< Return to Talk
10.04.14, 15:04 PM General Topics
198 replies
Please help me with this problem, UB. At what point would you consider pulling your child from college or looking into transfer? DD is a freshman at an extremely prestigious college where we are very proud of her. From the real start she was put in dorms in a room facing towards the dorm of some rowdy older boy athletes, where they are having loud parties during the week and where there was a very strong smell of pot going to her room nearly every day. (My dd does not do any kind of drugs and barely drinks.) This went on for weeks starting when she first arrived. She tried politely to ask them to do their business somewhere else and they laugh at her, so she finally called campus security when she smelled pot being smoken again. Then after this she find out that pot is still criminal in this state so the boys now have a legal issue plus they are suspended from their teams for two weeks because of their team and college rules. Now she is being harassed and treated poorly where she is crying on the phone to me and her dad that she hates it now and she may wants to come home. Several friends say to me that it is likely this may not get better and that maybe dd should probably just try to transfer. Should we encourage her to try to transfer? Or teach her to stand up for being in the right and she has as much of right to be at the college as these boys? As her parents should we try to intervene with the University in some way? Maybe see an attorney? We feel very strongly that our dd should not be penalized for wanting to have a safe quiet living space or not be harassed by other students. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 10.04.14, 03:04 PM Flag
 

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Most colleges have healthy or substance free dorms. She needs to immediately email the head of housing that she is being harrassed, and they need to move her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:06 PM Flag
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this. Don't wait. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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Op! Thank you! This is a very good suggestion and I did not know this was possible. Although her dorm is a freshman dorm and I think they are all supposed to be no drugs or no alcohol. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Yes, but most schools have "substance free" or quiet dorms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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I lived in a quiet dorm in college. Loved it. Never once considered moving. I could go out if I wanted to, but I wasn't a partier or drinker and being a quiet dorm was a huge benefit. Plus, I had my own room. Heaven. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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At my DDs school, the percent of kids wanting substance free is increasing every year, they have had to make more and more dorms quiet ones. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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That is far different then a clean and sober dorm or quiet dorm..they exist [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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That's weird that they put them up against upperclass dorms. Although I guess the demarcation line has to be somewhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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THIS! She needs to be moved to a new dorm building asap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 06:12 PM Flag
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Oh boy..your DD does not sound like she learned a lot of life skills. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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Like don't be a tattle tale and find a solution that works for everyone [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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BS. Its time for women to say football players are not god! Parents need to get involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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They are adults. Land the helicopter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:11 PM Flag
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Right. So boys can do whatever they want. I disagree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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No one said that. Taking responsibility and acting sensibly is what OPs DD should have done, she did not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Girls smoke pot too :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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LOL, not at 17,18,19,20. Not in this society. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 10:48 AM Flag
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Parents do NOT need to get involved. Jeez... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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I don't care if they were boys girls athletes or not. Ops dd made a big mistake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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Wrong - she is in the right here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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We will have to agree to disagree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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this - she screwed up but hopefully she can learn, she needs to transfer dorms and then mind her own business - people drink and smoke pot in college; it's actually imo the place to do it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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She did not screw up. Its time for women to stand up and say football players do not rule the world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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What is your issue with football players? Op only said athletes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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i don't care that they are football or not - they are kids in college and this is what kids in college do - if ops dd does not like it she needs to remove herself from that situation - dd needs to go to housing and request different accommodations. This is not difficult, christ in 1985 I did it because I hated my roommate. I am sure things have not changed that much that you cannot request a transfer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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agree 100% [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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THIS! x1000000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:23 PM Flag
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this - dd needs to learn to stand up for herself, but also not alienate the world. why didn't she look into changing dorms or speak to an RA, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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All this run to the teacher crap for the past 13 years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:15 PM Flag
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Op. Actually I was very proud that she was not afraid to stand up for herself. Maybe it is not a life skill to smoke pot where it is against the law. Also my dd was not aware of the state law there since pot is decriminalized in our state. She did not intend to make this much trouble for anyone and it kind of just is out of hand this one time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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You should be proud of her. Dont listen to the people, who are likely parents of boys who think they have the right to behaive badly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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Agree. But don't get involved. She needs to take action herself. If it is a big school, she should move to new dorm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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The mom can and should suggest course of action. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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Op. OK. I am hoping there is a chance that something else will not make this necessary but I am relieve no one here thinks transfer is necessary since it is a big school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:53 PM Flag
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Good luck to her. I'm on your side. And yes as someone else said - lots of kids transfer and move around because of dorm difficulties. I know I had to move one year. NBD [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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College kids can't party? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Bullshit. What she did is nothing to be proud of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:22 PM Flag
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Waves to parent of boy who wants to harrass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:24 PM Flag
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hi, team mom! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:52 PM Flag
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#1 She's a Nark and went nuclear by calling the cops. She could have asked them to put a towell under the door and run a fan to keep it from wafting in the hallway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 04:17 AM Flag
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It's kind of stupid to openly smoke weed in a state where it's still criminal but a lot of kids don't think it's a big deal these days. Particularly if they're from states where it's decriminalized. If they were doing coke that's one thing; fewer people today would bust someone else just for smelling pot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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np. It still happens. The dc of some friends of ours just got arrested and expelled from a college in CT (even with decriminalization laws) because someone reported smelling weed and campus security located the room. (In that case though, I guess they found a lot more than just a joint.) You can definitely still get into some very large amounts of trouble for weed these days. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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Trinity? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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No but same city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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I know exactly what you are talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:46 PM Flag
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Agreed. College students have been partying and smoking pot forever. This is hardly new and scandalous behavior, and acting as if it is just makes OP sound naive. DD has a right to live where she doesn't need to deal with this, which is why substance-free dorms exist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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WHAT? OP, don't listen to this. The boys are the ones who haven't learned life skills. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:23 PM Flag
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She has to finish the semester. She may need to move schools, if she does, she should not be a tatletale. If she moves schools, she needs to find one with quiet/honors dorms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:07 PM Flag
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She has the same right to quiet enjoyment of her dorm as anyone else. That is not being a tattletale. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Ofcourse she does that is why she should have requested a transfer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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No, that is why SHE has the right to stay and football players need to obey rules. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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Take the stick out. It's college, students party, some of them legally. That is why there are quiet dorms for those who can't tolerate it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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She can't. The apple didnt fall far from the tree. And mom is so busy taking the moral high ground she will never understand her dds mistake [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Tell your son to obey rules [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:34 PM Flag
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Ok. Stand tall on your soapbox. Now what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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Ofcourse she does that is why she should have requested a transfer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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Not if the school has a dorm that is designated for quiet enjoyment and she is not living in it. Depending on the rules of the school, they may be entitled to have parties up until a certain hour. We don't know this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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Did you read OP? If they are illegally smoking dope, not allowed anywhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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She should move to a dorm that is designated for like minded students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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BFD. Did op send this child off to college with the belief that college students do t smoke pot (don't think so since she references the legality of pot in her home state) and with the belief it was her responsibility to report drug use? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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and OP's daughter barely drinks, but does which, assuming she is between 17 and 19 is not allowed anywhere either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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SING IT SISTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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What are they actually doing to her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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I would suggest she ask the University for a dorm transfer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:08 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:12 PM Flag
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+1 She addressed the problem neighbor-to-neighbor and was ignored, so escalating to security was the right thing to do. But now she is being harassed by the "never snitch" contingent (which, let's face it, has always been a regime of bullying by the people who don't want to be snitched on), and deserves to be moved to a better dorm. She (not her mother) should ask to move to a quiet or honors dorm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:16 PM Flag
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Cans he just transfer dorms? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:09 PM Flag
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Op that is one suggestion, do you think she should ask as the student and her dad and I do not be involved? She is very upset and maybe I could find a Dean of students for her to email this weekend. Right now her dad and I are telling her to stay where she is since it has only been not yet two weeks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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She needs to be handling this on her own. She can find the Dean of Students on her own. Back off. Be supportive but she needs to take action. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 06:39 PM Flag
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NP-I think she should try to handle on her own--you can help her find and access sources of support, but don't get involved unless you really have to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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No. Find email for head of housing, and suggest DD email her ASAP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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Yes, this is a good time for her to stand on her own two feet. You can give advice and a shoulder to cry on, but she needs to find out who to go to and ask for a dirm transfer. If she had the guts to turn in those guys, she has the guts and ability to do this for herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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There must be a residence director she should talk to [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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Mom has to immediately suggest DD email head of residential life. There may be many RDs that report to that person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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+1 Just make sure she keeps calm and is very direct about what she thinks a change would help. Is the college very large? That will help in getting her into a new environment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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You can and should coach her. Get hold of email address of head of housing (may be called residential life at some schools), STAT, discuss with DD how to contact him/her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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She will probably need to finish the year and by then she'll know if she wants to move. She can try to change dorms and see how it goes. It'll probably get better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:10 PM Flag
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Change dorms, not universities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:13 PM Flag
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THIS. What university is she going to transfer to where no one smokes pot? Seriously? Brigham Young or something? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:02 PM Flag
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You should have taught your dd not to be a rat. My goodness mom, what were you thinking? She smells pot BFD. What on earth made her think this would turn out any differently than it did? She isn't standing up for anything. She is being a pita TATTLETAIL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:14 PM Flag
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Personally, I've very sensitive to smoke of any sort and that would be a big problem for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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Then move, don't call the police. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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She isn't in the same building! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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I would really not want to have to smell pot all the time. Part of the problem is that there is no air conditioning in most dorms and her windows were probably open all the time. If only she'd waited until October ... but oh well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:41 PM Flag
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Oh please, she has a right to complain about this ridiculous scenario. Yes, it might not win her any friends, but that's also a life lesson. Her real friends won't care, and it's better than being a doormat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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oh please, she is not a tattletale. The boys are harrassing her and she stood up. It is time for girls and women to say we have as much right to be here as you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:19 PM Flag
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They were not harassing her. They were partying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:29 PM Flag
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Read on. She is being harassed now that the athletes have to live with the consequences of breaking laws and policies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:17 PM Flag
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What are you, Mob mom?? The smell of pot makes me physically ill, and I'd complain as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:20 PM Flag
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Scratch the state of Colorado off the list of places to transfer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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You're an IDIOT! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:34 PM Flag
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She should stand up for herself. She doesn't have to live like this...it's against the rules (and most likely the law) for god's sake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:16 PM Flag
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I have a dd in college as well. I feel like there is something missing from this story. Doesn't her dorm have Resident Heads who are faculty or at least adults? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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Many RAs are a year older than students and do not really know what to do, and do not refer problems up the chain. The worst situation I heard of was at NYU where a student had her 4 YO move into her room in a dorm for single students. The RA said no moves allowed in first two weeks. The other suite mates went viral, and NYU fixed it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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Op. She does have this, they are called Peers Helping New Students. They have been very kind but there is really nothing involving her now. The harassment she says is like students looking at her or not looking at her. No one comes to her room and no one wants to bring her to parties. It is not anything happening to her at the dorm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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That's not harrassment... that's just not being friends with her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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But she doesn't want to go to parties anyways, I thought.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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Not going to parties at all is a lot different from being kept up at night by other people's parties in your own dorm. Mom admitted that she drinks a little, which is pretty normal. I don't see the hypocrisy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:03 PM Flag
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You cannot expect 19-20 YOs to deal with this. Have DD email head of Residential Life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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Deal with what? Not being invited to a party? Some people looking at her, others not looking at her? This thread is getting crazier and crazier [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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You know it's weird. When I think back to my RAs in college they did seem so worldly and so much older. But you're totally right. They're still just kids themselves. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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That is not remotely close to harassment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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Why would she want to go to a party? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:56 PM Flag
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lol so she can "barely drink" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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She better not. I guarantee you if she ever has a drink in her hand that photo will go viral [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:07 PM Flag
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Don't call this harrasment, it is boycott. She is being boycotted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 05:32 AM Flag
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You should NOT I reeve e and their is no reason for an attorney. THAT type of thinking created your dds lack of judgement [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:17 PM Flag
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wtf? this would really depend on what kind of harassment is involved. If, for example, these guys were theatening to find and rape her in the hallways, I don't think it would be out of line. Not saying that's what's happening, but it did actually happen to a girl i knew in college. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:23 PM Flag
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^They could be creating a hostile environment that impedes her right to an education. Compare to workplace harassment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:26 PM Flag
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Agree, but mom should coach DD how to first resolve internally (and I think mom wants to, she seems to have listened to suggestions here). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:27 PM Flag
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Yes, ITA.-PP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:28 PM Flag
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She says the harassment is not looking in her direction and not coming over to her room to hang out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:40 PM Flag
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OMG. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:58 PM Flag
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hahaha [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:09 PM Flag
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Well what does she expect [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:27 PM Flag
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Did her school force everyone to invite the whole class to birthday parties? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:36 PM Flag
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Op. I meant just to understand what kind of harassment COULD be illegal and to understand her rights. Not to make a lawsuit over anything. Even I know that is ridiculous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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You need to stop feeding this fire. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:06 PM Flag
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OK thanks. That is probably very good advice and I was just asking. But I respect your answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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Call the student residences office, they will move her. Tell them you want her far away. Chances are they won't even remember what she looks like when she is out of there. Last resort is transferring her. I would also consider an off campus apartment [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:18 PM Flag
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Why should the mom do this? DD should be making her own arrangements. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:21 PM Flag
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She is her child and she needs help. I worked in campus res and it was the parents that always called us, not many kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:25 PM Flag
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Yes, likely because YOU did not train RAs to enforce rules and ensure a good environment for all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:30 PM Flag
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If roommates are fighting/ not getting along, that has nothing to do with RA's dopey. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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uh, when RAs tolerate illegal behaivor, they should be asking for help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Op. I think I am capable of making a call without being unreasonable. I am very concerned with her mental state right now. It is hard enough to be away at college for the first time with the pressure without these social problems and I do plan to help her. I just wonder if it is helpful for me to call with my calm head instead of her going to a Dean crying. Right now she cries whenever she talks about it. She does have some good friends which is a help. I am very grateful for that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:32 PM Flag
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Yes call for her. Totally normal, like I said most of the parents called us for big issues like his. Kids were always being moved around for issues/ problems. It's not out of the ordinary [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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Thank you. I am thinking maybe her dad and I should take a day off Monday and maybe even drive to see her tomorrow and stay at a hotel nearby and take her off campus for a little time. If she wants us to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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Ok, now I know you're fake. Thanks for the entertainment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:28 PM Flag
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I don't know. I went to school 20+ years ago and there were PLENTY of frosh parents who would have done this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 05:04 PM Flag
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it's not normal or should not be normal; bunch of freaking teenagers that have not learned how to manage their lives....so sad actually [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 07:25 PM Flag
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Why not let dd try first? Parents don't need to jump in immediately. Let her learn how to handle this stuff. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 11:09 PM Flag
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don't do this for her, really let her do it - will help her feel in control of her life and give her more confidence, you can support her and allow her to vent and even push her in the right direction but she is in college and should learn to take care of herself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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So right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 11:10 PM Flag
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Because I STRONGLY suspect mom told her to report them in the first place :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:33 PM Flag
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+100 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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So what. Moms of girls are sick and tired of football players and macho boys thinking they rule the world. Its time for change. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:54 PM Flag
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Football mom - talk to someone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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Hi OP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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So what. Every student has a right to live in a reasonable environment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:32 PM Flag
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I suspect this as well. And it probably was not the best advice. Mom should have helped DD negotiate this issue without going straight to the nuclear option -- security complaint. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 01:54 PM Flag
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She has to transfer to another university. She'll never make friends where she is now. But she might have to go to Baylor or BYU or Liberty (not joking) if she feels strongly about not being around pot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:31 PM Flag
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You are so dramatic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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Bull shit to the max. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:39 PM Flag
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Nope, just being blunt. I've had a long career in college & university settings. Pot is on almost every campus. You can't spend more than a week on any campus (except maybe the conservative Christian ones) without catching a few whiffs here & there. If that's a problem for her, she needs to either transfer or get used to it. I'm amazed at how naive parents are about this. There is not a single faculty member, RA, coach or administrator I know who hasn't turned a blind eye on many occasions. Otherwise, they'd have to fire many of their faculty & staff & expel too many students. Historical context - this started in the Vietnam era years, morphed into more serious & expensive drugs in the 80's, and has turned back to pot now. It's even more accceptable now that some states are legalizing it. The college campus is a world unto itself and most parents are clueless about this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:16 PM Flag
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solid reply. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 05:17 PM Flag
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Will employers discriminate against me as a graduate of Liberty U? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 02:02 PM Flag
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Talk to the Dean of Students. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:35 PM Flag
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First go to Head of Residential Life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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1st go to dorm director or ra. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 11:11 PM Flag
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I love some of these answers--Be a doormat, girls! Having the cool boys like you and making and keeping friends is SO much more important than your comfort and your education. Barf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:36 PM Flag
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oh plllease, that's not even what this is about. She's complaining about these guys smoking weed. She's going to have trouble being "comfortable" in most dorms, and around many college kids, if she's outraged by partying and smoking. She can move into a substance-free dorm if it bothers her. It's not about being a doormat, it's about understanding that not everyone will cater to your preferences. I realize weed is illegal, but it's naive to think it's not commonplace in universities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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OR-Funny, I went to college and lived in dorms and didn't have to smell weed every day. Occasionally it's fine, but every day or almost every day it's a nuisance, period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:19 PM Flag
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+100000000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:32 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 02:19 AM Flag
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She isn't even in the same dorm???? WTF! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:37 PM Flag
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I can smell pot in my apt when people smoke it on the street below. And I'm pregnant, and it's disgusting. If it happened every night, I'd call the cops. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:38 PM Flag
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Which means the boys must be pretty darn out of control. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 02:20 AM Flag
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I hate to say it, but your dd picked probably the worst kind of group on campus to antagonize. A freshman girl taking on upperclass male athletes? Yeah, I would have advised against that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:42 PM Flag
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Especially considering it was the next dorm over and she just needed to shut her window. I can't imagine someone being this stupid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Many dorms do not have A/C. Tired of boys thinking they rule the world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:20 PM Flag
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Girls party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:36 PM Flag
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So what? Kudos to the girl! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:33 PM Flag
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The same people here would be livid over someone in an apartment next to them doing this. Yet OK for boys/football players to make life miserable for the kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:43 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 05:20 PM Flag
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The best defense is an offense: tell her to carry her mattress around campus and from class-to-class. Contact the local media. Tell media it's about "bad boy" frat behavior. Get the gurls behind her. Top it off with an interview with NY Magazine! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:45 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:00 PM Flag
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Awesome! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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Wow. You think that little of rape victims to make this frivolous comparison? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 11:39 AM Flag
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Weird. I was just looking at the YY for my son's college and there was a Yak about "whoever is the *** who called proctors on the kids smoking quietly behind ***, you are what's wrong with this school" ... it was up voted like 150 times. Then again I guess this probably happens every single weekend on every college campus somewhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:51 PM Flag
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Ha! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:01 PM Flag
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Seriously. Moral of the story - don't turn in your stoner neighbors [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:13 PM Flag
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I think a good lesson for her to learn is that not everyone has to like her and she doesn't have to be friends with absolutely everyone. Very important for young women to learn this and have support. It's a big world out there, and she will find like-minded people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 03:57 PM Flag
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I'm pretty liberal about these things and I don't think kids partying and smoking pot occasionally is the end of the world. BUT, if you're doing this EVERY SINGLE DAY, you will be inconveniencing your neighbors, pretty much everywhere. She tried to talk to them, they didn't listen, so she took the next step. I don't think she did anything wrong. I lived above a bunch of guys right out of college last year. They would bring out bags of trash and kick them down the steps of our walk-up to where the trash is kept, leaving bits and streaks all over the stairs for the weekly cleaning woman to mop up. I told them it was gross and not acceptable in a communal building. If they'd kept on, I would have called the management company. No different, except that it's really not important to me whether they'll "be my friends" or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:04 PM Flag
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^2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:30 PM Flag
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Her complaining about what they were doing at first - smoking pot and disturbing the peace was one thing. Going to them time after time was obviously not going to work. Perhaps a better way would have been to recruit some other students and to walk over to campus security together? But now she is being singled out. Now she is being harassed and the campus should take this seriously, as it escalates, don't think these drunk a-hats won't start retaliating with pranks and stunts and worse -- physical violence. It happened to me twice in college - once when everyone had left for break and I was leaving the next morning, I spent the night with my door barred because there was a freaky, drunk athlete (a senior and I was a freshman) having a rager and throwing furniture. I am 42 and attended a school with co-ed dorms. To this day I think they should go back to single sex dorms. She should not be made to transfer schools, your family should demand that the school move her and crack down on the behavior before it escalates. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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Thinking back now, he was probably on steroids. It was not a "sports" school - it was a small, progressive liberal arts school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:10 PM Flag
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Op. Thank you everyone. Best help is that this is probably not a kind of situation where a transfer is needed. That was the worst idea we had. It seems best to seek out some kind of assistance from adults. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to at a guidance office to get through this difficult period. We will definitely counsel her to stay at the school and think about the transfer to another dorm. Thank you for the suggestion for the "substance free" dorms, I hope they are available with openings if that is something she would like to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:08 PM Flag
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This. I think the transfer idea was pretty extreme. Especially if she's already at a good school. This so far sounds like she's very upset, but it doesn't rise to the level of fleeing the entire school. She's going to go through some other rough times in life and this is good practice for real life. LOTS of freshmen have these bumps. Remind her that particularly since the other students were upperclassmen, she's got a good two years where they won't even be there anymore! Don't let them run her off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 04:12 PM Flag
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np Also - stop thinking of your daughter as the child and the university administrators as adults. Your daughter is an adult now and is on the same level as the other adults she will work with to resolve this. She pays to attend, she pays for a place to live, and she has the same rights, responsibilities, duties, and entitlements as everyone else there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:35 PM Flag
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I turned in some athletes in college for academic offenses (found out someone else was doing their work for them). I suspected that people in the Athletic Association knew it and were possibly even promoting it. When I initially raised the issue, I got harassed. I made an appointment with the Athletic Director of the college (Division I school everyone would recognize) and told him my concerns. It took about 30 seconds for every athlete to give me clear berth and no one said another word to me about it or brought it up again or did anything passive aggressive to even indicate they knew about anything. If it's a Division I school, drugs and athletes are a BIG deal, and if the media got wind of anything that even felt like cover-up or harassment as a result of someone turning in athletes, it would be on ESPN. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 06:17 PM Flag
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You sound like one of those really annoying nerds. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 07:16 PM Flag
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I probably was/am. Still think I did the right thing and that OP's DD did too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 08:46 PM Flag
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You sound like a really dense log. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 09:07 PM Flag
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That AD is a keeper [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 11:42 AM Flag
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On campus housing is not for everyone. If that situation (with the pot) is bothering her, guaranteed there will be others. Time to look for an off campus apartment. FWIW, I was your daughter freshman year of college. I complained about things and tried to get people to not tread on my rights, etc. I was right, but I had no friends. You can't change people. But you can change your living arrangements! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.04.14, 09:15 PM Flag
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Getting Res Life to transfer her to a new dorm is good advice -- but there is another lesson to be learned her. Sure, she has the RIGHT to complain about pot in her dorm. But was that the best course of action? Did that get her the results she was hoping for? As a newly independent adult, your dd will need to learn (as we all did) how to pick your battles, and how to get what you want without backlash. What could she have done differently? What about talk to an RA? Could the pot issue have been resolved without campus police? What about going to Res Life and asking for a transfer? Could that have happened without her worrying about her rep on campus? It's worth talking to her about how to deal with the annoyances of life -- and when they do (and do not) require law enforcement. That is a genie you can't put back in the bottle. Not saying she's WRONG, just saying that if she were my dd, I would have advised her to look for other options before dropping the dime. Because that's not a clean, no backlash option, as she now has learned the hard way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 10.05.14, 12:36 PM Flag
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