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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Flame away, but I LOVE SYTYCD! So excited it is back on! 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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I would cheerfully flame you, but I have no idea what you are talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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me too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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God, I miss the old UB. SYTYCD = So you think You Can Dance! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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I am old UB, but I don't watch much TV. Glad you are amused, but those jeans don't flatter you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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Good one...... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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LOL! She really is old school UB! ;-) (np) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:18 PM Flag
[ - ] My husband & I dismissed private w/ 3 dcs, b/c we figured we couldn't possibly get enough FA. We live in Brooklyn -- what is the best we could probably do? 54 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.26.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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Some people get 80-90% aid. Extremely high ERB? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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ERBs don't correlate with financial aid. Aid is based on the need of the family--not the smarts of the child (who, of course, qualifies for admission). np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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The report is based on need but the school itself can give more than the report recommends because they want the child, so high ERB can make a difference as well as diversity. We applied to 9 schools for FA and this is how it was explained to us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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Not sure what you're asking. But I wouldn't assume you couldn't get enough FA. The more dc you have, the more FA most schools will offer you. And there are definitely families w/ 3 dc in private, receiving FA if that's what you're worried about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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we have 3 dcs on FA - get about 1/3 off for each dc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:35 AM Flag
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nothing like bringing 3 lives into the world and then looking for a handout to educate them. don't you people think about this before you contribute to overpopulation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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The wording here is cold, but i had the same thought. DH and I just sat down and realized we really cant have a 3rd, and still live the kind of life we want to live. Funny to see other people's reverse-planning mindsets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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OP: I got pg w/ twins the 2nd time. Wasn't planned & has been very stressful since they were born. I would leave city in a minute but my husband is legally blind & can't drive. Only on UB can people hide behind their anonymity & be so judgemental. AND, I said we had dismissed private. You MUST be a Republican to be so selfish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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np: so who do you think should get FA? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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nnp. Given her wording, I'm guessing she doesn't think anyone should get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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I wasn't thinking of the twin scenario. And no - - diehard liberal! Who wishes we could afford a third! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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i don't know much about this stuff, but i think it would be hard to place twins at a private, much less with fa. gl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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How F*cking dare you. i was feeling REALLY bad for you and rooting for you until that comment. I'm a Republican and if you knew me IRL you would NEVER call me selfish. Until now you seemed like a reasonable person doing well with challenging circumstances. I was admiring you. Then you made a narrow-minded, prejudicial comment. And I'm sure you take offense when people are unfair to your family because of your husband's blindness...but THEIR close-mindedness is wrong, right? YOURS is OK because it's against Republicans who must all be alike and must all be selfish and evil, right? hypocrite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:12 PM Flag
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np. OMG. How f*cking DARE she? LOL! The intensity of your moral outrage is absurd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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nnp. legally blind dh mom is on here a lot, milking the board for sympathy. i'm sort of over her myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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nnnp:you just prefer not to not to know the details of someone's circumstances so you can blindly slam them? God forbid a poster evoke sympathy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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She wiped out her own sympathy vote with the "republican" crack. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:59 PM Flag
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blindly? lol! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:05 PM Flag
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I know, what a choice of words! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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This is overly harsh. You don't know what their circumstances are, so this kind of criticism is based on your assumptions of their situation. Did you stop to consider that perhaps their children are adopted? Anyway, FA is a mechanism that schools provide to create economic, racial and cultural diversity. To call it a "handout" is demeaning to those people who receive it, and to the various organizations that spend time and money to raise funds for this valuable, time-honored tradition in private education. After all, the parents of our children's classmates will also be our friends, and I enjoy welcoming into our family of friends people who break the mold. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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np. There's no point trying to discuss it rationally or politely with her. She's here on a regular basis ranting about this. Her vitriol and writing style are so recognizable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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I hope that the poor OP isn't rattled by this. I hate it when people are attacked on UB like this. It's so lame! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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hey, I recognize you, too, vitriol mom!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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It'd be tough for you to recognize me, as I've never posted about your vitriol before tonight. Maybe you have me mixed up with one of the many other UBers who feels the same way. You really need to get a new horse to beat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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maybe you have just been on Ub too long. the only place where the word vitriol is used with any regularity by people with a limited vocabulary [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:02 PM Flag
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Don't worry, my vocabulary is just fine. The word happens to fit perfectly in your case. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:06 PM Flag
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OMG! I LOVE YOU! (and think the same thing everytime "vitriol" is used here...by morons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:07 PM Flag
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touche...gotta hand it to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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While I agree with your comment I don't see what adoption has to do with it. I'm in the process of adopting from China and I certainly won't expect to be excused from all civic and ethical responsibility because I got my child in a different way than the traditional. In order to legally adopt you have to prove that financially you can take on another child. While this doesn't mean you have to send that child to private school, I certainly don't think that adopting a child should earn you any extra financial aid points. No more so than any other family applying for FA with multiple children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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np. Glad I'm not the only one scratching my head over the adoption comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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I wasn't suggesting that adopting a child should earn a family financial aid. I was responding to the post condemning the OP of "overpopulation." I was just trying to think of circumstances where having three might not have been in the plan for that family. Apparently, while I was writing my post, the OP said she had twins. A scenario that I didn't think of at the time. I just felt that the OP and FA were being unjustifiably attacked. I certainly had no intention of placing any value judgment on adoption and was not tying it in any way to FA...sorry to be unclear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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oy...having three might not be in the plan! That's not what I meant either. I'm obviously tired and will stop posting. I do hope that you understand what I am trying to say! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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I don't think it is harsh. frankly if OP is in such a mess, she should forget privates and concentrate on living somewhere where she can take proper care of her dcs and her dh. going for private school in nyc in her situation just sounds stupid. nothing reasonable about it at all. its one things to get twins unexpectantly. its another to shoot to educate them in private school if you cannot afford it. anyway she is always whipping out her circumstances as an angry attack whenever someone doesn't agree that she deserves more than everyone else for having to suffer the way she does. cannot stand op [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:35 PM Flag
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np: Hello, she said she had dismissed private b/c it seemed unrealistic -- she was just asking re FA. Guess you don't have any "circumstances" in your life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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nnp. why does she care if she's already dismissed private? because she wants the throw herself another pity party. poor me, blind dh, three dcs, boo-hoo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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well, in her circumstances, I would find it unrealistic and would not need UB to tell me otherwise. As for circumstances in my life, I guess we all have them. Just don't pull them out in an aggressive attempt to jerk a tear. OP is entitled and angry. she uses her dh's blindness to fight others when her entitlement becomes apparent to them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:53 PM Flag
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WTF? Someone was attacking her -- I don't know how that makes her entitled or angry. She was just defending herself. Do you think people should just have monosyllabic responses here? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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she did not need to pull out the sob story in an aggresive attack. how should we know? she could have said that the twins were not anticipated and now finds herself with 3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:18 PM Flag
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How should we know? Yeah, assume the worst & go for the jugular [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:20 PM Flag
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np. There was nothing overly aggressive about her post, considering what she was responding to. The only thing she wrote that was attack-like was her accusation that you and the poster following you must be Republicans. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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It is nasty post guilt that is making it a "sob story". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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Are your kids in private? You paying full freight? If you couldn't would you not consider FA? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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Not liking the poster, shouldn't translate to condemning FA as a handout and accusing people with three kids of overpopulating the planet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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np. To make the jump from OP applying for FA to not taking proper care of her family is beyond ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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did OP say she was poor, or just that her dh was blind? OP: what is HHI, btw? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:03 PM Flag
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OP: Not poor, but middle class. 150K HHI in a good yr. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:13 PM Flag
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would seem that even with FA, you will be unable to afford it for 3 kids. i would look to get a good public, either by moving or G&T [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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OP: thanks! dd got into a pretty good public, so not so worried. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:27 PM Flag
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OP: Mentioned that my dh is legally blind simply to explain why he can't drive & why moving out of city not realistic. Really wondering about FA. Really didn't need the gratuitous nastiness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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does legally blind mean he can see for the most part, but does not have good enough vision or depth perception to drive? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:08 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, he is an architect so I hope he can see something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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Don't pay attention to them - I had the same circumstances. 1st dc in private then unexpected twins, didn't think we could swing all 3 but school was very good to us &gave us FA for all 3. Don't know how hard it would have been if we didn't already have a track record at that school tho. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 07:39 AM Flag
[ - ] I can't click on searched posts or on any of those "most popular" posts on the right side of the screen without a "This page is not working" message coming up. Is it UB or is it my browser? Anyone else having this issue? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:01 PM Flag
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no one? help! desperate! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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I'm having this issue too, I have been all along since the "upgrade". Not with all the posts but with maybe 50% [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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So annoying, right? My issues just started yesterday. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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Try quitting your browser or else restarting your computer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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Hmmm... Did that already. So you aren't having this issue? Maybe it's a mac-related thing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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Have a Mac. Hmmmm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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Do you use Safari? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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I'm on Firefox now. I had issues with other websites with Safari. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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Aha. Yes, Safari seems to be acting up. Annoying, because my only other option is Internet Explorer, which sucks bigtime. Thanks for your help, though. Maybe cnet geniuses can work this out. Funny too because it wasn't happening before, just started yesterday. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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np I know some people are having issues still. I thought it was only people using firefox or something. If no one using a mac posts, try posting again in a little while. Maybe someone can help [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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happens to me too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
[ - ] My gifted ds reading at 3.5 . Do experts say no early reading is a sign of giftedness or that lack of it is not a negative indicator of giftedness? i don't think it's developmental. i think it can be taught to most kids if you start early enough. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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Zzzzzzzzzz [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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I thought you could not test for giftedness that young. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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so you taught him to read on purpose at 3? that is strange [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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np maybe she didn't. My 3yo is close to reading and I never push her. She asks questions all the time and figures things out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:11 PM Flag
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But the way she said "it can be taught" was what freaked me out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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So many double negatives in your post its no wonder db doesn't read [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:18 PM Flag
[ - ] Brearley. Peer group is as good and education is more consistent. But only for a child who can handle herself socially. Girls together for years can be intense. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 05.26.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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It is the best girls school in NYC probably in the country. If your daughter gets in don't worry she will do fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:53 PM Flag
[ - ] wine=good 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:57 PM Flag
[ - ] UB- you tease me with posts on your homepage that i would read... than you give me an error message when i click it. WHY?? i am coming here less and less b/c of stuff like this. i used to really enjoy this site and now i don't 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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OP: OOPS i ment this for site feedback! sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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that's ok. There are still some glitches that are frustrating. They do seem to be fixing things slowly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Is "Cane Sugar" considered refined? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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Only in certain social circles [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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Which ones? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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WASPS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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But, seriously, is it "refined" in the same sense of other sugars? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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Yes, cane sugar is a refined carb. You can get raw or natural cane sugar that is less "refined." It's not worth sweating about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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Oh please. Like WASPS eat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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sugar in our tea and boubon we do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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LOL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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yes, I think all sugar that is not in its natural state (like, in an apple or in maple syrup) is refined [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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it should say on the box, dummy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:01 PM Flag
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?????????????? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:07 PM Flag
[ - ] At what age do you start letting the db cry it out, even just a little, mine often cries cause she has to bump or spit up, she is 8 weeks 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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8 weeks is way too early. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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4 months [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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if you ignore a child's cries at that age, you will teach her that the only tool she has to get your attention is ineffective. You MUST respond to your 8 week-old's cries. Burping and spitting up is big business at that age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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CIO is strictly for sleep. Otherwise you comfort. If you set up sleep right, you won't have to do much CIO at all. Read Weissbluth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:58 PM Flag
[ - ] i had to take a cab to DUMBO yesterday and the driver said that no one ever goes there, he didn't know how to get there, that i was a tourist from another country, and would go right when i asked him to go straight...it took almost an hour to get from the les to the wedding. crazy 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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what?@ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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Report him. Skiving cabbies make me so mad! No one made you be a cabbie! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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i didn't get his info, i just got the hell out of there...my friend and i were convinced we were on candid camera [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:57 PM Flag
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Too bad. Grrrrrrr. He was trying to get rid of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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I think I know someone else who went to that wedding. that is bizarre about the cab driver though, dumbo is pretty well on the map [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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really? it was a fun wedding. but, yeah, i was like "you take the first exit off of the brooklyn bridge" and he was like "where, what is it called, which side do i have to be on, it is a really complicated area" and i literally asked him if he knew where the brooklyn bridge was [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Anderson vs. Brearley w/ FA. Which would you take? Why? TIA. 54 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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How much FA? I am not fond of Brearley, but it does go all the way up to 12th grade and at Anderson you have to worry about HS admissions (the thought of doing this again kills me). If you read Helicopter mom, she says all the kids have no life in MS bec grade is part of the equation to HS admissions (said kids with 96 average didn't get into some schools). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:10 PM Flag
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A lot of FA. More than 70%. I'd rather not give an exact number. I thought Helicopter Mom's dc were at LL and NEST? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:15 PM Flag
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right now, i would say that would be my fantasy dilemma in 2 years. but ask me in 2 years and my answer may be different. dd accepted to so called tt preschool with the same amount of fa as you. we are beyond thrilled. however, only time will tell about the social aspect of the school. if you can swing the balance of the tuition and feel your dd will mix well with her peers then go for brearley. that's what i would do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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Thanks. I hope I'm not still here in 2 years, though. ;) We know some families at B and do think dd would be ok there. At least for the lower school years, but I'm sure it'll be harder to be a FA kid in middle school and high school. We can swing the tuition. They were generous and gave us what we asked for. It makes me feel guilty to consider backing out at this point. But the thought of possibly passing on a G&T school like A makes me feel reckless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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np: It certainly is reckless of you to have ranked Anderson when you are not prepared to accept a seat there if offered one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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np: That is not for you to say. It would seem that everyone applies to a wide range of schools. Please show me the child that only applies to one school. Why did so many private bound dcs even apply to Hunter? Also, circumstances change so op may decide to go to Anderson. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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You obviously do not understand the citywide process this year. NO WAITLIST. Get it? If the OP turns down a seat at Anderson, that seat is gone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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I'm aware of that. We didn't apply for the hell of it. We applied because we're seriously considering turning down the spot at private if dd gets in at A. It wasn't an easy decision to apply and it won't be an easy decision to choose which school if we're so lucky to have the choice. If that offends you, so be it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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np - I guess the question is, couldn't you make the decision before sending in your paperwork? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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nnp: How could she? More often than not, it is very difficult to make a decision like that hypothetically. If her DD gets A placement, then it will be the time to make it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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(OP) Thank for for understanding this. It's one thing to imagine what you might do when it's all hypothetical, but it's another when you have actual choices. If we were wealthy it would be an easy decision, but we're not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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^ I meant Thank YOU. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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Also, obviously she has been to all the welcome events at B by this point and still isn't sure. Give the woman a break. She has the right. I can't imagine being in her situation and think even for a second that I would choose Anderson, but I am not her and my dd is not hers. We each do what is best for our families and our dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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I would have to say Brearley--particularly with the aid. The resources are simply better and the high school would be a big incentive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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Wow. I'm pleasantly surprised by this response. I expected to be told we're stupid for even thinking of taking B over A if we're not wealthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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np: The clincher is the 70% aid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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If your daughter can go to Brearley why are you questioning this. It's the best and also it doesn't have the social trapping of Spence or Nightingale. It's about giving your daughter the BEST education. I went there and so did my daughters. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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Perhaps if you had attended Spence or Nightingale you would have mastered proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 05:34 AM Flag
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NOT true at all. I met some really nice people at Spence and Nightingale and some really awful people at Brearley. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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do you equate paying full tuition as having values and accepting FA as having less values? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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np: wow! Why would you say that? Financial aid is there to help people who do not have the $ for full (crazy expensive, imo) tuition. Only people who make over $1 million year have the right to send their children to excellent schools? If the child is motivated, intelligent and engaged, the child has the right to whatever education will best benefit her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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well, no. private schools are not charities. they are for-profit institutions. no one has the right to send their dc there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:34 PM Flag
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np: I think this poster reasons for not accepting FA is insane and she sounds like a nut job, however, I wouldn't send if I needed FA becuase I think kids can be cruel and their will be some seriously ricj kids a that school and I wouldn't want my DD to be looked at as a have not or charity case or something. I grew up in a wealthy town with a wrong side of the tracks and it is very hard for the less privileged kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:32 AM Flag
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I understand your reasons and that's definitely more reasonable than previous values mom. If I got financial aid I would still send my child though. I went to a private school and people assumed I was on FA just because I was black -- even though my parents paid full tuition. I got over it, it made me stronger and I went to a top college and grad school. I credit my academic success with my parents' support and expectations and the quality of my private school. (Though our situations are different, I totally respect your reasoning and think that's the whole point of parenting. Making the best decisions for your family and not doing what other people think you should do.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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Brearley hands down. I worked for the DOE for 10 years. We are in a similar situation with another SS and would not even think about pulling out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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General Topics 05.26.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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Ditto. We are at B and there is no stigma attached to FA. I would say noone necessarily knows who is FA. You will obviously not be one of the people living on Park Avenue, but most people don't. Anderson is a terrific option, but no comparison to B. if your daughter is lucky enough to have that option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:08 PM Flag
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How has your dd reacted to the differences between what some families have and others don't? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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You'll find the same difference at public [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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Not to the degree you'll find it at Brearley or most NYC private schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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Sure you will. There will just be fewer of the uber wealthy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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I thought I would be having the wealth conversation at age 9 or 10, but it started the first year. Some people have gigantic multifloor apts. which my dc did notice on playdates. Other families-some of the girls she likes the best-have smaller apts than we do. ( and ours is not big. At this point it is so much about which girls she thinks are nice-almost all-rather than what they "have". I think/hope by the time she is older that her friends will just be her friends, rather than the dd of Mr. Uber-Rich. Ask me in 5 years, but so far it is an issue that has been relatively easy to deal with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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how do you know anderson is no comparison, brearley mom? geez, you private school people think you know everything, including the quality of schools where you have no experience...enough even to draw comparisons [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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B Poster above. You are right I do not have a dc at Anderson. But I have friends who do-who are happy and love it-but had they had the option of B. they would have taken it. ( And they still say that.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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how old is your child?? I wouldn't be worried about the grammar school years (and I could care less what the parents do or say I am an adult) but 12-13 yo kids can be vicious and the kids with FA will be outcasts, regardless of what you see or are told on hte tour. When my DD invites her friends over to a 2 bedroom east of 3rd and all her friends live in giantic apartments and have summer homes and drivers, trust me they will know who has FA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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np - I grew up in a town with very rich people and very middle class people, and money and popularity had nothing to do with each other. The nice, attractive, socially-adept kids were popular regardless of their parents' wealth. And there were plenty of rich, nerdy kids who spent their time in their (beautifully appointed) basements playing video games. I think this is in the parents' minds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:56 PM Flag
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Totally agree. I have an older dc at B. and the kids who have a chip on their shoulder about wealth-and a few do- are a clearly internalizing family issues. This is true for very wealthy kids who have a bit of an attitude, as well as FA kids who are occasionally very defensive. These dcs are few and far between, however. Most dds couldn't care less if you have a beach house or not. Popularity is in NO WAY linked to income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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D. has been at public G & T and is now at B. Take B. It's better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:46 AM Flag
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Which G&T? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 04:50 AM Flag
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Another vote for B. With 3 kids we have experience in Anderson, PS9 G&T, Delta and private and with that FA I don't think you should consider Anderson. Yes, it's good - but that's within the public school sector. It's still a public school which means crowding, fewer extras and never ending begging for money - from state, city, local merchants and parent body. Also, DOE changes things so often, you might like what Anderson is now, but things could change very significantly in a year or 5 that you have little influence over. Loved Anderson (and ps9 g&t and delta), but for us, private was def better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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What kind of extras are there fewer of at Brearley compared to Anderson? And you didn't find the solicitations for funds among the parents the same at private school vs public school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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^^^Oops! I said the opposite - fewer at Anderson compared to Brearley, of course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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Our experience at private vs. public is that at private you're asked to contribute, but if you don't, or if you only give what you can (a little amt) you're left alone. Also there are soooo many people all wanting to volunteer to be on the PA or help with things, it feels like you can if you want, but you don't feel guilty if you can't (or don't want to). At Anderson, etc there's a constant struggle for money - either donations or fund raising events (which need volunteers) and not nearly as many parents stepping up to help. You see the same names all the time doing much of the work. There's no endowment so every dollar really counts. Just my experience. And in terms of extras - at B you'll have gym every day, all different kinds of art including ceramics and photography etc, real languages (where kids actually learn to speak it!) and music/theater where they play in full orchestras and perform plays. Just a richer (pun intended) experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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This is true with all publics, but it is your choice whether you want to be one of the few parents that basically run the school or if you want to stay on the sidelines. If you just write the check once a year and maybe go spend some money at the auction they'll still be happy with you. Most families contribute nothing or next to nothing so you'll still be way ahead of the curve. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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(OP) Thanks for the responses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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Every situation is diff but we chose our FC TT (not B) over Hunter. Also on a lot of FA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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your crazy. with TT private there could be any number of reasons your dc got in, money, connections, etc. With Hunter you are smart, that's it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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Why is she crazy? Yes you are right standards are lowered for the Uber wealthy and connected sometimes. That said, privates still provide a better education in that they can really educate the whole child. That is of paramount importance to some people thus they prefer private to Hunter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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I totally agree that everyone's choice is personal & absolutely correct for them. But I want to ask about your comment about "educating the whole child". What does that mean to you? Why would any private school be better at that than Hunter? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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It wasn't easy, trust me, and we struggled with decision but are very happy now with our choice. For our family and kid, it was the right choice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.27.08, 02:43 PM Flag
[ - ] dh called 3 yr old dd "good girl." Don't like that term because implies she's good or bad. I don't want her labeling herself or trying to be a good girl. How can I explain this to dh so he gets it. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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Oh shut up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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DH probably already knows you're insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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The above poster is rude, but the general message of "stop being so controlling" is a good one. In general, you want to praise the action rather than the child. "Your table manners were so polite tonight!" But if DH isn't into it, let it slide. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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just go have a cockatail [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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relax and deal with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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Tell him how you feel. It's worked for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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no, actually, you DO want her to want to be good. what would you prefer "Good job, Madison!!" or maybe "You did so well"? maybe he can just swap the phrase [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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Hey, OP--I'm with you. labeling "good" and "bad" doesn't sit well with me. My DH tends to label behavior as "bad". Can't put my finger on why, but I don't like it and haven't addressed it yet. Need to articulate for myself why it bothers me first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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My dad did that to me and now I have to have my husband say "You're such a good girl" when we have sex! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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snort [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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That's what we say to the dog when she poops outdoors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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np: surprised by the neg. replies here. i agree w/ you (as does my mom, a child psychologist). you don't want dd to think SHE is bad, just that she DID something bad. just like all those kids books that say something to the effect that I still love you, even when you break a vase, or i love you all the time, even when i'm mad at you, etc.. your daughter is not bad or good. she does bad or good things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 05:08 PM Flag
[ - ] re:tall girls,they stick together? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Los Angeles 05.26.08, 04:52 PM Flag
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Most of the time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:52 PM Flag
[ - ] does the search function ever work here? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.26.08, 04:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Anderson vs. Brearley w/ FA. Which would you take? Why? TIA. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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>> Sorry. Wrong board. Please ignore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:52 PM Flag
[ - ] i had two dogs and one died. the other dog was not into people at all and i can tell he is really confused, looking all over for the other dog and actually coming to me for affection (hugely out of character). i don't know how to help him, it is so sad 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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Get another dog, quick. Look in the shelters for an older dog that needs a home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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god, i feel like i can't handle it right now, i'm sad too but this other dog is breaking my heart more, maybe [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:55 PM Flag
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Aww, poor doggie. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
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