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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] question - dd is almost 11 weeks old; she smiles but does not make a lot of noises. ped said she expects dcs at this age to make more sounds. am worried that something might be wrong but i also know each dc develops differently. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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Try not to worry. Its a useless emotion. It just zaps you of energy that could be used for other things. Worrying does nothing. Use your time better. If you are the type, go to the library and get some books on development, observe other babies, talk to other moms. Or, just hang out for a while and tell yourself that you will deal with this again on August 1st and enjoy the month. good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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And, just talk talk talk to her all day. Just say, hello sweetheart, come see mommmy. Ok, let's change your diaper, first we take it off, then we tickle your belly, etc You get the point. Talk talk talk talk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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she may be an observant baby - at 11 wks - more noises? like what? she may be content. try speaking to her more so she follows what you are doing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:10 AM Flag
[ - ] are there men who might purposefully try to knock their girlfriends confidence? if so i may be with one. i think he thrives on making me feel insecure because he himself is insecure. is that possible? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.07.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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DUH! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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it is aform of abuse [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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Totally. And I'd say get out now. Even if he's great otherwise. It won't take long before you're believing whatever it is he's saying about you to knock you down. BTDT. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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bu bye [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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i think many men try to do that - maybe subconsciously - because they can't deal with powerful women...expect women to be submissive...if you think this is true it probably is and is not healthy for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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he has told me on many occassions that he is impressed with my self confidence, etc and it is known that he doesn't feel comfortable socially, etc. however, lately i think he gets pleasure by saying things, or making me feel insecure. its very subtle but i feel it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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np: remember no one could make you feel insecure..only you..so if you feel bad with what he says, run and try to figure out why words from someone made you feel down [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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I think "many men" is a gross exageration. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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Run, don't walk, away from this relationship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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RUN from a man like this. This kind of treatment is verbal abuse..it starts out small and grows. This is not only a trait of a insecure man but of a controlling man. BTDT..RUN [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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so sorry. i do that to my own dh. i hate myself for it, but it's uncontrollable. i've been working it through it our entire relationship. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:08 AM Flag
[ - ] would you tell your nanny that her last day is in a month, and if she doesn't flake you will give her a month severance. Or would you not tell her and then give her a month severance to cover yourself? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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I would tell, if you think that she's trustworthy. A month's severance would be a lot to give up to bag early. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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But if she starts looking for another job and the family says start right now I would be super duper screwed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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then go ahead and wait. 1 month severance is generous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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why are you firing her? do you work? how long has she worked for you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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She has worked with us since March 2007. She is kind of pt only 20hrs a week, afterschool pick up M-F, but we decided an au pair would be better for us. Cost the same and we don't have to worry about what to do when there are holidays, half days, sick days, etc. which is an issue for us now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:09 AM Flag
[ - ] 100K income; 3 kids; how much financial aid to expect for kindergarten? give me a ballpark # or %? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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0 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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we have 2 kids, 90k and get 80% but I have lots of student loans out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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90% [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:00 AM Flag
[ - ] how many weeks before kids bday party would you send out / give out invites? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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depends if its near any holidays. If no, I would send out three weeks in advance [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:51 AM Flag
[ - ] My dd is 8yr old..a really empathetic and well liked kid. We were at a BBQ yesterday at my friend's home. There were about 5-6 7yr olds that were all Queen B types. They all were playing in the pool and half of the Queen B clan picked on one of their own and my dd came her defense. She was standing up for this little girl by telling the others that teasing isn't nice and they should all play together as a group. Later on this Queen B that my dd stood up for turned and started to tease others..My dd asked me why is she teasing if she was so upset when the others were teasing. It doesn't make sense she said to me. What a nice moment to explain catiness (sp?) to her once again. Why can't girls just get along 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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oh for crying out loud. Why can't moms just let it go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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op: so you think it's ok for 7yr olds to be total bitches to each other? ALl that does is teach them it's ok to disrespect others [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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7 year old girls have been bitchy to each other since the beginning of time and they will be until the end of time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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doesn't mean it's right. I wasn't bitchy as a kid to anyone. Not my thing and this is how I raise my dds to treat others..as you want them to treat you. This is exactly why I only have a handful of female friends because ppl think it's ok to raise bratty, disrespectful kids who turn into nasty adults [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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ITA, like the responder we are replying too. what kind of attitude is that: "7 year old girls have been bitchy..." i wasn't bitchy at that age, and i am not now...except in a robin hood way, to call out people like bitchy responder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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np: Maybe not bitchy but you are a bit self satisfied both in your post and your subsequent responses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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i only posted once. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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So, you are claiming that you have never been mean or bitchy in your life but just can't resist calling another responder bitchy! HA! Good one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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i didn't claim i'm not bitchy--i stated the opposite, in fact, that i'm a robin hood bitch. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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ITA. See this as girls being girls. I have all boys and they have their own little ways of figuring out who is top dog. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:00 AM Flag
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agree, and it wasn't such a big deal to our parents because it happened when the children were out playing - they didn't observe and discuss every minute detail of our interactions with other children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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Bingo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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op: I can't stand this attitude..girls being girls? Boys being boys? Sounds like a giant excuse [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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no, it is REALITY. Kids are mean sometimes, that is the truth - even your really empathetic and well liked daughter will have her moments, sorry to say. It doesn't make it good, but it is reality [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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I agree with you - I supsect the responder above has posted before (wrote something almost identical) - its not worth discussing with someone who fails to see or acknowledge the big picture. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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Then just raise your child and be done with it. No problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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for what - every other parent on the planet not doing it your way or being as successful as you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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Be thankful your dd does not interact with these Queen B girls regularly - they are bullies and emotionally unhealthy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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I'm going to tell you the biggest reason why this behavior has increased and we see it younger and younger: DISNEY CHANNEL. Yes, parents think that Disney is appropriate for *all* ages, when, infact, most of the popuplar shoes (hanna, high school musical etc) that K girla re watching, I don't have my 9 yo watch. There are queen bees, and cliques and "stupid" parents and crushes, etc. Our kids just don't need to watch this stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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Suite Life is horrible too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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OR: all of those types of shows are just wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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This is bullying. Read Odd Girl Out - this is not healthy behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:35 PM Flag
[ - ] book mom, you here? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.07.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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I'm not book mom but I"m curious what this means. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:43 AM Flag
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There is a frequent poster here we call Book mom. She has similiar taste in books as I do - gives really nice recs. We had a conversation the other day and I wanted to tell her something funny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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My grammar is better than that, I promise (tee hee) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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What's the grammar problem? Other than the typo am I missing something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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I should have said we have similiar taste in books. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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LOL, similar [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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I was so busy looking at my own post for grammar problems (I am an editor and literary agent) that I didn't read yours. That's funny, just how focused I was. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:55 AM Flag
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oh that is TOO funny! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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What are some of her recs? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:49 AM Flag
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you should probably search "book mom". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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I'm here now, if you are..... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:21 AM Flag
[ - ] Give me your best book recommendations -- especially anything that's been around for a while that I have a shot at reserving at a library. Thanks! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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Give me an idea of what you like and I might have a suggestion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:37 AM Flag
[ - ] Really feeling down and want some company. Baby born stillborn last month at 29 weeks. Can't sell my house. 2 mortgages. DS has special needs and therapy's at a standstill. Can't anything go right for me??? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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I"m so incredbly sorry for your loss. I had two babies born at 20/21 weeks. It is horrific. It takes time to heal. I found some great message boards that delt with the loss of a baby - they helped me out at 3 am on a "bad baby night" as we came to call them. Hugs to you. I will think about you and your child all day today! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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What were those boards? Thanks for your thoughts. I just want to sit here and cry. But I'm at work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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oh - you poor dear. I don't think I have any of the links anymore, but I will check. I found some great ones on aol and then there was another set - paretning? I'm going to google and see what I come up with and post back. So put this on watch ok? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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Will do. I know the Catholic Church has a group, and they'v ebeen in touch with me through our priest, but looking for something more anon for now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:43 AM Flag
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oh yea, gotta have a place to trash dh that won't come back to haunt you :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:47 AM Flag
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yes, if you google loss of baby message board - you will find links. I hope you find a board that is supportive and helpful as I did. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It's a long tunnel, but you will come out of the other end eventually. Hugs to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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omg I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are feeling and I hope that things start looking up [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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Oh, I am so very sorry. What a terrible and recent loss. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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so sorry for you loss. check out missfoundation.org (I think that's the site) for support groups. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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np - OP I don't know if you are still watching this post or not but Missfoundation.org is a wonderful place. YOu will find tons of support there. They saved my life when I lost my son. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You can get through this but it's not easy. The forums on that board are wonderful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:25 AM Flag
[ - ] Slowly but surely all the "TT" schools are being trashed by people on UB. Horrace Mann, Brearley, Dalton, Spence and St. Ann so far. Can the others be far behind? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.07.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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Every single school gets trashed on UB at some point, such is life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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People hate what they cannot have [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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i can have it, i just don't want an exclusive for my dc. i want something more socio-economically diverse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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St Ann is not tt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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not only is SA tt it is tt of the tt. It is always ranked on any list and often in the top ten, has great acceptances to HPY and B, etc. No it is not in Manhattan, and no it is not uber-preppy (some might call it grungy) but it is tt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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While it might be top, it is not part of the traditional 7 tt. I personally don't care about those schools, vastly preferring the UB second tier, but even I know the list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:51 AM Flag
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Great. Best that you don't send your child there and make room for parents who know what they are doing and know what they are talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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You're a lovely person. Anyone ever tell you that? I'm not arguing SA quality. I'm merely pointing out what is on the traditional tt list and what is not, while explaining why I'm not vested in the argument. But you go on being right and nasty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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SA is a great school. But tt of tt is ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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I'd say SA is TT of Brooklyn... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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Or: This I would agree with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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not this again. SA was ranked top for college admissions, and they have one of the best programs in NYC. That makes it TT, no matter what "tradition" you want to go by [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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SA is a great school. The exmissions are affected by Stanley's absence, and they aren't "top" in college exmissions but historically they've been as good as the schools in the tt.It's the philosophy and lack of history that keeps it out of tt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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np. Really? What ranking was that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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It was in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago. It ranked #1 in college exmissions in the COUNTRY. I can't remember how they figured this out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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You're talking about the 2004 article. Looking at it right now. A lot of schools were excluded from that list because they didn't have enough graduates in 2003. They mention NBS, Brearley and Collegiate specifically and say C would have been #1 on the list if it hadn't been excluded. Not meant as a put down of St. A's. Sounds like their numbers were amazing. I can't see the actual list because I'm not a subscriber. The article is here: http://tinyurl.com/6nwf2k One thing I'm not clear about from the piece is if the schools' tuition was somehow a factor in the WSJ rankings? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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Out of curiosity, why would you go with the rankings of the older WSJ article and not the more recent one of last year? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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np. Because it's the one and only ranking that put St. Ann's at such a high spot on the list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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every school gets trashed here at some point, and there are posters who don't miss an opportunity to trash a particular school for whatever reason (personal issue with a teacher/administrator, kid didn't get in/sour grapes, kid counseled out...). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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Of course, a great school. But not in the 7 TT list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:17 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone live or currently living abroad with small children for a year or two? if so, tell me where and how it went/is going. considering europe 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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Sorry, this isn't super helpful because it's not my direct experience, but I have a friend living in England. She lives in Surrey. She likes it there, but she had been there for a while already. I would think having kids in school makes it easier to meet people? Where are you thinking of going? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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Check over at Apartment Therapy and do a search on France. There's an excellent profile of a family w/ school age kids doing a year long house exchange w/ a French family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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Yes - we live in Paris, moved here when ds was 7mos, now have a dd who is 1, and ds is 3.5. We love it - dh is half French and the kids are dual citizens too (and i can get my citizenship in one more year). Great expat community here, I actually have more friends than I did in NYC because of that, wonderful opportunities for the whole family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:45 AM Flag
[ - ] This board is so much more conservative than it used to be - or maybe it's more "new money" every man for himself attitudes. Every post seems to be so harsh. Logged on for the first time in months to do a search and I am amazed. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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lolol - was UB ever nice? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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np: not that I ever remember. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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i agree with this - i miss the old UB. i posted one day about something that would have been applauded on the old UB and i got flamed out of control - i was shocked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:59 AM Flag
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Me, too. I go back to the "Fondly, S" days. It's such a jungle here now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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The huge difference I've noticed is with the cool attitude of moms now. There used to be moms who wanted to change the system, fight for kids, etc. Now it seems their are so many moms calling others crazy and entitled. The attitude seems to be "be a good girl and don't ask or expect or shout". This scares me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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but so many are crazy. the fight the sytem mentality gets tired. it is also abused by so many looking for anything to scream about. I cannot support this approach any longer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Any moms on from Charlotte, NC? What do you like/dislike about it? Dh and I are thinking of moving there, but dh work in publishing and I'm not sure what sort of jobs there will be for him there. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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^^^dh works in publishing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:22 AM Flag
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I don't live there, but my brother lives there. lots of nice newish suburban homes for much less than similar would cost here...decent mall shopping (walmart, dean and deluca) Everything seems clean wholesome and homogeneous ) Religion, scrapbooking, cutesy flags seem very popular. If you like to stay at home with the kids, shop at abercrombie and believe in jesus you'll fit in just fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:30 AM Flag
[ - ] How long do (conservative) jews sit shiva? Any rules about where/how long? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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6 days, on the floor [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:23 AM Flag
[ - ] if alex mccord is such a francophile, how come she didn't send francois to PS 58, their zoned school? it has a bilingual french/english program, and lots of the students in the neighborhood/school have native french parents. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:10 AM Flag
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Probably because it is a new program and she is not zoned for PS 58 she is zoned for PS 29. No way to get your child into 29 unless you are zoned. I walked by her house last night and she has renters parked on the stoop making it look more trashy. Her house is easily the ugliest on the block. They really need to step up those renovations with all the alleged money they are making off the show. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 09:53 AM Flag
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