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07.01.20, 18:27 PM General Topics
10 replies
How assertive are you about money decisions when the money is DH's? DH has a bit of a record of making poor investments that I have called as being bad ideas at the time, but this was before we married so I did not push him. Now we have two children and I have moved into a lower paying job to be more available for them. He recently inherited money and is looking to invest again, and again I think is making bad decisions. One position that it's his money and I should stay out of it. The other is that he's made a number of representations to me about the life we'll be able to give our kids on the basis of this money, so I deserve to have a say. How would you handle? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.01.20, 06:27 PM Flag
 

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DH and I consider all money our money, regardless of the source. If he makes bad decisions, I would be very assertive, as in, "Let's get a financial planner." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 06:36 PM Flag
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+10000 it's not his money, it's also your kids (if you want to leave yourself out of it) so you have a say also. get a neutral 3rd party if needed, if only for the convo about risks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 07:26 PM Flag
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+2. I am actually better at investing but DH likes to pretend he makes decisions. At the end he does listen to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:10 PM Flag
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With my dh, all money is our money. You are allowed to insist on getting professional advice together, and it doesn't have to be because of his previous poor decisions, it can just be about moving forward with a clear financial plan. Also, a plan can include him having a percentage to "play" with, but that comes after you both agree on the big picture. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 07:30 PM Flag
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You are all in good marriages I guess, that is the way it should be. But my dh won't even check with me for investments or other... he moves all money and decides where it goes/what it is for - as a matter of fact he manages all of it. I have been out of work for the past 3 years, he does extremely well. But is very controlling. Not good at all... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 07:48 PM Flag
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I'm sorry, that sounds very difficult. I don't have an answer, just support for you trying to change this dynamic with your dh. You deserve to have a say. What you do or don't earn shouldn't matter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:03 PM Flag
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pp- thank you for your words. Unfortunately nothing I ever say or do will make him change, he's a bully. Became a different person right after we got married... I am trying to leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:22 PM Flag
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In your position, I would not stay home with my kids. You can not depend on this asshole. I was a sahm for 5 years and I make less than dh but will have a pension and we make plans together for all of our money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:27 PM Flag
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yes, I agree, that is why I have been actively looking for a job (unfortunately not easy at present) and also see no future in the marriage - he is not supportive at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.01.20, 08:37 PM Flag
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My friend's DH moved money out of their joint account to his own account. He then secretly bought a condo and came home from work one day and said he was moving out. 4 days later, GF moved into the condo. She eventually got her share but it took a divorce. Just make sure the inherited money is co-mingled with your assets; then you always will get half. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.20, 12:57 AM Flag
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