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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Does everyone parent the same way these days? It seems we all let our dcs, especially our dds, control much more of what goes on in the house than our parents ever did. Sorry but I am beginning to long for the days my mother spent as a parent living with much more control which translates to much more freedom and time. EXHAUSTED trying to entertain every minute, changing lunch menu plans to accommodate dcs wants, just exhausted. Pffft. 37 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Preschool/Kids 07.06.08, 03:35 AM Flag
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I hear you, but my mother was just flat out mean. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:51 AM Flag
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Was she mean or did she treat you like a child. I treat my dcs as children, they don't decide whats for lunch, we do not engage in fifty costume or clothing changes a day, when they pick an activity that is their activity for he next hour and I do not run them all over town trying to keep them occupied. If I did they would never learn to occupy themselves [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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I'm old school. I have 2 dds (and am pg again) and don't let my dc run the house. My older dd is 8 and the younger is 4yr. I allow more freedom than my mom did (they get to go on playdates, afterschool classes,ect) but I do demand respect in the home. When my older dd tells me she doesn't want what I made for dinner, I tell her this isn't a restaurant and remind her how lucky we are to have food to eat. If she gets nasty, I deal with it asap..I'm the parent, she's a dc. When it comes to choosing things like what to wear, what to watch, ect..they have lots of freedom with that but since there are 2 of them, chosing a movie to watch has to be agreed on by both. If one dd wants to see one movie, we agree that the next movie is her sis's pic, ect. You need to put your foot down with dd. options are nice to give them but don't give them control [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:57 AM Flag
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^^^I give respect and expect them to do the same. I know too many ppl who want to be their small dc friend and in turn give up control to the dc. GL and I hope you find a good answer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:59 AM Flag
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We sound like we parent the same way. Friends think I am too restrictive but then they are running around doing every task their dcs request from morning till dusk. Can't help but feel we are raising a generation of entitled dcs who have every whim catered to and who will have no stamina or attention span. Not one parent friend of mine every says [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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^^ ever says NO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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Everyone is doing it wrong but you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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uhoh is that snarky? I was just saying I don't get it and sometimes feel like the bad mommy among all of these mommies who want to be their dcs best friend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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It's not about being dc's friend; it's about parenting style. Theirs is different than yours. They're doing what feels right to them. You keep doing what feels right to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:10 AM Flag
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NP: OP does have a point though, the trend now is to parent in a certain way. I think the industry o having babies, the 'mommy industry' all of these things we never had and items to buy our mothers were not pressed to buy for us has changed parenting style and made being a mommy an extension of being a consumer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:13 AM Flag
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or: that's not what she's saying. PPL just parent differently. She parents old school like I parent. I think parenting is so individual and you do what works for your family. This style works for me (and for this other mom)..that's why we do it. I'm sure if it wasnt' working we would have tried something different...but why fix what's not broken [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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or: yes I have friends also who never say "no" just to not hear the whining and bitching from their kids. Then they vent and say how can I control the situation. I tell them you need to say no..the kids will bitch and moan but will deal with your decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:15 AM Flag
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I tried to be that mom when dc was 1 to 2 but I soon saw that they had tantrums no matter how liberal I was with them. They will push to feel out boundaries and even if you give few boundaries they want more freedom so now I am more strict and deal with the tantrums earlier rather than later. Question, how do YOU deal with the tantrums. I hold them and then eventually if it continues put them in their room and say they can come out when they are more calm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:19 AM Flag
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when my dds have had tantrums, I try to talk to them but since they don't listen I walk away. If they follow me with the yelling, I get down on my knees and tell them I know they are upset but I will talk to them when they can talk to me. When they are ready to talk it out, I'm there. They will huff and puff to the room but in a few moments yell out mommy I'm ready to talk. The talk on their bed goes well. I never fault them for their feeling but do tell them why I said no or why I'm upset..ect. I'm big into talking but they know if they want to talk they cannot yell..if not I walk away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:24 AM Flag
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this sounds better than what I do, think I will try it out thank you very much! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:32 AM Flag
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you're welcome [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:34 AM Flag
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or: yes like I said I'm old school and in turn am raising really well behaved dds. I'm not as strict as my mom was but I took what made sense from her parenting and added my own twist to it. It works for us. DH and I are on the same page. Parents constantly tell me how well behaved and great manners my dds have. My kids do way more than I did as a kid (we never went out or god forbid a playdate) but I do believe the kids need to respect each other, respect adults and respect themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:14 AM Flag
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Tend to agree with this. Have a friend who is just wonderful very well liked, thoughtful of others, gets along well with everyone is a joy to have at parties etc. her dd is in charge of the house. When you ask my friend why she allows a 3 yr old to determine clothes, food plans, activity of the day etc. she says that her mother never let her feel very in charge and was always restricting her to some degree. You can't help but think that because her mother was strict she turned out so well and that her dd is a real problem already [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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or: yes apparently her mom did something right if she's so damn nice and respectful and ppl love being around her. Like I said above my mom was very strict BUT I did realize at an early age (in my teens) that she was right in many aspects. Her strict hand taught me to use my brain, be an individual and not to follow others just because it's the cool thing. Her way made me think twice when iffy situations came about. Also my dad was a NYC cop..so I was also raised to be street smart and shown what stupid decisions can do to you. I do appreciate the lessons I was raised with and pass them down. I just hope my kids will "get" what we are showing them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:21 AM Flag
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I do too and I agree with you. I understand that everyone is different and will parents differently and that is fine but it is nice to hear someone else feel the way I do. Sounds like you had a great upbringing! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:23 AM Flag
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Are you religious? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:26 AM Flag
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or: I was raised catholic (nuns wearing habits in school) but I'm far from the catholic that goes to church every sunday. I did learn a lot from the nuns (patience, empathy for all, ect). I think that with the lessons from my home and from the nuns, I was able to get a good handle on how I wanted to treat ppl and in turn have them (hopefully) treat me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:29 AM Flag
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^^How about you? Religious? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:29 AM Flag
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No we were not religious at all. Parents had lived in v. strict catholic homes and wanted us to have more freedom of thought and choice but this did not translate of course to our being treated as anything but children who needed to respect them and the house. Religion can certainly be an important part though which I can see! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:32 AM Flag
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yes it can be to limit. I mean I'm hardly the good catholic girl that the pope would be proud of (I'm pro choice, lived with my dh before marriage, am pro gay marriage, ect). I think I practice how I feel is right for me. I remember once a nun told me you don't have to come to church to value or visit god..he's always in your heart. That stayed with me (I'm 40) so I don't feel bad when I don't go to church. I do show my kids that we should appreciate what we have. We aren't rich, don't have a lot but we have our lives, family, home and food..most importantly we are together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:36 AM Flag
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Hear you, I feel the same way. God doesn't feature highly for us or, church doesn't, but I think you can teach the important lessons learned there at home. Keeping our dcs grounded us an issue for us because financially they are surrounded by parents who can afford and do spoil. Girls with trunks of costumes, boys with the latest of everything. They think we are unfair because we are not big believers in the buying of stuff but hopefully when they are older they will get why we did it. GL! and very nice speaking this morning [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:43 AM Flag
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Ditto here. My kids go to a NYC private (we aren't rich and get FA) so it is extremely important for us to keep out kids grounded (even if they weren't in a private school). Thank god so far so good. DD isn't into value of things or labels neither are her friends (so far). It's been a pleasure speaking to you! Have a great day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:45 AM Flag
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We are in the same boat. They are at my and dh's schools don't worry this board likes to inflate the significance of $$ and labels in the privates as a bitter whip because they have hard feelings for one reason or another. It never gets really bad. There may be one or two dcs in the class who care about labels but the schools really do a great job in curbing it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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itta..our school is exactly like that. Very down to earth and instill value on community rather than on "things". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:52 AM Flag
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Bet we are at the same school :-) GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:02 AM Flag
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maybe! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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thanks..you too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:26 AM Flag
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We parents very traditionally, but we are a dying breed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:08 AM Flag
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I parent in the old fashioned way. I am rare in my circle of friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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Don't do it. I don't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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I'm virtually certain that for my parents, "parent" was not a verb. They raised us, took care of us, etc., but there wasn't quite as much soul searching and drama associated with it all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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can we be friends? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 11:08 AM Flag
[ - ] Any places to stay in Hope, NJ? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.05.08, 09:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Man I hate Zipcar. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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ditto. i had SUCH a negative experience with them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:10 PM Flag
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Sorry to hear that. Care to give us some details? My and DW's experiences with ZipCar have been exceptional. Couldn't get a car at the last moment to go away for the 4th in manhattan so I had to trek to the Bronx. NBD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 12:42 AM Flag
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LOVED zipcar and used them for about 2 years. had a few bad experiences, though -- car that was reserved suddenly not available when we went to pick it up (happened 3 times, had to cancel plans), cars not maintained well. we bought a car now that db is on the way but zipcar was a very good interim plan. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I am with you. HATE them. Actually, they were great before they caught on with the masses. Once that happened I found that other members were inconsiderate and I got screwed many times. The last time was the day of my father's funeral. The #$%$#^$ who had the car before us never returned it and zipcar kept calling them and they kept saying they were on their way to the lot and they never showed. I was over an hour late for my dad's funeral. unforgivable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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Wow--that's pretty awful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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yes - it truly sucked. it added much more anxiety and stress to a day that was already awful. and zipcar helped us find a car, but we had to trek into the city, and there were numerous calls back and forth. the same thing happened at the same exact lot on fathers day. it's easy to blame zipcar but it's usually the fault of the jerkoff who had the car before you. we live in the 'burbs now but if we had stayed in b'lyn we would have just bought a car. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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We live in Brooklyn and have had okay experiences with ZipCar, but we never use the more popular locations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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the bad experiences I had were at the lot near concorde village. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 08:35 AM Flag
[ - ] Planning a trip to Land Of Make Believe in Hope, NJ. Any suggestions on hwere to stay? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.05.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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There isn't much out there....it's really more of a day trip. I'd just google 'hope new jersey hotels'....LOMB is sort of in the middle of nowhere...like when you go apple picking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 10:37 AM Flag
[ - ] what's the best, safest method to whiten teeth? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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anybody out there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:09 PM Flag
[ - ] My 3 year old potty trained herself within the last 2 weeks. I didn't really do that much, she just did it. We gave her ice cream to celebrate the first poo-poos and now a few toys from the dollar store. Do you think it is wrong to bribe a kid? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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i don't think it's wrong to bribe, but you shouldn't use food as a bribe, ever. it's just a bad habit to start. sweets shouldn't be used as incentive- sends the wrong message [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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I would break the habit now. I don't think they should be given contant treats for going to the bathroom. My friend made this mistake and her son demanded a new toy when he went. He would throw a tantrum until she gave in. I gave my dd M & M 's the very first day..after that I just praised her, danced with excitement and when she asked for her candy..I said oh no you get that the very first day..but now I'm just so proud of you. She was ok with that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:59 AM Flag
[ - ] My 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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Your [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:04 PM Flag
[ - ] My BIL used our air mattress last week and DH asked BIL to please use a sheet on it. BIL refused. Luckily we had a mattress cover that is washable, still the whole thing needs to be Febreezed to get out that sweaty smell to it. Don't you think that is rude, not to use a bed sheet? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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who cares? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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Because the air mattress is ours and cost us $100 and we do have to use it sometimes ourselves. So yes, I do care about it getting stinky! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:04 PM Flag
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you are boring. your post is boring. no one cares about your air mattress or your smelly bil. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Hello? Anybody home? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:52 PM Flag
[ - ] My MIL wanted to visit us in June. I kept telling her it was a bad time to come and she needed to pay for a hotel room because we are moving in 3 weeks. She ended up taking or breaking 3 of my soup bowls. WTF? When she is mad at me, she steals things from the household. This time, at least my DH saw that she stole or broke. He says he won't do anything now but anything else that turns up gone, she will be held accountable. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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is she crazy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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I think when she is mad at me, i.e when I say no to her, she in turn steals things from our home. She hinted for another visit in September but DH and I are done with making plans way ahead of time, so she get P***ed off but not at him, only at me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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what the fuck? you and your MIL are insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:54 PM Flag
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how do you know she stole the soup bowls? they were in her suitcase on her way out the door? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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My retarded SIL could have broken them, they were in house alone for awhile last Saturday a.m. I think MIL scouts our house for things to donate for her church's yard sale, if that makes any sense to you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:57 PM Flag
[ - ] My mom is a lovely woman BUT horrible parent. She has not made ANY summer plans for my 12 YO sis, can anyone recc any program in Bklyn where she can enroll and do something constructive for the summer? Free or very low cost since they have no money. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.05.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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Lol, she might be a terrible parent, but this doesn't make her one. There was a time when no one made "summer plans" for their kids. We hung out with our friends, spent a lot of time outside. The only thing that keeps that from happening now is that everyone else is making summer plans for their kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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^^^not to mention that "free or low cost" is virtually impossible to find in NYC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:50 PM Flag
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Trust me this is not the only reason why i say this. Sis is constantly gettting suspended, she's crying out for help and my mom "didn't have a chance to return a call to schedule counseling" this is after I did the research and give her the numbers to the facilities in bklyn. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:02 PM Flag
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not at all - my daughter is doing a one month DOE sponsored photography camp for free; a week of theater camp at the NY Public Theater - for free and a week of Rock Camp - which is a donation - I paid but could have been free ... Unfortunately - I signed up for all of these things months ago and that's the problem with finding something now.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:34 AM Flag
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NP. Wow, my kids are younger but you are amazing! Are there income requirements for these? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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no - actually - not the photog. program or the theater camp; the rock camp yes - but we paid; I'm tuned in to events and run a yahoo board for parentsofnyteens [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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Dodge YMCA on Atlantic Avenue has good summer programs for not much money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 09:34 PM Flag
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WTF? My mom never made any "plans" for me for the summer! I played with friends and we went to movies, beach, parks, etc. Why does every kid need a formal summer plan now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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I'm sorry, but it's nice for a kid to have plans, but necessary ? A 12 year old should be able to "hang". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:31 AM Flag
[ - ] NYC suburbs that you know of with excellent services for autistic children? Moving out of Queens + need help. Thanks. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Special Needs 07.05.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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Ardsley (Westchester) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:27 PM Flag
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Avoid Nassau county. The inclusion model is failing miserably there. The second teacher in the classroom to assist with the special needs children often doesn't have special education certifications. SN children find themselves with two teachers, neither of whom have access to the IEP, and neither of whom are trained in Special Ed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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