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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Ladies of UB- what is wrong with my husband... he is so forgetful with everyday things- ex: frequently loses his phone, never remembers to pack phone chargers when packing up on vacation, left the car battery running all night... I honestly don’t know how he holds down his (demanding) job. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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ADHD. Does he remember being like this as a kid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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I’ve never asked the history! He’s definitely never been diagnosed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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absent minded professor syndrome. he handles the big stuff (demanding job) but can't keep track of the little stuff. I have a kid like this. A+ student, super-organized about school work, constantly losing her stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:53 AM Flag
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He remembers what he cares about. Like everyone else on the planet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone watching the second season of a succession? I feel like the acting is really incredible this season. Just catching up on a few episodes. It’s brilliant. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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Succession. Not a succession. ^ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:35 AM Flag
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It doesn't hold my attention; if DH didn't watch it, I'd never see it. It is good enough that I do wonder what each person is hiding and what all of their endgames are. But I have started using that show as my "alarm" to go out for a walk, and when it's over I'll just read the plot summaries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:27 AM Flag
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Yes! So glad it’s getting better and better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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Jeremy Strong’s performance is just amazing me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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I love it. I have been a Matthew Macfadyen fan for years! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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My husband and I are both really enjoying it. Whose acting stands out to you? I've found cousin Greg to be excellent both seasons and Kendall is doing a great job with his torment this season IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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I agree - Kendall is a stand out as is cousin Greg. I also think the acting generally is spot on right down to the in house counsel, Gerry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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Yes! Love Gerry. We noticed that Will Farrell is a writer. Explains some of the great comedic moments. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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Even the Willa character is starting to entertain me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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the speech she wrote for the funeral- hilarious! " And now she is sad." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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Brilliant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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The questioning by the bil to the suspected nazi was comedic gold. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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of not to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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yes! "Um, you seem to have missed a few million..." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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I'm working my way through the first season now. It's so good and I've heard it gets better in the second season. The acting is great, especially considering that they're portraying horrible people. So many scenes that are funny in a very subtle way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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Yes, the subtly is why it’s one of the rare shows where I got back and watch episodes a second time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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I love the show. Funny and smart and sad. But doesn't Shiv look different this season and not just the haircut? Did she do something to her face? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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I thought it was just the hair but maybe it is something else. I’m rewatching the last episode tomorrow and look closer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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Gained weight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:39 AM Flag
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We love the show. Everyone on it is simply brilliant. Kieran mackulkin ( I botched the spelling something fierce) is also terrific. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:23 AM Flag
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I found it really boring and gave up after many episodes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Can the person who wrote this please elaborate? »It should always be considered a reach. It's a match for some - but if you are, you will be made aware ahead of time. If you're not made aware, it's not you 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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I didn’t write it ... buuuuut I’m pretty sure the first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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It was a reference to UVA admissions [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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I don't know what she means, but most of the UCs are like this now. Except for the "you will be made aware ahead of time" thing. They are a reach for most even if you have the numbers to be a match. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:20 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone here have generalized anxiety and take anything for it - absent depression? I have always had anxiety but i went to a psych and she said the only option for anxiety is benzos and they have drawbacks. it's certainly liveable with but am curious. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:19 AM Flag
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Benzos are certainly not the only option to manage anxiety. SSRIs are also effective and not habit forming. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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medical marijuana. getting the right mix of exercise, breathing, tapping, and meditating helps too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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and, do not go on Benzos! an occasional valium is fine, but they will mess you up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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i need to know more about tapping - does it work for you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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np no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 05:10 AM Flag
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It only works as a placebo effect. Which is fine, if it works for you - something that does nothing negative but makes you *feel* like it did something positive, can be a net good. As long as you are sure it is not doing anything negative, like masking symptoms of a real underlying cause for the anxiety. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:32 AM Flag
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"Anxiety attacks, but then I got high...I used to take Xanax, but then I got high...No more prescription pills, and I know why...yeah yeah...'Cause I got high, 'cause I got high, 'cause I got high." --Afroman [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:31 AM Flag
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love that song [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:35 PM Flag
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I have postpartum anxiety and am on Zoloft [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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how is it working for you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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Started at 25mg which did nothing. Then 50mg which cured the insomnia for 2 weeks, but has now returned, my doctor just prescribed 100mg so still figuring out dosage. Overall, I’ve had minimal side effects and am no longer panicking when my husband leaves the house or I don’t sleep so it’s definitely helping [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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what are the side effects? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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For me I’ve had complete loss of interest in sex (which was minimal to begin with due to breastfeeding), jaw clenching which subsided, increased thirst/dry mouth, and loss of appetite [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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I take paxil. Sexual side effects and weight gain are real. Life is much better on them than not. I figure i only get one life, so i might as well enjoy it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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i just don't know that i feel that bad that the side effects are worth it. what were your symptoms before taking it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:56 AM Flag
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Generally a worry wort, overly concerned with what people thought or if i had offended them. Then when there would be changes (job, real estate etc) at least one breakdown of an hour or so crying. I never understood how people could "put it out if their mind" because I certainly could not do that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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that def describes me (not so much real estate but big life changes I cannot put out of my mind). What is the difference now with paxil - does it help a lot? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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Yes it dies help a lot. I feel like i can live in the preseny rather than fretting about the past or the future. First 3 weeks on aren't great, super tired and no benefit, but then a whole new world opened up for me. I only take 10mg. Maybe i should take more but then i feel so chill that it almost feels like depressiont o me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:13 AM Flag
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Lexapro [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:56 AM Flag
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what were your symptoms and how has it helped? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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Most effective for me has been a micro dose of cannabis. I live in CA and there are these pastilles called Beboe; each is under 5 mg of THC - not enough to get me high, just enough to relax me and take the edge off. In addition, regular exercise and alone time (am introvert) helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:59 AM Flag
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all those sound perfect. i don't think i can get beboe in nyc tho can i? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:22 AM Flag
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Doubtful. But if you can get a medical card, NY State law only allows for non-smokables anyway, so you may be able to find something similar. Here's a list of providers that can certify you for a medical card. https://www.health.ny.gov/regulations/medical_marijuana/practitioner/public_list.htm#_blank [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:03 AM Flag
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I replied above. Before cannabis pills it was an alcoholic drink or less. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 05:12 AM Flag
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Seconding but my dose is 2.5 and I don't everyday. Exercise everyday, yoga everyday, swim as much as I can, hike, walk the dog, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 05:12 AM Flag
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So, live a normal life, with the right balance of healthy activities, family responsibilities, and work, and anxiety doesn't become a daily problem... Who would have thought? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:35 AM Flag
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I used to take an SSRI but stopped when I was pregnant and never went back on it. I read recently about an amino acid called N-Acetyl Cysteine that might be effective for a variety of psychiatric disorders and is relatively innocuous. If you google it, you'll see some of the research. I'm going to give it a try. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:20 AM Flag
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Celexa [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:04 PM Flag
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my child takes prozac for anxiety and it helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:06 PM Flag
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Thorne Stress B, Magnesium, D3 and Probiotics [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 10:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Been dating a guy I really like for about 6 weeks now. I feel like he could be the one. Another great guy asked me out. He seems awesome but I am really into guy 1. Guy 1 hasn’t said if he is dating anyone else. But I think not. Is it dumb of me to say no to guy number 2 ? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:16 AM Flag
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no - do what feels right. but i think you could ask number 1 at this stage if you are exclusive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:20 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:21 AM Flag
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Just go on the date. You never know. Doesn't mean it has to go any further. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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Good advice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:18 PM Flag
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I guess the criteria I would use is this - if you learned he went out with somebody else would you be hurt? If yes, I'd either say no or raise the question about being exclusive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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Until you speak about exclusivity, you should assume you are both dating others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 06:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Can someone explain NY state test scores to me? Or point me in the direction of a website that explains them in the contest of Manhattan schools? We just got the scores for our oldest DC. It's the 3rd grade test results--which I know don't "mean" anything but I still want to understand them. Thank you! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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spill. what do you need me to esplain? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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lol! ok ELA 624; math 626. I really have no clue if this is decent, terrible, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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What is the citywide %? I think that’s over the cutoff for 4’s so that’s good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:24 AM Flag
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Score of 4.0 or higher gets you more points in middle school rubrics Look up each middle school to see how rubric varies [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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What do you want to know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:24 AM Flag
[ - ] Pet Peeve, when you get a BM invites sans kids. What am I supposed to do with them? 47 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:55 AM Flag
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Sitter? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:57 AM Flag
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what is BM? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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Bar mitzvah? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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A Bar or a Bat Mitzvah [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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A bowel movement. Some people invite people to celebrate their largest bowel movements. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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HAHA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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What do you wear? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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And how much money do you give? Multiples of two? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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hahahaha you're funny [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Get a sitter or don’t go. What’s the big deal. An invitation is not a summons [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:18 AM Flag
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+1. Go or don’t go. No big deal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:23 AM Flag
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My cousin just did this - my kids aren't invited to his daughter's BM. Why? It's not a wedding. I would understand if they were struggling financially, but they are very wealthy and its going to be an over-the-top blow out with hundreds of their closest (adult?) friends. Rude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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Your attitude is rude, they just don't want children at the BM, if you don't like it just don't go but you have no right to judge them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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She has every right to judge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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i disagree. people can throw whatever kind of party they want, you can go or not go. don't have opinions on their party, just do what works for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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I'm not saying she shares it with the hosts, but agree, she doesn't have to go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:13 AM Flag
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It's a celebration for a CHILD. Seriously, never heard of this. And, FWIW, I am Jewish, I live in Manhattan, and I've been to at least 60 bar/bat mitzvahs in past 5 years, everything for simple lunches to multi-million dollar parties. Never seen a mitzvah without kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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Np we are planning a bar mitzvah. There aren't a lot of venues for 250 that are under 200 a person. So yes we are inviting some people without their kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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If its a coworker's kids, ok. If its a first cousin's kids, not ok. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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My first cousins kids are invited. Dh has 45 first cousins (and their children are our age). I dont think we are getting to all of those kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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45 first cousins?! Is he a Jewish Duggar? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:39 AM Flag
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Cousins are in sixties so many have kids in thirties. Including them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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Most venues charge much less for kids. Ours was $200/adult, $50/kid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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It is a space thing as well. 175 mandayory family. Then family friends. Then his friends. Then our friends. Have to cut somewhere [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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Also, I invited their kids to my kids BM! (They found an excuse to skip it). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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It sounds as if they just don't like you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:38 AM Flag
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A bat or bar mitzvah is an adult event. The child is becoming an adult in the community and taking on the adult responsibilities of the religion. It is not unusual or rude to exclude children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:41 AM Flag
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Wait. It’s a celebration for a child. No children will be there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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No many children will be there. Just not OPs kids. She doesnt say how she knows the family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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The Bar Mitzvah invites HIS/her friends, but guests don't get to bring their random children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:39 AM Flag
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Are OP’s kids friends or contemporaries of the BM boy,or,girl? If not, I get why they weren’t invited. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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Maybe they were very young and not contemporaries of the BM? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.06.19, 12:56 AM Flag
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Weddings I'm cool w/no kids, BMS are parties FOR kids. If a family is super wealthy, they should allow kids & just hire a bunch of sitters and have a small kid area. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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How do you know how wealthy anyone here is? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:24 AM Flag
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It's like a wedding. Some are not with kids. Hire a sitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:23 AM Flag
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Except it’s literally an event for kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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It's an event for 13 year old kids...maybe her kids are much younger. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:24 AM Flag
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Tween doesn’t want little kids there because they feel it’s a party for them and parents don’t want little kids there so people can feel relaxed and able to socialize. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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Not really. It's a coming of age ritual. It can be 3 hours in a temple and then a party if a family chooses. It's not a party alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:42 AM Flag
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Are your kids a lot younger ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:15 AM Flag
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Maybe your kids are a pain [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:39 AM Flag
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Never been to one, so cannot relate. We went to adult-only weddings though, it's awesome to go to a party and not have to wrangle your kids, if you can manage a babysitter, do it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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Hire a sitter: if they're not invited then they're not invited. When I nannied I would often stay the night with my charges if their parents had an event. I'd wear sweats instead of my uniform and we would do movie nights - the kids loved it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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I'm stuck on "uniform" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 06:26 PM Flag
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It didn't bother either them or me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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Uh get a sitter? I don’t invite friends kids and they don’t invite mine. Who cares? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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I didn't invite kids of our friends. The kids had never met each other. They were too young to enjoy the party (under 5) which was exceedingly loud and crowded. They would have been a drain on friends. Saw this when my own kids were little and we had to leave so many parties early. Always invite family kids no matter the age because they know each other and will deal with whatever situation to be together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Are there honestly parents who consider letting 5 year olds stay home from school bc they don't want to go back to school when summer is over? That must be fake. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:21 AM Flag
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Some people can never say no to their kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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I find it hard to say no sometimes. Luckily dh makes sure we stay strong. He would never allow dcs to skip school/camp etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:44 AM Flag
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I suspect that one was fake, however there are some moms who are easily manipulated and afraid of conflict. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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We did mental health days ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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Mental health days are for the first miserable week of February, not the second day of school! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:02 AM Flag
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Your post didn’t specify month. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:24 AM Flag
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http://www.urbanbaby.com/topics/55924602 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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I responded to your question. Have a nice evening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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“When summer is over” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 10:02 AM Flag
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this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Blood supplies are very low just now, with the end of vacation season. If anyone can donate, please consider doing so. Appointments and info are at nybloodcenter.org if you're here in NYC. No connection btw except as a donor. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:15 AM Flag
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Do you get 2 free movie tickets for donating? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:16 AM Flag
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Sorry, no. Just juice and cookies. There is a point system through which you can earn gift cards and other prizes, but it takes multiple donations to accrue enough points (like five donations for a $25 card). If you can donate platelets there are greater incentives, but I don't know the details because they won't take mine anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:18 AM Flag
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Np, if you would believe it, I get time off of work to donate (ie, to use at a different time) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:41 AM Flag
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I give through work. Just gave last month. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Will do. Thanks op [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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If I am on antibiotics can I donate? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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Ok I’ll do it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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Do they still refuse to let gay people donate? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:04 AM Flag
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Gay men are allowed to IF they've been celibate for a while. I forget how long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:04 AM Flag
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Since I became anemic, my doctor advised against it, unfortunately. I still keep my two "gallon pins". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:38 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone have Verizon Fios? I got home tonight and my phone, ipad and laptop all do not connect anymore to my wireless network. No issues for the last 7 years. I know my password is connect, but it won't let me on. Mac if it matters. Thanks! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:00 AM Flag
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have you paid your bill? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:24 AM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:46 AM Flag
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OP: on autopay for the last 8 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:50 AM Flag
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Ours is fine. Did you call Verizon? There may be a technical issue at your location. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:54 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:55 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm the mom that is friendly and always approachable but can't get past small talk. I think I might be boring. Any advice? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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Ask questions. Listen. The other person will leave the conversation feeling great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:58 PM Flag
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Ask someone out for coffee or a cocktail one-on-one. The halls or lobby of the school is not really conducive to personal connection. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:07 AM Flag
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is it appropriate to go for cocktails at 8am? asking for a friend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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You can't get past small talk with others or they can't get past it with you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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I'm not sure. I think deep friendship requires shared experiences and that requires time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:21 AM Flag
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There is a wide range of emotional intimacy between small talk and deep friendship. Take it one step at a time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:25 AM Flag
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Become un-boring. It's hard when you have little kids. I am super boring right now and I warn my friends before we get together to catch up that I have very little to report because all I do each day is commute, work, and take care of toddlers. We are starting to branch out with little vacations and one-off teaser classes. I'll go to a show if I can scrape the money together. I can't handle reading books right now; I'm always reading work emails. I COULD talk about the news but none of my friends ever want to talk about politics or societal issues. So... boring. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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+1, parents of young kids are generally boring as hell. I count myself in that category. Coming out of a bit now (youngest is 8 yo). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:26 AM Flag
[ - ] I am an emotional sponge. How do I stay calm in the face of teen angst, disappointment, and rage? Is it normal for 8th grade girls to complain about everything? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:43 PM Flag
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Our son sees a therapist once a week, and every 3 months or so my husband and I go in together to learn what we can do. I mentioned that our teen is exhausting..it seems that I get the endless brunt of complaints, depressive comments and negativity. The therapist said this is because I'm Mom, and that it is a great sign that he has someone he knows he can be less than perfect with. So, I hope this helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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possibly. try doing some fun stuff and telling more jokes and be lighthearted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:02 AM Flag
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you're an asshole [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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Yes. It’s normal. Her crankiness makes me cranky. I’ve learned the outcome is more pleasant when I let her vent and I stay calm and supportive. It’s a skill. I stole a line from Olivia Pope...what do you need me to do? Most of the time she just needs me to just listen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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I am the same. The only solution is to stay as busy as you can so you don't have time to think about it. It is a challenge to stay calm in the teen years but they get better. Hang in there. Humor helps and remembering that it will pass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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If you can sift through the Dr. Burns podcasts, he suggests some reverse psych type tips that other therapists on the show all concur work. There is one where he talks about the TEAM approach with adolescents. One is agreeing with them, then talking through the likely conclusion if that thing were true or to happen. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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Yes, but be aware that this is also a sign of anxiety. My dd was constantly upset. It was generalized anxiety. She got much better with therapy and some meds. (not saying it's your dd's problem, but I just attributed it to the teen years and tbh it was much much more serious). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:25 AM Flag
[ - ] There are so many amazing and smart posters on UB, but I feel like there's a certain faction who have this vibe of like 'you think you are operating like a normal human in the world but actually all other parents/ your school are judging you hard for what you think are minor decisions and you will suffer the consequences'. Anyone else noticed this? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:24 PM Flag
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someone on here the other day was like 'i might take my kid out of k for one day' and a bunch of people were like 'the school will notice and it will be noted'. seriously? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:24 PM Flag
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True, some people expressed concern that missing the second day of kinder would go on the kid's Permanent record" (lol), but I think some posters (like me) were commenting on how it is a slippery slope to entertain the kid's whim to stay home after just one day of school. It's a long road.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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Different post! But just in general there are so many of the ‘sew seeds of insecurity’ people [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:36 PM Flag
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NP That turns a PSA/VBA/social media post into a discussion, which is what this URL is for [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:06 AM Flag
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There was also a thread where someone posted that she'd gotten into a verbal tiff with the school secretary (not great but it sounded like they both overreacted to some silly misunderstanding and the problem was over) and was told she should stop volunteering at the school entirely because she was "done" and "I guarantee everyone in admin. knows who you are and thinks you are an asshole." There are a lot of paranoid crazy people who hang out here because they have no friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:43 AM Flag
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yes - people that say you are 'done'. yuck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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They were trolls trying to inflame a discussion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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This, especially the one in MP right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:45 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:01 AM Flag
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My theory: Negative people have more energy to put into comments than positive people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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I think this too sometimes but I don't have any proof [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:05 AM Flag
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+1, paranoid and OCPD type people go wild on the internet because IRL no one wants to hear it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:41 AM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone at a top tier SS school gotten in with no financial aid and then later (like middle school age) applied for financial aid? I am wondering how that would be taken--obviously they've allotted my child as a "full freight" student and I assume balanced the class accordingly. However, we're not doing great. Our income would definitely qualify us for aid, but we do have one pricey real estate asset (not solely owned). Sort of afraid if my child isn't an academic superstar, but merely bright, that later applying and qualifying for aid could come back to bite us. 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 09.04.19, 11:19 PM Flag
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I think most schools have a policy on this - the first 2-4 years full pay before you can apply for aid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:22 PM Flag
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np--I think schools might also expect a family to demonstrate a change of circumstances as to why they are applying for aid--a second child entering school or a loss of income, for example. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:30 PM Flag
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We have had both of those. Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:33 PM Flag
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They will look at income and assets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:35 PM Flag
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Can you share what income level (and below) would qualify for aid? Applying this year, and wondering if it's worthwhile applying for aid). Thx. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:09 AM Flag
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My understanding is that schools expect the family to spend 10% of its income on school, so your level of need would be any amount that exceeds that. DD's school also assumes an income of $75k for any non-working parent who isn't home with younger siblings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:17 AM Flag
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ty! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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Pre-tax or post-tax income? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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That's not correct. Please stop posting this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:15 AM Flag
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Np: we had friends apply for aid at our UES private school (their child was already enrolled, lovely kid, no issues with parents being challenging or absentee, etc). They were denied and basically got a face to face dressing down from the finance team about cutting vacations and making more sacrifices before asking the school for aid. I don’t know their circumstances but I think they got bad advice from others who said “just try for aid, how bad can it be, always good to ask.” My friend felt so uncomfortable for a while after. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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the finance team was absolutely right to tell them these things. if you can afford vacations, etc. you shouldn't apply for financial aid for your kid to attend a private school for $50K plus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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So if we take a family vacation to the Poconos, or God forbid, spend the holidays in Florida, then we don't deserve financial aid? That's ridiculous. Spending two months in the south of France every year might be too much, but every kid deserves a vacation, and many families save for years to give them that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:30 AM Flag
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Yeah...it can't be all, you deserve nothing if you get aid and can never take your kids anywhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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+1. Telling financial aid families that they can’t do anything “extra” like take a vacation is how privates end up with no middle class families. We get some FA. We don’t go on extravagant vacations, but we fly to see grandparents over the holidays and do a week at the beach in the summer. I wouldn’t send my kid to a school that didn’t understand that it was important for my kids to visit family and get away every once in a while. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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np: No school does this! Our FA families take vacations, including skiing and overseas, and nobody says a word. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Oof. That's scary, No reason to make them feel like crap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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There is no way any decent school would do this. Dressing down, WTF? The financial aid people are extremely diplomatic, they will deny aid for sure but in a roundabout we'd love to help you but all the money is already allocated to other families. No way in hell they'd chastise a family for taking vacation while applying for aid. I'd run away from such a school in a heartbeat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.10.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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don't be a jerk-if you have to ask how little do you need to make to get aid, you are not getting it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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you may be surprised where the cut off is... It never hurts to ask, and learn! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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Nah, that was the point I made above. “It never hurts” may also lead to an embarrassing airing of your finances and then a lecture from the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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It's surprisingly high at our TT SS school. Folks on here will tell you we wouldn't get anywhere near the aid that we did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:33 AM Flag
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What's your income level? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:34 AM Flag
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and assets [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:17 AM Flag
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It was below 250 last year. I can't speak to the assets, even here, but one is income producing. Two kids in private school, live in a rental. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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What % of FA did you get with that income level? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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Not sure if you're still reading this, but salary with only one kid in private would be well within the range of significant FA at TT. Two would be a no brainer. Of course, the asset/income is a critical piece of this. I can't opine there. I don't have anything similar. Savings also matters a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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Do you mean a salary of $250K (and one child apply to private) is within range of significant FA at TT? Like 50% FA? More? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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It's much harder to get accepted with financial aid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:17 AM Flag
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We're already in for several years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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You should apply. The worst thing they will do is say no. And they only kick out the bottom of the class-the "merely bright" students stick around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 10:09 AM Flag
[ - ] EYE LIFE/Plastic Surgery Question: My eyelids are starting to sag. This is obviously hereditary as my mom has the same thing. It is causing, at this point, age 50, very slight shading of my vision that I notice when watching TV, etc. I've googled blepharoplasty, but I am sort of scared--I would want a very natural fix, just to make my lids less droopy. Anyone done this? Pros? Cons? Best surgeons? 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 09.04.19, 11:16 PM Flag
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watching this and just 41. i've heard if there is vision obstruction you can get on insurance. someone on here recently said they had it and were thrilled. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:19 PM Flag
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thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:25 PM Flag
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That might have been me; I've replied in posts before that I had it in my mid forties and was thrilled with the results. My dad, whose eyes I inherited, would qualify to have it fully covered by insurance because his is so bad it's a medical issue (vision obstruction) but he won't do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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youtube face exercises, I am not kidding [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:21 PM Flag
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i will look, but this is hereditary dropping, not just average aging. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:26 PM Flag
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No. This is bullshit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:32 PM Flag
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haha, cause muscles can't get tighter [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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but it's not muscles it's skin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 09:59 PM Flag
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My mil did it, and she was really happy with the results. Very little downtime. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:30 PM Flag
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My mother had this surgery (luckily I do not have the same eyes). The scar is placed in the fold of the eyelid so it is invisible. Makes a world of difference. You need to be very careful, though. You could end up looking like you but better or you could look like someone completely different. You need to choose your plastic surgeon very carefully. For bad eye surgery, you only need to look at Tom Jones or Kenny Rogers to be horrified. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:32 PM Flag
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I know! This is what freaks me out. Please fancy UES moms, name names of surgeons who won't make me look like a stepford wife. I really just want the slightest tweak/restoration. I am tired of having no visible eyelid surface anymore! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:37 PM Flag
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If you're experiencing vision distortion you sound like you need it. One is no worse than the other--I'd do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:34 PM Flag
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I recently had this surgery for lower eyelids. Insurance paid because it was a medical necessity. General anesthesia. Looked like a monster for about a week, but very little pain. 2 months later and everything is fine, no scars. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:51 PM Flag
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NP: What is a "lower eyelid?" Do you mean your under eye area? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:55 PM Flag
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Yes, lower eyelids— under eye. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:00 AM Flag
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OR: For me, it is my eyelid--not the bagginess/circles underneath--my actual eyelid is sagging, like the little flap of skin where I once had room to put eyeshadow is disappearing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:02 AM Flag
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Mine wasn’t for bagginess.....my lower eyelids had actually turned inward and my lashes were scraping my eyeballs all day long! I kinda wish I had added upper at my own expense! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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NNP: I posted above about my mother having the surgery. This is what she had. The upper eyelid was actually hanging over her eye and obstructing her vision (and it looked bad). It was pretty easy surgery. She had a bit of a Frankenstein thing going on with stitches for a few days, but it healed really well. Any time a surgeon cuts into your skin there is going to be a scar, but the surgeon places the scar right in the fold of the eyelid so you can only see it if the eye is closed. After a few years you really need to look for it. Also keep in mind that it is covered with eyeshadow, so there's that. If I had this issue, I would not hesitate to get the surgery. Time to do your research to find a great surgeon who will give good results. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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You need an oculoplastic surgeon . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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another NP, both my mom and my aunt had this surgery. The condition is hereditary. The surgery is not bad at all, recovery was fine and they both look great have not had to have them redone. One had it in her 30s, the other in her 50s. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 04:25 AM Flag
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Yes. I had upper and lower done. Our daughter who was 9 at the time remarked: You know, Mom, you're beginning to look like a bulldog. The key is: don't smoke, eat very healthy for several months in advance, plenty of Vitamin C and chose a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon. I had mine done in Chicago and recovery was about 3 days. I've had friends who tanned heavily/smoked heavily who were left with scars, but if you do neither, the incisions will not be noticeable. Chose someone who is conservative in his/her approach. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:57 PM Flag
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Thanks. Yes, I don't smoke and eat reasonably healthy, don't drink much, etc, fair skinned and not a big tanner, though I have some spottiness and freckling (though not on eyelids). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:01 AM Flag
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healthy = whole foods, mostly plants, not to much [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:08 AM Flag
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UB recommended a book, truth on cosmetic surgery, summary chapter on that procedure is great, but if you want a longer review spend the $10 to read it (worth it IMHO before surgery) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:09 AM Flag
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My daughter had 2 of these surgeries and they both failed, making her droopier than before and now scarred. (She's had it from birth so her circumstances are different than yours). That said, my advice would be to visit several surgeons to see what they would advise, and make sure you ask each of them about the possible risks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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Go to Barry Weintraub. Very natural result- he’s an artist [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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I had this done at about 48. I have (had) my dad's hooded eyes and they were beginning to droop too. It just made me look tired. I'm thrilled with the result--looks very natural, scar in eyelid crease and I can't see it even with a magnifying mirror. Recovery was very easy--within 3 days I could put on makeup and go out in public. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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Please share -- who did the surgery? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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Unfortunately, I'm not in NYC; I live in midwest. It was a local plastic surgeon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:55 AM Flag
[ - ] What is the best app to track your kids. Not find iPhone but something that would display the “tracks” for the day . 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:58 PM Flag
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I just use the app Life 360. It’s free. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:07 PM Flag
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Does it show a trail of where your kid has been ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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Yes. Shows real time too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:11 PM Flag
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I second Life 360, it’s great! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:19 PM Flag
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I found life 360 annoying with its constant updates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:53 PM Flag
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You can turn that off in settings on your phone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:51 AM Flag
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Also use Life 360 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:43 AM Flag
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I use it too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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Why do you want to do this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:11 PM Flag
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Not that op but I worry about my not quite 5ft tall 12 yr old dd on a 45 min commute. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:54 AM Flag
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Your knowing where her phone is won't make her safe. Better to teach her street smarts and people skills. Lots of kids with phones are completely incompetent when nobody is holding their hand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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Not more safe but to know where she HAS been [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.06.19, 04:46 AM Flag
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So she knows where they are? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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We track each other through the text messaging app (you share your location with someone). I can see where my dd is and dh too at any time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:22 PM Flag
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My dd and her friends track locations of each other--seems weird for them but she says it's normal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:35 PM Flag
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they are not really tracking each others, its more a way to know who is doing what [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:32 AM Flag
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I vote normal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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I vote not normal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:47 AM Flag
[ - ] What’s the chance I’ll find street parking on 11th ave and 58th st early afternoon tomorrow? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:30 PM Flag
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I am Tarot Parking Mom. The cards show the wand of NYC transit cops are in your favor. But only after sundown. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:32 PM Flag
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Why? What is going on there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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Scheduled alien landing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:45 PM Flag
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there are metered spots on 11th [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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There isn't a lot of street parking available in that area. Download SpotHero and put it in a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:51 PM Flag
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I use parking app ( best parking) to book a spot 10 mins after I need it. When I get to the area I scout for a free street spot, if I find one I cancel the garage , which is free up until the reservation time. If I dont find a street spot, I have a garage spot cheaper than if I just show up. It doesnt matter if you show up 10 mins early. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:21 PM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:56 AM Flag
[ - ] Is UVA a teach for everyone or a match for some? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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Reach [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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It should always be considered a reach. It's a match for some - but if you are, you will be made aware ahead of time. If you're not made aware, it's not you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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I’m confused. How will you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:48 AM Flag
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It is not a reach for Virginians. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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Yeah it is. You still have to be at the top of your class to go there. My kids went to Berkeley and UCLA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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From VA or CA? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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U Mich is a reach for out of staters but not in state [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:25 PM Flag
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true [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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