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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] For those whose kids share a room: How do you move a newborn into a room with older child 2.5? When do you suggest, and who has the earlier bedtime? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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We moved newborn into the room at 3months when I went back to work. It was never a problem. older dc never woke up the baby, or vice-versa. We never did cio. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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how old was your older dc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:24 PM Flag
[ - ] thinking of having 2nd db (current db is almost 2), but we live in 2bd apartment (Manhattan). how difficult is it to raise 2 db sharing a room? apt is 850sf. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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you will make it work. don't make family planning decisions based on sq footage. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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mine share and they are 3 and 7. the issue in ym mind is that they are different genders and at some point, i think its better for them to be separated. if you have two girsl ro two boys, its fine (my husband shared with his bro until college). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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so many people do it and manage just fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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if dc's 1 and 2 are the same sex they could share a room for a while, but I'd imagine 850 sq ft is going to get small pretty quickly, either way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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I shared a room with my brother until I was 7. He was 9 - you can make it work for a long time if necessary [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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I shared a room too--I meant that 850 might start to feel small as the kids get older. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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yes, but unlikely that they'll stay there forever. Also, many many people in NYC make do with much less space and 2 kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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Our home is 750 sq ft. Two boys - 18 mos apart share a bedroom that is very small. It works, but is not comfortable. I never feel there is any adult space. My oldest is now 6. We really need to move [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Trying to transition 2.4yo from crib to big boy bed. (he was trying to climb out) anyway, he slept in it the first night, but the past 2 nights he keeps saying he wants to sleep in it, but comes out of his room over and over so we end up putting him back in the crib because we don't want to force him. any tips on how to make the transition smoother for him 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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leave both in his room and let him pick. it wil pass [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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Can you break down the crib and put it out of sight? I think it's easier for them if they know it's a done deal. We transitioned DD around that age (a little earlier maybe) and the first few nights she would pop out of her room. But we just walked her back w/o talking or making it interesting and she figured out pretty quick it was time to just sleep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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put a gae at his dorr so he can't come out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:09 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you have an embarrassing secret no one knows about? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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I have a secret - dh and I divorced our former spouses to be together. We both made a mistake the first time, fell in love, and got together. Was rough, but we are very happy, living a boring life. We moved, and no one here knows about it. I am not embarrassed about it, but not anyone's business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
[ - ] my little sister is graduating. the three older sisters are considering buying her a nice purse. what's a classic purse? was thinking coach but it's a bit tired. any other brands? Want to spend about $200-$300. tia! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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graduating from what? I imagine an 18 year old would have different needs from a 22-year-old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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oops - sorry. college. yes, she's 22. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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Coach is very nice. Also, there are some smaller brands that might be good - I LOVE Rachel Nasvik bags [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:59 PM Flag
[ - ] every am my 2mo seems so gassy around 4am onwards and can't seem to sleep, just restless and grunting. what can I do to help him? when does this go away? any suggestions? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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is he sleeping but noisy, or awake? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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mostly sleeping but then wakes up easily crying. hes not like that the rest of the night [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
[ - ] I lost my wedding band. 15 years ago DH bought my engagement ring and wedding band with all the money he had in the world (less than $1000). Where in NYC can I go to have the band made to match my engagement ring? It is not fancy at all, like 6 tiny diamonds in a channel setting. I SAH so I don't have a lot of money to spend doing it and I'd kind of like to do it without DH knowing. TIA! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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bad idea to hide this from DH. Confess and tell him how sorry you are, and that you would really like to get one to replace it, and you're willing to pay for it yourself, but you want him to know [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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oh, I wasn't clear. He knows I lost it -- he's really really upset. I want to have another one made as a way of saying sorry. (I've said sorry a million times.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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Ahh, I see. I have a FANTASTIC jeweler on 47th St- Ben Moses - he and his son Ray are amazing, they made both my rings and dh's and are very reasonable - and I'm sure with your sweet story they will be really nice to you. I absolutely ADORE them, and they can make anything you like [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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oh wow -- 47th and what? thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 03:08 PM Flag
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bumping up! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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I live in Boston, so can't help you, but I can tell you're someone I'd like. It means so much to me that my DH bought my ring by working 3 jobs and saving his butt off when we were young and broke, and I hear of other people trading "up" and I can't understand it; that's not what it's about, people! ;) Good luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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thanks. people probably judge my tiny engagement diamond (.5) but i love it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 07:21 PM Flag
[ - ] my grandfather passed away 2 months ago. SIL hasn't acknowledged it at all. MIL (who is wonderful) sent a small floral arrangement to the out-of-state funeral with SIL's name on the card along with MIL & FIL. Preparing thank you cards, do you send SIL a thank you card as well as MIL? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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nope. btdt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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even to acknowledge that she did nothing? maybe a thank you card would embarass her? make her realize she did nothing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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that is possible... with my SIL it doesn't work though. She never buys anything but takes credit for it (sounds like here she doens't know), and I write notes and she could care less [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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how do you know she didn't contribute? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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dh asked MIL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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yes, you do. Her name was on the card, she may have contributed monetarily and who is to judge an arrangement too small to qualify for a thank you note. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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ITTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I don't think this was op's point. It sounds like her sil didn't contribute, but I guess you can't know unless you ask your mil. I wouldn't include sil in this case. My SIL doesn't buy ANYTHING for us (gifts, I mean), but MIL does and puts her name on cards. I send SIL a note but also one to MIL thanking her for the gifts I know she actually bought. In this case it is different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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its actually not different. Name on card, send thank you note. Its really very simple. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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if she KNOWS Sil contributed nothing and didn't acknowledge the death what is she thanking her for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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You can dislike your sil, she can dislike her sil, but this is all totaly nonesense. In writing thank you notes, you write a thank you note if someones name is on the card with the flowers. Take out all the emotion, all the one upmanship and just write the darn note. Why do people want to make thank you notes into a family fued? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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I'm not, and I write thank you notes to every damn person I receive anything from, whether there's a card with a name or not. And I almost never get them in return. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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because it's a chance to try and make people do the right thing, or at least realize that they should've done the right thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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Thank you notes are not a venue to try and force someone else to have manners. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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op: exactly my point. but to send SIL a thank you note, wouldn't that shake her into realizing that she should've done something instead of relying on her mother to do something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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It might, but that depends on your sil [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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my dear dear dear uncle (the only member of my family I communicated with regularly) died in february and not ONE of my in-laws EVER acknowledged it. AT ALL. They still haven't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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I'm sorry for you. Did they know you were close to him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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absolutely. and I helped take care of FIL's father until he died, as well as MIL. I THOUGHT we were close. They knew my uncle was battling cancer. I will never forgive my inlaws. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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you need to tell them this at some point rather than bearing a lifetime grudge, seriously. I've been there and it doesn't help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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No, just to MIL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I guess I am alone here, but I would not expect calls or flowers from my ILs if my grandparent died. My parents would be another story. But in general I have low expectations of their involvement with me and my family, and it works for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:53 PM Flag
[ - ] am i alone? i am a sahm of a 2yo dd. i feel tired all the time, irritable, hungry, and lately everything just seems overwhelming. i am overweight. i feel like i have no life. nothing is about me. i know that may be selfish but i want (just for a moment) someone to focus on me. 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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its nt selfish. how is your relationship with the dad? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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op: we get along very well but i do not feel like he thinks i am beautiful or is attracted to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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are you married to him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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op: yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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you need to talk to him and get him to contribute to parenting, or getting some parttime help so you can have a little time for yourself. Seriously [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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it is not like he doesn't contribute or won't give me time alone. i just feel like i need a whirlwind romance or a really exciting vacation. it has just been to long since something exciting has happened. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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can you ask dh to go away together for a few days? might help you "recharge" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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op: we could but we would have to take dd [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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you don't have parents who could help? or a friend? even going away with dd wouldn't be too bad, a change of scenery can help, and if you go to a good resort you can get a babysitter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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are you married/living together? if so, you need to talk to him. you need a break adn he needs to do some parenting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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^btw, i am not pregnant [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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It used to be like that for me. And I am sorry to say, that when you are a mother (woh or sah) you rarely get personal attention. Go on a retreat lady, and practice some self-care everyday! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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get yourself a therapist. go weekly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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Go back to work, you will feel very useful, Your @YO will be going to preschool soon [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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np: for what it's worth, I am a full time WOHM and I feel the same way a lot of the time. although I have often thought if I could WOH part time and have full time help I would be happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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Bad advice. Then she'll be depressed and also super-stressed because of working. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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no, you're not alone. Time for a sitter, and if you can't afford that, join a gym that has daycare where you can put 2 yo, or put 2 yo in stroller and get out and exercise by walking or running. You have to focus on yourself and making yourself happy- it's not really fair to expect someone else to do that (unless you have a therapist. It's the therapist's job to focus on you :) ) Or find a new hobby (painting? gardening? reading novels?) that will help you get outside of your own head. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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you know what helped me, at least a little bit? i got a jogging stroller for DH and me (DH said he would go jogging with me at weekends, he started to jog) and that made me feel better. also, start having date nights/afternoons or whatever you can swing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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op: dh and i were just looking at jogging strollers this weekend. i want to have date nights but we just moved to a new city (in SC) and don't know anyone. i just want my dh to tell me he thinks i am pretty sometimes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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tell him, not us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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op: believe me i have. no response [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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sit him down and have a serious talk about how unhappy you are. and then get a sitter and go out, either with or without him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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no, I feel the same and just had another baby. when my husband leaves to work, I am so envious that he has another life and moments just for himself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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Well, considering I could have posted the exact same thing, you're definitely not alone! Definitely at least two of us. My vague plan is to sign up for an evening class, something not child-related, once a week I'll have somewhere to go. Not sure I'm actually going to do it, but that's the plan... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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You're losing your self-esteem and identity. An affair will only make you feel worse. Find a purpose to your life aside from being a mom and get passionate about something! Volunteer, get a job you love, start a business, get into a serious hobby, etc. You're probably not that interesting or exciting to your DH anymore...probably not fair, but it's a rut many SAHMs get into. If you're not sure where to start, go to the self help section of your local bookstore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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You are me five months ago. start losing the weight - for yourself. i gained a lot of weight with my db and was shocked at how poorly I was treated by EVERYONE compared to before. It sucks - but it is the way life is. Invest in an elliptical (about $1000), join Weight Watchers online and just do it. I have only lost 20 lbs so far (I have about 25 more to go) but I am so much happier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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You know PPD can onset at 2 years? It's actually not that uncommon. Do the same things you'd do ward it off with a newborn: Omega 3s, exercise that works your core, sunshine, contact with friends, therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 02:09 PM Flag
[ - ] This has probably been posted gazillion times, but we are looking to move to a better district on the UES. All things being equal, rank 6, 158, 183, 290 and 59. Thanks! Don't necessarily care about the progressive/traditional thing. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.08.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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of those schools, I would choose 158. But tour them all and see which you like best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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OP. I will try. What do you like about it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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Ditto, love the small class size. Nice bldg by public standards. After that 6 or 290. Liked 290 better in terms of vibe and what teaching I saw, but it is really overcrowded. I liked 59, but it is moving and that is a weird unknown. Never toured 183. I also really like 116, more than 6 and maybe more than 290. Don't like the area you have to live in to attend 116 or 158. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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you have already checkedout insideschools and the data available on teh DOE site? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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Yes, I have looked at some of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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i think a lot fo choosing a school is your personal feelings. allthsoe schools are good but they are different, and if you have the luxury of choice, i'd visit before you pick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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DD just finished k at 158 and we are very happy with the results. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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i think 6 and 290 are the most overcrowded. 290 doesn't ahve a gym. 59 would probably be my last choice. i know parents with kids at both 158 and 183 who are very pleased [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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59 is going into a great site for 2 years and then will have an amazing state of the art facility. I say 59 first [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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Oh! Didn't see you had 6 on the list. First 6. Then 59. Then maybe 183^ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 04:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Well, I'm 7 weeks post partum and officially have 20 lbs to lose. I "only" gained 35 and DS weighed almost 8. This seems off to me. Oh, well. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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off why? Because it doesn't add up exactly? There is lot's of fluid that comes and goes and your weight isn't static anyway. Some of it will just go away on it's own too. Don't get too caught up in the numbers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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Placenta, Amniotic Fluid, 7 weeks of time....neurosis. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 12.18.14, 09:05 PM Flag
[ - ] being audited by the IRS. Anyone btdt? what is the worst that could happen? 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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Prison, back taxes and fines. Possession of assets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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worst? jail. That's pretty unlikely though. Worst likely outcome is that you would owe some $$. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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yes, twice. No big deal really. It's a pita and a bit stressful but as long as you did'nt lie and are not a criminal it should be fine. You will most likely write a check before leaving. But the goal is to make it a small check. Good luck. Who prepared your taxes? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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a friend of the family. i don't have a lot of faith in him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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nepotism belongs in the arts, not taxes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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I totally agree. Now it will cost us. DH has his own business and i think the accountant hid many things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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I'm sorry for you. Next time hire someone good, or do it yourself if not too complicated (that's what we do, but we dont own a business) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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Well then, getting worse and worse. Did dh show a loss on his taxes from the business? BTW, I am the double audited from above and one year we had a business loss too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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i'm not sure (it was a while ago) if dh showed a loss. we ended up having to pay that year, even with buying a new apt and having a db. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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You will know soon enough! Just start getting ready. If you don't want your relative to go to audit hire someone else. But, get a handle on what you do and do not have receipts for. I'd set aside 2 hours on Sat and 2 hours on Sun until it was done. You have about a month before audit, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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right. we have all the paperwork from that year. pulled it out and are meeting with our stupid accountant next week. he thinks he might have entered something in our tax information for that year and the next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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OK, that isn't huge problem a mistake is a mistake and you will pay what you should have paid when you filed. What you don't want to happen is for the IRS to think that you intentionally set out to commit fraud. That opens up a whole new can of worms and you so don't want to go there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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np: My impression is that if you under paid you are going to have to pay some kind of fine plus the back taxes and interest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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eek. Is this friend an accountant? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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Is he going to reprensent you at the audit? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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If I were you, I would take a look at taxes and receipts beforehand. Just so you know how much he exaggerated [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:52 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone know about a Michael Graves playground? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:30 PM Flag
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isn't it called target? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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LOLOLOLOLOL!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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Are you talking about the one down by Chelsea Piers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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all i know is that it is downtown somewhere. how can I find out? google and nyc parks website got me nowhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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there was an article in the NY Times about NYC playgrounds, and several months ago about the one by Chelsea Piers. try searching their website. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:55 PM Flag
[ - ] anybody can recommend a good lawyer in New york for an injury by a car accident? thanks very much 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.08.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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no one knows? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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do you take the subway? lots of lawyer ads to choose from. I like 1-800-Magarita. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 07:59 AM Flag
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lol. i highly doubt those are good lawyers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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I know a good one with smaller firm: Jason Krantz at Philips Krant and Assoc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 10:28 AM Flag
[ - ] Eekk. My friend just emailed. Her five year old ds took a poop in her front yard. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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LOL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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oh no!! this is why I am never sanctimonious about my parenting (not that I have anything to be sanctimonious about) because you know I would be the one with the kid crapping in the front yard. Does she know why?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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I agree. Kids are crazy and I guess things happen. Not sure why he did it though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:29 PM Flag
[ - ] I finally got pregnant after trying for a long time (fertility treatments). Dh was never too much into it, it was never the most romantic relationship but he stuck with me. Lately he was acting weird, and one night he came back a bit drunk, told me he never really wanted the baby (we never thought it would work), wasn't happy, did it for me, etc. I was shocked, promised him I would try to make it work. I suspect that he has someone else, and maybe he's not telling me, he is pn his blackberry all the time, and one night I thought I saw makeup on his face, but he denied. I admit, I am not the most outgoing or social person and he used to be. Should I confront him? he is not into the pregnancy too much, I asked him if he would love the baby and he said he would, but it seems like he is going forward becasue he feels bad for me. 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.08.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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Honestly, it sounds like he isn't that into having a baby and he is having an affair. Would he go to therapy with you? I really think that's the best idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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he would not do therapy. honestly, I think he is not happy with me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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yikes. I don't know what to tell you. Did you know he was lukewarm on the issue before the fertillity tx? I think you have a right to know if he is seeing someone else, but maybe you don't want to know. I think it will be bad for your child to have a dad who just isnt that into it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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op - I was talking to him about that, was stupid enough to say I would abort, I didn't mean it and of course he said no. I may have given him an impression I wanted to have a child so much, and I guess he wanted to give me what I wanted. He said he would lvoe him or her, but I know he has that sense of responsibility towards me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:29 PM Flag
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separate the two issues- you and the baby will be fine with him or without him. Then work on your relationship with him- he may just be really scared of the whole transition to fatherhood. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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He said our relationship was about loyalty and not about love. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:30 PM Flag
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ouch. he sounds kind of mean. and you need to up your self-esteem 10000%. you sound like you think it's your fault. from what you have told us, it isn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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op - I never put too much effort, I guess I was busy with the baby issues. I enver asked him. I planned to stop working, asked him maybe we should buy an apartment and he convinced me that we shouldn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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I would just get a divorce now and get it over with. sounds like you guys are not meant to be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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op - I am scared. I was very emotionally dependant on him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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that might be part of your problem - he might not be able to deal with your dependance. Have you tried counseling? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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op - I am starting to feel so, after that fight we have. I feel like he is with me because he feels bad for me, but not becausue he wants to, like it's a job for him. I only realized it lately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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it sounds like you have a lot going on, and getting some help dealiing with it, talking it through, would be helpful (I mean outside of UB). Your NEED to have a child may be difficult for your dh to take, as his seeming uninteresteness is difficult for you. There are probably a lot of things he's thinking/worried about that you cant imagine at this point. Try to talk about it, if that doesn't work you need to get some help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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Op - I will. I tried, and it turned out to that fight when he told me he wasn't happy, didn't love me, only been loyal, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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well then you need help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:15 PM Flag
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NP - she needs to get her confidence back and get a divorce. Even if he is not cheating on her, he is obviously not into her or the baby or their life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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He may be scared and have other issues he needs to figure out. I don't see divorce as the ideal solution but they need to work on it and try to find out what the real issue is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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Np - if dh even wants to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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I loved Juno! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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me too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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Did he come with you to the fertility treatment appointments? I can't imagine what kind of man does that without actually wanting the child, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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op - he did, but never seemed to be into it too much. When they failed and I was miserable, he was there for me but never looked sad. And he didn't seem excited when I got pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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You're making him sound like a sociopath. But I'm guessing things were a little less clear while they were happening. Did you discuss the future while all this was going on? Each cycle that failed would have me and DH discussing what our threshold was, other options, what our marriage could take. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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op - I guess I just wanted to go on. After the 3rd one failed we had a fight, he didn't want to. I wanted to, we did and this one worked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:59 PM Flag
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Well, this child will be a huge blessing for you, regardless of what happens with your marriage. It's possible that the stress just got to him, that he will rebound once he starts seeing sonograms, your belly growing, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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is money an issue in this (ft are expensive)? That might be partly driving him away. You guys need to have counseling [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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Op - he never said money was the issue. He was never into having kids, but it's hard for me to imagine that he was doign all that and NOT WANTING it to work. He seemed shocked when we found out I was pregnant. He is not too affectionate, doesn't touch my belly, doesn't make plans ahead, when I talk about shopping he just nods. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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I think there is a LOT your dh ISN'T saying - you need to allow him to be shocked (many dh's are, they don't bond with the baby until it is born, remember it is growing inside you), but also address any other issues their might be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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op - I just fear that it's about me, not the baby. Like the baby adds more issue, monetary issues, especially if he has someone else. He said he would love it, but he never said he would love *me* or happy about us as a family. Afetr he said he was not happy, I told him he could go out more - he did that, came back wasted, like I released him from a cage. We don't do too much, and it seems like he doesn't want to come home to me or spend too much time together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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np: Why not do more with him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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op - I don't mind, but we do not share too many interests. Frankly, I don't mind staying home, and watch TV. But really, if it's about not wanting to be with me, doing more isn't going to help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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I disagree - you are feeding the whirlpool down the drain. Spending time together and enjoying things together could pull you out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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op - but what if he can't enjoy it with me? if he doesn't love me? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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You won't know until you try. If you are pulling away because you are assuming how he feels, you are only making things worse. Fertility treatments can really bring out the worst in people, it's so very hard - try and see if that's what's really going on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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It sounds like that is an excuse - he wouldn't have stood by you all this time if there wasn't love there. Just give it some time and try to work on your relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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you need to make an effort to spend time together - you're a partnership, not supposed to be "letting" him go out. Have you been strict in the past? It sounds like your dependence on him is hard for him to handle- do you have any family/friends you can confide in sometimes and let him have a little less burden from you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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op - I don't have too many friends, basically my mom and sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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well, talk to them. But it sounds like you're very co-dependent on your husband and that may not be something he can handle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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Op - maybe. it does feel like he has been "taking care" of me. I haven't been a partner or a friend. Just the wife trying to get pregnant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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Sounds like you've hit upon the problem right there. Try to make an effort to be a partner and friend - and watch and see if it helps him change. and many men don't get excited about their babies until they're born, that is very normal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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Np - she can't be someone she isn't. What, going out to a movie will make him love her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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np: No, but sitting around sulking and never wanting to leave the house could make him perhaps fall out of love. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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np - and maybe it's too late. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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That's what I was wondering. It can be such a grueling process and every step of the way you're reasserting your desire for a child. OP I'm sorry--he sounds like a jerk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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OP - he has been with me through hard times, I can't imagine him doing me a favor, bur recently I don't know anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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He is scared s***less and that is all. I am sure he will be a great father once the baby comes. It is not only a cinamatic cliche about the scared father. I think he is doing the honorable thing and I am sure he loves you. He just feels ambivalent but still did not want you to abort. Hang in there and it will all work out! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 07:21 PM Flag
[ - ] What time does your 2.5 you go to bed? Due to vacation and a lot of other special evenings with friends, etc. mine has been hitting the sack around 8:45-9 for the last month or so, and I'm worried it's too late. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.08.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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8pm, and he conks out right away, but he gets up between 5 and 6am (sob, sob). Probably total hours of sleep at night plus nap is what matters [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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op and we had about a year (at least it seemed like it--it was long) of 5am wake-ups. I feel for you. Mine sleeps about 10.5 at night and usually a 2 hr nap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:25 PM Flag
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Hye - you beat me. Cant get my 3 yo to bed before 10 these days. He sits in bed playing trains for an hour before he falls asleep. All you can do, I think, is put them down at a decent hour and hope they go to sleep (at least that's what I am doing.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:24 PM Flag
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mine goes to bed round 8:30 every night- sleeps till 7ish so it works for me. i think they just go to bed later in the summer:) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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that makes me feel better--thanks. I think it has something to do with summer, too--we're at the playground until 6:30 or so usually, dinner gets later, bath gets later, etc. Even when there's nothing special going on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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OP again and the other thing that had me wondering is we just met someone whose son, almost 3, goes to bed at 6:30. Got me thinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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my sister's ds, also 2.5, has this bedtime, and he sleeps til 7am or later. Some kids just need a lot of sleep. But he is asking to go to bed by 6pm, so she knows he needs it. If your kid is behaving well and seems fine, I wouldn't worry about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:29 PM Flag
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thanks. mine seems fine, and normally I don't worry about this kind of stuff, but it's been a long stretch of late bedtimes. I can't imagine him going to sleep at 6:30! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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6 y.o. & 2.5 y.o. both in bed by 7:30. We have had a few exceptional nights when they stayed up a bit later, but we get right back to the routine after that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
[ - ] can anyone figure out why I've been in such a foul mood the past 2 days? Great job, dh, db, etc. Nothing dramatic has happened recently. Just really pissed off. My period ended a few days ago so not PMSing or pg.... 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:20 PM Flag
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are you sleeping? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:21 PM Flag
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mostly. We had kind of a hectic 4th of july road trip, etc, but I am pretty good about getting at least 7hrs/night [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:22 PM Flag
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oh i hope not! Want another db before i go through the change of life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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