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09.04.19, 13:50 PM General Topics
98 replies
My 5 yo DC started school in a new town yesterday, and it went pretty well. However, she wants to take a day off today. She might be a bit tired as she was out of school for 6 months or so. Is this acceptable? Or do you send her to school anyways? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:50 PM Flag
 

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No, she has to go to school. She'll perk up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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Both my husband and I are trying but we can not convince her. She swears she will go tomorrow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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SMH [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:58 PM Flag
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Are you a JW? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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What's that acronym? Jehovah's Witness? Jewish Witch? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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no. absent a medical condition, she goes to school today. if she breaks you now, you are done. nobody's kid wanted to wake up early to go to school today. rip the bandaid off and get used to the routine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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How do you do this when a child is not willing? Do you drag your DC? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Yes. You ARE still bigger than she, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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Wow that looks like a controlling, violent parent to me and the message you’re sending is that you can force people to do what you want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:05 PM Flag
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Hey Trollina, what's up? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:05 PM Flag
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Hey everyone’s-a-troll-thinkina. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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School isn't all that. You don't even have to get vaccinated to go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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No, it is something you have to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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What makes you think you have to do that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:18 PM Flag
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The law for one. All children have to go to school. This isn't being "violent". I guess your kids don't hold your hand crossing a street or use a car seat or get shots. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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We have a choice to homeschool her also [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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Ok, homeschool her then. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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Have fun with that. Every day can be a sick day! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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I don't think she has kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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Doubt it's a "she" either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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I know. It's that loser troll who has his hands down his shorts and gets a boner from this. Weak ass middle school minded POS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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Wow, you sound so elegant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:31 PM Flag
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How old are you? This is school, she is a child. Not everything is easy peasy. It’s a parent’s job to introduce the world to their kids. And it’s a parent’s role to raise happy, healthy, little people to meet the eventual expectations of the real world and society. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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i wouldn't need to. my kid doesn't think school is optional. generally, my kid responds to a good rationale conversation, but if not, I could get her there with a change in tone, language and demeanor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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You mean threat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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You're boring. The market not doing well today Brad? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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She won't though. I taught at a preschool the SECOND day is much worse than the first. The kids realize that this is their life from now on. Did she go to preK at all? Just tell her you can't wait to hear about her day when you get home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:20 PM Flag
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OP. That makes sense the second day is the worst. She didn’t have any problem with the new school but I guess she’s not super excited either? She started preschool at 2.2 but was in pre-k only for 4 months or so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:28 PM Flag
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Yes it's hard, but literally harder on the parents. Her teacher will be happy to see her (you can give her a head's up that your dd is experiencing a lot of reluctance). Next morning get up earlier so you're not rushed and can get her there on time. Maybe have a surprise for her that she can open, but only if she gets to school (small thing). Soon it will become habit and she'll be OK. Don't give in to her though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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I’m going to email her teachers now. I’m just not a fan of bribing (although I know it works). Hopefully things will work out tomorrow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:34 PM Flag
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It's a treat. My kids got little treats from time to time and grew up without expecting anything. It's OK. Call it however you want to. I told my dc's we'd have a treat after school (ice cream cone) and that was that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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This. No harm in a little treat for facing something you have to do. I get a coffee down the street if I work hard all morning, lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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It is not a bribe. it is positive reinforcement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:58 PM Flag
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"Convince" her? That's not the way life works between parents and five-year-olds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:12 PM Flag
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School. The only cure for low tone is doing the work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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Is this for real? Send her to school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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How do you do this when a child is not willing? Do you drag your DC? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:58 PM Flag
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Lady, you have a long road ahead of you if you can't figure this out at this stage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Are you a JW? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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np. absent illness, my kid would never consider school optional. you need to re-write whatever narrative your DC has in her head that school is an option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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This. she thinks its optional because she had a long break. You need to redfine it asap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:14 PM Flag
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First try bribing. If that doesn't work, you have to pick up and carry her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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No bribing. That’s just not morally correct and they learn nothing from it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:07 PM Flag
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You do not bribe a kid to go to school. Skipping isn’t an option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:09 PM Flag
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You are the parent. You have an issue with your power dynamic if your 5 year old can't be directed verbally what to do. You don't get to take a day off of school because you are tired. You can take a nap afterschool. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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You sound like a controlling parent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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No. She is an in control parent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:10 PM Flag
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The person in control is controlling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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As a parent should. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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Not really, your DC will grow up to be an obedient idiot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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STFU idiot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:20 PM Flag
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Wow you sound so intelligent. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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the child will show up to work and be a responsible adult even if they "feel tired". yours will sleeping in your basement [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:15 PM Flag
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that must be a joke? controlling means getting your kid to school even when the kid doesn't want to go? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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kid is 5! she will do what you tell her to do. and yes drag if needed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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Should I call child service for yours? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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Please call and say you saw a mom carry her child to Kindergarten. i am sure they will run right over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:00 PM Flag
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you need to speak with authority. Dont show hesitation or doubt. Tell her she has to go to school. It shouldnt get to a point where you have to physically drag her. Maybe a threat " if we arent out the door by 8:30 am tomorrow, no treat after school. If she lays on the floor saying she wont go. Tell her every minute that passes, she loses a treat ( or cartoons, or whatever she likes) for another day. I would treat the battle as though you were insisting she not be late, and IGNORE that she is considering not going. If all else fails. Say you will drag her. Iv never had to do this though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:12 PM Flag
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This post is totally fake. No parent is this incompetent 5 years in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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totally fake . agree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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You have to be a parent and she the child, she cannot order you around, if this is at 5, I dread to think what you are going to go through when she is 13, grow a backbone and do your parenting job [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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Fake [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 PM Flag
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I call troll on this post. No one can be this dense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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nope [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:05 PM Flag
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Wow, harsh responses. Separation at 5 can be really hard for some kids. Can you tell her that you will wait outside until she is settled and give her some treat to look forward to after? Like going to get a new book or an ice cream? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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The responses are harsh because the post is fake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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If they think the post is fake why are they responding seriously? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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Because it became apparent that after OP started responding with nonsense. Take a careful look. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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^^strike the word "that" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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But the responses were already harsh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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If you think practical means harsh, then okay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:33 PM Flag
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When my son was going in to K, he had a really hard time leaving me. I dont why you would think this is fake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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It’s OP’s responses which are over the top. I don’t deny that it’s hard for some kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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We all know it hard for the kids. It is the parent saying it is controlling to tell her to go to school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:01 PM Flag
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Dude, she's going. Maybe she hasn't been in pre K or nursery school. K is different. It's not optional. Be mellow and kind, but firm. 'Honey, you do need to go to school. I'm excited for you. There are tons of new friends to meet and new activities to take part in.' The take her hand and walk her out. Don't fight, don't bargain. Be calm. You're in charge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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She entered preschool at 2.2. I do that but she refuses and go crazy. My husband couldn’t either [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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Well then you're a failure. Sorry. I'd call CPS on you guys then. You can't parent and are losers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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You sound angry and stressed out. Didn’t take vacation this summer? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:29 PM Flag
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OR: I didn't right this. You are not a failure. Jesus. But you do need to change things up. Your method isn't working and you need to change things. Your daughter cannot be controlling this process. There are ways to get her to go that do not involve you throwing her over your shoulder. Incentive chart, making a game out of it, calmly guiding her hand as you walk. If she is truly having major episodes, involve the school social worker. My son had major anxiety and just the fact that the SW was going to meet us in front of school to help him walk in worked wonders. If you and DH can't handle this, ask teachers for help. You need to nip this in the bud now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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I think you should see if she can articulate why she doesn't want to go--and talk to her teacher about helping her. Does she have any friends in the class yet? I would start making playdates asap to help her build some connections. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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omg. 'write' this. I need coffee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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She refuses and goes crazy because you (and your husband, apparently) are allowing her to do so. My god, she's five. Do you realize what she'll be like at 15 if you continue what appears to be your "child led" style of parenting. Buck up and parent. Tell her she's going to school, she will love it, tell her all the exciting things she can do at a real school, and then TAKE HER TO SCHOOL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Agree with you but one thing - this is not child led parenting. This is just avoiding confrontation with a strong willed child. Not the same. Child led parenting is not authoritarian, it is stuff like "do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes?" "do you want to ride your scooter or your bike to school?" This stuff: avoiding sending your child to school because it is a battle, letting them not take medicine, avoid vaccinations - those things are not child led parenting, they are negligence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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Oh ok--I wasn't using that term in the technical sense, I guess. I actually parented my now almost grown DCs the way you mentioned (choices where they could have choices) but OP's style of parenting, whatever it is called, is ridiculous (at least in this situation). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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then you carry her in. One day in pre-k, after a long break, my DC wouldnt let m leave. she was crying and clinging to me. It got to a point that the teacher had to pry her off of me and i had to leave. i felt like a monster. Guess what. The next day, DC didnt even want to have that kind of a scene. she sadly hugged me and said goodbye. after a week she was barely waving me goodbye so she could play w her friends [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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I cried every day for months when my mom took me to elementary school. The teacher literally sat me outside in the hallway. Lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:22 PM Flag
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One little girl in my ods's K class cried walking in to school for the first 2/3 of the year. The teacher just didn't make a big deal about it and she would usually stop about 5-10 min in to class time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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I still remember that dark hallway (PS 11, ha ha). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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:( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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WTF? She only went one day! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:33 PM Flag
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Is this K? It’s not mandatory so I would let her rest unless you don’t have childcare. First grade is mandatory so she shouldn’t be able to do this next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Kindergarten is mandatory in NY. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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In most states where it is not mandatory, if you are enrolled and don't go you fall under the truancy laws. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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Nope, if you do it with K, DC is going to think you can do it with first--K and first aren't going to look any different to her, and she's going to think that since it worked for K, it's going to work for first. Same battle with a more entrenched, older child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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One note - if she stays home it is a boring day. She didn't feel well so she spends the day in bed. No TV or electronics until after 3. No fun games with mom or dad. Make it clear that if she was in school she would be having fun. My son pulled this once later in the year - he was so bored he never did it again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:37 PM Flag
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School refusal is a very real thing and it's a slippery slope that can get bad fast (google it). You need to strike a balance between validating her feelings ("Honey, I get it you're tired and don't feel like going...") with boundaries ("...but you have to go anyway.") If she is used to pitching a fit to get her way, then she needs to learn that pitching a fit isn't going to work. You can remain calm but firm and do not waiver on the message that she has to go. It's not "bribing" to reward her for appropriate behavior. That is called behavior reinforcement. Bribing would be giving her candy now because she promises to go tomorrow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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Well it’s pretty much the same thing, just bribing before or after lol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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