• Filter the conversation
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Has anyone tried Masterclass? There is one class I want to watch but I don't want to sign up for the whole year. I'm wondering whether it's worth it. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 11:50 AM Flag
»
I did this for my kid. While she really enjoyed the class she took, neither of us ever watched anything else. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Any therapists on here who can give me advice? Recently I have really been struggling with realizing I probably didn’t pick the best DH for me and I overlooked guys who were probably better matches and are also significantly more successful now because those guys weren’t ready to marry and have kids and I really felt anxious (I was in my very late 20s). We have 3 amazing kids and he is so kind and treats me so well but intellectually doesn’t challenge me and not as successful or career minded as those other guys I didn’t have the patience for. I’m not interested in getting divorced but how do I deal with this deep sense of regret and just move on. It has been keeping me up at night and isn’t healthy. I bet deleting Facebook would be a start? 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:40 AM Flag
»
You don't have to be a therapist to tell you to delete Facebook. It is all fake and I would focus on the fact that the super ambitious guys probably wouldn't have been good husbands or fathers. Like the movie says, they also just weren't that into you. I know more than one guy who my friends broke up with over this and they next year they married someone else and had kids. Everyone looks better when you only remember the good things. You have a great DH. No one fits every need. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:44 AM Flag
»
Thank you! Great points. No the guys I am mulling over were really into me And dedicated but just younger more immature , in the stage of applying to grad school etc, whereas I was set on wanting a guy whose career established /not floating around still / was ready to settle in the burbs and have babies. I don’t know why I was in such a rush! But yeah everything looks better in hindsight and if I had taken those routes there may have been separate problems. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:52 AM Flag
»
There WOULD be separate problems. Focus on the part where you say he is so kind/treats you well/you have 3 amazing kids. THAT is the dream! That is all that matters. Really. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:44 AM Flag
»
FB strikes again! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:49 AM Flag
»
Op haha. Ughhhh. I need to stop looking up old flames i denied for DH. They are all looking pretty good on Facebook right now. I AM talking about the ones who would have committed to me. But we would have been poor In the beginning and maybe started later with the babies. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:55 AM Flag
»
Everybody looks good on FB. It's all bullshit, what they want you to see. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:04 AM Flag
»
I had one of those guys who wasn't ready to marry and have kids for nearly a decade so those timetables ended up late in life. And guess what - he still turned out be a bad pick because he NEVER was going to be ready for anything. At least your DH is kind and treats you well, my EX didn't and I spent a lot of money getting out of that marriage and our kids have divorced parents. Grass isn't always greener on the other side. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:03 AM Flag
»
Thank you for your perspective. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:14 AM Flag
»
Don't borrow trouble. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:10 AM Flag
»
+gazillions, OP is looking for trouble and undermining the good person she married while fooling herself by continuing to believe those other guys were really into her, she needs to get back to her reality, which sounds pretty good, ASAP [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:57 PM Flag
»
you have 3 amazing kids, and he treats you so well and he is so kind...and you are complaining?? do you not read most of the posts on here? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:25 AM Flag
»
This. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:38 PM Flag
»
you don't see everything. even if those guys really are successful etc, they might be terrible dads and dh's. they didn't chase you or beg to settle down with you, so they didn't value you and probably don't value their current partners enough to be good to them. reading UB, you can see how messed up some seemingly good relationships are. "career minded" guys tend to be the biggest a-holes [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:34 AM Flag
»
Well, I went to Harvard business school with thislong distance boyfriend ready to propose (now my DH) so I didn’t give these 2 guys who were good friends and also open about their interest even a chance because I could see that settling down with babies would be too far into the future for them. They were awesome guys , and now married and look fo be awesome dads/fathers. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:38 AM Flag
»
Maybe they are/maybe they aren't. Doesn't matter. YOU have an awesome partner. Focus on the things you love about him--kindness being paramount. And don't look back. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:45 AM Flag
»
or here: you have 3 healthy children? lucky you. these women will be lucky to have kids with those guys. I'm struggling to decide whether to have kid3 or not (I would love 3!) and infertility/health issues as you get older are a real thing. Pregnancies and post-partum are also harder. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 08:08 AM Flag
»
If you were really attracted to those guy friend you would have dumped your DH even if it meant not knowing when they would settle down. You are just resentful DH doesn’t earn more. This isn’t about the guys, they are just an escape fantasy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:41 PM Flag
»
Also a lot of those types of guys can by highly attracted to ambition and different types of women before they are ready to settle down and then they go for someone easy who they know they won’t have to fight with over who will please their parents, cook dinner and take care of the kids. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:43 PM Flag
»
Those guys’ wives are probably looking at your photos thinking “god I wish I had a DH that was mature and stable and nice” [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:40 AM Flag
»
Yes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 10:50 AM Flag
»
I recommend starting a gratitude journal of some sort. Each day write 3 things you are thankful for. When you appreciate the things you have then you don't have to spend time thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:28 AM Flag
»
I do believe in the power of decisions that we've made to shape our lives and to give us strength and a sense of purpose. I really don't want to sound like one of those "respect your vows" posters but that "yes" that you said back then still reverberates today. Marriage is certainly one of the most powerful decisions that we get to make in our lives and it has a strength in itself. It's not past - it exists today. So in a way there are no regrets to be had. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 05:38 AM Flag
»
Delete Facebook, get a therapist. These thoughts are the beginning of an important growth stage for you. There is definitely some huge change you need, but please don't throw away an amazing DH for this. Your DH is a unicorn and your dissatisfaction may grow and spread to him if you don't figure out what it is you really need. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 10:49 AM Flag
»
This. You're feeling unsatisfied but aren't saying anything bad about DH. Address the root of the feelings, or come to terms with the fact that a bit of nostalgia for past flirtations and envy are normal. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:16 PM Flag
»
Not a therapist, but don't do this to yourself or your family. A good DH and father is nothing to sniff at. If you want more money or success, earn it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:07 PM Flag
»
Pro tip: the guys who were not “ready” to marry you would have probably ended up dumping you. If you were not a ring-worthy partner for them in ur late 20s, why do you think you would have been a ring-worthy partner for them in ur thirties. These guys were likely never a realistic choice for you anyways. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:30 PM Flag
»
This sounds harsh, but I was sort of thinking the same thing. You don't "pick" a husband. You choose each other. Your priorities, judgement and self-esteem seem a bit off, irrespective of your DH. I think you should definitely get off FB and work on your self-image. What do you do to deserve such a wonderful, kind husband? What do you do to appreciate what you have? Turn that around and I think you may be able to take a more honest look at your choices and your marriage going forward. Just my 2 cents. np [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:44 PM Flag
»
Love this! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:00 PM Flag
»
Spot on. They would have been able to convince you that you were compatible long term to assuage your fears. They didn’t because they knew they couldn’t and wanted to spend the next 2-3 years post-MBA doing whatever it would be to make them as successful as they are now and you would have been miserable. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:49 PM Flag
»
This, I have a friend who married someone very wealthy but only after threatening to leave forever if he backed off. Later found out he postponed the wedding. I think she feels uncomfortable even 20 years later. It’s a crappy feeling to wonder if someone really would have chosen you or not. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:05 PM Flag
»
Those guys could be great, and they could love their wives, but they weren't feeling it with you, your dh was so go with that and work on it and appreciate it. We all have different connections with different people. Your priorities matched your dh at the time. You have three amazing kids. it's a good story. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:47 PM Flag
»
So this. I know several people where the guys just weren't read. But then six months or a year later, they proposed to someone else. So they were ready, with the right person. OP, the reality is, they were not ready *with you.* [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:28 PM Flag
»
Someone on here once said something to the effect of ... "Men are like taxi cabs driving around with their light off. Then one day they randomly decide to turn the light on, and whoever gets in next is their wife." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:55 PM Flag
»
What do those guys do now? Are they married? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:10 PM Flag
»
Cautionary tale: My aunt left her perfectly nice DH for a guy she dated in HS and college. The new relationship didn't work out and her DH remarried. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:20 PM Flag
»
translation. as the kanye song goes -- "I ain't saying she's a goldigger, BUT...: [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:25 PM Flag
»
Didn’t HBS teach OP how to make her own money? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:28 PM Flag
»
Op here - I do make money - I don’t love being the breadwinner. I would like more flexibility without the pressure. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:47 PM Flag
»
Truly understand and shed FOMO. Delete FB, Instagram, Tiktok, Whatsapp, LinkedIn, whatever else is cool. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:51 PM Flag
»
I am feeling tremendous envy of the wealthy. If that included a past boyfriend I actually liked I can see why you would be fantasizing that. Fortunately I don’t have any regrets on that front. See it for what it is - fantasy- and also recognize no one is making major relationship moves now in light of current situation so sit back and make the best of it for now. I’m similar and the pressure to “decide” is not worth it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:00 PM Flag
»
I'm not sure you'd be happier. Grass is always greener. To have amazing kids and a DH who treats you so well is success. Trust me on this. Those other guys didn't care for you enough to prioritize you. Your DH did. I know a lot of guys who are career minded and treat their wives like crap. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 05:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Any tips to motivate (I'm open to incentives) DCs on doing a bit of school work over the summer? Thinking small chunks of math and reading (one DC loves and would do so on her own, other needs pushing). 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:35 AM Flag
»
How old? I think keeping a journal or writing letters--REAL writing projects are good. Maybe writing letters to friends. Reading--buy them books on any topic they want. They get to choose any books--then more likely to read. Math--depends on age. For younger kids--find math in everyday life. Cooking, math games (so many math card games--google), Bedtime Math email. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:48 AM Flag
[ - ] through this whole last few months - series and movies and tv have literally got all of us through it (obviously less so than healthcare workers and essential workers and scientists but after them). I hope no one ever takes creatives or the arts for granted again. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:28 AM Flag
»
I haven’t watched a single minute of TV, unfortunately. I’ve been so busy with work, homeschooling, and cleaning. In my precious downtime I sleep. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:30 AM Flag
»
ok. I also have all those things. sorry you haven't had tv time but it's helped me! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:40 AM Flag
»
Me too!! What are your favorites?? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:57 AM Flag
»
schitt's creek, the good place, space force, new queer eye, hannah gadsby, new seinfeld are just some - so grateful for humor! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:09 AM Flag
»
There's about to be an entertainment hole. The film industry hasn't been able to work on anything new for months. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:17 PM Flag
»
There is so much content that they can resurface. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:49 PM Flag
»
I've been watching The Sopranos. What an amazing series. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:17 PM Flag
»
+100, though I think it went on a season too long. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:29 PM Flag
[ - ] At the end of the rope with my 14 yo DD. Lashes out if she doesn’t get what she wants - everything is war. Especially when it comes to screentime. We aren’t the strictest or the most lax parents around. We get days of silent treatment if we don’t acquiesce. Any suggestions? :(( 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:03 AM Flag
»
Yes, set the rules. your house you are the boss [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:12 AM Flag
»
What a dream, a 14 year old that is silent. Thank DD for the privilege of quiet. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:20 AM Flag
»
lol [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 10:50 AM Flag
»
agree but it is toxic quiet. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:57 PM Flag
»
Is school still going on? If so, I would ignore her silent treatment and try to muddle through until the year is over and stress is down. Then, I would try to sit down with her at a good moment and hear her out: her concerns, fears, what does she use the screens for (movies, communications with friends). Rebuild a rapport and agree on some mutually acceptable parameters. I would be honest about the impact she has on the family: when you do x, we feel y, etc [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:32 AM Flag
»
Enjoy the silent treatment!!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 11:18 AM Flag
»
treat it like toddler tantrums. ignore the silent treatment; when she wants to talk, she will. and also maybe try to find a family activity she would enjoy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:36 PM Flag
»
She wouldn't even engage. This has been going on several days now. It's like "are you giving me what I want? No? OK I'm not talking to you" [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:58 PM Flag
»
Then ignore her. May be try to Live your life as if she was not here. Laugh, make good food, put on a good movie on. She thinks she has power over you and your emotions. Don’t let her know this. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:24 PM Flag
»
Thank you. I am beyond sad and this helps. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:56 PM Flag
»
Ignore her, model good behavior, enjoy the silence. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:29 PM Flag
[ - ] My DH lost his job. i have no emotional support other than my sister whom I am very grateful to have. kids are fine. we are healthy. we have 6 months emergency fund. but looking at the real possibility that he wont find another job that will pay for our high fixed costs. my job (in law enforcement) is no longer valued. so. well. maybe we just pull the plug? 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:18 AM Flag
»
You got this!!!! We value you in law enforcement....What is you DH work field? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:20 AM Flag
»
big law. now. a little smaller law? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:22 AM Flag
»
still kind of shocked. they just kicked him out. like see ya. dont let the door hit you on the way out. we were doing fine. but our house is now worth less than mortgage and [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:23 AM Flag
»
Where are you located that your house in under water? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:42 AM Flag
»
np- maybe he tries for an in house law job? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:24 AM Flag
»
My DH is going through this. Very difficult to get an in-house position if you were a senior associate up for partner. They also really want diversity so if he’s a White guy it will be harder (but he’s not there’s a lot of people looking) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:51 PM Flag
»
Pull the plug on what? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:21 AM Flag
»
Yeah when law enforcement says that it could be bad. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:24 AM Flag
»
I'm sorry, OP. We saw this 10 years ago and it's happening in BigLaw again. I have worked in BigLaw for the past 20 years and have pretty much seen it all. If you want to share what practice area he's in and roughly how much experience he has I can try to offer advice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:42 AM Flag
»
Not OP but my husband is in the same position - has a little over 10 years and is in IP litigation with a tech focus. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:53 PM Flag
»
Downsize, you'll all be happier. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:46 AM Flag
»
hey-thanks guys-- just getting a bottle going over here. we're fighting --he walked out. this is how it ends for us. no worries. things have been brewing for a while. we'll either survife or not. at least my isster has estra room [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:47 AM Flag
»
Maybe you should put bottle down, get a good night sleep and think it with a clear head tomorrow [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:55 AM Flag
»
Pull the plug on your marriage????? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:02 AM Flag
»
You're right, we no longer value paying people to bully society at will. But if you weren't doing that anyway, what's the difference? Aren't you happy that we don't value that? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:53 AM Flag
»
no you are right! I went into law enforcement to help victims of crime and protect the community--but really its about bullying people at will. That's what we do!!!! you are totally right!! we all need to be disbanded. that is the solution. thank you. to think. i used to listen to npr. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:57 AM Flag
»
Please do not insult the many police officers that protect us. You can be pro police and pro BLM. Please do not stereotype law enforcement. My brother is a great guy and a wonderful cop [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:01 AM Flag
»
op here. exactly. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:05 AM Flag
»
The language is wrong, it's not getting rid of the police. It should be reduce and replace, not defund and dismantle. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:04 AM Flag
»
NP: Please do not spew this garbage here. Enough [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:08 AM Flag
»
STOP!!! It's only people who only just started paying attention who are this dumb. I work in progressive politics and have done for years now. for YEARS I have been addressing the issue of police brutality. I imagine you just found out about it ten minutes ago. If you think attacking every person in law enforcement is the way to go then guess what, you are the problem. It is 1000000% more nuanced than that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:30 AM Flag
»
np: +1, ty. I got pulled into a dumb back and forth on the other thread that I shouldn't have bothered with. I said that I didn't think social workers were equipped to defuse violent confrontations like domestic violence and started getting answers like, "So explain to me why so many cops have a DV record," and elsewhere, "Cops commit rape, they don't arrest rapists, their purpose is not to protect people." I dk if it's just a troll but if it is, they're trolling this way for a reason and it's partially because young, inexperienced people are speaking this way on Twitter trying to prove themselves. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:12 AM Flag
»
they are but my advice is just to let people go through this process. The absolute hardest thing is not to take it personally. The number one hardest thing about change is diffusing the defensive mechanism. You have lived your life to the best intentions and hearing 'defund the police' must feel hard and brutal. Try to know that this poster does not speak for all and the conversation is saying 'you are a bad person'. The conversation is saying 'the system is allowing poor judgement to triumph'. It's not you but it must feel that way. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:22 AM Flag
»
*the conversation is NOT saying [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:23 AM Flag
»
OP - 2 things: my dh just lost his job too. It sucks. It sucks for your relationship and it sucks overall. Also you are likely feeling 100% crappy right now. It is NOT that people hate all police - it's that for so long, police have been allowed to behave with impunity and that's not ok. that doesn't mean you did! But a lot of them did. So structurally, that needs to get shut down. But you don't need to get shut down - your reason for doing what you do and your skills remain. we need that. hugs. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:45 AM Flag
»
im sorry, my dh also recently lost his job unexpectedly. he earn much more than i do. im also pregnant. its very bad timing. we luckily have very low living expenses but emotionally hes a wreck. depressed, moping, sulking..its hard. i dont have a lot of patience right now for it. reality is the job market is terrible it is going to take a least a year for him to find something. not sure how we wont kill each other until then. its hard. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 10:47 AM Flag
»
the moping and sulking is very taxing. i have to support him all the time and any little thing can set him off. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:31 PM Flag
»
yes its exhausting. i know in the end he/we will be fine, and these jobs just arent forever (lots of politics involved). he wasnt happy for a long time but seems to have amnesia now. ughhh. sorry. i guess im not very supportive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:28 PM Flag
»
All I can say is hang in there. DH lost his job last year, found a new one earlier this year and is planning to hire a few people soon. It isn’t law but my point is, it will happen. Your DH should be networking a ton and talking to everyone ALL the time. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 11:19 AM Flag
»
thank you. he is talking/networking/interviewing. good to be reminded that a new job is possible [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:33 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm the new "badass" of my building. We're 6 units and half the building is empty. My neighbor texted me in a panic because there was a snake in the yard. He's terrified of them. I expected a garter snake or something, instead this thing was about 5ft long. Poor thing was probably lost so I grabbed snakeo by his middle, used my other hand to support his "upper body", and I moved him into the big garden. If I didn't go to summer camp I don't know if I could wrangle a large snake :) My neighbor is mad I didn't just kill it (!) but he's happy that he doesn't have to look at it anymore. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:15 AM Flag
»
That is badass! kudos [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:22 AM Flag
»
OP: it wasn't venomous, and it probably kills mice and rats. The enemy of my enemy is my friend! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:24 AM Flag
»
Where do you live that there are 5ft long snakes outside of apartment buildings? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:24 AM Flag
»
OP: Jersey City. I'm in a small neighborhood (not downtown), we don't have huge buildings, and there's a lot of green space. We get deer too and, very rarely, foxes. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:29 AM Flag
»
are you sure you shouldn’t have called animal control? That’s not exactly a native animal in jersey City [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:33 AM Flag
»
OP: even if it's paved over we still live in the woods. I think it was an Eastern Racer. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:42 AM Flag
»
Does he call you to squash bugs too? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:17 AM Flag
»
Wow, you are badass [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:52 AM Flag
»
This! Who knew they taught such things in camp! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 04:31 AM Flag
»
What camp did you go to, OP? Is it still open? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 10:51 AM Flag
»
OR: I want someone like you in my building [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:52 PM Flag
»
Thank you for not killing it :) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 03:56 AM Flag
»
You are brave! Good work! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:03 PM Flag
»
Snakes are fascinating animals, aren't they? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:19 PM Flag
[ - ] It is my mother’s 80th birthday next week, we are in Brookyn and she is in Westchester. She is in poor health and has a hard time walking, we have only seen her once in the past three months because of the quarantine. I went and sat in the hall of her condo. Any idea or suggestions to celebrate? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:45 AM Flag
»
Can you make a video montage? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:47 AM Flag
»
Thank you, putting that on the list. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:49 AM Flag
»
np: My son's birthday was a few weeks ago. Someone on here mentioned Kudoboard. It's kind of like evite or paperless post, but you can create a communal card and then ask family and friends to all post video birthday greetings. It turned out really great if you want to try something like that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:06 AM Flag
»
Updated family photos, make a family tree (old people love geneology) or have family members make a video of memories for her. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:13 AM Flag
»
Op thanks everyone looking into all of this [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:47 AM Flag
»
Just saw this: https://vidhug.com/ [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.09.20, 11:03 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have and actually wear their camo pants? I'm deciding if they are cute or maybe just not me. Looking at these. (at least they are cheap) 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:16 AM Flag
»
https://fave.co/37a9iS9 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:16 AM Flag
»
I wear mine a lot but you have to be into it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:16 AM Flag
»
same [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:17 AM Flag
»
I love mine! I'm 33 w/ 2 kids if that helps. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:18 AM Flag
»
Pants like this are not for me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:17 AM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:30 AM Flag
»
Because they are paid links. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:15 AM Flag
»
lol. This is what I always think. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 05:39 AM Flag
»
Especially this one, with so many people "chiming in" on a random brand. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:08 PM Flag
»
Ha! I've been eyeing them up too and I was prepared to share the link if yours were expensive!!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:19 AM Flag
»
Nothing wrong with those. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:50 AM Flag
»
I don't like the faded print or the cut of those, but I do camo in the autumn with a leather jacket but femme heels. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:56 AM Flag
»
Awful [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:23 AM Flag
»
I love mine; came sweats & tights too, but, like any style, it's a personal choice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 11:19 AM Flag
»
^^^(and I haven't clicked on the link) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone leasing a house outside of Manhattan for the whole year? Debating doing this. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:00 AM Flag
»
We are considering two places: Cape for September and October and then November through March in Miami [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:14 AM Flag
»
^ and Miami a house on one of the islands [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:20 AM Flag
»
Just curious but are you doing this to avoid Covid or do you think schools will be remote all year long? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:29 AM Flag
»
Combination. Not Covid fear per se - fear of how it is wearing us down and stressing the kids out (We are also near to the recent protests). The place we would rent would not be suitable for distance learning - we would have to stay in the City during the week and use the other place for weekends only (too small/ no office space). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:32 AM Flag
[ - ] I miscarried last Wednesday at 12 weeks. Ended up in the hospital with extreme blood loss. Just now finally feeling better physically, but emotionally - it's another story. I am struggling to keep it together and just feel like laying low until I get a grip on my hormones. DH's brother and his wife had planned to stay with us for a few weeks. They are moving from Seattle to where we live (east coast) and needed a place to stay. Agreed before this all happened and kept our commitment but it's so hard to act like nothing's wrong and host/entertain this other family right now. DH is doing the bare ass minimum and expecting me to be my usual cheery self. DH's parents now want to come to stay with us too, to see everyone. I also lost a job I loved a month ago - due to the pandemic. So we are under greater financial strain and I feel like I'm going to break. It's just too much. Don't know how to handle this. Would you be mad at your husband? Am I being unreasonable? How do I survive an extended family visit when I feel this bad? Anyone BTDT? Thanks :( 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:20 PM Flag
»
Do they know? Do you care if they find out? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:24 PM Flag
»
1) I would be mad, but the solution to that is to have a frank talk with him telling him what you want/need; 2) You are definitely not being unreasonable and 3) You need to tell your DH that you will join for meals but otherwise he needs to realize that you're not available. You'll be in your room, reading/resting, going for walks while listening to music/podcasts, etc. If he questions you AT ALL get your OBGYN on the phone and s/he can read him the riot act. You need to take care of yourself right now. The cover story can be "she's had some personal medical issues she doesn't want to talk about" and people need to mind their own business [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:39 PM Flag
»
OP: yes, they know. We told family at 10 weeks unfortunately. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:18 AM Flag
»
Then tell them you need to be alone to heal - DH is in charge. Stick to it and don’t feel guilty. Tell the parents you’re not up for a visit yet. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:43 AM Flag
»
I am sorry about your loss. it's a shitty experience and frankly nothing can make it better. BTDT. Your husband cannot possibly understand plus you are dealing with hormones, nothing can be done about that until they get to pre pregnancy level naturally which takes some time. I am assuming you didn't tell anybody about the pregnancy so just try your best, find some alone time. blame the headache or whatever. good luck! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:25 PM Flag
»
OP: we told both families at 10 weeks. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:19 AM Flag
»
I would just tell them and say you need a lot of rest. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:27 PM Flag
»
+1 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:53 PM Flag
»
I'm so sorry! I would absolutely sit my husband down and have a serious conversation about this. Maybe you can find an excuse to leave for a few hours if you find yourself getting upset? I hope there is an end date to their staying with you? If not, definitely get that sorted & communicated to them. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:41 PM Flag
»
^ you know what, I just saw that they know about the miscarriage. I’d like to change my response to a hard no, they need to stay elsewhere [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:03 AM Flag
»
Put your foot down! Everyone get the hell out! Don't worry about stepping on toes - they obviously don't care about stepping on yours. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:45 PM Flag
»
I am with this poster. The offer needs to be rescinded. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:59 PM Flag
»
+2 [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:43 AM Flag
»
Yes! Girl you had to be hospitalized! DH needs to just tell them need your personal space rn [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:01 AM Flag
»
Agree. Circumstances have changed. You need time to grieve and you should think about yourself/your needs and not hurting others' feelings. Agree that they aren't thinking about yours right now. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:06 PM Flag
»
+3. They all know and they’re still showing up? Maybe I’m a jerk but your ILs have no sense. And also, I’m sorry. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:02 AM Flag
»
You are hormonal and anemic. You need a lot of rest. You need to have a very honest conversation with your DH. Depending on your relationship agree that he tells his family what happened. I hate the whole "medical mystery" thing it makes for a weird vibe and everyone finds out anyway. Likely SIL and probably MIL have also had miscarriages/pregnancy loss. There may be more sympathy there than you are giving them credit for. Take good care of yourself this is hard. It may be a decent distraction if they entertain you or even just sit with you. Can the visit be shorter or flexible in length in case you need space? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:01 AM Flag
»
Op: everyone - parents and BIL knows [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:20 AM Flag
»
Oh Honey, You need to sit your DH down and break it down for him. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:15 AM Flag
»
I am very sorry for your loss, OP. And for the job loss, as well. I would get on the phone tonight to explain that you are just too devastated to host and you are incredibly sorry but you need privacy and rest at this time. DH should be the one to break the news to his brother but given what you have described I would be tempted to call his wife and speak with her woman-to-woman. I hope you don't mind me saying so but the sun will shine again. Hang in there. Sending hugs. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:39 AM Flag
»
I would only agree if DH promised to handle everything and you can just stay in the bedroom by yourself most of the time. Even then, if your DH is anything like mine, which sounds like he is, they say they’ll do everything and you still end up doing most of the work. Get a cleaning service, get all the groceries delivered and tell DH to handle the rest. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:47 AM Flag
»
I just wanted to say I am sorry and send you a virtual hug. While I haven't had a miscarriage, I did terminate a wanted pregnancy for chromosomal issues at 14 weeks and know how awful you must feel. I ended up having the perfect child after that - loving, sweet, funny, beautiful and smart - and I wish you the same! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:07 AM Flag
»
Hi OP, your DH, BIL and inlaws seem so tone-deaf that I almost thought that your post must be fake. You lost a child. Nobody should come visit you and bother you. There is no tiptoeing around this fact. Just spell it out to them and stand your ground otherwise this won't bode well for your marriage. I hope that your husband gets to read the comments here and that you gain a stronger sense of self-worth (I'm a dad fwiw). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 05:45 AM Flag
»
Strictly from a physical perspective, you cannot be at 100% yet. Your body is recovering, you lost a lot of blood. So from that point of view, you need to be waited on, not be waiting on others. And emotionally... grief is exhausting. Anxiety is exhausting. Can you tal to your SIL and MIL about what you need? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 01:14 PM Flag
»
Op, I am so sorry for your loss. Since they know, the decent thing for them to do is to ask if you are still up for this. I am guessing they are avoiding the subject because they don’t want to look for another place to stay. How soon were they supposed to arrive? Depends on whether it is a week from now or a month from now. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:06 PM Flag
»
I had a miscarriage at about the same last summer and made the mistake of not opting out of plans with extended family soon after. It prolonged my recovery. If I had it to do over again, I would have opted out of those plans. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:24 PM Flag
»
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had a miscarriage, it is a profound loss and of course you don’t feel like partying. It is absolutely true that your hormones go off a cliff at a time like this, plus the job loss and the added stress of this crazy time. Do what you need to do for yourself and fuck what your in-laws think. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:33 PM Flag
»
I am sorry for your loss. You deserve better from yourself and from everywhere around you. Your primary objective should be self-care, not to be confused with being selfish. You need to process and have a shot at healing, no rushing. Anything else will make life harder for everyone around you. Explain this to your husband calmly. He needs to be on your team, others don't matter. He needs to man up, process his own feelings, face the loss you have encountered and bat for himself and you. Good luck. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 02:49 PM Flag
[ - ] Minneapolis is disbanding their police department. Do you think we'll see any significant change with the NYPD soon? 88 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
 ]
General Topics 06.07.20, 10:02 PM Flag
»
What a great idea, disbanding a police department. Who comes when you dial 911? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 10:45 PM Flag
»
Hopefully someone trained to protect all people [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 10:47 PM Flag
»
this [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:36 PM Flag
»
yes, this, this, this. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 12:41 PM Flag
»
I'll believe this is a good idea when they start disbanding police department in the wealthy neighborhoods... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.08.20, 06:34 PM Flag
»
Oh noooo who are we going to call when we need someone to not solve a rape or a murder? Even worse, who we will we call to ignore domestic violence when one of his "brothers" hits his wife? Gasp, all this shit that was ignored is now going to...get ignored. How awful!!! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 10:50 PM Flag
»
like they help with rape [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:41 PM Flag
»
Of course not, and it why women get raped by cops all the time. They don't exist to stop crime. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:45 PM Flag
»
depending on the reason for calling EMTs, mental health professionals, domestic violence counselors, social workers, etc [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:06 PM Flag
»
Serious question - how is a domestic violence counselor going to get someone assaulting his wife to stop and get out of the house? Or is the thinking that DV, child abuse, etc. will just stop occurring if the police go away because we will also become so compassionate? Please note that these are problems that occur in all communities, not just the over-policed ones, so I'm not making any assumptions about what kind of setting this would occur in. FWIW, I don't know what the answer is, most of American policing is a disaster and people are righteously fed up but this idea that counselors and social workers are going to be able to deal with all forms of violent confrontations in the heat of the moment seems ridiculous to me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:24 PM Flag
»
It is my understanding that disbanding the city police department does not actually eliminate ALL police. It instead shifts the policing to a reformed county police department instead. So in a situation where a violent crime is in progress then an armed police officer would still respond. Here is an article about Camden which disbanded it's city police dept back in 2013: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-06-04/how-camden-new-jersey-reformed-its-police-department [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:30 PM Flag
»
So maybe something like this could work. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 06.07.20, 11:33 PM