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07.08.08, 12:38 PM General Topics
22 replies
my grandfather passed away 2 months ago. SIL hasn't acknowledged it at all. MIL (who is wonderful) sent a small floral arrangement to the out-of-state funeral with SIL's name on the card along with MIL & FIL. Preparing thank you cards, do you send SIL a thank you card as well as MIL? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.08.08, 12:38 PM Flag
 

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nope. btdt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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even to acknowledge that she did nothing? maybe a thank you card would embarass her? make her realize she did nothing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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that is possible... with my SIL it doesn't work though. She never buys anything but takes credit for it (sounds like here she doens't know), and I write notes and she could care less [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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how do you know she didn't contribute? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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dh asked MIL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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yes, you do. Her name was on the card, she may have contributed monetarily and who is to judge an arrangement too small to qualify for a thank you note. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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ITTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I don't think this was op's point. It sounds like her sil didn't contribute, but I guess you can't know unless you ask your mil. I wouldn't include sil in this case. My SIL doesn't buy ANYTHING for us (gifts, I mean), but MIL does and puts her name on cards. I send SIL a note but also one to MIL thanking her for the gifts I know she actually bought. In this case it is different [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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its actually not different. Name on card, send thank you note. Its really very simple. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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if she KNOWS Sil contributed nothing and didn't acknowledge the death what is she thanking her for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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You can dislike your sil, she can dislike her sil, but this is all totaly nonesense. In writing thank you notes, you write a thank you note if someones name is on the card with the flowers. Take out all the emotion, all the one upmanship and just write the darn note. Why do people want to make thank you notes into a family fued? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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I'm not, and I write thank you notes to every damn person I receive anything from, whether there's a card with a name or not. And I almost never get them in return. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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because it's a chance to try and make people do the right thing, or at least realize that they should've done the right thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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Thank you notes are not a venue to try and force someone else to have manners. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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op: exactly my point. but to send SIL a thank you note, wouldn't that shake her into realizing that she should've done something instead of relying on her mother to do something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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It might, but that depends on your sil [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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my dear dear dear uncle (the only member of my family I communicated with regularly) died in february and not ONE of my in-laws EVER acknowledged it. AT ALL. They still haven't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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I'm sorry for you. Did they know you were close to him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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absolutely. and I helped take care of FIL's father until he died, as well as MIL. I THOUGHT we were close. They knew my uncle was battling cancer. I will never forgive my inlaws. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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you need to tell them this at some point rather than bearing a lifetime grudge, seriously. I've been there and it doesn't help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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No, just to MIL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I guess I am alone here, but I would not expect calls or flowers from my ILs if my grandparent died. My parents would be another story. But in general I have low expectations of their involvement with me and my family, and it works for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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