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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] I need advice. I have a friend with a kid, he is 5, and has just been kicked out of his second school. Now his parents need childcare for the summer, and she, the mom, wants to do sharecare with me. I love the kid, but he's too difficult (which is why he's been kicked out of schools). Do I just make excuses, or do I tell her the real reason I don't want to switch off babysitting with her? 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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I think you need to be gently honest. "I'm concerned the sitter won't be able to handel Bobby and Sam together. I think Bobby might do better with a one on one sitter, or in reform school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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LOL!!!!! What I would truly like to suggest is a sitter for "special needs" kids plus social skills classes, therapy, and a bunch of other stuff. But naturally all I'm going to acutally say is to give her an answer to sharecare [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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I would lie..his mom knows he has issues but isn't gonna like hearing it from you. She will most likely feel insulted [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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Ugh. Thank you. I feel so badly because the kid needs HELP NOW and has needed it for years, and I've been biting my tongue for literally years now, and it just keeps getting worse. And they blame it on the "bad schools" they have chosen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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they sound like they are in major denial. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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we all (group of friends) hoped they would "get it" when the first school kicked him out. but no. and now, second school, and they still don't get it. You'd think they'd notice their kid is 5 and has literally no friends. : ( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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or: so they blame the schools? Def. don't tell her the truth she will get angry. She is in denial so she will not agree with what you or anyone has to say. Just keep your kid away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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she (the mom) is one of my very best friends...shite...you really can't be honest, can you? truly, what i want is to help. it's not a mom competition...my kid is special needs so more than anyone I would get it. It's just so sad, this kid is so so so angry and the longer they just leave it the worse it's getting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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I posted above about reform school--all kidding aside, I think you should try to say something gently--look, Bobby might need a different envrionment then he's had, more structure....it sounds really sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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I have said in the context of my dd needing a special school, because she does, "hey, you know, there are these schools with programs that might suit Dan" and she didn't seem very interested. let it drop now? It is stomach-churning to watch this situation go on. I almost want to drop the friendship, which SUCKS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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or: I completely understand. My best friends middle son had delays and anger issues. I could never tell her anything because she was so angered when others commented on how he should be evaluated. I just was there for her but did keep my dd at a distance for a while. She finally came to her senses and got him evaluated and therapy. So glad I didn't say anything because those ppl who said something she still can't forgive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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omg maybe this will happen. how old was her dc when he finally got evaluated? I want to be on the other side like this, where I've successfully managed to say nothing, yet the kid has gotten help. He needs it, that's the thing that is so hard. He needs help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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NP: We have a very similar situation going on with my dh's best friend. Their son is special needs and is having trouble in the second school they have tried - getting kicked out is only a matter of time. Here's the crazy thing, she is a speach audiologist and seems so interested in covering for his disability that she won't get him assessed. It's really hard. Any time we get together with them, we have to end the visit because our dd is screaming in fear or pain (luckily no serious injuries). Now we rarely see them as a group - the guys go out for drinks, but I can tell it really bums out my dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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oh man. that is rough. I really relate to this. I have known this kid since he was one hour old so I don't WANT to cut off contact, but it's just so f*cked. He hits! He kicks people in the stomach and then laughs! He'll destroy a room and then kick you in the stomach on the way out the door. When you are with him, it's like you're waiting for a time bomb to go off, it is so not relaxing. I'ms orry about your DH's friend. WHY are these parents in such denial? Is your friend's kid in a special school at least? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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No. He's in Montessori, which I think is a good place for him right now, but I don't think they will be able to avoid it next year when he starts K. Even if they choose to keep him in Montessori, I believe the teachers will have no other choice than addressing the situation. I think if they asked us to careshare, I'd approach it as what my child needs and not address anything about their child, ie make it all about you and your family. In other words, I think I'd say something like, "Thanks for thinkingn of us, but Janey is going through a phase that needs individualized attention. Plus, being a working mom, it helps me deal with the truck load of guilt if I know she is being taken care of one on one." Unless she starts the conversation with you looking for your perspective on her son's situation, I don't think you can say anything about him directly. Or, if he actually hurts your child - in which case you have to be in complete control of your emotions, which is nearly impossible when your dc is hurt (believe me!). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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oohh, this is a tough one. I have a friend like that and I keep social interaction with the kids strictly to parks, malls, etc. Never one on one. If you can do something like that, you might be ok. You don't want to tell her the kids are difficult. Could damage the friendship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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this is wonderful advice, and weirdly, exactly what we do. we only make social plans with them at playgrounds, etc. truly, i fear for my dd when the kid is around. i'm not particularly uptight, but he has picked up large objects and hit her with them, in the head [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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I wonder if we have the same friend! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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where do you live? i'm in sf. not that i don't know there are probably a million of these moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:53 AM Flag
[ - ] affair mom here. My therapist reached out to my husband in case he wanted to talk. She sent e-mail to me that I forwarded basically saying if he needed to talk, the therapist would be there for him. I hope he reaches out. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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who had the affair, you or him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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me. a while ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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^^ I know, flame away. Trust me. I beat myself up on a daily basis. I know I'm a s%*t [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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that's a tough one. I was cheated on, and could never get past it. I hope it works out for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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Did you have kids? What was the situation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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no, we were engaged. he wanted to get married, we went to therapy, but i just couldn't get past the extent of the lying, and the way he was able to compartmentalize it..oh, it didn't mean anything. well, yes it did. It really did a number on me for a while, ,I felt like i couldn't trust anyone. If you have kids, i really hope it works out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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well, it did mean something because obviously, I did it. I've been at the point that I'm trying to figure out what made me do it and that's what I've been trying to relay to him. I've taken full responsibility and know that if this fails, it's all on me. I just hope we can work past it. Especially since I realized I was doing something soooo wrong long before he even found out. It had already ended when he found out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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i wouldn't take kindly to that if i was your husband. actually i think it is a rather passive aggressive thing to do on your part. bad enough having an affair, now you want hinm to start visiting your therapist? at least let him find his own (if he wants one, which he may not) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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np: I agree. The whole thing was really avoidable to begin with - she didn't delete messages on her phone from over a year ago and her DH found them now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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i didn't recommend it. my therapist thought it might be a good idea for him to reach out since he keeps saying he has no one to talk to. I didn't mean to be passive agressive and that sucks if it came off that way. I just wanted him to find an outlet- obviously, it doesn't need to be my therapist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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are you the one who had the meeting with DH last week? How did it go? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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yes. Friday night went well, but then it all backfired. We were very close. He told me that he missed me and missed talking to me. Then, all hell after that. Now he can't look or talk to me- I understand. We communicate through e-mail, which is so difficult to read. He's still looking for a place but I don't know when he's moving. He's still staying at his friends and he comes home a few times a week to see the kids. I'm so upset. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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who did you have an affair with? How did happen? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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Someone I worked with. Husband and I had a good marriage, but there was a void. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I cowardly got sucked in to something very very bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:59 AM Flag
[ - ] WTF?? why is it taking me 2 hours to get my 5mo to nap? what am i doing wrong?? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 05.30.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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have you tried walking outside with baby in sling/carrier/stroller? Otherwise, s/he might just not want to. At that age, schedules don't mean a whole lot. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:16 AM Flag
[ - ] About to make the transition to bed from crib. Anyone start with full size? Thinking thats what we want to end up with so why bother with a twin. Any advice? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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that's what we did. DH insisted we put DD on the mattress on the floor for a few weeks in case she fell out. Then we put up the bed. No probs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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we moved to a toddler bed with rails. dd did great for a while, but all of the sudden she's been rolling out at night. kind of freaked out about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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my sis did. We did twin but have bunk beds. If I had the room I would do full sz [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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We went directly to the bed with rails. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
[ - ] how does at&t cell coverage compare to verizon in manhattan? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 05.30.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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my cousin's dh used to be a MGR at Sprint but now is a MGR at AT&T. He said AT&T sucks and he kept his Spring acct. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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crapola. that wasn't the answer i wanted. :-( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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or: I personally don't know but just passing along what he told me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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that came across wrong... i really appreciate the info, i was just disappointed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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or: oh no..I didn't take it wrong but just wanted to make sure you understood I had no personal exeperience (so he could be wrong :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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this has got to be the most polite thread i've ever seen on UB. :-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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i use at&t, no problems at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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are you in manhattan? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:48 AM Flag
[ - ] OMG Crane crashed on UES. Hope you all are ok 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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op: are you nearby? I can't believe this happened again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
[ - ] ack. I just heard that someone was dropped from Blue Cross Blue Shield because they went on Effexor. I was just prescribed it. Anyone here on BCBS and not get dropped? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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that seems illegal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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np it is. OP is listening to urban legends [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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yeah, I thought they just passed a law that said insurance companies couldn't take into account medical history for acceptance. I would think taking a certain drug while already on the insurance would also fall under that concept. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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or: they cannot drop you for a drug you are Rx. If they did this they open themselves up to major law suits [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:38 AM Flag
[ - ] I am very pale & I got my first sunburn in probably 15 years. It's around my neck in a U shape. It's weird looking and painful. I have to wear a sleeveless bridesmaid's dress in three weeks. Could I successfully airbrush tan or mystic tan around the ugly burn? I'm very clueless about this because I never burn nor tan. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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it will be gone in 3 wks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:26 AM Flag
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really? oh wow. thanks. Does anyone know if airbrush or mystic tans are recommended for someone the color of copier paper such as myself? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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Where are you? I'd go to spa-type place that does hand applications. Your color will be even and look "real." (I think you might still have a burn in 3 weeks, but a skilled person could blend it.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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being the color of copier paper myself, i agree with this one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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thanks. i'm on the ct shoreline. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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Don't know the area, but I'd call around to local spas. (I'm pale and have been burned, unfortunately.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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Put hydro-cortisone cream on it and take aspirin. Reduces the redness quickly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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advil works better for me. for future reference, i take it the second i know i'll get even a little bit pink. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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thanks. shoot. this has been six days! I fear that there are blisters too but I can't see well since it's on my back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:09 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone know of a swaddle blanket that is cool enough for summer 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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Muslin ones by Aden & Anais [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:54 AM Flag
[ - ] So where is the Theory sample sale today? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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261 E 36 Street (clothingline.com) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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its at old navy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
[ - ] has anyone heard about the district 1 lottery yet? we applied and put down our first 3 choices, but haven't heard any news. thought we would have heard something by now. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 05.30.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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Is that for the progressive "choice" schools or whatever they're called? Earth School, Neighborhood School, East Village Community & Children's Workshop? Mid- to late-June is what I heard for placement notifications. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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yes...those schools. thanks for the info. i feel like every time i call the school they have different info (thanks to DOE). last i heard was that we'd know by the end of may, which is today. feel like we're living in a weird limbo not knowing where dc will go to school next year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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I know, I'm so sick of the DOE. How did you end up ranking the schools? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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1-earth school. 2-neighborhood school. 3-children's workshop. liked earth school and neighborhood school the same really. did you also apply to these? i'm confused about what happens next if dc doesn't actually get into lottery for one of these. do you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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Sorry, I don't know. We aren't applying to K this year, but we have friends w/ dc already at all those schools and at EVCS too. I've heard the same thing from a lot of our friends who are applying this year or last year about liking Earth and Neighborhood equally. It does sound like the admin at Neighborhood runs a little smoother than at Earth but honestly so far everyone we know whose dc are already in at one of those three are happy. EVCS is the exception. We do know a few families there who don't like it at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:16 AM Flag
[ - ] has anyone allowed thier newborn to sleep through the night in a swing? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 05.30.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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oh yes. i did this for a few months. it was heavenly. crib = crying but swing = sleeping. and it was amazing she would go 8 hours in that swing at one a few weeks old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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Absolutely. Mostly naps, but sometimes overnight as well. He grew out of it in a month or two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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how was the transition to the crib then? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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transition wasn't awful. we just put her in and let her cry a little. however, this is db #3 for us so the crying was not an issue for us. we needed to remain sane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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when did you try the transition? dd i 8 weeks old. when is a good time to try? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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a few months ago i believe i posted these exact words on UB - today i'd like to take a little time out to thank the inventor of the baby swing. that about sums it up, right! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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np: which swing did you have? we never had one for #1 but are expecting #2 now and i'd love recommendations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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we have a blue one with fish on it-i have to go look at it- but it swings in two directions and reclines to different positions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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thanks. i like the idea that it reclines. (do all swings do this?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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we have two - one upstairs and one down! they are both fisher price. the newer one is the rainforest swing (not the open top). it swings side to side and front to back. it has a mobile on it and a small snap on toy tray. dd is 6 mos and still plays in it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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thanks. will check this one out, too. does it recline? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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My sister used to use her rocker thing (not really a rocker, but not really a swing). She actually put it in the crib and put my niece in it. It was the only way my niece would sleep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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yes!! it was the only way db would sleep for a while, and i felt guilty at the time, but in retrospect it was the best thing i ever did. i had the fisher price nature's something cradle swing- i loved it. i cannot say enough about that swing- i fully intend to use it whenever possible for #2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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at what age did you stop using the swing and how did it go? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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My ds is 4mo and we still have him in the swing. We try to start him in teh crib and then usually after his 1st or 2nd waking, we cave and do the swing. We tried to do only crib for about 3 weeks around 3mo, and he just was not consistent. I hope he is not 15 years old and needing to sleep in a playground every night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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