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Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

[ - ] Anyone know what sags less - down, polyester or foam - when it comes to sofa cushions? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:59 AM Flag
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i would think foam but could be uncomfortable to sit on. i have a down sofa that is lined with about three inches of foam so it gives yet bounces back. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:02 AM Flag
[ - ] My husband wants to quit his job and then look for another. He is miserable at his current job. I dont know if I should be ok with that or to freak. 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:41 AM Flag
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He should find a new job first. Is he nuts? Esp in this economy he should be thankful he has a job! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:42 AM Flag
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Depends if you can afford the risk of him not finding work for a while. Depending what he does there are lots of areas where jobs are being cut. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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we have savings so we could survive for maybe 6-12 mths. But I am so nervous . Its so risky. But I have never seen him depressed. He is so distressed. I feel horrible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:44 AM Flag
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I have seen my dh get really depressed in a job that he hated and I was so glad when he left. I would encourage him to look for work before he quits though but in all honesty if he is so low it is worrying you maybe he does just need to leave. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:59 AM Flag
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Are you working? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:48 AM Flag
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You have 2 problems: 1) he is far less hireable when he is not working 2) he is not mentally prepared to interview (lack of confidence, self-esteem). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:51 AM Flag
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Why would you not be okay with that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:54 AM Flag
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im not working. And I just worry about him not being able to find work. Its such a bad situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:00 AM Flag
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I can understand why that would be worrisome for you, but I get the impression that you're concerned about how the change might affect YOU, rather than how miserable your DH currently is. I hope you're more supportive of him IRL. After all, he alone is supporting the whole family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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Well I do worry about how the change will affect our family. Mostly because if he doesnt find work at some point we will have to sell our house and wont be able to afford to live. I also worry because sometimes not finding a job can be just as depressing as being in one you hate. I could go back to work but he doesnt want to stay home with the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:06 AM Flag
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np. The chances are he will be able to find a new job before things get too financially tight for you. If he really is depressed then he might need to get out of there. Is he able to take a vacation to have some time away from work to really think things through and make a plan? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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In this market. Get a new job, then quit. -a dad who hates his job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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np: The problem with that is that often times you just don't have enough energy to effectively jobhunt while your current job sucks all the energy out of you. It took me 5 years to leave a job I hated, and have friends still stuck there 9 years after that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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granted. And when I was single I would have done that in a heart beat. But when you have kid(s) counting on you... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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I agree, but if I were in OP's shoes I'd look for a job myself (assuming she does not have newborn/small baby) to take some load off DH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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^^"market:" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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Its not a great situation. But thats one of his points. He cant effectively look for work when he is bogged down at his current office all day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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That is kind of true unfortunately. But then again, unless you have a decent cushion quitting in this market has big risks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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Everyone I know who is in the position to hire says keep your job while looking. Being out of work is a big strike against you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:32 AM Flag
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I don't necessarily believe this. DH looked for a new job forever while in a good on paper job. He got fired and made finding a job his job. 5 weeks later - new job, more money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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How do keep working at something that is making you physically ill? How can you even interview for something if you are working 8-630. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Interested in opinions re what to do. Last week I worked from home one day because I forgot my pump at home and my boss just let me go home and call into meetings the rest of the day. Pretty nice of him. However, I am not used to working from home so apparently, the mute button on my blackberry wasn't on for quite a bit of time without me knowing. Towards the middle to end of the meeting, my Boss asked if I was still there and it took me a while to respond and I said,"Sorry for the delay, it took me a sec to unhit mute" and he responded, "GOOD. I wasn't sure you had the mute button on and you should use it" and everyone in the room started laughing (abt 30 people). So I came back to work the next day and nosy admin came to my office and asked pointedly," were you pumping? because we could hear you and we were DYING laughing--esp [my Boss]--he had to put his head under the table from laughing" and I responded, "What? I thought I had my mute button on and I wasn't pumping but I was nursing" and she said, "Well, we could hear EVERYTHING"--So later a woman in my department who was NOT on the call came to me and told me that OTHERS in the meeting called her and asked if I was nursing and seemed shocked, etc. I was like, WTF? I asked her to tell me who it was and she refused to say. So I went to my Boss and explained that I understood my mute button must have been off and apologized for that and he seemed really annoyed and said, "Yeah well I tried to tell you!" ANd I said,"wekll you should have been more direct and perhaps said something earlier" and he said"I should have just hung up on you because it got so bad" and I responded, "Yeah you should have!" So I come to find later that everyone on the call was "shocked" that they could hear "everything" and found it "funny" but I am thinking they were grossed out and found it inappropriate. These people are all a bunch of old farts who probably don't look too highly upon bfing -- I am by far the youngest at 30. What, if anything, should I say/do? I am hurt and feel a little humiliated by this whole thing. TIA 34 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:36 AM Flag
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Your team is throwing you under the bus. The fact that no one called you on your other line or IM'd you was grossly unprofessional. The shitty part here is that I don't see how you get past this - you will always be "nursing mom". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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Do you think what happened is an HR issue? The reason I ask is because I posted this on youbemom and everyone was up in arms and told me to stick up for myself and report to HR. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:45 AM Flag
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The problem is - it was your fault. Yes, your people really let you down but they will give lame excuses. You were the one who created the problem (albeit unintentionally). I don't see the HR solution here -- what would you ask them to do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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See? That is what I didn't understand. Apparently lots of people thought that what happened was illegal with respect to my right to bfing and have work accomodate me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:49 AM Flag
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But they did accommodate you! There is nothing illegal about what they did imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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I didn't think so either. That's why I am asking again. I think the YBM folks felt that making a joke about bfing or my bfing a source of humiliation was basically in inadvertant way of not accomodating me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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^^sort of like humiliating me out of bfing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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Sure it was embarrassing for you but I still don't see a legal issue here. Now if the repercussions from the incident begin to effect your job that is a different story of course. The bottom line is you are now a mom who works, not a professional and that could have a long term impact on your career. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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That's absurd. Your boss accomodated you, and you not using your mute button is your fault only. If it were me I would be pissed if I had my IM on and none of my co-workers messaged me (which we always do in cases like this), but if you did not have it on there is nothing anyone could have done. The rumor mill around this is unfortunate but I don't think it's avoidable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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np: They could just as easily argue they were mocking your inability to use the mute button. They probably would have behaved the same way if you were cracking ass at home too. Suck it up. Keep your head high and move on. That is what I would advise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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nnp: Lol. I have a co-worker who forgot to use the mute button while going to the bathroom, and let's just say it took him a couple months to live that one down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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my point exactly -np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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I think you need to relax. You are embarrassed because you are young and don't want to make ANY mistakes. These guys have BTDT and are just giving you a hard time and not cutting slack. Live with it and learn [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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ITA- it sucks and i would be a little embarrassed but not that much- I mean they knew that's why you went home, It was your fault really, and you are gonna have to just deal with it and get over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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op: fwiw only my Boss knew it was why I went home. Nobody else did [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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Ok, relax, give yourself some time to get over it. It sounds like you are the only recent mom there so you feel alone. I don't think it is illegal though. Keep your head high. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Ok, thanks. I am inclined to agree with you ladies. Glad I came here before storming off to HR! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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I also want to say that if this is your first child then you are going to come up against this alot---needing small breaks because you are caring for a young one. The others won't be willing to understand because they see you getting breaks that they don't. It sucks, but it is how it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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OP: It is not my first but I took a year off of work after my first so this is the first time I deal with this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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Sounds like it isn't a family friendly place to work, but honestly, before I had kids, I probably would have been less understanding too. Good luck and people might have just felt uncomfortable with the sounds... sad but true [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I think it is more of the latter (being uncomfortable with bfing). I kind of feeling telling everyone to get over it but I'll just keep that to myself :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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I had a co-worker bf during lunch in our staff room in full view. It was hard to act "normal" and I am a mom! It's just one of those things we know happen but don't think about...and some people said it brought up old (bad) memories of their own experience. It's hard to know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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weird. Her baby was with her at work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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came at lunchtime to bf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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np: What exactly would be illegal here? co-workers gossiping because OP forgot to use mute button? I just can't see it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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OP: such different responses! YBM ladies were congratulating me on being a "tool of the patriarchy" for apologizing to my boss! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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np. I think you did the right thing in apologizing to your boss but I'm really sorry that none of your co-workers told you what was happening at the time. I hope it will soon blow over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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I would just own up to feeling embarrassed. Just say "I am so embarrassed...it's a new experience for me to be back to work and caring for a newborn." Show some vulnerability and then they will want to take care of your feelings and probably not bring it up again. Best is to address it head on and then let it go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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op that is exactly what I did (and precisely why I was skewered on YBM, coincidentally) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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yes, but they aren't dealing with the repercussions like you are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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np: If they could have then I would be annoyed. If OP was on the phone already, IM would have been the only shot assuming she had it on during the call. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:32 AM Flag
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Sorry, to hear that you have such an insensitive boss. And, the key word here is insensitive. Nice of him to let you work from home but totally inappropriate response to you thereafter. Sounds like your boss, as well as many of your colleagues, are immature. Unsettling how they all let you remain unaware that your every move could be heard while you were nursing. Really sounds like your boss needs some sensitivity training or retraining and this is something that HR should be made aware of....the point is not that you forgot to hit the mute button, but that your boss and your colleagues were too immature to alert you to that fact to save you (and apparently them) from embarrasment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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My question about this whole thing is: What in the world did these people hear that was so embarrassing to them and OP? I haven't nursed a baby in a while but I don't remember anything being so loud that it would carry over a speaker phone. Was she TALKING about nursing to the baby or was it slurping sounds? It all sounds so odd to me that this would be a big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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You're feeling really hurt but this too shall pass. Your boss was actually supportive because he let you go home given the circumstances - its not his fault that you forgot to put the phone on mute - and I think you rightfully apologized. If it were some other noise in the background that you forgot to put your phone on mute for you'd probably feel equally embarassed. Someone could have IM'd you but in the end you forgot to put the phone on mute so you have some blame here. Its hard, a bit humiliating - but it will blow over in a couple of weeks. Don't let it change your behaviour at work and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:52 PM Flag
[ - ] WDYT? 6.5 year old is/was full of attitude, eye rolling, etc. I stopped the t.v. (he was watching Spongebob, Drake & Josh, ICarly) and I see a huge improvement. Coincidence? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:53 AM Flag
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Of course not. I can't believe you let him watch all that crap in first place. My dc is same age and no way I'd have that on TV in my house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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no, i notice that my dd is very cranky, etc after watching tv or playing on the computer. mine doesn't watch that kind of stuff, but i think the passivity of it makes them bonkers. or maybe it just overstimulates them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:40 AM Flag
[ - ] why can't he stay 5 months old???? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:39 AM Flag
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because then you'll miss all the good stuff [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:40 AM Flag
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but i saw all that w older sib! still love this age ;-) smiling sleeps thru the nt - not moving yet and no back-talk...its perfect! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:42 AM Flag
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That is the best baby stage and sadly it doens't last as long as it should...BUT - my 7 yo is reading and writing and is this interesting little person. My 4yo is still silly and cute. I am pg with #3 - I look forward to the stage you are at and then all the others too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:45 AM Flag
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how old are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:46 AM Flag
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huh? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:47 AM Flag
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Poster from above: I'm 36 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:49 AM Flag
[ - ] What is a good budget starting point for a Manhattan bar mitzvah for 200 or so people? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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New York City 07.21.08, 04:28 AM Flag
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$20k? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:39 AM Flag
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for catered dinner figure starting at $100-120 per head (not incl. alcohol) plus cost of the location, flowers, invites and music/entertainment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:42 AM Flag
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I got married three years ago, and $125++ was the rock-bottom price for an evenign party then and you have tax and tip, often rental space fees too. A small band was be $5-$8K but could be way more. A lot of your people wouldn't have alcohol (kids) so that will help - they would not be as much. FWIW the cheapest locations I found were The Down Town Association (you could do it if the kids had their own room), Battery Park Gardens, The Yale Club, The Woman's Republican Club (has another name you could use, probably too small). I don't know your date. Invitations vary so much, plus you have favors. I did half candles/half tables with flowers to bring the price down and used someone from LI. Otherwise it STARTS at $125 a table. I vote for putting the $ into the place and music, skimping everywhere else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:13 AM Flag
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-- For NYC I am quoting the lower end of the spectrum. Abigail Kirsh places range a lot - if you have an afternoon party or winter weekend you can do A LOT better with them. The Lighthouse is one of their venues. It's nice -- the kids would like the boats going by. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:15 AM Flag
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You really cannot go by wedding estimates when planning a Bar Mitzvah - your prices are very high and most of these events are afternoons. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:45 AM Flag
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I agree some people don't want this, but I had a black-tie evening Bat Mitzvah and at least half of the parties I went to were at night and wedding-like. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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You know that Manhattan is not NYC. If you go out to Staten Island you will not spend $125/person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:53 AM Flag
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We did a Bar Mitzvah lunch at a nice restaurant for about 100 and it came to about $9000. It was lovely and stylish, with a jazz combo playing, separate room for the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:18 AM Flag
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(Not OP). I grew up in NJ going to cheesy Bar Mitzvahs and I heart you. So not cheesy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:23 AM Flag
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I have to say...we've been lucky and I think that the tide may be turning...Bar Mitzvahs we've been to recently have been low on the cheese factor. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:30 AM Flag
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If you're still watching this, where did you do it? We're planning to take dd and family to Israel, so we'd like to do a quiet lunch type of thing... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:02 AM Flag
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I hope that you're still watching, where did you do this? I would love to do something low key like this... TIA and I hope you don't mind the question... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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Hi! I'm back.... we had a lunch at Citrus on Amsterdam at 75th. They made it super easy for us and the party was really enjoyable for us and our guests. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:24 AM Flag
[ - ] Chinese speakers: what do I call my cousin's grandmother? My cousin is from my dad's side and her grandma is from her mom's side. Is it ni ni? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:20 AM Flag
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make sure you don't mispronounce ni ni because the wrong tone and it means something very different! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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np: do tell..." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:44 AM Flag
[ - ] NEED IDEAS..on what to give DD on her 21st Birthday..did you get any special on that day?? TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 10:22 PM Flag
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I got very drunk with my friends at college. DOn't think parents need to make such a big deal about these "milestone" birthdays quite frankly. Its like gifts for fifth grade graduation, c'mon now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:47 AM Flag
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I got pearls, brother got a car. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:50 AM Flag
[ - ] ERB results: 86. Even though he scored 99 in vocabulary and the narrative description seemed complimentary, should we forget about private school? 45 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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NY Schools 07.20.08, 10:09 PM Flag
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i don't mean to be mean, but probably. Certainly go for the less competitive schools if its important to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 10:13 PM Flag
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which subsets did he bomb? Some are not as important than others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 10:14 PM Flag
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Matrix reasoning: only 50%. Coding, approx. 65%; similarities, 75%; picture concepts and block design, about 78%. Other areas were higher. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 11:26 PM Flag
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Coding doesn't matter (and that's actually a pretty decent score for coding). The others are bad, though. You'll have a very hard time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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know someone who did great on all subsets except coding (totally bombed it) and was s-o [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:30 PM Flag
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if your heart is set on private, apply to schools that do not ask for the erbs [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 03:19 AM Flag
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np; but those that don't ask for ERBs do their own eval also. however, OP should apply to privates anyway if OP likes privates. However, OP should stick to less competitive schools and FC correctly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:38 AM Flag
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The ones who ask for the ERB also do their own evaluations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:00 AM Flag
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86 overall is not a bad score (and his verbal is a great score)--the ERB is only a part of the picture. What schools are you interested in? I think there are kids with scores in the 80s in most schools. Do not let UB keep you from applying to schools. Is your child on the younger side? Younger boys often score lower on performance subtests. The child interview will hold the most weight in the process. Browning and Allen-Stevenson are schools you may want to look at, if you are interested in single sex schools. For coed, you may want to look at some of the K-8 schools (perhaps Episcopal schools if you favor a more traditional approach: Cathedral, St. Hilda's St. Hugh's, St. Luke's or progressives: City and Country, Calhoun, Bank Street, among others). Relax and good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 03:55 AM Flag
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Browning is out - they didn't even go to the waitlist this year and they're oversubscribed - and the new director of admissions is going to have something to prove - I'm afraid it's going to be a tough year to get into Browning this year [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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Is Lianne Pei the new admissions director there? I really liked working with her at IPS... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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yup - glad to hear good things - change is always strange [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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where is jackie casey going? I really liked her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:37 AM Flag
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she was absolutely wonderful and a tremendous loss. Her husband took a job in Massachusetts and they are relocating. Ms. Pei has some really big shoes to fill. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:59 AM Flag
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!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.02.12, 05:07 PM Flag
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Don't believe all you hear on this board; my DC had a very similar score and ended up in one of the schools names here - not tt by UB standards but a very good school; DC was also w/listed at all of the 10 schools we applied to except one. I will say that the SB was far higher (98), as was OLSAT. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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exactly - the 98 on the SB (which, i'm assuming you also submitted, as well as the OLSAT) is what kept your child "in the game" so to speak. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:02 AM Flag
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Also Little Red and VCS if downtown [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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Of course you should apply, but TT are probably out unless you have major connections or are very famous, but then again you never know - so pick a few TT, a lot of second-tier, and some "3rd-tier". Also, have dc take the SB and if that score is 95+ have psd send it as well. GL, don't let people on here make you think it is impossible. Stay positive and apply broadly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:57 AM Flag
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She should focus on so-called third tiers with a score below 90. Those are the schools most likely to accept her dc, so if she really wants private her efforts should be concentrated on them. Sure, she should apply broadly, but be realistic. One of the families in my dc's class applied out for a dc with a slightly higher score and was very nearly shut-out because she thought Collegiate or HM or similar would take her dc. Psd pulled some strings and got child into third tier. This was a few years ago, though, and I doubt those strings are so easily pulled given how competitive admissions are becoming. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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I don't see why OP should bother with TTs, honestly. Some 2nd tiers, mostly 3rd tiers and a few 4th. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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np: really OP should try to fall in love with a good private (even if third tier on UB) and FC them early to get a shot. At the same time, I would make sure I have a fallback (whether it's good zoned public or move to the burbs). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:44 AM Flag
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the problem isn't that the scores are bad, it's that there are simply too many kids for too few spots, so the schools don't have to consider a kid with scores below the 90's - for what it's worth, i'd move to a district with a good public and be grateful to be saved the work/stress/anxiety/disappointment that comes with the private school process - i've seen too many disappointed people the last two years - it's really ugly out there - send him to p.s. 87 or something similar - he'll have a great experience - really! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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np If she's going to apply to privates, she should definitely have kid tested for Hunter, too. That way, if SB does end up being high, she can submit it to privates alongside erb. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:40 AM Flag
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NP Besides applying broadly and to less popular, less-competitive schools, I think this is good advice. If you can move into ps9, ps6 or one of the other better gen-ed districts, you will have a very good fallback plan and free yourself from a LOT of stress. And you can always reapply to h.s., when (IMO) privates matter more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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nnp: How do you know this? I happen to think 'average' kids may actually benefit from private individual attention more, as in public they will be middle of the pack and hardly noticed at all. If OP's dc is not self-motivated private may well be much better choice than coasting in mediocrity in public. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:50 AM Flag
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schools like ps 87 will give him an equally good start - to be honest, the public curriculum at the better public schools is actually more aggrassively academic (as a general rule) than the privates, where they are usually a bit more "gentle" in the beginning to allow everyone to "catch up" so-to-speak - it isn't until 3rd/4th grade that things flip - she can always try to go private later - but, with a score like this, she's going to put herself through a lot of stress for a result that is not likely to satisfy her at the end - there is NOTHING wrong with a new york public school if you live in a district with a good one - the same is true across the country - her son will not "coast in mediocrity" - and his parents won't twist themselves inside out for months, only to end up in public in the end anyway [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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I know several families that have pulled/are pulling their kids out of PS87 (for so called 'third tier' privates) for this reason, so not sure you are right. I think it depends on the child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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i am sure you are right - it does depend on the kid - having said that, this score is going to be a problem for the private schools, so i think that directing this woman toward the publics without having her "waste" her time and emotions makes sense - i also should add that i believe you can have a child at the "best" school in the city and still have a bad year (or more) if the teacher and child don't connect well - it's a crap shoot at any school - a friend once told me "if you have a good year every OTHER year, you're batting a thousand" - i think it's a good way to look at things [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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The head of my dc's school said that out of 10 years of school, you could expect one to be an off year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:26 PM Flag
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i think that's optimistic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:22 AM Flag
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Were you surprised by the scores or do you think they are an accurate reflection of your dc's ability at this stage? How did your PSD feel about them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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I thought the description of my son (there's a narrative along with the numbers in the ERB report) was so flattering--I did think he would test better [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 10:50 AM Flag
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My bet is OP's kid is bright and will score much better if dc takes it a year from now. At least break 90-92. I think OP should think ahead about getting dc into 2nd tier or TT when dc catches up on performance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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my ds has same score, with 99 in verbal and 40 in performance; PSD was encouraging about some schools, but advised us to cross off some of the "TT" schools on our list; we plan to go through the private process, but we're trying not to get our hearts set on anything and trying to stay positive about our public school (which is a good one, fortunately); good luck to you, I hope it works out for us both! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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My DC had a similar score two years ago. One acceptance (progressive), 4 2nd/3rd tier WLs, 4 1st/2nd dings. I would prepare yourself. We opted for local public -- very happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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No..we got an 87 and got into 2 schools and WL at 4 more schools [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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Did DC have a big gap btwn. performance and verbal scores? PSD told us that DC's very high verbal and very low performance (84 overall) was worse than if he had same overall score w/close together verbal and performance scores. She was right -- DC was SO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 03:27 PM Flag
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would you mind sharing when this happened? if your child is going into 2nd or higher it just doesn't apply. last year i was still giving my speech about how "everyone will get placed in the end" blah, blah, blah. but it just isn't ture anymore. the fact is that she population of entering kindergarten students is screaming out for about three more schools than currently exist. as a result, kids with scores way above this are getting dinged left and right. of course, there are exceptions, but it would be unkind to give this woman false hope. if she wants to go through the process anyway, just to keep her options open and see if they get lucky (and there's a lot more luck involved than there used to be), that's perfectly fine. but, she really needs to go into it comfortable with the idea that her kid might end up at the local public school in the end anyway (or they might want to consider moving to the burbs, as a few people i know have done in the past few years). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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^^^oops, cut off - she really needs to understand that they may just end up at their local public anyway (or they can try for a g and t). or, they could keep the burbs on the back burner as another option as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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87 is not so bad. If OP FC's 3rd or 4th tier school. If I were her, though, I don't think it's worth the tuition and I'd send dc to a local public and try again later for a better private. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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I am currently in the process of applying for K admission. I have to respond to the bulk of these comments. They are not only disheartening, they border on offensive. Here's why. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.21.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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Okay... why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.21.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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I find these comments incredibly disturbing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.21.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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Please don't despair, we got into private with 82 a couple of years ago. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 11.21.08, 11:30 AM Flag
[ - ] Childless friends insist they love their pets as much as I love my kids. Think they're gonna feel stupid about this if/when they have kids. But then again, I don't have/love animals. Anyone have both? Care to tell me the truth? Should I respect their feelings privately as well as publicly? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 09:59 PM Flag
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I have both. Yes, I love my animals as much as my kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 10:07 PM Flag
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weird [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 04:40 AM Flag
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same here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:54 AM Flag
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I have both and love my kids way more. for instance if my cat was diagnosed with some illness I would not go to the ends of the earth to cure her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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I have both. I love the dog, but it's very different than my love for the kid (and I had the dog first). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.20.08, 10:21 PM Flag
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I have both. There is absolutely no comparison. I loved my 2 cats very much (now have 1 left), but there is no comparison to how I love my son. For example, I would never leave him at a hospital overnight alone but I did my cat (when she was spade -- another thing I would not do to my son). Let alone ever 'put him to sleep' -- people who say it's the same are delusional. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:43 AM Flag