UrbanBaby

07.03.08, 17:27 PM General Topics
16 replies

i posted yesterday about dd starting camp and saying the girls were mean to her. I was never particularly concerned with my own popularity (i was a bookworm and space cadet) but i am concerned about dd being well liked. so two questions: is this a bad thing for me to be thinking about and secondly, what is it that makes a child well liked? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.03.08, 05:27 PM Flag

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^^and i want to add that in my mind, there's a difference between being popular and being well liked. i don't want her to be a queen bee or popular, i just want her to be well liked. or am i splitting hairs? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:28 PM Flag

Sorry, you will have no control over this, the only thing you can tell her is to be herself. Kids are shitty to each other at times. Other alternative: Watch Sweet 16, loaded kids always have friends. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag

I posted below. I told my dd that the most important thing is that she's true to herself. Her true friends will accept her the way that she is. If she finds herself trying to be someone else to please others, that's not worth it and those aren't her true friends. She's 8yr and very well liked by all. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:32 PM Flag

op: thanks for the responses. i told dd that everywhere she goes she's going to meet girls that are going to be mean. the trick is to find the girls that are nice and play with those girls instead. which i think helped. she tends to focus on the negative so a lot of times she makes things sound worse than they are. but i find myself worrying about her having the "right" clothing, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:44 PM Flag

you did fine and btw don't worry about the clothing issue. If you don't make it an issue, she won't. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:47 PM Flag

of course it's normal that you want your dc liked by others. You don't want them to be teased or left out. I was the chubby, straight A nerd in school so I was left out, teased and I was also shy. It was so hard for me and I hoped so much my kids wouldn't be shy. I thank god every day that my dds are so outgoing and kids want to be friends with them. I always complimented my kids as they were growing up, I never discouraged them wanting to meet new kids..I would encourage it. I basically did everything my mom didn't do with me. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag

np: I bet you did very well in school though - and have/had a great career [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:41 PM Flag

yes I did fine in school but socially I bombed. It wasn't until my late teens that I started to think to hell with everyone. I'm 40 yr old and still shy BUT I do work at it. I have children and need to be social for all our sakes. It gets easier but I still struggle [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:46 PM Flag

I get the distinction you're making--between popular & well-liked. I don't know if it's different for boys. DS just finished kindergarten and surprised me by being very well-liked by the kids in his class (he didn't talk much at all during preschool--hence the surprise). I think what makes him well-liked is 1) he's very creative in his play & can include lots of kids in what he's doing 2) he's pretty nice to the girls as well as the other boys and 3) a few moms commented that he's very much who he is--very upfront about himself--and the other kids like that confidence. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:31 PM Flag

con't--I think most of this is just how he is, but we do talk a lot at home about differences, respecting them, the importance of kindness to others. I also spend time at bedtime--when he's most receptive--talking to him about feelingsy type stuff and doing soem role-playing when he's having a hard time w/ another kid (for example). We'll so how it all goes with DD--she's only 2.5 and v. diff from DS, but I already emphasize kindness to her a lot. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag

I had a circle of wonderful friends and was always well-liked by them but definitely wasn't cool or popular in the mean girls sense. I was fine with that and didn't aspire to be part of the cooler crowd b/c I had a lot of confidence. That's what helped me make real friends. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:33 PM Flag

Popular = pretty and wealthy [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:35 PM Flag

not necessarily the case when I was in school. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:36 PM Flag

I understand that lately being good at sports can also help [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:37 PM Flag

oh was excelling at the violin the popularity-maker for your school? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:39 PM Flag

OP: thanks for all the responses. a lot of food for thought here. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.03.08, 05:50 PM Flag