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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] how can you see ttc questions only? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.16.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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by selecting only the ttc option and updating filters or setting as default if you want this to be your automatic seting when you log in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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you have to update filters, and then a link appears saying make default [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:15 PM Flag
[ - ] construction guys working in lot behind me cut down a tree of mine that was on MY side of the fence. not trimmed the branches, cut the WHOLE thing down! i'm so pissed! it was 2 stories tall! what can i do??? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:10 PM Flag
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you can sue. I would be so angry and sad for the poor tree! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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yeah, i am! what do i sue for? a new tree? it would take years to get that tall! how do i decide a monetary value? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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idk, but honestly, its actionable. Call a lawyer or ask one you know [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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Definitely require compensation from the construction company. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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in the form of what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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I'd try for the value of the tree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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it was just a wild brooklyn tree, but lush and tall and beautiful and shady. how do you determine it's worth??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:18 PM Flag
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Not being funny but I'd Google for tree sellers and see what you can find. People do buy/sell mature trees. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:22 PM Flag
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What you want is an arborist. (I know one in Brooklyn, believe it or not. If you want me to get his name/info reply and put a watch. I'll see what I can do and post follow up tomorrow.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:51 PM Flag
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yes please! thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:55 PM Flag
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Not blowing you off. He is a friend of dw's and I have been unable to reach her. (She's away.) I'll post as soon as I have info. (I checked yellowpages.com -- urbanarb.com looks nice.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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You can get trees that are bigger, although not two stories, find out how much they are and have them put one in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:16 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:18 PM Flag
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The owner of the lot is responsible. He hired the contractors. They are his agents. He can then claim over against them, but your best bet is to go straight to the owner of the lot, tell him what happended, and ask him to reimburse you for the cost of replacing the tree. First you should contact a nursery and get a quote on the replacement for a "mature" tree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:08 AM Flag
[ - ] How do I hide/remove the "your settings" box on the right of my screen? Can I? It's so annoying 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:05 PM Flag
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^^^OP: Also, is there a way of showing the most recent posts on top? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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sort by recency [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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You can't [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Are Gymboree and The Little Gym basically the same thing? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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Gymboree and The Little Gym are much different! i have done trials at both and The Little Gym really new how to "wow" me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.07.08, 08:38 PM Flag
[ - ] I have started putting my 1 year old and my 3 year old in their playroom while I make dinner. Should I feel guilty about this? I usually have them in the kitchen with me, but with them under my feet it's just too stressful. So my dh suggested gating the toy room (which is baby proof) and letting them hang in there while I cook dinner and just check in on them every 5 to 10 min or so. This is okay, right? (just turned one and just turned 3) 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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you have a toy room and a playroom? huh? I would check in more often at those ages [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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op: toyroom/playroom = same room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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It wouldn't be safe if your 2 are anything like my two. My toddler would do terrible things to the baby in 30 secs if left on their own! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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op: gentle girl 3 year old and rough and tumble boy 1 year old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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What do you do with your two while cooking? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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I put the baby or the toddler into the stroller and sit it at the door to the kitchen and the other one stays in the living room which also has a doorway to the kitchen. I cannot take my eyes off them for a second. Two ds btw [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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Wow! My one year old would scream his head off in the stroller. I'm actually more worried about my 1 year old hurting my 3 year old. They weigh the same and he's only slightly smaller then her in height. He's a monster. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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My two are 2.7yo (big for age) and 9mo (small for age). Believe me the screaming there would be if I left the alone would be much much worse. My dh and I keep teling db to hurry up and grow so he can defend himself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:20 PM Flag
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it's perfectly safe, just make sure to come if they start screaming [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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as long as you can hear them, I think thats fine. do you have your eyes on them every minute when youre not cooking? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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yes. not only ok but good. it's important for them to get the skills to play on their own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:17 PM Flag
[ - ] New potty training question... How did you start? DS is 3yo and refuses to try. Not interested in stickers, treats, candy, watching a video (while sitting there) etc. He freaks and cries at the suggestion. Will ask for a change out of his pull up when he poops, but not when he pees. WWYD? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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I used how to potty train your child in one day. It worked well for me. I didn't follow it exactly but it had a lot of good advice. IMO, I would wait if he's resisting. Imitating the doll worked for me though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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np: i used it too - same thing, following the guidelines loosely and it worked (not in les than a day though!). another option is just to give him a deadline and say, "no more diapers after X day" and mean it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:22 PM Flag
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i don't know if this will help, but we asked our 2 1/2yo when he thought he'd be ready. it was obvious to us that he was ready. Anyway, he said he would when he was three. Two or three days later we went to Publix, bought a cake, and called the neighbors for the "Birthday Party". Worked like a charm. It was his decision and he lived with it when he tuned "3"/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:43 PM Flag
[ - ] How do you moms stop at one drink. Trying to cut down TIA 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.16.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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can't drink if you're asleep [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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lol! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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My mother got into a car accident, and I was drunk at the ER trying to talk to doctors and nurses, and make them give her stronger pain meds. After that, I vowed no more than one drink if I am responsible for dcs. It was the most sobering experience of my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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thank you for sharing that I will remember it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 04:07 PM Flag
[ - ] Pls. talk me down: Teenager lost her cell phone, and it has phone #s and addresses of friends and family. So mad as we've told her many times not to put it in her pocket, but she never listens. Can someone unscrupulous use the #s and addresses for some horrible thing? Should we get her a replacement right away or let her stew? Do you think we'll get it back in NYC? I never dream of getting anything back. She thinks she lost it in a cab. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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Call TLC and report it, also try calling the phone to see if someone picked it up and will answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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No one has so we cancelled the number (but the AT&T person said they can still turn phone on and browse info stored in it). She doesn't have the taxi medallion number so don't know which cab it's in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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you're really overreacting. Take a deep breath. It is incredibly unlikely that anyone will use the phone other than to wipe it clean and use it like a new/stolen phone. If you're so freaked out about it, don't get her a phone that stores so much info in it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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OP: You're right. It was a hand-me-down phone from DH, and we told her to just use it for calls. But of course, being a teenager, she tried the other features. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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of course she uses the other features, but you really haven't explained why you're so worried and the names and addresses. As long as she didn't also have everyones social security number in there, there is little that anyone could do with the info. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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I think you're looking for a way to channel your frustration over her having been irresponsible, so you're focusing on the address book slant. You're really pissed at her and aren't sure how to improve the situation so she'll be more responsible. There's good advice throughout this post: make her pay for the replacement, don't let her have anything glamorous. I'd add if she's responsible with that phone for one year you'll contribute towards an upgrade as a birthday or holiday gift. That may be a good way to get her to be more mindful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:23 PM Flag
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OP: Sorry. She just got home so couldn't respond. Had to talk to her again. Thanks to everyone for your advice ... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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don't you think you're overreacting a bit? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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OP: I'm worried I am, but we have a history with this cell phone. First, she overran her minutes and text message limit. Then she almost lost it twice because she refuses to not put it in back pocket of jeans/shorts. Now it's gone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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then you need to get her a pre-paid phone that turns off when not updated, and make her pay for part of it. And get a really basic one, perhaps NO texting (horrors) for the first few months [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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It sounds like you're way to wrapped up in this. Make her buy herself a new one and be done with it. There really isn't a security risk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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np: it's two separate issues. one is her being irresponsible, which i think is something that needs to be addressed. the other issue is the "danger" of losing personal information, and on that issue, i think you are overreacting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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Sometimes people list on Craigslist if they find things in cabs. I don't really think anyone will use the numbers for anything as you can get No's and addresses from the phone book if you want them. Make sure the phone company knows it is lost so it can be blocked. Can she use savings to pay part/all the cost of a replacement phone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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It's maddening (my teen just got his soaked in a rainstorm and it died). I wouldn't worry too much about the names and addresses (afterall all these people are probably in the phone book anyway) but I think it's worth making her pay for most of the cost of replacing the phone. We chipped in $15 because we want him to have a phone for safety, but he had to pay the rest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:57 PM Flag
[ - ] We are getting ready to hire a part time nanny to watch our little girl 3days/week. We're planning on taking a vacation in February for one week. And one week during Thanksgiving week. Is it the norm to pay the nanny for the week of Thanksgiving if we are not in town and pay her the week we are on vacation? Thoughts? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 07.16.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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You will need to work out a vacation policy before you hire someone ie how much paid leave nanny will get and when she can take it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:50 PM Flag
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it is customary to pay when you are on vacation. It's not like she can get a job for those two weeks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Without getting all "deceptively delicious" on me...could you please tell me some *acceptable* (to your 3 your old) dinner alternatives? We are in a Pasta-Or-Death mode right now. TIA. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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besides pasta? rice and beans (or just beans); pizza; fish & chips; saag paneer; corn on the cob; tofu pups; shrimp [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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Saag Paneer? Are you Indian? Because anything remotely spicey or ethnic is not going to fly with my UWS Jewish toddler - he is even rejecting my famous kugel. Please note I personally LOVE Indian food. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:49 PM Flag
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no, we are not indian, and saag paneer, at least the way our local place makes it, is not spicy -- its creamy and even a bit sweet. very mild. we all eat indian food adn i ahve fed it to my kids since they were babies. vegetable kurma also works. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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^^Also, some people think pasta is ethnic. and bagels. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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why the need to bring jewish into it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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Oh, I don't know. Habit? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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ok, it just seemed so out of place and unnecessary to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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Yeah well. So what. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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Wait did I mention I am Jewish? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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so am I. so what? I wouldn't post it in something about feeding my toddler (unless I was kosher and that applied to the post) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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Oy gevalt! SO AM I!!! What are the chances of that???? It's beschert! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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fish sticks, bagel and cream cheese, corn on the cob, hummus and veggies and chips. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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here are some things my dcs like. pancakes, scrambled eggs. pasta shapes. they like brocolli and cauliflower in small doses (i give them a "family" with big and little pieces). corn on the cob. hot dogs. we make hamuburgers in special shapes so they actually eat them. (the shapes don't come out so well usually, but it's good enough for them). also, all sorts of potatos. mashed potatos. i make a chicken and potato dish that they really love, i can give you the recipe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:10 PM Flag
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yes please post chicken and potato dish here. I like the idea of the family of cauliflower - cute! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:58 AM Flag
[ - ] okay--was reading potty training post below. DS was doing great with pee, wearing underwear all the time though he would poop in his night diaper, then pooped in his underwear and since has been asking for a diaper every time he has to go. We've tried suggesting he go on the potty, but he freaks. Any thoughts as to next steps to wean him off diapers slowly? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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Just take him and hold him on the potty, either big or small, whichever is more comfortable. Create a sticker chart for times he does and get a toy after 5 stickers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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what do you mean take him and hold him? he thrashes and screams. He's 2 and a bit, very strong, etc. Not interested at all in sticker charts or any of that stuff, alas. He knows he gets a big treat when he gives up diapers, but it isn't motivating him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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2. what? My 2.5 yo was potty trained this way. I am not saying hold him by force, but encourage him to sit on the potty. Otherwise, pooping in underwear is fine until he gets tired of it. Try to point out that by pooping in the potty he doesn't have to stop playing to get a diaper changed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:50 PM Flag
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2.4. I can't tell you what it's like when we try to take him to the potty (though he is totally fine for peeing). He absolutely freaks. I'm worried if we don't give him a diaper when he asks to poop, he'll do that thing where they hold it in forever and get constipated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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^^I wouldn't mind at all if he pooped in his underwear, but he wont' do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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so give him prune jice [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone have to live w/ dh while going through a divorce?? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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My parents did and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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My cousins have been divorced for almost 10 years and they STILL live together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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my brother did. ny law is so messed up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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sorry to ask, but why do you have to do this ? is it common ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:45 PM Flag
[ - ] What do you think of the name Sylver for a girl? Naming after a Sylvia. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.16.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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Pronounced Silver? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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I prefer Sylvie - French name. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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Wow, I think you should call her Sylvia -- there's a name that isn't used much anymore and I bet it comes back into fashion. You could call her Sylvie or Syl as a nickname. I think Sylvia is great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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ITA and think if you wanted to freshen it up a bit you could go with the Italian spelling Silvia. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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Sylver is awful. Name her Sylvia or Sylvie [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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Sylver is weird and it looks like a boys name. Sylvia is lovely, why do you want to change it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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I actually know a Sylvana. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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That sounds Eastern European. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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It does, but she was from Hong Kong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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My fil is Sylvain, and we will be naming our dd Sylvie after him. Sylver is hideous [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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How about Sylvester for a girl? That would be SO cool. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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ick [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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And this is my schvester Sylvester. Our brother Sue couldn't come today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:01 PM Flag
[ - ] I know I have too much time on my hands, but I was wondering about birthday parties in K. My DD will be starting public K in the fall and has a early Oct birthday. I doubt she will have any real friends by that point. Anyone BTDT? What did you do, invite the whole class, which will probably be large, or only the girls? Or not invite K kids and just the friends from preschool? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.16.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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I'd wait and see. Some schools actually have policies on these things believe it or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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Only policy in public school is not to hand out invites in class unless everyone is invited. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:43 PM Flag
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We invited the whole class (same situation). It ended up that we had 30 invites out (class plus other friends) which had me worried but about 22 showed up which was high but manageable. DS had a blast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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do waht you want. any of those proposals can work IME inviting the whole class was less common in K thaninpreschool, adn disappeared by first grade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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I think those are basically your 2 options -- the whole class or all the girls. She won't have been there long enough to really know who her friends are yet. Plus, we found that in K the parties tended to be large like that. It wasn't until 2nd grade that they started to be more just a close group of friends. My dd decided on just the girls b/c she was a little overwhelmed by starting K and wanted a "calm" party (her word) so we did a tea party at Alice's Tea Cup. She is also a Fall b-day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:45 PM Flag
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Agree, we were in same situation with ds in K. We had it in a place where it was easy to accomodate alot of people and invited the class. In public school, many won't show up (or rsvp, which means they aren't coming), but it's a nice way to meet other parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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^^^also, this sounds kind of rude, but we only gave out the invitations to the class about 10 days before the party, kinda hoping not everyone could come, but at least everyone was invited. We also invited some other good friends outside the class, but a bit earlier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:55 PM Flag
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we invited the whole class. was a nice icebreaker at the beginning of the year, and we got to meet all of the parents. some may think it gauche, but it was nice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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funny, I never thought of it that way but that is a great point. I like your world view. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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My dd also has an early Oct. birthday. I frankly hate large parties for kids that young, and she would have been overwhelmed. We waited as long as we could (until maybe 2 1/2 weeks before the party) and then mailed invites to the kids she wanted to invite, plus some preschool friends. It worked out beautifully and no feelings were hurt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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That young? 5 and 6 are last times kids have big parties, after that everyone has smaller parties with good friends only [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:28 PM Flag
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What can I say? She was advanced for her age? She hated big parties then and still hates them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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or so you thought. we felt hurt to find out we had not been invited [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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In 2001? That's when the party was. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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We made it really easy...We had a birthday party in the class. Pizza and cake. The kids loved it...the parents loved it because they did not have to pack lunch for their kids that day...I loved it because I did not have a bunch of kids running all over my home, nor did I have to pay for one of those expensive party places. Everybody was happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:16 PM Flag
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We invited the whole class, plus some friends from preschool. Luckily, not everyone came (but there were 25-30 in our apt, plus parents, and a clown). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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so dh was there... ba dum bum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:44 PM Flag
[ - ] Please help me with my 4 yo DD. She has become mean to some of her friends, almost like she thinks she is better than them (although I know she is too young for this thinking) THe more I yell or talk to her about it, and make her leave playdates, it seems to make it worse. Like now she thinks of herself as this mean person, and she does it more. Should I be ignoring it? Please help me how to deal with this. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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she's not too young to think like this if that is how you or your dh act [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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op - we are nothing like this which is why it upsets me so much. Do you think the harder I am for her on it, the more it is making her be like this?? That is the way it seems, and if so, how should I deal with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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I would try to redirect her, perhaps remove her from those kind of situations for a while. Don't ignore, but don't "keep at her" about it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:37 PM Flag
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that's really hard bc she is with them in camp and their moms are my closest friends. TOday I was just watching her with them, and just couldn't believe it. It makes me sad because she will not have friends if she keeps acting this way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:40 PM Flag
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how do the other children react to her behavior? It might just be a phase she is going through. Has a counselor/teacher/other parent said anything to you about it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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She is only like that with her very few close friends. Not her friends from school, so no one has sad anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:43 PM Flag
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At 4 years of age, some kids become aggressive and hurtful. My soon to be 4 year old son says hurtful things. He wants me to go away and never go back, so I grab my bag and go away. He then starts crying asking me to come back. They like to push buttons and test us all of the time. May be your dd is doing it for attention. Can you ignore it? My son isn't as rude anymore, but he tries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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but if I ignore it, you dont think it'll make her worse? its not with me at all, just her two close friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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how do her friends respond? If they hurt her then you can always address, did that make you happy? then may be you should be nicer... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:51 PM Flag
[ - ] I got rear-ended this morning while waiting at a light (alone). The guy who did it didn't speak english, was driving an unmarked van, kept saying 'I so sorry" over and over. I took a deep breath, looked at the car for any damage (there was none), then told him he should be careful, got into my car and drove off. I highly doubt this person had insurance or anything, and it would have been more trouble than it was worth, right? DH (a lawyer)'s first question was "did you get his insurance"... was I wrong? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:28 PM Flag
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Yes - I would have asked for insurance. You can't always tell there isn't damage straight away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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I say yeah. Here's why, My neighbor's car was damaged by a local delivery company's van. She chased the guy down. Caught him at the business and told the owner what happened. The owner appologized and paid for everything. She thought all was good. Two weeks later a different neighbor saw one of the same company's vans hit somebody else's car and leave. Left note for car owner. Car owner went to business. Everyone there denied it could have been them. That neighbor is out a couple of grand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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you werent "wrong" but you really did yourself a disservice. just because you dont think the guy had insurance doesnt meand he didnt and if he didnt he shouldnt be driving around. If you have a latent injury or there was damage you didnt find immediately, you screwed yourself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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I was stopped and I think the van just rolled - there is absolutely no damage (brand new car, I could tell) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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did you try opening your trunk? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:05 PM Flag
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yes. its a Prius so hatchback, and was "hit" on the bumper [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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also, he didn't speak English, so I have no idea how I would have communicated anything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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how hard did he hit you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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not hard at all... he couldn't have been going faster than 3 mph [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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in that case, i wouldn't worry about it. i doubt the guy has insurance anyway, and i despise dealing with insurance companies. it's worse than a govt. agency, imo. if it had been a worse scenario, then that would be different of course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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op - that's what I was thinking- insurance is such a nighmare, the worst that happened to me/car is that I need a few chiro sessions, which my insurance covers anyway... if it had been harder I would have gotten insurance [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:52 PM Flag
[ - ] I am a new SAHM after working for almost 20 years and I am amazed at how "fragile" at lot of these SAHMs seem to be: weekly therapy, needing lots of "me" time for massages, facials, etc., sending pets to "camp" so they don't have to deal with them in the day, and all the time still talking about how hard life is. Please tell me that just being a well-off SAHM doesn't make you this way. 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.16.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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what's wrong with some "me' time? why be a martyr for motherhood? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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nothing wrong with me time, but these moms seem to spend 20-30 hours a week on it, yet they all still some somehow not centered and very needy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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np. There is 'me' time and there's coming across as completely incapable of coping with your very easy life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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op: this is it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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I'm a SAHM and NOTHING like that. If you have friends like this I'd advise looking for new ones they sound crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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op: not to be nosy, but are you very well off? I wonder if this is somehow caused by their ability to pay for lots of help, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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Put it this way I could afford whatever help I wanted but I choose to look after my kids myself. I might add though that I am English not an American. In England there isn't such a culture of therapy etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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There's no reason you "have" to be any way. Do what you want, be who you want. You sound "fragile" if you think that behavior is somehow inevitable, and trust me...it isn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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op: yes, I know that. I am just amazed at how many seem like this-it almost seems like a disease [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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I am a well-off SAHM who is not like that at all. I have a part-time nanny who comes to help out so I can do a variety of things - grocery shopping, charity work, drs appts, occasional evenings out with friends or dh, etc - and other than that I parent. I do know a LOT of women (in my "circle" - not saying I am friends with them) who are like you describe though. It is depressing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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op: I keep wondering what attracts their husbands to them? They seem to just be like dolls about to break at the most minor disturbance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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np. Because they are like their mothers! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:39 PM Flag
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or - I don't think they started out like that (but who knows). There is also a big different between people who have always had money (my family is very wealthy but I know how to act with money) and those who are newly rich [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:40 PM Flag
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And that fragility is sensed by their kids, who often deep down, feel they cannot rely on their moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:42 PM Flag
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some men like that. it makes them feel strong and needed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:49 PM Flag
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^^^ fwiw, when I was just out of college I was a temp nanny for a woman just like the ones you're describing. She was awful, her children prefered me to her (would cry like crazy whenever I left, didn't when she went away), her dh really didn't love her (they ended up divorcing shortly after and his new wife was so much better than her) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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Maybe the key is that you are a "new SAHM." Being home is still a novelty. That said, it is a different kind of difficult. It is not I am the CEO and if I fail the company fails, it is I really have to use the restroom and can't do so without one or more kids with me. Also, it totally depends on how many children you have, their ages (which dictates whether they are home all day or you and they get some type of break by being at school). Just wait and see before you judge. You many not need therapy (hoepfully, not) but you may be able to better understand how a SAHM needs "me" time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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I WOHM but that is really weird. Do you think b/c they had help and money they had too much time to think about all this and not enough of a reason for being? I know someone who became like this when she married someone with money before kids. Needed to stop working to plan the wedding and subsequently to tend to her medical complaints, lost interest in sex... etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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-- I know if I stayed home I would pay more attention to what this one was doing and how much help that one had, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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I am a WOHM and our nanny works for a family like this on weekends. Must be the life to not have a job yet have a nanny 7 days a week. That's not my world, and we are by no means poor or struggling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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Before I had dc, I never needed "me time". I worked a lot of hours, never focused on myself, etc. Once I had dc and I CONSTANTLY had a child needing my attention and I couldn't even pee without someone yelling at me through the door, "me time" became a huge priority. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Terminal Cancer: Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but maybe someone out here can help. A friend's Tween son was just diagnosed with terminal brain cancer---totally inoperable, given about six months to live. Condition worsens daily. Does anyone know any "superstar" type docs who they can consult with, or any experimental drug therapies going on anywhere in the world? They will travel anywhere, but it has to be legit, nothing like some wacko working out of Mexico, ie. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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OP here--have to sign off now to pick up own kid from camp, but will re-check tonight. Hope someone has some good ideas. Thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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where are they? There are excellent doctors in many places, NYC has lots of course. I'm sure there is a message board for his type of cancer - that would be a place to start. (My fil dx with Pancreatic cancer last Nov. is now with an excellent doc and doig really well, despite people telling us he would be dead within 3-6 mos of dx). Good luck to your friend and son [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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Yes, I don't know how to find him, but there is a superstar doc who was an illegal immigrant from Mexico and picked apples when he fist came to this country. He has been featured on News type shows - recently saw him on dateline or somelthing. He is at Johns Hopkins. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 03:35 PM Flag
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I see these commercails fro cancer Centers of America. Are they a joke ? They talk about treatments involving the latest in medicine with alternative treatments. I am so sorry. I can say it is my biggest fear - losing a child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 03:37 PM Flag
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If they haven't already, they should try Sloan-Kettering in NYC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 04:02 PM Flag
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