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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] where can i buy boules (petanque) in nyc? tia. 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 06.12.08, 06:23 AM Flag
[ - ] I TRULY believe that some children are more difficult to discipline than others. My dd is going to be 4 in August. She is STILL throwing tantrums at times. We are totally firm but she does not give up. My sister was so lenient with her kids and they never gave her this grief. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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ITA... I believe that they come who they are and you can try to help them be better at who they are or you can screw it up... I'm working really hard at doing the first, but I've got a pair of tough DS's... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:27 AM Flag
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Its true. I have 4 dcs & needless to say I do the same stuff w/all 4. Only one of them is actively tries to defy me. She just does it, none of the others ever did. Its tough but you've got to take the good w/the bad. She is the most volatile but consequently the sunniest, most delightful, most loving of all 4 when she is up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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I truly agree with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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i don't even think there's a question that you are right. although i will add that sometimes it's a question of figuring out what makes this child tick, rather than saying they are harder to discipline. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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good post [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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I gotta tell you, after my son was born and as I raised him and was strict but fair with him it was all I could do to not volunteer at the local Y to teach other parents how to raise their kids. It was obvious a book on parenting was in my near future. Then his brother came along. I'm still a good parent and they are both great kids... in their own ways. But had the birth order been reversed, I might not have stood on top of that high high horse to look down on you lesser parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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love it ! As a mom with two difficult dc, i always wish someone would say that... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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All joking aside, I have said for a while, we won the lottery with #1. He is just a great and easy kid. The trick with him is to not fuck up what we have. #2 makes you work for it. But as with so many other things in life, with that fire comes heat. That kid, at three, will melt your heart like #1 never could. It will be interesting to see the men they become. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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I am always amazed at how amazed I am that my kids are diff... like my sisters and I are the same ? nevertheless, they work me... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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it does make you wonder about that nature/nurture thing... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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lol. my dc#1 is a challenging child but i actually do really well with her. my dc#2 is more of a typical boy and i have a very hard time with him. i used to pat myself on the back about my parenting (and i still am happy with the job i'm doing) but i realize that i'm just better with a certain kind of kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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OR: I think the hard part is realizing that there are a lot of different ways to get to the finish line (a healthy, well adjusted, happy kid.) My route might work better for me and mine but it is not the only and maybe not even the best route. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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LOL! I always look at parents on only one dc & think "one day you too will get your comeuppenance!" All those things you thought were bec you were so good (dc eats vegs, dresses appropriately, doesn't bite) you will find out have nothing to do with you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:48 AM Flag
[ - ] for a small dining area in a corner of a large living room, would you do a round expandable table or square? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.12.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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can you do a smaller round that expands to an oval with leaves if you need it ? I think round is always more inviting... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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round [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:31 AM Flag
[ - ] commute with dh on some days, and without fail it is always the same, I spend the whole ride ruminating in my head of all of the ways he has been a poor partner for the last 12 years, and then I get into a whole mood and can't look at him, and literally daydream about divorcing him. this is terrible. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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so stop thinking about the ways he is a bad partner and think about the good things he does. You are making this happen. If you want a divorce, then do it. If you want your marriage to work, you need to change your focus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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Only when you are together on the commute - what prompts this toxic dynamic? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:27 AM Flag
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who do you daydream about divorcing him ? what's so awful ? is it irredeamable ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:28 AM Flag
[ - ] Need help from dog lovers! HOW on earth do you put on these harness collars??? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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harness or collar? harness goes on the body. it slips over the neck and you put the paws through the holes, and snap the buckle together on the side. a collar just goes around the neck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:44 AM Flag
[ - ] darn. it's happening again. i can't reply to posts. i guess i'll try again a different day. the conversion to the new site didn't bother me. but this might be what finally breaks my UB habit. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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happening to me too, but not on all responses... see, I'm responding to you, but couldn't respond to one of the "parenting" posts above... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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weird. you're right it seems to happen to some posts and not others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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if i were a conspiracy theorist i could really make myself nuts about the "why"... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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i was going to lol at your post (conspiracy theory post) but i can't reply to it! (can you try replying? i'm curious if it's me or it's the post). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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can you reply to this post ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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nope, i can't reply to the lol post. maybe it has something to do with whether it's the original post, a response to that post vs a response to a response. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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tricky.... things that make you go "hmmmm" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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yeah. but it's so convoluted i can't even figure out what conspiracy it could be :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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conspiracies and convoluted go hand in hand... i'm sure it involves an axis of some sort (maybe not evil, but maybe an axis of nastiness), someone like a moderator, and a poor guy called in to work on this site [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
[ - ] when you think back to your childhood, do you think your parents were good at "parenting" ? 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:01 AM Flag
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Ha! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:01 AM Flag
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why "ha" ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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not perfect but yes. very happy childhood. I miss it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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yes. i think they were lucky but they were also good at it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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do you think at all that our road is harder now ? kids see more demand more, are exposed to more, all that ? I feel like my parents were good at what they did... we're all fine and healthy and love them... but I don't think they had to try as hard... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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that's an interesting question. i don't think they had it much easier. i think certain things were easier. but other things were harder. (mostly b/c i outsource a lot of stuff my mother used to do). i think kids today *are* exposed to a lot but back then, we were exposed to what was considered a lot, so it was the same danger, kwim? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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I think i know, but I am erally struggling sometimes with the ability to get that ease of parenting thing... some relaxation that I think my parents had with it...I know it's never effortless, but I feel I am always coming up against something be it time constraints or influences I wish they didn't have or just the expectations of myself put on by others... I don't think my parents thought about that... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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i think that's a big thing...the time issue. i think we feel an obligation to have one-on-one time, we worry about cheating our kids out of our attention, etc. I don't remember my parents doing stuff like that. if the child wanted attention, they'd ask for it and they'd get it. but i don't think my parents knocked themselves out making individual times for dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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freind's dad always sadi "Life's not a parade !" meaning that fun wasn't going to walk down the street and present itself and we should find something to do... my kids can't seem to find something to occupy them and it's exhausting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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i'm kind of old fashioned that way. i've gotten flamed for it here but i don't play with dcs. i allow them a lot of flexibility. and i'm finding it pays off. they play a lot together, have good imaginations, etc. as they are getting older i'm getting more of the "i'm bored" stuff but i think it's a learned behavior rather than they are really bored. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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It was not until I had my daughter that I realized I was essentially unmothered. I can't understand how someone like my mother could be so detached & uninvolved when I see how I feel about my child. But up till then I thought she was fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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is you mom still alive ? does she notice or comment on any difference ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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I couldn't reply to you directly... happens to me sometimes here... i think you sound really secure and "good". I'm having a rough time right now and just overthinking maybe... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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What are you worried about? Kids being exposed to more? I think we just know more about the bad stuff that is out there like incest & pediphiles etc. so we worry more. But I prefer that to kids being in bad situations because no one would believe them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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I'm not worried about that... I worry about them always needing more... more stimulation, more toys, more time, more input... I worry that they are not getting more self-sufficient, yet I believe I am setting boundaries and trying to get them to greater and greater self-sufficiency... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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i'm the poster above who said she is "old fashioned". i really believe this is a societal pressure. flame away if you want but i think that what happened was you had all these highly educated career women who were giving up their jobs to become sahms and they needed to rationalize it. so they built up the idea that parenting kids is hard work and it requires special activities and special skills and special effort. So then you sit there at home with your kids and think "i should be doing something special, something work intensive, something educational". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:33 AM Flag
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I think you rock... i think you've read my mind... I love you... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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Or maybe some moms really like interacting w/their kids. I always loved momy & me classes bec it was like a wake up call to pay attention & enjoy this time focusing on dc. Can't do it 24/7 of course & that's why it is nice to have one on one time & then put one back burer while get on with daily grind of errands and "stuff that has to be done" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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not entirely. actually I am poster with wohm who worked really hard, and I have to say, she was VERY involved. Some might call her a helicopter mom, though I wouldn't because I really thrived from the attention. My point being, it doesn't take a sahm to be superbly involved or creative with their kids. Like sanctimommy, the term helicopter mom gets thrown about a bit too loosely, imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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that wasn't my point at all. my point wasn't about who is more involved or how hands-on a parent can be. it was the idea that being a sahm *requires* the parent to do something special. Sort of like being a preschool teacher but for your one child. I think that's what the OP is feeling...that she "should" be doing something above and beyond. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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OP... correct... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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Theres a diff bet "involved" & over-involved. Helicopter mom means mom who lives thru child & never gives them any space to learn to make own decisions, etc. Obv. your mom came home from being away all day & made you feel like you were her main focus & the light of her life which is wonderful. I'm talking about moms who spend their day gaming the ERBs & treating the PTA like high school cliques. Moms need to give kids space & confidence to make own decisions & trust in self [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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I definitely agree. I am reading Nation of Whimps currently and it talks to this point in ch. 1. the helo moms and the cell phones being and umbillical cord. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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Well, I don't think "helicopter" moms are good for kids. Make sure there are lots of books, art supplies, workbooks, puzzles, etc. & give them time to learn to entertain self. It helps if you start young with a basket of "special toys" they are only allowed to play w/while you are on the phone or working on a project (start w/ten minutes & gradually stretch it out). I will say it is so much easier to parent 2 or more kids over a singleton because then they entertain each other! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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mine antagonize each other... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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So what is better the helicopter mom or your mothers parenting style. Is there such thing as a happy medium. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Absolutely! My mom was/is the best, while my dad was less involved because he was the man and his job was to make money (even though my mother also worked.) I don't know how my mom did it without family around and such an uninvolved husband -- probably helped that she had just one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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I have a girlfeind with that typical mom at home dad at the office thing and she says that her mom put everyone to bed at 5:00... allthe kids... it was what her mom had to do to keep it together and the kids thought it was normal ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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Good god! What time would they wake up? That could not have lasted after they went to school - 2 hrs to get home, eat dinner, do homework, bath, etc.? Guess they had no sports or afterschool! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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this sports afterschool thing is a kind-of new invention... back then you walkd outside and played with your friends... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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Not knew here either, I am born raised So Cal and I was always in at least 2-3 activites. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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replying to sports being new - not really. I am 46 & I remember doing something afterschool almost everyday (choir, piano, ballet, school play). I grew up in Forest Hills & this was true for all my friends as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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I meant more that baseball three times a week and the traveling team or the soccer practice twice with games on Sat and Sun... I agree that there was ballet practice or piano, but the super scheduled sports of today I never ever heard about as a kid... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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ehh, don't know about that. I was never into sports as a kid & one of the reasons I am raising dcs here in NYC is just to avoid Sat morn sports & travel teams! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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That's the thing though, my mom worked outside of the home, then still had to shuttle me around, make dinner, look over my homework and still sometimes had her own work to do at night. My dad would help by picking me up from one of my activities, but then he'd come home and relax, while my mom's day continued. I'm a SAHM at the moment, but just from watching my mom, I think being WOHM is harder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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now you've opended up a whole new (and old) discussion ! sahm vs wohm... eek [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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me too... my mom was at atty and snuck home to be with us... i think she was torn too... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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That's the thing too, because today everyone has to work harder, but I think in some ways it's getting easier for working parents because at the least the concept of flex time/pt/ working form home is catching on more. Maybe by the time our kids are parents it will not be as big an issue. (SOmething else will be, I'm sure.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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i love this question. I am a Gen Y and I had the helo mom and dad who had me in every activity known to man, pushed for great grades, conferenced with teachers, let me say my dad was not the pusher as much as my mom. I love my mom, but give me a break it was a little much, my life was her social life it drove me nuts then and still does now. As soon as dd was born she and my dad moved to our town to be close to grandkids. Love her but I am approching parenthood very differentely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 11:08 AM Flag
[ - ] question about the school lottery issue: is this for all incoming students at zoned schools or just preK? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.12.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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There are 3 lotteries going on that I am aware of: certain District 3 schools, the District 1 schools, and to place the qualifiers for the citywide G&T schools (Anderson, NEST and TAG). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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There is also the lottery between PS. 3 & PS 41 in the village. HAs that happened yet? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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I don't know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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the district lotteries are not for your zoned school. They are for open spaces at either unzoned schools or zoned schools with extra space. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know a good place to buy a rug for a baby's room? On-line or in store (Manhattan only). TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.12.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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abc-some stuff can be pricy, so the basement of the store on bway has some good options too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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Pottery Barn Kids has nice ones. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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ABC Carpet and Home on B'way(18 st) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 10:49 AM Flag
[ - ] Is the children's morning concert and playground and shake shack worth travelling to from UWS to madison square park? have 4.6yo and 15mo. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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beatles today -can't wait. and it's nice out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:58 AM Flag
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generally yes, but only if the lawn is open. If it is closed, the concerts are a nightmare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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where would I get details on this? Gonna be in the neighborhood and this would be a really great break to an otherwise crappy day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:14 AM Flag
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they have something for kids every Tues and Thursday at 10:30. Google madison square park for the schedule. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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you rock. Thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
[ - ] Just had D&C for 3rd pregnancy loss in a row yesterday (2 m/c, 1 ectopic). Want to switch RE and go to Cornell. How long do you think they'll make me wait before proceeding with some form of treatment. Can't stand this anymore. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:45 AM Flag
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i don't know but i wish you luck. i recently had a miscarriage and it's so unbelievably hard to deal with. in some ways it has changed me more than having kids has changed me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:06 AM Flag
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So sorry, same thing happened to me. Unfotunately they will probably make you do lots of tests & you have to wait for results so no action for at least a couple of months. Investigate donor eggs at the same time as IVF just so you don't have to start from square one if that is where you end up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:09 AM Flag
[ - ] do you put a shirt on your 3 year old ds when he's in the sprinklers or do you take the shirt off and use lots of sunscreen? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 06.12.08, 05:37 AM Flag
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shirt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:42 AM Flag
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shirt on dd, but she is incredibly fair and I feel this gives better coverage [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:42 AM Flag
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i do an spf shirt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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He prefers to wear a shirt [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:02 AM Flag
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i usually leave an undershirt on with his bathing suit. for the girls bathing suits, i use just a bathing suit. i'm not sure if i do this out of an uncomfortableness with his being undressed or for skin coverage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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just a bathing suit! I mean, the kid is 3, he has to be modest at the plyaground? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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i think it has less to do with modesty and more to do with sun protection [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:31 AM Flag
[ - ] can you hire someone privately to give dc the erb , olsat, stanford binet and is it valid? will the doe accept it/ and the private schools? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.12.08, 05:33 AM Flag
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LOL, no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 05:35 AM Flag
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erb no, but stanford binet yes - as long as it's an accepted person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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Follow the Hunter instructions when you get them in the mail. If you try to do something before it could invalitade the score. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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To poster's comment below, it would be extremely hard to pull off any sort of gaming of the OLSAT this way. Hunter instructions tell you how little contact you are allowed to make with the person, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.12.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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