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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Be honest...do you prefer one of your chidren over the other(s)? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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No, love both equally, but if one is misbehaving he can be harder to like at times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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ACtually no. I love them both completely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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yes, because one is easier to deal with. But I love 'em both. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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No - I really don't [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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no never even though my DD is driving me crazy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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usually, yes. dc#2 is so sweet, cooperative, loving; dc#1 is, frankly, a PITA. But I still adore #1, just wish she were a little less difficult [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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I love both of them completely, but (in a way) differently. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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yes, but it varies over time which one it is. They each go through 4-6 month cycles of being generally likeable, or generally not. At the end of a year, I've preferred each one of them at some point over the other two. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:44 PM Flag
[ - ] My dad has a job interview on Monday and just called me for advice. I'm happy for him -- but I also wonder whether or not he's a real contender (or if they're just being polite and seeing him -- he had some connections to the co). He had some health issues and his long-time job was too much (he was a big shot) and he has been doing some consulting work, but hates it. I just hope that he gets that it's an accomplishment to even be called for the interview. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.11.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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Why wouldn't he be a contender? Health issues are completely irrelevant because that would be illegal to consider them, and no, I'm not stupid I realize that companies do illegal things every day. However, why would the company know about the health issues...perhaps because of his connections? Just give him constructive advice that will help him ace his interview and hope for the best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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I don't think the health issues will hold him back. I just mean that he's an older man and this position is a bit of a change and it could just be a courtesy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Be honest: do you get tired of reading about people's good fortune on here? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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I've not seen anything like that recently. Do you mean bragging about ERB scores or $5 million dollar portfolios? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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no I take it as an opportunity to learn but when it's done in a snarky way it does irritate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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well i posted below that we have set a date to get married and no one said congrats. but that is the nature of the beast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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np congrats! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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are you OP? If so then what do you mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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no not op [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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it just reminds me that we are really poor compared to other people on here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:02 PM Flag
[ - ] I need advice: I have not seen my Dad but once in 15 years. The one time I saw him was 10 years ago and I initiated it (had a baby) He was not abusive but not a good Dad at all. Pretty much never spoke to me after divorce, was a drunk. Any way I have a half brother who contacts me every now and again. He invited me to his kids first birthday party. I said yes after turning down many other invites. I find out my Dad is going to be there and Iam VERY nervous. I do not wan t to go but feel bad backing out. He has not contacting me in 10 years! He says I have not contacted HIM in 10 years. I just have such anger at him. ANy one btdt?? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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not btdt but I would go. it's a good opportunity to open up lines of communication if that's what you want. if not, then it's a good opportunity to send the signal that you don't want that. either way it is going to be stressful. if you don't want to stress than don't go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I wouldn't go. I haven't spoken to my dad in 6 years and the only time I am going to see him again will be my grandmother's funeral. He has hurt me too much and I had too many years of therapy to let him back in to my life just to disappoint me again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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I am leaning torward not going, do I just say my kids are sick or do I say I don't want to see my father? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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why not just tell the truth and say you are not comfortable seeing him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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I don't know why...I guess it is like saying fU dad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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How close are you with your half-brother? I would be honest with him. That way you can avoid the annual awkwardness and if you want a relationship with you half-brother you can suggest another time to get together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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i agree tell the truth and send a gift. make a date to meet w/out your "father" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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this sounds good [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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My fil abandoned his 7 dcs when the youngest was 12. I married #6. After years of silance we contacted the SS administration and sent him a letter. He was in fact alive and living alone (very fitting) in Tucson. We saw him a few times and dh made his peace. You need to make yours too. gl! You have your own family now don't worry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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make my peace by going? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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yes by all means. If you don't go then he is still controlling you. Free yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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i like this advice... but don't think the bday party is the place to make your peace. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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only met him once [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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I don't think I'd go. You might already have your peace, you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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I would go. If nothing else, you committed to go, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Here's a snack tip: take macadamia nuts and coat them in cream cheese. Then roll in coconut and sugar. Healthy and so delicious! 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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newsflash: macadamia nuts, cream cheese and coconut are all super high in fat. not healthy but delicious at any rate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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puke! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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good fats [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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too much of a good thing - not such a good thing. you could probably eat one or two at the most before your arteries start clogging. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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they're better for you the more you have of them -- I am quite knowledgable about this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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healthy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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That's what I was wondering. Isn't coconut one of the worst possible fats? It's all a super high calorie splurge. And I am fat! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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coconut is a very healthy fat in it's natural state - it's when it gets hydrogenated and processed that it is terrible for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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OP: quite low in carbs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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so be sure to add sugar! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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you betcha ; [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:02 PM Flag
[ - ] Any chance of financial aid at private schools? one-income family; $225K annual salary. Rent, don't own. No other assets except college savings and retirement accounts. Zip. Three kids. White parents, children are adopted from Ethiopia. (Some debt stemming from the last two adoptions, actually.) Preschools or ongoing... 36 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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There is plebty of financial aid to be had at private schools signed mother of three dc whose dh was Board Pres at our private school [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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I doubt it we got no financial aid and we make $100,000, ironically a friend who is about $70,000 in debt, hasn't paid rent in about 5 months and hubby is "self employed" got a free ride at one of teh best NYC schools so I guess if you pay your bills and rent but don't quite make enough to afford private school you SOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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$100k should get you 90% of aid. You just applied to wrong schools or they didn't want to accept your dc, so no money was given. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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I guess wrong schools but just out of curriosity do have to reapply every year for financial aid, so one yer you could get a full ride and another year have to pay like $15,000, do people ever have to leave a school because they are not given enough fiancial aid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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No, schools know they're committing to 13 years. Unless your financial situation changes significantly, FA won't change. If you get $10k in raise, they know you pay tax first, then some living expenses. Your FA amount might be reduced by $500 to $1000. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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interesting... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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np--Yes, you apply annually for aid. School aid generally matches the previous year if there are no changes in a family's situation. Our aid has increased to match increases in tuition. Financial aid is not awarded on the basis of diversity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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Right, if a sib is born, that will affect FA, too. (more FA for more kids). If they raise the tuition by $3k, you'll be expected to pay additional $ but they will apply the same % of discount. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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yep. have more kids, and you might get an even bigger handout! yeeha! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:19 PM Flag
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BS. Plenty of schools w/dcs that are very welcome and families well liked but they don't get FA when they apply because most schools don't believe families earning 200k need FA if there's just one kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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They applied to wrong schools or they have situations you don't know about. I agree that $200k should be able to afford 1 tuition, BUT that is my opinion and not the school's opinion. I agree most schools - it'll be tough but OP has 3 kids. If the kid is smart and they really want them, they will find a way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 09:08 AM Flag
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Yes, FA at $$$$ schools cap at $250k. You got 3 kids. Plus, they are adopted from Ethiopia to boot. Not sure how much you can qualify, but definitely, you could apply for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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Actually, it is 250K for one kid, for three it is a lot higher & her kids have diversity that the schools want. She definitely could get a lot of aid, especially if this is a dual income. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 04:46 AM Flag
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^^^^ I didn't see that it was a one-income family. You'll still get aid, but not nearly as much if that was two incomes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 04:52 AM Flag
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OP: So how does it work? You apply for admission and FA concurrently? Does one affect the other in terms of admissions? It would never have occurred to me to look into this with DH's salary, but a df pointed out my kids bring some diversity to the table. (It also hadn't occurred to me to push their race, either...) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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You have to indicate on the application that you want FA. You can't apply after dc is admitted. I don't think it'll affect admission no matter what these people say here. Because vast majority of families who apply to privates do not ask for FA. Those who do ask are a minority (small one) and matches % of dc's accepted in K. There may be several factors. But if dc is very bright and no issues, normal parents, then FA won't work against you. You should go through Early Steps, so you can be a bona fide diversity family - schools will make a special note. Of course, during playdate, they can visually see the race of the child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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Applying for aid will definitely limit your child's chances of acceptance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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Keep believing that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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My child receives financial aid (and has for 8 years)and I am familiar with the process. I think you are posting incorrect information about financial aid on UB. There are a few needs-blind boarding schools--St. Paul's and Exeter are examples-- but there is no school in New York City that can accept a child without taking into consideration the family's financial needs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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That is absolutely true, but op should still apply & make sure to do so broadly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 04:50 AM Flag
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so you are involved in one school and have only your view of things. How would you know what really is going on? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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That is true & Early Steps will tell you that. We were told point blank that it did. We still got in, but had fewer choices than if we had not asked for aid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 04:48 AM Flag
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If you need FA, don't bother applying to schools that are not very generous. Apply to schools with lots of money. Find out what % of kids get FA and what is average/median amount. Some schools give little like 10% to many families while some give 80% to few families. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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how do you find out this information? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:26 PM Flag
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at Grace, about 20% of students receive aid--average grant is over 19K. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:31 PM Flag
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Some info is in the Goldman book, some in school's website/brochures. Helps to know someone inside. Ask here also with specific school names. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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What if you're in a school but your financial situation changes after 2 or 3 years there and you need aid to stay at the school? And what about applying into later grades? Is it possible at all needing FA? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:47 PM Flag
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Its actually easier to ask for FA once you are in the school a few years, assuming you & your dc have made a good impression on the school & are not PITAs. Any good school thinks of its students as a committed community & they will invest in your dcs as a known entity that they want to keep. It is also easier to get FA in middle or high school since the k-12 schools don't like committing to 12 yrs of FA right off the bat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 PM Flag
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I have found out that if you make a good impression, and they want you, they will work with you.(I'm not talking about your kids either.) I got my dd into a program for free (make less than 100K), while a friend in a similar financial bracket did not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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Are you talking about an elementary school? I think all schools require some contribution from families at that level. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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Probably not. Unless you have very young children, schools will either expect both parents to work or add a projected income for the non-working parent to the household total. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:23 PM Flag
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OP: This seems strange to me. What is very young? I have a 3 and 5 year old, also a 9 year old. I've stayed at home with them and will continue to do so in large part because they are adopted (2 at an older than baby age) and feel they really NEED a mommy more than the family needs $$ mommy can make. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:46 AM Flag
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I think your family income is way too high for financial aid at the preschool level. I also think you've made choices (stay-at-home, number of children adopted) that make it harder for your family to receive aid from ongoing schools. Your family sounds interesting, and you can certainly apply for financial aid, but I would have a good backup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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When the three year old hits five they will add an income for you if you still choose to SAH that is the way it is. You will still get aid at that income, even if it is only one income, because you have three children it may be substantial. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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Not OP, putting aside all the other factors, why would the choice of having adopted 3 dcs from Ethiopia cut against her family in the FA application? I don't understand. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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FA is tricky. There is not formula really since all schools are different. I think you lower your chances of getting in significantly if you apply. Even if you don't apply, the schools can take a gander at who may decide to apply in a year or two after admittance and will not take the chance on you. All this being said, we did manage to luck out and get FA at a school that was not where we thought we would end up. But, still we are happy since we did not get any g&t spots. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:33 PM Flag
[ - ] great news ladies we set the date to get married today! I am over the moon!! 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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not even a word? why am I not surprised? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! now go to a bridal site and blog and you will bet a much better response! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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yeah...congrats to you and future dh!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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hey congrats! Will you have a big wedding (platinum bride anyone?) or family gathering? My dd is 20 and I'm beginning to dread this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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congratulations! (I have to say I didn't understand your post at first.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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Nice. She complains about not getting a response and then absconds without acknowledging any of the posts. Typical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
[ - ] my brother and SIL are the worst parents ever...it breaks my heart. I can't even stand to be around them...just venting. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.11.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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couldn't be worse that my dh's ex. she just fried her daughter's kitten in the dryer on Monday. scarred her for LIFE! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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On purpose? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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no not on purpose but shit you have a kitten plus two other cats in the house and throw wet clothes in the dryer w/out checking. reckless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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left my nephew w/ a friend who's boyfriend is a convicted child molestor, but friend promised he wouldn't stay the night but how would they (bother & wife) know they were in LA at a rave all drugged up on ecstaty, makes me sick. Needless to say my kids are not allowed over there [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:47 PM Flag
[ - ] OH YEAH!!! Got off the waitlist at a TT school! Thank G-d for universal Pre-K!!! 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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For K? What does universal Pre-K have to do with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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congrats to you and your kid!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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NP: The spot is for pre-K ovbiously that's why universal pre-K is relevant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Trigger: TTs and Hunter end up wanting the same kids. Boys or girls. I think they are very aggressive with FA (seems merit based for these kids)... There is a "profile", if you will, of kids who make it to Hunter. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.11.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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that profile is?? what does hunter have to do with financial aid, anyway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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TTs give aggressive FA to kids whom they believe fit the profile for Hunter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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Financial aid in elementary school is based on family's income and assets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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It's not purely based on need as you think. It really isn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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Majority of families receiving aid are white. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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I know that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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Lots of people don't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:37 PM Flag
[ - ] is it too passive aggressive to sign my brother's birthday card: hope to see you soon-- my kids miss your kids. It's honest, but my sil and I have had a strained (totally waspy passive aggressive) relationship. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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I think, its' great kinda of breaking the strain but only slightly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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i would sign the card however you feel like signing it. if she's P/A it doesn't really make a difference she is going to find a way to have and "issue" with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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op: [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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op: but I'm totally pa about her too. I can't lay it all out pn her plate. Although the fact that my kids really miss his kids is absolutely true, I am unable to express that in a non-pa way, and there's also a mean little part of me that wants to dig at her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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you guys are sick! just go at it then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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np... i tyhink she's honest. most people feel similary, but pretend things are fine. there's a difference bt feeling a certain way and doing it out of spite. fwiw, op, i'd say something more along the lines of "Let's get all our kids together soon." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Why is is that people say a school lacks diversity when a school is predominantly non white... e.g., in a post earlier today someone lamented a school was not diverse because its 5 W 64 B 30 H 2 A. Another school about 10 blocks away in the same neighborhood is 62 W 18 B 16 H 5 A. The biggest difference between the two is that one is 62% white and the other is 64% black. 80 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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Are whites considered a minority though? come on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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Whites are not considered a minority. The point is that the school that is predominantly black is the one that neighborhood parents complain lacks diversity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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np; diversity by definition means a mix. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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And both schools have a mix. Its just that there is one dominant race in each school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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NP: Whites are not considered "minority" in the vernacular, however, they are the minority in the public school system. all of the G&T magnet programs that were created in the 1980s and 1990s were created to integrate the schools, meaning they were funded to stop the white flight from the public school system. Even now, while students make up only about 20% of the NYC public school system. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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I think most people want diverse student body. 1/3 white, 1/3 AA, 1/3 Asian and Latino or something like that. Many parents in Harlem don't want to send their kids to 99% AA schools, either. They want diversity, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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Yes, and the diverse schools will become fewer because of the new no changing district rules. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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^^^ and I never hear anyone ever complain about the other school's lack of diversity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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I assume we are talking about PS 198 here and possilby PS 6? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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OP - no PS 321 and PS 282 in Bklyn. But somehow I don't think what I've observed is unique. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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this is exactly the case with PS 198 and PS 6 with almost the exact percentages you used, but I have to admit that it makes me a bit hesitate to send my very fair white child into a school where she would be the minority [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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np: ooga booga booga! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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PS 39 is actually diverse, btw -- about a third each black, white and Hispanic (few Asian, though) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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I owuld want my DC to be the only one white kids in the class which so it isn't very diverse if that was the case [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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would not ^ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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I don't think OR is very bright. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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what is OR [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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Did all the above posters present themselves this way in parent interviews, tours, orientations or other Q&A opportunities at schools. The view of diversity as a purely racial aspect is SO ignorant and perpetuates and intensifies the divisions our children will get sucked into, or spend a further generation struggling to bridge. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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this is true but it is also very real and therefore cannot be overlooked [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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I don't overlook it; believe me, yet it's really damaging to ignore the exclusion of geographical, cultural, spiritual, economic and educational diversity. There's such a flamboyant comfort on this url with using terms like ghetto, project kids and is openly, often "us and them". I am the neighbor you'd "pass for white" (and have to my face)and make me feel ill. Dear "Let US have our code words and leave US alone.", No one would have your back if you were in any non-virtual room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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But it's equally ignorant to assume a school is diverse just bec they have a mix of all white families (diff occupation, international, gay vs straight, etc). Look at out city. The city is not 99% white. There are black gay families and black artists and black internationals, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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I don't think a school is diverse just because of a mix of white families that is not diversity at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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There are few, but private schools that actually match their published numbers in terms of racial diversity (imo is important). SHSH, MCS, Dalton, CGPS and UNIS come to mind but there are probably others as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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Well this website IS 99% white... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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How would you know that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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Because I can read with decent comprehension and am not white. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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Huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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ah. it's called prejudice what you are applying here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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Hey, I know...Let's initiate one of the UB faves-A POLL! A race poll! List the following: Age, Race, HHI, Level of formal education, Sexual Orientation, Property Holdings(Incl Rent/Own,Annual Taxes, Monthly Mortgage/Maint/Rent, # of kids and whether attending Private or Public,Occupation and Net Worth. Oooh...Friday Night! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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You're drunker than I am. :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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I don't drink but I did get myself worked up to a real stink here; I'm sorry. I've got to quit this site because I get so pissed off here... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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Why are you getting pissed off? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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On the broad spectrum, it's disheartening enough to experience how little progress has been made. Locally, on UB, there are so many posts, particularly on 'schools', [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:05 PM Flag
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it's really obnoxious to read so many barely tolerant posters, posturing as supporters and cravers of diversity- to a point. I get pissed at the crappy format, which disables me from addressing whom I intend to address and I get pissed at me, for getting sucked in. Surely, some actually conscious, responsible, hopeful folks check in here- but they seem to be the first to check out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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I agree. But for some crazy reason I feel like I can change people by arguing in favor of minorities and against stereotyping. Totally ridiculous I know. Ultimately, I am saddened by people's sentiment on this board and am really glad we're out of the City and that my kid won't be subjected to kids whose parents feel this way about people of other races, economic status, etc. The "honest" opinions expressed on UB are genuinely sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:18 PM Flag
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Yes, it's too easy to be 'mean right back' and makes me feel really stupid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:23 PM Flag
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OP here: While in I'm saddened by the "honest" opinions expressed on UB - at least there is a place where people can express themselves honestly. It reminds me at time that there are many people who can't get past the color of my skin and that of my dcs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:56 PM Flag
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I hear what you're saying, but honestly, I don't want to be reminded. I actually enjoying living in my world out in the burbs where my friends are my friends and I genuinely believe they don't care about superficial things like the color of my skin and my child's skin. I believe that many people have progressed beyond that, but NYC has not. It mistakes itself for being a liberal place when in reality it has the most stark stratification especially by race compared to other places. If you look around Manhattan so many of the service people are minorities whereas in suburbs outside of the City, you find a lot more minorities who are middle and UMC. Maybe I'm living in a dream world, but that is my perception, and I am much more comfortable in that world than the NYC/UB world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:01 PM Flag
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I live in NYC and sometimes I like to pretend that the world is color blind - the reality is that it isn't - and I don't think that these opinions are limited to those in NYC. Don't get me wrong - I think there are many people who try to look past color - but are stuck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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I agree that they are not limited to NYC, but NYC people love to talk about how liberal and open-minded they are when its not any more open-minded than some other places (i.e. the burbs which are often trashed). But you are totally right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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Do what you can to raise your dcs to see past color and to look at character and try to do it yourself. Sometimes the comments from the UB posts are annoying but don't let it get to you too much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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You're right, and I do. It's been relatively easy to do this because of the people I've surrounded our family with all our life. You're right I shouldn't get sucked into the UB pit of hatred which is thick with ill will on many levels, certainly not just race. It's not an accurate representation of how most of the world feels at all, but when I come here it does make me focus more on the negative than on the positive. And honestly, I do believe that most people are more progressive than on this board. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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you sound like a sanctimonious a$$hole [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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You're right there are many different facets of diversity - but that the stat provided are those provided by insideschools.org and posted earlier today when someone was lamenting about the lack of diversity. They weren't talking about socio-economic diversity, diversity of family composition or anything else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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Just let us have our code words and leave us alone [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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White Much??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:50 PM Flag
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Why not be open about what you're really taking about rather than use thinly veiled code? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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Look, hardworking regular people just want good schools [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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Bingo - and just because a school is predominantly black doesn't mean it isn't good [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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I live in a 50% working section 8 blding (and probably higher than that on my block/neighborhood), and one thing I've learned is that every single one of my neighbors is hardworking too--what I worry about are the educational differences between us that have allowed me to teach my child more prior to the age of four. I don't want her sitting in a classroom waiting for other kids to catch up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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Ok I don't my child to be the only white kid in the class...period and I don't think that makes me racist it is probably the same feeling an AA get when they are the only AA in a class too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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But to get back to OP's point that's not the same as "diversity"... if the school is, say 40% black 30% Hispanic 25% Asian that's much more diverse than most schools. ("Diverse" means having a variety, not an even balance between white and "other") [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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Don't be defensive -- no one said you were a racist - why not just say I don't want my dc to be the only kid of his race in the class. It bugs me that lack of diversity is code word for too many black people [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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I was being honest by not tip toeing w/ my race [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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Yes on UB - but would you be so honest in public? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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hmmm...to certain people yes but not to the obvious people it might bother [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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yet, many AA kids do end up being the only black kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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I think AAs are more willing to get past race if they think it is the best they can do for their dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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Exactly, because we don't have the LUXURY of worrying about being minorities. It's true my parents did whatever it took, and I will do whatever it takes to have my child get the best education. But I have seen people on this board hem and haw about good G&T's because their child would be the white minority. It cuts both ways, and honestly there is a strength and confidence that comes from being a minority (be it the only woman, gay, black or white) in a situation. Your white child can benefit from the experience, just as I have benefited from being the token black child. (BTW, I'm not saying you should put your kid in an underperforming school, but I see no harm in putting your child in a school that's recognized as academically strong even if the only non-black child.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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ITA - I had to catch myself from being sucked into not liking the neighborhood school because other parents were lamenting about the lack of diversity - it occurred to me that they were talking about me and my dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:59 PM Flag
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No, we just accept it and move on, if it means we'll get a good education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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how many times are you going to post this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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As many times as I want to have the discussion. Don't like it - move on to the next post.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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you're boring. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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You're ent-white-led [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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I think it's kind of funny that for private schools, diversity means fewer white kids, while for public schools, it tends to mean more black kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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this is very true and very funny [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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5 W, 64 B, 30 H, and 2 A sounds pretty good. I don't get why Latino kids are counted as H anyway unless they're indigenous. Why do we even have race anymore? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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Indigenous would be Native American. Hispanic means of SPANISH origin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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I was thinking of South American Indians. Why wouldn't "spanish" kids be classified as W? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:00 PM Flag
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Typically they are classifed by race as well as Hispanic. There are Hispanic whites and hispanic blacks.. Not sure what DOE does on their school applications though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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They ask parents to check off a box. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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i think people want diverse schools, but ideally they also want schools that reflect the racial makeup of the city. in manhattan, that's roughly 54% white, 27% hispanic, 15% aa and 9% asian. (the reason it adds up to more than 100% is because some census takers identified themselves as more than one race.) so to me it makes sense that the second school you mention is preferred by more people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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while there is a lot of huffing and puffing about racists on this thread, this is actually the correct answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:18 PM Flag
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np - I disagree. White people want their kids' schools to be majority white. They do not want to send their kids to a school with fewer than 55% white kids and preferably more like 70% white. Absolutely nothing to do with "the racial makeup of Manhattan". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:27 PM Flag
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nnp. don't speak for all white people, because this isn't me. do i want dc to be the only white dc in the class? no. would being in the minority be a problem? no. but i agree with poster above. in a perfect world, i'd want dc's class to reflect the world around him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] I want to apply for my daughter to enter preschool in September 2009. Is there anything I need to do in advance of calling the schools I'm interested in on the day after Labor Day? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.11.08, 05:21 PM Flag
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some schools have the application available online (if not now, by LD) -- don't make yourself look stupid by calling to ask for something you can just print out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:28 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone use ped sol zimmerman? my 9mo needs a ped, and he was recommended. looking for more opinions...tia. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:15 PM Flag
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yea, I use him, hes great. long waits tho. truth is I like everyone in the practice. I agree with his parenting methods, he is very conventional and conservative and that jives good with us, so weve been very happy with both our kids (who like him too) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.20.09, 05:24 AM Flag
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