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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Things have been a little tight for us since I decided to stay home with DB but now with oil up everything seems to be costing a little more and we are really feeling it. Anyone else? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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We both WOH and we are really feeling it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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oh yeah. When we first moved to our house in '01 the heating bill was $800 for the winter. It was $2500 last winter and I am hearing $5,000 - 5,5000 for this year. I'm totally freaked and thinking about space heaters, plastic wrap over the windows, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:59 PM Flag
[ - ] i am in th emiddle of trying to drop some frenemies by not calling often and declining invites. ran into them at a deli this am and they were so bitchy and basically ignoring me. oh well... 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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maybe they are trying to drop you, too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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they are now that i've been giving them the cold shoulder [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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mission accomplished. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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we were only inviting you to be nice. the truth is, we only liked you because you paid for everything when we went out. dumb-ass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 07:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Have you sold your house yet FSBO mom? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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Not in this market she hasnt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Any lawyer moms on? Trying to decide if we need a last will or a living trust? Does anyone know what the differences are and what sort of assets would call for a trust over a regular will? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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Trusts and wills are not mutually exclusive. You need a Will and a Trust may be recommended if there are assets that require further protection under the direction of a trustee. An example of this is a house left to several siblings and "gifted" over the years while the parents are still alive or a trust set up to protect a minor child within the structure of the will provisions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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Maybe you mean a Living Will. Which you should do in addition to a will. A living will usually covers specific directives as to the course of treatment that is to be taken by caregivers, or, in particular, in some cases forbidding treatment and sometimes also food and water, should the principal be unable to give informed consent ("individual health care instruction") due to incapacity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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no, i'm not talking about a living will. i'm talking about a trust which doesn't have to go to probate plus a pour over will vs just a will [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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we are young, 34, our dds are 3 and 1. we own our apt and have money in the bank etc. 401ks and insurance already have beneficiaries named. so, my question is do we just need a will so that we name a guardian and trustee or would it make sense to have a trust? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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you certainly need a will in which you would name a guardian of your dcs. If you have substantial assets you may or may not want a trust -- e.g., you can save on estate taxes if you have trusts set up. OTOH, you don't want everything flowing into a trust b/c your dcs (presumably) will need to have access to cash immediately, without having to go to trustee to get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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you always should have a will, it may or may not be advisable to set up a trust (e.g. we have most of our life insurance in a trust) -- trusts are generally not necessary if you don't have significant assets. In addition, you can have a revocable living trust -- this is where you put substantially all your assets in a trust, and then when you die, your will isn't probated (so estate can be distributed more quickly, w/lower cost) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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ok. so what does it mean to put your assets into a trust? the trust becomes the owner of the co-op? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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yes, the trust becomes the owner of pretty much everything you own -- it's a way to avoid probate, so long as you don't have more than $X (can't remember, maybe $20K) of assets outside the trust. can be a big PITA, honestly, but it can and does work in the right circumstances (that's why my father did, I was the executor of his estate, it made my life much easier and also I was able to distribute much of the estate in about 9 months after death) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:27 PM Flag
[ - ] how much is the Chanel classic flap bag? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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1000-2000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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try 3-4K. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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np you can get one for less 2k [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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Depends on size. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:01 PM Flag
[ - ] forcing myself and dh to go to a dinner party sat night. i'm a little shy and everyone there knows each other really well. also, it's a much fancier crowd than i'm used to so i'm intimidated already. what should i bring as a gift to the host/hostess? want to avoid wine...flowers? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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a bottle of wine is the best and most acceptable gift to bring. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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how about a fancy candle [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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wine is the only thing to bring [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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I commiserate completely. I find flowers very awkward to carry and hand over. How about a fabulous candle or set of fancy soaps in an amazing box/bag. Presentation is everything for an event like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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a nice candle or bottle of wine or really great box of chocolates. While you're there try to focus on the other people--find out something intersting about them. Focus on putting them at ease--it'll help you feel more comfortable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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np: the kind of group OP is referring to - upscale and already good friends with one another - won't feel ill at ease for one second. Its naive to suggest she is going to help anyone feel more comfortable. The trick here is maintaining confidence throughout the night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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That's not what I meant. I socialize in that kind of group pretty often. I'm not worried about the other party goers--I meant that it will help her feel more comfortable. And I have also been able to have exchanges w/ "upscale" type people where surprising, cool info comes out because I'm actually interested in them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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op - that's exactly it. i really need to figure out how to feel comfortable b/c ideally i'd like to be friends with some of these people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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op- how much $ should i spend on a bottle of wine? don't know host that well but she's been pretty nice since i've met her (thru our dd's) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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$50 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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Don't bring flowers - it's a PITA for the hostess to have to stop whatever she's doing to put them in water. If you don't want to bring wine, then a box of good chocolates is always a good bet. If they are chocoholics (like me) they can tuck them away in the kitchen for themselves later, or they can put them out with dessert, if they don't want to have them hanging around in the house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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candlesticks packaged nicely,nice ribbon, chocolates, wine is the best bet ,neat coasters, or do you know anything about the host/hostess ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:56 PM Flag
[ - ] why do you think that school admissions inpires more jealousy than other things (money, looks, real estate)? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.10.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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because it's all of those things wrapped up in a cute kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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because its the great unknown. how and why they pick certain kids is completely clouded so those that don't make it have nothing to do but vent [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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because looks, $$ and real estate has to do with us. School admissions has to do with our kids and they are a reflection of us that in some ways we can't control- and that makes it much more personal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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Need to prove superiority of Genes. Reflects on the parents' biology and parenting techniques and whatever else one thinks is associated? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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I actually think it's because people really want what's best for their kids and they see placement at a top school and a great education as something that their kids won't have while other kids do. It seems to bring out the worst in people because it hits upon an almost primal urge to take care of their young. I suspect that when the kids are older and are more responsible for their own fate, it might not bring about such deep feelings because it isn't so much a reflection upon the parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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BTW, i don't think that a top school is the only way to get a great education. People thrive in many different schools. I'm just saying that that is the perception or fear I think many people here have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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I agreed with you until you said it changes when they are older. I kind of doubt that it will. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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I think it is the sense of failure for not being able to provide your dc with something that other kids have. It is also related to anxiety that if you don't give it to them, they will fail in life. so you imagine that all these other kids will do well, and yours won't. it isn't true, of course, but the anxiety about the future and failing your kids is unbearable. For less healthy people, it is about them, their egos and maintaining a false sense of superiority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:49 PM Flag
[ - ] why do you think that school admissions inpires more jealousy than other things (money, looks, real estate)? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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I think because where your children go to school is a predictor of all the good things that follow in life (except looks!) It also reflects back on the parents so it's a big hot button imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Fave books for 7-9 yo 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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enemy pie, flat stanley,amelida bedelia, magic tree, diary of a wimpy kid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Expecting #3 in a month and DH just informed me he might be interested in #4! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.10.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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tell him to wait and see how #3 goes and decide in a year or so... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] need help potty training. any good books/methods out there? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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Wait til the kid is ready. If they never get ready (my oldest didn't) then go cold turkey and make it nonnegotiable but fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:48 PM Flag
[ - ] settle disagreement between dh and me: I think 17 mo's hand should alway be held when she walks down a sidewalk next to a street incase she tries to run into traffic. DH thinks this will just encourge her to be fearful. What do you think? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I would hold a 17 mo hand esp if they are a runner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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hold hand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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i am with DH [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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b/c it makes a kid fearful? I think there is a difference btw fearful and cautious. 17 mo do not have much common sense and it's our job to protect them from dangers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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i dont hold hands, but close enough where he wont be able to run into the street [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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please hold her hand. it will teach her self control. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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depends on the kid. we play stop - go. she goes and I say stop and she stops. then i explain about never running into the street. although she did run in one time and I spanked her. she's never run in the streets. she just knows. it depends on the kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone decide on whether or not to get epi after being on the fence? I had #1 with epi, #2 without (although not planned), not sure what to do for #3. Seems like most people know they want birth one way or the other, but I don't. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.10.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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after having one with #1 at the very and and not with #2 (not by choice), if i had a 3rd, i'd go without. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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Did you have #1 and #2 like that? Why would you go without for #3? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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with #1 they gave me the epidural but not until i was 8 cm so it was sort of useless and i had already gone through the pain. with #2 i had no choice. they didn't get it to me in time. so for me, if i had a 3rd, i wouldn't do an epi b/c it wasn't that bad and i have VERY quick labors and only pushed for about 10 minutes with #2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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I'm a pretty natural type but totally don't understand why anyone would choose so much pain when we have the medical means to make it better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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I just had complete faith that I could do it without drugs. It was a challenge I was absolutely willing to take. Did it twice, no regrets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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i'm OR and i used to agree but it was totally bearable to me. dont'get me wrong it hurt like hell and i wouldn't have chosen it, but after having gone through it, it wasn't that bad and there are things that can go wrong with epidural. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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For me with #2 they couldn't get it in after trying for more than 1 hour (my labor was only 3 hours), so I think that 1) even if I want it I may not get it and 2) if I can't get it, it would be much better if I assumed that upfront (rather than being hunched over for an hour with contractions 2 minutes apart and them saying "hold still") [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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maybe just see you you feel at the time and if the pain is too severe, just decide to get it then? I don't really understand why some people look on not having one as some sort of badge of honor, like climbing Everest without supplemental oxygen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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I won't have time to think about it with #3. Labor will likely be quite quick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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For me it wasn't a "badge of honor"...it was a very personal decision about how I wanted to approach a life-changing event. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I've had three dcs and with #1 and #3 I had an epi but my problem was that I experienced a "window" each time and it didn't really take. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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What happened with #2? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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It wasn't offered to me and after the dismal experience with the first labor I didn't ask for it. I'm the exception to this particular rule. Most who receive an epi have good things to say about it. Important thing is that all turned out well each time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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I loved my epidural. loved it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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I was on the fence with #1 but was begging for an epi after 14 hours of painful contractions only to find I was dialated 2 cm. With #2 and #3 I told them to hook me up to the drugs the minute I walked into the hospital [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:46 PM Flag
[ - ] 2 yo is now climbing out of crib. Don't want to do a crib tent. Transitioning to bed. Comes out 10+ times a night. Beyond putting a lock on the outside of the door, what can I do? I am going to kill him. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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why are you against tenting? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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I know someone whose kids was seriously injured because the tent inverted. Would rather transition to a bed because I am pg with #3 and he will have to move in with his older sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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instead of putting a lock on his door what i did was put a lock on my bedroom door. the house has to be completely child proof to do that but most times he would just wander back into his bedroom and fall asleep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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it's tough. Since he's 2, is he really not tired yet- is he napping a lot? Another reason he's hopping out constantly is he's at that age where he's testing your limits. Hang in there. btdt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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It is totally limit testing and I know that I am getting sucked into the battle. I am 10 wks pg and so tired and it just enrages me. This is past his bedtime (8:30) because he won't stay in for naptime either. I am so enraged. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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enraged moms need a night off. hire a sitter or let dh take the lead. go out and do something nice for yourselves! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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put up a gate? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] is there a virus going around? DH is really sick with chills, fever, dizziness and throwing up. could it be food poisoning from last night? is anything like that going around? thanks, 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.10.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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yes, stomach virus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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i have a few friends who have the dizziness and it turned into vertigo which then became an inner ear infection. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:40 PM Flag
[ - ] Any children of alcoholics/emotionally unavailable fathers on? I'm really feeling very hostile towards my mother of a sudden for not protecting me from my father all those years. Anyone else feel like that? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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Amy anger towards your father or do moms just get blamed for everything? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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My father is dead. I was angry at him while he was alive and it's continuing. Trust me, he got his share. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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ok [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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My mother didn't either, but I've come to realize that she was in survival mode herself, barely surviving, and it's impossible to get what you want now from her. She cant' say sorry enough, can't undo, can't give you back what was lost. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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I hear what you are saying. I think about it sometimes and my therapist (years ago) asked me why she wasn't more protective too. I have severed ties with my bio dad decades ago and am close to my mom. I try to remember she was doing the best she could in very difficult circumstances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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i know that's what i should be thinking, but i can't help but feel angry. she is emotionally unavailable as well. i was telling her how stressed out I was and she started telling me how they are repaving the streeet! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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ouch! that hurts when our loved ones- esp a parent- refuses to listen to our needs and feelings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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there is nothing that you can do to change her. you can only learn from the experience and be a better mom to your own children. i have been there and to tell you the truth there is nothing "there" for you but hurt and pain. you should move on and let it go. don't let what happened in your childhood be the driving force behind who you are today. you are an adult and have the power to create your own destiny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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It's really not that easy. Your past DOES affect who you are today. It's easy to say, "Oh, I'm an adult. I need to move forward." I think that is sweepting it under the rug, but if you intelligently work though the issues it would be better. Just ignoring it does not help anyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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well i have been in therapy for many years and have come to that conclusion. best of luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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that's what I mean...you were in therapy for years. you had to do alot of work to get at that place. don't tell someone else to just "Get over it" when you have been in therapy for years over the same issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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both my parents were alcoholics; my father a high functioning one, my mother a recovered one (she stopped drinking when I was 15). I adored my father even though I didn't like his drinking, but I have never been close to my mother and haven't really forgiven her for her years of drinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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still haven't really forgiven my mother for drinking herself to death -- nor myself for not being able to get her to stop (i did try) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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this post has been useful for me. my alcoholic dad beat up on me when i was seven and my mom just let it happen - listened to me screaming while she was sitting in the next room. i am over 40 now and i still feel my anger at her like it was yesterday. my therapist says its very normal to feel more angry at the parent who did not protect you than at the parent who did the beating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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thank you for validating this for me. i think i am going to call my therapist tomorrow and start back on therapy. I don't want to screw up my own kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:28 PM Flag
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just saw these 2 posts (i'm the i did try poster from above) one thing that has been very helpful to me was to stop drinking myself, 5 years ago. helps me to feel that i can avoid turning into my mother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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