< Return to Talk
05.26.08, 16:53 PM NY Schools
54 replies
Anderson vs. Brearley w/ FA. Which would you take? Why? TIA. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 05.26.08, 04:53 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
How much FA? I am not fond of Brearley, but it does go all the way up to 12th grade and at Anderson you have to worry about HS admissions (the thought of doing this again kills me). If you read Helicopter mom, she says all the kids have no life in MS bec grade is part of the equation to HS admissions (said kids with 96 average didn't get into some schools). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:10 PM Flag
»
A lot of FA. More than 70%. I'd rather not give an exact number. I thought Helicopter Mom's dc were at LL and NEST? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:15 PM Flag
»
right now, i would say that would be my fantasy dilemma in 2 years. but ask me in 2 years and my answer may be different. dd accepted to so called tt preschool with the same amount of fa as you. we are beyond thrilled. however, only time will tell about the social aspect of the school. if you can swing the balance of the tuition and feel your dd will mix well with her peers then go for brearley. that's what i would do. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:32 PM Flag
»
Thanks. I hope I'm not still here in 2 years, though. ;) We know some families at B and do think dd would be ok there. At least for the lower school years, but I'm sure it'll be harder to be a FA kid in middle school and high school. We can swing the tuition. They were generous and gave us what we asked for. It makes me feel guilty to consider backing out at this point. But the thought of possibly passing on a G&T school like A makes me feel reckless. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:53 PM Flag
»
np: It certainly is reckless of you to have ranked Anderson when you are not prepared to accept a seat there if offered one. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:00 PM Flag
»
np: That is not for you to say. It would seem that everyone applies to a wide range of schools. Please show me the child that only applies to one school. Why did so many private bound dcs even apply to Hunter? Also, circumstances change so op may decide to go to Anderson. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:15 PM Flag
»
You obviously do not understand the citywide process this year. NO WAITLIST. Get it? If the OP turns down a seat at Anderson, that seat is gone. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:16 PM Flag
»
I'm aware of that. We didn't apply for the hell of it. We applied because we're seriously considering turning down the spot at private if dd gets in at A. It wasn't an easy decision to apply and it won't be an easy decision to choose which school if we're so lucky to have the choice. If that offends you, so be it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:26 PM Flag
»
np - I guess the question is, couldn't you make the decision before sending in your paperwork? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 08:52 PM Flag
»
nnp: How could she? More often than not, it is very difficult to make a decision like that hypothetically. If her DD gets A placement, then it will be the time to make it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:07 AM Flag
»
(OP) Thank for for understanding this. It's one thing to imagine what you might do when it's all hypothetical, but it's another when you have actual choices. If we were wealthy it would be an easy decision, but we're not. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 12:32 PM Flag
»
^ I meant Thank YOU. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 12:36 PM Flag
»
Also, obviously she has been to all the welcome events at B by this point and still isn't sure. Give the woman a break. She has the right. I can't imagine being in her situation and think even for a second that I would choose Anderson, but I am not her and my dd is not hers. We each do what is best for our families and our dc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:27 PM Flag
»
I would have to say Brearley--particularly with the aid. The resources are simply better and the high school would be a big incentive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:14 PM Flag
»
Wow. I'm pleasantly surprised by this response. I expected to be told we're stupid for even thinking of taking B over A if we're not wealthy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:29 PM Flag
»
np: The clincher is the 70% aid. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:44 PM Flag
»
If your daughter can go to Brearley why are you questioning this. It's the best and also it doesn't have the social trapping of Spence or Nightingale. It's about giving your daughter the BEST education. I went there and so did my daughters. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:57 PM Flag
»
Perhaps if you had attended Spence or Nightingale you would have mastered proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 05:34 AM Flag
»
NOT true at all. I met some really nice people at Spence and Nightingale and some really awful people at Brearley. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:39 PM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:08 PM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:11 PM Flag
»
do you equate paying full tuition as having values and accepting FA as having less values? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:18 PM Flag
»
yes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 07:43 PM Flag
»
np: wow! Why would you say that? Financial aid is there to help people who do not have the $ for full (crazy expensive, imo) tuition. Only people who make over $1 million year have the right to send their children to excellent schools? If the child is motivated, intelligent and engaged, the child has the right to whatever education will best benefit her. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:24 AM Flag
»
well, no. private schools are not charities. they are for-profit institutions. no one has the right to send their dc there. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:34 PM Flag
»
np: I think this poster reasons for not accepting FA is insane and she sounds like a nut job, however, I wouldn't send if I needed FA becuase I think kids can be cruel and their will be some seriously ricj kids a that school and I wouldn't want my DD to be looked at as a have not or charity case or something. I grew up in a wealthy town with a wrong side of the tracks and it is very hard for the less privileged kids. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:32 AM Flag
»
I understand your reasons and that's definitely more reasonable than previous values mom. If I got financial aid I would still send my child though. I went to a private school and people assumed I was on FA just because I was black -- even though my parents paid full tuition. I got over it, it made me stronger and I went to a top college and grad school. I credit my academic success with my parents' support and expectations and the quality of my private school. (Though our situations are different, I totally respect your reasoning and think that's the whole point of parenting. Making the best decisions for your family and not doing what other people think you should do.) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:42 AM Flag
»
Brearley hands down. I worked for the DOE for 10 years. We are in a similar situation with another SS and would not even think about pulling out. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 05:46 PM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 06:37 PM Flag
»
Ditto. We are at B and there is no stigma attached to FA. I would say noone necessarily knows who is FA. You will obviously not be one of the people living on Park Avenue, but most people don't. Anderson is a terrific option, but no comparison to B. if your daughter is lucky enough to have that option. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 08:08 PM Flag
»
How has your dd reacted to the differences between what some families have and others don't? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 08:17 PM Flag
»
You'll find the same difference at public [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 04:48 AM Flag
»
Not to the degree you'll find it at Brearley or most NYC private schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 12:39 PM Flag
»
Sure you will. There will just be fewer of the uber wealthy [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:39 PM Flag
»
I thought I would be having the wealth conversation at age 9 or 10, but it started the first year. Some people have gigantic multifloor apts. which my dc did notice on playdates. Other families-some of the girls she likes the best-have smaller apts than we do. ( and ours is not big. At this point it is so much about which girls she thinks are nice-almost all-rather than what they "have". I think/hope by the time she is older that her friends will just be her friends, rather than the dd of Mr. Uber-Rich. Ask me in 5 years, but so far it is an issue that has been relatively easy to deal with. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:27 PM Flag
»
how do you know anderson is no comparison, brearley mom? geez, you private school people think you know everything, including the quality of schools where you have no experience...enough even to draw comparisons [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.26.08, 08:51 PM Flag
»
B Poster above. You are right I do not have a dc at Anderson. But I have friends who do-who are happy and love it-but had they had the option of B. they would have taken it. ( And they still say that.) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:21 PM Flag
»
how old is your child?? I wouldn't be worried about the grammar school years (and I could care less what the parents do or say I am an adult) but 12-13 yo kids can be vicious and the kids with FA will be outcasts, regardless of what you see or are told on hte tour. When my DD invites her friends over to a 2 bedroom east of 3rd and all her friends live in giantic apartments and have summer homes and drivers, trust me they will know who has FA. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:35 AM Flag
»
np - I grew up in a town with very rich people and very middle class people, and money and popularity had nothing to do with each other. The nice, attractive, socially-adept kids were popular regardless of their parents' wealth. And there were plenty of rich, nerdy kids who spent their time in their (beautifully appointed) basements playing video games. I think this is in the parents' minds. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:56 PM Flag
»
Totally agree. I have an older dc at B. and the kids who have a chip on their shoulder about wealth-and a few do- are a clearly internalizing family issues. This is true for very wealthy kids who have a bit of an attitude, as well as FA kids who are occasionally very defensive. These dcs are few and far between, however. Most dds couldn't care less if you have a beach house or not. Popularity is in NO WAY linked to income. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:33 PM Flag
»
D. has been at public G & T and is now at B. Take B. It's better. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 04:46 AM Flag
»
Which G&T? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 04:50 AM Flag
»
Another vote for B. With 3 kids we have experience in Anderson, PS9 G&T, Delta and private and with that FA I don't think you should consider Anderson. Yes, it's good - but that's within the public school sector. It's still a public school which means crowding, fewer extras and never ending begging for money - from state, city, local merchants and parent body. Also, DOE changes things so often, you might like what Anderson is now, but things could change very significantly in a year or 5 that you have little influence over. Loved Anderson (and ps9 g&t and delta), but for us, private was def better. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 05:47 AM Flag
»
What kind of extras are there fewer of at Brearley compared to Anderson? And you didn't find the solicitations for funds among the parents the same at private school vs public school? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 05:50 AM Flag
»
^^^Oops! I said the opposite - fewer at Anderson compared to Brearley, of course. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 05:50 AM Flag
»
Our experience at private vs. public is that at private you're asked to contribute, but if you don't, or if you only give what you can (a little amt) you're left alone. Also there are soooo many people all wanting to volunteer to be on the PA or help with things, it feels like you can if you want, but you don't feel guilty if you can't (or don't want to). At Anderson, etc there's a constant struggle for money - either donations or fund raising events (which need volunteers) and not nearly as many parents stepping up to help. You see the same names all the time doing much of the work. There's no endowment so every dollar really counts. Just my experience. And in terms of extras - at B you'll have gym every day, all different kinds of art including ceramics and photography etc, real languages (where kids actually learn to speak it!) and music/theater where they play in full orchestras and perform plays. Just a richer (pun intended) experience. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:04 AM Flag
»
This is true with all publics, but it is your choice whether you want to be one of the few parents that basically run the school or if you want to stay on the sidelines. If you just write the check once a year and maybe go spend some money at the auction they'll still be happy with you. Most families contribute nothing or next to nothing so you'll still be way ahead of the curve. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:09 AM Flag
»
Thanks! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 06:19 AM Flag
»
(OP) Thanks for the responses. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 12:41 PM Flag
»
Every situation is diff but we chose our FC TT (not B) over Hunter. Also on a lot of FA. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:37 PM Flag
»
your crazy. with TT private there could be any number of reasons your dc got in, money, connections, etc. With Hunter you are smart, that's it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:38 PM Flag
»
Why is she crazy? Yes you are right standards are lowered for the Uber wealthy and connected sometimes. That said, privates still provide a better education in that they can really educate the whole child. That is of paramount importance to some people thus they prefer private to Hunter. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:41 PM Flag
»
I totally agree that everyone's choice is personal & absolutely correct for them. But I want to ask about your comment about "educating the whole child". What does that mean to you? Why would any private school be better at that than Hunter? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 05:51 PM Flag
»
It wasn't easy, trust me, and we struggled with decision but are very happy now with our choice. For our family and kid, it was the right choice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 05.27.08, 02:43 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions