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05.30.08, 06:41 AM Toddler
19 replies
I need advice. I have a friend with a kid, he is 5, and has just been kicked out of his second school. Now his parents need childcare for the summer, and she, the mom, wants to do sharecare with me. I love the kid, but he's too difficult (which is why he's been kicked out of schools). Do I just make excuses, or do I tell her the real reason I don't want to switch off babysitting with her? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 05.30.08, 06:41 AM Flag
 

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I think you need to be gently honest. "I'm concerned the sitter won't be able to handel Bobby and Sam together. I think Bobby might do better with a one on one sitter, or in reform school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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LOL!!!!! What I would truly like to suggest is a sitter for "special needs" kids plus social skills classes, therapy, and a bunch of other stuff. But naturally all I'm going to acutally say is to give her an answer to sharecare [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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I would lie..his mom knows he has issues but isn't gonna like hearing it from you. She will most likely feel insulted [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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Ugh. Thank you. I feel so badly because the kid needs HELP NOW and has needed it for years, and I've been biting my tongue for literally years now, and it just keeps getting worse. And they blame it on the "bad schools" they have chosen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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they sound like they are in major denial. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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we all (group of friends) hoped they would "get it" when the first school kicked him out. but no. and now, second school, and they still don't get it. You'd think they'd notice their kid is 5 and has literally no friends. : ( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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or: so they blame the schools? Def. don't tell her the truth she will get angry. She is in denial so she will not agree with what you or anyone has to say. Just keep your kid away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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she (the mom) is one of my very best friends...shite...you really can't be honest, can you? truly, what i want is to help. it's not a mom competition...my kid is special needs so more than anyone I would get it. It's just so sad, this kid is so so so angry and the longer they just leave it the worse it's getting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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I posted above about reform school--all kidding aside, I think you should try to say something gently--look, Bobby might need a different envrionment then he's had, more structure....it sounds really sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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I have said in the context of my dd needing a special school, because she does, "hey, you know, there are these schools with programs that might suit Dan" and she didn't seem very interested. let it drop now? It is stomach-churning to watch this situation go on. I almost want to drop the friendship, which SUCKS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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or: I completely understand. My best friends middle son had delays and anger issues. I could never tell her anything because she was so angered when others commented on how he should be evaluated. I just was there for her but did keep my dd at a distance for a while. She finally came to her senses and got him evaluated and therapy. So glad I didn't say anything because those ppl who said something she still can't forgive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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omg maybe this will happen. how old was her dc when he finally got evaluated? I want to be on the other side like this, where I've successfully managed to say nothing, yet the kid has gotten help. He needs it, that's the thing that is so hard. He needs help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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NP: We have a very similar situation going on with my dh's best friend. Their son is special needs and is having trouble in the second school they have tried - getting kicked out is only a matter of time. Here's the crazy thing, she is a speach audiologist and seems so interested in covering for his disability that she won't get him assessed. It's really hard. Any time we get together with them, we have to end the visit because our dd is screaming in fear or pain (luckily no serious injuries). Now we rarely see them as a group - the guys go out for drinks, but I can tell it really bums out my dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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oh man. that is rough. I really relate to this. I have known this kid since he was one hour old so I don't WANT to cut off contact, but it's just so f*cked. He hits! He kicks people in the stomach and then laughs! He'll destroy a room and then kick you in the stomach on the way out the door. When you are with him, it's like you're waiting for a time bomb to go off, it is so not relaxing. I'ms orry about your DH's friend. WHY are these parents in such denial? Is your friend's kid in a special school at least? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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No. He's in Montessori, which I think is a good place for him right now, but I don't think they will be able to avoid it next year when he starts K. Even if they choose to keep him in Montessori, I believe the teachers will have no other choice than addressing the situation. I think if they asked us to careshare, I'd approach it as what my child needs and not address anything about their child, ie make it all about you and your family. In other words, I think I'd say something like, "Thanks for thinkingn of us, but Janey is going through a phase that needs individualized attention. Plus, being a working mom, it helps me deal with the truck load of guilt if I know she is being taken care of one on one." Unless she starts the conversation with you looking for your perspective on her son's situation, I don't think you can say anything about him directly. Or, if he actually hurts your child - in which case you have to be in complete control of your emotions, which is nearly impossible when your dc is hurt (believe me!). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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oohh, this is a tough one. I have a friend like that and I keep social interaction with the kids strictly to parks, malls, etc. Never one on one. If you can do something like that, you might be ok. You don't want to tell her the kids are difficult. Could damage the friendship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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this is wonderful advice, and weirdly, exactly what we do. we only make social plans with them at playgrounds, etc. truly, i fear for my dd when the kid is around. i'm not particularly uptight, but he has picked up large objects and hit her with them, in the head [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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I wonder if we have the same friend! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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where do you live? i'm in sf. not that i don't know there are probably a million of these moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.30.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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