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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] If you are home and nanny goes to take lunch / run errands do you pay her for that time? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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is she hourly or salaried? does this happen daily? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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hourly, she is new. Getting used to DB. I'm still home on mat leave and will go back to work in 2 weeks so it won't be an issue then [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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I would pay her, if it is a reasonable amount of time (an hour or less, aprox?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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I would pay her if salaried, or if hourly and she is coming back. Assuming, of course, that this was not a prearranged daily break that I had specified no pay for (though I wouldn't do that honestly). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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Did she ask to leave or did you tell her she could go take lunch/break? If she asked and it was a one time thing, I'd pay. If it becomes a habit, I would not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:18 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone know which are reputable modeling agencies for infant/toddlers in NYC? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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do not do that to your child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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OMG [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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I could have warned you - this is the last place on earth to get a referral like that. I do not have NYC names but I can assure you my children have done VERY well and it is a wonderful thing - if your kids are good enough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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wow... you're so lucky your kids are "good enough". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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Yes, I am. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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I feel so sorry for your children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Such a typical answer for this place. They are gorgeous, talented and smart with a great bank account to back it up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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good, they should be able to afford the massive therapy bill when you're done with them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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Insurance pays for therapy - but you probably don't have that either [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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and so many unrealistic expectations set up for them by their mother before they have any control over their lives. My kids are gorgeous, talented and smart with a great bank account as well, but not because I exploited them or their "talents" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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Do take a moment to look up the word exploit in the dictionary. I need to terminate the volley of recriminations now because I have a life but please - all the rest of you bitter mommies, carry on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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Go enjoy your fantasy life, and report back to us in 15 years when your children hate you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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Exploit: to use selfishly for one's own ends to advance or further through exploitation; promote [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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np: dh's twin cousins modeled when they were kids up until about 8yo and stopped as soon as one decided she didn't want to do it anymore. they are sweet, educated, normal moms now whose "talents" paid for college. not all kids who model have problems later in life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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I'm the poster below who also stopped when I was 8yo. I think the reason it never impacted me was that I stopped so young. It seems harder for the kids who continue into their teens. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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and depends a lot on their parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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ITA!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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op: Can you tell me how to get into it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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I hear that Exploit my Child Enterprises is fantastic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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I'm pretty sure that Elite has a baby/children's division. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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op: Thank you for the one responsive answer on here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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just don't do it to your child. I was a former "baby model" and my mother set up tons of unrealistic expectations for me and I resent her to this day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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you're ugly huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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not at all, but think that if you want [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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roflmao [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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Ford and Abrams are two of the biggest and most reputable in the city. There are a few other really good ones, but I'm blanking on the names right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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THere's a wire bound book that they sell in newstands around Times Square that lists all the agencies - but I can't remember the name. Many of the agencies you know for adults also hacve kids' divisions. Nevertheless, they only do print generally and not tv. I can't remember the names of the good commercial agencies anymore - creative artists, abrahms, . . . sorry I can't think. There are some online blog sites of moms in NYC with kids in the business that you can check that are very good. Never, ever pay $1 for the agency for photos or anything else. Any agency that takes any amount of money, other than as a % of what is earned is a sham. By the way, I was a child model/actress from about 2-8 and I absolutely loved it. I was actually a little obnoxious (thought it was an objective fact that I was gorgeous, etc.), but it had no lasting impact on my life. I also was in no way exploited, etc. If I were to try to get my dc into the business, I think I'd do a similar thing and pull my kid out at a reasonable age; however, it was a really hard decision for my mom because we were pretty poor and I was taking in $35,000 a year (and that was in the 70s). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:46 AM Flag
[ - ] Do you eat and drink a lot when you are on vacation? I do and I always worry I won't be able to get my good habits back when I get home which kind of ruins the fun. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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it really varies. often we are on the go so much (and don't have a full fridge) that i lose weight. i certainly used to when i traveled alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:44 AM Flag
[ - ] how do you get ~15mo to eat protein? she won't eat meats. tia! 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. Then move her onto the healthier kind like Ians or Applefarms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:53 AM Flag
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Tofu, cheese, nuts (if there are no family allergies), eggs, beans [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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Mine would only eat eggs. Ped then ok'd nut butters (no family history of allergies) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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toddlers aren't adventurous when it comes to food. they have too much stuff going on. if she is eating other protein like eggs and cheese, I wouldn't worry too much. her food options will open up more when she is older [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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she would eat only fruit if she could - no eggs or meats. some luck with hummus and peanut butter, but ped. said she needs more protein. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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try lots of different forms of eggs, or things like french toast [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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make her scrambled eggs for the next couple of mornings. you might have to serve them to her for a week before she will eat them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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turkey dogs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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some yogurts are very high in protein. same with cheese [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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there's lots of other ways to get protein. 15 monthold might eat mild fish; eggs, cheese, yogurt are good, and you can do bean/grain combos. my picky eater loves a plate of rice and beans from most mexican restaurants. if she likes corn, offer beans with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:43 AM Flag
[ - ] don't normally drive, what's the best way to get out of brooklyn onto 80 (to PA) tonight around 8pm? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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Where are you in bklyn? Shortest way is to take fdr drive to harlem river drive to GW Bridge. Crossing at GW bridge puts you directly on 95, which becomes 80. But, to avoid Manhattan traffic, you could cross into NJ via Staten Island (Verrazanno and Goethals bridges) and take another road up to 80 (maybe the turnpike, can't recall). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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I would never go through manhattan and the GWB to get to Pennsylvania. Take the Verrazanno and Goethals over Staten Island [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:01 AM Flag
[ - ] IF you are involved in the PTA/PA in your school, there is a NEW yahoo group to discuss issues related to volunteer retention, involvement, fundraising and other things related to helping your kids' school. To join, send a blank message to: 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.11.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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why would anyone do this? we spend our time discussing these things AT the pta meeting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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np: Maybe to learn from experience at other schools. I know there are meetings to share experiences etc., but I think that's only within the district. I think it may be helpful to know what is working at other schools and perhaps get some new ideas. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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Will this site tell parents how to cope with the incredibly bossy arrogant ball breakig ladies who run my PTA, treat parents who aren't in their clique rudely and suck up to and lie for the administration? They have such a stranglehold, most of the nice sane parents have just decided to stay uninvolved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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There are PTA elections every year, run against them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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Sounds like the school my dd attends! And I'm one of the parents that has decided to no longer be involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:19 PM Flag
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Hmm, I wonder if we're in the same school. Want to put down one set of initials? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:50 PM Flag
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I joined and it seems it is all Brooklyn parents. I live in Manhattan and have yet to see another Manhattan-ite. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:12 PM Flag
[ - ] Had anyone had a preschool teacher who had nothing good to say about their dc? Did it begin to affect the way you think about your child? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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omg, i hope this is not your situation. that's horrific. change schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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op: I work at the school it's getting very complicated. She is like this to a lot of parents. She is in the middle of a nasty divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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then just let it roll off your back, or say something to the effect of - you know - I've yet to meet a single person, adult or child that was 100% negative. I'm sure if you think about it you can find some strength dc has. Like you, I know you are going thru a terrible nasty time in your personal life, but you are able to leave that at home and put on a smile for the children every day. Smile. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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i was letting it roll for awhile. but she just got worst and worst. It was little things that kept eatting at me. It over now but it sucked so much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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or: bottom line is how she is treating your dc in the room - is this attitude showing in terms of her behavior toward dc? if so, who cares about her personal situation. the school should accommodate you and move your child or you should. i'm so sorry. what a horrible situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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it did affect ds in someways worst then I realized. He disliked her so much that he just stopped talking and refused to listen to her. I took the summer off and have him with me at home. The director is distressed over the situation I'm not sure what will happen. she has worked at the school for 25 years I've been there for 8. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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or: when someone who works with children is burned out - no matter what the cause is of the burn out - they need to move on. either to an extended leave, an administrative position or something else. i'm sorry for her. but the children are more important. again, i'm so sorry for you and your ds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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I agree. I hope that I can work with her next year- I love my classroom and am proud of what I do! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:56 AM Flag
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how was he affected [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN. Preschool teachers can be complete idiots. YOU know your child. Either pull dc out if you think situation is harmful, or endure, but DO NOT allow this person to influence you in how you look at your child. You might want to read The Hurried Child and/or Preschoolers At Risk too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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Thanks so much we are out of the situation now and ds will be in a new class with a teacher I like in the fall. If it happens again I will remove him promptly no job is worth this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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Best of luck!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:45 AM Flag
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ITA. We went through this but stuck with the school. The next year was completely different. If you like the school and the director, stick with it and keep your fingers crossed for next year. If you don't like the school in general, pull your dc out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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I'm glad it worked out for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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did your dc act out in class [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 01:39 PM Flag
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act out how [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 01:51 PM Flag
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My oldest went to a preschool where the only thing they really had to say about him was that he didn't cause trouble and "he sounds interesting" (notice, not "he is interesting"). He wouldn't talk to them so they recommended that he not go to kinder, even w/ a great attention span, ability to follow directions and a May birthday. We didn't listen to them, he ended up w/ a fabulous kinder teacher who, at our first meeting, said "I love this kid--he is so unique & interesting" and he's did great. It's such a relief. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:24 PM Flag
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My dd's 3 y.o. teacher always focused on the negative about my dd. It really frustrated me but then I realized that if I didn't ASK the teacher said nothing. So, while I wasn't getting pos feedback - at least I wasn't getting negative. That may not be possible if you work at the school. But I just picked up my kid and walked out the door. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:27 PM Flag
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I did that too but my son started acting out alot in class pushing and completing ignoring the the teachers she was bothered by everything he did and he takes negative attention right to his heart so he started not caring anymore. I was told he "recieved more negative attention than deserved" by the school guidence couns. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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sounds terrible [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 04:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you agree or disagree? We put too much structure into our children's lives. 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.11.08, 10:34 AM Flag
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agree [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:34 AM Flag
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I don't but I see a lot of moms running themselves and their kids ragged with this stupidity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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I don't. I think it depends on the parents - I know people who put too little & others who over-schedule their kids, which is what I think you mean by "too much structure" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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compared to, let's say, 30 years ago, do you think we are doing way more structuring? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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100% [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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too much, especially in nyc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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what do you mean by structure..do you mean rules for them to follow or filling their day with a ridiculous amt of classes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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I assumed she meant scheduling every moment [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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yes. like instead of letting have a summer on their own you sign them up for camp or other structured activities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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there's a difference between signing them up for camp because you feel like they "need" it, versus signing them up for camp because both parents work and you have no nanny and you need childcare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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totally. and I think we all know that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:45 AM Flag
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I don't think kids NEED camp but many kids I know (including my own) want camp. They love school so much they want to continue that feel throughout the summer. Nothing wrong with summer camp. Not all ppl have houses on the beach where the kids could spend the entire summer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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I agree. This is a side effect of broader issues like the need for two parents to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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Ridiculous. Your kids don't know the difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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whether you intended it or not, there's an implicit negative value judement in your statement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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So two working parents are somehow harming their kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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yes, and it is not good for society and I hope the tide turns soon. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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I live in the city and my kids asked for camp. they love the classes they get to choose and enjoy being with many kids during the summer. Nothing wrong with camp. Not like you are forcing your dc to go to camp because you don't want them around [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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or: well then I think there is too much pressure put on kids. I have 2 kids (8yr and 4yr) and never push them or over schedule them. I want them to enjoy their childhood and not try to live through them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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I don't but many people do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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Agree, to a certain extent. I think it is importnat for children to in activites I believe it builds character, and confidence. Putting them in activities for societial reasons or to get them into the best pre school because if they aren't they will never get in to good college etc is LAME!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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Yes. I think the fact that there are classes for babies starting at birth is ridiculous. And before anyone says it's socialization for the moms, I'd like to point out that a large number of the "adults" there are nannies. I think a few activities every week DO provide structure to the week, but kids really need to have free playtime more than most do in NYC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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You probably do, if you are feeling that. I believe kids will naturally create (or make it clear what they need, if they need help creating) their own structure, with more or less depending on the kid. It's one of the reasons I will be homeschooling and not imposing an arbitrary structure on dds life. As far as classes for babies go, if they aren't forced to do a particular thing and they enjoy it and it isn't during their natural nap time, I see no problem with it. Moms *do* need to get out, and may enjoy the classes themselves, nannies or no-- nothing wrong with that either. A lot of the structure parents impose is to make it easier for the adults' lifestyle. I think "we" should be honest about that and evaluate it, and keep the focus on fun and quality time spent w/ our kids. If it feels off kilter to you, it probably is, and there may be a better way for your family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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>>>fun, and speding quality time w/ our kids (time where *we* don't have another agenda). I think if it feels off-kilter to you, it probably is, and there may be a better way for your family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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Too many schedule activities and overparenting/microparenting. There was a kid in DS's kinder w/ a spread sheet to keep track of extracurriculars. So bizarre. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:33 AM Flag
[ - ] Pls explain what is going to happen if Freddie and Fanny go under? Don't understand the significance of it, but sounds awful when I read nyt. Thanks! 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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it will create quite a ripple in the financial world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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gee, thats some insightful analysis [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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It means that the housing market may lock up even more b/c they aren't going to be able to cover as many loans (right now 50% of loans end up going through them). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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And if the government bails them out, taxpayers will be paying for the mortgage debt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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not to mention if the govt bails them out, it is going to be with all sorts of added regulation that is going to probably not be great for business. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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Govt will bail out if necessary. If the govt is bailing out iBanks, then they will bail out Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:13 PM Flag
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Freddie and Fannie cannot "go under" int he traditional sense - it's not wi provision of their charter. the gov't can step in and take them over however. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:17 PM Flag
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just because they get bailed out doesn't mean that it is not going to have huge effect on ability to get mortgages afterwards. It still is pretty dire either way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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NP Do you mean that credit will tighten up in a way that is totally different from current standards [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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right now, they are still bundling morgages and selling them to investors. If investors decide (which it is starting to look like they are doing) that those morgages that are bundled and guaranteed by Fannie and Freddie have more risk than previously thought, then those investors stop buying or charge more. There isn't much room to maneuver here. If the costs go up too much, then Freddie and Fannie need to fund the mortgages themselves (right now they are involved in 70% or mortgages), and mortgage lending locks up, because they don't have the capital on hand to do that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:32 PM Flag
[ - ] any tips for 6mo spitter upper? We are on prevacid for reflux, and on enfamil ar, but this child continues to spit up. and solds were a nightmare...he threw those right up. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.11.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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I had this problem, my ped told me to give up all dairy for awhile, I think it helped a bit but really you just have to wait until they grow out of it. One day you will realize, hey, dc hasn't spit up all day, and that will be it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:05 AM Flag
[ - ] Need Advice- Dh and I have been together for 10 years. Dh has severe OCD and several other issues: very jealous (although I've given him no reason to be), bad self image, rages on me in front of the neighbors, ect. A friend of mine that I've known for 16 years recently got a divorce (no kids)- this friend and I have started to spend more time together and I think we are falling in love. I'm so confused as what to do. Please don't flame, I've been agonizing over this. Also, in my current situation with dh, I have fallen into a deep depression. Dh is nasty and mean and very suspicious of me- I can't have friends or even be on the computer without him wanting to know everything that I do-very manipulative and controlling. 45 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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Get thee to couples counseling!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:13 AM Flag
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We have tried this for many years. It works for a few weeks and then back to the same old thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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It sounds like you're being motivated from your "new relationship." Are there kids? What do your friends who know both of you think? What about family? At the very least, you need to see a therapist of your own for depression. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:15 AM Flag
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I think the new relationship is motivated from the situation- I have been very patient with Dh for a long time, it's so exhausting. We have two boys. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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Also, my mother thinks that I should leave him. I have very few friends that are not his. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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np: what has kept you with him all these years? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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Trying to work it out, I've put a tremendous amount of effort into it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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But what are you trying to work out? Mean, nasty, manipulative & suspicious are things he needs to change, not you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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I know. He's told me so many, many times that he would change, but he never does. He says the most insulting things to me. I'm tempted to be with my friend because I'm treated this way anyway. I think there might be some good in it for me to go slowly and take care of myself first, but to also have some sort of human desire and contact again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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your dh sounds like he has lots of issues that have nothing to do with you. You can try to get him into couseling but many ppl won't go. If not you need to worry about yoruself. This relationship isn't healthy but dangerous. When ppl are controlling, they can snap at any time. I got out of a 4yr relationship with a controlling person who verbally abused me. I'm so happy I did this. GL to you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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He has been told he needs to be on meds and have therapy and he tells me he's too busy to do this. I'm verbally abused as well. I'm not sure what to do about my friend who really cares deeply for me- He really is kind and supportive, and I think that I am attracted to him. I feel guilty. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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first and foremost you need to take care of yourself. Do what is good for YOU and your kids. If yoru friend is meant to be with you in the future, he will be there when you are ready..and will be just a friend through this ordeal. I think you should handle one hurdle at a time before getting involved. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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He has been there for me for a while now, and just recently it has turned into attraction. I was at his wedding-we have been good friends for a long time. I feel like I'm handling the hurdles, but almost think it's time for me to enjoy myself as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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you sound like you know what you have to do. Be careful, be strong..you can do it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:33 AM Flag
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What do you think about the friend part? Would it be horrible for me to have a physical relationship with him even though it would make me happy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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you are the only one that could answer that. It all depends on how a physical relationship would be taken during this time. Will you be able to handle the ups and downs of a new relationship while finishing your current one? Or will you be able to be "friends with benefits" with no strings until you settle your current situation. I wish I had a the answer for you..but I do hope for the best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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I think we are along the lines of friends with benefits right now. I'm actually a strong person, but have morals. Is it acceptable to fulfill my own desires at this point in the problem? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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well you can answer that. I know it's hard when you want and crave that physical closeness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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his issues sound primarily issues related to a character disorder, more than an axis I mental illness, which means prognosis for change is very poor. you need to model being a woman who takes care of herself for your children. best of luck to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:19 AM Flag
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He whines and begs when I told him that I want to live alone- He started to clean the house and try to take me out to dinner and buy me things. I'm disgusted with him and he wants to have sex as a sort of signifier that I'm not going to leave him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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^^ and, btw, i would recommend NOT making a choice in terms of a new relationship until you have some space and time - and hopefully therapy - for yourself. don't make a new choice until you know that you are no longer making poor choices, you know? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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I plan on doing so, but it feels overwhelmingly good to have this person hug me; I'm really, really tempted to fulfill my emotional and physical needs with him. He is a really good guy, and although I do not want a relationship, I crave intimacy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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Leave him and get your kids out of that environment [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:21 AM Flag
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I don't even know where to begin to leave. Do you get a lawyer? The house is in his name, the car in both of our names. Will he have to pay support? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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^^also, my older son (7) has started treating me disrespectfully, just like his father. I'm really torn up over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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What I did: make appt with divorce lawyer for free consultation. Since your mother wants to leave, she will likely help you with retainer if you decide to file for divorce. Lawyer will tell you the FACTS, which will arm you. This one free appt will empower you with what you need to know, the laws in your state, etc., what you can expect. I picked someone out of local newspaper (ad) and it was fine, or you can get recommendations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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but you think you are falling in love with a friend you have been spending lots of time with, so maybe he does have a justification for jealousy, no? but i agree, it doesnt sound like the ideal situation for anyone, be strong and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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I have not been spending much time with my friend at all, maybe have seen him 4 times this year. We email a lot. No, my dh was jealous WAY before this friend-accusing me since the beginning for going back to college that there was someone at school that I liked. He constantly asks me if there is someone else and has no reason to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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some people are just jealous by nature, i think. must be hard to deal with, along with the anger, etc. i guess it all comes down to if you love him enough to see him through trying to change, if not, then go before it gets even harder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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This is really good advice. I do love dh and feel sorry for him, but then again, life is too short. I can't see myself being this miserable all the time. He comes from a very traditional family (they wouldn't let his female cousin attend college). I am so tempted to have an "affair" with my friend because in some way I think it will make me strong enough to leave. I'm sure this is not right by the text book, but it is how I feel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:34 AM Flag
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OMG!! It sounds like you are married to my ex-DH! I left my ex-husband. I remarried and am the happiest I have ever been. I have kids with new DH. Personally, I would leave. Why put up with his sh*t?! I know this sounds cold but why should you have to deal with his problems, if he is unwilling/unable to change. Leave. Start a new life. Be happy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:45 AM Flag
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Should I give in to my desire to be with my good friend? I really want to have some sort of love and affection. It's been a long time. Did this happen to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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i cannot tell you what to do with the friend. i ended up marrying my cycling partner. he was around during the divorce but not in a romantic way. divorce is extremely emotional and traumatic. i would deal with the divorce then pursue the relationship. You don't want to take marriage/divorce baggage into your next relationship. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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I'm not looking at it like a relationship, but more like an outlet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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take the out on your own. you will have more respect for yourself. don't burden your friend with a relationship that is marred in a divorce. Oh, or do you mean you just want sex without a relationship? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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I just want sex without a relationship. He just is out of a divorce after 17 years of marriage and he's thinking the same thing. My dilemma is: I'm with someone who will not change and it is obvious to me that it will not work even after I've given him several chances (I've never been unfaithful). But now, I want human closeness with someone who cares for me and I care for under the understanding that I am on my own fulfilling a desire. Is that so bad? I feel guilty, but also like I deserve to be happy as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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well separate then hump away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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the separating part is taking so long b/c dh refuses to. the humping part is consuming my thoughts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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HA! Separation is easy. Go see a lawyer and draw up separation agreement. Cheating on your husband will make everything worse, esp. if you need any financial support from him. It might also help to get a therapist to discuss how the divorce will go. I did this with my ex-DH. We went into therapy for divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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We are not really married legally to begin with. It's more of a common law thing. Do I still need a separation agreement? Is it still cheating/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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No. Pack your stuff up and leave tonight. If you aren't married, why in the HELL are you still there?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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^^ oh and yes, it is still cheating [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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I'm stuck in this situation for now. However, I do want to be happy. My friend and I are very close. It's tempting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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Because we have two kids and I have no place to move into right now, although I'm planning for it now. So, does this mean that to sleep with my friend would not be cheating? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Inspire me -did anyone have success w/colic/gas from cutting out dairy in your own diet while nursing? #1 had milk protein allergy, and #2 is fast going the same route. But it is so hard to give up cheese, milk -they are staples for me. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Newborn 07.11.08, 10:10 AM Flag
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I had to give up milk, too, and it was pretty central to my diet. It has been a LOT easier than i thought; soy milk is not bad, there are alternatives and eventualy i just got used to it (6 months now). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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Giving up dairy was very difficult, but I did do it. Don't look at it as being a permanent thing, once you clear it out of your systme over a period of say 1-2 months and baby's symptoms improve, you can start slowly introducing it back in often times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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my 2 dds had a milk allergy at birth. I just stopped BF at 5 wks and they were so much better. My #2 was a diff. kid when I stopped. FF was fine for us [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:18 AM Flag
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op -did you switch to Alimentum? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:20 AM Flag
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no I switched to Isomil [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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I don't understand. Isomil has milk protein. Your child couldn't handle it if he'she really has an allergy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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np: sometimes things are diagnosed as milk protein intolerance in BF infants are really not that. it could be a sensitivity to something else in the mother's diet also. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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I also gave up dairy--no milk allergies but dc spit up constantly and the ped said it might help. I THINK it helped, but I was never really certain. On the bright side, I lost the babt weight very quickly--I almost couldn't think of anything to eat without cheese, yogurt, and ice cream! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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I am on week 9 of no dairy/soy etc, and I've seen major improvements. DS#1 also had severe milk allergies and was on neocate...I am starting one night time feeding of Alimentum for my newborn and thankfully he seems ok with that. Its hard to keep BFing on sucha restricted diet [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:37 AM Flag
[ - ] Why do you think Hunter went so deep into there boy's waitlist this year? I had heard from some private schools that they had way too many boy applications this year. So where are all these boys going? 38 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.11.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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Probably privates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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there? geez [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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Give me a break. You've never made a typo on UB? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:07 AM Flag
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np: Not a spelling Nazi and I think the OR is an assmuncher but that is not a typo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:14 AM Flag
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If you are typing fast and make a mistake, it is a typo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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but this was not a typing mistake. Your brain mixed it up and you typed correctly what your brain was telling you. Thus it is not a type. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:25 AM Flag
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OMG, how on earth would you know that? People make mistakes - give her a break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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of course it is a mistake. I never said anything against OP. Just pointing out that calling it a typo is probably the wrong thing to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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For the love of God woman, let it go [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:32 AM Flag
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I cannot believe I am engaging in this conversation with you - but here goes. There is easy to type. Their is harder. My brain is fine. My fingers prefer to type there. They just take over. If I'm typing an email or a document, I correct. On a message board, I don't care. I am not the op. I am not stupid. My "brain" knows the difference. It is just message board typing. Get a life lady! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:31 AM Flag
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your fingers don't type. your brain does. subconsciously you replaced "their" with the phonetically identical "there". Nobody ever said that there is something wrong with your brain. It is very common and very normal. Don't take it so freaking seriously. We are just discussing if it should be called a type or something else. What is it to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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have you talked to someone about this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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A type or a typo? Was that your brain or your fingers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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ROFLMAO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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Had to be her brain, o and e are far from one another on the key board :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:40 AM Flag
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and type and typo are both actual words [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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yup. It was by subconscious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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^^^I'm the OP FWIW! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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i think you mean "typo" not "type." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:43 PM Flag
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I think a typo means you were typing fast and your finger hit the key next to the one you meant, or hit a home key unintensionally. This is just a silly mistake (and, again, one only somebody with OC issues would care about.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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I swear! np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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^^^like my "s" in unintentionally. ;-0 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:29 AM Flag
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its a message board mistake and its common. You compose as you type, just get over it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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No idea. They really didn;t have enough boys this year anyway. Where are all these boys going? Crazy that at least 10 of the origianl 24 turned down the spot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:12 AM Flag
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Why coudn't that have happened in our year?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:22 AM Flag
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or: Why couldn;t it be the girls list moving? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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Well, I want to boys list to keep moving! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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or: BEST of luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:23 PM Flag
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at this point would you take a spot if offered? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 04:48 PM Flag
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1000000% yes! even though we are VERY happy about placement for next sept. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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It was 11 of the original 36 (24+12) that turned it down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:23 AM Flag
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I have a ds who got into Hunter this year, and we turned it down for a private school. I have a few theories. Many people knew it was going to be a tough year in general. It was a really bad year for boys. Some schools stopped taking applications for boys before the deadline. Many people who in the past might have only done hunter and G&T have lost confidence that even a smart kids will get a spot at a good G&T, and there as never been any guarantee on Hunter, so those people also applied to privates. People who normally would only apply to privates, also added Hunter because they were worried about the numbers. In the end, both TT privates and Hunter wanted a lot of the same boys. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:28 AM Flag
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I think you got it. No wonder ds got into Hunter ; ) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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i don't think you can really draw conclusions about the experience of 10 boys - too small a group - too randon - as i have posted before, in our year at hunter the girls list move a ton and the boys list barely at all [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:35 AM Flag
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i thought everyone was saying that boys had it easier for the G&T stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:37 PM Flag
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no way. just the opposite. look at the gender breakdown at schools like anderson. 2/1 dds to ds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:40 PM Flag
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Actually, at Hunter boys definitely have much better odds if they make second round, since there are far fewer of them and H still keeps gender quota to keep classes balanced. A does not any more so there is no advantage for high scoring boys over girls there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 04:51 PM Flag
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Boys were way outnumbered for Hunter Round 2, for the G&T results, and there were way too many in the private school process. It was a hard year to apply for K with a ds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 03:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Help! Where can I buy a supportive nursing bra on UES? I need real support, am DDD NOT nursing, so Gap type bras will not cut it. TIA. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.11.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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Destination Maternity, 57th off Madison [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:05 AM Flag
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wow. you need to go to Town Shoppe and/or Upper Breast Side for fitting. feelin' for you here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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Go to My Breast Friend or whatever it's called on UWS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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I got underwire ones (I always wear underwire from one of the maternity clothes shops that is a chain. Motherhood? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:08 AM Flag
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DO NOT BOTHER with a nursing bra. Stay in your regular Wacoal underwire and pull your boob out from underneath. Trust me - nothing else will work. BTDT and have a garbage bag of barely worn bras to prove it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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dest maternity will not have it. i am not sure where, but i got mine in the hosptial and i was a 38F (or DDD). medela--the one with the wide padded straps was the best one for me. i loved that bra. it is supportive and totally comfy. bravado bra for nights helped too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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Upper Breast Side worked for me and I was a nursing 42F, with no underwires. It made a huge difference. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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ditto, as a 34H. they had very supportive bras and even some that looked nice as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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I think you will find a better selection online. I got a couple at Pea in the Pod and then had much better success online. I believe Bravado makes ones that larger breasted women adore but htey are pricey. if you go to any of hte breastfeeding websites, they usually have a lot of ads for these. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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I went to Intimacy on Madison and 89th. They have free alterations and can turn any bra into a nursing bra. It is a bit pricey. Best to call in advance to set up a fitting otherwise you might have to wait a bit. I waited until after I had the baby as my breasts got significantly bigger when my milk came in. Upper Breast Side only sells non-underwire which I found did not give me the support that I needed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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UES? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:39 PM Flag
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UES? Bras By Linda is the only place worth going to. UBS on the west side has REALLY aggressive salespeople and every time I've gone there, they're either arguing with each other or rude to a customer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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i loved elle macpherson bras (nordstrom.com) and the athletic bras from title9.com. i was like an f when bf [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:43 PM Flag
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If you want to take a trip waaay uptown, I know there's a new lingerie place on Dyckman street that sells nursing bras. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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if you are not nursing, why do you need a nursing bra? just go to a bra shop and get measured. wacoal is good for larger chests [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 07:51 PM Flag
[ - ] do stay at home moms get depressed or bored b/c they aren't at work? I want to stay home, but I'm worried about not having enough adult interactions. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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Toddler 07.11.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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it can get boring and depressing but it is what you make it. I have 2 dc (am pg with #3). I had more time on my hands when I had only one but am so busy now with 2 kids and one on the way. I love being home with them..and look foward to the alone time since I get so tired [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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I get depressed b/c I'm not home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:06 AM Flag
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i've done both staying home and working ft at the office, and i have to say that staying home usually feels more fulfilling. of course, that's until ds comes home and asks why i'm so tired when all i do is stay home instead of work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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yes and yes. But I get over it (or try to). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:13 AM Flag
[ - ] do stay at home moms get depressed or bored b/c they aren't at work? I want to stay home, but I'm worried about not having enough adult interactions. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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check out your other post, where there are responses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:04 AM Flag
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depression is a disease. You don't really catch it from staying at home. Are they bored? Sure, so are working moms when they are at work - that's why so many are on UB :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:09 AM Flag
[ - ] When do you start summer camp inquiry/application process? I saw a summer camp fair website that goes on in Nov. Is it worthwhile to attend the fair? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.11.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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They often fill by february [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:01 AM Flag
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worthwhile to look. some camps are fully booked by february. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:02 AM Flag
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the camp I wanted to send dd to was fully booked when I inquired in January. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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Wow, are these Day Camp or Sleepaway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:37 AM