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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Do you pay your nanny off the books or on the books? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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both have been off untilthey receieved a green card..then part-on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:05 PM Flag
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On the books always. I would not break the law. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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I think our immigration laws are ludicrous and when they are sensible, I will only higher legal help, until then, I have little choice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:11 PM Flag
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^^hire [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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Give Wesley Snipes a call and ask what the IRS said about that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:13 PM Flag
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when I'm caught I'll pay up. But my first nanny was unable to obtain a social security tax id (I think lawas have chaged now) and our second, who has idea, was quickly in the process of getting a green card (got married after she worked for us half a year) and we felt that our plan to put her on the books after 6 months (if all was working out and chatting with immigrition lawyers etc) might hinder her citizenship process. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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On. DH works for the gov't and we cannot go off the books - he could lose his job over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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can everyone be paying on the books??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:08 PM Flag
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we pay off the books as does almost everyone we know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:09 PM Flag
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I wouldn't pay someone that is here legally off the books. If you fire her, she can decide to retaliate by telling the irs. I don't like having employees that have something to blackmail me with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:16 PM Flag
[ - ] Nanny mom again - she's been with us 2 years. How much bonus/severance to give when we leave? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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why would you give her severance or a bonus? if you want, give her 2 weeks. honestly, you are wayy to nice. i want you to hire me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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LOL, I'm glad I'm posting tonight. Sounds like I have some things to learn for the next nanny! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone use Your Kids Our Kids daycare on 15th Street? What is your opinion? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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Two thumbs up I like it. Both my kids go there. I m not sure if I know how to work this I might have replied twice. Sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.05.08, 09:56 AM Flag
[ - ] Argh, have tried to help nanny find a new job for after we move next week. We gave her 3 months notice and have given glowing references. Every single lead she's had has been from a Craigslist ad I placed and she has taken no other initiative on her own. So now moving day is next week and she has nothing lined up. I have really tried my hardest and feel guilty she's out in the cold, but am also sort of amazed she's been so passive. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:56 PM Flag
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It's not your job to find her something else. Stop worrying about her, you have enough to do if you're moving next week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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I know. My DH and friends can't believe the effort I've gone to. I can't really believe it either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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then don't feel guilty. she has to do it by herself but it was nice of you to help out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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OK, I'll try. I don't know why I feel so bad about this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:59 PM Flag
[ - ] We chose the Hebrew name for the ds we are expecting in August and it makes me so happy. I really love it. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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what is it? I could use some ideas [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Please help me make this decision. Should I go back to full-time (school year) job or work from home part time instead? If I work from home, I won't have daycare, but hours will be flexible. Have two dcs, 8 months and 3 years. WWYD? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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Work from home [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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I would work from home until youngest is in school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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PT but think about getting some childcare so you can actually get work done. No way would I be able to do anything at home with just my 1 ds, let alone 2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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but that's the problem-if I pay for daycare, I won't be able to afford it anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:04 PM Flag
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How about a sitter to be in the house a few hours a day? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:06 PM Flag
[ - ] I am going on a gay families cruise later this month. I have never been on a cruise before, let alone one where I bring my 1y/o. My partner, ds and my mom are going. What things should I bring to make our lives easier? (Cell phone? Water toys? Anything you can think of...) Thanks so much! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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sunscreen, hat. You don't need anything else. Everything else is there for you. You might want water wings or whatever you use, but take as little as possible. You can buy what you need. Sunsreen, film, etc are available on ship, but expensive. And that is the same advice I would give a straight person btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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Oh and diapers and wipes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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and swim diapers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:34 PM Flag
[ - ] Look 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.22.08, 01:41 PM Flag
[ - ] What's your opinion: my brother married a lovely woman about 10 years ago. We didn't know (but he knew) that she had issues with depression and took medication. No big deal. Well, 10 years and 2 kids later her depression is worsening, really impacting their lives. Meds aren't working so well. My brother is working FT and doing more than his share of housework -- she SAH. He loves her but can't imagine living much more of his life with her because her depression is making all of them so unhappy. I told him he vowed "in sickness and in health" so he has to make it work. What would you tell him? Curious. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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Is she trying new meds? or seeking other help? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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Sometimes an ultimatum is the only thing that gets people to get help. She needs to see a different dr, try different meds or a different treatment plan. enabling her does not help and teaches kids bad lessons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:48 PM Flag
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OP: They've actually done all this at least 2x over the last 3 years or so. Tried maybe 3 kinds of therapies and lots of meds/combinations. He told me she's said that she wished it was just something in an arm or leg -- she'd amputate and be done with it. He makes it sound like she's as frustrated as he is, but that doesn't change anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:28 PM Flag
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I agree with in sickness and in health, but he needs to be talking to her therapist. My mom had issues with depression, and honestly it was much better for the whole family when she was working. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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As a therapist, ITA. It is often much better for parent to be working...the routine and increased number of relationships requires a different level of accountability. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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OP: This is interesting. They made the choice years ago for her to stay home -- he supports them no problem. He hasn't talked about her maybe going back to work except to say "at least she's not working -- that would be even worse," but I don't know what he bases that on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:19 PM Flag
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or: I would try to get him to re-think that. Honestly, I'm all for staying home, which I am doing; but as a child, I was always happiest when my mom worked. She was still stressed out and depressed some of the time, but it wasn't nearly as oppressive as it was when she stayed home. She fluctuated between work and sahm a couple times, it is was noticeable each time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:23 PM Flag
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I think this is complex. I do think some aspects of even clinical/chemical depression are situational and behavioral. Perhaps she needs to be wohm and her entire salary goes toward house and childcare. And she needs to be working with a behavioralist as well as a really great doctor for her meds. I don't disagree that marriage is "in sickness and in health" but if her depression makes her incapabale of being in a marriage, that could be a concern for both of them. It sounds like your bro needs a counselor as well. How iw their financial situation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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otherwise, He might want to go much heavier on childcare and household help even if it is *not* the norm in his area (like irt is in NY) and get her a vlounteer job for 3-5 mornings per week....something to force her out of bed and in contact with other people [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:27 PM Flag
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I would tell him to do what was best for his children and not be so sanctimonioius. If his children are suffering with this woman, mother or not, he needs to do something drastic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:52 PM Flag
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OP: So you would suggest he leave her? And take the kids? With her medical history I assume he'd get custody. I don't think he'd be able to do this though... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:20 PM Flag
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Wow, talk about unsupportive. How are you helping, by the way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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np: how is that unsupportive? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:55 PM Flag
[ - ] G&T moms are SCARY. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.22.08, 01:40 PM Flag
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boo! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:41 PM Flag
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and anderson moms are the scariest! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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LL moms are pretty scary too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 04:59 PM Flag
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ITTA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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BWAH-HA-HA-HA HAAAAAA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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in what way? I went through private and public G&T application process, and I don't see much difference between the moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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Eh, just wait for the "I'm skipping pre-school and sending my toddler directly to Princeton" crowd to log on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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All of you mothers under 40 are scary - public, private, G&T, general ed... you know how to brag, complain, and whine, but you don't know how to discipline your children and use good judgment about what to say in front of them and when to keep your mouths shut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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OK, I really must say that the younger moms are so much better in the discipline dept. The older moms let so much more go discipline-wise, and they're just as competitive with the classroom stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 07:17 PM Flag
[ - ] where does your db nap? our 2.5 wk old is growing out of his boppy lounger. looking for ideas! tia 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.22.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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she used to sleep to sleep in her fisher price aquarium bouncy seat, she is 12wks and occasionally still does, she still loves it though, I highly recommend it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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OP; ah right ! bouncey seat! i was thinking of something to replace the lounger - one that reclines? i don't know if such a thing exists but... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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OP: oops, 2.5 MONTH old :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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still a great item [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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also can coax her to sleep in crib or easily in stroller [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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In the crib [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:23 PM Flag
[ - ] more questions for LL mom. what do dc usually do at the annual Talent show?? I did not go to any school tour, so know almost nothing. thanks a lot 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.22.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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I'm not "ll mom," but I've always said that I sure hope our LL kids are "gifted" cause most of 'em sure as hell ain't "talented," though they are all cute and they have fun at the talent show, which always raises $s [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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another LL mom here. There are usually a few talented musicians and/or dancers, but most of the 5 - 6 hour show is full of lipsynching while pantomiming lyrics. It's funny for the first 2 or 3 hours. If you only have 1 child, you can just go to their half of the show. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:15 PM Flag
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SIX hours? Why? Can't they edit or break it down into lower and upper grades? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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they do the younger grades, take a break and then do the older. I think this year we were out by 11. The nice thing is they won't turn anyone down. the bad thing is everyone wants to be in it. Talent has nothing to do with the desire to have a captive audience :-). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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thanks a lot. are you happy with this school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:46 PM Flag
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heck yes, it's free, it's 4 blocks from our apt, the teachers so far have been great (though sometimes a bit quirky, but that's actually been good). lots of involved parents (though we're not very involved -- we would be, but so many other parents seem to be eager to be involved and so we just try to make ourselves available when really needed). We always donate when asked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:31 PM Flag
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overall yes, except for the math and the lack of supervision during recess. Too many kids + not enough adults = unchecked meanies and bullies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:02 PM Flag
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thanks. how many teachers in one class to watch the 28 kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:03 PM Flag
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not or, but 3 adults per class K-2, 1 head teacher, 1 asst teacher, 1 student teacher. I'm not so worried about recess, it's not as if there are kids really tough kids there, I have one of the gentle ones who has never reported any real problems, just the usual playground dynamics of some kids (sometimes mine) being left out. MORE than enough adults around there all the time, TOO many parents hanging around for my taste, but that's just me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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thanks!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:42 PM Flag
[ - ] DH is out meeting all sorts of neighbors with the kids. I am in the most antisocial mood ever. We will fight about this later. Yay! 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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Why will you fight? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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because he hates when I'm antisocial. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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or are you jealous that he is out having fun and you are not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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huh? I have no desire to be out there. that's the point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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what do you want him to say to the neighbors when they ask where you are or why you are not outside? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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I would like him to tell them that I'm on top secret assignment with a government agency. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:52 PM Flag
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lol...I'll do that for my dh the next iem he feels unsociable [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 04:00 PM Flag
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it happens and i think okay to have your down time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 03:55 PM Flag
[ - ] My 4.5 ds has to leave his current school because the class in sept is too large for him. He has some sensory, some language and attention issues. I'm terrified bec we don't have a place for him. It seems Aaron might be the only option. But so many negative comments. Know of any other last minute open spots anywhere? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Special Needs 06.22.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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what is aaron? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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Will he be starting K? Or another year of preschool. First Friends advertises itself as a good place for kids with special needs (mixed special needs, non-special needs classes), but I can't vouch for that.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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most 4 yos have some sensory, language and attention "issues" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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can't help, but I"m sorry. I hope you find a terrific place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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Do you want to go public? CTT class? 234 might have an opening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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is "sensory, language and attention issues" code for "he bit too many of his classmates and he got expelled?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:44 PM Flag
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np, what is going so badly in your life that would have you be so rude to someone reaching out for help? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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Posts like this are what has driven the SN community from UB. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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OP: No. He is a very sweet and calm child. His issues are not behavioral but gets overwhelmed in large classes and loses focus. His verbal reasoning is delayed and has sensory issues, which are actually getting slowly resolved. His current class is mainstream and too crowded. I wish you some compassion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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how about a Montessori environement where things are quiet....maybe Family School? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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come over to youbemom.com a lot of the sn moms are there and might well have some good advice for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:08 PM Flag
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Aaron is a fantastic place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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I would go with Aaron. There have been negatives about it but I've also heard of families who have loved it for their child. You can have him start there, and if you want, start touring other schools in the fall. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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My dc goes to Aaron and we LOVE it. It has been fantastic for our family. I am almost never here, though, so post to...you know where if you want to find me, k? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 09:10 PM Flag
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I went to Aaron for three years. We are out now, I would not call it fantastic. Pluses and minuses. The biggest minus is the DOE has hired a whole team of lawyers to fight the lawsuits vigorously so you will not be reimbursed for quite a while. You will have to front the whole tuition and wait a year, perhaps two, to get reimbursed. If you get reimbursed at all. People are losing these cases. I would go to a funded private school or a public school, unless you are wealthy, in which case a lot of the stress of Aaron will not affect you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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I think it's probably not very helpful to tell OP to head to an approved private. We would all rather be at approved privates but they are hopelessly full at this point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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Shouldn't she have all the facts about Aaron? As in, she might have a tough fight ahead to get reimbursed? It's not as straightforward as it was 5, 4, even 3 years ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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I don't disagree, although I would say that that has less to do with Aaron itself than the DOE's policy towards unapproved schools in general, so I don't think it's "all the facts about Aaron" as "all the facts about nonapproved privates" and her lawyer will definitely be able to fill her in. From what I understand, the parents have always been a year and a half in front of the DOE and that will never not be the case, so OP would have to have the cash flow to support that. OP would need a strong case, for sure, and would need to follow her lawyer's advice carefully. The families I know who have lost are those who made mistakes in their cases and disregarded lawyers' advice. I think if OP has a carefully documented case, neuropsych report supports an SN private, her lawyer agrees that things are strong, tells her what to do and she heeds it, she should be in good shape. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 08:46 AM Flag
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OP: Thanks for all the kind responses. We don't have any choices at this point. BOE`has not offered a placement yet but I can't imagine it being appropriate for his needs (12:1). I guess we'll have to try it out this year, get all the testing done privately and try to pay for it at least for this year and reapply to funded schools next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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I know a family with 2 kids at Aaron who are fighting with DOE, but kids and parents both LOVE the school and think it has made a tremendous difference for the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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how about The Ideal School? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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I hear pretty good things about IDEAL, but an integrated setting is not for everyone, and OP will have the same fight on her hands with the DOE. Definitely worth a call/tour though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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absolutely look into the IDEAL school of Manhattan. It's an inclusion environment and is incredible. Roughly 80% typically developing children/20% children receiving related services across a specific special needs spectrum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.23.08, 11:34 PM Flag
[ - ] I may have to travel with a newborn to France and six weeks, is this ok? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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sure, how many weeks old will db be? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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why wouldn't it be okay? you know they have newborns in france, too, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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7+ hours on an airplane isn't the best place in the world for a newborn, but assuming you can get a passport that quickly it's not a big deal - DB will probably sleep for most of the flight anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:47 PM Flag
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are you nursing? this will make things much much easier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 02:06 PM Flag
[ - ] What diaper bag can you use with the Phil & Ted vibe stroller when you have it set up for 2? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.22.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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I have never used a diaper bag. I have a P&T with doubles kit. I hang a purse with a long strap over the handle and carry a changing roll in the basket under the stroller. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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It is king of a problem as any diaper bag hits baby number 2. Get the side saddle bags that P&T sells. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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only the most fashionable and most expensive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:45 PM Flag
[ - ] Young energetic college educated woman seeks nanny position.2007 Hunter College graduate (English major) seeks long-term nanny position. Have extensive experience. References available - Available two weeks after offer 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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may I ask why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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she's writing a book [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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NP: Pays better than being an editorial assistant. AND because she's writing a book. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:34 PM Flag
[ - ] what sorts of talking were your kids doing at 12 1/2 months? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 06.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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we were discussing the front page of the NYT every day -- she was reading it too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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come off of it. just looking for some help here... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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What's your concern? My ds had, relatively, a lot of words (although I don't remember what a lot is for 13 mos, sorry), and a friend of his didn't really talk till he was 18 mos. By three there was no difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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just wondering what he should have at this age. def babbles and sometimes says car but that is about it...says dadada, but i think it is just the syllable and not actually saying 'dada' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:37 PM Flag
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About 3 words, dada, mama and happy. Now 2yo and talks non stop [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.22.08, 01:28 PM Flag
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