< Return to Talk
06.12.08, 06:01 AM General Topics
41 replies
when you think back to your childhood, do you think your parents were good at "parenting" ? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:01 AM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
Ha! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:01 AM Flag
»
why "ha" ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:03 AM Flag
»
not perfect but yes. very happy childhood. I miss it! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:03 AM Flag
»
yes. i think they were lucky but they were also good at it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:04 AM Flag
»
do you think at all that our road is harder now ? kids see more demand more, are exposed to more, all that ? I feel like my parents were good at what they did... we're all fine and healthy and love them... but I don't think they had to try as hard... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:08 AM Flag
»
that's an interesting question. i don't think they had it much easier. i think certain things were easier. but other things were harder. (mostly b/c i outsource a lot of stuff my mother used to do). i think kids today *are* exposed to a lot but back then, we were exposed to what was considered a lot, so it was the same danger, kwim? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:10 AM Flag
»
I think i know, but I am erally struggling sometimes with the ability to get that ease of parenting thing... some relaxation that I think my parents had with it...I know it's never effortless, but I feel I am always coming up against something be it time constraints or influences I wish they didn't have or just the expectations of myself put on by others... I don't think my parents thought about that... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:15 AM Flag
»
i think that's a big thing...the time issue. i think we feel an obligation to have one-on-one time, we worry about cheating our kids out of our attention, etc. I don't remember my parents doing stuff like that. if the child wanted attention, they'd ask for it and they'd get it. but i don't think my parents knocked themselves out making individual times for dc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:18 AM Flag
»
freind's dad always sadi "Life's not a parade !" meaning that fun wasn't going to walk down the street and present itself and we should find something to do... my kids can't seem to find something to occupy them and it's exhausting [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:20 AM Flag
»
i'm kind of old fashioned that way. i've gotten flamed for it here but i don't play with dcs. i allow them a lot of flexibility. and i'm finding it pays off. they play a lot together, have good imaginations, etc. as they are getting older i'm getting more of the "i'm bored" stuff but i think it's a learned behavior rather than they are really bored. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:22 AM Flag
»
It was not until I had my daughter that I realized I was essentially unmothered. I can't understand how someone like my mother could be so detached & uninvolved when I see how I feel about my child. But up till then I thought she was fine. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:07 AM Flag
»
is you mom still alive ? does she notice or comment on any difference ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:09 AM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:12 AM Flag
»
I couldn't reply to you directly... happens to me sometimes here... i think you sound really secure and "good". I'm having a rough time right now and just overthinking maybe... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:16 AM Flag
»
What are you worried about? Kids being exposed to more? I think we just know more about the bad stuff that is out there like incest & pediphiles etc. so we worry more. But I prefer that to kids being in bad situations because no one would believe them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:20 AM Flag
»
I'm not worried about that... I worry about them always needing more... more stimulation, more toys, more time, more input... I worry that they are not getting more self-sufficient, yet I believe I am setting boundaries and trying to get them to greater and greater self-sufficiency... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:23 AM Flag
»
i'm the poster above who said she is "old fashioned". i really believe this is a societal pressure. flame away if you want but i think that what happened was you had all these highly educated career women who were giving up their jobs to become sahms and they needed to rationalize it. so they built up the idea that parenting kids is hard work and it requires special activities and special skills and special effort. So then you sit there at home with your kids and think "i should be doing something special, something work intensive, something educational". [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:33 AM Flag
»
I think you rock... i think you've read my mind... I love you... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:34 AM Flag
»
Or maybe some moms really like interacting w/their kids. I always loved momy & me classes bec it was like a wake up call to pay attention & enjoy this time focusing on dc. Can't do it 24/7 of course & that's why it is nice to have one on one time & then put one back burer while get on with daily grind of errands and "stuff that has to be done" [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:45 AM Flag
»
not entirely. actually I am poster with wohm who worked really hard, and I have to say, she was VERY involved. Some might call her a helicopter mom, though I wouldn't because I really thrived from the attention. My point being, it doesn't take a sahm to be superbly involved or creative with their kids. Like sanctimommy, the term helicopter mom gets thrown about a bit too loosely, imo. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:46 AM Flag
»
that wasn't my point at all. my point wasn't about who is more involved or how hands-on a parent can be. it was the idea that being a sahm *requires* the parent to do something special. Sort of like being a preschool teacher but for your one child. I think that's what the OP is feeling...that she "should" be doing something above and beyond. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:54 AM Flag
»
OP... correct... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
»
Theres a diff bet "involved" & over-involved. Helicopter mom means mom who lives thru child & never gives them any space to learn to make own decisions, etc. Obv. your mom came home from being away all day & made you feel like you were her main focus & the light of her life which is wonderful. I'm talking about moms who spend their day gaming the ERBs & treating the PTA like high school cliques. Moms need to give kids space & confidence to make own decisions & trust in self [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:56 AM Flag
»
I definitely agree. I am reading Nation of Whimps currently and it talks to this point in ch. 1. the helo moms and the cell phones being and umbillical cord. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 11:11 AM Flag
»
Well, I don't think "helicopter" moms are good for kids. Make sure there are lots of books, art supplies, workbooks, puzzles, etc. & give them time to learn to entertain self. It helps if you start young with a basket of "special toys" they are only allowed to play w/while you are on the phone or working on a project (start w/ten minutes & gradually stretch it out). I will say it is so much easier to parent 2 or more kids over a singleton because then they entertain each other! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:41 AM Flag
»
mine antagonize each other... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:46 AM Flag
»
So what is better the helicopter mom or your mothers parenting style. Is there such thing as a happy medium. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 11:04 AM Flag
»
Absolutely! My mom was/is the best, while my dad was less involved because he was the man and his job was to make money (even though my mother also worked.) I don't know how my mom did it without family around and such an uninvolved husband -- probably helped that she had just one. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:15 AM Flag
»
I have a girlfeind with that typical mom at home dad at the office thing and she says that her mom put everyone to bed at 5:00... allthe kids... it was what her mom had to do to keep it together and the kids thought it was normal ! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:17 AM Flag
»
Good god! What time would they wake up? That could not have lasted after they went to school - 2 hrs to get home, eat dinner, do homework, bath, etc.? Guess they had no sports or afterschool! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:22 AM Flag
»
this sports afterschool thing is a kind-of new invention... back then you walkd outside and played with your friends... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
»
Not knew here either, I am born raised So Cal and I was always in at least 2-3 activites. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 11:13 AM Flag
»
replying to sports being new - not really. I am 46 & I remember doing something afterschool almost everyday (choir, piano, ballet, school play). I grew up in Forest Hills & this was true for all my friends as well. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:42 AM Flag
»
I meant more that baseball three times a week and the traveling team or the soccer practice twice with games on Sat and Sun... I agree that there was ballet practice or piano, but the super scheduled sports of today I never ever heard about as a kid... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:49 AM Flag
»
ehh, don't know about that. I was never into sports as a kid & one of the reasons I am raising dcs here in NYC is just to avoid Sat morn sports & travel teams! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:58 AM Flag
»
That's the thing though, my mom worked outside of the home, then still had to shuttle me around, make dinner, look over my homework and still sometimes had her own work to do at night. My dad would help by picking me up from one of my activities, but then he'd come home and relax, while my mom's day continued. I'm a SAHM at the moment, but just from watching my mom, I think being WOHM is harder. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:24 AM Flag
»
now you've opended up a whole new (and old) discussion ! sahm vs wohm... eek [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:26 AM Flag
»
[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:44 AM Flag
»
me too... my mom was at atty and snuck home to be with us... i think she was torn too... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:47 AM Flag
»
That's the thing too, because today everyone has to work harder, but I think in some ways it's getting easier for working parents because at the least the concept of flex time/pt/ working form home is catching on more. Maybe by the time our kids are parents it will not be as big an issue. (SOmething else will be, I'm sure.) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 06:55 AM Flag
»
i love this question. I am a Gen Y and I had the helo mom and dad who had me in every activity known to man, pushed for great grades, conferenced with teachers, let me say my dad was not the pusher as much as my mom. I love my mom, but give me a break it was a little much, my life was her social life it drove me nuts then and still does now. As soon as dd was born she and my dad moved to our town to be close to grandkids. Love her but I am approching parenthood very differentely. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.12.08, 11:08 AM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions