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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] finances are tight, but before we got to this point we locked in to a Hamptons house for 1 month. Will be hanging with people who have way more money than us and most don't know we are on our way out financially. Would any of you care? 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 05.21.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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I wouldn't. My friends are in all different financial situations. Who cares? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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If all they care about is how much money you have they aren't friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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As long as you bought a case of wine when it was your turn, who cares? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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you I like! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:40 PM Flag
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ugh! nothing worse than a bunch of people pushing 40, sharing a house in the hamptons and drinking cases of wine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:40 PM Flag
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nothing? really? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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sounds fun to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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sounds like a bad TV show. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:45 PM Flag
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just wait til you hit 40 whipper snapper! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:45 PM Flag
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lol! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:57 PM Flag
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Alas it is within the month for me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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Are you really sharing a house for a month? You're not rotating weekends/weeks? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:43 PM Flag
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We have it for the whole month. Just DH, DCs and I. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:57 AM Flag
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so you won't be there with the other people? then why worry? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:22 AM Flag
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I think she means that she will be socializing with people who will also be in the Hamptons. I say enjoy the house as it sounds like you will be pulling the belt. Any chance you can change the plans? Maybe the house can be rented to someone else who procrastinated? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:42 AM Flag
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I could but hate to do it. The kids are really looking forward to it and so am I. We can't afford it but we'd lose money if we subletted anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:05 AM Flag
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but you'd get something back at least. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:07 AM Flag
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don't care if people have more $ than me (I'm poor relations in our family), but hate the hamptons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:06 AM Flag
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You will be living my life. We stay at my parents hamptons house every summer and have a large circle of friends there who all own their own homes and do not have to watch how they spend their money. We are on a pretty tight budget. We do what we can to socialize, but we also duck out alot. Go to a few dinners as a group but not any as they are expensve. We go to all their parties and never have our own but do have other families over. Of course I wish I could keep up with them finanically, but we are just happy to be out of the city for the summer and enjoy the beach and our family time. BTW our financial standing chnaged about a year ago also, although we never had the financial freedom all our friends seem to have [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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may I ask what happened? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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A few different things, but it cut our income by 75%. We still do have a lot of savings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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How is it that you are able to just take a whole month off from work if finances are tight? Do either of you work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:22 AM Flag
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np: ita, hard to feel bad for anyone who can spend a month in the hamptons, things can not be that bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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I SAH and DH will be comming out on weekends (taking Fridays off) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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maybe that's why their finances ARE tight...perhaps they agreed to this and then somebody got the boot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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As i wrote, "Before it got to this point". We had no idea when we got into the rental that cerain things would happen in our lives to exhaust our finances. And it's not like "We can't pay our mortgage or buy food" tight. It' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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^^^It's more like "We can't eat out with our friends 4 times this week" tight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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So you mean, not tight at all? Just not totally and completely pampered and spoiled? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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OP: Yep, that's about right! So I was posting about if my friends would be cool with it or not...in case you can't tell these are not real "friends". These are "Hamptons folk". My real friends wouldn't give a frig. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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then don't worry about it...if those "friends" care that much then they aren't worth the effort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Can you get out of it. Seriously take some of the financial pressure off yourselves and start tightening the belt asap and deal with it instead of making it worse. btdt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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You need to work on your self-esteem before your dc's catch on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 11:47 AM Flag
[ - ] Did you have a long commute when you were pg (over 1.5 hours)? How was this on you physically? My friend is considering this (she is not pg yet, doing IVF). 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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maybe she should worry about getting pg first [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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before moving? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Please catch me up. Just signed up yesterday for ERB. I think DC will take it over the next 2 weeks at school. Then how do I get the results and how long do they take? Also, I hope it doesn't require any prep like the OLSAT. it's just an IQ test like the SB, right? Just give 'em a good meal and send 'em in? TIA. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.21.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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for those of us with smart kids, prep was unnecessary for olsat...and the others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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Cool! I also have a smart kid. no prep for SB or ERB and got 99' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:56 AM Flag
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Yep - dd got a 99 with this strategy. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:37 PM Flag
[ - ] starting to get nervous now- dh mailed out the application and he didn't do it certified mail. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.21.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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Don't get nervous. Chances are high that everything will be fine. If you really can't sleep, call OSEPO next week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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I didn't even think of it until I saw the post about the certified letters not being picked up. Now I'm kicking myself for not telling him to send it certified [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:34 PM Flag
[ - ] what is the going rate for a gift for a friend's son's bar mitzvah? suburban nyc area. we don't have lots of dough, but don't want to be cheap. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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multiple of 18 or $9 $54? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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$54 - that sounds way to low. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:36 PM Flag
[ - ] dh wants sex; i want sleep. shld i just make him happy? or read for 10 min and fall asleep (have been traveling for 2 days) 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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sleep [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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sex. but maybe some very untaxing type of sex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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You get more bees with honey [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:30 PM Flag
[ - ] having noise complaint issues. basically our building has told us to be compliant we need 80% of the floor covered with rug (including under dinner table...eww...by front door where stroller wheels in etc). our lease is up in 2 months. we want to stay, but are afraid the crazy lady below us (really, not just saying, she is crazy) won't be happy once we outlay $$$ for rugs, and she'll still complain and they won't renew our lease. WWYD: get rugs and hope for the best two months from now, or tell them to stick it and move somewhere else. added bonus: we are 1 block away from dc's school 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.21.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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i would get really cheap rugs until you know. i have these $70 ones from urban outfitters that i love [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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yeah, that's what we're thinking. maybe just ride it out, see if they renew, hopefully won't jack rent up too much. i just know this beeyotch will never stop complaining, even if we had wall to wall shag carpeting with 7 layers of soundproofing beneath. there's bad karma coming up through the floorboards! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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np: Actually, get the rugs. She is right to complain. Kids/apartments without rugs are a really BAD mix. BTDT. I'm not crazy. Loud is Loud. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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They'll renew your lease regardless of the a$$hole below you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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even if you have to move you need the rugs. you're in the wrong on the rug issue, no matter how crazy the lady downstairs is. Ikea has some good cheap ones. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Test post 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 05.21.08, 07:23 PM Flag
[ - ] I don't understand the new UB! Why do certain posts pop back up at the top when they were posted several minutes ago? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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also every time i hit reply, my cursor appears in the post box and i have to scroll back up to the post i want to reply to.....very-very!! annoying [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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go to your settings box. Pick sort by recency. Pick save as default. That will fix your first problem. I'm not sure what you mean by the second one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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the second was not op, but i literally mean that when i hit reply i find myself at the bottom in the new post box and i have to scroll up to find the reply box open under the post i want to reply to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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well that's a new on on me. Sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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weird, right? thanks for trying though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:36 PM Flag
[ - ] We live well below our means, as HHI is decent, and I have a trust fund that is sizable. Decided to send 2 dcs to public G&T. They will have access to a trust fund at age 25 that could allow them to live without working ever. We have decided not to tell them about it until then. We also decided to go public at least for the early years in order to help them stay grounded, and to avoid exposure to too much privilege. I want them to think about careers and achievement before they know they will be welll off. My sister thinks this is all wrong. Wondering if others care to weigh in. 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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no trust for dcs (but could be in future)...our kids in public for the same reasons you stated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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1. why discuss this with your sis 2. why post on ub unless a vba. well, a ba. you do what works for you and if you need justification from ub or others, spend some of the trust on therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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my sister is privy to the trusts as she too is a recipient of our grandparents' generosity, as are her dcs. we have talked about how to handle all of this. she thinks I am being dishonest and that we should live according to our means and in her words "give up the charade. as for bragging, no one I know would even guess we are in this situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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you posted on ub...want to say someting to someone but not sure how. figure out your own validation, don't get it here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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np: wow! bitter much??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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what are you talking about? who does she want to say what to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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now public school mom is wondering who in the class is hiding billions in trust funds. lol! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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fakey fakey fakey [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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If I were in your position, I would do exactly what you are doing. And what you are doing is really none of your sisters business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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Sounds like a great decision to me. Your kids will be much better off for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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me, too. i have the same thoughts abt sending dc to ps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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ditto. no trust funds for us, but HHI=$1 million. I want my dcs to work hard and not be spoiled from an early age. if they want to go TT or specialized cometitive HS later, they will have to work hard to get there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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I'm not familliar w/ G and T schools (I know what they are) but some private schools do offer things that public school can not (other then rich kids!) It really depends on the school. My dc are at a v. progressive school that emphasizes learning through the arts. Also really focuses on individual learning styles. Many parents are not at all wealthy but work v. hard to keep dc there. The hope is that the school will foster a love of learning which is a wonderful thing and a great gift to any dc --rich or poor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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np: I feel these privates that try to create the feel of public while still being filled with extremely wealthy kids are sort of bogus. also, I think you have the idea that public schools cannot instill a love of learning which is patently false. why pay for a school that tries to emulate a public while being fancy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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not sure why you think that our private school is trying to emulate public? quite the opposite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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the privates I actually liked had a sort of laid back hippy vibe, which is what I like about public. the uber fancy, prissy privates did not appeal to us, and the laid back ones did not seem worth the $$$. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:06 PM Flag
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not sure if this is a fake post or not,and doubt this comment will be that helpful if post is real, but you are deluding yourself if you think dcs will not figure this out (or that someone will spill the beans) way before they are 25. Whatever you decide, hard to imagine something like this can stay secret. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:05 PM Flag
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we are hoping to keep it from them until at least age 18. I am a bit conflicted since I don't want to lie to them. OTOH, I don't want them having the idea they can give up trying at an early age [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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To avoid the risk that they might feel totally betrayed at your having kept this from them, why don't you make them generally aware that family is comfortable, money-wise, and that there is a cushion (but be non-specific) that family is fortunate to have, so if there is ever a need or problem you and they will be OK. I still think that they will find out (esp if your sister's dcs, their cousins, know about trust fund), but at least this way they wouldn't possibly end up feeling like they have been lied to by you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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First, it is your and their father's decision to make and it sounds like you have thought it through. It is not, however, how I would do it. Money spent on education (if it's a quality education) is ever wasted. I don't know how the trust funds are set up, but if you can tap the funds now for education expenses, I would do it. I don't think leaving a 25 year old enough so he/she never has to work again is exactly healthy and should not be a goal. It sounds like that will be case regardless of whether you send money on their education, but that's another issue entirely. I agree that that should not be told about their trusts, but I don't think you should spring it on them either on their 25th bday. They are at a much greater risk of running into trouble with coming into that sum of money suddenly than they are at risk of too much privilege in private school, imho. Fwiw, I also have trouble with the privilege at private schools, but I feel that the benefits of the quality of the education outweight the negatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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^^into problems with coming suddenly into a large sum of money than they are of being sullied by the privilege in private school. I also have problems with the privileged environment in private schools, but I feel the benefits far outweigh the negatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:15 PM Flag
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np - I think the OP can afford private school without tapping into the trust fund. That is not the issue here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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I'm talking about tapping into the trust fund in order to spend some of it down, not because OP couldn't afford it otherwise. Some trusts allow you to do that; others do not. I'm weighing in, as OP requested. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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I think you sound very fearful, perhaps with reason, but fearful all the same. Don't let fear keep you from obtaining the best education for your children. Only send them to public if you honestly think that the quality of the public education is better. Forget all the privilege crap. There are lovely children/families at both public and private schools. And there are entitled spoiled children/families at both public and private. You can't protect your children from this sort of thing. You can arm them with a stable home environment, share your views with them, etc., but I think most people overestimate the influence they have in this aspect of their children's lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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ITA that you should give your children the education you think will be best for them, but just silly to suggest that there are just as many entitled/spoiled dcs at public and private. More kids at private are rich and privileged than at public, period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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Of course there are more rich and privileged at private schools, but my point is that I don't think wealth or lack thereof has as much to do with what kind of person a child grows into as people think. I can think of many families (some wealthy, most not) where one child is responsible, thoughtful, etc., and the other child is entitled, spoiled, demanding, etc. I think the results have more to do with the personality of the children involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:44 PM Flag
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i think that your motivation with your kids is admiral; but why would you take up a spot in public G&T if you can afford private? There are plenty of ways to work with your kids to keep them grounded and there a many children without a trust fund that could use the spot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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^^^admirable [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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As a public school mom I say welcome to the OP and families like hers. The only criteria for G&T is that dc scores well. No income limitations on either end. And we need families from all across the income spectrum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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so there are no limits on the number of kids that are accepted? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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Of course not. I'm just saying there is no cut-off for income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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oh ok. well I'd hate to see a kid with great scores - who can't afford private - not get into the public g&t program because a spot has been taken by a with other options...but that's just me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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Private school in the early years is not about money and privilege. I don't think that becomes a major issue until kids are in later middle school. Kids make friends with other kids they like--the kid from the Bronx can be best friends with a kid from Park Avenue. One thing that is great about private school is that kids can really develop love for subjects and study them in depth. My 4th grade dd loved science and history--this became part of who she is. She thought of herself as a person who loved these subjects and was challenged in thinking about them. History is not a subject at most public elementary schools--it is the watered-down "social studies." Your child will receive a broader, more in-depth education at most private schools and will likely develop strong relationships with teachers they see year after year. I like the community of the school also. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:54 AM Flag
[ - ] Metflix movies for dh? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:20 PM Flag
[ - ] New Yorkers? Re-post. Where can my sitter take 2 year old on the UWS for story time this summer? TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.21.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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library [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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find your local branches on the public library website, they all have their weekly schedules listed...look for Toddler Storytime [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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book stores...we go to barns on the ues, friend downtown goes to scholastic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:37 PM Flag
[ - ] What cute loveydovey thing has your dh done for you recently? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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he doesn't do cute [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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ok, then how does he show you that he loves you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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he cooks me dinner, does the laundry, does the dishes, rubs my back, and sometimes tells me that he loves me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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gave me a great mothers day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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empty the dishwasher. its my least favorite chore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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He rubbed my head last week when I had a headache. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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He unexpectedly grab me and gave me a hug and said "I didn't get a kiss today". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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He spread my mulch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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sometimes he takes my car to the car wash as a suprise. he evens vacuums it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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