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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] i posted yesterday about dd starting camp and saying the girls were mean to her. I was never particularly concerned with my own popularity (i was a bookworm and space cadet) but i am concerned about dd being well liked. so two questions: is this a bad thing for me to be thinking about and secondly, what is it that makes a child well liked? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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^^and i want to add that in my mind, there's a difference between being popular and being well liked. i don't want her to be a queen bee or popular, i just want her to be well liked. or am i splitting hairs? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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Sorry, you will have no control over this, the only thing you can tell her is to be herself. Kids are shitty to each other at times. Other alternative: Watch Sweet 16, loaded kids always have friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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I posted below. I told my dd that the most important thing is that she's true to herself. Her true friends will accept her the way that she is. If she finds herself trying to be someone else to please others, that's not worth it and those aren't her true friends. She's 8yr and very well liked by all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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op: thanks for the responses. i told dd that everywhere she goes she's going to meet girls that are going to be mean. the trick is to find the girls that are nice and play with those girls instead. which i think helped. she tends to focus on the negative so a lot of times she makes things sound worse than they are. but i find myself worrying about her having the "right" clothing, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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you did fine and btw don't worry about the clothing issue. If you don't make it an issue, she won't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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of course it's normal that you want your dc liked by others. You don't want them to be teased or left out. I was the chubby, straight A nerd in school so I was left out, teased and I was also shy. It was so hard for me and I hoped so much my kids wouldn't be shy. I thank god every day that my dds are so outgoing and kids want to be friends with them. I always complimented my kids as they were growing up, I never discouraged them wanting to meet new kids..I would encourage it. I basically did everything my mom didn't do with me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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np: I bet you did very well in school though - and have/had a great career [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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yes I did fine in school but socially I bombed. It wasn't until my late teens that I started to think to hell with everyone. I'm 40 yr old and still shy BUT I do work at it. I have children and need to be social for all our sakes. It gets easier but I still struggle [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I get the distinction you're making--between popular & well-liked. I don't know if it's different for boys. DS just finished kindergarten and surprised me by being very well-liked by the kids in his class (he didn't talk much at all during preschool--hence the surprise). I think what makes him well-liked is 1) he's very creative in his play & can include lots of kids in what he's doing 2) he's pretty nice to the girls as well as the other boys and 3) a few moms commented that he's very much who he is--very upfront about himself--and the other kids like that confidence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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con't--I think most of this is just how he is, but we do talk a lot at home about differences, respecting them, the importance of kindness to others. I also spend time at bedtime--when he's most receptive--talking to him about feelingsy type stuff and doing soem role-playing when he's having a hard time w/ another kid (for example). We'll so how it all goes with DD--she's only 2.5 and v. diff from DS, but I already emphasize kindness to her a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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I had a circle of wonderful friends and was always well-liked by them but definitely wasn't cool or popular in the mean girls sense. I was fine with that and didn't aspire to be part of the cooler crowd b/c I had a lot of confidence. That's what helped me make real friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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Popular = pretty and wealthy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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not necessarily the case when I was in school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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I understand that lately being good at sports can also help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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oh was excelling at the violin the popularity-maker for your school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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OP: thanks for all the responses. a lot of food for thought here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:50 PM Flag
[ - ] So irritated with DH. So irritated. We are in the middle of a move. He has been in the house for a week alone since the movers couldn't get our stuff to us until tomorrow (yes, that's 4th of July). I have been staying with my parents out of town. I am coming back to meet the movers in the am. I am 8 mo pg. Obviously this is stressful for everyone but he is being SUCH an asshole. Just sniping at me and being rude and unpleasant. I should mention that he is not participating in the move since he is on call tomorrow (he only has 1 patient to deal with but somehow this exempts him from the day). Grrr. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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that sounds really stressful. DH and I always snipe at each other during times like moving, packing for vacation etc. Just always seems to happen. We can sometimes head it off if we discuss it though. Try that and see if it helps [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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It's clearly a really high stress time for both of us and I know that's what's driving his behavior, but it still irritates me! Is he not aware that there is another person involved here?!? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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^^And the constant bitching about being on call really gets me. I'm an MD too and you don't hear me whining like a small child every time I'm on call! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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LOL! I hear you. Men can be big babies. Try talking to him if you can. If not just grit your teeth and know it will be over soon. GL with everything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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He needs to grow up! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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No kidding!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm due in August but moving across the country soon after the birth, like one month after. My friend wants to buy me a basinett, but I was given a brand new, in the box Graco Pack & Play, that says it acts as a basinett. I don't want a lot of stuff in my apt, is a Pack & Play as good as a basinett? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 07.03.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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We never used a basinett at all but the P&P would have been fine [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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thanks, I have a crib at my new house, I'm not buying another crib one for 4 weeks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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Pack and Play usually states not to use unattended. They do not meet SIDS standards, get a portable crib (they look like pack and plays, but are called cribs instead). Otherwise you are putting your child at risk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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np seriously? That is news to me. We used the bassinet part as her bed and then removed it and she slept in there for months til we moved and had room for a crib. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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check the directions to see, but I know that this is why they market the travel cribs differently. They have to do way more testing on the travel cribs to prove they're safe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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well DD is 3.5 now - way too big for the PnP. Guess we got lucky [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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the risk of sids isn't that great anyway, so the chances were low of anything happening to your dd. But I wouldn't knowingly do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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P&P usually has a piece that can only be used by infants as a bassinet. You'll be fine. If you are moving, a gift card would be better, but of course you can't tell her that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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neither one is really necessary. for myself, i liked having a bassinet but it's completely not mandatory. the benefit of the pack and play is that you can use it for when your child is older as well. that being said, i never liked putting a newborn into a pack and play. either way, if it's your first child and you have no pets, you can manage without either one...you can just put your baby into a car seat/infant seat or on a blanket on the floor. if you live in a large house, you'll have more need of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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most have a bassinet attachment - kind of a smaller little bed that attaches to the rails. Baby is higher up and easier to pick up and put down etc. That's what we used instead of a bassinet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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I already have the Pack & Play, so it's done, I just wanted to know if that was ok to keep your newborn in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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not unattended... It's a sids hazzard [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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unless the directions say otherwise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks. I never heard of the SIDs hazzard, but then again I never looked into it. You all have valid points, Thanks for your responses! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:43 PM Flag
[ - ] has anyone joined the Disney Vacation Club (basically Disney time share)? Your thoughts? What made you go with it or stay away from it. TIA. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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I wish I could afford to do it..I would. We go there yrly and it would be worth it for us but $$ is tight for us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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supposedly its not just Orlando or just Disney hotels. For example, you can go to Sandestin, FL or the Loews Regency Hotel in NY. Just didn't know if someone had a good or bad experience with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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yes agree you are able to use it at other resorts. I don't know anyone who has bought into it but it looked good to us when we got the info [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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thanks anyway. The origination fee is bad, but doable. Its the annual fee that has me thinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Best products for wavy, fine, shoulder length hair? Looking for more curls and body. TIA! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:15 PM Flag
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I have your hair but its very thick - I use Kerastase. I haven't found anything that actually enhances curl/wave (though many products claim to do this). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:37 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone out there who built a wall to convert dining alcove to additional bedroom - how much did the construction cost? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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we added a 12 foot wall in our living room. it was 6 feet of wall and 6 feet of pocket french doors. the labor, materials and painting the new room was about $2,500. This was four years ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Moms with thick, curly hair: PSA to try Garnier Curl & Shine shampoo and conditioner. My hair went from huge frizz ball to nice ringlets. Thought first time was fluke, but same thing today. Am convert 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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oh thanks. I need help. My curls are just blah and frizzy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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Oh thanks! I've been loving Pantene anti-frizz myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:01 PM Flag
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that's good to know. thanks. I've been using Pantene anti-frizz, but am ready for a change. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:03 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone have a newborn? how do you get him/her to sleep for the night? i mean what do you do? rock? nurse? and, how often do you feed at night. i have a 14 bs two month old who still wants to eat every 2 hours all night. normal?? am so tired. have a 3yo too. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.03.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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are you breast feeding? I did both but would give formula at night. She would sleep longer with the formula. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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Yeah, normal for bf. My dd is 10 months old and still bfs many times a night. Breastmilk digests in less than 2 hrs. Here is a link for you: http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html I hope *you* are getting the sleep you need (if not, how can you? mother's helper so you can nap? etc... think about what creative solutions might work for you, if you want to continue bfing-- it's definitely possible!) gl... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:23 PM Flag
[ - ] Taking db to visit DH's parents. Told them I would be shipping our luggage ahead of time. They claimed that receiving the luggage was too much effort (they have a doorman) and that I should just check the bags. So I shipped to a mailbox store, and they are now pissed at me. I can't win. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:38 PM Flag
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Ridiculous. But I think it's party generational. My parents think the whole idea of shipping luggage is crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:41 PM Flag
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If they were volunteering to escort me on the flight, handle the luggage, and pay for it I wouldn't insist on shipping. But with no help and baggage fees what they are....I'm shipping. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:44 PM Flag
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Are they angry because they have to pick it up? Or because they think it's unnecessary? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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They don't have to pick it up. I'll pick it up when I arrive. They think I am being wasteful to ship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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Unless it's their money you're wasting, tell them to MYOB. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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Ha! They won't be bothered to let their doorman accept a suitcase and carry it to their door. Do you really think they are opening their wallet for me? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:51 PM Flag
[ - ] my friend just got someone great from aupair.com. im thinking of trying that out. anyone with experience on this matter? were you happy with your aupair? any bad experience? (as in you get someone creepy moving into your place etc?) TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.03.08, 04:23 PM Flag
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My SIL had a miserable experience. She got a very immature au pair who really didn't understand that childcare was her job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:33 PM Flag
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I know two families who have au pairs and love them. not sure if they used aupair.com, but the au pairs are both from south africa. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:20 PM Flag
[ - ] looks like this pregnancy is going to stick! hcg leves are 9400 at 5.5 wks... no heart beat yet though.... but progesterone levels are also normal. Will they be able to see hb next u/s on fri?? (had a m/c in april) 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:10 PM Flag
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GL. I had a scan at 6.5wks (by my dates) and no heartbeat. A week later there was one. My pg was normal. More GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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congrats! I was able to see the HB at 6 wks all 3 times. GL on Fri [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:16 PM Flag
[ - ] Speaking of affairs. Do you think it's okay if married man decides to have relationship with other married woman (other than his wife) if they both get something out of it that they cannot find in their marriages? And it works because they both know they can never be together so they just take what they can from it? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:07 PM Flag
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No. Because the non affair partners are being lied to and cheated. If the marriage is bad try to fix it or separate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:09 PM Flag
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A man I know made a pass at my DF when he had been married for less than a week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:12 PM Flag
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He sounds bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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As far as I know he has never been faithful in any of his relationships. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:18 PM Flag
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np: my frenemy got married and on her honeymoon her dh cheated. As much as we don't get along anymore, I was sad for her to go through this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:17 PM Flag
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What a sh*t. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:18 PM Flag
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yes I didn't know him (we weren't friends when she met him) but I heard from a mutual friend that this happened. Horrible [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:31 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:26 PM Flag
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I don't think it's OK - but I think it happens sometimes, especially in situations where both the married man and married woman are not having sex in their own marriages. Neither couple wants a divorce because of children, but their spouses are uninterested in sex. In that case, it's not really "right" but going without sex is not a great choice, either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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Nope. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.08, 03:03 PM Flag
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It's ok if the guy has sex with another married guy, but not a married woman. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.08, 04:16 PM Flag
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YES! And wives, of course, can also have sex with other women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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I think monogamy is a hard thing to do and not a natural thing, but it is how our society works. Is what you ask OK ? No. Can it "work" ? Probably. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 06:51 AM Flag
[ - ] Speaking of affairs. Do you think it's okay if married man decides to have relationship with other married woman (other than his wife) if they both get something out of it that they cannot find in their marriages? And it works because they both know they can never be together so they just take what they can from it? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.03.08, 04:01 PM Flag
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I think both people would have to have incredible self-control for things to not get complicated. Not to mention the other spouses and maybe kids involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:03 PM Flag
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Snort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:04 PM Flag
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of course not. If they are so unhappy then they should leave their spouse. If they have the affair, they are being selfish and entitled [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:06 PM Flag
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The only time an affair is ok is if your spouse agrees to it (or is in a coma for more than three years). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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I agree. It is never ok to go behind your spouses back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:41 PM Flag
[ - ] All the people involved in the Christie Brinkley divorce are just awful. I just read that the father of his teenage lover approached Christie right before she was supposed to give a speech at some graduation and told her about it - with her son sitting right there to hear it all (and her scummy DH too). What is wrong with that man?! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:57 PM Flag
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yes that man should have NEVEr said anything in front of a child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:00 PM Flag
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it was right after fwiw [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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i don't know any details. and i really do feel bad for everyone. but frankly, if i had found out my 18yo had had an affair with a middle aged man, his wife would not be my top priority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Was able to leave work early -- but then got called about a problem situation (and they needed to bother me about it). Handled it (I think), but now I have to stop obsessing over it! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.03.08, 03:56 PM Flag
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Count your blessings. I'm on a dinner break, then back to the office. And I'm working all weekend. Next day off is mid-July. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:35 PM Flag
[ - ] My dh has 37% motility. 6 mos ttc, nothing yet. TIme to see the fertility doc? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:54 PM Flag
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what's ttc? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:56 PM Flag
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trying to concieve [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:56 PM Flag
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how old are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:56 PM Flag
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almost 38. have one 4 yr old dc, conceived first month ttc with my ex [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:57 PM Flag
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get thee to an RE [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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I agree, especially if it is really important to you to have the second one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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Or pay a visit to the ex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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You are 4 years older. Not just DH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:37 PM Flag
[ - ] I need some advice. Am going to Cuba for a holiday. Started out as just dh and me, then morphed into bringing the 2 kids. Now we're back to the idea of leaving kids with my in-laws. I'm uneasy about leaving 2 young kids with them as they're not that young and spry anymore. Am now looking into getting a nanny to watch the 2 kids for 4 days under my in-laws' supervision. Should I do that or just have a family vacation? WWYD? Thanks! Kids are 3 1/2 and 1 yo. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:53 PM Flag
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I wouldn't bring dcs to Cuba, I doubt that it would be the best place for a family vacation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 03:57 PM Flag
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np: I disagree. Cuba is a wonderful place for a family vacation. The only downside is the lack of direct flights from the US. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 04:36 PM Flag
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You need a nanny with the In-Laws? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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If you don't think you can manage a week without help then get a nanny, it's sounds crazy to have a nanny on a family vacation, with 4 adults and two kids, but if you need to do that then do it. I have a friend who doesn't work, has a full time nanny and a babysitter for her each of her kids, she could not survive a week without help. It's all what you are accustom to I guess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:16 PM Flag
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It can be a bit more complicated than that. I can take care of dc alone. But vacation is really my only time alone with DH and one of the few times I get to spend time with each dc alone. I want a nanny with me so that one dc can go to the beach while the other gets to spend time fishing with me, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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Oh, I thought the In-Laws were going with you and if they were, then you wanted a nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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