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06.11.08, 07:06 AM General Topics
24 replies
Generally speaking, why don't mother in laws and daughter in laws get along? Is it b/c the wife thinks the husband likes his mother more? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:06 AM Flag
 

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It depends on the women. My mom and her MIL didn't get along because my dad's mom had this sick obsession with him. She treated him more like "her man" than a son..it was sickening. My MIL and I get along but not great. She loves me but is a HUGE pita. I put up with her and give her respect but only could take her in small doses. My sis and her MIL get along great. She hit the jackpot with that lady. I love my sis's MIL. She is so damn great [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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what is great about her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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imo (or at least in my experience) it's b/c there's a sudden and forced relationship. i think it's similar to people who resent having mom friends just b/c they have kids the same age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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for me it's because my MIL looks at me like new meat who hasn't heard all her shit yet... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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LOL! See below - are you my SIL?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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I would like to be ! Do you have a brother I can match up with my sister ? Our mom died years ago so your brother won't have to deal with the MIL thing... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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Nope, my brother is my mother's only precious son. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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how is she keeping him from getting married? does she help him $$? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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He is married, I posted about my mom going after SIL below. It really is the "fresh meat" theory - she [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:00 AM Flag
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my SIL just got married after dating the guy for 6 years and getting pregnant and I thought the shit would calm down for me now that a new body had been dragged in (even though he's a guy) no such luck...ha apparently hung the moon... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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My mom is such a suck-up to my DH. I think bad MILs tend to just go after the women - sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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I think that many MILs have problems with boundaries. I know in my mother's case with my poor SIL it's true. My brother and I have conditioned my mom through many years where the boundaries are and she's not allowed to cross them. SIL is fresh mental meat for my mother - and because they are not blood-related, SIL is fearful of making my mother angry and causing problems with my brother (though he assures her it won't happen). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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I think it could be the insecurity of many MIL have about being replaced. I'm pg with a boy and I'll be damned I will be everything my father's mom was. Total jealous witch [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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Geography plays a role too. My brother lives 1000 miles away from out mother, so she visits two or three times a year, and never for more than 3 nights at a time. It really limits how badly she can get on SIL's nerves. That said, they get along well enough that when my brother's nanny had to leave on short notice to care for her dying father, my SIL called my mother to stay with them for a month and help with their 3 DCs. They are still on good terms, even after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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my MIL depends on dh emotionally, so when he got married she felt like she was being replaced, or pushed away. She behaves badly in order to get his attention- cries if she feels like he's not paying her enough attention, for example. She's 62 and behaves like a 2 year old. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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that's a tough one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:49 AM Flag
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your kids will watch how you treat your mothers (their grandmothers), and then they will treat you the same way some day. so smile, bite your toungue and be polite and cheerful. will pay off in spades [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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np: Maybe. But if mother or MIL is totally out of control, they will think this is appropriate behavior if you allow it. Or, like I did with my mother, they will resent you for not protecting yourself (and them) from a toxic person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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you're right, it's about balance. any abusive behaviour should never be tolerated... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:37 AM Flag
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ittttttttta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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DH's theory is that history repeats itself. He says his g'ma treated his mom terribly. When we were engaged, MIL went on and on about how she'd never treat me the way her MIL treated her. But she is very immature and selfish and whenever she starts being a drama queen she simply justifies it by stating that at least she's not being as bad as HER mil was. The thing is - she IS being just as bad. I don't know - she had a dd and is very close to her so I'm not sure why she is so demanding of me - she just is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:44 AM Flag
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i think some people assume a sort of intimacy in the relationship before it is earned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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np: wow - itttta - this is very insightful and articulated in a way i've never been able to. i just keep saying "she wants me to treat her like a best friend but she wants to treat me like a servant." your phrasing is much better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:51 AM Flag
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One word: COMPETITION [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.11.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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