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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] When do you think the protests will lose steam? 32 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:56 PM Flag
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Not soon. I just watched one march down my street, with thousands of people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:57 PM Flag
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What city [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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This. Plus every day new cities are joining in. Hoboken had their first one today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:58 PM Flag
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I'm all for the protests, I just want the freaking curfew to end. We work and homeschool all day long, the only time we can get out to the park is after 7:00 (and it's still light past 8 now). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:32 PM Flag
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ITA. to the extent it had a legitimate purpose, its served it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:52 PM Flag
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They aren't enforcing the curfew on the UES if you are just walking around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:50 PM Flag
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Wednesday [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:35 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:19 PM Flag
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What time? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 10:05 PM Flag
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The city opens up on Monday, so a good number of people will have to work which might impact turnout a bit. And even for those of us who work from home (and have to homeschool), it's been challenging to get out to every event. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:59 PM Flag
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this. however. a lot of NYkers are unemployed or, like you, working from home. Typically, youd have people unable to leave the office or march during rush hours. Its a bit of a perfect storm for a protest environment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:47 PM Flag
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You honestly think most of the protestors have a job? Good one! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:47 PM Flag
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Why do you think they do not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:16 PM Flag
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OR: Ignore the troll [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:53 PM Flag
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isn't it just manufacturing, agricultural type businesses that are opening in phase 1 next week? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:27 PM Flag
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when the number of positive cases spikes, so another week. I hope i'm wrong [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:44 PM Flag
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When the next "big one" hits. Maybe a hurricane. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:00 PM Flag
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Next week: the city will be reopening. I believe that, without the stresses of COVID and living in quarantine, the protests would have taken a different form. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:26 PM Flag
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I threw this thought out earlier in the week and was crucified for it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:35 PM Flag
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Nothing emerges from a vacuum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:12 PM Flag
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Not soon enough. Constant noise, police, afraid to go outside. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:39 PM Flag
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Where are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:51 PM Flag
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NP: I'm in Brooklyn, with tons of noise, police, helicopters... but I haven't been afraid to go outside at all. Where are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:53 PM Flag
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nnp. Seconding this -- I'm in Brooklyn, between two of the largest gathering spots. Sick of the helicopters but of course the low-level stress from the noise is nothing compared to black families' fear of being hurt or killed during everyday activities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 06:12 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 10:07 PM Flag
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Hopefully when white people stop killing black people. It’s an inconvenience that we can’t go to the park. As it turns out when you are black you can’t jog, go bird watching, commit a petty crime, be in the wrong place at the wrong time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:46 PM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:50 PM Flag
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Thank you! If people don't want to join in, that's fine, but all of this should make you uncomfortable, as it's clearly the only way that change will come. To have grown white men able to openly carry rifles and be left alone, but then have a 12 year old shot and killed for playing with a toy gun is beyond the pale, but that murder still didn't effect any change and his family never even received justice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 02:35 AM Flag
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x a million [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 10:07 PM Flag
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How many black friends did you have throughout your lifetime, or any POC friends, I am curious [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 04:53 PM Flag
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When the very reasonable and long overdue demands are met. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 04:39 PM Flag
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You sound like a bunch of guilty white women who had never socialized outside of their comfy circles. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 04:53 PM Flag
[ - ] In what ways is your behavior changing as the situation improves with the coronavirus? What are you doing now, and what do you expect to be doing differently in the next weeks? If you are not in NYC, please say where you are, since NYC seems to be so different from most other places in this situation. 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:55 PM Flag
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Meeting up with friends at the park more so the kids can say hi. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:56 PM Flag
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This . Still 6 feet apart though . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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OP: I'm kind of the decider for my family and I'm trying to figure out a reasonable plan. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:57 PM Flag
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Going out for groceries 1-2 times per week. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:59 PM Flag
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Letting my teen meet up with a friend in the park. Both agree to social distance and are responsible kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:00 PM Flag
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hoping to come back to the city once parks/playgrounds open. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:00 PM Flag
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I was planning to come back and see friends in the park from 6 ft but now I feel like I should wait till the protests and the resulting spike in covid is over [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:03 PM Flag
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If you can be somewhere else, right now, I would do that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:01 PM Flag
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Now: Taking more walks (with masks), not wiping down packages/groceries, not reheating takeout food. In the next few weeks: probably more of the same. I would feel comfortable going shopping, but not to bars or restaurants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:04 PM Flag
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Going out sometimes, getting a coffee. I'm going to wait a bit and see what happens after all the protests and many of my friends weekending together and getting haircuts etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:05 PM Flag
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Not changing anything really, we were always going out on weekends to get groceries, or for a walk. Have been discussing having housekeeper come back, she wants to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:19 PM Flag
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In Brooklyn. I've been stopping to talk more to random neighbors in the lobby (with masks on, and standing apart), and also going out more. For a while we were just going on one walk a day and/or out for grocery and supply runs, and we'd just politely say hello to neighbors and keep moving (if we even saw anyone, which was rarer). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:42 PM Flag
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I work out every day, often twice a day and feel so much better than I did before this all struck. We're also doing more things in the house and in the park as a family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:52 PM Flag
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MIdwest. Giving things a few more weeks before we change behavior. We're not in a rush, and all the docs we know are recommending that everyone who can wait and see, wait and see. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:59 PM Flag
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teens are seeing a few friends, seeing cousins, seeing grandparents. All outside, with masks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 01:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone else whose "older" child has done much better with remote learning? My almost 14 year old loves it...less social drama. She gets to wake up and prioritize what work she can complete most efficiently first, etc. The only thing she misses is grabbing ice tea with friends once in a while. Grades have been better than ever. Anyone who has been homeschooling a teen even before the pandemic? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:49 PM Flag
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DC is a HS senior, he prefers live classes but has been totally fine with Zoom, and thinks quarantine is kind of great, he is an introvert and loves that he doesn't have to go out or feel pressure to socialize, he has regular zoom chats with close friends and texts, which is enough for him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:21 PM Flag
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OP- same. Mine is somewhat of an introvert too (extroverted introvert) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:41 PM Flag
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Same here - and no commute, and school starting at 10 means that they have so much more time to learn or read or relax. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:42 PM Flag
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mine is fine, but really misses socializing - was always out with friends and going to shows plus we did a lot of weekend travel with friends. also, while dc has done after school online, it's not nearly the same amount of exercise or intensity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:42 PM Flag
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I'm realizing now that my 16 yr old DS is probably socially introverted. He seems relieved to be missing the drama and competitiveness of school. He also loves starting later in the morning, as he is usually on a school bus at 6:50am. The only thing he misses is lunchtime w/friends, but now that he's able to meet-up w/friends, he's doing better on that front. I haven't checked his grades in while... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:42 PM Flag
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Opposite. Fine at first and enjoyed the later start. Now in a vicious circle of disregulated sleep, hours of screens and overwhelmed by the workload that has been building way too much. Social isolation has become harder with time. In final week which is really hellish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:06 PM Flag
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My junior in HS is pretty happy with it. She would like to be back in school this fall but will be OK if they have to cycle out again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:53 PM Flag
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My 14yo DS has been doing better than he normally does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:54 PM Flag
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No, but my kid is super social. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:35 PM Flag
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My rising senior has done so much better with his academics, but is a musician and misses band class. They had just started pit orchestra practices for the spring show in early March :-( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 12:26 AM Flag
[ - ] Cooking moms: please share what u make in your air fryer. I like roasting eggplant, roasting chicken legs and a whole chicken won skin (yogurt and tandoori powder). 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:46 PM Flag
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^^ w no skin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:46 PM Flag
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Love doing beef and turkey burgers, meatballs, cauliflower, brussels sprouts and breaded chicken cutlets. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:26 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone follow EHolmes on twitter? She does the "so many thoughts" on Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle. She is getting absolutely DRAGGED on her instagram right now for being racist against Meghan. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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I don't. But yeah, that whole Meghan trashing in the UK was straight up racism. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:48 PM Flag
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Good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:52 PM Flag
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The Theranos woman? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:53 PM Flag
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No. Same name, different white lady. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:36 PM Flag
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Haven't seen her but if anyone doubts the racism Markle faced in London, they should search Buzzfeed for an article they did comparing her actions to nearly identical actions by Kate and see how differently they were reported in the press. It's shocking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:54 PM Flag
[ - ] Hypothetically, if my firm decides to makes attendance at the office mandatory, and safe childcare options are not yet available (can't afford a nanny), what are my options? I guess I'd be fired, but would I be entitled to unemployment benefits? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:17 PM Flag
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Currently, Yes. Being scared of COVID is an acceptable excuse for not going ot work. Remember that the extra Federal 600/week will go away in July if not extended. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:20 PM Flag
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I don't think that is true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:30 PM Flag
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business are asking for immunity from gov [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:39 PM Flag
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actually depends on what state. was reading in colorado they were going after people. some others too but i don't remember- was probably ny times yesterday. have to actually be sick or taking care of someone who is sick. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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How many employees? You can apply for leave if it's less than 500. https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/pandemic/ffcra-employer-paid-leave [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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Bring your kids into the office and tell your employer they didn't give you any choice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:52 PM Flag
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God, if that happened to me, that another employee brought in their kids, I'd consider it constructive dismissal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Happy National Doughnut Day! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:01 PM Flag
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Woo! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:13 PM Flag
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i just paid up to order donuts for the kids from grub hub (paid up meaning fees/tip much higher higher than actual cost of donuts). thanks for the post. hope it brings a smile to their face. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Is it safe to order sushi for takeout? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:53 PM Flag
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I have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:56 PM Flag
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Coronavirus is over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:58 PM Flag
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Philly 1918, is that you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:00 PM Flag
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Very funny, St Louis. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:12 PM Flag
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I've ordered sushi twice and am still alive. The science seems to increasingly say that it is very hard to catch coronavirus from surfaces. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:15 PM Flag
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why wouldn't it be? you don't get COVID from food. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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Yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:37 PM Flag
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I do [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:06 PM Flag
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Ordered last weekend, should be ok [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:12 PM Flag
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I have [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:22 PM Flag
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We did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:55 PM Flag
[ - ] I can't blame my kids, they're currently being quiet little angels, for once. Why can't I focus on work?? It all seems so pointless and redundant. 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:40 PM Flag
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It's Friday. Also, it's all pointless and redundant. I'm counting the minutes till I get to go have a drink and order in food with my neighbors. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:54 PM Flag
[ - ] decided I will let 12.5yo dd remove her unibrow and maybe shape her very think eyebrows. she asks me all the time. would you recommend she get them professionally waxed, plucked or threaded?? no idea what the latter even is, but i see it everywhere. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:37 PM Flag
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Good idea. I just say my daughter down and tweezed the first time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:39 PM Flag
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Threading is the least irritating to skin (I did it when I was on Retin A and now when I use Differin because waxing tears of sensitive skin), but it HURTS. Waxing is less painful and much quicker. I would definitely take her to a pro to have them shaped. Not sure when you'll be able to do that tho. I don't recommend plucking too much at that age - I started when I was 13 and now at 47 have the most eff'd up eyebrows that I have to draw in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:40 PM Flag
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I prefer threading. It's quicker than plucking and easier on the skin than waxing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:41 PM Flag
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hurts much more [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:05 PM Flag
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browhaus [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:43 PM Flag
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I would recommend that you not pursue beauty treatments which cannot be done while socially distancing. Pluck her eyebrows yourself, if you must. No 12.5 year old needs professionally shaped eyebrows. That's ridiculous, in any case. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:43 PM Flag
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this - no way she should go somewhere for the service, very easy to pluck and or wax at home [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:52 PM Flag
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this. also, i dont think a young girl should be given the message that their appearance needs "professional help". watch a video on youtube on where to pluck, and do it sparingly [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:48 PM Flag
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Just pluck and call it a day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:12 PM Flag
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Why did you make her wait until 12.5? I was a hairy kid and people were super mean. Glad you came around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:41 PM Flag
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+1 So was I, and my DD asked me before she even turned 11. I'm not in favor of any beauty/grooming things that make a girl look mature beyond her years, but... eyebrows? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:44 PM Flag
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Legs too. I was teased mercilessly. I don’t understand why parents do this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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+1. I had a fair mother with light eyebrows/virtually no body hair, and a hairy mediterranean dad. Guess who I took after? And my mom and sister, not having any experience, had no idea how to help me. I was teased alot, and ended up using that god awful Jolen bleach that turned my facial hair orange, and over-plucking my eyebrows. Good times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:20 PM Flag
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i let my 13 year old do professional waxing before the pandemic hit. Just to set a baseline for shape, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:57 PM Flag
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She has LOTS of hair. Could not pluck it satisfactorily, and she was about to put a razor to her brows ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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Watch a tutorial on YouTube . Do it your yourself . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:00 PM Flag
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My daughter had a little moustache going -- she is pale and blond but her eyebrows are almost black so the upper lip hair was noticeable. In this case, I was the one who brought out the Jolen bleach after she gave me permission. It looks so much better now, but she doesn't care one way or another and has no interest in bleaching again. I was very surprised by this, but hey -- good for her! I was not so chill at that age (the same age as the original poster's daughter). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:49 PM Flag
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I am too late to the party, but I strongly believe in being able to take care of such basic maintenance yourself. But first take her to a professional to see how they shape it and then find tutorials on maintenance. I sure enjoy splurge on mani/pedi now and then but as a whole I do them myself (quite well), color my own hair, wax my upper lip. I used to was before gettign laser too. There is so much money wasted on simple stuff that can be done at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 10:11 PM Flag
[ - ] I have a kid at Xavier and a kid at Regis. Xavier's head came out with a pretty great video, talking about racism within their own walls. Pushing back on "we don't see black and white -- we only see maroon and blue here" that he hears from alumni groups and even board members. It was honest and felt productive. Meanwhile, nothing from Regis. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:57 PM Flag
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Aren't those both Catholic schools? Aren't you nervous about your children's safety? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:01 PM Flag
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lol are you from here? thousands of boys apply for Regis each year... the ones who get in travel from all the boroughs, long island, etc to attend. It's an extremely sought-after school! Xavier is nothing to sniff at either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:07 PM Flag
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NP- if you give money to an organization that runs a crime ring for pedophiles, you should not be surprised by the lack of compassion in other areas. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:34 PM Flag
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Ouch! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:20 PM Flag
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Imagine if the PP had said something inflammatory about another religious group? Anti-Catholic sentiment is nothing more than vitriol and bigotry. If you paint all Catholics with the same brush, do you also paint Muslims with a similar broad stroke due to the actions of the 9/11 bombers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:26 PM Flag
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“Don’t bash an organized pedophile ring” is an odd hill to die on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.20, 07:12 AM Flag
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I am OR am I grew up Catholic but what they did was awful. They actually put priests that molest kids into schools for poor kids and kids that have mental health issues because they would be less likely to complain. Two of my neighbors were molested by priests and have never been the same. That priest was transferred and never went to jail. I am still best friends with their sister. Another friend became a drug addict after being molested by a nun. I would never give a dime to the Catholic Church. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.20, 11:55 AM Flag
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I think Regis is free FWIW. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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It is but I am sure OP donates and puts money in the envelope. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.07.20, 11:56 AM Flag
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And..... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone on who gave up drinking. I did a few days ago, surprised how much I think of it at dinner and crave it. How long until this goes away? TIA 43 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:54 PM Flag
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No, but I want to. I never want to have just one drink. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:57 PM Flag
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Also, I feel drinking is a lot worse for you than we are acknowledging. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:59 PM Flag
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I agree which is why I decided it was time to stop. I watched a documentary about what alcohol does to your brain and I was shocked. Not getting drunk, just having a few really effects your brain. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:34 PM Flag
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what documentary was that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 12:12 PM Flag
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Me neither. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:35 PM Flag
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I gave it up 20 years ago and sometimes I still crave it. at a dinner party. or when I see young people at a cafe on a Friday afternoon. I really loved drinking [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:58 PM Flag
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PP: That's also what I love the most, social drinking especially outside in warm weather. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:01 PM Flag
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I gave up smoking about 20 years ago too. I also still crave that sometimes. When I'm 90, I'm going to sit outside with friends and have a beer and a smoke. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:03 PM Flag
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NP: I quit when I turned 30. I'm 47 now and just finally stopped having those dreams where I'm smoking (it was literally every night for a while). The week before the COVID shutdown in NYC I bummed a cigarette off of a coworker and it was GLORIOUS. Ironically, being thrust into a pandemic with a virus that attacks the lungs made me thankful I had quit. But, seriously - I think about that cigarette alot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:12 PM Flag
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Did friends treat you differently? I'm concerned about how I am going to be greeted in a social setting now. Everyone I know drinks socially. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:37 PM Flag
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No one will ever notice if you don't point it out. No one cares as long as they can still drink. And all my friends drink. Mostly, I am an inspiration for friends who may be considering giving up. I have never had a negative reaction. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:39 PM Flag
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This. I quit drinking 20 years ago (I had terrible migraines and was eliminating things from my diet). In 20 years, only two people have ever said anything, and my friends are all social drinkers. No one cares if you don't make a big deal out of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:22 PM Flag
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Same. I do not drink but go to bars with friends and nobody cares. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 10:33 AM Flag
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Friends didn't, but my social life changed. At around 11pm, I'm ready to go home. In old days, I'd be opening another bottle. But -- that's middle age too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:22 PM Flag
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I agree about the damage it does, my mom had dementia pretty early on, giving up drinking is one of the ways I take care of my brain health. Plus I don't really get the stress relief that I think I am going to get from having a drink (or 3). I always think it sounds like a good idea but then I just feel groggy really. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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I still crave it sometimes but the longer you go and better you feel it becomes easier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:09 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:36 PM Flag
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I gave it up for health reasons. The habitual desire went away after a few days but the psychological triggers still happen months/years later. I was not an alcoholic but I enjoyed drinking and still miss it at times. I really crave it when I’m cooking dinner on the weekends with dh and he’s having something. I tell myself, if I really want a drink I can have one after dinner. And I never do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:21 PM Flag
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I also love cookind and drinking with dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:22 PM Flag
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Np: me too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:51 PM Flag
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Ya know, sometimes I feel high and mighty for having absolutely no desire to drink... then I remember my weed habit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:42 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:29 PM Flag
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Still better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:37 PM Flag
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It feels like there needs to be an inbetween program for drinking that isn't 100% never drink again. I mean, is that just only drink 1x a week? I know I can give it up entirely if I need to, but I don't believe I'm an alcoholic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:58 PM Flag
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I replied below and have this to add - you don't have to be an "alcoholic" to decide to quit drinking. I think that kept me from quitting for so so long. In fact, I remember hoping I would never become an alcoholic - because that would mean I would have to quit drinking. And I loved drinking. There is no reason you need to quit drinking, other than your life can be so much better without it. I never would have believed that, but last year (the year I quit) was the best year of my life for just that reason. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:36 PM Flag
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Thank you so much for your post! I am separated with two young children. I have a lot of decisions to make of the next year and my life will change dramatically. All for the better. Although I am not an alcoholic, I have lately been drinking every night. I like to work out and want to have a clean life without alcohol and be of clear mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:02 PM Flag
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Good for you - you can do it! I can't believe I worked out so much and ate so well and still drank for so long. I knew deep down that it was the one thing holding me back. As an added bonus, I've lost 15 lbs and look and feel great. Quitting drinking also helps you be more there for your kids. I was always trying to get through bedtime, bath etc so that I could have a glass of wine, and now I am much more present. That will mean a lot to them as their worlds change this coming year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:22 PM Flag
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Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I appreciate it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 11:24 AM Flag
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I did about a week ago cuz I’m getting fat and trying to make a change [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:03 PM Flag
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Same here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:43 PM Flag
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it will really help you lose weight not just because of the calories you won't be ingesting, but also, it'll help eliminate your sugar cravings. good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:48 PM Flag
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Thanks. I hope so! Gained 10 lbs on top of 15 from pregnancies/aging so have a long way to go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:26 PM Flag
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Are you adding in supports to help you or just trying to white knuckle it. I ask because I tried over and over to quit, but would crave a drink come Friday and then give in. Once I put supports in place and really changed my attitude it became almost effortless. I read This Naked Mind, the blog Tired of Thinking About Drinking and a bunch of other sober blogs and podcasts. It's been about 18 months now and I wish had done it sooner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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^^^ I also like this statement that I read the other day: "“Believing the lie we are sold that you have to hit rock bottom before you quit drinking is like accepting that your only choice is to find out how bad things can get. It isn’t. You don’t have to go there—you can pivot right now and instead decide that you want to see how good things can get. Which one sounds better to you?” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:32 PM Flag
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I'm so happy for you! I don't have any supports but in life I typically am quite strong willed when I want to be. I gave up coffee a few years back and have not gone back, which is shocking to me as I loved it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 11:04 PM Flag
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try to replace it with a seltzer water with lemon or tea after dinner. I love wine with dinner too, but I found that the feeling passes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:45 PM Flag
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I gave it up for about a year and a half. After 30 days it got much easier. But then after a year, it got much harder again. So I went back to moderate drinking. Since I have experienced long bouts of not drinking, I realize that drinking is never the answer to having a bad day, stress, celebrating etc. I never feel better after drinking. So I really pick and chose carefully when I do drink. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:13 PM Flag
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You can do it! I don't have a drop Mon-Thurs and then savor my glass of wine or beer come Friday evening. Its almost time! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:41 PM Flag
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Gave it up 2 weeks ago. I take notice of when I crave it, and how long the craving lasts. I find it passes after not too long, and that nice, clear-headed feeling in the mornings is what's keeping me going. Stick with it! You got this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 01:25 AM Flag
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I agree. I almost two weeks in and the habitual part of drinking has subsided. I also find the current situation the perfect time to stop drinking. The lack of parties and sitting at an outdoor cafe with friends certainly helps! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 11:26 AM Flag
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I have Been cutting way back over the couple years. More successfully at times than others. But for me, I think the first 2 weeks is the hardest. Once you get past that it gets easier. Outside of few glasses of wine on a couple occasions I haven’t been drinking during quarantine and I am not really even thinking about it. Although now that the weather is getting nicer, the rose and summer cocktails are about to come calling. I’m going to try to keep it up though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 01:39 AM Flag
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Late to your thread but gave it up 3+ years ago. I would say the cravings lasted a few months. I ate so much sugar that summer! I’ll watch this thread if you have questions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 11:59 AM Flag
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My in laws are nearly 90 and have been drinking since young teens. They are in amazing shape for their age. Very active sailors even now. I doubt they ever binged even once but one drink a day, usually their gin and tonic or wine. I am amazed it seemingly hasn’t affected them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 12:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Just read this piece by Chad Sanders in the NYT. It blew me away with how it explained aspects about what is happening now - so well written and heartfelt! I think it clarifies so much of what POC go through: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/05/opinion/whites-anti-blackness-protests.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage. This is such a difficult time to process for all of us. I think this op-ed adds a great deal to my understanding. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:49 PM Flag
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Thanks for sharing this. It was well written and I can empathize. All the onslaught of letters/posts in social media come across as forced and fake to me. I’m glad I’m not active on social media. It would’ve been difficult to stay mum or post something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:06 PM Flag
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I'm more amazed by the self-obsessiveness of black people. When do you ever see us mention native americans say, who have even worse stats than black people in almost everything. I am black and this DRIVES ME CRAZY. And then all the white people just pander to it. Ugh. We are just repeating the self-obsessiveness we decry whites for. Look into William Barber of the Poor People's Movement. Now he is someone worth following. Also, don't read one person's article and think you know how I feel. Black people are not a monolith. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:10 PM Flag
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OP - Thanks for your response. I didn't mean to treat his article as definitive; I do think it is a well-written and useful point of view for all to consider. I am a non black POC with high school aged children. They are going to some protests and trying to process what they are seeing. We are all trying to understand the world we live in, and how to respond to this and hopefully see it get better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:37 PM Flag
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I love that you brought up the poor people's movement. we were already seeing organic labor uprisings like the states with teachers strikes and fights to raise the minimum wage. real change will come from these movements. politicians are mostly swayed by monied interests. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:54 PM Flag
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I have feelings about this piece. It bothered me. I work closely with several black colleagues - we share an office and work with the same students. We've been through some things - lets just say that. The day of the Floyd murder - before the protests even started. I texted them to check on their mental health - hoping they were OK. These are people I talk to all the time. One person responded immediately - the other ignored my text. An acknowledgment is what you would do for a friend - someone you see all the time. I didn't just jump in - I've been in it with this person for 4 years. I think they will always see me as the white enemy to be honest. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. That's how it is with some folks - they are too angry to turn around. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Seeing a lot of social media posts from white people dismissing what's happening by claiming they "don't see color" and "if you're a good person, that's the only thing I judge." This is how I was raised (in a predominantly white suburb) so I understand the mindset behind it, but I have been trying to figure out how to articulate (to myself and others) why this is wrong. For one, it makes love and respect conditional (i.e. "if you're a good person, I don't care what race you are") - what if someone isn't "good" by your definition, though? And what if the reason for that stems from systemic inequity (i.e. cyclical poverty, over-policing, etc.)? Would love to talk this through if anyone cares to support or counter this... 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:49 PM Flag
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I don't see color = I don't see racism because it makes me uncomfortable but don't call ME racist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:56 PM Flag
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OP: Definitely this! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:01 PM Flag
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This is pretty much how I always interpret the "I don't see color!" comments from somebody. Once, in the last year or two, an obviously-racist (to everybody but himself!) white man at a backyard cookout I was at said to a black girlfriend of mine, "I don't see color!" My friend replied, "if you can't see color, then you can't see patterns. Like your patterns of racism." She walked away leaving the white man speechless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:12 PM Flag
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Love this!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:24 PM Flag
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I think it is more like I don't see color= MY race has never been an issue for me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:40 PM Flag
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Not directly related to your comment, as you are discussing more personal level interactions/perceptions. But for me, an important moment was when I saw some data on net worth of families by ethnicity. The median net worth of a white family in the US is approx $150K, of an Asian family around $160K, of a hispanic family $9K and of a black family $6K (not income, net worth, savings, property, investments, etc). For a long time, I've been thinking that 150K is really inadequate in a face of a medical issue, serious accident, long-term unemployment, etc. But then I realized that living with only 5-10K as a safety net is an experience I am completely unable to relate to. It means constant anxiety that a minor thing can lead to a financial disaster for your family. It means inability to take risks, inability to invest in the future. I picked up myself and moved to two different countries, spending several thousands in the process, without thinking about it a second time. None of that is a possibility when you start with zero resources. And this is the median. I.e. 50% of families have even less than that. It's really something I can't forget about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:57 PM Flag
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Honestly, most folks don't even have a safety net at all. Paycheck to paycheck with bad credit and no savings means when the money runs out, the money runs out - there's no credit card to charge the groceries to, or savings account to pay the electric bill with. So then there are late fees, bounced check fees, etc. It's very expensive to be poor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:06 PM Flag
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^basically, it's beyond even about worrying about what you'd do in the face of an emergency or what you will do in the future. It's survival. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:37 PM Flag
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I'm white, and there's something about the phrase "I don't see color" that irks me. To me it positions race/color as something that you're "looking beyond". Like "I'm looking beyond your blackness and only judge you on your character." It still implies that color is part of the equation and you're deliberately looking past it. I don't use this phrase, because if I find it sort of annoying/patronizing as a white person, I imagine it would be even more insufferable if I was hearing it as a POC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:10 PM Flag
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also nobody says this to a fellow white person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:28 PM Flag
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I think it can go both ways, while the 'I don't see color' statement has been associated with vailed racism but if someone truly means it, it's a good way to live. You can 'not see color' but still understand that minorities have it a big harder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:11 PM Flag
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OP: Definitely. At the superficial level the intention is nice: "I won't judge someone negatively based solely on their skin color" (though I think we can all call bullshit on this most of time...) But by not acknowledging someone's color, it means you're not acknowledging all that they are and what they have to deal with. My DH is a POC, and we have always talked openly and bluntly about race in our house with our kids, just matter of factly. Then I think of my mother, though, and how when we were growing up, if she was talking about a black person, she'd whisper the word "black" - as if saying the word black would flag her as a racist or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:19 PM Flag
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In my mind whenever I heard “I don’t see color”, I thought, “you’re a liar” [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:18 PM Flag
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Ignoring differences vs. celebrating differences. It comes off as "I like you (in spite of your blackness)" as opposed to "I like you (and your blackness)". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:40 PM Flag
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THIS. well said. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:54 PM Flag
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I used to think it was good to "not see color" but the problem is it fails to address that racism does exist, years ago I thought this was the right way to raise my kids but I learned that they need to understand what is really going on. I don't think that statement is always an attempt to be racist but it is naive [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:41 PM Flag
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OP: Yes, I was brought up this way (not just at home, but in children's programming, school, Girl Scouts, church sunday school, etc.) and naive is the perfect way to describe how so many people are. And it's clearly just as dangerous as overt racism. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:44 PM Flag
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I remember very clearly being called out for this sort of viewpoint 30 years ago. At the time I was a college freshman, little white girl from New England who thought I understood what racism was. At the time - late 80s - we weren't having these conversations. I thought it was enough to just think and say (cringe) that color didn't matter and we were all the same or something along those lines. I was corrected very quickly and succinctly by someone who disabused me of my white, suburban notion that color didn't matter. I've been thinking about that conversation for decades and even more so in recent times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:51 PM Flag
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They aren’t dismissing necessarily, they are just confused as to what exactly they have to do about it. What is expected of everyone who happens to look white. And I say LOOK white because this is what it’s about now, which makes it even harder to understand what course of action needs to be take. It’s not about class or your political leaning or even ethnic background or immigration status, it’s become purely about color of your skin [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:17 PM Flag
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Not sure what you are asking. Someone who isn’t good mean someone who wants to commit crime against me. And I care less about the skin color in that case or even their trigger condition. When someone is breaking into your home or mugs you on the street do YOU really care to stop to think what so I’m economic factors or systemic oppression caused this person to attack or will you just start screaming for police? Crime is crime, what pushed the person to commit it isn’t going to minimize the damage experienced by the victim. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:22 PM Flag
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The trigger conditions is something for the policy makers to discuss and fix. We can only vote for the right candidates that we think can fix the deep societal issues or vote for laws to be passed. If you are on the receiving end of the crime, in that moment your primary reflex is to protect yourself, not a time for contemplation. And if you got hurt badly I doubt you would not press charges just because the person assaulting you is disadvantaged. Will you, OP just move on and say, hey this person needs my stuff more than me, I am not calling the police. Or will you say. It’s ok for this person to rape me or injure me during burglary and the outlet for their anger, because it’s justified. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:31 PM Flag
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its great if THEY don't see color but plenty of people do, so its discounting black people's experiences of racism. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:27 PM Flag
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Everyone who isn't blind SEES color. Don't people remember their kids commenting on different skin colors when they first started talking. That's when the conversation about race has to begin. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:32 PM Flag
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Of course people see color. How do you describe people for pete's sake -- size, race, gender -- almost always [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:30 PM Flag
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lots of people (OK, white people) are squeamish abut using race in this context. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:53 PM Flag
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It's a lame figure of speech that people use to say they don't let color influence how they treat a person (which is usually a lie). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:52 PM Flag
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There is no question that systemic inequity exists, but I think there is also a difference between someone who naively says they "don't see color" and someone who doesn't "judge color" due to their limited personal experiences. You can handle this however you want, but my personal style is to keep the positive intention at the forefront and use this as a chance to inform. Since you feel that your friends have good intentions, maybe discuss why you think it is important to see/acknowledge race as a part of someone's identity. Some don't have racial biases, some are not aware of the ones they have, and some are ruled by theirs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:10 PM Flag
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THIS! People mean it “in a good way”, though I understand now that it’s not great. So recognize good intentions, perhaps unknowing/ignorant of socially-charged effects. Some people are using this time to pile on to others, but realize that it’s much more effective to explain gently without guns ablaze. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 04:44 PM Flag
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These are people who have never heard of hidden bias. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 10:57 PM Flag
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Did you all see the thread a few weeks ago where 5 or 6 UBers claimed they didn't "see" Chrissy Teigen as Asian? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.06.20, 06:58 PM Flag
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I thought that was very weird as well! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.08.20, 01:48 AM Flag
[ - ] How would you describe your cooking style? Do you cook more of one cuisine? 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:30 PM Flag
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Mediterranean, lots of vegetables, soups, beans, very little meat. I am open to cooking any cuisines. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:32 PM Flag
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Microwave [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:35 PM Flag
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Ily [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:41 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:06 PM Flag
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Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, Jewish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:46 PM Flag
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My dc don't recognize a meal if it doesn't have fish or meat in it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:52 PM Flag
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Mainly Italian/Mediterranean, some English. I'm also a "clean as you go" cook. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:57 PM Flag
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Yes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:44 PM Flag
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A lot of Ina Garten and All Recipes recipes. Or things on the web. I love to grill. Recently been delving into more Indian and Asian foods, but just dabbling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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These days? Costco frozen entrees [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:17 PM Flag
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Yup. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 09:17 PM Flag
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Whatever is edible by 2 adults and 2 toddlers (3 and 1) - lots of pasta variations, tacos, kebabs, burgers, quiche, etc. I can’t wait for the day when I can make something more interesting again... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:19 PM Flag
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In the summer lots of meat, fish and veggies grilled, and salads. We focus on fresh incrediants often eating things that were bought that day. In the winter it's stews, roasts, and pizza nights, and the fall is barbeque season. DH and I love to cook together, the kids are now in on it too, it's a typical weekend activity for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:27 PM Flag
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I can follow the most complex recipes like a gourmand and have wowed as a result. That said, I absolutely suck at improvising. I think I need to sit down with salt, fat, acid, heat and get my learning on to become better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:38 PM Flag
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I'm the opposite. I can cook all kinds of impressive meals off the cuff but if you give me a recipe for boxed mac and cheese, I manage to ruin it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:08 PM Flag
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A mix of mediterranean and healthy? A bit protein heavy, lots of grilled meats and vegetables at this time of year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 05:42 PM Flag
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I cook NYC style food, as a born and raised new Yorker. Lots of southern Italian dishes, Caribbean dishes, Chinese, and typical Jewish foods. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:09 PM Flag
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Whatever Sam Sifton or Yotam Ottolenghi throw my way today. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 06:18 PM Flag
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Fiddler On The Roof [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 07:51 PM Flag
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Short order. I should work in a diner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:09 PM Flag
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heating up [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 08:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Question for doctors - are you sending your dcs to sleepaway camp this year? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:12 PM Flag
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If you are still questioning, then don’t do it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you know anyone who always has to be on trend? It could be fashion as well as diet, exercise, home decor, etc 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 03:54 PM Flag
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A lot of people I work with do. They're not dicks about it, just get excited about the latest things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 03:55 PM Flag
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My cousin. When Barre was all the rage, she would go. When Game of Thrones was new, she had to be the know it all. When Kobe Bryant died everything was #girldad. She claims that she would never want to have a son and her DH apparently feels the same. Now it is these porch pictures during COVID. Of course everything is posted online. She very much is a know it all so it is fitting of her personality. I find her to be insecure and one to overcompensate. . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:01 PM Flag
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That sounds exhausting [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:16 PM Flag
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I don’t dislike her it’s just that she has such a strong personality and really does not value others’ opinion so I just keep my distance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 06.05.20, 04:22 PM Flag
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My SIL is every single trend connected to the era without effort. It's such a unique thing. This is not to snub her - she's salt of the earth / I love her. She's not into fashion or hair or being flashy - it's almost like Forrest Gump - in the thick of what's happening she's in the middle. [ Reply | </