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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Any financial savvy moms out there? I started a 529 for my dd pretty much from birth. I'm stil concerned I'm not saving enough for her because I'd love it if she didn't need to take out any loans. Hopefully she'll be brillant and get a scholarship but if not how much should I save monthly for a state school and how much for private? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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our goal is to have 250k in each child's 529 by the time they go to college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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That's great, how much do you save each month per child? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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i think we put in 12k last year for each child. next year dh said something about putting 55k towards both??? it does something like max it out for a coupke of years. i'm not entirely sure, but you could probably talk to an accountant about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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^^^sorry, so that would be a thousand a month. we dont do monthly deposits though - lump sums at some point during the year. usually we do it right before year end to save on the taxes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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Thanks! I'm not sure we can afford quite that much but as dd will no longer require to have pre school tuition paid and is going to public school this frees up the budget a bit to up her 529. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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that's great. it's really a good avenue to direct moeny and saves you taxes. do what you feel comfortable with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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I'm not savvy, but I looked online and private could cost $100K per year by the time a baby now gets to college! That being said, I am putting away what I can now but you are supposed to do your 401K first. We also just try to save in general. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 AM Flag
[ - ] Can someone help me through this strange phase I'm going through? I have a 3.5yr old girl, and a 3.5 m/o boy, and I don't feel like I'm bonding great with the baby. It still feels hard to me to have 2 kids, have a baby again, and now be back at work. But shouldn't I know that this gets better? Why have I lost all perspective? I feel so stuck in it now. Any advice? BTDT? Thanks. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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It is hard to have all that you have on your plate and maybe you just need to let yourself be "not so great" or Supermom right now. It's a day at tme and a week at a time sort of thing... Can you get any time at all - an hour here or there - for yourself ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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Thanks. Not really much time for myself (I'm also looking for a new job at the same time!). When I get a free hour, I try to spend it with dc #1, because I also miss the alone time we used to have together. My time alone is after they both go to bed, but then I wake up exhausted in the morning. Sigh. It feels tough, but I feel stupid complaining - because I feel I should have more perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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When you're exhausted, perspective is hard to come by. I sometimes told myself "They go through phases, so do adults." You're exhausted and probably looking at what seems like a whole lot of years of being exhausted and pulled in diff. directions, but it will get easier and better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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Thanks. I need to keep hearing that from people who have gone through it. Now that I'm stuck in it, it feels like it'll never get easier! Thanks for the encouragement! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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you're welcome. we all have been there, but some of us like to say that it was all song birds and soft cuddles ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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I think that's normal. I love DC#2, but I (irrationally) resent how much more complicated it can be than when there was just one DB. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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ITA it's certainly not just double the work ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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i find that a lot of people feel like this with second (or later) kids. i think it's b/c we are already used to a different type of interaction. we are used to having kids talk and communicate and demanding a different type of attention. so we think there's no connection with the babies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:08 AM Flag
[ - ] nyc moms is there a stomach bug going around right now? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.02.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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my 3.5 yo had one this past weekend till yesterday. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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op: thanks. 4yo just started and she has high fever and vomiting, hoping its just 24 hours... but it's been worse than any before, so was just curious if a particular bad strain going aruond. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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he was cranky and out of sorts on Saturday, puked on Sunday, had the runs Monday am. Fine by midday Mon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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Yes. It's summer--all kinds of fun viruses out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:56 AM Flag
[ - ] When do babies roll over? My 4 month old hasn't rolled in either direction yet. Normal? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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Normal. Will probably happen soon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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Mine 4 1/2 just started. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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Cool, thanks. Btw, what other stuff is your 4.5 m/o doing? Like sleep and eating wise (or anything else)? This is my first time - no idea what to expect. Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone here have both kids share a room? We need to put db into shared room with older dc, but we're not sure when and how to do it. He's now 4months, and sleeps until 6am. She goes until 7 or 7:15. Should we wait another month or two? TIA. 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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My DCs (3 and 1) share a room. Usually, whoever gets up first wakes up the other one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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Has it really hurt the older one's sleep? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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Not so you'd notice. The older one still naps so makes up for any deficits there. Sometimes, if I hear the younger one and go get her ASAP, the older one stays asleep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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^^The bigger issue for us is bedtime. Older DC goes to sleep after the younger one and often wakes younger DC up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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Yes, I expect bedtime to be a problem for us, too! We often read to older dc in bed before sleep, so I'm not sure how to do that. How do you manage it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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We read to #1 in our bed or in the living room. Sometimes we let him go to bed in our room (he chatters to himself a lot before he falls asleep) and then we carry him into his room when we go to bed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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my 5.5yo and my 3.5yo share. The 3.5 is up at 6:15. Now that school is out, the older guy sleeps till 8. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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mine have shared since the youngest was 9 months, oldest was 4. the older one has almost always slept through whatever noise the little one made (much to my surprise). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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My kids are 4.5 and 6. They have shared a room since the younger was 5mos. The older has always been a very sound sleeper. Younger always needed less sleep. The bigger issue in the bedtime routine if they do not go down at the same time, but you figure it out as you go along. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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Thanks. Can you share your bedtime routine? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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i have three dcs sharing a room. mornings are a problem. whoever wakes up first will end up waking everyone up. that being said, i don't think a month will make a difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:10 AM Flag
[ - ] Moms who have already send a dc to kindergarten, what do I need to get. Any suggestions where to get a backpack and lunch bag? Anything else I am not thinking of for ds. thx. 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.02.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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Backpacks and lunch bags at Lands End. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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Second this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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LL bean is also OK. we got lunchboxes from laptoplunches.com but that's not everybody's style. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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np: you can also try lunchboxes.com [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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any with a lunch box that clips on to the backpack. I get ours at gap. We used to lose a lot of lunch boxes before I discovered them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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We got a list from the teacher, so I would wait for that. But, yes you need a backpack, lunchbox - those are easy - Kmart, Target, online. We had to get a plastic folder with two pockets (Staples) but teacher was VERY specific about which one - so I would just wait until you get the list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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If there's no refrigerator to keep lunches in, get an ice pack as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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If you have not already gotten the backpack -- don't get one with a cute character (like Elmo.) It is ok until about January. By then the cute characters are over and ds has moved on... If you can find a backpack with a strap between the shoulder straps, the kids I saw with them looked much more comfortable with their bags. (I think LL Bean had some nice ones. Paragon has a great selection of bags!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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Junior size backpack from Lands' End - I prefer theirs to LL Bean's. The LE lunchboxes are also good. Mini thermos from thermos.com if your dc likes hot lunch foods. Sharpie markers and ID labels to put dc's name on all his stuff. Any other supplies I would wait and see what dc;s teacher requests. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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^ Oops! I just checked thermos.com and they're not selling products on their site any more. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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you can get thermoses at most discount stores -the overstock place on bwy near houston. or pylones sells high end ones [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:47 AM Flag
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or amazon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:48 AM Flag
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i really don't like shopping at amazon. i find it overwhelming and hard to navigate, plus I can never figure out why somethings I order arrive asap and others I am tracking down (though I pay the same in shipping) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:49 AM Flag
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i like it because i was sucked inot prime so i get free shipping. but yeah, it can be very unweildy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:51 AM Flag
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LOVE Pylones. Pricey, but so pretty! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:01 AM Flag
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we got a thermos for hot food [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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Those who will bring DC's lunch, does school provide lunch but you prefer to bring your own luch? Or all the K don't have school lunch? Will your DC be in public or private school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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np. DC is going to private. The K dc bring lunch from home and eat in the classroom. The next year they start eating school lunch in the cafeteria. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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our public provides lunch but we are vegetarian so many days my child's only choice would be a cheese sadnwich. so I make his lunch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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np: Our DC goes to public G&T in September and they provide lunch. But DC says wants to bring own lunch. I don't know how DC feels if DC is the only one in the class who brings lunch?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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why do you think he will be the only one? in my kid's class it was about even, maybe slightly more brought than bought. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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Really? Soounds good.So DC may not be feel confortable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 08:55 AM Flag
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I meant unconfortable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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and you can always change over to buying if he wants to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 09:00 AM Flag
[ - ] desperately need care in SF today for a 10 1/2-week-old. I haven't slept in 48 hours and can't take care of him. Any agencies to recommend? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.02.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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You might try Town & Country--I think they do SF listings, not just Peninsula. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:46 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm a SAHM and injured my foot and need to get a nanny for about 4 months for 3 y/o and 5 m/o. I'll be home too, doing as much as I can with the kids without walking much. Should I ask for some light housekeeping and if so, what does that mean? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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just think specifially about what you will need to have done, advertise it as light housekeeping and be very specific during the hiring process [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Actually you will need "heavy" housecleaning - will you hire a seperate cleaning service? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:46 AM Flag
[ - ] What was your sch'l for 6mo? When/how often did db eat? Mine has 6oz every 4 hours starting at 7am but can't figure out if I should give solids in between bottle feedings or during or before/after? Did you do solids 2x or 3x a day? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.02.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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we started with solids 1x a day then got to 3x. We usually do solids first and then a bottle, but its a smaller bottle than before the solids started [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know where I can get a small pipe (not necessarily for tobacco if you get my drift) on the UES? It's a hostess gift (i.e. judge her, not me). 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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LOL - i don't think they sell those on the UES; you'll have to head down to Bleeker Street [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:32 AM Flag
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I know, I know...just trying to avoid the subway downtown (I was thinking St. Mark's Pl., actually) since I'm packing and cleaning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:33 AM Flag
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You want abong? Do people still use those? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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no, she wants a batty [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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yup. aka a "one-hitter" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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here in Georgia you cannot legally buy a bong, but you can buy a "waterpipe" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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Go into five different smoke/magazine shops in your neighborhood. Not the ones with fifteen different photography Magazines. The Optimo ones... with Jugs and Hustler. You'll find what you want under the glass counter. You just never noticed it before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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Dude...you rock. Thanks for the explicit directions (OP here, ashamed I didn't think of it myself). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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^^^it was the "Optimo" that clicked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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Ah back in the day, I'd just give her an apple and a piece of tin foil... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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I was turning over the cassette that we taper at Redrocks when the band was just hot so I missed the beginning of this discussion. Kind ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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OP here: I have always relied on the kindness of stoners...er...strangers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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dude... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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yeah, that's where my dh gets our porn. never noticed them before either until he pointed them out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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UPDATE: Got it (store north on 89th & 3rd, East Side of the street in case anyone...well, you know). The sweet old guy gave me the hairy eyeball but hey, I don't have to go back in there. Now I just have to get over my paranoia that I'll get busted for possessing drug paraphernalia on Amtrak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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was it an Optimo? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 10:43 AM Flag
[ - ] has anyone quit their job at the end of their maternity leave? i'm wondering what the ramifications might be if I take leave from work but then immediately announce I'm quitting once I am done with the 3 months. 40 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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Oh, geez, are you trying to start a war on here? Listen, people do it all the time, but it's obviously not the right thing to do and it's one reason why women get a bad name in the workplace. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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Well said. You'll burn the bridge at your current job which could be a problem if you try to re-enter the workforce in the future. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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You might have to pay the company back your medical benefits. There are serious ramifications. And it's not cool. You're better off returning for a few weeks or months, show that you made a real effort to try to make it work, and then quit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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or if you're absolutely sure yo uaren't ging back, just quit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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or just be honest about your intentions... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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two women have both done this at my DH's company. They expected that it would happen so it wasn't a great surprise. It's not the fairest thing to do, but it happens all the time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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why is it not the fairest thing to do? if you tell them ahead of time, they might not give you the leave in the first place. and going through a major life change like having a baby, you sometimes don't know how you'll feel at the end of the leave. (i'm in this situation myself and trying to figure it out too!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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It's not fair to have a company continue to pay you when you are not coming back. That's what unemployment is for. It also keeps them from being able tohire and train a person to take your place. It also - IMHO - makes it more difficlu for other women to be treated respectfully and as equals in the workplace when maternity leave is seen as a way to keep your salary dishonestly. I'm sure many owmen may leave with the intention of returning, but a think a huge number leave knowing they probably will not come back and that reflects badly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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what about the idea that maternity leave is time earned for work already done, not a guarantee for future work? i remember seeing a column in the ethicist about this, and that was the verdict. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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Then everyone "deserves" and has "earned" a few months out of the office. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:35 AM Flag
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whoa! having a baby is totally different from taking a vacation or a sabbatical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 AM Flag
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What I am saying that a three month leave is not "earned for work done" or everyone would have earned time off for work done. Of course having a baby is diff, but I disagree that you have earned anything over and above other employees. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:40 AM Flag
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i think maternity leave is a special situation. it only affects women who are having babies and there doesn't need to be absolute parity with everyone else in the workplace. other countries get this and support new moms -- what's the matter with the usa? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:43 AM Flag
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men deserve the time too don't they ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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good point! one of my male co-workers and his wife adopted a baby and he took three weeks off -- the boss wasn't happy about it but i thought it was awesome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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What we're talking about here is taking the money when you KNOW you will not come back. That is not something anyone deserves. That is stealing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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um. that depends on company policy. If it's just std that you're getting, everyone is entitled to-you've paid into it during your employment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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Doesn't that depend on the company's policy? When I took maternity leave, it wasn't based on tenure. I could have started working on Monday, given birth on Tuesday, and gotten maternity leave. Other firms don't offer maternity leave, but STD. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:15 PM Flag
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Most maternity leave is completely unpaid, or at least mine is. I also have to pay for my insurance fully--that is, pay my regular premium plus what my employer covers now. So, in essence, it's three months of unemployment, with just a guarantee that might job will be there when I get back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:36 AM Flag
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that is diff than at my DH's company where the women are paid and twice have not come back and probably never intended to come back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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That's precisely where I'm at. I hate my job, but I have no idea how I'm going to feel about being home with a baby all day. Will I be begging to come back to work after three months, or will I be desperate to stay home? If I preemptively quit my job then I have no choice at all; if I take the leave but then quit once I'm in it, I fear I'll really f-- things up with my employer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 AM Flag
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if you genuinely don't know, that's different from knowing you won't go back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 AM Flag
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I agree that if you do not know there is no deception. Many women do know and take the paid leave anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:36 AM Flag
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but the effect can be the same -- you go on leave and then don't come back. the employer still has to pay you and can't be searching for a replacement during that time. i'm in this situation and i'm trying to figure out the best way to be fair to my employer (we're a small company and i really don't want to leave them in the lurch) while still giving myself flexibility to make decisions based on how i actually feel, not how i think i might feel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:37 AM Flag
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how good is your relationship with your employer? that's the real problem, is that we arent' safe to be open with them. luckily i was able to sayup front I was coming back only parttime and we made it work. but most parents can't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 AM Flag
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you're right, we can't necessarily speak frankly about our plans (or lack thereof). i'm not in a position where i might get fired but i risk becoming irrelevant the second i imply that i might not come back f/t. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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Look, you're in a more moral position than most in that you seem to have more of your conscience at work than many others who feel that it is OK to "say" they'll be back when odds are they will not be back. I'm sure you willmake the decision that is best for you and your family and if you make that decision honestly, there's nothing else anyone can ask of you ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:43 AM Flag
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thanks! that's so good to hear. it's such a sticky situation to navigate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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onward, and good luck in the navigation ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:47 AM Flag
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ita. i'm facing this myself. this is our first kid. i'm just not sure how i'm going to feel in a few months. i won't intentionally screw anyone over, but may not be able to work crazy, unpredictable hours with a db. have to wait and see what it's like. it seems fair to allow women to take some time to decide. (also, i only get six wks paid "disability" leave. then it's just them holding a job for me). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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I did it. I did not plan to do so, but I was offered a much better job during my maternity leave. I was very honest with my company (the new one offered me 50% more money) so they understood. They said sometimes they do make the woman pay back the money, but in my case they decided to be nice to me. There were no hard feelings. A couple of years later, they even offered me to come back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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During my maternity leave, I called my company's HR dept (since they've outsourced it) & asked about the ramifications about not coming back. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do even up until the very end. FYI, my company pays 8 weeks of full salary & gives you the 12 weeks of leave while guaranteeting your job. (I hear NJ residents have a better leave policy as it is partially determined by state law, as I understand it.) ANyway the HR person told me that there would be no paying back the money I received even if I quit the day my leave ended. I took the 8 weeks paid leave & then on the 10th week called my boss & asked for a PT position explaining that I wanted to be my child's primary caregiver. (Some of the reasons: I don't love my job, I am not compensated exceptionally, I wanted to nurse & care for my baby most of the time & my hubby's job allows me the freedom to decide whether to work or not.) I ended up getting a position of 16 hours/week which has allowed me to stay in the game, get out of the home for a bit, and learn to leave my baby with another loving caretaker--which has not been easy. Some days I wish I could go back full-time, or SAH completely, but that's life. And I'm sure once I stop nursing, I'll have a new set of feelings too. Things change all the time, but the reality is that it's good to keep your foot in the door and if needed, leave on good terms. Being a mom & making these decisions is definitely not easy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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how did you get ub to post your very long post? I always get cut off... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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At my firm, the company will sue to recover salary paid during leave and the company's contribution to health and dental benefits. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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Ugh. I struggled with this. I went out on leave fully expecting to return. Then while I was out on leave, my group reorganized and my job description was re-written. My responsibilities were expanded and I would have had to be in the office at least 60 hours a week. When I resigned (this schedule would not work with a newborn), the company tried to recover the cost of my benefits while I was out. I ultimately won and didn't pay them back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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It happens all the time and was what I did when I had my first dd. I was working in management consulting with predominately men. I had much anxiety about this and spoke to family and close friends about what I should do. Every person encouraged me to take my maternity. It is how you have managed and continue to manage your relationship with your boss and peers. My personal experience was that once my boss got over the inital disappointment of losing me, he was fine and wished me well. He calls me consistently to inquire about my family and has offered me three different jobs in the last 3 years. I also maintain contact with two of the partners I worked closely with who have children as well. If you have made contributions throughout your career, they will get over it. Do what you must do for you and your family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 03:19 AM Flag
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I would actually encourage you to go back and try working for a little bit. I made myself go back for 3 months and when I got to 3 months I wanted to keep working, but talked them into a 4-day schedule. I love having a foot in the door and a second identity. You can ALWAYS quit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 07:35 AM Flag
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I'm a female business owner who has seen several employees go out on maternity leave, only to come back and ask for a part-time situation, which we have tried to accommodate. Both times I had arguments with my male bus. partner about the employee's sincerity, and in the case of the most recent leave, I felt compelled to defend her sincerity about wanting to return to the (male) client, whose wife had screwed her company by waiting until the end of her leave to resign, so he assumed all women operated that way. I feel you should be as honest as you possibly can. I hate that many men will dismiss women once they become pg, concluding that they will not return, and their bias is reinforced when it's handled dishonestly. I say this knowing that many women have a change of heart or are sincerely undecided, but you should try to be honest for the sake of other women who face this situation...including some of us who employ others and really want to be family-friendly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 08:47 AM Flag
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true, women may reinforce this bias by quitting, but it is also that bias which causes them to quit. when I became pg, my boss started giving me lousy cases (he told me so) b/c I "probably wouldn't be around much longer anyway" it was clear that my status as a mother was going to be a problem. I was told that "no accommodations" would be made for me. I wanted to go back to work (still do) but I couldn't go back into that hostile enviro. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 06:32 AM Flag
[ - ] Is it possibly to hire a professional nanny in NYC? How do I find one? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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What do you mean by professional? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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trained as a career [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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My nanny has been a nanny for almost 20 years. I found her on Craigslist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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OP probably means something like they have in London...like Supernanny. It's an actual career, not just people babysitting and calling themselves nannies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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np: those nannies are a lot less common in the US, but i think there are some. expensive and i'd bet you need to gothrough an agency. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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OR: That's why I asked. I consider my nanny a professional--and she thinks of herself that way--and she's certified in CPR, etc., but I wondered if OP had something particular in mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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OP: Yes, I mean career, like Supernanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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why would you want that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:15 AM Flag
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I still don't know what you mean by career. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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she means they went to nanny school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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there is no school in america that provides this training. You would need to contact the schools in England and ask if they can put you in touch with any of their graduates here in America, or pay to fly one here if you are looking for a live-in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 02:38 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone take their toddler to a pediatric gi? if so, what do they do on the first visit? want to prepare my dd (almost 3). 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.02.08, 06:00 AM Flag
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I think they often put a thin tube down the nose to the throat with a scope that can see. They spray something in the nose that numbs it first. I don't know if this will be the case with your dc. We took an infant (a few months old) who had that done to check for reflux. Later, we took our 6 yr old and warned him that this might happen. I told him that if it did, he could pick any present and he'd get it, but only if he had to do that procedure. He picked something he really wanted. When dr. said he should have this, my ds was so excited that dr. thought he was nuts because clearly most kids hate to have this done. I think it's pretty uncomfortable, but just for a minute or two -- no lasting effects. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:25 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone else find these "hire my wonderful nanny" posts odd? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 05:33 AM Flag
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yes. I always find it odd when people say they're going to find another job for their nannies/babysitters. If you happen to know of another family that needs them, fine. But advertising someone else feels like slavery. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 05:51 AM Flag
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Helping someone find gainful employment is like slavery? Okaaaaaaaaaay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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OP LOL! I just meant it's odd on an anonymous website to advertise something that personal. Just doesn't seem to fit in somehow [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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np: I look at it as a "paying it forward" kind of thing. I mean snarkiness aside, everyone is here for the same reason. We love our kids. If I had somebody I knew was good at looking after my kids, I'd feel obligated to pass that on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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good point. I guess it just seems like there would be better places to post that but maybe you are on to something [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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In my life, UB is uniquely specific for this kind of thing. Granted some nannies may know about it. Some may even post here. But I think it is best suited for this kind of stuff. It has replaced the back fence for the harried urban parent... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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np: if you don't know anybody that's looking, and you want to help the nanny, how else do you propose one do it? after all, the nanny isn't losing her job through her own fault. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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OP I get that. I'm just saying it seems like an odd place to post it and that I find it weird that there are so many of these. Just strikes me as odd is all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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I think it's a real example of people having truly developed positive relationships w/ their childrens' caregivers. This site is all about people w/kids-even the nutty, twisted-sounding and competitive ones believe they're seeking the best situations for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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it's like slavery in the sense of "I have this great nanny and we're done with her-- we'll give her to your family now." PLUS since this is an anonymous board, the poster could be (1) the nanny herself (2) a relative/friend of the nanny (3) someone I don't know who has terrible judgment about childcare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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i don't get the slavery analogy. its worse to hlep her find a job than to not? when she is out fo work nto because of anythign she did? I agree that reliabilty is an issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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i have posted for my nanny. i think it's a combination of several things. guilt for letting them go, an awareness that their financial situation is really shaky, an honest wish to have her find a good job that'll treat her well. (i realize that these things are not always true, but they were in my case) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:13 AM Flag
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^^^plus, some of my nannies didn't have computers and couldn't look online or post online for themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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Absolutely not odd. It's a nice thing to do if you've loved your nanny and your family no longer needs her. Why not help someone who has cared for your nearest and dearest in such a wonderful way find a new family? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 07:22 AM Flag
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