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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] what am I forgetting to pack for airplane trip tomorrow with 2yo? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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ziploc bags for dirty diapers, leaky cups, wet clothes. extra shirt for yourself just in case. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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just added to list - thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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tell us what you have so far [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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Benadryl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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New toy to distract the kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 04.06.17, 12:10 AM Flag
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A pack of post-it notes is a great airplane toy at this age! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 04.06.17, 12:14 AM Flag
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Something for you because your kid will be perfect and sleeping or playing and then you realized you now have time to do something by yourself and you don't even have a book. :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 04.06.17, 12:11 AM Flag
[ - ] redneck time out 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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http://www.womensfunnyvideos.com/funny-pictures/RedneckTimeOut.jpg [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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that looks more like "why you don't leave your 10 yo son alone with the baby" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
[ - ] How old were your kids when you sent them to preschool if at all? Was it worth it? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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3yo MWF 9am-1pm..i did this with all 3 dcs. worked out well--i could go running--it's all about me :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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LOL, do you think 2,5 years old is too young? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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depends on the dc...the oreschool I used started at age 3 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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2.8 yo. Yes, worth it. Ds was/is being cared for by a nanny who takes good care of him but isn't exactly intellectually stimulating. I liked that he had good interaction/stimulation for at least a few hours a day. And my ds really like being part of a group. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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3.4 when she started (this past year); definitely worth it, she loves it and is learning a great deal [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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what's the main difference btw. a preschool and a daycare place? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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usually the hours..daycare can be all day. preschool usually just half day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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curriculum [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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preschool is licensed as such and has a curiculum. that said, dd goes to a pre-k that has an after-school program. Half of the kids leave after pre-k, half stay until 6. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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different lisence [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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is there a way to prepare them for the first few days? did you take separation classes or is it all bs? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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is there such a thing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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oh yeah, they would make money on anytning. these classes are offered where you separate gradually from you dc instead of just dropping them off at ps one day... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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in NYC, most preschools have a slow separation period. My friend's dd's preschool in Texas was cold turkey (drop of kid and leave). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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3 yo did 2 2.5 hr sessions a week, at 4 did 3 3hr days. worth it for the social skills and my sanity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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my first went for 3hrs/day from age 3. Second is having a full-day from age 3. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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Somehow a gigantic lie has been perpetrated on the parents of the city, and that lie is: It matters where your child goes to preschool. Almost nothing could be further from the truth. Any expert on early childhood development—a description which would not apply to a teacher or director of any preschool, because it would tremendously overqualify her for the job—will tell you that as long as a preschool is safe, its employees caring and its facility well-stocked, it’s a perfectly fine place to send a three-year-old a few mornings a week. The competition among parents to get toddlers into one of the “best” preschools is much ado about nothing, serving only the preschools, and some consultants and journalists. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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not sure why you felt the need to post this, but OK [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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I don't think parents care about how good one preschool is vs another. It's all about connections. Parents want a connected PSD who will be able to assist them with exmissions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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exmissions? could you elaborate. why do you need to be connected? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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I think that's more common among a certain kind of preschools - but there are differences [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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20 months. Absolutely. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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2.5 Full day. Preschool type learning in morning. Nap in afternoon & playtime. Yes. totally worth it. My kid loved it. Move socializing, more structure, didn't get sick after first months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 04.06.17, 12:12 AM Flag
[ - ] how soon after c-section did you feel comfortable going on the subway? all the stairs.. i'm around 2.5 weeks after. still sore. but dying to start getting back out in the world. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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with the stroller/baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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with dh carrying stroller/baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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around 3 or 4 weeks after I took the subway to get my hair cut. felt fine by then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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I was out and about at 3 weeks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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i think it may be a bit too early for you... I was out for a good month [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Free World Science Festival Street Fair 0 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
[ - ] It was a Saturday night in the summertime and Christy was thinking about me. I would have never known what she had on her mind, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her. She confessed that it wasn't coincidence that brought her to the house and she was prepared. If looks were bait then I was hooked. She dressed to make men panic, but beyond that she was beautiful. Her smile was incredible and she had something terribly contagious in her eyes. Awkward glances and stares filled the room, and before the night ended I knew that I wanted more. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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As a couple early on we were controversial, but entirely smooth. Rumors followed everywhere we went. Keeping a secret became hard when there wasn't a secret to start. It turned out a picture of the two of us had been leaked to the Redskins. Christy was fired from cheerleading two weeks after we started dating. Since her big paycheck ($75 a game) had come to an end, at least the sneaking around was over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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A study published in 2001, led by Dr. Kaplowitz, showed that girls who developed sooner tended to have higher body-mass indexes. It also said that the findings of the early puberty study coincided with a rise in nationwide rates of obesity. THE BOTTOM LINE - Bovine growth hormones are not connected to the early onset of puberty in girls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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was part of a local moms club when we first moved to town but over the past yr have been too busy to be involved and lost touch with most of them. when i had my ds 6 mo ago a couple of them brough food to me, which was so sweet. now another woman who did not bring food to me had her 3rd db and i've been e-mailed about brining her a meal. do i do it or not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
[ - ] was part of a local moms club when we first moved to town but over the past yr have been too busy to be involved and lost touch with most of them. when i had my ds 6 mo ago a couple of them brough food to me, which was so sweet. now another woman who did not bring food to me had her 3rd db and i've been e-mailed about brining her a meal. do i do it or not? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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Of course! Pass it forward. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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tit for tat [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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of course, you have no idea why she didn't, could have had a perfectly legitimate reason [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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oh, good grief. Did you bring food to all of the women who brought it to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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no. why would you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Fra-ffair? (friend/affair?) would you/are you having one? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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how many times are you going to ask this question? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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np: She's trying to coin her stupid term for her ridiculous relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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oh I saw her post and was asking for myself, sorry... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
[ - ] are there any legitimate work parttime from home opportunities out there, and how do i find them? dont really care what I do, but it needs to be an evening/weekend gig. just need to improve cashflow a bit, dont much care what I do. TIA 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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craiglist. Im serious [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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is there a 'work from home' section? how do i go about searching? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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Try part-time. Not sure if there's a work from home section but there might be [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
[ - ] bringing dd to work with me tomorrow. i'm in midtown, any suggestions as to a fun place to go to for lunch? or exploring? tia. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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where in midtown? I brought mine to bryant park merry go round recently [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
[ - ] I know lots of SAHM who act as if they couldn't bare the thought of WOH because only *they* can raise their kids well but secretly they loathe the whole thing. 41 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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you know this how? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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how do you know they loathe it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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op: Because I'm prety good at sizing up their inner life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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oh okay [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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oh, your telepathic. interesting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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ITTTTTA and know many as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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I'm a SAHM and I know that other people could raise my kids but I would rather do it myself, I would miss some parts of the days that the sitters would get to do all the time. And I don't secretly loathe being home, I outwardly will tell you that some days I like it and some days I hate it but right now, this is my deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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op: cool.But not the case for many women I know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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Well, if they are 'secretly loathing' then you really have no clue. Unless they confide in you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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1) it's bear, and 2) who tells you this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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np: Is it really bear? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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It really is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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yes, "bare" is for the bum; bear is for the animal or the verb [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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bare can also be a verb - "bare it all" i.e. get naked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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yes, but I think that's the only context in which it could be a verb [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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why can't both of this be true? i can be doing the thing i think is best, i can be doing it better than i think other people can do, and i can hate every minute of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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op: ITA. But I guess I find annoying because of their smugness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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maybe you're secretly ashamed that you don't like it - lots of us think it's impt work and while it's not always a walk in the park, we do love it overall [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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not ashamed, bummed out but not ashamed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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your language suggest otherwise [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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oh thats me. I don;t think I could handle WOH. I worked until pg with #3, now the idea of going back totally overwhelms me. Staying home isn't the best either--all 3 dcs in school now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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In general, mothers should raise their kids. You dispute that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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op: I'm SAH. But I'm honest about the fact that I don't like it and am not that good at it. Will look to WOH soon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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i do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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np: That's a trick question. Working mothers raise their kids, too. They just have help some of the time. What I would dispute is the notion that it's better for children to have mothers who don't work. I don't think that's true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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the person who is w/ your kids most of the day is the person who is raising him/her - I'm sorry you cannot face this, but this is true [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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eh, in our case I spend more time w/my dc than anyone else. But he does attend daycare PT so I can work, and if my work demands made it necessary to add hours there, I would still be raising him. I make the decisions for his care, I read to him, play with him, put him to bed, wake him up, bathe him, feed him, soothe him when he has nightmares, take him on vacations, discipline him, teach him life lessons, and on and on. I am not in the least worried about the fact that he has other people who assist in that caring process and to whom he is bonded. It's all only positive for him. And what I KNOW is that I'm a better mother because I have a professional life, intellectual stimulation, goals, and an identity beyond the scope of my family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:59 PM Flag
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who are you trying to convince??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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oh, I know I'm not going to convince you. People like you can't overcome your insecurity enough to accept that others' decisions are valid, too. I had a mom like you. I've seen the pros and cons of what you deem to be ideal parenting firsthand, and I made my decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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: ) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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My husband and I are the ones RAISING our child. The person he is with while we are working is simply WATCHING him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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again, keep trying - so I guess I'm just watching my kid too, huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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Nope, instead of "watching your kid" you are wasting time on UB. At least I do it when I am at work, when I am with my child I am interacting with him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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well, mine are sleeping and the house is spotless, so....... I still don't believe you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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np:liar [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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and you sound happy, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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np: i think it's different roles. a woh parent has a more managerial role. they make the rules, set the guidelines, etc. All parents are "reduced" to that role once dcs are in school. B/c the teacher and environment take over so much of the influence. I think a sah parent of a preschool does double duty..the managerial role *and* the hands on role. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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such a funny viewpoint. Wait until you have a teenager. You'll realize that parenting is so much more than being present for trips to the playground. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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you are not going to do a hands on role with a teenager. you aren't going to be doing the nitty gritty. you aren't going to be teaching them to speak nicely b/c you missed the opportunity to teach them if you wait that long. your role is extremely important. but it's a different role [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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again, lol. As a working mom, I can tell you I did teach my kid to speak nicely. And again, wait until you have a teenager. The issues are SO much bigger than that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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my dcs aren't quite teenagers yet but i work with teenagers so i am aware of the issues. my point was that there are two areas when it comes to raising kids...the decisions/policies and the hands on. Once your kids are in school, the issues become bigger but the hands on work gets smaller. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:33 PM Flag
[ - ] "you just continue to find new and innovative ways to disappoint me"-- DH to teenaged ds 191 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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Really shitty thing to say [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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i think it's hilarious. ds got his 3rd speeding ticket [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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NP: Jesus, the guy is not beating the crap out of his kid and calling him a loser. He is DISAPPOINTING him! If you don't think your kids will disappoint you quite a few times in life, especially as teenagers, you're delusional. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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ITA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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PREACH!!!! this coddling parenting baffles me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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because it's hilarious. ds is the type of kid who runs car into the garage door, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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np: Maybe you and DH should try to figure out why he is trying to get attention this way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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maybe he should stop driving so fast, and notblame it in the parents all of the time- I drove fast as a teenager, not to get my distant parents attention, but because I was a know it all punk who believed myself to be invincible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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exxactly. ds is a great kid, no screams for our attention. he just.. drives fast and is not the best driver [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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I didn't say it was the parents' fault. But even your idiotic behavior was probably rooted in getting attention - if not from your parents, then from someone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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speeding is not about getting attention, you know. new drivers, including teens, tend to have really bad gauge of speed... and teenagers are stupid drivers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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yeah, like being in a rush to get wherever I needed to be at that time- were you perfect as a teen? No? Then stfu. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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Sounds like you still have issues! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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Bitter much? I am sure you have perfect children who never get in trouble, you and your dh were perfect kids and have lollipops growing out of your ass. Please, this is real life, and sometimes, saying something like that to your kid is the only way to get through to them. How is that different than saying to a child who has failed a test, " I am disappointed in you?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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My kids are in trouble a lot. Making it about me is not likely to make a teenager care about bad behavior. Punishment and consequences can though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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if you can't see the damage that is done by words and think that people who don't handle it this way are "perfect", how can anyone tell you differently? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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omg you're such a sissie! the damage done by words??? please, fathers and sons have said MUCH worse to each other and pretty sure op's dh was being facetious [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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yes, I'm a sissie. Are you going to beat me up and call me names? You sound like a bully [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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Should he be facetious, given that his son just got his third speeding ticket? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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you don't think the kid knows that his dad isn't happy? I don't see what good it does to point out the kid is a continual disappointment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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why should ANY dad be happy with repeated driving offenses! OMG! CHILDREN NEEEEED TO KNOW WHEN THEY HAVE DISAPPOINTED THEIR PARENTS! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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speakign from my own experience, i was a very good kid who tended to lack common sense. my father's face alone said OP's entire sentiment. and i challenged myself to be more responsible. tough love goes a looong way. had my parents said "that's okay, it's not your fault" i would still be a stupid immature person [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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Are those the only two options in your world? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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I have a diagnosis: teenager [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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lol, exactly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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Perhaps, but from his father's self-involved response, I doubt it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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LOL, please, raise a teen. just one. juuust one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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I am. And he's far from perfect, and so am I. But this DH's comment is really telling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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i think you're reading faaarrr to into this. watch a sitcom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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yeah because sitcoms are a model for the rearing of our children...jesus christ, I think I 've found what's wrong with this country! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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You're an idiot. She is suggesting you remove the stick from your ass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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WOW the chip up your ass is astounding. it takesa looooott of humor to get through raising a teen. i for one feel inspired by the dr. huxtable/theo relationship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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how is "You continue to disappoint me" humorous even a little? I'm not saying there isn't a humorous way to deal with things, but you can be angry and stern even in a funny way, without being snarky and belittling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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he said, and i quote "you find new and innovative ways to disappoint me." and if ds is continually acting irresponsibly then saying 'you continue to disappoint me' is something i could certainly imagine myself saying, have heard my parents say, etc. are you supposed to say the behavior is NOT disappointing? grow some gonads, hun! your teens are gonna eat you alive! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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Sorry, you sound like a total bore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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You're going to raise a complete monster. Mark my words. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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Oh gag. YOu are surely raising a coddled entitled little turd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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the people who love to call names are really funny on here. Negative, hateful talk is obviously the right thing in their minds [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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I bet you're fun at parties! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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I bet you think you are fun, but people actually loathe you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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omg so self-righteous! name calling? did you even read OP? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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did you read that she thinks that people who disagree with her are raising "coddled entitled little turds"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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OP didn't say that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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and I was talking about the people who like to call names. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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hateful talk? telling a teenager they disappointed you is the truth! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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OKAY! ITTTTTA! these people have nooooo idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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you are a self-important loser [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I can picture you now. Are you Jewish? A psychologist or someone who majored in Psych at college? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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None of the above. But interesting you went right for the religious slur. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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ita, these people are angry and hateful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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I love how the only two options for them are either telling the kid it's fine that he breaks the law or telling him he is a continual disappoint to them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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if your kid's irresponsible behavior continues to disappoint you, isn't it your obligation to let them know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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I think it's more important to set limits and have consequences for bad behavior. My child would not still be driving after the second speeding offense, me being disappointed in his idiotic behavior gets me nowhere if I keep letting him drive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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you have to really be clear with teens when they're being irresponsible. they honestly don't know. i see no problem with OP whatsoever [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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if you establish an identity for them that depicts them as a constant failure, and let them know you expect them to screw up, you are setting up a very bad dynamic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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sounds like you need to take his car away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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Ditto! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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Wow. He is a crap dad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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what is he supposed to say, "oh it's ok sweetie, i'll take care of it?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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he sounds like a peach [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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ds DOES eff up.. a lot... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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i think it is fine. they probably get along pretty well, and the third speeding ticket is a bit much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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I see therapy in your son's future, or at least a self sabotaging ne'er do well [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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please. stop. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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Oh man, you have issues [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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THIS IS WHAT TEENAGERS DO. sheesh! every month is something new with them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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right, so belittling them is the way to show them you understand that "THIS IS WHAT TEENAGERS DO" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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LOL, lady, i can only pray you have op's level of sense of humor when dcs hit teens. belittling? loving a teen is also abotu reminding them how completely stupid their actions can be sometimes... which is what OP sounds like to me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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The kid's behavior was stupid because he is breaking the law and could hurt himself and/or others. Not because his father didn't want him to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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teens (and all children) need to know when they are disappointing their parents or makign the same stupid mistakes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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Yeah, I well I think OP and her DH should have just taken away the kid's car after the second speeding offense. What are they waiting for? The kid to cause an accident and kill someone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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CALM. DOWN. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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wow, glad you've obviously never gotten a speeding ticket [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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you know, teens do get killed in accidents all the time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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they certainly do, and i imagine op is a aware of this. isn't that part of why the behavior is disappointing? because ds could hurt himself and others? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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I've never got three, especially in a short amount of time. And for damn sure my parents wouldn't keep letting me drive if got two speeding tickets! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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well it doesn't sound like op and her dh are not taking actions against this 3rd offense, but, let's remember, speeding can be going 55 in a 45 zone, so, we don't know if the kid is reckless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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Does that really matter? Even if it's just that the kid is completely selfish and doesn't give a shit about the fines the parents have to pay or their insurance going up. You break the rules, the car gets taken away. Simple as that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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we don't know what the punishment was for the 2nd offense. could be that the kid earned his driving privileges back, what do we know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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ita. To make an impression on him you don't have to tell the kid he's a contant f-up, you just have to tell him he's taking the bus for the next 6 months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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but when your kid does someting stupid, or establishes a stupid pattern of behavior it's appropriate to tell them how stupid their actions were AS you are punishing them. believe me, they won't get it otherwise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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I just believe there is a difference between telling your child their behavior was unacceptable and telling them they continually disappoint you. The difference in those two approaches matters to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:31 PM Flag
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ehhh 3 times speeding, i think you can let them know they have continued to disappoint you and have clearly not learned their lesson [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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Grow a pair of balls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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ITTA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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You are INSANE [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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I hate this kind of negative crap, and it only gets worse, as your son will provoke it in response. You all need therapy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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You are an idiot. What would you like her DH to say? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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that he's going to have to take responsibility for his actions, pay his own insurance, lose his license, what ever. But this kind of thing, where the son is a continual disappointment, always the f-up, is not good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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repeated driving offenses are continual dissappointment, though! what was op's dh supposed to say? "at least you're consistent, son"??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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he should say, you pay for this. He should take away his car. What good is it to tell him that he's a loser? He should tell him that he knows his kid knows better than to do these things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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np: Exactly! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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telling a kid they have disappointed you is NOT calling them a loser. don't you understand that? my parents let me know i disappointed them and i never felt like a loser. it was more of a "we raised you better" thing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:54 PM Flag
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how about taking away his driving priv's? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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i'm sure op had a punishment along with the comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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You fucked up.. You do this again and I will take your license away. You need to learn that there are consequences for your actions. Maybe taking his license away will teach a better lesson than "When I screw up it disappoints my dad" However, if you want your son living his life largely to get the approval of his dad, then by all means continue............. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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oh, i'm sure Op did NOTHIGN to actually discipline the child. right. and in my experience, you have to TELL teenagers that they've messed up and have been irresponsible, which is what OP definitely sounds like [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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saying they are doing something wrong is not the same as saying that they are a continual disappoinment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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a third speeding ticket IS another disappointment though. and it's beyond doing somethig wrong, it's a pattern. and you should certainly let ds know when he's established a pattern of irresponsibility [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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but you don't have to do it in a way that lets the kid know you don't expect any better of them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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um, actually i got just the opposite from OP, as in "you know better, why do you find new ways to disappoint me" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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that would have been a better thing to say [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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to me it's so implied in OP, though. dh was probably trying to have some humorous but stern tone for such a stupid stupid act [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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That's all I'm trying to say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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What makes you so sure he didn't say this after telling him how disappointed he was? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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I can only go on what I'm given [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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Nary two brain cells to rub together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:50 PM Flag
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oh PLEASE sister. you raise a teenager and then come back and tell me your dh doesn't ever throw up his hands [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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I continue to be amazed at the sissies on this site. If you think this is bad, you're truly living on another planet. NP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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half the people on here let their kids hit them and say it is their way of showing affection. Normal people with normal families have better ways of resolving issues. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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HAHAHAHA you are so right about the 'show of affection"! SHEESH, what parent hasn't looked at their teenager and just been like "you have GOT to be kidding me! you CANNOT be this dumb!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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My sister said the other day to her 16 yr old son, I know I did not drop you on your head when you were a baby, so please explain how you thought jumping off the back porch on to the trampoline was a good idea? The conversation was in the er while getting his arm set in a cast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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so breaking his arm wasn't enough for him to figure out he screwed up, it's good for his mom to tell him he's an idiot, in case he doesn't know that already [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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um, mom of teenager, and sometimes, you blatantly have to tell them "this is BY far the stupidest thing you have every done." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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^^i should author 'happiest teen on the block" btw. clearly the sissies on the board don't get how you have to straight talk with teenagers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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np: I think what your sister said to her son is very different than the comment from OP's DH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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not really, actually. i could have said either, btu im not so witty [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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Your sister didn't make it all about her, she made it all about his dumb decision. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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how is OP all about the dad? i don't get it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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He made it all about the child disappointing him all the time, rather than about the kid breaking the law and risking his and other people's safety. I find it really weird that OP's son was still allowed to drive after the second ticket. Driving is a privilege, not a right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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ok, stop pretending to read OP's dh's mind, please. from that one snippet of post you don't know ANY of this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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We know that his statement, and we know that he and his wife let their kid continue to drive after two driving offenses. It's enough to question their approach to all this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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we don't know that there wasn't punishment after ticket 1 and 2.... or how far apart these have been. we're assuming way too much [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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If he's still a teenager, it can't be so far apart, can it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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oh, i don't know. guess he could be as old as 19... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:35 PM Flag
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np I strongly dislike you and your wacked, coddling parenting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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I'm okay with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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OMG she's makign me totally barf. good god i hope her dcs stop growing at 12. a teen will run right over her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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I know how to set limits and stick with them. My kid would not have a car to drive if they got that many tickets. One of my limits is not saying nasty things to people I love. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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I'm trying hard to see it your way but you really don't know wtf you're talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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ditto [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:37 PM Flag
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three strikes you're out sounds like a pretty normal policy for telling a kid you've disappointed me (again). and who re you to call that nasty? telling a teen that they know better and have disappointed you when they act irresponsibly is quality parenting in my book! wow, are you one of these moms who won't tell toddler it was wrong to hit someone because they don't want dc to feel 'shame"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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"you just continue to find new and innovative ways to disappoint me" - sounds like a pattern between the father and son. My brother and dad were locked in a pattern like this, so I grew up around it and it was corrosive. I have no problem telling my child what I think is wrong, but I don't do it in a way that establishes them as perpetually at fault. My dad never got tired of telling my brother about all the bad things he was doing, and my brother loved to provoke him. It's sick, and not necessary. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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raise a teenage son, then we'll continue this conversation. he didn't say "you're gay, you disappoint me" or "you're short, you disappoint me." was he supposed to congratulate him on being an irresponsible driver or act like it wasn't disappointing to get ANOTHER speeding ticket? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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I could be wrong, and they could have a wonderful supportive relationship except for this one remark. But it sounds like it's not uncommon for the dad to tell the kid that he is a loser, and if it is constant, then it's harmful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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telling your kids that their pattern of irresponsibility has disappointed you is not calling your kid a loser. at all. indeed it's telling them you expect better because they can do better. calling your kid a loser is saying "oh, you don't know any better." THAT'S what being a loser means! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:15 PM Flag
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and that's what the OP's husband sounds like he is doing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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itd, i didn't read that from it at ALL. maybe because i had parents who would have said the same thing to me. like "wow, your complete lack of responsibility just continues to reach new heights" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:28 PM Flag
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That would have been a much better statement than the one he made. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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i just find the statements so similar imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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holy mother [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:52 PM Flag
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LOL EXACTLY! this is the kind of tone you have to take with teenagers [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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Ha ha! Don't listen to these losers, that's a funny comment... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:40 PM Flag
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i think it's hilariously bill cosby-esque! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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I am watching reruns of Sir Cosby as we speak (type?) Too funny! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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I realize this is taken totally out of context, but I think it's mean too...and I do have a teen. My dd would be devastated if I told her I was disappointed in her...even if I said it jokingly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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WHAT A SISSY FUCKING KID THEN! omg, teenagers eff up alll the time, and great parenting in my book let's them know you raised them better and that they have disappointed you with their behavior. wow.. where can i buy you some courage? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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np: It's so sad you keep name-calling, especially now directed at children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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seriously. I really didn't know how to respond to that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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she only 15. she hasn't done anything to warrant my saying that yet. and you're incredibly rude [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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devastated that you would tell her you were disappointed? maybe you're not giving her enough credit. you have created a wimp, when i imagine she could handle it like the rest of us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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but isn't the kid supposed to feel bad for disappointing you? okay, devastated might be too strong a word, especially if she knew she had done something wrong. but I would hope my disappoint would have a negative impact [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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i know i felt bad for disappointing my parents. for me this was how i knew they loved me, because they expected better from me and let me know when i wasn't acting as they had raised me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:29 PM Flag
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How old is your dd? Is she really that fragile? Yikes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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i just don't get it. my parents let me know alll the time when i was effing up. had they not told me.. i would not have ever known. a 15yo being devastated sounds reallly like it's the parent's assessment and not the kid's [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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she's 15, she's a good kid and never gives us any trouble (yet). if I found out that she had done something she wasn't supposed to do, then I probably would tell I was disappointed in her, but that statement alone would have an impact. I think what's getting lost here is the way OP's dh said this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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but shes going to disappoint you at some point in her life. and she should know that this is not somethign she should be devastated about-- that she should learn from her mistakes, make it right for herself and her parents, and move forward. this grave fear of disappointment can be completely paralyzing because she IS going to disapoint you-- it's what teens seem to do best [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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but that's not at all about establishing that your kid is a constant disappointment to you and that you expect that from them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:21 PM Flag
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i didn't get from OP that the kid is a constant disappointment AT ALL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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the speeding kid? I sorta did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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(i think it was op) said he was a really good kid, just a horrible driver, hits the garage, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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that really makes a lot of sense to me. so what can I do? I think it's normal for a kid not to want to disappoint their parents', at least this kid [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:23 PM Flag
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very normal to NOT want to disappoint your parents. this is the mark of a GREAT kid, actually. whereas a bush twin does everything possible to humiliate her family. but when the disappointment comes (and it will) she will feel automatically horrible because she's never done it before. then you tell her how out of her character her behavior was, how she has really disappointed you, and what she can do to make it right. all she needs ot hear from you is that she can get back in your good graces if she makes it right. she won't be devastated if you provide her with a way to correct it, i promise you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:32 PM Flag
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good to know. thanks. so there is hope for my f*ing sissy of a kid ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:36 PM Flag
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fwiw, i was definitely that kid, and the day when i disappointed my parents (SHOPLIFTING!) certainly came. i nearly peed in my pants i was so terrified [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:39 PM Flag
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what's new and innovative about a teenager getting a speeding ticket... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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that too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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I had a college friend who got arrested for not obeying the speed limit on the Thruway. He had done some mescaline and then headed back up state (he was not too bright.) It was late at night and he saw the flashing red lights in his rear view mirror. "Oh shit" he thought to himself. "I have no idea how fast I was going. Well, I'll tell the trooper, uhm what is a good lie... 60 mph. I was going 60 and nothing more than 60 mph. Heck, there were a lot of cars going faster than me. Yeah, that is what I'll say." The trooper knocks on his window. "License, Registration and Insurance please. Do you know why I pulled you over?" "No officer." "Do you know how fast you were going?" "Uhm 55 maybe 60mph. Nothing more!" "Son, I clocked you at seven miles per hour. Would you step out of the car please." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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HILARIOUS STORY! LOOLLLL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:34 PM Flag
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thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 06:34 AM Flag
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i don't understand this story [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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You probably can't read the end of the story. The trooper says, "Son, I clocked you at seven miles per hour. Would you step out of the car please." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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Hilarious! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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if it were original. That's from a Chris Farley movie, but it was Nitrous Oxide not tranqs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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I was already out of college when Chris Farley joined Sat Night Live. (I just checked IMDB.) Now, it may be that the guy I knew at Cortland wrote the scene for the movie or it could be his story made it to the writers or it could just be -- like the light bulb -- two different people had the same thing in different places/times. (What movie is it by the way?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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The movie is Black Sheep from 1996. Here's the quote "Motorcycle Cop: Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going? Mike: Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops. Motorcycle Cop: SEVEN! SEVEN miles an hour! And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the *shoulder*! " [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 07:18 AM Flag
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I'm gonna have to set the TIVO. Thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 07:22 AM Flag
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if you enjoyed chris farley it's a fun movie, not quite as much as Tommy Boy, but still pretty good [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 07:26 AM Flag
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he leaves me -- warmish. I love Sandler, CF just never did it. (I grew up with Bulushi so...) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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I don't think this is way out of line unless it's over something trivial. Speeding tickets are serious. Your dh probably worries that his child is going to kill himself or someone else with his recklessness. He would be remiss to not let ds know how out of line he is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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ITA. but if you read above posters they think that punishing the kid is fine, letting him know he disapointed you is not... which baffles me! teenagers really don't get when they're being irresponsible. you have to flat out tell them how stupid/dangerous their behavior is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:33 PM Flag
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3rd speeding ticket, huh? well it sounds like his parenting is working like a charm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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I have a 13 yo and I think what your dh said to ds is just fine. It's nothing heavy or serious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:53 PM Flag
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^^I mean the comment isn't that serious, like the way many posters above are saying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:57 PM Flag
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ITA! I would have been a lot harsher. someone needs to have their licence pulled, and needs to get a job to pay for those tickets. totally unacceptable. and I have teenagers too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:02 PM Flag
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ITTTAAA and will prob use this line with teenage dd this week! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:54 PM Flag
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i love it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.23.08, 06:36 AM Flag
[ - ] My relative who lives in a park slope brownstone has offered to legally rent me his basement apartment for 1 dollar so I can claim residency in the area and send our dc to PS 321 instead of our terrible zoned school. Should I do it? 101 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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Sure, why not? That sounds legit enough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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we wouldn't actually be living there though--its way too small for our family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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send your child to live there by him/herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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Why would you want to do something so selfish and unethical? The school is for students entitled to go there, not cheaters. This is why the schools are overcrowded. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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np: agree with this. It's a bad lesson for your kids, and you've got to be prepared to get caught. Another parent might turn you in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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to many goody goodys here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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I think that the key word here is "entitled." Property values in the 321 school district are high and I suppose you think that you should only be able to go to 321 if you can afford" it. It sounds like she is entitled based on her status of her relative and the offer. Everyone does what they need to in NY to secure a good education for their children. I think that you should go for it and don't feel guilty! Some of the best students at 321 are there based on the altruism of others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:30 PM Flag
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If the city CANNOT provide decent free education for all, then I think we are entitled to do what we need to do to secure this education. Place the blame on the system, not the family! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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They could catch you, PS 29 has been doing random checks, actually sending people to apts. But they can't send someone to everyone, so still not likely you'd be caught. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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yeah I would. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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How would you deal w/ playdates etc? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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I don't know. haven't thought that far in advance yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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Every parent in the class will figure it out at some point, and it only takes one who is annoyed at the overcrowding sitch to bust you. Then you have to explain to dc that she's going to a new school because mommy and daddy got caught doing something wrong? I wouldn't do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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sure, way to teach your kid ethical values [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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the school system is unethical, wealhy nabs should not have best schools in an ethical world [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:05 PM Flag
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they've started following kids home [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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no they haven't. Who has the time? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:44 PM Flag
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I don't know about 321, but I know for a fact they are doing it at 234 and 41. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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In PS 29, it's about 1 in 25 new students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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you'd be teaching your child to lie [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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No one will ask your child for his/her address, and no one will every make them feel uncomfortable. Park Slope is a community of people who have great compassion and understanding of people of lesser means or fewer advantages. I am absolutely sure that no one will follow your kid home...preposterous! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:35 PM Flag
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Bad karma. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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are your kids better/more deserving than the other kids in your own neighborhood? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:53 PM Flag
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oh, like you don't want the best for your kids too? doesn't everyone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:58 PM Flag
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yes, but we don't lie and steal to get it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:59 PM Flag
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eh. OP's taxes are going to all NYS schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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all that tax money is not doled out fairly, but that still doesn't make stealing right [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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OP is stealing. she pays taxes and they fund schools. she is not charge of doling them out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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^^^OP is NOT stealing I meant [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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an unfair system puts people in the situation of having to cheat and lie to get basic services like a decent eduaction. I don't begrudge people who do this sort of thing. The real cheaters are people like Bloomberg and Klein who fritter our tax money away on "school quality assessments" that cost millions and other giveaways to their corporate friends. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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the reason certain schools suck is largely because there aren't enough parents in those neighborhoods who care. Sure, you can go cheat and get something better for your kid. But you're just part of the problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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right bc I can change everything all by myself and my kid should suffer for it too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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or you can just not try. Face it, you choose to live in the city you live in (I do, too)-- no one is forcing your kids to suffer, except you. You can cheat, if that's what you feel best doing, but don't try to climb up on the moral high ground while doing it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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no one is doing that. seems to me OP is struggling with the choice of putting her kids in a better school or staying in her own zone, not bragging about it. it may be a lie but for a very understandable reason [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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that is not the reason that certain schools suck. The parents care-it is just that they are poor, largely don't have college educations (or even high school), are barely making ends meet and have no political clout. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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that's part of it, yes, but to deny that a lack of parental involvement is part of it is terribly naive. I work with those kids-- I know what a lot of their parents are like. MANY of them are not in the PTA, attending school board meetings, helping with homework, and all the other trappings that are standard in the "better" schools. Lots of those kids are on their own, as are the underfunded teachers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:17 PM Flag
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which is exactly why it's so tremendously valuable when parents who don't have those obstacles stick around and try to make a difference in the schools, instead of bailing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:19 PM Flag
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I posted about this below--OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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That's crap. Former teacher here, and it's school leadership that is key. Parents alone cannot do it, unless, like at PS 8, the force out the old principal and use political influence at Board of Ed to hire a good one. OP is right not to sacrifice her child on the altar of YOUR personal beliefs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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are the kids in Park Slope more desreving than my kids or the other kids in my neighborhood? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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np: No, but further screwing the other kids in your neighborhood isn't helping. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:05 PM Flag
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whether my kids goes to 321 or not will have no impact on the kids in my neighborhood. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:10 PM Flag
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Actually, it does. Bad zones usually have a high ratio of kids with parents who are not involved in their education and their schools. People then flee the zone, and the situation becomes even worse. You are a parent who would be involved with both. I think it sucks that the BOE has made the system this way, but people fleeing zones and people lying to get into others helps perpetuate it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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If I didn't also have to work full time and take care of a toddler maybe I could dedicate myself to pulling together a group of parents and completely turning around our zoned school-- a decrepit building, a complete lack of arts programming and a totally misguided focus on test prep, test prep, test prep, and an unresponsive and entrenched administration. But realistically, I just can't do it. Or at least I certainly can't do it all in the next year or two so that the impact would be felt by my dc. Maybe I should dedicate my lift to school reform, but in the mean time--what am I going to do for my dc in September? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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You are going to either live in a tiny apt. in a good zone, suck it up at the school you are zoned for, or leave the city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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AMEN!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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Your choices: Send the kid to the school you're entitled to; pay for private; move, or cheat. Personally, I think they all sound better than cheating, not only for ethical reasons but because I wouldn't want the stress-- the risk of getting caught, of having to uproot my kid mid-year, etc. But no one can make this choice but you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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Does DH also work full-time? Why can't you afford to live in a tiny place in a good zone? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:58 PM Flag
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I probably would [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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I decided not to do this b/c it felt wrong to tell my dc to lie, and we had a decent alternative. Re ethical issue, though, how is this different than renting an apartment in a good district, moving for a year, then moving back? If my alternatives had been bad, and I couldn't afford the move-for-a-year thing (which someone I know actually did), I might have felt I had to do the fake address thing. Am very sympathetic to those who want to do the best they can for their dc's education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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If you move back, you are no longer zoned for the school...right? You'd only have the spot for your child the year that you lived there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:12 PM Flag
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no-once you are in a school you can stay in that school even if you move. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:45 PM Flag
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Don't know what the rules are for an unzoned school, but it's in DOE regs that after a certain point (K or 1st grade), if you reside in catchment/zone of a school for 1 year, you can move and your dc will remain entitled to stay at that school till the terminal garde at that school. "Ask Judy" has written about this on Inside Schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:12 PM Flag
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^^^grade [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:12 PM Flag
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But if you never live at the address you say you did, then pretend that you moved to your real address a year later, you can still be kicked out at any time. Just because you make it through a year without being caught doesn't mean you're home free. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:37 PM Flag
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True (but likelihood of DOE being motivated and able to prove it after the fact seems remote). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:46 PM Flag
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It's actually the schools themselves that are now motivated to do it. Overcrowding is a huge burden. There's an incentive for them to out the cheaters. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:16 PM Flag
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What is your zoned school? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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I thought about doing that w/ 321, but it didn't pan out & I am glad. The funniest part of it is that doing that would make all my school panic & stalking parent coordinators for the past 6 months all for naught. My dd is going to PS 10 in the fall. Anybody else? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:20 PM Flag
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it is a legal apartment just sitting vacant and you would live there? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:27 PM Flag
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if they would live there, there would be no dilemma. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 01:30 PM Flag
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they should move in during the week and go home on weekends. they can establish residency in district after a year and then be legitimately in 321. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:39 PM Flag
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OP says it's not big enough to actually live there during the week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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np: If it was so important to her, she could suck it up. She doesn't want to bother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 02:59 PM Flag
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i have to say, i kind of agree. how could it be part of a brownstone and not an entire floor? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:00 PM Flag
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Agree. 3 of us live in 800 s/f so that dc can go to a good school. You have to be willing to make sacrifices. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:01 PM Flag
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Right. OP is just entitled. People make sacrifices for what we think is important. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:02 PM Flag
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that doesn't make you a resident [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 03:18 PM Flag
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I think that a lot of people on this board believe in "entitlement." Meaning, if they can afford to buy an expensive place in the right school district then they somehow "deserve" the good school. If you want to talk about ethics then perhaps you should question the ethics of the education system that creates gross inequalities in schools because funding comes from property values and parental fundraising. I think that the OP should make her decision based on what is right for her child. As I said in a post above, some of the best students are from families that had to bend the rules to get their kids into the school, and the students are well loved by both other students and their parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 04:48 PM Flag
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I don't think that at all. I think the system sucks. But I think cheating is just as bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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Why is she cheating? Because she doesn't live there? By using the word "cheating" you are bring into question her sense of what is fair. Is it fair that she can't afford a 1.1 million dollar three bedroom in PS? I question your definition of "cheating." I think that for people to get up on their high and mighty horses and talk about what they "deserve" or are "entitled" to when it comes to the education of a child should really question their own sense of what is right and wrong. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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Cheating because she is knowingly breaking the rules. And I couldn't afford to be in the good school zone, so we moved to NJ. Because it beats my kid getting thrown out of school when we get caught (as happened to several families last year in PS29). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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really? that is awful! poor kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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It is terrible. I would never out the kids I know of, but it's hard to swallow that the parents aren't getting punished. We can't ALL break the rules, even though we'd like to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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The parents should be taken out in back and spanked. Then we should drain all of the money out of their measly savings and give it directly to those who are living in the zone and suffering because of the presence of those freeloading out-of-zoners! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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ITA. This is a relaly thoughtful and intelligent comment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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That's not entitlement. It's called playing by the rules. What OP and what you are suggesting is decidedly NOT playing by the rules. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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Let me tell you a story about the rules. When I was a child, my parents drove a Mercedes. One time, my father accidentally drove past a stop sign without stopping. A police officer was parked at the intersection and witnessed the entire episode. The cop did nothing and I remember my father turning to me and saying, "It's because of the car." I think that we all break rules. The question is...what is at stake? I think that in the question of providing a good education for a child and lying about an address, the good education wins. However, many of the posters above were extremely critical of the posters ethics and sense of morality which is just veiled elitism. I truly hope that the poster isn't exposed to people like that in Park Slope at PS 321 where I hope she sends her child. It's enough for all of us to be exposed to it here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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np: ita. well said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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Would anyone commute from 321 district to go to Anderson? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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unless your kid is a social pariah, you'll get caught [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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Do it. Pay no attention to the self righteous posters who probably have not been faced with the tough decision of sending their kid a crappy zoned school. Do what is best for your child. It is easier said than done to put your kid in a terrible zoned school and try to change it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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Of course some of us have. I was zoned for PS 38, didn't get the variance at 261, so we decided to move to NJ. I might punch Joel Klein in the face should I ever met him but I'm not a cheater or a liar. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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Not everyone has the option to move. They may not be able to afford it or be in some other way tied to the current place they live. So its easy to be judgemental when you don't know someone's circumstances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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I might accept that is sometimes the case. But I truly doubt it for this OP. She could cram her family into the little apt. in the good zone for a year to establish residency if she wanted to. She just doesn't want to be inconvenienced. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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I think that your situation sucks. Given your situation, I think that you made an elegant choice. However, I am sure you understand the OP's struggle. I think that very few people would actually choose some amorphous, ill-defined sense of justice over the welfare of their own child...given the choice. I doubt I would. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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I'm just questioning whether OP actually has choices. She hasn't tried applying for a variance to a school that is better than her zoned one (though might not be a top one like 321). She complains that her relative's apt is too small, yet I know people living in 1 bedrooms to be in a good zone. Etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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exactly! it's the entire basement of a brownstone! but it's too small for her to live there legally? she wants to have her cake and eat it too. live in some sprawling place she no doubt paid nothing for in a crappy zone and send her dc to a great school without actually living in the zone. well, you know what? it doesn't work that way. tough crap, op. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.26.08, 08:14 PM Flag
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PS321 is already grossly overcrowded. Not sure why you'd want to send your kid to a grossly overcrowded school. Also, it's ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, it's not that complicated. Go to your neighborhood school and let your kid make friends with your neighbors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:15 PM Flag
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my dd goes to PS 11, btw. Is that considered bad too? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 05.22.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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Elementary school are your foundational years -- why establish a shaky foundation by sending your kid to a "terrible school"? [ Reply |