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07.21.08, 05:36 AM General Topics
34 replies
Interested in opinions re what to do. Last week I worked from home one day because I forgot my pump at home and my boss just let me go home and call into meetings the rest of the day. Pretty nice of him. However, I am not used to working from home so apparently, the mute button on my blackberry wasn't on for quite a bit of time without me knowing. Towards the middle to end of the meeting, my Boss asked if I was still there and it took me a while to respond and I said,"Sorry for the delay, it took me a sec to unhit mute" and he responded, "GOOD. I wasn't sure you had the mute button on and you should use it" and everyone in the room started laughing (abt 30 people). So I came back to work the next day and nosy admin came to my office and asked pointedly," were you pumping? because we could hear you and we were DYING laughing--esp [my Boss]--he had to put his head under the table from laughing" and I responded, "What? I thought I had my mute button on and I wasn't pumping but I was nursing" and she said, "Well, we could hear EVERYTHING"--So later a woman in my department who was NOT on the call came to me and told me that OTHERS in the meeting called her and asked if I was nursing and seemed shocked, etc. I was like, WTF? I asked her to tell me who it was and she refused to say. So I went to my Boss and explained that I understood my mute button must have been off and apologized for that and he seemed really annoyed and said, "Yeah well I tried to tell you!" ANd I said,"wekll you should have been more direct and perhaps said something earlier" and he said"I should have just hung up on you because it got so bad" and I responded, "Yeah you should have!" So I come to find later that everyone on the call was "shocked" that they could hear "everything" and found it "funny" but I am thinking they were grossed out and found it inappropriate. These people are all a bunch of old farts who probably don't look too highly upon bfing -- I am by far the youngest at 30. What, if anything, should I say/do? I am hurt and feel a little humiliated by this whole thing. TIA [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.21.08, 05:36 AM Flag
 

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Your team is throwing you under the bus. The fact that no one called you on your other line or IM'd you was grossly unprofessional. The shitty part here is that I don't see how you get past this - you will always be "nursing mom". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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Do you think what happened is an HR issue? The reason I ask is because I posted this on youbemom and everyone was up in arms and told me to stick up for myself and report to HR. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:45 AM Flag
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The problem is - it was your fault. Yes, your people really let you down but they will give lame excuses. You were the one who created the problem (albeit unintentionally). I don't see the HR solution here -- what would you ask them to do? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:47 AM Flag
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See? That is what I didn't understand. Apparently lots of people thought that what happened was illegal with respect to my right to bfing and have work accomodate me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:49 AM Flag
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But they did accommodate you! There is nothing illegal about what they did imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:50 AM Flag
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I didn't think so either. That's why I am asking again. I think the YBM folks felt that making a joke about bfing or my bfing a source of humiliation was basically in inadvertant way of not accomodating me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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^^sort of like humiliating me out of bfing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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Sure it was embarrassing for you but I still don't see a legal issue here. Now if the repercussions from the incident begin to effect your job that is a different story of course. The bottom line is you are now a mom who works, not a professional and that could have a long term impact on your career. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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That's absurd. Your boss accomodated you, and you not using your mute button is your fault only. If it were me I would be pissed if I had my IM on and none of my co-workers messaged me (which we always do in cases like this), but if you did not have it on there is nothing anyone could have done. The rumor mill around this is unfortunate but I don't think it's avoidable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:30 AM Flag
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np: They could just as easily argue they were mocking your inability to use the mute button. They probably would have behaved the same way if you were cracking ass at home too. Suck it up. Keep your head high and move on. That is what I would advise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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nnp: Lol. I have a co-worker who forgot to use the mute button while going to the bathroom, and let's just say it took him a couple months to live that one down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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my point exactly -np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 10:11 AM Flag
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I think you need to relax. You are embarrassed because you are young and don't want to make ANY mistakes. These guys have BTDT and are just giving you a hard time and not cutting slack. Live with it and learn [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 05:57 AM Flag
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ITA- it sucks and i would be a little embarrassed but not that much- I mean they knew that's why you went home, It was your fault really, and you are gonna have to just deal with it and get over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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op: fwiw only my Boss knew it was why I went home. Nobody else did [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:07 AM Flag
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Ok, relax, give yourself some time to get over it. It sounds like you are the only recent mom there so you feel alone. I don't think it is illegal though. Keep your head high. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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Ok, thanks. I am inclined to agree with you ladies. Glad I came here before storming off to HR! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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I also want to say that if this is your first child then you are going to come up against this alot---needing small breaks because you are caring for a young one. The others won't be willing to understand because they see you getting breaks that they don't. It sucks, but it is how it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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OP: It is not my first but I took a year off of work after my first so this is the first time I deal with this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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Sounds like it isn't a family friendly place to work, but honestly, before I had kids, I probably would have been less understanding too. Good luck and people might have just felt uncomfortable with the sounds... sad but true [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I think it is more of the latter (being uncomfortable with bfing). I kind of feeling telling everyone to get over it but I'll just keep that to myself :) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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I had a co-worker bf during lunch in our staff room in full view. It was hard to act "normal" and I am a mom! It's just one of those things we know happen but don't think about...and some people said it brought up old (bad) memories of their own experience. It's hard to know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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weird. Her baby was with her at work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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came at lunchtime to bf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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np: What exactly would be illegal here? co-workers gossiping because OP forgot to use mute button? I just can't see it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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OP: such different responses! YBM ladies were congratulating me on being a "tool of the patriarchy" for apologizing to my boss! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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np. I think you did the right thing in apologizing to your boss but I'm really sorry that none of your co-workers told you what was happening at the time. I hope it will soon blow over. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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I would just own up to feeling embarrassed. Just say "I am so embarrassed...it's a new experience for me to be back to work and caring for a newborn." Show some vulnerability and then they will want to take care of your feelings and probably not bring it up again. Best is to address it head on and then let it go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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op that is exactly what I did (and precisely why I was skewered on YBM, coincidentally) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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yes, but they aren't dealing with the repercussions like you are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:24 AM Flag
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np: If they could have then I would be annoyed. If OP was on the phone already, IM would have been the only shot assuming she had it on during the call. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 06:32 AM Flag
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Sorry, to hear that you have such an insensitive boss. And, the key word here is insensitive. Nice of him to let you work from home but totally inappropriate response to you thereafter. Sounds like your boss, as well as many of your colleagues, are immature. Unsettling how they all let you remain unaware that your every move could be heard while you were nursing. Really sounds like your boss needs some sensitivity training or retraining and this is something that HR should be made aware of....the point is not that you forgot to hit the mute button, but that your boss and your colleagues were too immature to alert you to that fact to save you (and apparently them) from embarrasment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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My question about this whole thing is: What in the world did these people hear that was so embarrassing to them and OP? I haven't nursed a baby in a while but I don't remember anything being so loud that it would carry over a speaker phone. Was she TALKING about nursing to the baby or was it slurping sounds? It all sounds so odd to me that this would be a big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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You're feeling really hurt but this too shall pass. Your boss was actually supportive because he let you go home given the circumstances - its not his fault that you forgot to put the phone on mute - and I think you rightfully apologized. If it were some other noise in the background that you forgot to put your phone on mute for you'd probably feel equally embarassed. Someone could have IM'd you but in the end you forgot to put the phone on mute so you have some blame here. Its hard, a bit humiliating - but it will blow over in a couple of weeks. Don't let it change your behaviour at work and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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