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05.21.08, 19:21 PM NY Schools
34 replies
We live well below our means, as HHI is decent, and I have a trust fund that is sizable. Decided to send 2 dcs to public G&T. They will have access to a trust fund at age 25 that could allow them to live without working ever. We have decided not to tell them about it until then. We also decided to go public at least for the early years in order to help them stay grounded, and to avoid exposure to too much privilege. I want them to think about careers and achievement before they know they will be welll off. My sister thinks this is all wrong. Wondering if others care to weigh in. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 05.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
 

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no trust for dcs (but could be in future)...our kids in public for the same reasons you stated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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1. why discuss this with your sis 2. why post on ub unless a vba. well, a ba. you do what works for you and if you need justification from ub or others, spend some of the trust on therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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my sister is privy to the trusts as she too is a recipient of our grandparents' generosity, as are her dcs. we have talked about how to handle all of this. she thinks I am being dishonest and that we should live according to our means and in her words "give up the charade. as for bragging, no one I know would even guess we are in this situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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you posted on ub...want to say someting to someone but not sure how. figure out your own validation, don't get it here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:32 PM Flag
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np: wow! bitter much??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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what are you talking about? who does she want to say what to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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now public school mom is wondering who in the class is hiding billions in trust funds. lol! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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fakey fakey fakey [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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If I were in your position, I would do exactly what you are doing. And what you are doing is really none of your sisters business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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Sounds like a great decision to me. Your kids will be much better off for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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me, too. i have the same thoughts abt sending dc to ps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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ditto. no trust funds for us, but HHI=$1 million. I want my dcs to work hard and not be spoiled from an early age. if they want to go TT or specialized cometitive HS later, they will have to work hard to get there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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I'm not familliar w/ G and T schools (I know what they are) but some private schools do offer things that public school can not (other then rich kids!) It really depends on the school. My dc are at a v. progressive school that emphasizes learning through the arts. Also really focuses on individual learning styles. Many parents are not at all wealthy but work v. hard to keep dc there. The hope is that the school will foster a love of learning which is a wonderful thing and a great gift to any dc --rich or poor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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np: I feel these privates that try to create the feel of public while still being filled with extremely wealthy kids are sort of bogus. also, I think you have the idea that public schools cannot instill a love of learning which is patently false. why pay for a school that tries to emulate a public while being fancy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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not sure why you think that our private school is trying to emulate public? quite the opposite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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the privates I actually liked had a sort of laid back hippy vibe, which is what I like about public. the uber fancy, prissy privates did not appeal to us, and the laid back ones did not seem worth the $$$. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:06 PM Flag
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not sure if this is a fake post or not,and doubt this comment will be that helpful if post is real, but you are deluding yourself if you think dcs will not figure this out (or that someone will spill the beans) way before they are 25. Whatever you decide, hard to imagine something like this can stay secret. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:05 PM Flag
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we are hoping to keep it from them until at least age 18. I am a bit conflicted since I don't want to lie to them. OTOH, I don't want them having the idea they can give up trying at an early age [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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To avoid the risk that they might feel totally betrayed at your having kept this from them, why don't you make them generally aware that family is comfortable, money-wise, and that there is a cushion (but be non-specific) that family is fortunate to have, so if there is ever a need or problem you and they will be OK. I still think that they will find out (esp if your sister's dcs, their cousins, know about trust fund), but at least this way they wouldn't possibly end up feeling like they have been lied to by you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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First, it is your and their father's decision to make and it sounds like you have thought it through. It is not, however, how I would do it. Money spent on education (if it's a quality education) is ever wasted. I don't know how the trust funds are set up, but if you can tap the funds now for education expenses, I would do it. I don't think leaving a 25 year old enough so he/she never has to work again is exactly healthy and should not be a goal. It sounds like that will be case regardless of whether you send money on their education, but that's another issue entirely. I agree that that should not be told about their trusts, but I don't think you should spring it on them either on their 25th bday. They are at a much greater risk of running into trouble with coming into that sum of money suddenly than they are at risk of too much privilege in private school, imho. Fwiw, I also have trouble with the privilege at private schools, but I feel that the benefits of the quality of the education outweight the negatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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^^into problems with coming suddenly into a large sum of money than they are of being sullied by the privilege in private school. I also have problems with the privileged environment in private schools, but I feel the benefits far outweigh the negatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:15 PM Flag
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np - I think the OP can afford private school without tapping into the trust fund. That is not the issue here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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I'm talking about tapping into the trust fund in order to spend some of it down, not because OP couldn't afford it otherwise. Some trusts allow you to do that; others do not. I'm weighing in, as OP requested. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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I think you sound very fearful, perhaps with reason, but fearful all the same. Don't let fear keep you from obtaining the best education for your children. Only send them to public if you honestly think that the quality of the public education is better. Forget all the privilege crap. There are lovely children/families at both public and private schools. And there are entitled spoiled children/families at both public and private. You can't protect your children from this sort of thing. You can arm them with a stable home environment, share your views with them, etc., but I think most people overestimate the influence they have in this aspect of their children's lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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ITA that you should give your children the education you think will be best for them, but just silly to suggest that there are just as many entitled/spoiled dcs at public and private. More kids at private are rich and privileged than at public, period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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Of course there are more rich and privileged at private schools, but my point is that I don't think wealth or lack thereof has as much to do with what kind of person a child grows into as people think. I can think of many families (some wealthy, most not) where one child is responsible, thoughtful, etc., and the other child is entitled, spoiled, demanding, etc. I think the results have more to do with the personality of the children involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:44 PM Flag
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i think that your motivation with your kids is admiral; but why would you take up a spot in public G&T if you can afford private? There are plenty of ways to work with your kids to keep them grounded and there a many children without a trust fund that could use the spot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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^^^admirable [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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As a public school mom I say welcome to the OP and families like hers. The only criteria for G&T is that dc scores well. No income limitations on either end. And we need families from all across the income spectrum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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so there are no limits on the number of kids that are accepted? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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Of course not. I'm just saying there is no cut-off for income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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oh ok. well I'd hate to see a kid with great scores - who can't afford private - not get into the public g&t program because a spot has been taken by a with other options...but that's just me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.21.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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Private school in the early years is not about money and privilege. I don't think that becomes a major issue until kids are in later middle school. Kids make friends with other kids they like--the kid from the Bronx can be best friends with a kid from Park Avenue. One thing that is great about private school is that kids can really develop love for subjects and study them in depth. My 4th grade dd loved science and history--this became part of who she is. She thought of herself as a person who loved these subjects and was challenged in thinking about them. History is not a subject at most public elementary schools--it is the watered-down "social studies." Your child will receive a broader, more in-depth education at most private schools and will likely develop strong relationships with teachers they see year after year. I like the community of the school also. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:54 AM Flag
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