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[ - ] we moved to the burbs over the summer and today was my kids first day of school. his classroom has like 20 kids and 3 teachers and my mom (a teacher) is freaking out cause she thinks it’s an ict classroom. is there anyway to tell besides asking the teacher and anyway to get him out of that classroom without looking completely awful? 82 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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Why would that make your mom freak out? My DC was in two ICT rooms - both were great (and she is top student in her grade). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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Why is your mom freaking out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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First of all, you can quite frankly ask the teacher if it's an ICT classroom, you have every right to know. And secondly, there are tons of benefits to being in ICT even if your kid doesn't have an IEP. My DC has been in ICT and it was a great experience. And by the way, my mom is a teacher too and in her opinion ICT was great for my dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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no. You're awful. Inclusion is part of our school culture now. Deal with it. Your kid will be fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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You sound like an asshole and your mom sounds like an asshole. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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She doesn’t want her child to be a crutch for other kids. She is not an asshole. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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“A crutch”. If the kid is anything like the mom, I wouldn’t worry that others will seek her out as an example. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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Her child will not be challenged this year and her teacher Mom is just being honest. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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That is absolute bs. if my kid was in public he'd be in an ICT classroom but he also got into G&T (we didn't go). ICT is not for 'stupid' kids it's for kids who oftentimes are even smarter but just need a little more attn. Agree op seems not smart herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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exactly. many kids in G&T can also have an IEP. my dc was never in an ICT classroom because dc did dual language, but tons of my friends' kids were and they all loved it. one df's kid was in an ICT 6th grade classroom and really benefitted from the 2 teacher set up and df said that her dd had her best academic year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 11:27 PM Flag
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Particularly with the "OMG!!! An inclusion class, how did this happen?" You didn't know this was a possibility? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:38 AM Flag
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What? they put the smartest kids in the ICT class [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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Oh, this! She wanted her child to be challenged so she moved to...a suburb in Long Island. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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THIS!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:17 AM Flag
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Why would you NOT want him in a class with three teachers? That’s basically a private school teacher-to-student ration, which is presumably what you couldn’t afford in the city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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This [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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But yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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Your mom needs to stay in her lane. And you need to talk to the teacher and ask about the class and listen to the teacher. Your mom's ideas are really outdated and she isn't helping you here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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March directly up to the principal and loudly demand that your child be removed immediately. Definitely the way to go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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haha...yes, you are THAT parent already! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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ily [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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Are you in CT? We have it in all k-8 classes in our shoreline town. Typically one head teacher, a para-professional and if there are special needs kids they each get their own 'helper teacher'. While personally I'm not into inclusion in the classroom, my DC and friends don't have any issues with it. They know who the kids are that need extra help and it's been fine....meaning it bothers no one, they know everyone has their own struggles and sometimes you need some extra support and that's ok. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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no we are in long island but thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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YW! My mom is a retired teacher too. She is usually appalled when hearing how things are done now...lowering the benchmark, etc, so I totally get where you're coming from. Hope your DC has a great day & year! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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How is an ICT class lowering the benchmark? Your ignorance is showing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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I don't know if this is every ICT classroom, but for my DD, the classroom was barren (as to not be over-stimulating to the special ed students), the bench marks were low . . . for example, Numbers from 1-20 ( a pre-k benchmark) were displayed instead of 1-100 as in other classrooms. Teacher did have any heightened expectations in reading, math. Sucked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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^^ DID NOT ^^ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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Yeah, that doesn't sound like a typical ICT class. Weird. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Thinking it was just this teacher/classroom . . . [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Probably and honestly, there are some SN kids that the parents and school push to place in an ICT and they are not ready for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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Agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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My experience is that the parents often want the dc in the smaller 1:6 or 1:12 classes and the school doesn't want to do it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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It is! The classes are slower and the NT kids are completely distracted and side tracked Bc of the kids who need help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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I threw a stink for this reason. Principal did not change my DD's classroom. She remained in ICT. Felt the benchmarks were VERY LOW compared to the other K classrooms . . . comparative to my DS, who had a different teacher afterwards, my instincts were correct. They tried to sell me on the theory that the teacher would differentiate, but she didn't. Low standards across the board. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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Not our experience in NYC [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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Nest poster: my dc was in ICT (CTT) Class in 4th grade and it was the best year of elementary school. The standards were extremely high. I was pleasantly surprised [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Next. Not nest [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Agreed, NYC different experience. My kids thrived in ICT classes and had a great experience. They got to help out the other kids which truly taught them to be a leader, taught them empathy and actually reinforced the materials. Also, they didn't even know which kids had IEP and no one cared. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:35 AM Flag
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I agree. My kid was behind Bc the benchmarks are so low. The principals will not move your child out Bc they need her there. It’s not good for kids who do not need help, it is a waste of a year for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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This was mu child' experience as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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^^my child's^^ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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The ICT classroom is generally a plus. We had a bad experience b/c the Gen Ed teacher in the ICT class SUCKED. Meanwhile, the Special Ed teacher was phenomenal. The other assistants in the class were all wonderful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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Ask, “why are there so many adults in our class and not the other k classrooms” if you want to try and hide your motivation (good luck on that front) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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PP. Just ask upfront. The principal told me that they are only supposed to place your child in ICT one time per school by law. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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^^^I'm a different PP. We only have 3 classrooms per grade so I can't figure out how only once in ICT is going to work for us. And truthfully, it's fine with me if my dc is in ICT more than once in the 7 years she'll be at our elementary school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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For many, it's fine. We just happened to get a lazy teacher who was phoning it in and doing the BARE minimum . . . maybe even hiding behind the ICT designation to avoid doing ANYTHING outside of the bare bones curriculum. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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I think that's the key. If you have two terrific teachers, you will think it is a good experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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We had that last year. Dc's teacher was planning her wedding ( taking place three days after end of the school year) and while my DC could tell me everything about the teacher's wedding planning, bridal showers and hen party, there wasn't much academic stuff going on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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That was my dd's K teacher (not ICT though) several years ago. She was getting married, finishing her master's and she was a new hire. She was terrible - so distracted and couldn't handle the kids. So annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Our school also has 3 classes per grade so on average every DC will be in ICT 2 or 3 times [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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That is not a law. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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In NYC ICT classes half the kids have an IEP and half don't. Many of the IEPs are for things like handwriting and other non disruptive conditions. Your kid has not been dumped in special ed and will probably get lots of individual attention because of the 3 teachers. When you go to pickup see if you can even tell which kids have IEPs. BTW every typical DC in the school will spend a couple of years in the ICT class. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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Likely ICT. And if you mention or question it you become the devil. My kid was in a class 2 years in a row and it was a fkn disaster for us. He is a different child now that he has been out of those classes. It’s very stressful for some kids to deal with all of the behavioral issues and the class progress is slower. The extra teachers are there for the children with issues, not yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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Newsflash: you are awful. Most public’s in the tristate area have ICT classes which means that most every kid will be in one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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Why is she awful? Maybe she doesn't want her DD to participate in this kind of government approach to "equal" education. This is not awful it is what is in the best interest of her kid not yours. The DOE aren't doing this to help the SN kids at all, it is to save money on special ed teachers and programs. NYC public schools have sucked at least for the almost 50 years I've been on the planet as a native New Yorker. This is just the way it is when you have such a high density of people in a tiny place where everyone on the planet wants to visit at least once. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:36 PM Flag
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so you think SN kids should all go to their own school? that would be a better approach? Geez this post is bringing out the trolls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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I'm not a troll and if you want to be obtuse that is fine. I'm saying parents should be able to opt out of their children being an anchor for another student regardless of academic ability. The problem now has become if your child is maybe more advanced or needs more challenging material that child doesn't get the enrichment *they* need to thrive. It is as if now having a child who is special needs in terms of more stimulation or enrichment that kids' parents have to expend the resources for that. I have three boys and they have been to schools in multiple states and the older two attended Catholic school in another country so we've seen many other models that work more efficiently. YMMV [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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Do tell. Share your wisdom on the "best approach." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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Whatever is in the best interest of the child being educated of course. This is usually determined by the parents, teachers and in some cases, yes, grandma! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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^^ literally Montessori if you really want to know. The banking model as described by Paolo Freire in Pedagogy of the Oppressed has been dominant in our culture for way too long. I hope that helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:23 PM Flag
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You are dumb, dumb, dumb. MANY of not MOST public schools don’t cater to an individual kid’s needs, ICT or not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:43 AM Flag
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This. If you want individualized attention, pay for private school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:44 AM Flag
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Now that's real bullshit! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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Actually no, move to a public school in a suburb with high property taxes! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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**if not most [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:44 AM Flag
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Yes ! Singapore does it very well ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 02:28 PM Flag
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The kids in ICT generally aren’t special needs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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You and your mom should be ashamed of yourselves. Count this as a blessing that your dc will at least learn to be compassionate from this experience. He is definitely not going to learn that at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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My kid was in ICT as a NT. Was already empathetic. Didn't need to miss out a year being academically challenged to learn something she already knows. We have a DC in our family with Down Syndrome. She's great with her! The ICT class sucked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:21 PM Flag
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Well, I hope your kid is slightly more empathetic than you are. Wouldn't be difficult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:09 AM Flag
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Agreed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:21 AM Flag
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We had a similar experience. I discovered that the PTA moms kids got the best teachers. My kid was put into ict class. She was very upset bc the class was babied. We ended up moving our kids to Horace mann [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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My kids have been in ICT classes in NYC public schools. It's been fine. You WILL look awful if you try to have him removed before anything goes wrong (which it likely won't). Because it is an awful thing to do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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No, there is no way to not look awful, when you and your mom ARE awful. What's wrong with being in the ICT class? My daughter was in the ICT class twice because she was advanced academically, socially and was very independent and didn't need the help of the teachers allowing them to pay more attention to the kids that needed extra help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:21 AM Flag
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Disgusting. If you don't want him in that class, pay for private. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:23 AM Flag
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This has to be a fake post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:24 AM Flag
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This is why I think Long Island is disgusting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:46 AM Flag
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I may know you from the info on this thread. I hope you aren't who I am thinking of because as a mom of a child with an IEP this is like a knife in the heart. This isn't the dark ages. Kids benefit from inclusion and that includes kids without need for an IEP. The kids with IEPs have a teacher dedicated to them in the class. Your child will not suffer from ICT. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:25 AM Flag
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Your kid needs the inclusion class more than the kids with IEPs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.07.19, 03:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Lawyer moms, can a store limit how many items of their stock their customer buys? I.e., if I want to buy 10 of their handbags, are they allowed to say I can only buy 3 of them? Or is this discrimination? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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i’m not a lawyer but of course they can. don’t you see signs that say “limit 4 per customer”. why would it be discrimination? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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Of course. Discrimination?! On what planet would that be discrimination Karen? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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It's spelled "Cairn", ok??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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lolz [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:46 PM Flag
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Anyone buying 10 handbags is probably a reseller. They don’t want to sell to a reseller. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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Discrimination on the basis of what? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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yes they can limit it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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Yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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Does the store's name have "wholesale" in it somewhere. If not, they can limit. Wholesalers can probably even limit if they choose. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Wholesalers can't sell retail without collecting retail taxes. NA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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Not my point, but don't really care. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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That's OUTRAGEOUS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Yes, they can and do this. It happens a lot with Asian shoppers buying up a ton of product and bringing it back to China to re-sell. My mother used to LOVE when they would come into her store and she'd get a huge commission, but eventually her company started putting limits on quantities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Well, they can't say white women can buy as many as they want and people of color can only buy 3. That would be discrimination. But otherwise, of course they can. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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Yup. They are allowed. I can't think of how a limit on the number of items purchased could be protected, as long as they were not discriminating in blocking you from buying anything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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discrimination relates to race, age, gender, disability, religion, national origin, sexual orientation...NOT handbag resellers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:00 PM Flag
[ - ] Who wants to weigh in on a house purchase? What's the maximum house price you would consider based on the following: salary of $500k, guaranteed bonus of $500k, equity in current home +/- $2m, additional income via investment distributions of $12k a year, sporadic company distributions of $15k-$30k a year, public school. And sometimes random pops from additional work projects--this year that was about $100k, but clearly that's not every year and can't be counted on. But it does pad the savings account. What would you spend? 43 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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You have no other expenses other than housing debt? No nanny, private school, camp, etc.? Give me a handle on what you spend per month on those items then I'll respond. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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No other debt, no nanny, no private school (currently spend $75k a year on private, but they will transition to public when we move). A few day camps in the summer, but nothing major. Credit card averages $10k a month, but pretty much everything goes on there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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OK then (and I'm conservative) I'd try to stick with a loan of $3-4MM (so you could buy something for $6MM assuming you want to use all your equity for your purchase). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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Fist pump!!! I'm very very conservative and was targeting a total purchase price in the $3-5m range. But the area we are moving is quite expensive and the houses I really love are more like $6m. Buying a $6m house seems insane, but when I really crunch the numbers we can afford it. The house I'm totally in love with is listed for $6m, so hopefully we could negotiate down a little. Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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You go girl!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:05 PM Flag
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Where are houses 6mm?!? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:18 PM Flag
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California [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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Brooklyn heights [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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She said suburbs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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There are areas where it's the case, but these are nicer homes, there are also cheaper homes in same areas, which are not dumps, but obviously would indicate that you are on the lower end of wealth for the area, like the econo-family on the block. It's sort of like most expensive parts of Manhattan but without all the older people who bought decades ago or rent control or the subsidized poors or the schmuck families squeezing into small apartments to balance things out. Moving to SFH areas of extreme wealth is way tougher. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:46 PM Flag
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Most expensive zip codes of the country, check out that list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:18 PM Flag
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Be careful about moving to burbs and assuming you will be happy in public all the way through - you may decide you don’t like the schools especially by high school. Also, consider what the property tax will be on a 6mm home. That could easily be 75k a year [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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I have thoroughly scoped the schools and am happy with them all the way through high school. Property taxes are $43k/year which I have factored into the payment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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You don't know what's going to happen to public education system 5 years down the line, and if you move to an area with very wealthy people, they won't be fighting for it, as they have enough for private schools. With your income you should also be saving for a rainy day should you need private schools, most simply don't have this choice, so they relocate or deal with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:17 PM Flag
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You seem to be under the impression that no one there sends their kids to public school. Not true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:31 PM Flag
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Majority of people overall do public schools, because vast majority cannot afford private education, but also cannot afford to spend millions on homes either. Among those buying these multi million dollar suburban homes there are many who do send kids to private schools despite good public school options. Wealthy have options and some do take different routes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:01 AM Flag
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I would not be comfortable at that level at that income. Maybe half that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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May I ask why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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Who has a guaranteed bonus year after year? If I made 1mm I would not get 4mm in mortgage. What is your retirement savings like? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:19 PM Flag
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DH does! Retirement has $2.5m and we are early 40s. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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You should not be spending 6mm on a house with a 4mm mortgage. I would say max 4mm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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4mm house, 2mm mortgage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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No job is guaranteed, not sure why you think so, so many people lost their jobs in Finance, unless your DH owns the company or has some equity share or it's a passive income of some sort, there is no guarantee you keep making this money for decades to come. Always be more conservative and don't overextend, if you have extra money, invest it, you can invest in RE too, but not have it buried in your home where you will have to sell it to cash out and be displaced. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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Do you have enough college savings? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:23 PM Flag
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$75k per kid. DH also has stock options that are worth about $10m. I know everyone here always says they have no value, but I disagree. We just received a large payout on a portion of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:12 AM Flag
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If private you’ll need 300+ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:24 AM Flag
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Absolutely. the next time the stock options pay out, we are going to fully load each college account and be done. They still have many years to grow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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You are clearly loaded and can afford a very comfortable luxury living pretty much anywhere. What exactly are you trying to decide on, why don't you throw some numbers around first as everybody's standards are different. You cannot afford uber rich estates or urban sprawling pads or yachts and vacation homes in Hamptons. But you most definitely don't need to compromise on any comforts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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I don't really understand your comment? I'm not looking for sprawling estates or yachts. The area we are looking is very expensive, but has wonderful public schools. The $6m price tag is for a very nice 5 bedroom home, but nothing over the top. What numbers should I be throwing around? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:22 PM Flag
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What you just did. How the hell are we supposed to know how much "nice 5 bedr" costs in where you are looking to buy? That's way more than what I would expect a suburban house in a good school district has to cost in order to be nice, there are only very few neighborhoods in the country overall with such prices. These public schools be better worth it, you are paying enough to afford private schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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We saw a smaller 5 bedroom for just under $4m but didn’t like it. Terrible back yard, bad flow, hallway bathroom for the upstairs bedrooms, lower level appliances, closet doors were mirrored. Major sacrifice in quality. And no, we can’t afford a $3-4m house and still pay $150k a year in Private tuition. We could buy a much less expensive house in a different area and hope we get into the very competitive private schools. But what if we don’t?? Then what. I’d much rather put that money towards a mortgage than tuition. And. This is the area we really love. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:45 PM Flag
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So, you are saying you are looking to buy in a very exclusive area where 4 mil is a fixer upper and you don't already have at least 20 mil in NW? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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It’s not a fixer upper but would feel like a huge step down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:50 PM Flag
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It's an older home, not a new luxury construction and areas where this costs 4 mil are populated by much wealthier people than yourself, with older homes still having some original owners who maybe bought decades ago and are not as wealthy, but these people are being phased out with new wealth and new construction. I personally would not be comfortable living in such areas without 20 mil in NW. It's just my opinion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:59 PM Flag
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So where are we supposed to go? The area has so many great things going for it and is one of the few good public school systems. I don’t want my kids in private so options are limited. I didn’t pick it because it’s posh. Other neighborhoods come with a $150k private school bill. That amount alone is a $2m mortgage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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Where do you live that there are no neighborhoods in between those with crappy schools and those where a basic house costs 4mil? I have friends in SV and it's simply not the case, there are more modest homes in good school districts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:19 PM Flag
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I have a hard time believing that people paying multiple millions for a suburban home do so for access to public schools as a primary reason. People who cannot afford Beverly Hills or prime Palo Alto or Central Park facing buildings somehow manage to educate their kids in good public schools. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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In CA, they live in the valley and commutes hours each way to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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As a general rule, wealthier people have smaller percentage of their overall wealth in their primary residence, they have more investments, because they can afford a nice home and at the same time still have a lot left over. For MC it's a different story as homes cost disproportionately a lot more than what they can save, so most MC have majority of their NW buried in their residence if not all of it. You are definitely not MC, so should aim to not have more than 1/3 of your wealth buried in your residence. If you have a NW of 10 mil, for example, you can buy a comfortable home for 3-4 mil pretty much anywhere, no need to compromise on quality, but it may not be extreme luxury or super impressive. You can certainly choose to have a home worth 7 mil which would be much much nicer and look wealthier to others, but reality is you end up with less investable wealth. It's really what's more important for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:37 PM Flag
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I would not invest multiple millions into a house in the burbs unless I were really really wealthy, to the point where income would not matter and where I could afford private schools, as in these areas people who are more recent arrivals and populate all the newer homes often do private schools. Also many affluent suburban areas are now starting to be a subject the diversity initiatives, which tend to be hitting lots of affluent large metro areas with educated population. You never know if by the time your kid goes to HS it would even be a good HS or if you would be forced to bus your kid many miles out anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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So where are we supposed to live then?! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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Not in a place where prices are out of your range? Maybe to a less impressive house which you have to renovate to make more comfortable for you? IDK, people make these decisions all the time, you are not loaded enough to have to never make any sacrifices. You either move to a next door zip code that maybe isn't on the list of the country's top 10 priciest exclusive enclaves, or you buy a fixer upper and make it work. You make enough to save for private HS should that need arise in the future if you don't sink it into your home. If you buy a 4 mil home vs. 6mil you should have that insurance in case public education system becomes a disaster. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:14 PM Flag
[ - ] would you let a group of 3 six year olds go to the beach nearby alone? 33 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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Sure, if I had a nice life insurance policy out on each one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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Do I like them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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Nope. In the 70's maybe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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You mean wait 64 years? I can't! They're due here any minute! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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No. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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You mean a group of 36 year olds? I'm ok with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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Sure, just make sure their cooler has a fresh six pack. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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Isn’t that illegal? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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In many states yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:16 PM Flag
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Six year olds? WTF? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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+ I never call fake but I’m calling fake on this one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:51 AM Flag
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Can you clarify what you mean by "nearby" and "alone." As in "in front of my house" and "i'm right their with them" then yes, it's ok. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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^there, darn it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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Are there any strangers there? If so yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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Only creepy strangers though. Weird guys with puppies and/or ice cream. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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Y'all are worried about stranger danger, but don't you keep an eye on my your six year olds near the water? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:50 PM Flag
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Y'all or all'a'y'all? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:24 PM Flag
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Are the chidren allay'allses? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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And swim? NO [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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Hell.No. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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You know the answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Are you joking? NO! Holy cow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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^^ this has got to be a joke. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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Never ever ever ever. That is nuts. Maybe 50 years ago before the internet people did this crap. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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No way. Water needs supervision but ocean by themselves at 6 is criminally stupid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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Can you slip $10 to the lifeguard to watch them, or would that be improper if he's a public employee? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:26 PM Flag
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It would be improper because he needs to keep his eyes on the water and the safety of ALL swimmers, not keep tabs on unaccompanied children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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Thank you, Captain Obvious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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Well this dumbass asked the question [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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In the spirit of the OP asking a humorous question [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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No way. You have to know no normal parent allows this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:42 AM Flag
[ - ] If a college athlete is injured while playing the sport, does the school cover the healthcare costs (co-pays, surgery if needed, PT, etc)? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:41 PM Flag
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Depends on the school. Ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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Situation specific [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:22 PM Flag
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Nope [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:34 PM Flag
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In my experience, athletes (and all students) are offered supplemental health insurance through the college at very reasonable cost if you are not bringing your own coverage to school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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$4K a year is not exactly reasonable. I do hope they have better deals for athletes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:19 PM Flag
[ - ] School uniform Q: the uniform pants for boys are khakis, but the handbook says Dockers are not allowed. What is the difference? They look the same to me. TY. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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What about Members Only? They're ok, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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Is this Dalton? Someone there had a bad zipper experience with a pair of Dockers, I bet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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OP: Not Dalton. Catholic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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NP: if it's like our Catholic school, no visible labels allowed. If Dockers have a label showing somewhere, that may be the reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:45 PM Flag
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I'm literally confused because Dockers are the recommended khakis for our boys school [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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Land’s End is good for uniform pants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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I suspect they mean "cargo style khaki pants," but that is an odd way to say it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:01 PM Flag
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OP: TY. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Is there a logo on the Dockers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Question for the mortgage lender if still on. I would love to take advantage of the lower rates but my credit took a beating over the last two years. I am doing better financially but know I won't qualify for the lowest rates. Best ways, other than timely payments, to improve my credit score in the shortest period of time? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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That's me!! First, when was the last time a lender ran a trimerge credit report and gave you your three scores? Reason I ask is that the online services (Credit Karma, etc.) are not always accurate. Plus you may still qualify for decent terms even without a 720+ score if you have enough equity in your home. Loans are priced based on loan to value and score. At 60% LTV or lower, there are virtually no pricing hits for a conventional conforming fixed rate loan. But to answer your question (how to improve your score) you need to pay everything on time (obviously) but also ask if your lender offers a "credit score simulator" where they ask the credit agency how you could improve your score. Sometimes it's as easy as paying down revolving debt by a specific amount. If you don't have any installment debt now, that could be hurting your score, but I don't advocate taking on new debt just to improve your score. Hope this helps! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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Yes-thanks! Am I able to ask agency directly for a credit score simulation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:44 PM Flag
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You can try calling one of the big 3 (Experian, Trans Union, Equifax) and see if they offer it. We use Credco but I believe they only deal with lenders and brokers. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:48 PM Flag
[ - ] Would like to order a bouquet of flowers to an acquaintance who wrote a reference that helped me. She’s very fancy so would like to send something nice to her office - something that shows appreciation but not over the top. Any helpful hints of places to order from or even go to arrangements? NYC. Thanks so much! 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Last time I sent flowers I sent an orchid. They're lovely and last longer than cut flowers. If that's not your/her thing, I'd go with a dozen lavender roses. Floristry used to do wonderful arrangements too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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+1. I’m not saying you should do this but I often give my fancier friends orchids from Trader Joe’s (remove plastic, put in a nice bag, drop off with doorman or at their desk with a nice note) and they love them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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Can you find a local florist? I usually find those arrangements to be nicer than the online services. Those people are artists. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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I like ricotta pie for recommendations [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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https://www.designsbyahn.com/shop [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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this is AMAZING! Absolutely perfect. Much appreciated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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Happy to help! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.09.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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Zeze, Putnam and Putnam [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:42 PM Flag
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Flowers get so much attention in my office. Why not send something home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone else get grief from their parents for the way they took DC to college this year? We - like thousands of others - traveled with DS and helped him move into his room. Met his roommates and other parents. My father seemed totally outraged by this "coddling." What makes this new societal norm so upsetting to our parents' generation? 72 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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That's not a new societal norm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Agree. My mom took me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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+1. I’m 48 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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same. im 49. everyones parents were there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:22 AM Flag
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Both my parents took me in 1991 (I didn't have a car and had to move my crap from Boston to DC) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Mine took me on a plane. 1991. Helped me move in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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My parents both took me (an hour away) in 1987. This is not new. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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This. My parents did this with all of their kids from 1987 to 1998. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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Your father is nuts. I was not taken to college by my parents but by a relative who lived nearby. I can't remember anyone going alone so it must have been really rare, and this was in the 1990s. Sometimes people get weird in their old age and forget a lot of things. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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NP. I went alone. This was 1980. I didn't want my parents bringing me but it would have been nice to have someone help carry my stuff up to the 4th floor dorm room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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I went alone. They had cute, nice, male upperclassmen lined up at the dorm to help us carry in our stuff. It was awesome [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Hahaha I went to Smith so no chance of that happening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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He is definitely starting to sound nuts. He's 80. He suddenly has surprisingly strong opinions about fairly benign topics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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np I bet they are thinking of subsequent vacations and years of schools, not fall of freshman year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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How old is your dad? Mine's 90, I'm 55, and he help me move into my freshman dorm many years ago. And there were lots of parents doing the same thing at that time. I don't think it's a new societal norm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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She's a troll clearly. Most gradparents may be dead by now and the others probably DOGAS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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WTF is DOGAS? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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Yeah you got me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Let’s guess dead or gone ? Soon [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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"Don't give a shit" maybe? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:05 PM Flag
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I don't know what DOGAS is, but I'm OP and not a troll. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Troll post if I ever saw one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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You mean "what makes this new societal norm so upsetting to our parents' generation"? You mean we do not all talk this way when we're alone ?!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Yep. Never happened. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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Nope, not a troll. Just a UBer at work pondering last week's events. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Fake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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Nope, not a troll. Just a UBer at work pondering last week's events. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Nope, not a troll. Just a UBer at work pondering last week's events. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Does he watch Fox News? Sounds like something they’d devote a segment to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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OMG, I love you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:08 PM Flag
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Exactly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:16 PM Flag
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Well, fwiw, my sister (no husband) let her kid take the Peter Pan bus alone with a single small duffel. Frankly, I found that super-weird. He was the only one on his floor whose parents didn't come (state school). I think it's a nice tradition, and I gotta tell ya: if I am paying 80K a year, I want the pleasure of that particular ritual. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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+2 I absolutely want to help DC move in when she leaves for college next year. We'll attend any parent events, help her move and explore the town a bit. We're paying a lot of money and I want to get a feel for the university and the environment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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I just want to enjoy every last minute of it because it is very, very costly, and this will be the last moment WE get anything out of it, as it is really for the kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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It is a shame that you take your elderly parents so seriously. Be an adult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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So true. It's not that I decided we shouldn't take our son to college; I was just a little surprised by how strong his reaction was. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Just ignore. My FIL's thing lately is to make jokes about how college gave my kids liberal views. fwiw dc went to the same college that DH did, where FIL sent him, so I don't know wtf he's referring to. He gets shit news though, so who knows what goes through his mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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OMG. I thought I was the only one whose dad does this. He's convinced that DC's are being inculcated by the "liberal elite." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 10:24 PM Flag
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No, not at all. I continued a tradition my dad started when I left for college, six-pack in the mini-fridge. This will probably be frowned upon around here but my boys learned how to drink and keep their shit relatively together at home before we sent them off. I agree older people are weird sometimes. Congratulations, you have a college kid now! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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My parents let me drink wine and beer at home, during dinners and parties, starting at 16. By the time I got to college the allure had worn off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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If I had started drinking that young, I would not have gone to college ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:09 PM Flag
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My parents did this and I drank my way through college (barely) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:20 PM Flag
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I love this. I would do it except I know snoopy roommates mom will look in fridge, be horrified and report my kid for having contraband. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Lots of parents do more than help unpack and meet the roommate. On my FB feed alone, lots of multiple-day stays on campus. I know campuses have events for parents (probably to assuage the ones who linger), but don't you parents have a job to get back to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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My niece had to be at college 3 days before the dorms opened for band practice. She stayed with her parents at their hotel. This is what we would do too. You can't tell the whole situation from facebook pictures. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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My DC is a freshman and athletes, international students, etc., got a waiver to move in to the dorms early. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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ok? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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Going to guess your dc is not at the same university as my niece then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Did you stay beyond move-in day? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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Nope. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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Huh? My parents would probably volunteer to come with me! I don't know anyone who *hasn't* taken their child to college and moved them in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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I'm in my 50s and my parents took me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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What made you decide to go to college at this stage of life? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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It was time to launch I hope to get my own apartment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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Your father is a tool. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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It's funny, my DF was giving me grief. My parents did not do this for me, but I was so happy to do this for my DS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:57 PM Flag
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For undergrad my parents drove 11 miles to "move" me in, no biggie! For grad school on opposite coast my parents didn't help at all and I had no car and I did everything on my own and it wasn't super easy. It didn't occur to me that other kids would have their parents move them in for grad school bc we were all at least 21/22, I had already lived abroad and moved around a lot. But then when I saw other kids set up with TVs, mini-fridges, even decorations I was kinda bummed at how independent I had become because some babying would have been appreciated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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Hi twin! My parents dropped me off got college in 1986 but I was on my own for grad school, as were most of my classmates [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:12 AM Flag
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My mom drove me to college and helped me move in. She was appalled to see that I lived on a co-ed floor. Her reaction to passing a guy in the hallway was priceless. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:08 PM Flag
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My parents immigrated to this country when they were 32 and 27 with a baby...they didn't take me. They figured if they could come here without speaking the language and no money, I could get myself ready to go to college. I took a bus and bought stuff in the local stores with money I had earned working during the summers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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It’s a major milestone in life, they are there for the emotional support and encouragement which we need until we die. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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That would be nice, but I'm grateful that my parents didn't have the education (neither finished elementary school) or the resources (we were working poor) to support me. It never occurred to me that I couldn't get it done myself...since I was doing so since childhood. I think, to some degree, having all the resources that we don't our kids don't fail, get lost, figure it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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I took myself (not by choice, both parents dead, had been living with a relative), and I can say I was the ONLY kid there without a parent during orientation. It was depressing as hell and people were shocked I was there by myself. You father is nuts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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My DC went to orientation by himself. It was a month or so before, overnight activity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:36 PM Flag
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different, obviously [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 10:29 PM Flag
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I took myself across the country, where I had never been, not even for a visit, for college so I was absolutely going to help DC move in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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Mine took me in 1990 and I cried when they had to leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:21 AM Flag
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What you did seems normal but a lot of parents are way more involved than that. My dad thinks the way parents coddle their college age children is ridiculous and bad for their mental health. He may be right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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+1000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone watch Workin Moms on Netflix? I just watched the 3rd season over the weekend. I really want to like the show, but I find the writing and characters a bit ridiculous. I know they need to create conflict...but the way the women act is just kind of ridiculous. No one I know would make the flaky decisions they make. Anyone else watching it? 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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It's like that show Teachers that the Katydids have/had(?) on Comedy Central. You either buy into the premise and relate to it, or it will go completely buy you. I'm so far from those days that even if I get half the jokes they just don't resonate enough with me to be funny. On the other hand, I loved Broad City so who knows. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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by not buy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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I thought the first season was funny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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I liked Teachers but not workin moms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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I tried to watch it, but I don't really like any of the characters. I thought maybe it was just that I was far removed from that time in my life (my DCs are in hs and college) so I'm glad to hear maybe it's not that. I also watched The Let Down (pretty much the same subject, but Australian) and liked it much better--the characters were more relatable, at least imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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I tried a few episodes but couldn't get into it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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I've been watching it. It's only OK. I haven't finished the 3rd season yet. But I will say this, I really liked how they ended the 2nd season. I won't spoil it, but I liked how the end was really unpredictable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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"I don't like the show...but I watched three seasons..." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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I watched one episode. Hated it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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I hated all the characters. I thought maybe because I stay at home and couldn’t relate as well. I really tried to like it, but gave up after season 1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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The girl with the horse teeth bothers me [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:53 PM Flag
[ - ] I did something so stupid today. I walked into the directors office when she was talking to a colleague of mine. I completely interrupted their conversation and then apologized profusely for interrupting. I just feel so nervous and anxious in this office that I do things without thinking. Now I’m embarrassed about my behavior and just really want to leave this office. I’ve been on a few interviews but things are moving at a slow pace. Thoughts? Tia. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Go easy on yourself. We all have foot-in-mouth moments. The bigger picture, though, is that you don't seem to be comfortable. When I'm thriving in an environment, I can screw up and berate myself--which means that I'm more inclined to take risks on the job because I feel more confident. If you aren't feeling secure, you can't thrive. It's good that you're looking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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Op: yes it was very clear pretty early on that this office isn’t for me. Everyone is very CYA; office culture is toxic and almost gave me ulcers first few months of being here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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NP: I've worked at those types of places before. My theory is that they get considerably less work done each day because people are spending so much mental energy covering for themselves in every encounter. Emails take longer to write. Meetings take longer. Everything takes longer. When I work at places where it's a relaxed environment, people get more crap done 'cause they're not worried about every interaction. I ended up going freelance and I love not ever really having to cringe for long about bad interactions. Hey, I'm a temp! You don't own me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:50 PM Flag
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OR: I could have written this. I also freelance and I couldn't agree more that the kind of environment OP describes is a drain on productivity. Freelancing basically means that if it's not a fit, they don't hire me (or I don't accept the assignment). I've also gotten better over the years at recognizing the people who will make me feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Life is too short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone have a sister who is constantly making little digs about your parenting? Yet while asking you to help her out with her kids? So annoying. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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I told my sister that if her kids were at my house it was my rules, it cut down on the times she wanted me to watch them. She barely even keeps food in her refrigerator and was all picky about snacks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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God sounds like mine. She asked me to put up my nephew over Labor Day weekend (which meant I couldn't go out East with DH) then made fun of how I kept texting him to find out when he was coming home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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I have a sister who is constantly making little digs about ME and my life. Its beyond annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Yes. This is my sister too. Never helping her again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:52 PM Flag
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Same. I've all but cut off the relationship. I respond if she contacts me, but I never initiate. I'm so tired of snarky remarks about my appearance, my lifestyle, my everything. I wish she would just leave me alone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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Yep. Sad, isn't it? I hear about women who are so close with their sisters. And I really don't know what I'm doing wrong (except being myself. That's it.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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Really sad. I wish we were close and in theory we could be, but not with the way she treats me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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+1 I could have written this. My sister is the same and I think it's insecurity but it's so tiring. Thought she might grow out of it but nope. Pretty much can't stand her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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I think it is insecurity and jealousy with my sister too. I feel for her, but I can't keep subjecting myself to this. Every family gathering is miserable for me, so I've stopped going. I was hoping mine would grow out of it too, but its only getting worse as we get older. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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I guess. I'm just facing the fact that she always hated me; she just got better at hiding it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:20 PM Flag
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Ha, mine got worse at hiding it. I think she has always hated me too. Now the vast majority of our interactions are miserable. What I don't understand is why she keeps trying and reaching out? We both know that she doesn't really like me so can't we just let it be? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:07 AM Flag
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It’s my aunt and my mom who do this. My sister and I are cool. Their comments are all Under the veil Of concern. Yeah, right. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:56 PM Flag
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"I'm pretending to ask a question of other people so I can talk about myself." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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That's bad. Mine is more "I'm going to ask you to do me a big favor then pretend I don't think of it as a big favor and get all pissy when you suggest it's a big favor." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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I don't have a sister, so my mother has stepped up and taken on this role. She's so giving. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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Sister no - MIL yes - by the way she is step mom and never had kids - but shes the authority on everything and doesn't hesitate to judge [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:19 PM Flag
[ - ] Need help getting out of a financial hole and need to pay soon to be ex-dh money from equity in our apt. Have $25k in cc debt, a $200k mortgage at 5% (ARM) with about $650k in equity. What should I do? Refi and take money out to pay cc debt and give some to dh, right? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Seems like your best choice with current mortgage rates. See if you can lock in a fixed rate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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I would actually do a 10/1 IO if I were OP. Assuming good credit etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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Mortgage lender here (yes, I'm a real mortgage lender). So many things to consider: condo or coop? Are you both on title now? If coop, do you need to go through whole board approval to carry loan + maintenance on your own? Will you be approved by said coop? How long do you plan on holding on to apartment? If you did a cash out refinance to pay him off, could you handle the new payments? For how long? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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op: thanks for responding. it is a condo, we are both on title. I a have been sole and/or primary breadwinner for duration of marriage and have made all mortgage and maintenance payments. I have not looked at rates yet so I have no idea what the monthly payment would look like. Right now I pay $3k for mortgage an condo fee combined. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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OK good to know. How much do you have to give him? Assuming you're in NYC, you will pay the 1.80% NYS mortgage tax on the "new money" (and possibly your existing balance) unless you can do a CEMA (consolidation extension modification agreement) to avoid paying the tax on your $200k balance. There's no other way you could give him the money (over time perhaps)? You can put the closing costs (including mortgage tax) into your new loan but you're still paying it. You might want to look at an IO loan if the new payments are onerous. If you are in a bonus situation, you can put chunks of money toward the loan and the payment will drop based on what you owe at any point in time. If your condo is in Nassau or Suffolk, tax is .80%. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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There's a slight benefit to staying within conforming loan limit of $484k but it's usually only 1/8% if that. Sounds like you have to give him $325k? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Does she have to give him half of the equity? Isn't NY an equitable distribution state (what's fair, not necessarily 50/50). I think the percentage you give him of equity depends on the length of marriage, and you might get some credit for all of your equity payments since it sounds like he didn't contribute to the equity at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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Right that's why I asked what she had to give him (I'm not saying it is 50% -- just using that as an example). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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Last tip for OP: if your new loan is just enough to pay off $200k mortgage and what you owe him, lenders can call it a "rate and term" refinance (vs cash out refinance which often has higher rates) as long as you (the borrower) are not walking away with cash (which you wouldn't be -- loan proceeds would be paid to your bank and your ex -- no money to you). But once you add in the $25k in cc debt, they have to call it a cash out refi. Just ask and compare the difference in rates and see if it's worth it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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If mortgage is old a CEMA can sometimes not work out. Happened to me. But if you refi with the same bank highly likely. Try credit unions. Their rates are super low. You can probably be appraised pretty high. They will let you cash out and not penalize you if the LTV is low enough, if it is not they will charge you an extra eighth or quarter point. Maybe not worth it for 25k. Do a 10/1 IO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:47 PM Flag
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This is all good advice (mortgage lender here). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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It makes sense to refi since you would get a lower and locked in rate. Lender above is right that it could be more complicated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Check out Dave Ramsay's plan for getting out of debt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:11 PM Flag