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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] 38 weeks pg and I have been having a lot of cramping. When I went to the doctor last week, she was said that it was normal. It has been tolerable except for yesterday. All day it was hurting on and off. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday, but it is really concering me. Should I be worried. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:28 AM Flag
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not at all.....just getting ready...if they are regular then call....I am 35 weeks and have been this way since 30.....been to hospital 2x...nothing...I had spotting too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:35 AM Flag
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thanks.. i haven't had any spotting or anything like that. The cramping is just umcomfortable and sometimes painful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:48 AM Flag
[ - ] Would never talk about this IRL with friends so just wondering about others' experiences. Is a report card with 3 and 3+ pretty good/fine? Or do most kids get 4s throughout by the end of the year? And are there 4+ grades given out too? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.23.08, 05:27 AM Flag
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public school, i assume. our dd has gotten a mix of 3s and 4s in the first and second report cards, and, through the most recent report card so far, all 4s in the final period. no 4+ grades given (and no 3+ grades either, at least at our school). have no idea how other kids do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:38 AM Flag
[ - ] For parents with DCs in selective public middle schools: What should I be doing now to help my 3rd-grader? She is a good student, has a good attitude about school. What do middle schools look for--just ELA/math scores mostly? Also, did you prep at all for these tests? Thank you! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.23.08, 05:23 AM Flag
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We have a girl at East Side Middle. Scores and grades are important. We didn't prep for any tests. Tried for Anderson but didn't get in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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I think it's the math that matters most when testing for Anderson Middle...do well and then they'll read the essay. Same for Hunter High. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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np; every other kid can read and write pretty well. Math - not so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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The schools also look for attendance and tardy records, especially in 4th grade and early 5th, so just be aware of that. Some selective middle schools like if you have a "talent", too, like music, so if your dd plays an instrument, that's a plus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:04 AM Flag
[ - ] if you got pregnant by someone you dated for 6 months and found out you were right after he dumped you, would you tell him you were pregnant even if you were going to terminate? or would you just terminate and never tell him? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.23.08, 05:11 AM Flag
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The only reason you want to tell him if you plan to terminate is because you feel the loss of the relationship and think this will change things. It won't. It will make them worse. Terminate and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:12 AM Flag
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no, i don't want it to change things. i just didn't know morally if i had any obligation etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:22 AM Flag
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shouldn't he pay for half of it though? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:25 AM Flag
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i would think so, but poster above told me to not say, terminiate and move on [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:29 AM Flag
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I am the above poster, if this is about money and you need it then tell him, but with regard to morality if you are going to terminate anyway what is telling him going to accomplish? Sounds to me as secretly you want a reaction out of him. When dumped we all want a reaction from the person who left to let us know we were important, I would let it go but thats me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:42 AM Flag
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I know a woman who got pregnant from a 2 day fling... she terminated without telling the man. It's now been 4 years. I still think she should have told him, it was his baby too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:30 AM Flag
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Why drag up drama and emotions with a man who does not want to be with you. This is my advice, take it or leave it. you have no real moral obligation to tell him unless you think that he is the kind of man who would want to know or care to know [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:41 AM Flag
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a potential baby belongs to no one but the potential mother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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I got pregnant from a guy I dated for 2 months. I scheduled the abortion and told him about it a few days before the procedure. We got married and remain married 9 years (and 2 kids later). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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Proud for you for having courage to 1. schedule the abortion if necessary and 2. tell the man who is now the Daddy during such an important intersection in your life. Congratulations [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:06 AM Flag
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Are you saying you had the abortion or you did not in the end? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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Tell him. He has a right to know. I'm not saying ask him, but tell him. He should know he can father children and he should know that he fathered a child with you. What you decide to do once you tell him is up to you. But telling him before will be much easier than afterwards I think. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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I agree. If you then can't and never tell him you (and your girlfriends) hold this in your heart like a broken record forever. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:22 AM Flag
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ita. i also think guys have a say in what women should do, but i drfinitely agree he should be told. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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Your having an abortion, you don't seem to be concerned with morality. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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holy crap you are horrible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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you're not too concerned with grammar, are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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this is not jsut hurtful, but pintless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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hi elisabeth! nice to see you've stopped crying about the n word. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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If you're planning on terminating anyway and don't foresee a reunion with the bf, don't tell him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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a dh: If you are not asking for my input, if there is nothing I can say to change what you are going to do -- I would not want to know. I realize I don't speak for all men but that is my pov. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:21 AM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone read Princess Bubble? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:01 AM Flag
[ - ] Help: Would like to take 2 year old and 4 year old boys on Winter vacation -- somewhere drivable in Northeast. Any ideas for good family places? My little one is too small for a full-on ski vacation. Thanks 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.23.08, 04:27 AM Flag
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we took 2-3yo on ski vacation and had a ball....went with another family....did ladies ski days, guys ski days, couple ski days...juggled the kids. those who stayed behind did outside play, outlet shopping, horse/carriage tours, etc....great fun....even brought 3 yo's up for a half day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:40 AM Flag
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btw....MOunt Snow... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:40 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone use the baby bjorn bouncer. what are your thoughts about having a bouncer without the vibration or sensory toys. i like the way it looks, but will the baby like it. thanks! 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 04:24 AM Flag
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i loved this thing, my dd loved this thing - she would sit in it when i took a shower or i cooked dinner - just sitting or playing spinning the wooden bears. when she was about 9 month and dd started trying to bend forward in the seat and one of the buttons came undown and she fell (she was fine). The button came loose and i had to sew it. i would get it, but just keep an eye on the buttons and make sure they are tight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:48 AM Flag
[ - ] I'm having trouble getting information on the NYC public schools-- for example, deadlines for testing for G&T, deadlines for paperwork for non- G&T. I am just looking now, since my dd won't be attending until fall of 2009. Thanks. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Preschool/Kids 07.23.08, 03:48 AM Flag
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The DOE's website will have the info --- when they announce it. Last year, they did not announce the new testing procedures and deadlines until middle to late fall ... I can't recall exactly, but possibly late October? Anyway, do not rely on your PSD for the DOE-related stuff. I have heard numerous stories about PSDs who did not even mention the DOE G&T testing as an option for families. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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^^^ For non-G&T, it really depends what you're looking for. Many zoned schools had registration in the 2nd-3rd weeks of March. If you're interested in lottery schools, you would check each District's website for info. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:56 AM Flag
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Start calling schools in early Oct to schedule tours [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:04 AM Flag
[ - ] Anderson or Cathedral? WWyC? 112 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.23.08, 02:31 AM Flag
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Is money a concern? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 03:36 AM Flag
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we can do it, but its tight. also will have #2 coming up. worry about the economy. always thought we'd go private, but now have anderson as well. will likely lose a year's tuition, but we accept that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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So if sending 1 dc to private would be tight, how do you think it will be with 2 dc going there? It will be $1million to send both of them K-12 (not including extras). Do you think you would qualify for FA wen #2 goes there? Do you forsee any kind of big financial gains in the next few years? if no, then go with A! Best of luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:50 AM Flag
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we will likely go with anderson at this point. two would be a very tight squeeze, but still doable if no other extras. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:51 AM Flag
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or: Are you and Dh in agreement? or is one of you leaning towards one way and the other the other way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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we have been in disagreement. dh attended private, and is dubious about public school. also I think he feels like a failure if he doesn't provide for private. But our dc seems like he could do well anywhere, and I think anderson is better for many of the reasons listed here...although I really love the setting of cathedral. I think dh is now coming to see that anderson is great, and we will likely pull out from cathedral this week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:01 AM Flag
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or: your dh sounds like mine. he always feels as if he isn;t taking care of us enough (financially). That is crazy talk. I think you are making the right decision in taking the A spot. Good luck and see you in Sept! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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I wouldn't do private then - you never know what might happen in life, and it sucks to be living so tightly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:56 AM Flag
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Anderson. DS went there and we were very pleased. Excellent school. Graduating Middle Schoolers do well in H.S. placement. We couldn't have been happier. Go for Anderson. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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I don't know if you are watching this post but I am a Cathedral parent who was faced with this exact decision several years back -- we got in Anderson WL after we had paid Cathedral deposit and gone to the Open House for new families. We actually chose to stay with Cathedral and have been extremely happy with our choice. Money was/is somewhat of an issue for us too but feel it is worth it. The main reason we chose Cathedral over Anderson came down to the community/families. We were rather turned off by the parents we knew or had met at Anderson -- they all seemed very caught up in their child's "giftedness" and the [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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Cathedral [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 04:42 AM Flag
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why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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Duh, Anderson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:23 AM Flag
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Anderson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:24 AM Flag
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why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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What's your child like? A quieter child might do better in the smaller, more nurturing environment of Cathedral. I've no direct experience with either school, but I have a child at another Episcopal school, and I love the focus on the whole child (e.g. my child studies ethics). There are people on this board for whom Anderson is the sine qua non of education, but your child will get more history and can even study Latin at Cathedral. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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np: True, which is one of the reasons I would pick Cathedral if money were not an issue [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:33 AM Flag
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You're right about the Latin since A only has Spanish (but of course a dc can change middle schools), but what about the history? Have you compared the history curriculum at Anderson vs Cathedral? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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I heard anderson may be adding french and latin. anyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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NP: At the orientation in late June for incoming families, Culot said they were considering offering another language in addition to Spanish, but it depended on whether they could find a qualified instructor over the summer. He didn't mention the specific languages they were considering. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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nnp: hope its French! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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I would be happy with either. Also happy with just Spanish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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maybe french early on, and they could add latin in 6th or 7th grade. kids could get a year or two of latin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:49 AM Flag
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a few years of Latin in hs is enough to make any difference. learning a romance lang before then is much more important and helpful, imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:03 AM Flag
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agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:04 AM Flag
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it's a useless language. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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geez...europe, the middle east africa and the caribbean. hardly useless. former language of diplomacy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:36 AM Flag
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still is the language of diplomacy. Also very important in specific areas of business and especially law. dh is a lawyer who speaks French fluently and has had MANY opportunities solely because of that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:36 AM Flag
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agree. NYers are very myopic about the world. just because Spanish is common here, doesn't mean french isn't still an improtant world language. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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ITA (and so would my half-french dh). I've actually had as much need for French in my life as Spanish (I speak both, but not that well, I'm better with French), and though I learned Latin in school it didn't help me that much overall in life... learning any language will help with SATs and vocab [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:40 AM Flag
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np: I found that learning french helped me with vocab as well. the latin roots were enough to help with words of latin origin, plus french is useful beyond that. german can be helpful for reinforcing germanic roots, and is grammatically interesting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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yes, I agree... but I find German to be an ugly language and not terribly useful overall (unless you're going for a PhD in a variety of fields in which case you need to know how to read it at least)... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:43 AM Flag
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agree...I vote for french. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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because Latin is more useful? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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Re French and/or Latin: it would be French if it's a language to be learned starting in K and on, like their Spanish. Latin would only be good for the middle schoolers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:49 AM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:50 AM Flag
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DC is very outgoing, self directed, and smart. Sometimes a PITA, but overall a friendly, if not charismatic kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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Go with Cathedral then [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:22 AM Flag
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np: I would have said Anderson with that description. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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ditto. i would see a shy kid in need of handholding or nurturing going to cathedral over anderson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:40 AM Flag
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Anderson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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Do you have an accept at Anderson? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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In that case, hopefully we will see each other in September! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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I personally think that you should stick with Cathedral, but if you are going to go with Anderson you need to tell them. There are probably many people still of Cathedral's WL who would love to send dc there. Do you have dc registered at both Anderson and Cathedral? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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registered at both. leaning toward anderson. will ose whole tuition at this point. just looking for additional opinions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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Come to Anderson! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:36 AM Flag
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you couldn't have made this decision BEFORE you paid for a whole year of school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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DH and I have had difficulty agreeing. The deadline for committing to a year of tuition was before the G&T placements came out. I would not feel right trying to get a reduction at this point, even if they fill the spot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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why not? most schools won't charge the entire year's fee if they fill the spot. BTW I am quite sure Anderson is the better choice for you, academically and in other ways too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 09:24 AM Flag
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np: how can you be sure? what are you basing this on? just curious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Incoming A mom here too- So, you will lose tuition, what- close to $30k, but think how much you will save in the long run. Your dc sounds a lot like mine. I think A would be a good fit. I see cathedral as more of a touchy feely type place that does a lot of hand holding. Where did your dc go to pre-school? mine is coming from a more traditional preschool (some hand holding, but teachers were really good at ID'ing the kids who needed it more than others.) If coming for a Montessori school, and you liked that, go with Cathedral. Best of luck and hope to see you in Sept! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:46 AM Flag
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Thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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or: You are welcome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:52 AM Flag
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Be very careful about the advice you get here. There are alot of parents that want their kid to go to Anderson. If you asked this question before the acceptance went out, everyone would tell you to go to Anderson. A is free. Why not try it? If you think it is not the best place for Dc , you can always change in middle school. Maybe you should tell DH that you will go private in middle school if you aren't happy. I think you are crazy to spend the money in elementary. If you DC got into A, they can handle it. WHat is the harm in trying it out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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I think you are a TOTAL CREEP for holding onto two seats still - potentially taking away one of the most coveted public school seats when you weren't necessarily serious about attending. What???? The year-long process combined with the actual timeframe the DOE gave you to decide wasn't enough for you to know so maybe you could be less selfish. You belong in private school, lady. You sicken me. You're the type of parent who "tries" public by putting it on trial and gives the rest of us parents in public who are there by choice or need a bad reputation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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np: please! it sounds like there was a conflict within the couple. OP said they will likely take anderson. some happy family will get off the w/l at cathedral. what is the big deal. anderson likely over accepted, and the families there will be happy to have one fewer kid. i cannot see how this gives public school moms a bad rep. OP is neither as yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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When are they going to stop being conflicted? I mean how long do people have to drag this on??? The rest of the city has made their decisions, but they still need more time? This couple will NEVER be happy anywhere they are if this is still such a difficult choice for them. Perfect choices just don't exist. Oh, and Anderson isn't over accepted. Everyone knew there were no waitlists this year and they shouldn't have chosen publics they didn't intend to attend. They've stolen a seat from another family who would have killed for that Anderson seat. (Not mine, already in another school and quite happy there, so not bitter about my child - just the selfishness of this couple.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:37 AM Flag
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anderson accepted 54 kids for 50 spots. OPs kid will not be missed if she goes elsewhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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It's currently not over accepted and the OP, in essence, wasted that seat if she wasn't sure she was going to take it. It's too late now to replace that child until next year. Nothing you can say can take away this family's selfishness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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I am pretty sure they overaccepted by 4 dcs. so no real loss. stop being so dramatic! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 01:38 PM Flag
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But they are not now. They do not have their usual number of students and this parent is a creep. No drama. Just a fact. Your data is old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:58 PM Flag
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1st- Did your dc get an offer to both? 2nd- is $$$ any issue (at this point, I would think you already put a bunch of $$$ down at Cathedral?) 3rd- Commute? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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commute is similar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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Anderson for the peer group and you can save some money, too. Cathedral is wonderful but I was advised against it due to lack of academic rigor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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I don;t think Anderson has anymore academic rigor than Cathedral [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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np: I think the overall peer group is smarter, the curriculum accelerated and the overall level higher. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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Not sure... just second hand info but some at Cathedral got their kids out complaining that the school is great with helping kids who need help but not great with kids who are ahead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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My df had one at Anderson and one at Cathedral. She said Anderson definitely stronger teaching. Moved Cathedral kid to Fieldston and then later, Anderson kid there for MS/HS. Anderson kid way more prepared at same point of moving over in 7th grade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:46 AM Flag
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Anderson, hands down! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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Cathedral. I changed my mind. Anderson moms seem totally crazed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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The poster child Cathedral offered up as an example of success at the recent Spring open house was so overextended with the school's extracurricular activities my stomach was in knots as I listened and burned out myself on her behalf and I am a corporate attorney with twins and a new baby. My life seemed placid in comparison. They will teach your preschooler 4 languages in one semester - well English is one of them but who's counting? I was also not impressed by the Disney precanned play the older school kids were putting on. I was far more impressed by another school putting on a play written, directed, produced and operated entirely by the students under guidance. If Cathedral floats your boat, go for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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Cathedral mom here: hard to imagine judging the school based on the play you didn't like. oh, and btw, some kids like and can handle being engaged in many things. Top performing kids at other schools have similar experiences. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 03:21 PM Flag
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Wasn't the play I didn't like. It was the predictible lack of creativity using precanned material of any sort, especially Disney. But you're on the choir and as such wouldn't get it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:34 PM Flag
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you sound like a jerk. typical corporate lawyer with kids. hyperactive and critical. blech! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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Children can be so overscheduled that they have almost no 'nothing time.' They have no time to call on their own resources and be creative. Creativity is making something out of nothing, and it takes time for that to happen. In efforts to produce Renaissance children who are competitive in all areas, we squelch creativity. When they are involved in too many different things, they sacrifice breadth for depth. This child spent several hours in choir practice during the week, several hours each weekend singing in the choir, on *three* school sports teams with practice and games, violin, class treasurer and a few other things I can't recall. That didn't include school and studying or time for relationships. Activities are fine, but this seems over the top. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:30 PM Flag
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says the lady with 3 young dcs and a job in corporate law. how are your reloationships these days? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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Just fine thanks! Married 18 years, Columbia Law. I work from home when I choose to. Have breakfast and dinner with DCs and husband almost every day during week and spend weekends with family and friends, hiking, swimming, gardening etc. When I was in high school I participated in school newspaper only since my mother had died very young and I had a sibling to watch over. We spent alot of time as younger children in the woods or by the water's edge of the Long Island Sound making forts, capturing and releasing all kinds of sea creatures, spent three years on and off building a tree house. Having a reasonable childhood under the circumstances where we could actually be children discovering our place in the world. I believe my children have a right to that kind of experience too. You are entitled to your own opinion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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lolo. sounds like you qre not a real corporate lawyer then. working from home when you feel like it hardly qualifies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 07:53 AM Flag
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My legions of corporate minions do the work these days dear :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.01.08, 08:57 PM Flag
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No one takes you seriously. most top partners I know work their asses off, and none are taking it easy at home while the minions slave away. those partners are booted sooner or later...particularly the women. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.16.08, 08:01 PM Flag
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Anderson. My DS went there and it was the best decision ever. Middle School students have gone on to the best H.S's. We loved it. It is a phenominal school. Go for it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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just tell Cathedral no thanks already. Anderson is the better choice all the way around. It's a no-brainer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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Cathedral had horrible exmissions last year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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Your child will learn more at Anderson. Some smart kids get bored at Cathedral and leave; the school can't handle this particular problem. Cathedral has a much nicer more relaxed less stressful atmosphere. Forget about the middle school - your child can go to Delta and take Latin or French. 4th grade history at Cathedral is much better than Anderson's 4th grade history, which is a hodge podge mess. Everyone seems happy K-2 at Anderson. Upper elementary grades not as strong, but still stronger than Cathedral. Both schools have problematic leadership, unfortunately, coasting on reputation adn demand, not dealing with problems or new directions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 05:38 AM Flag
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np: I disagree with you somewhat. Anderson's curriculum follows NYS scope and sequence accurately. Not a hodgepodge. Maybe not to your liking, but it makes sense in the context of a school career in the public school system. 4th grade history is NYS/American History from native americans through Colonial America. Pretty straightforward. Delta is not what it used to be. Latin is only decent instruction in language at Delta, regardless of what is offered. And peer group is more focused on social life than academics. Students have high grades due to all the extra credit assignments - very inflated grading structure. Very disappointed there after sending DC #1 vs DC #2. I would have like Anderson middle instead for DC #2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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My 1st and 2nd both chose Delta over Anderson Middle. More developmentally appropriate for them as both were ready to take on a larger community and greater challenges. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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NP: That's one way of putting it...annoyed the crap out of the smaller population and had to find a new audience is more like it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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nnp - Why would you even think of something like that? What made you so nasty? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 08:50 AM Flag
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Parents who keep their kids at Anderson find it difficult to tolerate that not all others do the same. They will even make remarks like these to imply that the kids who choose to go elsewhere are somehow undesirable. Just ignore it. I'm sure you and your kids made the decision that was right for your family. Unfortunate that others can't accept that there is more than one path for successful kids to follow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.16.08, 10:43 PM Flag
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We ALL know who this mom is and who her kids are. She's always posting about Anderson and she's often bitter about everything. She's a PITA and thinks that everything should have been changed to benefit her little angels who are annoying kids that caused a lot of trouble and help give the place a bad rep as a hothouse for competitive kids. Now that both of her kids are out of the school it will be a lot mellower. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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This is funny. You think you know who I am? Post my initials. Your description could not be more off (of me or my kids). Go ahead, tell everybody who I am. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 09:43 AM Flag
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I rest my case. You have no effing idea who I or my kids might be. Stop being such a snotty witch! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 03:15 PM Flag
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BL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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np - Actually you're the one who sounds like one of the nutty Anderson parents on UB who has given the school a bad rep on this board recently. There are many families who did the same as the other poster - switched from Anderson to Delta. You have no way of knowing who she is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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Anderson. Smarter peer group. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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4th grade Andereson social studies spends many months on details of New York Native American life with no point to it at all. It hardly spends any time on the American Revolution or American government. There is no textbook. The children don't have a clear timeline or sense of geography. The teachers use random hand outs in no particular order. The chldren are a smart peer group, but they can't teach themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.02.08, 04:08 PM Flag
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Several terrible teachers left over from prior principal's hires (as well as several spectacular senior teachers). Frustrating that he can't fire the weak ones who have tenure unless they do something awful enough to get rubber roomed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.16.08, 10:40 PM Flag
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Anderson follows NYS scope and sequence and enriches and supplements. Many changes this year to come in staffing as it appears there will be vacancies due to teacher pregnancies. Unfortunate that tenure keeps a less-than-stellar teacher sometimes, but it usually works itsself out, as it probably will this coming year. Every school has some dead wood. I think there's less at Anderson than what I hear about from friends at both public and privates around town. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 09:18 AM Flag
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I hope the principal can get rid of some of those dead hunks of lumber. That'll make our next few years much , much nicer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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Nice spin. The principal can change the curriculum within the bounds of NYS Scope and Sequence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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I know half a dozen very smart kids who had to leave Cathedral because it wasn't challenging enough and the admin refused to deal iwth the problem. OTOH, it's a gentle place. Anderson not that great for sensitive children, children who dislike noise, or children with a passion for justice. or consistency. But if you have a bright child who is flexible, she or he should be happy there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.17.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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Explain why you say "passion for justice or consistency". Basis? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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Why is the whole class punished when it was just two kids who did something wrong? How come Miss T won't listem to me when I try to explain what happened? Why did the teacher yell at X when he didn't do anything wrong? Why does Mr. Y always pick on X? The teacher always favors the girls and lets them win no matter what. Why do I have to sit next to X when she calls me stupid and fat all the time? Miss X lectured us for half an hour about how our talking wasted class time. Miss P said we were such a bad class and the other class was much better, but it's just a few of the kids and we're all being blamed and the other class isn't so great. I asked Ms. T if she could explain the problem again because I didn't understand it, and she said, No, I can't-you should have been listening the first time--BUT I was listening, I just didn't understand it. To the art teacher: Can we do more art and less self-reflections? NO, you cannot. This stuff rolls off some the backs of some kids and has no serious effect on them. There's a minority of children who are made very unhappy by it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 08:49 AM Flag
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^^and she said, No, I already explained it. This rolls off the backs of some children. Others not so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 09:03 AM Flag
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np - I have a dc just like this (not at Anderson or Cathedral) and for a kid like this, it will happen at every kind of school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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ITTA - don't fool yourself that you can pay your way out of this unfortunately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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It happens more at some schools than others. I think it happens less at Cathedral, Fieldston, Hunter Elem, and Dalton, for instance. How are you handling it with your child? Are you in a public or private? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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At one of the schools you mentioned, as a matter of fact. And I think it's more about my dc than it is about the teachers or the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 03:09 PM Flag
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I have friends at Cathedral, Dalton and Hunter. Cathedral seems sweet, Dalton seems happy, and Hunter seems live and let live... are appearances deceiving? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 03:50 PM Flag
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Must be Hunter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.18.08, 03:52 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone on now? 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 01:52 AM Flag
[ - ] Am married to an investment banker who works long hours, plays golf on Saturdays (then comes home to nap and does no housework, changing diapers etc. I am working FT and raising DC like a single mom -- others out there like me??? 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.22.08, 11:18 PM Flag
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It's YOUR choice to be SuperMom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:19 PM Flag
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?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:20 PM Flag
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I'm not sure I understand your complaint. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 PM Flag
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She chooses to have kids AND work full time, and has the nerve to blame her DH for not helping with HER work. That's her complaint. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:28 PM Flag
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Time-warp Mom? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:29 PM Flag
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No. FAIRNESS Mom. Nice to meet you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:30 PM Flag
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wow NP here I am awake and I agree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:47 PM Flag
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Huh? Fairness? So they both work full time, yet the brunt of housework and baby rearing falls on her shoulders? How is that fair? Because he's the man, therefore he should work? Because she's the mom, she should stay home and it's her choice to work? I'm not getting you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 12:08 AM Flag
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np: She is implying that he makes enough for her not to work, or hire someone to outsource all the housework anyway. Still, DH should not play golf every weekend IMO> [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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If dh and dw both work full time, they have to share ALL responsibilities at home (house work and baby) - that is only fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 03:32 AM Flag
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np: that is fair. And that is probably not going to happen in this situation. I posted below--I'm married to an IB and it's just a reality that they are not home enough hours to split everything 50/50. Certainly they should outsource a lot of the housekeeping stuff so that it doesn't all fall on DW. And the golf thing makes him look like a jerk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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Get help! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 09:55 AM Flag
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the kids and the housework are not "her work." they are the work of both adults in the household. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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This is me but my DH is not an IB & makes jack for a living. If he actually tried harder & was more ambitious & brought home the money & then left running the family to me I'd be OK w/ it. That said, I think it sucks that in the little free time your husband has he prefers to golf than be w/ family. My DH would make that choice too & whether you have money or not it still sucks when DHs make those choices. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 12:51 AM Flag
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i don't understand the tone of your post -- you chose to marry this guy, and then decided to have DC with him. why so bitter and resentful? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.10, 06:42 PM Flag
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i was in a similar situation (but am now on maternity leave with second baby). my solution is to just hire more help for myself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 04:12 AM Flag
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I'm married to an IB, but he would never play golf on Sat. His dad was an avid golfer & spent a lot of time at the club, when he wasn't working. DH knows it't just too much of a time suck. I signed the kids up for gymnastics on Sat. a.m. & he takes them both then goes to the park w/ them or takes DS for haircuts. But he does work every Sunday, at least half a day. I do feel like a single sometimes--he travels a lot and the hours are long (though better than they used to be). But I also feel badly for him that he doesn't have time for a hobby or to see his friends much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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DH and I both work long hours. We have to divide the housework. He does laundry, I do clean-up stuff, cooking. THat said he leaves more mess than I desire BUT he spends A LOT of time with DC - more than me because I too like to work out in the morning on weekends. I think it would be much easier on both of us if we had a sitter for even 2 hours or so on Sat. and Sun. so we could each feel we got time to ourselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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There are so many of these posts--how do these men justify their behavior??? I do not in any way think it is the woman's fault, but maybe we are letting them get away with too much. Sometimes I just do things because it is easier to do them myself than nag my dh. And he is actually pretty good with this stuff. Still, the things that I do as a matter of course, he has to be asked to do. And i also work full time. Can you sit down with him and discuss equality and sharing the work at home? Maybe assign duties that he will always do, so that there is no nagging or discussion. This has worked pretty well for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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The best thing that ever happened to my marriage and dh's relationship with was (my) horrible insomnia. Dh is a corporate lawyer who works constantly and is very involved in community activities -- so no golf on the wkends but lots of other commitments outside the fam. For a period of time, I just couldnt fall asleep until 3, 4 am. I finally had to admit I couldnt do everything myself and asked DH to take DS in the mornings to let me sleep until he was ready to leave for work. He really stepped up and has continued to be "in charge" of ds in the mornings and takes him to church (not my thing) on sundays, too. I'm not wishing insomnia on you, but maybe you can just assign him a time of day/week-- like breakfast every morning or Sundays when he is not working to give yourself a break? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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and i'm sure you're not living too shabbily either [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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That's the thing being married to an IB (I posted above, also an IB wife). You can afford to have some help. I would never have a full-time nanny. But we have a family assistant who can take on some of the duties that DH does not have time for (car maintenance, dry cleaning) but that DH would otherwise do. I don't think it really works to say "it's not fair. It has to look like ___ to be fair." But I think you have to arrive at an arrangement that feels okay most of the time for both of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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My DH is very helpful but has normal hours. Regarding housework: I think your DH should be excused if you can hire a lot of extra help because he is already working hard and deserves some downtime. Then maybe you can join a golf club where you take the kids to the pool while he plays NINE holes and then joins you at the pool. At my golf club where I grew up, the Dads with little kids only got to play Sat OR Sunday. When they are older he can play more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:02 AM Flag
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-- My DH is involved with the kids, I don't know how to "fix" that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:06 AM Flag
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np: good suggestion here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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I don't think any parent should be excused for putting the career before family. If you don't see your children anymore because you work 60 hours a day something is really wrong especially if you COULD get a job with less pay but more personal time. If I was married to a guy who is married to his work I would not want to have children with him. It would not be fair to them, to me, or even to him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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My DH works a ton (IB wife, posted above). We waited to have kids until he made it out of the really ugly early analyst years. If he does not have a client dinner or is traveling, then he prioritizes being home for family dinner, play w/ kids, bath time, stories. But the reality is he does sometimes have to go deal w/ clients and he does work part of each Sunday to keep caught up. He is a loving father and has virtually no life beyond work/family/a few football games a year. I am not going to make him leave a career he loves and is excellent at because he has to fit some mold of what a perfect family is. We are happy. Our kids are happy. That's the bottom line. And I'm a very lucky woman--he's a great man, a great father. And some people work the same # of hours but at crap jobs w/o any where near the monetary reward he gets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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Similar story.... just that its not golf for my husband but just more work. No weekend ever, every day is a workday. I am sick of calling him every evening ans asking when he will return and double the time he says he will still need at work. 20 min? Whats the bet he will take 40. will take another 3 hrs? No, its really 6. I am not kidding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.10, 06:08 PM Flag
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My brother-in-law gave up golf for several years until the kids were old enough to golf with him, and now the family goes together and they love it. Your DH should cool it on the golf until he can take DC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.14.10, 06:12 PM Flag
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DH did this. Although admittedly was not a hard core golfer before kids. He decided that there was no way to spend the time adn the $ that golf required wo taking away from time with the kids and with things he could do with the kids. He says he'll take it up when the kids are old enough to play, but the more time that passes, the less he cares about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 01:25 PM Flag
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I think many, and I can relate to the golf thing as my DH loves to play as well (and works a lot). The thing is, it sounds like your db is very young and perhaps your first and I honestly don't think many men get excited about their children and into doing activities with them (and giving you a break) until db is old enough to be "interesting" to them and also responsive- think maybe 18mo to 2 years. Not saying I think it is right/wrong, but an honest observation. The golfing then napping thing would piss me off as that basically means he is kind of checked out all day, but realistically it is hard to expect a stubborn man to give up his hobbies to play with a young baby. They really have no interest. I think you need to 1) get a maid/housekeeper to help you out with the housework, 2) enjoy your time with db and don't spend too much of it fuming at him, and 3) speak to DH about doing "family" activities after golf instead of napping. If you want alone time get a sitter for a few hours in the am while he is golfing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 11:40 AM Flag
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BTDT. Got divorced with joint custody, now former DH has the kid half the time. Turned out to be the best way to get him interested in child-rearing. And I finally have some free time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 01:17 PM Flag
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me too, but dh works a blue collar job, so money isn't the benefit. shrug. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 01:28 PM Flag
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DH here, can you send me his contact info? I'd like to know how he manages this... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 01:56 PM Flag
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too late, you need to manage that BEFORE you get married. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.15.10, 02:05 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone ambivalent about dc#2. In 7th month and feel guilty about how ambivalent I feel. And really wanted this baby...not an Opps baby. Cant shake this feeling or "whatever" 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Expecting 07.22.08, 10:35 PM Flag
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when I was pg with my 2nd, i had the worst anxiety dreams. well, actually had bad dreams until dc turned 1. I have a terrible relationship with my own sib-my mom was not the greatest parent (big understatement), so I was worried I would repeat history. felt guilty that I would neglect dc 2 while trying to help dc 1 transition to being a big sib. dc 2 is 2.5 now, and it is good. kids get along-are very sweet tog, and it has been great for most part. glad I had my 2nd dc. family feels complete now [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 04:33 AM Flag
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When we were waiting to adopt #2 (we adopted both of our kids) I was a little worried. I had such a strong, immediate bond to DS (our oldest) when I first held him--it was like a jolt almost. We are very, very close. I had trouble imagining loving another kids as much. But DD is 2.5 now and such a joy and seeing the two of them together is awesome. It did take me a little bit longer to bond w/ her and it felt different, but I'm so glad we have two kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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everyday we say how glad we are we had #2. They enjoy each other so much and have 2 keeps us from putting too much pressure on 1. It will all be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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I have been trying to decide whether to have a second and feel totally ambivalent. Let's face it, this time, you know what you are in for. However, I have talked to a lot of people about this and no-one EVER says they regretted having a second. You will be OK--just think, soon there will be another little being who is an special to you as your 1st. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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I remember, when I was pg with #2, that I sort of went through a 'mourning' period towards the end - as goofy as it sounds, I was mourning the end of our little 3-person family. I couldn't imagine life with a 2nd child, or loving a 2nd child as much as I loved the first. And to be honest, it took me a little longer to bond with #2 after he was born. But then magically, it happens - you're a happy family of 4, and you can't imagine life without a 2nd child. I think it's perfectly normal. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:33 AM Flag
[ - ] what to pay nanny to watch 4 yo (in school til noon 2x a week and later 3 days a week) and a newborn for 50 hours per week in NYC? Specify pl if u r on or off books. TIA 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:30 PM Flag
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Whatever the rate, you should compute time and a half for the extra 10 hours a week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:04 PM Flag
[ - ] HELP! Letting 6 mo CIO b/c took pacifier away. He's going on over an hour. Have walked in there to try and settle, doesn't work. Should I pick him up or just let him cry even if it's for hours???? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.22.08, 09:48 PM Flag
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i'm confused. the baby is crying because you took his/her pacifier? or you just happen to be cio'ing for some other sleep issue? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 09:51 PM Flag
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b/c we took his pacifier. he was playing with it, pulling it in and out, and we were having to get up 10 - 15x a night! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:39 PM Flag
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oh, that sucks. did you try just giving him a bunch of them? my DD had 4 inher bed so she always had one if she lost it and never needed us to come in her room for paci issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:57 AM Flag
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