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07.10.08, 17:35 PM General Topics
16 replies
Any children of alcoholics/emotionally unavailable fathers on? I'm really feeling very hostile towards my mother of a sudden for not protecting me from my father all those years. Anyone else feel like that? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.10.08, 05:35 PM Flag
 

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Amy anger towards your father or do moms just get blamed for everything? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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My father is dead. I was angry at him while he was alive and it's continuing. Trust me, he got his share. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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ok [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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My mother didn't either, but I've come to realize that she was in survival mode herself, barely surviving, and it's impossible to get what you want now from her. She cant' say sorry enough, can't undo, can't give you back what was lost. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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I hear what you are saying. I think about it sometimes and my therapist (years ago) asked me why she wasn't more protective too. I have severed ties with my bio dad decades ago and am close to my mom. I try to remember she was doing the best she could in very difficult circumstances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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i know that's what i should be thinking, but i can't help but feel angry. she is emotionally unavailable as well. i was telling her how stressed out I was and she started telling me how they are repaving the streeet! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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ouch! that hurts when our loved ones- esp a parent- refuses to listen to our needs and feelings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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there is nothing that you can do to change her. you can only learn from the experience and be a better mom to your own children. i have been there and to tell you the truth there is nothing "there" for you but hurt and pain. you should move on and let it go. don't let what happened in your childhood be the driving force behind who you are today. you are an adult and have the power to create your own destiny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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It's really not that easy. Your past DOES affect who you are today. It's easy to say, "Oh, I'm an adult. I need to move forward." I think that is sweepting it under the rug, but if you intelligently work though the issues it would be better. Just ignoring it does not help anyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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well i have been in therapy for many years and have come to that conclusion. best of luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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that's what I mean...you were in therapy for years. you had to do alot of work to get at that place. don't tell someone else to just "Get over it" when you have been in therapy for years over the same issue. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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both my parents were alcoholics; my father a high functioning one, my mother a recovered one (she stopped drinking when I was 15). I adored my father even though I didn't like his drinking, but I have never been close to my mother and haven't really forgiven her for her years of drinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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still haven't really forgiven my mother for drinking herself to death -- nor myself for not being able to get her to stop (i did try) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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this post has been useful for me. my alcoholic dad beat up on me when i was seven and my mom just let it happen - listened to me screaming while she was sitting in the next room. i am over 40 now and i still feel my anger at her like it was yesterday. my therapist says its very normal to feel more angry at the parent who did not protect you than at the parent who did the beating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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thank you for validating this for me. i think i am going to call my therapist tomorrow and start back on therapy. I don't want to screw up my own kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:28 PM Flag
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just saw these 2 posts (i'm the i did try poster from above) one thing that has been very helpful to me was to stop drinking myself, 5 years ago. helps me to feel that i can avoid turning into my mother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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