.08, 10:19 AM Newborn
40 replies
i am getting married for the first time and my fiancé is quite a bit older than me and has two older sons and an older daughter - his sons have warmed up to me, but his daughter has not. she is civil to me, but i know she is not happy about this and i don't know what to do about it. i do not want her to feel that her family is being destroyed and i do not want to ruin her relationship with her father, but i am in love with him and he and i have been together for quite some time and have a dd. do you think she will eventually have a change of heart? i feel terrible about this [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 06.29.08, 10:19 AM Flag
 

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did your fiance leave his dw for you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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no absolutely not - he and his ex have been divorced for 11 years [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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oh, well until now have he and his ex remained unmarried? this might just be the final nail in the coffin to show her that her parents aren't going to get back together [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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no her mother remarried 8 years ago [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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well then, beats me, perhaps she was just closer with her father and was hoping that he would stay single and keep focus on her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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I really doubt that this has much to do with her relationship with her dad or with you and has way more to do with the age difference and the fact that her father gets to start a new family by marrying a much younger women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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yeah, she probably realizes that your marriage isnt going to last since you could be df's daughter and is already anticipating the bitter divorce [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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now that's just not called for. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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it is the truth though, do you really think this girl is going to stay married to a man she could call daddy? please, once the thrill is gone she will be out of there for a young guy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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do you always think in such stereotypes? NP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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it is true though - come on - the age gap wont workl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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oh you are right. People with large age gaps NEVER EVER stay married. Sheesh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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well come on - you are all telling that woman with the cheating dh that he wont last with the nanny bc she is younger, why is this different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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oh come on you jknow that isnt the same as dating and getting married and having a child together [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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because he wasn't cheating, has been divorced for 11 years, and has been with her for 4. Certainly not the same thing as sneaking around for a year breaking trusts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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but the age gap is still there - both husbands are going for twenty-somethings - age gap is even bigger for this op, as oppsed to the nanny and dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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My issue w/ dh and nanny is cheating for a year. Obviously, they both have the morals of a roach. So no, that does not speak very highly of their abilities to have a real relationship. The age difference is probably not ideal (in my mind), but this is not at all the same situation as nanny story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:57 AM Flag
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Not to mention op and df have a real relationship and been through a lot together; nanny and dh never have, they've been sneaking around which is not real. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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ITA. Someone has some issues herself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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she makes a good point, though in a negative way [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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not really. Sure - half of marriages end in divorce so I guess you could say that about anyone who is getting married. Who is to say if this one will last or not? She is being really negative and mean for no reason other than I think she has some issues with the situation that have nothing to do with OP (who sounds like a very nice caring person BTW) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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her dh probably left her for a young girl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 12:07 PM Flag
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that is not true - i am 36 and my dh is 55 - we have been married for 17 years and have three gorgeous children together. my step-son is now 28 years old and though it took him 4 or 5 years of our marriage before he finally warmed up completely, he is like a son to me and we are one big happy blended family through thick and thin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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I think that the best advice is to give her as much space and time as possible. Most likely she will warm up eventually, but there is nothing you can do to rush it. How long have you been together and how old is step-dd? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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we have been together for three years - she is 21 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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*four years sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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Oh... since you posted in newborn, preschool and toddler, I assumed she was much younger. My best advice is back off totally. I can't stand my stepmom because she acts like my best friend whenever I see her, and she doesn't give me enough alone time with my dad. If she's 21 and you're much younger than df, are you closer in age to her than df? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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oh sorry i forgot to switch it - i have young dd so i typically stick to those boards! and yes, i am closer in age to her and her brothers than df, so i definitely don't force the step-mom thing or best friends on her at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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I hate to say it, but she probably isn't going to really warm up to you then. I would be totally creeped out in her situation (at least my step-mom is dad's age). It will probably get easier once she mellows out with age, once she gets married and has kids, but if it has already been 4 years, I wouldn't expect much and just give her a lot of space (assuming she's not actively nasty to you all the time). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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i totally understand, it just hurts knowing that it is my fault that there is a riff between her and my df. i do not want to force anything on her, i just wish there were something i could do to ease the blow. i am madly in love with her father and we make each other happy - i just want her to know that i am not there to hurt him or her family and i would love for her to be a part of my dd's (and future kids we may have) life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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I know it sucks, but it is up to her. There is nothing you can do, so I really wouldn't waste much energy trying to make it better. The more you try, the worse it will be probably. Good luck with the wedding and be grateful for you df and dd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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thanks, i hope that she can come around because i do not want my df to lose his daughter, his sons have been onboard from the beginning [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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maybe because you stole away her father, ever think of that, you are taking him away from her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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LMAO. Can you read? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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oh hey - maybe because dear old dad is marrying a young trophy wife who could be his daughter, let's throw that one out there [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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how old is your dh and how old are you? and how old are his children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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i am 28, dh is 45, his sons are 23 and 17 and his daughter is 21 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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normally i am quick to disregard these may december romances, but you and your guy have been together quite some time, he has been divorced many years and you seem liek you genuinely love him and it shows by your concern for his relationship with his kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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I don't think I read this earlier in the post, but could DD be worried about her inheritance ? I have to admit that when my dad remarried (my mother passed away) his new wife had three DC of her own. I was worried that all that was once my mother's and father's (mom was an atty) would pass to his wife and her kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.29.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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