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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Am curious: what causes an adult to be passive-aggressive? Is it anger from their childhood and/or parental exampls from their own childhood? i personally can't stand this and DH does it (more and more) 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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I still don't really get what that is. Can you give an example? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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Instead of confronting or dealing with an issue directly, you avoid it and make a statement by not showing up (to an event a person in question is hosting, for example) or a family event. And usually, no one really misses the passive aggressive person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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Dunno, honestly.... probably the mystery of the ages [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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I think it is because they think they have "power" over people. This is my mother...I feel like telling her that it may have worked when I was 10 and was afraid of her, but the jig is up and I really don't care anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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I'm passive aggressive. It's due to my Dad being very controlling, angry, aggressive so I became afraid to ask for anything directly. Once I realized what I was doing I started working on myself and I think I'm better now. One of my house rules is "Ask for what you want in a clear, concise, positive manner." and "No complaining, ..." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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I am passive aggressive. Its easier than being confrontational [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 11:19 PM Flag
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it's from being around people who never let you win, and never see your side of things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 11:48 PM Flag
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It's all personality IMO. Something innate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 12:04 AM Flag
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when dc is taught anger is bad they become passive aggressive adults [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 03:59 AM Flag
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Yes, my dh is the PA king. Came from a very controlling family: no freedom, no privacy, caring but cold and moralistic parents who never fought in front of him at all. He knows he is PA in the abstract but can't get him to do anything about it in real time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 05:43 AM Flag
[ - ] OK-43 years old, first baby at 38, focused on career for a while, now have a yearning for one more..too old? 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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TTC 06.03.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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Only your uterus knows the answer to that question. :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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I will be 42 and having DC 3 -- very healthy & will monitor pregnancy closely. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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op: I am a Pediatric RN and am a little nervous at the prospect of issues, although issues can occur as a result of birth as well. DH is not thrilled at the notion, but I am willing to take a chance...my Mom had me when she was 42 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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BTW, did you conceive naturally or IVF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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Not too old ONLY if you have the finances to get preg without draining family resources, and the health and youthful spouse to ensure family life continues until both children are established as adults. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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np: ITDA with all of this. Finances have nothing to do with OP's situation verus any other mother's. And a healthy and youthful spouse ensures nothing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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op: Amen to that...my husband is younger than me, eats badly and has cholesterol through the roof-I am convinced that he is a heart attack waiting to happen [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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Say he HAD (god forbid) had a heart attack. Would you factor that in to a decision to have more children? It doesn't matter which way it would make you lean - pro or con more kids - but it's disingenous to say it isn't at all a factor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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OP: it can be a factor, but if we all plan for the perfect circumstances in order to move on with life, none of us would ever do anything...think of all the people who died on 9/11 and in other unforeseen events... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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np: You sound like a pragmatic person, which I think makes a good parent. Go for it@ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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Finances have everything to do with it. Selfish to divert DC#1's college fund to do multiple rounds of IVF. Maybe OP will get lucky and do it the old-fashioned way, but my guess is she will need a little help - most 43 year olds would. And two healthy parents and a younger (or at least not older) spouse would improve your odds of having a stable family life for longer, alhtough obviously not guarantee it. If spouse is, say, in mid-sixties and in poor health, I think it would be a very different decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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But the thing with the finances has nothing to do with age! And old men have babies with really young women, why does OP have a different threshold than those women? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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I'm just listing the things I would think of. I am being presumptuous and assuming that OP, like many, many 43 year olds, may have trouble getting pregnant without intervention. You have to think in advance about how much $$ you'd be willing to lay out, and how that would affect your current children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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You have obviously never had or known any women with DHs who can't work to their full capacity. very naive to underestimate the importance of a DH's mental and physical health as one's partner incl childcare partner [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:58 PM Flag
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No, my point is this has nothing to do with OP's age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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OP: first of all, any financial manager will tell you that college fund takes a back seat to retirement savings, so hopefully people are not socking enough into a college fund that could pay for IVF. I would only conceive naturally-if it is meant to happen, it will, and if not, I can accept that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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Finances SHOULD have to do with EVERY mother's situation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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Yes, that was my point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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oops- didn't mean to reply to you... I got that that was your point, and ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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^^^d'oh, yes- I was confirming your position... man, it's late [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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I don't know why this became a discussion about finances. Money and family only overlap that far. Ultimately you have to do what works best for you. I'm 43 for a few more days myself, and in a very similar situation as you are. We had our first when I was 41 and we're considering "last call" for a second one. A few mcs later, it's been a tough call - and we've decided, if it works great, if not we have a terrific dc #1. It's doable. I know others who have done it. Should you decide to go ahead - good luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:39 PM Flag
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I'd say adopt. I'm sure somebody will shriek about this, but your chances of having a down's syndrome baby skyrocket once you're into your 40's. Not a risk I'd be willing to take. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 01:07 AM Flag
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More on Down Syndrome: http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/downsyndrome.cfm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 01:08 AM Flag
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Damn it, I keep hitting enter by accident. Anyway, at age 30 a woman has a 1 in 900 chance of having a down syndrome baby. At age 35 the risk shoots up to 1 in 400. And at age 44 a woman has a 1 in 35 risk. So you tell me... worth the risk? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.08, 01:10 AM Flag
[ - ] Pros and cons of a 45 min+ each-way commute for a NYC grade school student?? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:44 PM Flag
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I think the con is pretty obvious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Dropping out of a friendship with a woman who I'm finding increasingly quirky and she allows her DD to break down whenever DD doesn't get her way. Drives me mad. Gave her a bit of the cold shoulder after I tried to explain why certain sports activities my DS does (that conflicted with our spending time together on the weekend) is important for his integration in a new school -- she just didn't get it and I don't feel like explaining it. She is not athletic at all and I played sports all my life, work with men and women who are mostly athletic, do a lot of sports incl golf/business deals. WWYD? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:43 PM Flag
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HUH? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:45 PM Flag
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exactly. this post makes zero sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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so you find her shallow? non athletic? permissive? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:46 PM Flag
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none of the above - just quirky and not understanding the importance of sports in boys' socialization process and don't feel like trying to explain it all to her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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how is that quirky? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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I wouldn't get it. We place academics above everything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:03 PM Flag
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which is sort of dumb actually. EIQ is just as important. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:19 PM Flag
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can you explain what you mean about sports being important to your dc's integration? how old? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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np: She basically means she is better than this other mother and can't be bothered with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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confused - ditching her b/c she's a klutz or her parenting style? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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I'd be the other mom and think you were a freak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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You sound like shitty friend anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Any ideas as to where to buy big kid furniture that is not toxic or made in China? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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is room& board out? really? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:41 PM Flag
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second on r&b - I thought much of their furniture was made in the usa? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:51 PM Flag
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www.momgogreen.com She bought her kids an awesome bunkbed but I can't remember the name of the store. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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resale, consignment, auction, estate sale, antique shop [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:07 PM Flag
[ - ] Apparently you can get banned on the new UB too! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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Really? How do you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:41 PM Flag
[ - ] how often do you work out? i'm trying to get back into it and have been taking my DD to the tot drop at the gym -- it's actually working out nicely -- hopefully i'll get my groove back and go at least 3x a wk. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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3x/week and GOOD FOR YOU! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:36 PM Flag
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i'm trying but it hasn't happened. i went twice last week and worked out at home twice, so it's a start. not huge, long workouts, but i guess i'm moving... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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baby steps.... anything is better than nothing. it's not an instant fix, ease into it. that's OK. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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^^^ and that sounds awesome, what you've done.... keep it up! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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thanks. i'm doing some very light weights and the elliptical... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Freaking out about the Angelina baby name rumor. It's my dds name and I would HATE to have her name taken by the most famous kid on the planet (after Shiloh...) 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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what's the name? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:36 PM Flag
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what's the name? aimile? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:36 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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i don't think that's what she's naming her DD. i think she'd choose an even more unusual name -- see my response below... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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well, if her past choices of baby names are any indication, you don't have to worry unless your child has a very different (and somewhat odd) name like maddox, zahara, pax or shiloh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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I just don't want everyone to say "Oh, like Angelina's kid" every time she introduces herself for the next 10 years. Can't Angie come up with a more unusual name! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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any name that has been leaked to the press so far definitely isn't the name -- don't worry! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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I hope not!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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Is pronounced Emily? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 06:01 AM Flag
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SNORE!!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 06:03 AM Flag
[ - ] how much do you pay your nanny per week in Manhattan? How many hour do they work? Do they cook and do other house works? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.03.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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no one can answer? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:28 PM Flag
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$600/week for 50 hours, cooking for our DS, sometimes food shopping and laundry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.04.08, 07:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Am i doing my db a disservice by still swaddling him tightly at 3 months? He seems desperate to suck but won't really work a pacifier and I can't get him to go to sleep any other way. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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swaddling is fine. My pediatrician said to do it as long as possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:36 PM Flag
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Do whatever works now. You can deal with any consequences later. Because it's so hard to predict what your db will need next week, you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:41 PM Flag
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yes! it can slow down his development, stop swaddle him right away. Get him to suck on his own thumb, it is a good thing to learn to self regulating! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:42 PM Flag
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np: First time I've ever heard this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:43 PM Flag
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he needs to learn to move those arms. Our pd told us to stop swaddle after 2 month. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:46 PM Flag
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But they have all their waking hours to learn to use their arms. I don't think OP is keeping him hog-tied all 24/7 or anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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it really should stop being the way to fall asleep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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I have NO idea where you women learned to swaddle tightly. babies need to have their arms out as they get older/bigger [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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HOw do you get a 3 month old baby to suck his thumb? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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the hands have to be free first. Mine started sucking at a very early time, around 3 - 4 mo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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Don't you know that babies suck on their thumb even in mom's womb? Haven't you seen those pic of ultrasound? Mine started at even 2 mo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:13 PM Flag
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Just not too tight, I think. There was something recently in the Times I think about this. We swaddled my dc pretty tightly, which she really seemed to crave. Now she has a bit of hip dysplasia (which she seems to be outgrowing but I feel lousy about it.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:56 PM Flag
[ - ] which positive traits you like about your friends and negative ones? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:30 PM Flag
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positive: humor, negative: underhanded comments [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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positive: support, unconditional love, humor, kindness; negative: a little bit control freak (alas, among my main group- there are a few of us like that- me inlcuded!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 PM Flag
[ - ] just found out that xdh will not be paying for dd's all girl private.I have no $ and he is not even paying child support.I have talked with school who said until the balance from the previous yr is takem care of she cannot come back.She is in pre-k and did not get into 87; 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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that stinks. are you taking ex to court for back child support? did you have an agreement in place for school payments? i'm sorry this is happening to your DD. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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Is he doing this just to punish you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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If he is, I can give you some advice. my exDH tried that trick and we nailed him with financial judgments. not hard to do, IRS helps to crack down, freeze his bank accounts, etc. You will have the law on your side. GL! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:47 PM Flag
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I know it's naive of me, but I can't imagine a man who would deprive his child of an education just to get me back (even if I was a horrible person myself). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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You DO realize that there are many men out there who do this, right? angry with the ex wife (who initiated the divorce) and it's their way of getting back at the ex DW. it's sick and narcissist [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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I realize, but just can't compute it in my head. I'm so sorry for OP, even more for her DD. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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her DD will learn to distrust men unless she is lucky to have strong male role models, a great Stepdad someday, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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Yes, I can imagine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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that sucks. Can you get FA if you can get this year's balance paid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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Your school won't give you a little leeway because of your circumstances? Until the court orders your dh (I assume you are going to court)? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 09:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Used to be very good friends with a mom (dcs are the same age). Both sort of mutually drifted apart. Then it became more obvious that it was her doing. We see each other all the time at our dbs' preschool. It feels odd and uncomfartable. I do miss her friendship. Anyone BTDT? tia 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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best to move on. be polite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:34 PM Flag
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Yes- I got dissed by a mommy friend and it stings big time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:34 PM Flag
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did you ever talk to her about it. not my style, but we were good friends so i was considering it even though it would feel very awkward. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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Nope. She stopped returning my calls. I moved 20 minutes away and have no idea what happened. Last time we saw each other it was great. Then silence. I dream about it and have just tried to move on. I don't see her because I moved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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It really stinks those new mommy friendships. sometimes it can get really clicky. sorry you went through this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:40 PM Flag
[ - ] bought fresh ricotta, but have no bread to make crostini. will fresh pita bread work? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:23 PM Flag
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put it on a toasted english muffin -- sounds silly but it's really good with jam and sliced berries, too... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:33 PM Flag
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Yes! Similar to piadina. Lightly toast like you would french bread. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.03.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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