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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] just got nuchal test results - 1/8 chance of downs. i am so sad and took the cvs...any chance that dc won't have downs? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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of course there is a chance that he won't! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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sure [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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yes, a 87% chance... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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op: anyone else been here with their results? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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good math! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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yes, there is a chance..happened to me. it's just a statistic. gl! all was fine with me after my cvs came back. there are A LOT of false positives with that nuchal test. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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what were your results? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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1/12 for trisomy 18. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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wow...that is encouraging. i am so scared... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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it is the worst..the waiting game. how old are you? i was 27 yrs old at the time. you really have to realize how lucky you are to have found out, either way, this early. My dad said to me, either way, either result, is a good thing. Was it from the blood test part of it? or did they see something on ultrasound? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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both....blood test and slightly abnormal ultrasound. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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did they see a thick fold or nasal bone problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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thicker fold [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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this is what brought your risk up pretty high then..you just have to hope and accept whatever g-d has given you. ultrasounds are perspective. gl to you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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thank you.....i am praying! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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My results were 1/5 for Downs...just posted about this earlier today. Beautiful and perfectly healthy ds is turning one this week. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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that was from the Nuchal Right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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it is of course very scary. But do you really not understand that 1/8 chance of downs = 7/8 chance he won't have downs? ie more likely that he does not have it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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well you should know soon, my CVS results were back within 24 hours for the main five genentic testing. I was told by my age (39) and family history (Down's on both sidesI had a 1/42 chance. That said, I skipped the Nuchal Tests and went for the CVS because that is 100% accurate, I wanted to be prepared. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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did you terminate or have dc? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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No, I'm still pregnant, the results came back fine. I really don't know what I would have done, but I wanted to know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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and I found out at ten weeks I'm having a boy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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We had a 1/10 chance for Downs - healthy baby boy who is now turning 7! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone use the babysitting service at NYS Club? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.07.08, 05:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Is 5 years old too young to start piano lessons? My dd will be 5 in Sept and keeps asking if she can take lessons. She has no other musical background. Any reccs for a teacher? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.07.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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I'm starting my dd (5 in October)on group piano lessons in the fall, combined with a music skills class. I'm told (but what do I know) that they're much more likely to get into and stick with it if they start off in a group, b/c it's more fun with other kids around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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np: where? I am thinking to do something like that with my ds too, but he is almost 4, so maybe I should wait another year... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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Sorry, we're in Westchester -- the Westchester Conservatory of Music (something like that, it's in White Plains). 4 is really too young, unless you want to do the Suzuki approach (which was not something I was ready to do, and a teacher friend of mine who is certified to teach music didn't recommend it, even tho her 4yo is already playing violin). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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I don't know what suzuki is -- I will look that up. I am basically not musical at all, but ds is (got genes from dh's family!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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piano for a 3 yo? gimme a break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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he is going to be 4 in october, and he is very musical and loves it, I am not sure what is the right thing to do for him to enjoy and develop his musical talent. What do you suggesT? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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try dance for now, and consider piano in a year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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OR: try some kind of music skills class, but wait on the piano. there are a lot of reasons to wait till 5/6 to start: hands will be bigger and more coordinated, he'll be starting to learn to read so it's a good time to start to learn to read music, and he'll be more mature and ready to take on the study of piano. gl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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You're the only one here who can tell if your dc is ready. It's not necessarily too young, but for some dc it might be too early. Mine started lessons at 4 and a half and loved it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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It really depends on your dc, but my dd started at 5yo and loves it. We have been doing private lessons from the beginning, and got a teacher through www.musika.com. I would get a teacher who knows how to work with younger dcs, and is interested in making it FUN in the beginning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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Brooklyn [and Queens] Conservatory of Music has a great class for 3-4-5 year olds in introducing music prior to starting piano lessons. Not sure about Manhattan area versions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 03:13 AM Flag
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my ds started at 3.11. with suzuki. Only way for little ones -- highly recommend it assuming she really wants it and is musical). You'l find out if she has the inclination, obviously do need to practice regularly to get any benefit. My ds sounds out his own songs, improvises with learned songs, totally gets it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 03:50 AM Flag
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It all depends if your dc is disciplined enough to practice. My dd started at 5 (though closer to 6) and we have had hard time getting her to practice every day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 05:19 AM Flag
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piano teacher here-i have trouble teaching kids under 6. it's very hard for them to focus for 30 minutes. i would only consider it if the teacher is experienced with younger children and knows how to tailor a lesson to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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i started at 3 and played in carnegie hall twice before I was 11. It totally depends on the kid, i loved it and it was mostly a positive thing looking back. Lot of pressure once they realized I was really good, but otherwise it was (and still is) fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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I'd get an older music student to hang out and *play* (as in, have fun with) the piano w/ dc, for however long she (he? sorry, I lost the op) is interested. Pressure to do a certain curriculum, sit still for a certain period of time, practice daily, etc. is *way* off in the future, imo... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:33 PM Flag
[ - ] You know, I have been looking back at the posts over the past few weeks and it is really sad that people can change their attitude over a school because their dc did not get in there. Before the placements for G&T came out, 75% or more of the eligible posters said they were ranking Anderson as #1 choice of schools. Now after only 50 kids got offered a spot the majority of posters are TRASHING Anderson and those who got in. Give me a break. i have kept my mouth shut this entire time but I just can;t take it any longer. Get a life people. This is so ridiculous that i cannot believe that grown women (and men) woould act like this. These kids are 4 years old for God's sake. Some had a bad day the day of the test, some are just nor really "gifted". Some kids got REALLY lucky with the draw. I am sickened by all of the negativity and trash talk. 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.07.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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I hear you. It's all driven by emotion, disappointment and in some cases, jealousy. It was never this way when Anderson's notifications went out concurrently with Hunter's. I think it's the lateness, the randomness and the pure stress of it all that's made people rude and irrational. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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I think so many people were high on their 99s for so long, thinking they had a shot, that when it didn't pan out they went over the edge. everyone knew the odds were low, but they seem to have blocked it out. so, I agree with the long waits accounting for some of this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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Also, the lottery aspect, made it worse. At least when there was an on site, it was based on something more than just pure luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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op: I agree somewhat about the lottery aspect, but all of the kids had a 99%. If they were going to do away with onsites, it had to be done somehow. The lottery, imo, was the only fair way. If it had been done by "high" 99's to "low" 99's there would be so many people calling foul too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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NP: They could have used normed raw scores though. Personally, I think that is what they should have done, instead of a lottery. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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op: I agree. But people still wopuld have been bitching. well, my February dd got 38/40 and 88/88 so why did some Dec dd who got 34/38 and 85/88 get in instead of my dd? I can just hear it now. Actually, i did hear it when that was being speculated after scores came back. People will never be happy unless they get exactly what they want. life is not fair, but what are you gonna do? Deal with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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I have a dc who is very smart and happens to test well, so I thought we had a shot. then the sib policy got announced. then the lottery of 99s (dc with a perfect score). sometimes the rules just don't work in your favor. i remeber a few years ago, when my bff was applying for her dc. they had to rank 3 choices. she got 2nd choice. the next year another friend got to put only one choice. before that, there was catchment preference, then no sib preference, then sib preference. the best you can do is throw your hat in the ring, and hope the rules work in your favor the year you apply. pretty sure it all works out in the end. none of this is the end of the line...for any of our dcs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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You're right and your last line sums it all up very well. Taking a long view is the best way to go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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ITA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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Where did you DC end up? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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PS9 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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Good school; I'm sure your DC will do well there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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but the scores are so unreliable when you parse them that finely that this essentially results in a different kind of lottery. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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true. some want a lottery of 97+ for citywides and 90-96 for district G&Ts. not sure i agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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I don't think lottery aspect made it worse. at least people can say they had bad luck. when it was the onsite, anderson moms were saying the evaluators picked the smartest kids. now they have no idea. I would think that would soften the blow. really must be the wait. also, I think that just the element of change was very hard for people. they hate change. in a couple of years, if this system holds, everyone will be on board with it. as it stands everything is changing, and that is de-stablizing. makes for increased entitlement and fighting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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The jealousy and bitterness has been really ugly to watch in the last few weeks. I have seen so many posters posting false info about Anderson (and probably NEST also) that I don't even bother to get into those skirmishes. It's all garbage anyway, and there is always someone looking for a fight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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There was more that was unpleasant than just jealousy, there was also an ugly competitive undercurrent--a lot of talk about "peer group" and how lower scoring sibs or kids who got under 99 or 95 would drag the class down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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anderson was our first choice, but i honestly wasn't thrilled with the anderson posters here even before we got our test results. i still would have taken it in a heartbeat if we'd gotten in. i never loved nest from what i saw and heard and have no regrets we didn't rank it. i honestly don't really see anything new here as far as the reactions to anderson and nest and the trashing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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In what ways did the posters here influence you re: Anderson? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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^^^ never mind, I misunderstood what you wrote. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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I felt the same. would have taken the spot, but with some trepidation. also did not rank nest, as we live on uws, and I just could not see the commute. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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I ranked Anderson first (primarily because of the middle school) didn't get it, happy with 2nd choice, LL, didn't rank Nest. Something about the school I just didn't like plus the commute from the UES side was too long. I'm over Anderson now and am looking forward to LL in the fall (can't say the same about my DD though who wants to stay in preschool forever). Good luck to every one who got Anderson - no hard feelings here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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I hope others are finding that they too can start looking forward to the fall. GL to you and your dd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:44 PM Flag
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we took the same approach, but with ps 9 as 2nd choice. will be going there in the fall. very happy now that its said and done. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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kumbaya! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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where did you end up? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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our zoned school. we didn't think any g&t but anderson was significantly better or worth the commute. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:10 PM Flag
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OP, for the last time: MANY MANY MANY very gifted kids who scored in the HIGH HIGH HIGH 99th percentile did not get picked in the random, computer-generated lottery draw. THAT IS ALL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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and people are pissed. what's new? they will get over it by september. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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op: Yes, I know that. But these crazy obsessed trash talking parents really need to move on and focus on the school they did get into. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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Not sure I agree with you on that one sparky. No one has trashed Anderson per se, just the allegedly crazy parents. And Anderson has had the crazy parent reputation for years. I didn't see anything new after the placements that hasn't already been said before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 09:27 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone share an inherited summer home with siblings? We have an unusual situation where because my brother abandoned my parents he owns 25% to my 75%. He and his wife use the place for long vacations and tell everyone they "own" it with us while fighting tooth and nail when we need a contribution to run the house. It's a real drag anyone btdt? 26 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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No, but your parents did you no favors with splitting it up like that - by having so little percentage in the worth, you have no leverage to buy your brother out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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what do you mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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With only 25% ownership, there's no reason you could ever convince him to sell - he is getting more than that worth out of it by taking long vacations and not paying proportional upkeep. Your parents should have just given him cash in the amount of 25% of the house's worth (even if they had to mortgage the property to do it). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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well, you hit the nail on the head. We're tied together and it is awful. He is milking this for everything it's worth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I'm really sorry. I think a lot of people make serious mistakes in their estate planning - giving too much credit to some children, exacting payback from others, etc. Everyone I know who shares ownership of a vacation house ends up fighting with their siblings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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sure she does, she can have the house appraised and offer him 25 or 30% of the value [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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Yes, but he's getting more than that worth out of the house by bullying her. If they owned the house 50/50, that amount of money might convince him to take the buyout. Or, as I said above, parents should have given him cash. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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OP here: exactly! If he gets his 25% it won't be enough to buy himself another home so he has no incentive to do anything other than remain a burr on my butt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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do you mean since he has so little there is nothing in it for him to be bought out since he can come there when he wants and I run the damn thing like a luxury timeshare? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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Yup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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What are your rights legally? He may disagree on what you consider essential expenses. Such as hiring a landscaper when you can mow the lawn yourselves, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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I'm the trustee in the family trust that was established for the property. Technically what I say goes but in real life we operate by consensus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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How is it consensus if you are being bullied? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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You're right of course. He's my only brother and also only relative. If I go to the mat with him over this I might lose him and the connection to his family (dw and 2 dcs) I can't do that emotionally. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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Yes. And I'll tell you, it sucks. My sister and I inherited my parents summer home. Then we both had to pay estate tax on our portions. I had the cash, she didn't. So she wanted to sell (in a down market) and I didn't. Over the years, she has wanted to sell but hasn't been happy with either the offers or my offers to buy her out. So she has a house she doesn't want and won't maintain. It's more stress than anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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We should all form a support group! Seriously there are worse problems I know but this does suck. I feel for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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I'm not saying I have the worst problem in the world. But here is my issue: I own a home, I have to pay property taxes and maintain it, my sister and I can never agree on the financial responsibilities for this, we paid (what to us) is a fortune in estate taxes and can't structure a way for one to buy out the other without paying a fortune in gift taxes. It's a headache. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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i've seen this same post at least three times over the past month or so..... anyway...don't you have money in a trust or other money your parents left to use so that you run the house? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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np: Well, it's summer - her brother is probably driving her insane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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honest - it's not me. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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OP: Not me -there must be others out there. Is there a search term? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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there's plenty of money but dh is in his 50's and experiencing the choppy Wall St employment market. He does not want to put in a dime if my brother won't pay his proportional share. It's a stand off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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DH and his sister share a vacation house, purchased by his parents as part of estate planning. We sometimes fight, but it's worked out pretty well. We've had the house 15 years. We use the house much more than dh's sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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does she pay her share of maintenance and capital improvements? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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Yes. I think it's easier because money isn't an issue here. We argue occasionally about decorating, when we'll use house. But money is what makes everyone nuts, and that's not an issue here (dh's parents pay!). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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That all sounds really crazy and infantalizing. Everyone should just grow up and get their own house. It's never good to be under Mommy and Daddy's thumb. And do people really want to vacation with their siblings? Sounds pretty ghastly to me, and that's why we sold our share of the family compound [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:11 PM Flag
[ - ] has anyone purchased a kid's bed from either the Matrix company or from Country Willow in Bedford, NY. DS' room is pretty small (9x11) and I thought that a low loft bed would be a good idea, but Matrix is really the only co. that makes them. We saw a really nice Captains bed at Country Willow also-thoughts? TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.07.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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not sure how low counts, but room and board has one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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OP: how's the quality? The ceiling is about 8' (I think this is standard but seems low for a conventional loft) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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Flexa makes low loft beds, I think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:54 PM Flag
[ - ] woman peripherally inn my "cirlce" just left DH with 2 DC to run away with the tennis coach. It sounds like a joke, but it is the honest truth. Saw the man this weekend, and it was so so sad. Do you think some moms are just born without that "gene" ? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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my stepsister wanted to do this. she ended up divorcing her dh but did not run away with the tennis coach. she's pretty messed up and I feel sorry for her dcs. but she's always had issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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i wonder why the woman had the DC. Maybe she thought it was the thing to do ? I cannot imagine wanting children and loving themand then leaving. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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who knows? there's no way to know what the underlying reasons are. guys do this sometimes too -- it sucks but for some people having a family is more stress than it's worth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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That funny because men do it all the time. Are they all horrible? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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ITA! I hate that people are all shocked when a woman does this but a man? Not so much? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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Exactly, lousy double standard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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She may still come back, just infacuated at the moment. It happens, she does not have to be horrible mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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I think you sort of have to be incredibly selfish to leave like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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my MIL left FIL when DH was a toddler for a tennis coach...ended up being a disaster. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:50 PM Flag
[ - ] How much does a person make selling life/health insurance out of their home? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Preschool/Kids 07.07.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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On straight commission? Full time cold-calling? Maybe $20-25k. to start. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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You can make way way more than that if you are really good. It's commission-based. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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No, not to start unless you have a huge family who drops their policies and reups with you. I have btdt. Have you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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Not me, but my BIL does it and he does pretty well, definitely well into six digit income. As poster below noted he does other stuff too though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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Well your BIl and I and everyone else who does this starts with cold calling (and selling to your friends/family). Its a brutal way to make a living but if you keep at it and develop some good lists you can make money over time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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Poster from below: And that is key. If you are talking about ONLY being licensed to sell life insurance, I wouldn't count on making much. But if you have a suite of licenses and a broad practice, you can do very well. But it takes a while to build a book. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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Is that all they do? Or they also a financial planner, stockbroker, etc? Not many people are only insurance brokers these days. Too hard to make a living. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:37 PM Flag
[ - ] any good infant to toddler strollers out there?? lightweight even? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.07.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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I like the Mac Techno XLR [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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i have a mac volo and triumph. can use former from 6 mos and latter from 3 mos (though it depends on the dc). both are great strollers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anybody know good ballet class in Tribeca(3-6 yr. old)? DCs went to Wee Dance on Broome St. but we are moving to Tribeca soon. TIA! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.07.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:37 PM Flag
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is it really that far to go? i mean it isn't like you are moving to the burbs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:59 PM Flag
[ - ] You really just love money and power and capitalism? You know, they'll never love you back. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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thanks for playing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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short sellers rock! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:25 PM Flag
[ - ] my 5yo dd is being so defiant it's making me insane. she's also so crabby. wtf. what can i do to have a better relationship with her? i hate that we fight most of the time...we used to be so close. is this just the normal push/pull of growing up? will she ever be "easier" again? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:16 PM Flag
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try spending more quality time with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:18 PM Flag
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BS. this is normal and probably a phase [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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i think i need to do this. she had some alone time with daddy and now she's all about him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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my dd went through this kind of period when she was 6yr old. It's like a pre-pre pubecent period. They don't want to be treated like babies but sometimes want to be babied [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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exactly! baby her. rock her, kiss her and give her loads of attention. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:22 PM Flag
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but out of the blue -- not in response to the bad behavior. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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is she better now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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dunno, but my 4.8yo is like this and has been for some time. everyone told me it would get better when she turned 5, but I'm not hopeful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:32 PM Flag
[ - ] DH has developed an odd sense of entitlement. FIL notified us that he has changed his will to leave all his assets to his current wife. DH is furious. I've tried reminding him that his father is not a wealthy man and that his wife will live a very modest life on what is left behind, while we are comfortable (and can continue to work to fund our own retirements). But he is just pissed off. I'm afraid he will ruin his relationship with his father in the little time they have left together. 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:15 PM Flag
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hey, I'd be pissed off as well. who is this "wife" what the heck did she ever do for him? that totally sucks the assets should be moved to the kids NOT the wife. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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huh? Who made you the worlds estate planner? The children are grown and sound quite self sufficient. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:22 PM Flag
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OP: This "wife" is the man my FIL married a few years after DH's mother died. DH was about 9 when they married. She SAH, raised DH and his siblings for many years, and has no money of her own. If FIL leaves his money to his children, all of whom have substantially more money than FIL does, FIL's wife will be destitute. And at 80 years old, she isn't in much shape to get a job to support herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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you've got it right. GL in helping him see that what you're saying is both valid and moral. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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then I guess that makes your dh an asshole. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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well that's pretty judgemental. His feelings are natural. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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nope, not really. The majority of married people leave their assets to the surviving spouse. If there was a lot of $$$ it would make sense to leave some to kids from first marriage, but if not his father's decision makes perfect sense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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Then I don't understand what is your DH complaining about. Tell him to get a life. If there is so little money, and several siblings, he would not get anything meaningful anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Wow, how refreshing to hear someone post on UB who recognizes (and despairs of) entitlement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:22 PM Flag
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not so entitled but let's think of the grandkids for a moment eh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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OP: But DH and I do fine financially. We can provide for our children. If FIL doesn't provide for his wife, who will? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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can a clergy person help ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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OP: I was thinking of dragging DH to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen to see if it was the kind of place he wants his stepmother living out her remaining days. But your idea sounds good too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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taking care of our elders - IMHO - is a moral imperative. I try to teach my DC this and maybe a clergy person can help frame it this way to DH if he is religious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Well, teaching our kids to take care of their elders is much more important than teaching our spouses! -np (please note: to those who don't speak NY- above should be read in a sarcastic tone for best impact.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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I am sure OPs children will have enough to eat without the estate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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Oh come on. If your DH left everything to your kids and you got nothing and had nothing to live on, how would you feel? It's not like he married this woman last year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Why? What makes the children more deserving than the wife? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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this is totally stupid. the wife should get the estate, no question. the bigger question is who will she bequeth it to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Sounds like she will spend it, given it is not much money and she has nothing else to live on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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ITA. My sis and I quietly ponder this about our dad and his wife (who we like very much)because she has 3 daughters of her own. Would what our mom and dad built together go to her kids ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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Your dad could handle this with trusts. He could pass his estate into a trust that benefits his wife during her life, then benefits you after she passes away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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that costs money, it doesn't sound like it would be worth it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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it doesn't cost much and if it can be set up as generation-skipping you don't have to pay inheritance taxes on it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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OP: My expectation is that she will spend down the cash, then have to sell the condo to pay for assisted living or a nursing home. We are not talking about much money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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If it's not much money is it really worth the family rift? Your DH needs to grow up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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It's not worth the rift at all. I was shocked to learn that DH even expected anything. His father is not a wealthy man. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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have you told your dh how you feel? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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well, maybe if dh is lucky she'll die first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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I just went through this when my father passed away a few months ago. My brother and mother (from whom dad was divorced for 15 years) had this huge sense of entitlement and flipped out when they realized he left everything to his 2nd wife (of 15 years). It has been hell for me and I have been estranged from mother and brother for several months because I just cannot stomach hearing about it. My advice to the original poster is to do whatever you need to do to help dh get over it and get over himself while his father is still alive. His dad probably worked his ass off his entire life, and provided a comfortable life for his kid(s) - what else could a person possibly want??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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It doesn't have to be either/or you know. FIL can leave everything to his wife during her lifetime and then if anything remains after her death, it could go to his children. If he leaves everything to her outright, then at her death (if there's anything left) it would go to whomeveer she chooses - be it her children from a prior marriage, her siblings, nieces/nephews, etc. and I can understand your DH thinking that THAT is not fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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ITA. Although, if there any items left that belonged to DH's mother, maybe those things should go directly to her DCs, but the FIL's money should go to his DW. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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Sometimes tangilble objects (often worthy little or no $$$) can cause huge fights. Is your DH worried about things like these? I agree 100% that any--ANY--items that belonged to his mother should go to the children. And your DH should be upfront with his father if there are any other items--things of his father's, perhaps, that he and his siblings would like. It does sound like the FIL is doing the right thing with the cash, though. Maybe the inheritence of the "objects" is clouding the issue? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 01:05 AM Flag
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You don't mention whether or not your Dh and the second wife had a good relationship before this. Just because she has been in his life since childhood does not mean that she was kind to him, that they were close, or that she was a good person. Is she a jerk? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 01:07 AM Flag
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Does your DH get $$$ after step mom dies? This sounds pretty right to me. Perhaps it is in trust for him. Either way - it's not your DH's money. My DH's fam has had many lost relationships over inheritances. Lawsuits, you name it. So not worth it IMHO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 07:17 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm 36 and pregnant with number 2. Had good first trimester screen results (risk of Down's 1 in 4000), ultrasounds so far look fine. I'm at 17 weeks. OB advised that if 20 week ultrasound is good, I shouldn't have an amnio - risk of having it outweighs other risks. What would you do? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 07.07.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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It depends if you want a definitive answer or not. I'm 37 and pg and went for the CVS - it was the right decision for me, I wouldn't have been satisfied with just Nuchal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:13 PM Flag
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I had the amnio and dc is fine. it's really up to you. 36 is not that old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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I was 36 when I was pg with #2. I still opted for the amnio. I like to know for sure. I don't like surprises. The risk is minimal when done by a Dr who does them all the time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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I was 33 and everything was fine until I had my 20 week U/S. They found that ds had some excess fluid on his kidneys and when I went to see the perinatalogist, she went on and on about how it's a soft marker for DS. I was freaked but didn't have an amnio b/c I was feeling the baby move, etc. Worked out fine, but had 4 months of unnecessary stress. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:14 PM Flag
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it depends on what you would do with info. i did not do amnio with my 2nd dc, who is fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:20 PM Flag
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I would have the amnio, but had one with all 3 dc even though I was 31 when #3 was born. I could not stand the uncertainty, but it is a completely personal decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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20 weeks seems late to have the amnio. If you are going to do it, I would try for it sooner than that (often can do as early as 16 weeks) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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GET THE AMNIO. There is no downside. Downs is not the only possible chromosomal abnormality and many others cannot be detected by ultrasound. We had a perfect nuchal and 1st trimester test results, but decided to get an amnio anyway since I was 39. It turned out the baby had Klinefelter's syndrome, or 47XXY, which results in mental retardation (from mild to severe) and sterility. There are no apparant physical signs until puberty. The amnio results are tremendously informative whether one decides to terminate or keep the baby. If you decide to keep the baby, knowing the baby will be disabled ahead of time helps you prepare for dealing with it. I see no downside. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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