• Filter the conversation
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Need advice regarding DH... he is incredibly sweet and loving to me except when he gets stressed by work and then he takes it out on me. I basically do everything I can to please him (giving him space when he needs it, giving him backrubs when he needs them, making dinner, etc), and he's appreciative and appologitic when he's feeling better. However, whenever I'm stressed or upset he gets upset with me and doesn't do anything to help... Why the double standard, and how can I work to change it? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
have you pointed this out to him? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:23 AM Flag
»
I have tried, but I think I have bad timing because it usually bothers me when I'm already stressed and then he gets upset which makes me more upset... and I hate to bring it up when we're both happy to make us both upset [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:24 AM Flag
»
i understand, but you have to risk raising it when you aren't already upset and can be a bit more reasonable. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:26 AM Flag
»
Do you tell him that you are upset and need him to help you out. My dh needs things spelling out then he is helpful. If I'm just upset and don't say anything about why he finds it annoying. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
Good point. I usually try to get him to help (i.e, i've had a really long day and would love for him to make dinner, but I mention it once, he doesn't do it, so I make dinner and then get more upset because he doesn't offer to help) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:26 AM Flag
»
I think you need to be clear with him i.e 'can you peel the veg, set the table'. I was totally stressed out the other night and my dh came into the kitchen and said what are you doing. I said 'my least favorite job unloading the dishwasher and I'm shattered.' His response was ok and he walked out of the kitchen I couldn't get angry because I know if I said can you help me with this he would. I can't expect him to read my mind. Maybe your dh is similar. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:31 AM Flag
»
true. That is our sort of situation, although I know its partly my fault becasue I tend to shoulder more of my burden than necessary. But he's also always too busy to do things that he SHOULD do, like clean up his clothes in the closet, and I keep reminding him but he doesn't because he has to run to work, etc [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:33 AM Flag
»
I actually think we might be married to the same man! I just leave his mess for him to deal with and keep everything else tidy. I don't tell him to tidy up but I do say 'I don't like having to look at your clothes on the floor' etc [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:36 AM Flag
»
lol, probably. I know his work is stressful but there are some things I don't feel it is my job to do, which include cleaning up clothes he leaves on the floor... I am happy to do the laundry, etc., but its the things he just dumps after wearing that gets me! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
Ok. I think as both our husbands are exactly the same (and I know many of my friends have the same issues) then it has to be 'normal' and we probably just have to put up with it. GL :) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:42 AM Flag
»
Yeah, I'm sure it is totally normal. I guess I'd just love to have him want to pitch in a bit more... but I'll take what I can get (he is exceptionally good about cleaning the kitchen after I've cooked a big meal. Of course, he doesn't clean it until the next morning, but still...) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:43 AM Flag
»
Ita. My Dh gets the same way when it comes to work. When I explain how I feel and suggest that he needs to learn to control his stress, he is very apologetic and tries his best to be better during those times. I also try to remember that it's the stress and not me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:29 AM Flag
»
I'm hearing control issues here...especially the part about taking it out on you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:29 AM Flag
»
can you elaborate on what you mean by control issues? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:30 AM Flag
»
blaming those situations on you is a textbook symptom of contolling men, angry men, and verbal abusers...another trait is being overly obsequious and appreciative at other times. I have one myself so I am learning a lot about this through therapy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:33 AM Flag
»
he never blames his work situations on me, nor is he overly appreciative - he apologizes for being stressed and is grateful that I understand it is work and not about me. He's never come near to being angry or verbal abuse. Sorry you're in a really bad sit though [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:34 AM Flag
[ - ] I was googling NEST last night and discovered a lawsuit against NEST and the DOE filed by a father whose child was not accepted after the onsite last year. 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
NY Schools 06.24.08, 11:20 AM Flag
»
What was the outcome? I'm sure this year will yield similar lawsuits [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:21 AM Flag
»
^^^ In all seriousness, I think an interesting lawsuit would be a class action from parents of 4 yr old boys, protesting the testing at an age where boys as a group are known to be slightly behind developmentally than girls. There is an inherent unfairness to this situation. FWIW, I'm the parent of 2 dds, so no axe to grind here personally. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:24 AM Flag
»
I agree, but I don't think boys ever catch up anymore, and certainly not in elementary [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:31 AM Flag
»
that's because after a long time of teaching to boys' strengths they now teach to girls'. boys are set up to fail. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:32 AM Flag
»
below poster: ita. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:34 AM Flag
»
new poster and ITA [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 02:55 PM Flag
»
np: said it here before...i'm totally in favor of same sex education for certain subjects. wish the divided classes for some subjects and brought them together for others. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:32 AM Flag
»
DH is a teacher and he says the problem is teachers these days want boys to act like girls, so that's why so many boys are labled ADD or just "problems." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:05 PM Flag
»
your dh is a WISE man. I am fighting this system daily. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 02:56 PM Flag
»
that ought to be fun reading. do you have a link? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
http://www.counsel.nysed.gov/Decisions/volume47/d15679.htm [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:30 AM Flag
»
Thanks. I finally got to know what NEST did at their onsites in the past. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:01 PM Flag
»
i guess that's an argument for the scores-only approach? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:31 AM Flag
»
Now everyone will have to sue the DOE since nothing is in the hands of the schools anymore. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:32 AM Flag
»
Actually Lawsuit is from parents of a girl. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:35 AM Flag
»
Yes, a separate conversation from the tangent above [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:36 AM Flag
»
did they promise her placement or something in on-site interview? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:36 AM Flag
»
No, the father just didn't believe that his high scoring dd ranked lower than other kids on the onsite [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
ah [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
Here's another good lawsuit for those of you who are bored: http://www.counsel.nysed.gov/Decisions/volume34/d13253.htm [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:55 AM Flag
»
that's a real hoot. keep them coming! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:04 PM Flag
»
Joseph must be 20 now. I wonder how he did in life! (+ I'm so glad that NYC parents aren't the only crazy ones) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 07:19 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone watch the bachelorette? who is your fave? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
graham [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:49 AM Flag
[ - ] need recommendations for anniversary dinner. Price no object. Can be anywhere in the city. Want to go someplace great 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:16 AM Flag
»
boathouse cafe [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:17 AM Flag
»
Per se. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
When is your anniversary? If it is more than 2 months away, plan for trying to get a reservation at Per Se. if 1 month, try for Babbo. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
union square cafe, asiate, buddakhan [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
gramercy tavern [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
np: ITA. Or Il Buco. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:46 AM Flag
»
I think Bouley is romantic [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:31 AM Flag
»
like seafood - check out Lure in Soho. great oysters... great seafood. great atmosphere. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:40 AM Flag
[ - ] at what age did you stop swaddling your baby? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
Newborn 06.24.08, 11:13 AM Flag
»
about a month old [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:14 AM Flag
»
4 mos, he was a poor sleeper [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:15 AM Flag
»
#1 7mo, #2 2mo [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:20 AM Flag
»
11 mos. She loved it! By then she broke out of it quickly, but she wanted it as part of her sleep routine. Now age 5, she still loves to be wrapped up and in enclosed spaces. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:21 AM Flag
»
np: what swaddling blanket did you have that was big enough? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:42 AM Flag
»
4mos bc she was breaking out of it. now wish i had never b/c she can't learn to sleep without it. or at least wish i had stopped when she was still small enough for bassinet, think teaching her how to sleep unswaddled would've been easier in that than the huge crib [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:43 AM Flag
[ - ] Apart from exmissions, what is the difference between TT preschools and "preschool alternative/FCFS" preschools? Are the teachers much better at TT preschools? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
Toddler 06.24.08, 11:09 AM Flag
»
Honestly and truly, I did not see a difference between the teaching my dd got at a preschool daycare versus the top developmental preschools that I toured. Her teacher was excellent, with many years of prek and k experience. The only reason we moved her was because we wanted to try the Montessori method [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:10 AM Flag
»
nothing. and FWIW, the TT schools really do not take dcs from certain 'tt' preschools it is a myth created by the unconnecteds who want to try and control something in this uncontrollable system [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:10 AM Flag
»
I don't understand what you just said? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
That is where your dc goes to preschool has no bearing whatsoever on whether they move on to a TT private school [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
»
Teacher here: I've taught at a TT school and at a tiny, no-name school and, in theory, DC's experience could be similar at any type of school/program. There are a lot of factors at play -- in most cases, it's the teachers who impact the experience, but great ones are everywhere and terrible ones are everywhere. There may be a difference in resources depending on the school (but the brand of crayon isn't going to make or break a preschool experience). The peer groups may be different -- and, in theory, a TT may have more compliant, better behaved DCs(but that's not always the case AT ALL!). I think that a TT school can help when a DC is WL'd -- the PSD will have connections and make phone calls and can often help with an acceptance (although the family may not be thrilled about where). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:07 PM Flag
»
there is no that much sway from a PSD to an Admissions Director. The dc is either in or not there is no fence sitting in TT privates [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
»
A PSD can't change a reject into an accept -- but a PSD can help move a DC off of the WL (or from the "maybe" pile to the accept pile before letters go out). As I wrote, the family may not be thrilled about the school (it may be near the bottom of their list and not a TT), but it's still an accept -- and, IME, this rarely happened at the unconnected school. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:13 PM Flag
»
I have worked for four years at my alma mater and though it is TT, so may not fall into the sort of school for whom a PSD's word means something, I have heard from other friends at other schools that the power of a preschool's director in the admissions process is largely something the preschools like to pretend is real in order to draw more applicants and interested parents. I know we pay no attention and I can only assume few other schools do. But I will take your word for it as this seems to be your experience. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:17 PM Flag
»
It's my experience -- although who knows how much convincing really needed to be done (maybe the DOA liked the DC and was waiting to hear that the family would take the spot). I don't mean that the PSD bullies the ongoing into an accept -- I just mean that she may "talk up" the DC. Of course, a PSD hopes not to be in this position -- a PSD hopes that everyone has an accept of the bat! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:21 PM Flag
»
FWIW at our absolutely no name, no prestige, no one ever heard of it pre-school, every single child who took DOE's test made the cut-off. We have wonderful teachers and a wonderful community, though on UB it has been referred to as "no better than daycare." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
»
Which one? Looking for options for next year on UES for DD who is not yet 2. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:16 PM Flag
»
This is on Upper West. First come, first served pre-school that's been around for 40 years. Wonderful, experienced teachers, but no frills and no high-end rep. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:18 PM Flag
»
First Friends? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 01:21 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone told another mom that her nanny did something wrong? how did it go over? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:06 AM Flag
»
No, but I was once told about something my nanny did. I confronted her on it, she explained her side of it and I realized that the situation was blown way out of proportion. I told her if she feels weird about anything in the future I would rather hear about it from her first. And she does. We have always had a great relationship and this openness made it stronger. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:13 AM Flag
»
That is very, very tricky. If it was a one-time event that didn't threaten the health or safety of the child, let it go. If it is an ongoing thing, try to find someone who knows the mother and ask if they've seen it too. In my experience, the nanny's employer often feels attacked and gets very defensive. So, you have to tread carefully and speak very neutrally. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:17 AM Flag
»
i would like people to tell me if my nanny did something [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
So you say. Do you ask? I've been asked a few times (I'm a SAHM), but only by people who employ great nannies! Ask! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:19 AM Flag
»
I can tell you what not to do - don't send a hysterical email accusing her nanny of child abandonment. If you are afraid the child is in danger, don't spend 3 days writing an email. Pick up the phone. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:28 AM Flag
[ - ] I want another iced coffee, but I'm still buzzing from the last one. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:04 AM Flag
»
grad a decaf [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:05 AM Flag
»
That's really fascinating - so glad you shared that pearl. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:05 AM Flag
»
Feel free to post something more interesting. This site is DEAD. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:17 AM Flag
[ - ] What toy does your 8mo love to play with? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
Newborn 06.24.08, 11:03 AM Flag
»
Things that make a noise. Stacking cups he can bang together, electric keyboard, things he can chew on too. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:06 AM Flag
[ - ] When did private schools in manhattan start requiring erbs? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
Preschool/Kids 06.24.08, 11:02 AM Flag
»
Many years ago -- I'm 29 and went to a private school in NYC and I remember taking my ERBs! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
[ - ] Know anyone who homeschools but uses a private tutor? Is it expensive? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
New York City 06.24.08, 11:00 AM Flag
»
why would you do this [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:07 AM Flag
[ - ] I wish I had some dramatic reason as to why I won't have another DC. Truth is, I just don't want one. Period. The End. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:00 AM Flag
»
which is fine. i have two and dont want another, period, the end. its nobody's business. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:01 AM Flag
»
that's the best reason. why do you want drama? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:08 AM Flag
»
That's why it's called a Personal Decision. Only you need to know the reason. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:23 AM Flag
[ - ] what age did you db drop the third nap? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:56 AM Flag
»
9 months [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:57 AM Flag
»
damn mine seems to be doing it at 7months. Thought we had more time! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:02 AM Flag
»
If it makes you feel better my now 9mo has never taken 3 naps. I struggle for him to take 2. Sleeps ok at night though. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:04 AM Flag
[ - ] anyone have any experience with epilators? just started waxing recently. i love not having to shave every day but hate having to wait to regrow hair. it also grows in patches. i feel like i only have 1 week of smooth legs. then whatever wasn't taken out during the wax session starts growing in. thinking of alternatives. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
New York City 06.24.08, 10:56 AM Flag
»
you mean like the epilady? I used to have one and it was tantamount to a medievel torture device...hurt so bad that i never used it.....what about trying something like Veet....that stuff works really well [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:15 AM Flag
»
Is Veet the same as Nair? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:17 AM Flag
»
np: try laser hair removal. i have not done it on my legs, but have done it on bikini and underarms [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
»
I wax (and have for years) and have the same complaints -- but I'm convinced that I have less hair after all this time and I hate shaving, so I stick with it. Where do you go? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
[ - ] how do i get out of my one year contract for gym membership? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:56 AM Flag
»
tell them you're moving into a bldg with a gym in it [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:57 AM Flag
»
not too bright, are you? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:02 AM Flag
»
that's how i got out of mine and was true. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:14 AM Flag
»
I don't think you can. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:03 AM Flag
»
tell them you're moving to a state where they don't have any branches. Most will let you get out for this... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:04 AM Flag
[ - ] Is everyone happy now with their school situation? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
New York City 06.24.08, 10:55 AM Flag
»
yes [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:56 AM Flag
»
No, but it is what it is and we will make the best of it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:57 AM Flag
»
same here [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:30 AM Flag
»
Yes [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 10:59 AM Flag
»
Yes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:01 AM Flag
»
Thrilled [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:04 AM Flag
»
Also thrilled. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:23 AM Flag
»
yes - very excited for my dc. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:24 AM Flag
»
School - from preschool-college, is entirely what you and your child make of it [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
could not agree more! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 02:32 PM Flag
»
Exploding with thrillness over here! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
We still don't know yet. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
What's your situation? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:27 AM Flag
»
Waiting to hear on 41/3. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:30 AM Flag
»
yes. We are set for the next six years. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:27 AM Flag
»
from g&t, no and that i had to opt out of it because not happy. but i'm okay with local school. being "cautiously optimistic." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:33 AM Flag
»
What district? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
YES! Very excited for dc. we won;t have to deal with all of this until High School now. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 01:22 PM Flag
»
Anderson? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 01:57 PM Flag
»
yes, dinged from select privates with a 99, but have a safety private with generous FA. Not what we thought going in, but happy to have a nice school. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.24.08, 06:44 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions