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07.06.08, 03:35 AM Preschool/Kids
37 replies
Does everyone parent the same way these days? It seems we all let our dcs, especially our dds, control much more of what goes on in the house than our parents ever did. Sorry but I am beginning to long for the days my mother spent as a parent living with much more control which translates to much more freedom and time. EXHAUSTED trying to entertain every minute, changing lunch menu plans to accommodate dcs wants, just exhausted. Pffft. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Preschool/Kids 07.06.08, 03:35 AM Flag
 

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I hear you, but my mother was just flat out mean. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:51 AM Flag
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Was she mean or did she treat you like a child. I treat my dcs as children, they don't decide whats for lunch, we do not engage in fifty costume or clothing changes a day, when they pick an activity that is their activity for he next hour and I do not run them all over town trying to keep them occupied. If I did they would never learn to occupy themselves [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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I'm old school. I have 2 dds (and am pg again) and don't let my dc run the house. My older dd is 8 and the younger is 4yr. I allow more freedom than my mom did (they get to go on playdates, afterschool classes,ect) but I do demand respect in the home. When my older dd tells me she doesn't want what I made for dinner, I tell her this isn't a restaurant and remind her how lucky we are to have food to eat. If she gets nasty, I deal with it asap..I'm the parent, she's a dc. When it comes to choosing things like what to wear, what to watch, ect..they have lots of freedom with that but since there are 2 of them, chosing a movie to watch has to be agreed on by both. If one dd wants to see one movie, we agree that the next movie is her sis's pic, ect. You need to put your foot down with dd. options are nice to give them but don't give them control [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:57 AM Flag
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^^^I give respect and expect them to do the same. I know too many ppl who want to be their small dc friend and in turn give up control to the dc. GL and I hope you find a good answer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 03:59 AM Flag
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We sound like we parent the same way. Friends think I am too restrictive but then they are running around doing every task their dcs request from morning till dusk. Can't help but feel we are raising a generation of entitled dcs who have every whim catered to and who will have no stamina or attention span. Not one parent friend of mine every says [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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^^ ever says NO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:03 AM Flag
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Everyone is doing it wrong but you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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uhoh is that snarky? I was just saying I don't get it and sometimes feel like the bad mommy among all of these mommies who want to be their dcs best friend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:06 AM Flag
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It's not about being dc's friend; it's about parenting style. Theirs is different than yours. They're doing what feels right to them. You keep doing what feels right to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:10 AM Flag
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NP: OP does have a point though, the trend now is to parent in a certain way. I think the industry o having babies, the 'mommy industry' all of these things we never had and items to buy our mothers were not pressed to buy for us has changed parenting style and made being a mommy an extension of being a consumer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:13 AM Flag
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or: that's not what she's saying. PPL just parent differently. She parents old school like I parent. I think parenting is so individual and you do what works for your family. This style works for me (and for this other mom)..that's why we do it. I'm sure if it wasnt' working we would have tried something different...but why fix what's not broken [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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or: yes I have friends also who never say "no" just to not hear the whining and bitching from their kids. Then they vent and say how can I control the situation. I tell them you need to say no..the kids will bitch and moan but will deal with your decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:15 AM Flag
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I tried to be that mom when dc was 1 to 2 but I soon saw that they had tantrums no matter how liberal I was with them. They will push to feel out boundaries and even if you give few boundaries they want more freedom so now I am more strict and deal with the tantrums earlier rather than later. Question, how do YOU deal with the tantrums. I hold them and then eventually if it continues put them in their room and say they can come out when they are more calm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:19 AM Flag
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when my dds have had tantrums, I try to talk to them but since they don't listen I walk away. If they follow me with the yelling, I get down on my knees and tell them I know they are upset but I will talk to them when they can talk to me. When they are ready to talk it out, I'm there. They will huff and puff to the room but in a few moments yell out mommy I'm ready to talk. The talk on their bed goes well. I never fault them for their feeling but do tell them why I said no or why I'm upset..ect. I'm big into talking but they know if they want to talk they cannot yell..if not I walk away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:24 AM Flag
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this sounds better than what I do, think I will try it out thank you very much! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:32 AM Flag
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you're welcome [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:34 AM Flag
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or: yes like I said I'm old school and in turn am raising really well behaved dds. I'm not as strict as my mom was but I took what made sense from her parenting and added my own twist to it. It works for us. DH and I are on the same page. Parents constantly tell me how well behaved and great manners my dds have. My kids do way more than I did as a kid (we never went out or god forbid a playdate) but I do believe the kids need to respect each other, respect adults and respect themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:14 AM Flag
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Tend to agree with this. Have a friend who is just wonderful very well liked, thoughtful of others, gets along well with everyone is a joy to have at parties etc. her dd is in charge of the house. When you ask my friend why she allows a 3 yr old to determine clothes, food plans, activity of the day etc. she says that her mother never let her feel very in charge and was always restricting her to some degree. You can't help but think that because her mother was strict she turned out so well and that her dd is a real problem already [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:17 AM Flag
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or: yes apparently her mom did something right if she's so damn nice and respectful and ppl love being around her. Like I said above my mom was very strict BUT I did realize at an early age (in my teens) that she was right in many aspects. Her strict hand taught me to use my brain, be an individual and not to follow others just because it's the cool thing. Her way made me think twice when iffy situations came about. Also my dad was a NYC cop..so I was also raised to be street smart and shown what stupid decisions can do to you. I do appreciate the lessons I was raised with and pass them down. I just hope my kids will "get" what we are showing them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:21 AM Flag
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I do too and I agree with you. I understand that everyone is different and will parents differently and that is fine but it is nice to hear someone else feel the way I do. Sounds like you had a great upbringing! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:23 AM Flag
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Are you religious? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:26 AM Flag
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or: I was raised catholic (nuns wearing habits in school) but I'm far from the catholic that goes to church every sunday. I did learn a lot from the nuns (patience, empathy for all, ect). I think that with the lessons from my home and from the nuns, I was able to get a good handle on how I wanted to treat ppl and in turn have them (hopefully) treat me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:29 AM Flag
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^^How about you? Religious? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:29 AM Flag
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No we were not religious at all. Parents had lived in v. strict catholic homes and wanted us to have more freedom of thought and choice but this did not translate of course to our being treated as anything but children who needed to respect them and the house. Religion can certainly be an important part though which I can see! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:32 AM Flag
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yes it can be to limit. I mean I'm hardly the good catholic girl that the pope would be proud of (I'm pro choice, lived with my dh before marriage, am pro gay marriage, ect). I think I practice how I feel is right for me. I remember once a nun told me you don't have to come to church to value or visit god..he's always in your heart. That stayed with me (I'm 40) so I don't feel bad when I don't go to church. I do show my kids that we should appreciate what we have. We aren't rich, don't have a lot but we have our lives, family, home and food..most importantly we are together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:36 AM Flag
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Hear you, I feel the same way. God doesn't feature highly for us or, church doesn't, but I think you can teach the important lessons learned there at home. Keeping our dcs grounded us an issue for us because financially they are surrounded by parents who can afford and do spoil. Girls with trunks of costumes, boys with the latest of everything. They think we are unfair because we are not big believers in the buying of stuff but hopefully when they are older they will get why we did it. GL! and very nice speaking this morning [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:43 AM Flag
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Ditto here. My kids go to a NYC private (we aren't rich and get FA) so it is extremely important for us to keep out kids grounded (even if they weren't in a private school). Thank god so far so good. DD isn't into value of things or labels neither are her friends (so far). It's been a pleasure speaking to you! Have a great day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:45 AM Flag
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We are in the same boat. They are at my and dh's schools don't worry this board likes to inflate the significance of $$ and labels in the privates as a bitter whip because they have hard feelings for one reason or another. It never gets really bad. There may be one or two dcs in the class who care about labels but the schools really do a great job in curbing it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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itta..our school is exactly like that. Very down to earth and instill value on community rather than on "things". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:52 AM Flag
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Bet we are at the same school :-) GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:02 AM Flag
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maybe! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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thanks..you too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:26 AM Flag
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We parents very traditionally, but we are a dying breed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:08 AM Flag
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I parent in the old fashioned way. I am rare in my circle of friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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Don't do it. I don't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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I'm virtually certain that for my parents, "parent" was not a verb. They raised us, took care of us, etc., but there wasn't quite as much soul searching and drama associated with it all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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can we be friends? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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