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09.03.19, 15:42 PM General Topics
15 replies
Introvert here. We had a barbecue this weekend for DS’s 16th birthday. DS invited 7 friends and I invited my mom, dad, sister and an old friend and her family. DH invited EVERYONE. In total, over 50 people showed up. I spent all week cleaning, prepping and planning. It was exhausting. DH did nothing, because “it’s just a bbq, there’s nothing to plan.” People started showing up at 2pm and the last guest didn’t leave until midnight. I know this sounds weird, but it was awful for me. I hated every minute. DH wants to have another bbq in 2 weeks for his birthday. I want to cry. Please give me advice. Why am I like this? Why are other people so comfortable with entertaining and what can I do to be more like them? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.03.19, 03:42 PM Flag
 

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Two different things going on here: 1. the work associated with hosting; 2. your introversion. I'm introverted but still enjoy hosting from time to time but I ask for help. If you delegate or streamline, there should be less exhaustion surrounding it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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Your husband stuck you with all the work, that is why. He acted like a host who has cleaning and catering staff. You aren't the problem here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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This. Hosting is a lot of work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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and next time, hire help to come in and clean your house and hire a bbq restaurant to cater. And then have cleaning staff to clean up afterward. Your husband was really inconsiderate. We host bbqs and it is work. The only difference is that I am not cooking food on the stove or in the oven, dh is grilling the meats outside. There is really no difference in the amount of work. If anything, it is more work, because your house has to be completely cleaned for company and your backyard has to be completely cleaned and set up for outdoor socializing and eating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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also, your dh and you should agree on the guest list ahead of time, you should both be on the same page there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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I'm introverted too, but I can endure big parties by a) being able to leave when I want (which you couldn't) and b) sticking to the people who understand me and whom I feel comfortable with. Plus you had to do ALL the work! Making side dishes, cleaning the house and bathrooms for guests, buying soft drinks and booze. I would make a list of everything you did and give it to DH before the next BBQ and have him select 50% of the tasks on that list. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Your ds is 16 and can certainly help with everything for dh's birthday. make dh help too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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Ask for help. Give very specific tasks. Prep as much food as possible ahead of the party. Hire a caterer and/or cleaning help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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a last-minute party for 50 is going to stress out even an extrovert! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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IKR! I hope he acknowledged that it worked well because you did all the work, OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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Do you have to stay til the bitter end? Or can you quietly leave at 10 pm and go to bed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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I am cringing bc that is exactly something my DH would say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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"It's up to you, dear. If you want to host a bbq for your birthday, you go ahead. I hosted this one, so I'll be sitting back and doing nothing." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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I would calmly say that he has two choices: either he plans the whole blessed thing by himself or you outsource everything. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:52 PM Flag
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