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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Generally speaking, why don't mother in laws and daughter in laws get along? Is it b/c the wife thinks the husband likes his mother more? 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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It depends on the women. My mom and her MIL didn't get along because my dad's mom had this sick obsession with him. She treated him more like "her man" than a son..it was sickening. My MIL and I get along but not great. She loves me but is a HUGE pita. I put up with her and give her respect but only could take her in small doses. My sis and her MIL get along great. She hit the jackpot with that lady. I love my sis's MIL. She is so damn great [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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what is great about her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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imo (or at least in my experience) it's b/c there's a sudden and forced relationship. i think it's similar to people who resent having mom friends just b/c they have kids the same age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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for me it's because my MIL looks at me like new meat who hasn't heard all her shit yet... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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LOL! See below - are you my SIL?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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I would like to be ! Do you have a brother I can match up with my sister ? Our mom died years ago so your brother won't have to deal with the MIL thing... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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Nope, my brother is my mother's only precious son. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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how is she keeping him from getting married? does she help him $$? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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He is married, I posted about my mom going after SIL below. It really is the "fresh meat" theory - she [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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my SIL just got married after dating the guy for 6 years and getting pregnant and I thought the shit would calm down for me now that a new body had been dragged in (even though he's a guy) no such luck...ha apparently hung the moon... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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My mom is such a suck-up to my DH. I think bad MILs tend to just go after the women - sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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I think that many MILs have problems with boundaries. I know in my mother's case with my poor SIL it's true. My brother and I have conditioned my mom through many years where the boundaries are and she's not allowed to cross them. SIL is fresh mental meat for my mother - and because they are not blood-related, SIL is fearful of making my mother angry and causing problems with my brother (though he assures her it won't happen). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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I think it could be the insecurity of many MIL have about being replaced. I'm pg with a boy and I'll be damned I will be everything my father's mom was. Total jealous witch [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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Geography plays a role too. My brother lives 1000 miles away from out mother, so she visits two or three times a year, and never for more than 3 nights at a time. It really limits how badly she can get on SIL's nerves. That said, they get along well enough that when my brother's nanny had to leave on short notice to care for her dying father, my SIL called my mother to stay with them for a month and help with their 3 DCs. They are still on good terms, even after that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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my MIL depends on dh emotionally, so when he got married she felt like she was being replaced, or pushed away. She behaves badly in order to get his attention- cries if she feels like he's not paying her enough attention, for example. She's 62 and behaves like a 2 year old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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that's a tough one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:49 AM Flag
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your kids will watch how you treat your mothers (their grandmothers), and then they will treat you the same way some day. so smile, bite your toungue and be polite and cheerful. will pay off in spades [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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np: Maybe. But if mother or MIL is totally out of control, they will think this is appropriate behavior if you allow it. Or, like I did with my mother, they will resent you for not protecting yourself (and them) from a toxic person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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you're right, it's about balance. any abusive behaviour should never be tolerated... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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ittttttttta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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DH's theory is that history repeats itself. He says his g'ma treated his mom terribly. When we were engaged, MIL went on and on about how she'd never treat me the way her MIL treated her. But she is very immature and selfish and whenever she starts being a drama queen she simply justifies it by stating that at least she's not being as bad as HER mil was. The thing is - she IS being just as bad. I don't know - she had a dd and is very close to her so I'm not sure why she is so demanding of me - she just is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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i think some people assume a sort of intimacy in the relationship before it is earned. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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np: wow - itttta - this is very insightful and articulated in a way i've never been able to. i just keep saying "she wants me to treat her like a best friend but she wants to treat me like a servant." your phrasing is much better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:51 AM Flag
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One word: COMPETITION [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:48 AM Flag
[ - ] 2.2 yo ds has been showing some interest in the potty. He'll pee in his small one about 1-2x a day. He'll also sit on the big toilet with a cover and occasionally pee, but mostly he just puts toilet paper in and then flushes. Do I start pushing, switch to underwear, take to the toilet every 30 mins blah, blah. Or can I leave him at this leisurely pace since he's young? Not quite sure he's entirely ready. He doesn't have dry diapers after 2 hrs, and doesn't pull down his own pants. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 06.11.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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we waited (with our dd) until she could tell us when she needed to go. then we went right to underpants ("because they don't make diapers in a size big enough for big girls like you") and did the M&M thing. we did pull-ups OVER underwear for naps and nighttime. she was 2.8 and had been doing the potty-interest/occasional and voluntary potty use for about 6 months. she was trained in about 2 days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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op: thanks. that's helpful info. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:12 AM Flag
[ - ] need a rec for a baby nurse who can work with a mom who is nursing. I have 2.4 yr old twins who will be starting preschool right when the newborn comes along, so I am looking for total coverage (thus the baby nurse, even though I'll be nursing a lot) for the first month or so. TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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this is just my opinion, but you might be better off hiring someone other than a baby nurse. if you are bf'ing, you'll need to have a lot of hands on time with the baby anyway. you might be better off having someone who can help with the older kids as well as the baby. (i needed help when dc#3 was born b/c it was a c-section and i ended up getting a college student who was great with the older kids, had some experience with babies so could hold the baby, take her for walks, etc, and also helped with the household. it was much better for me than a baby nurse that would've just taken care of the baby) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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Not sure if you are looking for someone who will also help with the twins, but most baby nurses won't do anything for siblings. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Heard there was a hysterical comedy fundraiser for PS87 last night. Does Judy Gold's kid go there? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.11.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:06 AM Flag
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who is Judy Gold? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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hysterical jewish lesbian mom comic. Her older dc used to be at PS290--and she arranged for great comedy fundraisers. Her younger dc is now at ps87 --so they get to have the great fundraiser. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:38 AM Flag
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many years ago she worked at the same magazine as me. she was funny - I think she was a temp. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:01 AM Flag
[ - ] i am so nervous. just found out i am pregnant. i have a beautiful 2 year old. However, before her i had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks followed by a D&C. I just so anxious that everything is fine. have the symptoms, implantation spotting, etc. just nervous 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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i feel for you. i recently had a miscarriage and on the one hand i'm am chomping at the bit to ttc again. otoh, i'm really scared. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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I had the exact same situation last month and also dying to try again. It's amazing how many women go through this, but it certainly doesn't change the fact that it's incredibly frightening. GL to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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thanks. my doctor wants me to wait two cycles before ttc'ing again. and ita with you. it's a fairly common occurrence (a miscarriage) but no one talks about it and it's so much harder to deal with than i would've thought. best of luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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Thank you. And I really agree, it has been so much more difficult that I'd expected despite the fact that it apparently happens so often. But, as my doctor said, it doesn't happen because of anything we did, so we need to try not to worry about things out of our control (which is just insanely difficult). And also, the more difficult part of the equation is conceiving, which we have accomplished and will again. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Yeesh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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congrats! I hope for the best with this pg. I know what you mean about being nervous. I'm pg with #3 and am 40 yr old. I was so nervous that I would M/C or the baby would have something wrong. My dh was extremely optimistic and helped me through the paranoid stage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:02 AM Flag
[ - ] ugh, hate father's day now. My father died three years ago, and I still miss him terribly (his birthday is June 16 too, so it's a double whammy in June). I still think of him all the time, how he never knew his latest grandchild, how he's missed seeing them grow, and how they missed out on knowing a wonderful grandpa. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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that's rough. i'm sorry for you. can you try to do something in memory? maybe you can have a grandpa hour where you tell stories about your father to your kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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i'm so sorry for your loss [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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so sorry for your loss. It will get easier and make this day into a great memory for your dc. Bring out the good old funny stories and pics [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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I'm so sorry. My DH's mother (who I adored - best MIL on the planet) passed away 6 weeks after our DS was born and it's just such a colossal shame. We feel everything you just described. Of course it will get better, but it's OK that we acknowledge that it will never be the same, I think. So sorry again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:05 AM Flag
[ - ] DD had nasty diarhea attack last night - went through mattress cover and mattress was slightly wet and smelly - we removed everything from bed last night - what can I do to get the smell out/clean mattress? i'm hoping we don't have to buy a new one 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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can you put it outside? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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Wipe mattress down with Fantastik or similar cleanser. And invest in a good waterproof mattress cover. DS has had stomach flu for a week--constant diarrhea and barfing--and it's been a mess, but it's never gone through the mattress cover. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:56 AM Flag
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Nature's Miracle - at a pet store. Really. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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ITTTTA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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clean thoroughly w/ all stuff suggested above and then pour on some baking soda and let it sit there to absorb odor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:27 AM Flag
[ - ] what are the shoes with the red sole? the ones I see are always very high heels. tx 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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christian louboutin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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just looked them up. I honestly can't conceive paying that much for a pair of shoes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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They are great shoes though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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they make me very very happy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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yes, but there's some knock-off brand on zappos that also has red soles. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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now the angels want to wear my red shoes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:43 AM Flag
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very good ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:45 AM Flag
[ - ] reposting for NYC only--any pediatric dentist recommendations for the UWS? Have to take 2.5 yr old for first visit. I don't expect this to be easy! TIA 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.11.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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That's pretty young. Do you think your dc has caries or cavities? Usually checkups begin around age 3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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not on uws (e 81st street), but my 2yr old dd had 2 visits (initial and a checkup) w/ dr. sara babich and we liked her and the office. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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we use dr. edward piesman on W. 71st. really nice adn gentle and i believe he takes at least some insurance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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I haven't been yet, but my Ped. rec Jed Best..not sure of address but I think UWS 90's or upper 80's [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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^^oops wrong location...however very good reviews for him... 180 West End Avenue Apt. 1D (between 66th St & 70th St) New York, NY 10023 (212) 362-5517 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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Dr. Rob Perrachia on 93 and CPW. he is the best! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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ditto! he's great and such a nice guy. used to go to best but switched. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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my ped brought up the dentist right after dc turned 2. i was told the norm for the first visit was between 2 & 3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:50 AM Flag
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We like Dr. Piesman too. CPW & 71 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 02:00 PM Flag
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we use robert peracchia (sp?) on 93 and CPW 212-280-1700. There are movies on the ceiling that your child can choose, little gifts, etc, so hopefully it would be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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I don't recommend Dr. Robet Peracchia. He is very exprensive and frequently you get overcharged & I showed one his diagnosis to another dentist and didn't agree on it. I switched to another dentist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 02.24.11, 05:49 PM Flag
[ - ] grammar moms: is it correct to say "if this peeks your interest..." 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 06.11.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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hijack-do people lay down or lie down? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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lay requires a direct object and lie does not. So you lie down on the sofa (no direct object), but you lay the book down on the table (the book is the direct object). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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can I lay myself down on my bed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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^^^only if you can pick yourself up and place yourself on the bed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:47 AM Flag
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it's "pique" your interest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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thanks. one more: is this right? "I appreciate your taking time to look at..." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:46 AM Flag
[ - ] 2 month old woke up a couple of times completely wailing. he's not usually a cryer and this was some serious crying - as if someone pinched him hard...what's up? the crying stopped after i picked him up and he "came to" 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.11.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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He's 2 months old! 2 month old babies cry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:58 AM Flag
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op: for no reason? i mean, like wailing. it's not like him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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he was in a happy warm soft place and now peopl are touching him and he's sleeping in a weird place and there's light and noise and all sorts of stuff... I'd cry too... It's totally fine... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:12 AM Flag
[ - ] no flames pls--planning an apartment combo. Have 2.4 yr old twins and #3 due in late August. Architect came up with beautiful plan for combo (despite an unavoidable awkward connection between the two apts). The result would be a master bedroom at one end, and the kids room on the complete other side of the apt. (2500 sq ft in total). Twins will be 3.5 and baby will be about 1 yr old when combo is complete. Will the split bedroom situation be a nightmare for 5 yrs or so? It is the best solution for the apt overall, just wondering how much suffering they'll be for sleep deprived mom in the middle of the night. TIA 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 06.11.08, 06:32 AM Flag
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I'm confused (sorry) are the kids going to share a room for a yr? Is this your worry? If so don't. My kids share one room and it has never been an issue. I just put the nb in the room once she was sleeping through the night [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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no. sorry for the confusion. my concern is being on the opposite side of the apt when kids are basically sleeping through the night--except for when they are sick, have a nightmare, wet the bed, etc. Lots of calls for mom to traipse across in the middle of night, and a little worried about tired little feet running the length of the apt (through a play area and mudroom type space) to get to us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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gotcha. My sis has the kids on a diff. floor and she uses her monitor. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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We are in a house with our room upstairs, kids rooms downstairs. It was difficult until DB was 2yo, now is fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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^^^I actually worry a little more when they are teenagers - it might be too tempting to try to sneak out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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No such a big deal, plus a more desireable layout for when you sell. If you can, put an extra bed in the baby's room. this worked for us, because in our 2 br, the baby's room also is the guest room and office. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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how far apart will that be? i'm not a fan of leaving kids unsupervised. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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They'll hardly be unsupervised. My concern is for nighttime only. I'm around almost full time, my dh does not work too late, and we have help. We'll have a monitor, and while it is a big space for NYC, it is still an apartment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:55 AM Flag
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if it's still an apt, then i wouldn't be concerned. b/c my biggest concern wouldn't be my going back and forth, it would be for the kids to get out of bed without supervision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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I guess we think that if they get out of bed w/o supervision we'll hear/see them on the monitor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:04 AM Flag
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np: ditto. get a gate for the older toddlers' bdr door so they can't just walk all over the place in the middle of the night. if they call you, YOU go to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:07 AM Flag
[ - ] What's a great first birthday gift for a little girl? $50 budget. Have time to special order. TIA 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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how old [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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One year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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books. or a pushing toy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:51 AM Flag
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Doll stroller. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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doll stroller. or personalized towel from lands end-perfect fo beach or for playground [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:09 AM Flag
[ - ] Wow. Claremont hired 10yr Dalton upper school head to run its upper school. And 92nd St. Y Director of Camps to run its after school program. 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 06.11.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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they hired First Pres. teacher for the last 10yrs to the 3's to be the 3's teacher this coming Sept. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:29 AM Flag
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They are walking the walk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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they are showing the money [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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what is the new after-school program director's name? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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Who from dalton? Lisa Waller? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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Huh? Head of Upper School has not quit. She is a parent of an incoming Kindergartener as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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Wow? Why the "Wow"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.11.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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