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07.04.20, 16:21 PM General Topics
17 replies
anthro mom here. One of the things I'm currently writing about is not the role of UB and YBM in lives of users, I've got that down, but what is the reason for all of this anxiety around getting the kids into the "right" schools and making sure the "right" tutors etc? Is it a moral panic (Stanley Cohen - fear that "they" are taking away "our" spots in society) or is it part of the Rug Rat Race (Ramey and Ramey where competition for spots starts earlier and earlier) or is it loss of a true sense of community (Turkle due to technology or Putnam's Bowling Alone)? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.04.20, 04:21 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

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I know that this isn't terribly clear or as well thought out as I would like, but I just found out and I want to get some more insight before it all goes away. And my kid isn't in hs yet, and i need someone to struggle with. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 04:22 PM Flag
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I think it's anxiety-based, and comes from a fear that we are all playing a zero-sum game. There isn't enough wealth/privilege/power to go around, and you either have to seize it or hold onto it very aggressively. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 06:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 06:47 PM Flag
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It’s a tournament to a subset of parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 11:43 PM Flag
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IMO closest to your 2d one. intense class anxiety (not totally baseless, given that many of our kids will not do as well as we have), plus a desire to think you can control everything. so you go nuts about getting your kid into the right preschool so she will go to an ivy and get a good job, even though thats not how it actually works. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 06:19 PM Flag
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widening wealth inequality means that small parenting mistakes have bigger consequences. As fewer people succeed/have a financially secure life, the path there gets narrower and more intense. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 06:38 PM Flag
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But what makes you feel that way? Statistics show that children generally have close to the class status of their parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.20, 01:14 PM Flag
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np That's a short-term view. Many people's families arrived here only 120 years ago as poor farmers. Many of the uber wealthy came from those families. 120 years is nothin' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.20, 05:08 PM Flag
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snowplow mentality [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 07:08 PM Flag
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Only the insecure really care about these things. Why are they insecure? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 07:27 PM Flag
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Dual citizen mom here (with one foot in Europe and the other in the States). IMO, it is 2 things. One is status-related. Our US society currently puts a lot of a value on individual success, and it is achieved (or believed to be achieved) through hard work (as opposed to something you are born into such as aristocracy... at least this is how the American myth goes). Getting your child into the "right" school is a marker of success as parents. It reflects well on your family and yourself. I feel that during the Cold War, the US was more invested in success as a society (we had to look noble, good and provide a good life for our citizens in our ideological fight against communism) and somewhere along the way, we became more individualistic. Schools themselves played into the "labels" with all their marketing and branding. The second IMO has to do with economics, the lack of a safety net, and the bifurcation between the very wealthy and the middle class. Being middle class in Western Europe typically means that you have access to a good education (including college and grad school) and healthcare for free, and a pension. Losing your job does not mean losing all these. Contrast this with middle class life in the US, where healthcare and college costs are out of control, real estate is more expensive in a good school district, child care is a challenge, and the measly benefits you get if you get laid off. The European side of my family is way less stressed than the US side (with equivalent levels of education and lower incomes). In order to avoid some of this stress, Americans want to position their kids for the top 0.1% or 1% and feel that having the "right" education and prestigious degrees on LinkedIn and the like will help for this. I think there is a lot of anxiety built into this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 07:55 PM Flag
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^ I meant economic anxiety [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 07:58 PM Flag
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this is right. It was the Reagan era that shifted everything toward privatization and deregulation. The "trickle down" theory did not hold up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 08:26 PM Flag
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^ and it seriously defunded public education [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 11:22 PM Flag
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Other parent with similar profile - this is so true. We spent a year in Europe in my home country and I was shocked to see how all parents were so relaxed about their kid's education and life in general. It was astonishing and what a shock to come back here! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.20, 12:25 PM Flag
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Obviously, it isn't any one thing and things that motivate one group don't necessarily motivate another - i.e., the wealthy see attending certain schools as a birthright and it used to function that way, while immigrants see it as a way out of poverty and middle class may see it as a way of providing the same or better opportunities for their children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.04.20, 09:05 PM Flag
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Generally speaking, this board is not first generation immigrants. Based on the conversations regarding private schools and the locations of people's homes on here, most people are part of the former not the latter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.05.20, 01:15 PM Flag
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